


The Devil inside

by Ursus_minor



Category: Loki Fandom, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: AU, Dom Loki, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Freeform, Hela is Loki and Thor's sister, Kinky and dominant Loki, Loki (Marvel) Free Form, Loki Does What He Wants, Loki is an ass, Loki is caring, Loki is difficult, Loki is your boss, Loki/Marvel AU, POV Second Person, Sexual Content, Slow Romance, Sweet Loki (Marvel), Thor Is a Good Bro, Thor is your buddy, inspired by myth and marvel, lots of teasing and sexual tension, work relationship to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2019-10-03 02:29:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 53
Words: 198,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17275406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ursus_minor/pseuds/Ursus_minor
Summary: You're a free lance artist and just running short of rent money for the month, so when your good buddy Thor offers you a one-off job at his sister's company, you take it - even though helping his little brother out with some paperwork sounds awfully tedious ...I always wondered what Loki, Hela and Thor would do if they were 'mere mortals' ...





	1. Meeting with a god

_Please allow me to introduce myself_  
_I'm a man of wealth and taste_  
_I've been around for a long, long year_  
_Stole many a man's soul to waste_

 _So if you meet me_  
_Have some courtesy_  
_Have some sympathy, and some taste_  
_Use all your well-learned politesse_  
_Or I'll lay your soul to waste, mm yeah_

_~The Rolling Stones, Sympathy for the Devil_

 

You glanced at him over the rim of your tea cup. Good thing he does not know it's empty by now and you were merely using it to hide behind, so not to be blatantly and obviously staring at him.

_It was unfair._

The thought lingered in your mind as you admired the way the sun put little highlights in the raven-black hair, that curled up slightly at the ends. His eyes were cast down, his attention focused on the paper in front of him and the contrast of his dark lashes against the pale skin made the already long eyelashes appear even longer.

_Utterly unfair - that guys like him were blessed with such eyelashes._

Not to speak of the flawless skin and finely cut face ... and the silky hair.

He made you feel rather grey and ordinary. Like an ordinary mortal, while he looked like a perfect god as he sat there opposite you at his desk, with the afternoon sun flowing in through the large window behind his chair. He even behaved like a god. Albeit an arrogant one, who seemed to have no time to waste with lesser mortals. You had worked with him for three days, had watched him interact with his employees and could tell what kind of man he was.

_The asshole kind._

But while the others were intimidated by his arrogant and unpredictable behaviour, _you_ were intimidated by his beauty.

_It was unfair that men like him were so damn beautiful._

“When you are done staring, it would be good if you could return to your work, since you wish to finish this by tonight. I won't pay you any extra time.”

_Oops. Caught._

You cleared your throat and set the empty cup on the table to grab a pile of papers.

“Sorry for staring, I was lost in thought.” You quickly added, trying to sound apologetic.

“I don't pay you for thinking either.”

_Then don't distract me with your looks – and your language._

Apart from looking the part, he also had a lovely British accent and a rather eloquent way of expressing himself.

_Beautiful._

It wasn't his fault. You had a thing for beautiful things. Paintings, landscapes, people, clothes, words, language.

Beauty enthralled you.

Thank god, this guy was such an ass, otherwise you may have fallen for him. Melted into a puddle, right there at his very feet - you smirked at the thought. But luckily you valued outer beauty just as much as _inner_ beauty. And he certainly lacked the latter.

The past three days had passed in near silence, even for you, who were used to spending a lot of time on your own this was rather unusual. God, you had spent ten to twelve hours a day in the same room with this man and had barely spoken a word to him or he to you, as a matter of fact, that was except for – _would you like more tea? Can Sarah get you anything? It is time for lunch._

He had his secretary, Sarah, go out and bring you food and snacks and anything really that you would have asked for. As long as you stayed and worked through those files with him. It was a miracle he allowed you to leave to go to the bathroom. Maybe it was the spell of silence you tried to break or maybe something inside you wanted to hear a little more of that velvet voice with the beautiful accent, whatever it was, when he leaned back and reached for his glasses, you took the opportunity to strike up a conversation.

“Why do you even do this?”

“I beg your pardon?” He glanced at you with a look on his face that was evidently questioning your sanity for asking him a simple question.

“This.” You gestured at the files that were stacked on the desk. “Aren't you the CEO of this company? I mean, don't you have people who do this kind of work _for_ you?”

He sighed, adjusted his glasses and brought his attention back to the stack of files in front of him.

“We managed to work in relative silence for three days and _now_ you decide to ruin the pleasant atmosphere by trying make conversation?”

“I am sorry, your majesty, I was unaware that conversation was _not_ in my contract.”

It slipped out of your mouth before you could stop yourself. And you bit your lip. 

“You don't _have_ a contract.”

“At least that means you can't fire me for snarky replies.”

You bit your lip harder. Ok, maybe you were pushing it a little, but you could not help it. And really, what was the worst thing that could happen to you for being sassy? Well, he could throw you out without paying you - and Thor would probably be upset for organising a job for you and you blowing it in the last hours of work, because you could not keep your mouth shut.

To your surprise, Loki ignored your reply.

“I do it, because I enjoy it. I can relax. I do not have to think. It is - it _was_  - a rather peaceful and _quiet_ job, until my brother begged me to babysit his new girlfriend, who all of a sudden seems to have more interest in conversing with me than actually doing the job.”

_Sassy bastard._

“I am not Thor's girlfriend.”

“Sure. That is why he's taking you out for dinner tonight.”

“It's my birthday.”

“How quaint ... and you don't have anything better to do on your birthday than spend time with a blonde, muscle-packed would-be underwear model, who you claim to have no interest in?”

“Thor's not … I am not ..."

Loki's eyes snapped up and the look he gave you was one that said, challenge me, and I will torture you for the rest of the day and you will wish that you had never ever stepped foot into this room. You pouted. And decided he was not worth the energy. 

"Well, forget it. I actually preferred the silence as well.”

You watched the corners of his mouth twitch a little before you huffed and returned to the papers.

_Damn wanna-be god. He actually enjoyed this. Maybe he was a god after all. The God of Sass._

How was it even possible that Thor and him came from the same family?

 _Blonde, muscle-packed would-be underwear model_  – he might just as well have called him an oaf.

You couldn't think of anyone kinder to hang out with. Thor was a teddy bear-slash-buddy-type - laid back and hilariously funny. Sure he was attractive but he was not exactly your type. But how these two men could be brothers was entirely beyond you. Thor, who wore the same leather jacket and jeans most of the time, while his brother here dressed in Armani and Valentino. Thor who lived in the small house down the road from you and spent a most mornings on his surf board, meditating on the ocean - at least that's what you called it when you watched him float out there on the water while you went for your morning run. Thor was so shockingly normal, that you were shocked to find out that your neighbour-turned-best-buddy was actually rich. No, he was loaded. He was incredibly, unbelievably wealthy.

You had known him for over a year now and would have never suspected anything. There was nothing about him that screamed I have plenty of money, apart from the fact that he did not have a regular job, but, hey, neither did you.

Then you mentioned to him that you may not be able to pay your rent this month, and Thor offered you a one-off job at his sister's company the very next day.

_"It's just helping my little brother out with some paper work."_

It had sounded so  _casual a_ nd it was not until you walked up to the high riser in Downtown Manhattan that displayed the name "Odinson" in golden letters on the building, that you realised that your friend and Friday night movie buddy, Thor _Odinson,_ was more than a simple surf yogi, and his “ _little_ ” brother was one of the CEO's of the company.

Thor would have a lot of explaining to do when he picked you up for dinner tonight.

The next few hours passed in silence. Around seven you leaned back in your chair and stretched.

“Ok, that's it. All done.”

Loki did not even look up, just muttered something and kept on writing notes in his diary, until you stood and put your bag over your shoulder.

“I better get going.”

“My brother is not picking you up?”

“I thought I meet him downstairs, save him having to come all the way up.”

Loki raised an eyebrow and finally looked at you.

“How very self-giving of you. Not sure if he deserves this kind of treatment though.”

“You don't like him very much, do you?”

“Quite the opposite, actually. I love my brother, I just have a unique way of expressing it.”

The smile that appeared on his face was genuine and you could not help but offer him a smile in return as you stood there, trying to figure him out. Maybe he was not as much of an asshole after all. 

“Ah, right, your cheque. You sure deserve to be rewarded for all the hard work, I guess.”

He reached into a drawer to pull out a cheque book and scribbled into it, before he ripped the page out, folded it in half and handed it to you.

“It is a cash cheque.”

You took it and slipped it into your wallet, which you stored safely in your bag. Loki had gone back to his work by the time you looked up at him, ignoring you completely as you stood there.

“Well, thanks - and have a good evening.”

He merely nodded, so you turned and walked to the door, but as your fingers touched the handle, he called your name and you turned around.

“Yes?”

“Thank you.” Your lips opened to say something like “you're welcome”, when he added, “Especially for keeping that pretty mouth of yours shut for these last few hours.”

_Uh. What the --?_

There was a self-satisfied smile on his face as he turned back to the papers on the desk, leaving you standing there staring at him.

_Not worth it._

_Not. Worth. It._

_Breathe, step through this door and never see him again._

_Never._

_Thank god._

***


	2. Visit to the underworld

_If you could read my mind love_  
_What a tale my thoughts would tell_  
_Just like an old time movie_  
_Bout a ghost from a wishing well_  
_In a castle dark or a fortress strong_  
_With chains upon my feet_  
_You know that ghost is me_

_~Studio 54, if you could read my mind_

 

When you stepped outside of the airconditioned building, the muggy New York summer air hit you with all its might. Even though it was after seven pm, it had hardly cooled down. You looked forward to a ride on the back of Thor's old Harley as it brought the prospect of a refreshing breeze caressing your skin. As if on cue, the blonde  _"would-be underwear model"_  pulled up a moment later, casually throwing you the second helmet, which you obediently put on before you slipped onto the motorcycle behind him.

“Where are we going?” You asked as you wrapped your arms around his torso and melded against his back.

Loki was right, Thor was _packed_ with hard muscle. Funny how some things only come to your attention when somebody else points them out.

“Surprise.” Thor answered and the motor of the Harley thundered loudly as you took off.

You ended up on the Upper East Side. Thor parked the motorcycle under a row of trees, his long blonde hair was tangled when he slipped off his helmet and he casually ran his fingers through it to tame it and tie it back neatly, before he stored the helmets. Now that Loki had brought it to your attention, you noticed how well built he was. The way his biceps bulged when he tied his hair was … You shook your head.

_Good god, what are you thinking? This is Thor, your Friday night movie buddy._

_Don't listen to whatever that devil of a little brother planted into your head._

You were  _not_ going out with Thor because you were interested in him, but because he was your friend. Your chill body. Your comfort zone.

It was obvious that Loki was jealous because Thor had all the muscle, while he was more of the skinny type. You wondered just how skinny the dark god was underneath all those layers of fine clothing. Wondered if there was a layer of lean muscle, covered by his perfect taut, pale skin ...

Thor smirked at you.

“Care to tell me what's going on inside your head?”

“Absolutely not!” You blurted out and felt your cheeks blush.

_Great, first you're ogling Thor, now you have shockingly indecent thoughts about his abominable brother._

Thor chuckled even more, when you scowled at him, but did not prod any further. You followed him around onto the main street to the entrance of a small restaurant that you recognised as one you had been wanting to check out, but considered a little too pricy. 

How Thor had picked up on the fact you'd been wanting to come here, you had no idea. He was evidently more perceptive than you had realised.

"How did you know?"

"I pay attention. Something I have learnt from my little brother."

You huffed.

"Your  _little_  brother, by the way, is the CEO of a company with a few thousand employees."

"3.147 as far as I am aware. After you.” Thor held the door open for you to enter.

"I still can't believe he's your brother, and I can't believe  _you_  are - well, you're a big shot."

Thor laughed. 

"That's why I keep it to myself. Wealth tends to intimidate people and I care for _people_ more than wealth. I am grateful that my sister and brother are looking after the company. They're the ones with the brains and I must admit I am quite happy with the way it is. I only have to come in for the big decisions. Gives me time to relax."

"Well, luckily for you I am not intimidated easily. You know why? Because I love coming over on Fridays to occupy your couch and raid your fridge. You may need to stock up on that salted caramel ice cream though, now that I know you can actually afford it."

He ruffled your hair and you growled at him, which only made him laugh. You liked his laugh. It always seemed to rumble through his chest from deep inside him, and it had a warmth that offered instant comfort. Thor always made you comfortable. 

"So, how do you like my brother?"

You settled on a booth table, while the waiter handed you the menus which was a welcome distraction from Thor's question. Better not think and speak about Loki on an empty stomach. You scanned the drinks section, already getting excited.

"Oooh, they have homemade ginger ale."

"I prefer the real thing."

"Yeah, that's because of your Viking ancestry."

"Norwegian."

"Isn't that kind of Viking? I mean, your dad's a professor of Northern myths?"

"Norse Mythology."

"Which is why you have such unique names. Are all three of you named after gods?"

“We are. Well, Hela's a goddess - obviously.”

You rolled your eyes.

"I kind of worked that out."

"Loki's a god.” He offered.

“Yeah, the God of obnoxious behaviour.”

You muttered and Thor laughed softly.

“Pretty close. How did you get on?"

Right then the waiter came back to take your order, and you were rather relieved as the the very name of Thor's brother stirred your anger, but also something else that left you slightly confused.

"I'd like a ginger ale, the empanadas for a starter and the Seitan piccata for a main, thank you."

"And what can I get you, sir?"

"Can I have the Amber Ale, an avocado salad, the double cheese burger, the beyond burger, a serve of wild mushrooms and a side of sweet potato fries."

"Would that be all?"

"Yes, thank you. We'll have dessert afterwards." Thor replied dead pan and watched the waiter trod off.

You chuckled.

"Did he just seriously ask you if you wanted any more? And - are you sure this will actually “tide you over” until dessert?" You teased.

"No, but it will do for now." Thor winked.

"Thanks for taking me here, Thor, I know vegan's not exactly your kind of food."

"Your birthday is about _you_ \- not me."

He leaned on the table and looked at you. 

"So, tell me then, how was work with my little brother?"

"Do you really want to know? The truth?"

He nodded.

"Not as intimidating as I thought it would be when I first walked into that 30 floor sky scraper. It was kind of relaxed, apart from the fact that your little brother - and don't quote me on this - seems to terrify most of the staff."

"Yes, he can be a little critter sometimes."

_Sometimes?_

"And what about you?"

"I did my best not to terrify the staff." 

He smirked.

"I meant, how do you like him?"

"I don't." You meant it. "Don't take it personally, he may be highly intelligent, but he behaves like a spoilt brat. He's okay as long as he keeps his mouth shut, and since great minds think alike, we spent the three days mostly in silence."

Thor chuckled.

"I knew you two would get along."

You stared at him in disbelief.

"I wouldn't call that  _getting along_. We settled for the least possible interaction."

Thor took a sip from his beer.

"You have no idea how difficult he can be. Loki usually drives people out of his office within the space of an hour."

"You seem to be in Loki's good books, big brother. He told me did it to do you a favour."

"The little stinker. He must like you."

_Huh?_

"Can't say that's a mutual thing."

When he grinned you scowled at him.

"Stop that. You are slipping out of _my_ good books at the moment, big brother, because you _deliberately_  set me up to work with a Mr Smartassgod, when you knew there would be a possibility that I'd be tormented and kicked out of his office within an hour?"

Thor just chuckled and took a long swig from his beer. 

"Your tongue is just as loose as his, I didn't think he'd be able to intimidate you. And you live alone, prefer spending time by yourself. He's like that. Just in a – different sort of way. You two are more alike than you would think."

"Alike? I am nothing like this - this --" You could not even find a proper insult that spanned all the attributes, names and things you would have liked to call him. "Well, he definitely hasn't made it on my list of people I'd like to see again soon. But I am really grateful to you for organising the job so that I can pay my rent."

"I would have just given you the money, but I knew you wouldn't settle for that."

"You're right, I wouldn't."

A waitress delivered the food to your table, which was crowded with plates and bowls a minute later.

"Are you sharing? Would you like extra plates?" Funny how she only glanced at Thor as she asked. She was evidently not as unaware of his looks as you had been, because there was a dreamy expression on her face as she stared at him and lingered. Thor leaned back and rubbed the back of his neck, giving her an impressive display of his biceps and triceps, as he smiled at her innocently.

"We'll be fine, thank you." You broke the spell as you reached over to steal one of the fries from Thor's plate. She strolled off reluctantly.

"You're a big bad flirt, Surf God, it's embarrassing."

"Might as well give her a good show."

You shook your head at him, but smiled. The food was delicious, and you were relieved that Thor seemed to enjoy it as much as you did, because the two of you ate in reverential silence until Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries" shattered the tranquil atmosphere. Thor reached for for his phone and offered an apologetic " _Sorry, I have to take that"_ before he rose to his feet.

"Hello? Father?"

He walked away towards the entrance of the restaurant, while you finished your main and nibbled on some of his food as you waited for him to come back. When he finally returned to the table and settled back down, there was a deep crease between Thor's eyebrows. It alarmed you as you hardly ever saw him worried.

“Anything wrong?”

“My mother. She had an accident.”

“Oh, God. Is she – is she ok?”

“She is fine, but it will take her a while to recover.”

“I am so sorry to hear that. Your parents live in England, right? Will you be able to go and see her?”

The colour of his eyes reminded you of dark clouds heavy with rain, the kind that hang over the Atlantic just before a storm hits.

“I guess we will take the jet to go and see her as soon as Hela and Loki can make time.”

_Jet. Right. The perks of being wealthy. It would take you a while to get used to that._

"Are you close?"

He nodded. "She is an amazing woman and a wonderful mother, but I will go there to support father more than her. He sounded weary and worried."

“I am sorry. If you would like time for yourself, we can just leave.”

Thor gave you a benevolent smile and rested his hand on top of yours in a reassuring way.

“I will be fine. There is nothing I can do for them right now, so it should not overshadow our evening. I have looked forward to this, so let's just enjoy it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Very much so.”

He smiled and tucked his phone back in his jacket, before he squeezed your hand.

“Truly, there is nothing to worry about. I've ordered us dessert by the way. One of everything.”

You grinned and he pushed the fries into the middle of the table so you could share.

“Tell me about your family.”

"What do you want to know?"

"Well, I know that your father has a thing for Norse mythology, what about your mother?"

"She studied astronomy and astrophysics."

"Good god, are you  _serious_? I love the stars."

"Guess, that's were my siblings got the brains from." he smirked. "My father and her met during a student exchange in Norway. They fell in love and my father moved to England for her - one thing led to the next and a short while later the three of us came along. Hela, I and Loki."

"And your mum agreed to the Norse name thing?"

"She thought it rather amusing, as her parents had named her after a Norse goddess."

"Are you kidding me?"

"She claims that my father and she were fated to be together."

"So, you're a family of gods and goddesses, huh?"

"You haven't noticed by now, _mortal_?"

You slapped his arm. 

"No. 'Cause I've been totally unaware that the Vikings worshipped surf heroes and smartass gods." You put another frie in your mouth. "What about your sister? You said the company belongs to her?"

"Originally, it was father's company. He is a lawyer and established the original "Odinson Law" in Europe. Hela brought it to the States. She's a genius, not only in the courtroom. And she has always had this uncanny ability to see right through people. A rather creepy trait she's had since childhood, which made it entirely frustrating to play tricks on her or try and lie to her. Loki's probably the only one who can actually fool Hela."

The desserts arrived and after you sampled everything, you made sure to point out to Thor what he would _definitely_ _not_ like, and needed to leave for you. He obeyed with a grin.

"And what is she the goddess of? Hela, I mean."

You took a spoonful of crepe.

"Hela is the Goddess of the Underworld."

You swallowed. 

"Goddess of the Underworld? That's a rather peculiar thing to name a child, isn't it?"

"Most of us see death as something frightening, because we connect it to destruction. The Goddess of the Underworld symbolises not only death, but wisdom, mercy, and rebirth. The company my sister has built together with Loki is incredible, and while I know her to be ruthless when it comes to the courtroom, she is using a big part of the money to support hospitals and orphanage's all over Europe and America."  

"And who supports you?"

"Kind of everyone. Both my parents come from wealthy families so there has never been any need or lack in our lives. Hela and Loki are fulfilled by their work, they don't do it for the money."

"Loki is so different to you."

"He is the youngest, and I guess he's still trying to prove himself still. He's the black sheep of the family, you could say."

Thor glanced at his phone.

"Loki hasn't gotten back to me, and I would like to make sure he knows about mother, would you mind if we drop by him on our way home?”

“Sure, no problem.”

 

 

***

 

The motor purred as Thor slowed the motorbike down and let it roll past a line of people queueing up at the entrance of a club. When the Harley came to a stop a few feet from entrance and Thor waved a greeting to the bouncer, you took a good look around. Downtown Manhattan. Nightclub in an old church. Was this where you were going to meet Loki?

Thor took off his helmet.

"Welcome to my little brother's favourite pastime."

You slid off the bike behind him and eyed the line of people waiting anxiously to get in.

"This is were he comes after work?"

Thor shook his head.

"This _is_ his work."

"What? He _works_ here?"

"Close. Loki _owns_ this place."

With that your blonde companion walked over to the bouncer and grabbed his arm in greeting before he patted his shoulder and exchanged a few words with him. You hurried over to where he stood.

“Is Loki inside?” Thor asked.

The heavily tattooed Samoan looking guy who looked about twice the size of Thor and made you feel rather puny, nodded his head.

“Boss arrived about an hour ago.”

Thor nodded in your direction.

“She's with me.”

“Sure.”

Thor winked at you and when you stepped up, the guy at the door put out his arm to stop people from entering and let you through. Thor's hand gently rested on the small of your back, which made you a lot more comfortable as you entered the night club.

You were not necessarily a party girl, well not anymore, because since the accident a couple of years ago, large crowds made you uncomfortable. That was why you preferred to live alone, out by the beach. You used to love dancing, but even then, you had never been to this kind of club. You'd never made it past the bouncer. This was upper class and you not only felt terribly _overdressed_ , but also very much out of place. 

Your mouth dropped open when you entered the inside of the old church. You came out on a mezzanine level, which offered you a view over the dance floor and the main part with beautiful gothic vaults. Different coloured projections and lights were dancing over the high ceiling, and giant chandeliers were suspended from it on massive chains. Pole dancers, bodies twisting and winding in enticing, elegant moves, occupied the alcoves along the walls and the dance floor was packed with people. There were small lounge areas along the sides, as well as several bars. The place was huge.

You weren't sure if you had just entered heaven or hell. Albeit a very charming version of the underworld realm.

This place was like Loki, who looked deceivingly like a god while he was the devil inside. 

You sensed the bass of the music pounding through you and as you looked around you felt over- and underdressed at the same time. Most of the girls wore sexy outfits that revealed a lot of skin and it suddenly made you feel insecure. And utterly out of place. 

You cringed at the thought of meeting Loki here, looking so _ordinary_  in your floral summer blouse and tight jeans.

And then you cringed at the thought of cringing when thinking of Loki.

There was really nothing to cringe about. Why would you even care what he thought about you?

The last words he'd spoken to you had been to humiliate you. Intimidating beauty was no excuse for atrocious manners and a lack of warmth and kindness - something Thor offered in abundance.

Thor pointed towards the back, and before you knew it, he had grabbed your hand and made his way through the crowd with you in tow. As you pushed through the mass of moving bodies, that threatened to squeeze and crush you, you could feel the anxiety creeping up your spine, constricting your diaphragm and twisting in your solar plexus. By the time you reached the other side of the dance floor, the beat of the music was grinding on your nerves and your breath came in short and shallow pants.

_Focus. It will be fine._

You had not anticipated a visit to a night club to trigger an anxiety attack. 

You vaguely became aware that Thor had let go of your hand and spotted him approaching one of the lounge areas with white leather couches. Then your eyes fell on his dark brother. Loki lounged on one of the couches, nestled comfortably between two women, who both looked like they had just stepped out of a fashion magazine. His arm was wrapped around one of the girl's waist, while his other hand rested on the thigh of the other girl, who was currently busy whispering something into his ear, that made him grin deviously. 

_Hell._

You decided.

_This was definitely hell, and the devil was sitting right there on a white leather couch._

When Thor stopped in front of his brother he looked up. You watched the smile on Loki's face vanish, as the surf god leaned forward to whisper something in his ear, and for a moment a shadow of shock ran over Loki's face.

_So, you do have feelings._

An instant later, Loki rose and motioned for Thor to follow him. The blonde turned around a look of confusion crossing his face, because you were not behind him as he had anticipated. You took a deep breath and walked over to them. Loki led you and Thor through a door on a side wall into an office, and when the door fell shut behind him, the noise of the music died. The room was sound proof.

“How is she?” Was the first thing Loki asked, genuine concern etched into his features.

“Father called from the hospital, he said she is fine, but the recovery will take time.”

“Thank the Norns she is alive." Loki ran his fingers through his hair. "What the bloody hell happened?”

“A car ran through a red light and hit her SUV on the driver's side.”

Loki cursed in a language you could not understand, but what you _did_ understand was the dark look that crossed his face and the glint in his eyes that screamed “murder”.

For a brief moment you glimpsed a side of him that well and truly scared you. To the bone. The expression of cold fury vanished from his beautiful face as quickly as it had appeared. Loki rubbed his forehead. When his eyes landed on you, he stared at you blankly for a moment as if he had not even noticed you were there.

“Y/N, right?”

You could not get a word out, so you just nodded. Right now everything was a little overwhelming.

“Are you alright?” Surprisingly it was Loki, not Thor who asked this and it made Thor turn to look at you.

“You look pale, are you ok, Y/N?”

You nodded again.

“I just have – I  - I get anxious around too many people – and loud noise.”

“I am sorry." Thor sounded sincerely concerned now, and you felt sorry for causing him worry. Plus you weren't good with admitting a weakness. "I would not have brought you here, had I known it would make you feel uncomfortable.”

“No, no no. I'll be fine, really, it'll be fine. I didn't realise it would affect me like it does. I'll just sit down, if you don't mind.”

You glanced at Loki, whose eyebrows were furrowed in a frown.

“Go ahead, make yourself at home.”

Loki gestured towards a comfortable looking couch and you thankfully sank down on it. A moment later he placed a glass of water in front of you, before he brought his attention back to Thor.

Their conversation blurred as you closed your eyes and tried to reign in your nerves.

 

***

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found that song on the Studio54 soundtrack - lyrics are perfect for Loki as a night club owner. 
> 
> Really enjoy writing this - especially the family background and relations to gods and mythology. Thanks for reading, and let me know how you like it. The next chapters is lined up, so won't be too far away.


	3. The root of all evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Could not help but finish this chapter right away.
> 
> You thought you'd seen the last of Loki after the visit to his club ... well, tough luck!

_Do not be conquered by evil,_

_but conquer evil with good._

_~The Bible, Romans 12:21_

 

The next day you made your way to the bank to pay your rent. As you waited in the line you pulled the cheque out of your wallet, unfolded it, and froze.

_Oh, god._

You did a double take.

But there it was in beautiful handwriting:

Three  _thousand_  dollars!

_He made a mistake._

_He got it wrong._

_He accidentally added an extra zero._

You rolled your eyes.

_Great. So now you had to go back and ask him to re-write the cheque._

Loki was like a curse. A particularly nasty one, that you could not get rid of easily.

It was a 40 minute subway ride to the city, so you pulled out a book and read - might as well enjoy it. When you arrived, you tucked the cheque between the pages, and, book in your hand, strolled into the fortress of steel and glass and pressed the button to the seventeenth floor to bravely make your way to the devil's office.

Sarah greeted you with a fake smile, as she had done every single day of the three days you worked there. You could not shake off the feeling that she was jealous. While her attempts to catch Loki's attention and flirt with him had not gone unnoticed by  _you,_ Loki seemed to be entirely unaware of them.

“How can I help you Miss?” She asked, the smile rigidly plastered on her face.

“Uhm, there is a problem with the cheque that Mr Odinson wrote out for me.”

“Oh, and what is the problem?”

“The amount. It's wrong.”

“Mr Odinson is very busy at the moment.”

“Well, I can wait.”

“It may take a while.”

“Look, Sarah, I know that most of the time I worked here, he claimed to be _very busy_ when he did not want to see anyone _“unimportant”_. I understand that I would be such a person, but I really just want to get this over and done with, so that I can cash my cheque and never have to return here, because I am not entirely fond of dealing with an narcissistic sociopath.”

Sarah puffed up, her eyes glinting.

“How dare you speak of Mr Odinson like that!”

You shrugged.

“Shoot me, I don't like him. He is all yours if you like him so much. I just want to get my money.”

She glared at you, but you seemed to have convinced her of the fact that you had no intention of sticking around or trying to get Loki's attention, because she picked up the phone.

“Mr Odinson, Ms Y/N is asking to see you.”

“No, she does not have an appointment.”

She glared at you even harder.

“Yes, my apologies, Sir, but she claims that there is something wrong with the cheque you gave her, and she refuses to leave.”

“Yes. No, she did not specify.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Sarah put the phone down.

“He is ready to see you.”

You pushed the door to his office open with a little too much force and took a deep breath to reign in your temper. Sarah had stoked up the fire of your anger and she reminded you that you had not planned on seeing Loki again, and here you were having to ask him to re-write a cheque for you, which would probably earn you endless sassy comments, and sass, sass and more _sass_.

You took another deep breath as you walked up to his desk and reminded yourself that it was not his fault his secretary was so defensive of him. Apart from that, it was _he_ who had made a mistake, so you were actually doing him a _favour_ by returning the cheque.

When you stopped in front of him, Loki took off his glasses and pushed his chair back a little, but his eyes were cold and he exuded an air of superiority as he looked at you and his usually pleasant voice dropped to a low growl as he spoke.

“I did not take you for the greedy kind.”

You stared at him, confused.

“What?”

“Greedy and evidently not very eloquent with words. Maybe it was good that we spent so much of our time together in silence.”

_What exactly was this man's problem?_

“Ok, so before you insult me any further and I decide to walk out of here without giving you a chance to correct your mistake, -” You opened up your book to retrieve the cheque that was tucked in between its pages and held it out to him. 

“My -  _mistake_?” Since his eyes were locked on yours, you held the piece of paper a little higher – basically right into his face - he only glanced at it briefly, then his gaze fell on the book in your hand.

“You read?”

“Well, yes, as a matter of fact I do. Sorry to break it to you, but not everyone out there in the world is illiterate.”

Loki cleared his throat.

“I am aware of that, it's merely not that common to see people with actual  _books_  instead of phones or kindles.”

“Well, now that you've seen one, can you please re-write my cheque, so that I can walk through this door and never return, because quite honestly, I am more than happy to get out of here and  _not_ see  _you_  again.”

Those piercing blue eyes searched yours. You thought you caught something like regret in them and felt your anger disappate.

_No nono. Don't you let him manipulate you. Stay strong._

“What is wrong with the cheque?”

_You huffed. Maybe he really couldn't see it? Like you, when you read over things five times and couldn't see the mistake._

“It says three thousand dollars?”

You pointed out to him, and Loki's eyes narrowed.

“Verily so. I can read as well, may I remind you and I considered that more than enough for your services, so it seems rather unreasonable to ask for more.”

“What? Why?”

“There we go again." He rolled his eyes. "Did your mother never have the courtesy to teach you how to say 'I beg your pardon' or at least a 'pardon me'?”

“Why do you have to be such an asshole?”

_Geeze, did you really just say that?_

To your surprise, he chuckled.

“You have quite the loose tongue, don't you?”

_You hated him._

_You really did._

You wanted to take that cheque and walk out of there, withdraw those three thousand dollars and spend them carelessly just to know that he would be thoroughly pissed when he found out. But then -

“Did you just say that you _intended_ to pay me three thousand dollars for  _three_  days of work?”

“While it was very efficient work, I have no intention of giving you any more than that, girl.”

_Girl. Girl? Who did he actually think he was?_

“I am afraid I can't follow you - why would I ask you for more?”

“Isn't that what you came here for?”

“Wh-”

Loki raised and eyebrow to dare you and you bit your tongue.

_Damn him._

“I came here because I thought  _you_  made a  _mistake_ , because I thought i _t_ should have said three _hundred_ , not three  _thousand_.”

“Oh.”

_Yes, oh._

He stared at you incredulously. Then he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes and it seemed as if his controlled demeanour cracked a tad.

“My apologies, but, are you asking me to write you a cheque for three _hundred_?”

“That was the plan, yes.”

He just shook his head.

“Keep it.”

“I don't need your pity.”

“It's not that – Thor said you needed to pay your rent, and you were surprisingly efficient and pleasant to work with. Just regard it as a little extra.”

“I don't want to be paid more than a reasonable rate. The work wasn't that hard, really.”

He laughed.

“Oh, I know a lot of people who would disagree with you on that. Just keep it.”

You looked at him, but could not quite decipher what was going on inside his head.

And maybe that was good. You doubted his mind was as beautiful as his face. But he was confusing. Frustratingly so. 

“Re-write it, please.”

“Stubborn little thing, aren't you? One would think you have a crush on me, and that is why you keep coming back.”

That was the straw that broke the camel's back.

You took the cheque, ripped it in half and smacked it on the table in front of him.

"You know what? I don't think I want _any_ of your money."

But before you could pull your hand away, Loki's cool fingers wrapped around your wrist and you felt a shiver run down your spine like an electrical current as he held it in place.

"How much is your rent? I will write you a cheque for the exact amount."

He let go of your hand and a few minutes later you stormed out of the office, renewing your promise  to never, _ever_  come here again.

 

***

 

Third person POV

 

“So, do you like her then, brother?”

Loki looked up at his older brother, mildly confused. Thor dropped on the couch next to him, resting his feet on the coffee table.

“Must you always behave like a cave bear, Thor?”

“Don't diverge the conversation.”

“What conversation? You just walked in.”

He rubbed his head, the jet lag always gave him a terrible headache for a couple of hours, no matter how comfortable travelling on the jet was. They had arrived at their parent's home about an hour ago. Loki had showered and changed, but still felt like a wreck.

“I asked if you like her?”

“If I like who? You may want to be a little more specific.”

“Y/N.”

Loki furrowed his brow.

“Who would  _that_  be again?”

“The girl you spent three days with, and met at the club two nights ago --”

“Loki has a  _girlfriend_? Since when?”

Hela leaned against the back of the couch behind Loki and ran her fingers through his hair.

“You never told me a single thing, little brohter, I am a little disappointed I must say.”

Loki just rolled his eyes and sighed.

"I don't have a girlfriend."

“Didn't Thor just say you spent three days with her? That's the longest you've ever spent with anyone, I would say that is girlfriend material.”

He scowled at Thor and rubbed his face, before he caught Hela's hand. She had always been overly protective of him and he enjoyed it most of the time, but sometimes it was just a little too much. He was not a child anymore.

“If I should ever fall for anybody, which is unlikely to be going to happen in this lifetime, you will be the first one to know, Hela. Unfortunately, I cannot even remember who Thor is talking about.”

Thor looked amused rather than disappointed.

“And I remember how concerned you were about her that night at the club.”

“What in God's name are you talking about, Thor?”

“Oh, brother, you cannot fool me.”

“Ok, fine. I could see that she wasn't feeling well, that was the reason I attempted to be nice to her.”

“And you wrote her a cheque for three thousand dollars!”

Loki looked annoyed now, but Hela became more interested by the minute and slid into the spot on Loki's other side, nipping on her juice as she glanced at Thor over the rim of the glass.

“He paid her three thousand dollars - for what?”

Loki sighed audibly, but before he could say anything Thor answered.

“I set her up to work with Loki on the annual client reviews, and he has proven to be entirely tolerable around her. They spent _three_ days in his office together without incidents.”

Hela's eyes widened as she beheld her little brother.

“Good gracious, you must like her if she lasted  _that_  long.”

“She was surprisingly  _quiet_. That was the only likable thing about her.”

“He liked her enough to pay her a thousand dollars a day.” Thor offered with a smug smile just to make things a little worse.

“What in Hel's name, Thor?” Loki hissed when his sister's elbow rammed into his side.

“Be nice, little brother.”

“Will you stop calling me that?”

“Tell me why you decided to pay her five times the wage that would have been appropriate then.“

“She did not annoy me like others do. She's quiet, she can focus. She is a good worker. That's all.”

Hela shot Thor a glance and raised her eyebrows.

“He  _does_ like her.”

“My words exactly.” Thor beamed.

Loki buried his face in his hands. Sometimes he wondered if he truly was related to those two.

“Can you two stop behaving like obnoxious asses and stay out of my life? It is none of your business.”

“Well, it's my company's money you pay her, so that kind of makes it my business.” Hela replied teasingly.

“It doesn't, because she did not take it.”

“You offered her three thousand dollars and she did not accept that?"

"She only wanted enough to cover her rent, so I wrote her a new cheque."

"This girl is a paragon of virtue, but a terrible business woman it seems.”

“She is mouthy, rude and utterly, unbearably  _sincere_.” Loki groaned.

Hela and Thor looked at each other.

“He  _likes_  her.”

They blurted out at the same time.

Loki growled and rose from the couch and stalked off to find somewhere he could actually have some peace.

Hela leaned back and narrowed her eyes at Thor as a crooked smile appeared on her lips.

“So, tell me more about this friend of yours, who seems to have left a rather remarkable impression on my little brother.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe, it's kinda neat to have Loki in the little brother role - especially with siblings like Hela and Thor.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this as much as I do!!
> 
> :)


	4. Goddess of the Underworld

_Welcome to my humble home_  
_Your soul is mine to keep_  
_There are no walls of rock and stone_  
_Yet no one ever leaves_

_~Amon Amarth, Hel_

 

A week had passed since Thor left for England to visit his parents. You missed him. It was the first time since you became friends that he was not around and it made you realise how much you valued his company. Thor had come into your life when you needed a friend - someone to lean on, to laugh with and to make you feel safe and you had grown use to his company. He was due back tomorrow and you were looking forward to it.

Thor had asked you to look after Mjölnir while he was away. Mjölnir, his gargantuan Golden Retriever, who you had come to address with endearments rather than by name, due to the sheer un-pronounceableness of the latter. The dog's name was just another one of those Norse peculiarities that ran in the Odinson family.

Thor ended up in stitches when he had tried to teach you to pronouce Mjölnir's name “correctly”, so after that you settled for a nickname – Maul.

The name proved quite fitting too, as Maul had a talent for destroying things (in his innocent enthusiasm). The destructive force was balanced by Maul's friendliness, that probably even exceeded the reputation that preceded this specific breed. You had never seen a dog so happy, and so devoted to its owner. Maul did not _love_ Thor, he _worshipped_ him. You had also never seen a dog as disciplined and obedient. If Thor called for him, Maul would not run but _fly_ towards the blonde surf god – regardless of any obstacles in his path. Ever so often, this mixture of unabashed enthusiasm and unbridled obedience to return to his master, caused minor catastrophies, like one time, when Mjölnir dashed right through a neighbour's barbecue party, leaving devastation in his wake. Luckily Thor was on good terms with people around, so everyone ended up laughing and having a beer together.

You loved Maul. He reminded you of Thor and you could see the truth in the saying that a dog is like their owner. Both were major comfort zones for you.

You were strolling down the beach together with Maul and his favourite tennis ball and enjoyed watching him crash the waves in his eagerness to return the ball. Maul had just taken off for another catch, when your phone rang.

You glanced at the display.

Number suppressed.

For a moment you thought of leaving it, but then you decided to take the call.

“Hello?”

“Miss Y/L/N?” A smoky and rather pleasant female voice asked.

“Yes, that's me.”

“Hello, this is Hela Odinson, from Odinson Law.” She paused a little to give you time to absorb the information.

_Thor's sister?_

When you did not say anything she continued.

“My little brother was very pleased with your work the other week, so I would like to offer you a job, if you are interested. I will explain the details, when you meet me in my office tomorrow, at 2pm.”

You were taken aback. Firstly, because it was Thor's sister calling who you had never met and who was a ruthless lawyer according to him, secondly, because in one breath she asked if you were interested the job as if she was giving you a choice, while in the next breath she already ordered you in for a job interview.

_What was it with those Odinsons? They behaved like royalty._

You chose the diplomatic approach.

“I am very flattered, Miss Odinson, but I am not actually looking for a job right now.”

“Oh, I must have misunderstood then.” She had the same lovely accent as Loki you noticed. “Thor told me you are an artist, but you have no artwork in commission at present. I concluded that you may need money to cover your expenses. Acting as Loki's personal assistant would only steal a month of your time, while it would cover your expenses for the rest of the year.”

Being Loki's – _what?!_ Who would actually be crazy enough to _want_ to do that job?

Hela took your silence as hesitation – which was far from the truth as you were downright shocked.

“Should you agree, I would like to have a look at your artwork as we are in dire need of few new items on the seventeenth floor.”

_Wait. What?_

“Are you trying to bribe me?”

You bit your lip.

_Did you just accuse one of the most powerful lawyers in the country of corruption?_

There was a short silence on the other end of the line.

Then soft laughter.

“To be frank with you – _I am_. Not even  _trying_ to. Finding Loki a personal assistant has been terribly tiring, because he just tends to be --”

“An arrogant asshole?”

_Did you really just say that?_

You bit your tongue hard. So hard that it hurt.

You thought you could hear Hela's smoky chuckle on the other end of the line.

“I was going to say _difficult_ , but I guess your choice of words doesn't sugar coat the situation. Loki needs someone to look after his schedules and him, while he travels.”

“He seems to be doing quite well on his own.”

“He is an impulsive person with an innate urge to go to extremes, and he is working too hard at the moment. So I felt that, since he was so taken with you, you may be a good choice to help lessen his work load. It does not happen very often, that my little brother likes someone.”

“Excuse me? Loki does not _like_ me. Your brother has no sensitivity for other's feelings and certainly no respect. He is a self-absorbed and arrogant --”

You squealed as something wet and cold rubbed against your leg and pushed Maul away from you.

“No, Maul. God, you're wet and dirty. Don't rub up against me! Bad boy!”

As soon as the words were out of your mouth you had to chuckle. Well, that sounded – _odd_.

“Am I interrupting something?” You could hear the amusement and insinuation in Hela's voice.

“I am walking Thor's dog.”

“You call him _Maul_?”

“I can't pronounce his name.”

Hela laughed softly.

“Don't worry. You are not the only one. But I am surprised you can put up with him. Mjölnir is quite impetuous.”

“I can keep him in line.” You said, scratching him behind his ear. He was wagging his tail excitedly at the attention, then nudged the ball into your hand.

“You seem to have a talent for keeping male members of the Odinson family in line, even though I would not recommend using words like "wet, dirty and bad boy" around my little brother – that would definitely _not_ deter him from rubbing up against you.” She dead-panned and you burst out laughing.

The moment of shared amusement broke the ice, and when you calmed down, Hela offered,

“Why don't you come over tomorrow? I would really like to meet you in person.”

_Well, why not?_

“Ok. But I won't promise anything about the job.”

“No expectations.”

“Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow then, at two.”

“I look forward to it. See you then.”

With that she hung up and you stared at your phone for a moment before you looked at Maul who was watching you intently, ducking in anticipation when you lifted the ball overhead. He had taken off before you had let go and you laughed as he dove into the water.

Then an uneasiness settled into your stomach.

You liked Hela, but you had the feeling that she was not a person who took no for an answer and going there would quite likely be equivalent to agreeing to the job.

You could also tell that she cared for Loki, you could clearly feel that. But she was not the one who would have to put up with him all day.

Loki's personal assistant - or rather the Devil's PA.

What would that even entail? Bringing him coffee, sorting through files, organising his schedule?

It certainly entailed putting up with his constant sassiness. You frowned. You were not sure if you were ready for that.

Traveling was about the only aspect of the job that appealed to you. You had not been out of the city for a while, because flights made you uneasy. Too many people, too little space. But you would likely travel on a private jet with Loki. That did not sound so bad.

Apart from the fact that you would be locked in a small space _with Loki_ \- for hours.

_Good god, were you seriously thinking about this?_

No, no, no.

Loki was a curse. An arrogant, spoilt brat. A callous man with no respect. Nobody in their right mind would agree to spending most hours of their day with this kind of person.

But as much as you despised him, you knew he intrigued you. You were an artist. A dreamer. And he was a mysterious, dark, and beautiful god who had invaded your life with a force that you could not ignore.

Well, you were trying to ignore it, but it was evident you were failing, since the painting you had worked on over the past week was an oversized portrait of the devil himself.

No matter how much you despised him, his spirit was haunting you.

 

***

  
The lady at the desk offered you a genuine smile.

“Miss Odinson is expecting you, Miss Y/L/N, just go right in.”

“Thank you.”

You chewed on your lip as you place your hand on the door knob and hesitated.

_This was it. If you walked through this door, there was a 99 percent chance that you would sell your soul._

The you pushed the door open.

When you stepped in Hela's office, your eyes widened. The place was magnificent. You were not sure what you had expected but certainly not this.

Daylight streamed through a milky glass dome overhead and the floor to ceiling windows, dipping everything in natural light. The floor was black marble with gold inlays, and the wall to your left looked like real rock with a waterfall cascading down it. Your eyes followed the water that collecting in a small basin on the bottom wherefrom it it meandered through the entrance part of the room like a miniature river.

You looked up. Beyond it lay Hela's realm. There was an area with comfortable looking couches to one side, her work desk – a marvellous piece with intricate carvings – and a couple of chairs and a table on the other.

Her voice made you aware that you were gaping.

“Miss Y/N. Please, come closer.”

You drew your eyes away, but could not hide your fascination, when you turned towards the woman, who stood in the middle of the room. Hela was smiling.

Hela Odinson, sister of Thor and Loki, CEO of one of the largest law firms in the country.

Kind of intimidating. And indisputably intriguing.

Hela's long midnight-black hair was upswept loosely, she had a fringe that fell almost into her eyes. Eyes that were as smokey as her voice. She wore fitted black slacks and a tailored white dress shirt.

_Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication._

Da Vinci knew what he was talking about, the proof for his words stood in front of you.

“Hi.”

You said shyly and walked up to her to offer her your hand, which she took, still smiling. This woman took the smokey-eye-look to a whole new level with her light blue orbs that pierced through the black around them and seemed to gaze right into your soul. There was no mistaking her for Loki's sister. They had the same immaculate pale skin, dark hair and light eyes. Thor seemed to be the odd one out.

“Hello. I am glad you came.” She let go of your hand and gestured towards the couches. “Why don't we sit down? I ordered us some tea and snacks.” You followed her.

_Good god, she moved with the grace of a queen._

You felt even clumsier than usual as you settled opposite of her and Hela poured you some tea.

“Milk and sugar?”

“Uhm, do you have cream?”

“You prefer cream?”

She quirked an eyebrow.

“M-hm. Especially in strong tea. But if you don't have any, milk will be perfect.”

She rose and walked over to an alcove in the wall that you had not noticed. It was a small kitchen all complete with sink, kettle and coffee machine. Hela opened the fridge to retrieve a bottle of cream and returned to the couch.

“You are not the only one who prefers cream in their tea, I always keep some in the fridge. So, tell me, how did you get to meet my brother?”

“Which one?”

“The big blonde one with the mauling mammal.”

You chuckled. She had Thor's humour.

“We met on the beach. I got “mauled” by Maul, who must have been waiting eagerly for the opportunity to tackle me to the ground and slobber all over me. Thor was very apologetic about his dogs terrible manners and wanted to make up for it with a cup of coffee. When I declined, he offered me tea, then orange juice, whiskey, vodka, even a coke – that's when I relented. After that we kept meeting on the beach and started hanging out together. We're good friends. I never had a brother, so I guess Thor's my substitute.”

Hela's eyes were studying you intently, which made you fidgety, but you relaxed when she smiled.

“Thor appreciates your company, and while it is surprising, it is good to see he has a friend out there.”

“Oh, everyone in the community loves him. Thor offers a lot of help, he's funny and he's kind. How could he not have friends? I am actually surprised he's having so few of them. I took him for a flirt and a party animal when we first met, but he's nothing like that.”

“Oh, believe me, he used to be. Until he fell in love with the wrong girl, she squandered his money and ended up leaving him with his best friend. After that he bought the house by the beach and withdrew from the company.”

You realised you were staring at her with wide eyes and Hela winked.

“All confidential information by the way. Thor would kill me if he'd know I told you this."

You grinned. You liked her, with all her intimidating dark grace and beauty.  

"Both of my brothers have had rather unfortunate pasts when it comes to spouses. I prefer to stay alone - saves plenty of drama. Apart from that, I have yet to meet a man who equals and respects my level of independence and power." She brought the cup to her lips and took a sip, her eyes locked on yours. "It is easy to see through people's facades for me that is why I wanted to meet you in person.”

“And what about me?”

She looked at you, knowing exactly what you were talking about.

“Can I see right through you, you mean? You want my honest opinion of what I see?”

Her voice had dropped a notch, and her eyes narrowed. You could not read her face, but you held her gaze and just nodded.

“Well”, she started and leaned back as if to take you in better, “You are a peculiar person. There is so much insecurity. It's a shame."

You blushed a little, but didn't get angry, which surprised you as anyone one else would have pushed your buttons calling you insecure. Hela's lips curled into a smile as she watched you.

"I would say you are trying to hide in a secluded life of comfort where nothing unexpected can happen, instead of embracing your life fully.”

You started feeling defensive. She was good. 

“And yet, you have such fire, and a brazen tongue that rivals my little brother's. But most of all I can see a kind, a sincere person. Maybe one of the few people I know who are not drawn in or corrupted by money. You like Thor for who he is, not for what he pays. I would say you're not easily corrupted. And while I admire this trait, I fear that it will make it harder to manipulate you into agreeing to become Loki's PA.”

“Thank you for being so open. I honestly didn't expect that.”

“I know.”

“And you've found my weakness.”

“Sincerity.” A smuggish smile appeared on her lips. “Which is why Thor is so fond of you.”

“Well, that's what I thought too - that he was fond of me - until he set me up with Loki.”

Hela laughed and your own lips twitched into a smile.

“He loves his little brother, but it is truly surprising that Loki accepted you like you did, because he can't stand people around him while he is working.”

You took another sip from your tea and purred as the malty flavour hit your tongue, the cream complementing it perfectly.

_Oh my god, that was one divine cup of tea._

“You like tea?”

“Oh, yes. It's addictive. I lived in England for a while, and Nepal – they have excellent tea there.”

“So, you travel a lot?”

“Not so much anymore.”

“Well, you should definitely change that and I have the perfect solution.” She offered with a sly smile.

You rolled your eyes at her. Somehow, the spell was broken and she actually made you feel comfortable.

“I think you are the only employee who ever dared to address Loki by his first name, by the way. Thor finds it hilarious.”

“Well, I think of him as Thor's little brother- but I never did it when anyone else was around.”

“Well, his secretary certainly noticed and the gossip sparked interesting reactions from the staff. For some you are the spawn of insolence, while for others you have already gained the reputation of a hero.”

“Gossip?”

“3.147 people create a lot of gossip.”

“Oh, god, I am sorry.”

“No need to be sorry, it has earned you some respect within the company. Gossip can be used in very favourable ways.”

_Oh._

“Loki is much like our father. Tough outer shell and soft inside. He has worked hard all his life to gain himself respected, which in our profession is won through intimidation not kindness. Being a lawyer is a tough business. You have to be a good actor and cannot allow others to find your weaknesses. I am not saying that Loki is putting up a show, because he's not. He is who he is, but you may discover him to be more than the arrogant asshole, you so eloquently called him.”

You felt the heat rise to your cheeks.

"I have watched him over the past months and I can see he is exhausting himself, that is why I have been asking him to find a PA. People would actually kill for this job and Loki has managed to drive every single person away. Sometimes I think he is the embodiment of stubbornness. Anyway, he will travel to Europe for three weeks to meet with clients and represent the company at receptions and festivals. I want him to have the best support he can get."

She looked at you expectantly.

"And you think that would be me?"

"No. I am certain about it."

"I am not sure if -"

"I am not saying that it will be easy, because my little brother is anything but easy, but it would only be for one month, unless you desire to continue the arrangement of course.”

"That's not going to happen." You quipped and Hela smirked. "Apart from that, I don't know anything about law, or your clients, or this world you live in."

"You're doing it again.

"Doing what?"

"Hiding in your comfort zone. There is no need for that. I would not put this upon you if I did not have the faith that you were completely capable of managing the situation."

You searched her eyes, then looked away. You hadn't expected that. You had expected her to manipulate you and persuade you in other ways, but she pulled on your heart - she made you feel needed. Above all, you could tell that she really cared for her brother and that was the only reason for taking the time to speak with you, convince you in any way possible. Because she cared for him.

“You really know what you are doing.” You said and when your gaze wandered back to her you found a devious smirk playing around the corner's of her mouth.

_Oh, yes, she was definitely related to the Loki._

“Do we have an arrangement, then?”

“I guess so.” You sighed.

“Fine, I will ask Hollie to bring in the contract for you to sign.”

_Just like that._

A couple of minutes later you followed her to her desk and she handed you a pen, putting the papers in front of you.

"What if he doesn't want me to be his PA?"

"He already knows I have organised somebody to join him on his travels. But if worse comes to worst, you are free to walk out of this." You read through the contract which seemed all legitimate. The thought made you smile. She was a lawyer. What had you expected?

“Just so you know, you will be working for  _me_ , so if there are any problems you can contact me directly. Problems you cannot handle yourself, that is. It will also give you a certain advantage when moving around the company, as well as with clients. And you should be aware that as Loki's personal assistant you will be at his beck and call – and he _will_ take full advantage of that."

You bit your lips and put your signature on the bottom of the paper before you handed her the pen back. When you met her eyes, they were glinting. 

"Congratulations, Loki is your boss now.” 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that!!!
> 
>  
> 
> So, Marvel Hela is approximately 3000 years old, that's why the company has around 3000 people.
> 
> And her secretary Hollie is an variation of Holle, which can be a synonym for Hel  
> ... and for those of you who don't know - maul is a hammer (usually a long-handled one though, not stubby-handled like the original Mjölnir)
> 
> Next chapter is coming along soon...


	5. Pact with the Devil

You were nervous.

You could feel your stomach coil as you entered the elevator and pressed the button to the seventeenth floor. Much to your dismay, the ride was _not_ long enough for you to calm down, but long enough to make it worse.

You could not even figure out _why_ you were nervous.

It was just Loki. He was annoying the hell out of you. He should have made you angry not nervous.

It confused you, because nervousness always stemmed from fear. Why would you be afraid? ... Of him of all people?

_“As Loki's personal assistant you will be at his back and call – and he will take full advantage of it.”_

You caught yourself chewing on the tip of your thumb. This was what made you nervous. You weren't used to having a boss, because you had been your own boss for years. This was new terrain for you.

Did that mean, he could order you around and you had to _obey_? 

The thought made you cringe. You did not _obey_ others. You had not allowed anyone to order you around since you left home in your teens.

Was that what made you wary? 

The elevator dinged and you stepped through the doors of polished steel, turned left and walked down the marble-tiled hallway to Loki's office.

Sara glared at you from behind her desk before she folded her arms across her chest.

_No more fake smiles apparently._

“You again.”

_What a lovely, warm welcome._

“What do you want this time?”

_Impressive. Maybe she had taken lessons in sassiness from Loki._

You took a deep breath and chewed on the inside of your cheek. If you were going to pull this through, you might as well not entirely blow it with Loki's harpy-secretary.

“I am here on behalf of Miss Odinson.” You stated calmly. “To see Mr Odinson.”

“And why should I believe that?”

You could not help but pull a bit of a face at her comment.

“Look, I know that for some reason we got off on the wrong foot, Sara, but Miss Odinson is my boss now, so you are more than welcome to ring through and check in with her. I am sure she'll be delighted to be disturbed about such a minor incident.”

Sara paled a little.

 _Wow_.

It seemed that Hela was right, intimidating behaviour worked best around here. The ridiculous thing was that you were far from being an intimidating person. Neither did you wish to become one.

“If Mr Odinson is busy, I will wait until he has a spare minute.” You offered in a softer tone.

She narrowed her eyes at you and pouted, before she picked up the phone.

“Mr Odinson? There is someone here to see you.”

“It is Ms Y/N, she says that Miss Odinson sent her.”

There was a pause. Whatever Loki said, made Sara's eyes widen and her lips parted in shock.

“Uh. I'm really sorry, Sir. Would you like me to ask her to leave?”

A wave of insecurtiy washed over you.

You had not even seen him yet and he already wanted you to leave? Good god, what had he just said to Sara? Was he really that horrible? Did he hate you? 

And why did you care if he did? Why did you all of a sudden care what _Loki_ thought about you?

_Ssh. Calm down, Y/N. You are making a fool of yourself._

You rolled your eyes at yourself.

Of _course_ you were making a fool of yourself. To accept a job as Loki's assistant, one _had to be_ incredibly foolish. Nobody in their right mind would agree to this.

_Apart from Sara. But she was affirmatively not in her right mind when it came to Loki._

Sara hung up and regarded you with what you could only interpret as pity.

_Ok, he was not going to see you._

A weight lifted off your shoulders.

_Well, in that case, you could just walk out of here without regrets._

Then another emotion surreptitiously sneaked into your system. Disappointment.

_Disappointment?_

Sara's voice ripped you out of your thoughts.

“You can go in now, he is ready to see you.”

In an instant, all the nervousness was back. You were in for a frosty reception in the dark god's office that was for sure. You straightened up and smoothed over your clothes with your hands, then you took a deep breath. You were not going to give him the pleasure of seeing you insecure.

Just breathe and casually enter the devil's den. 

Holding your chin high, you pushed the door open.

 

Loki stood with his back to you, at one of the large floor to ceiling windows, glancing out over the city.

“Sara informed me that my sister sent you?” He said without turning around.

"Yes, that's right.”

_Good, at least your voice did not betray how jittery you felt._

“And what would be the reason for your visit?”

When he turned around, hands in his pockets and those beautiful blue eyes taking you in, raking over your figure as though he was looking at you for the first time, the intensity in his glance – or rather glare – did nothing for the growing uneasiness in your stomach. So, you focused on the things that made you relax - the shiny, dark hair that was sleeked back neatly, the pale skin that stretched over those immaculate, high cheekbones, his straight posture. He looked perfect.

As always.

Until you noticed a muscle in his jaw twitch.

“Speak, girl, or have you lost your tongue?” There was no softness in his tone, only - authority.

Your throat felt dry and you cleared your throat.

_How was he able to make you react this way? What was wrong with you?_

As you regarded him, you could suddenly relate to the many employees who found Loki intimidating.

He had the gaze of a predator.

_Why had you never noticed before?_

In this moment realisation washed over you. Authority and power. You had been your own boss for years - not so much because you felt independent and strong - but because you couldn't stand feeling powerless. You were _avoiding_ authority, because you were afraid of allowing someone else to have power you.

_You will be at his beck and call. He will take full advantage of it. Loki was your boss now, which meant that he held power over you._

Part of you huffed at the ludicrousness of this thought, while another part – the child and teenager that you had ignored for such a long time - was terribly insecure about what Loki would think of you and that you would displease him somehow.

_Displease him?_

_Crikey!!_

It was as if your system had been re-booted from a different hard disk. One that was evidently _faulty_. You were trapped in a much younger version of yourself, who had suffered from being bullied and pushed around and had been conditioned to obey to avoid the worst consequences.

For the first time, you were very aware that Loki exuded a kind of power that made others cower. 

Much to your bewilderment this power was just as _attractive_ as it was frightening.

Loki folded his arms across his chest, cocking an eyebrow. You felt like a deer in the head lights. 

“I haven't got all day, girl.”

_Will you just stop calling me that?_

“Hela said she informed you of organising you a personal assistant for your trip to Europe."

For the fraction of a moment, Loki looked confused, then he laughed.

"YOU?"

_Well, asshole, it's not like you did not get the chance to choose somebody else._

_Praise the Lord!! You had not lost your fire completely._

“You can go straight back to my sister and tell her that, as much as I appreciate the sentiment, I do _not_ require an assistant, so whatever she told you, paid you, or convinced you with to do this, it was a complete waste of effort. You may leave. I believe it is in your interest as much as it is in mine.”

_You may leave._

_What was he, a prince?_

At last, your nervousness yielded to superior force - in this case - the force of fury.

“Don't assume you know what's in my interest, because you don't. You know nothing about me, Loki.”

_But wait ... hadn't he just offered you to walk out of here unscathed? Wasn't that good?_

Before you could open your mouth again, Loki moved and closed the distance between you in a few steps, giving you an expressive experience of his full height as he towered over you. You hadn't even been aware of retreating backwards as he crowded you, only noticed it when your back hit the wall behind you. Loki stopped in front of you, a wicked smile painting his features, as he stared down at you with those elusive blue eyes.

“Then pray tell, _what_ is yourinterest in _me_ , little kitten?” He purred, voice full of malicious amusement.

He was trying to intimidate you, and - you had to admit - it kind of worked. It was as if he could smell your nervousness, and he drew diabolical pleasure from it. Much to your irritation, nervousness was not the only thing that his behaviour evoked. It stirred something else inside you that sent heat to all the right places. It stirred your blood.

_It was his closeness and those eyes. Those eyes would be the death of you. Up close they were utterly mesmerising. Enthralling._

You squeezed your own eyes shut.

How were you going to be able to think coherent thoughts and speak consistent words, when you were lost in those eyes?

“I have no interest in you - other than assisting you with your work. And I don't think calling me _pet names_  is be included in the contract.”

You could hear the rustle of fabric as he moved and your eyes snapped open. His eyes still locked on yours, Loki placed both of his hands on the wall next to your head. Very slowly, and very deliberately. Effectively trapping you between them as he leaned in a little closer, his face only a few inches from yours.

So close that you could feel his warm breath against your skin, and you caught a whiff of his scent.

_God, he smelled good. It wasn't fair. Not fair. He wasn't playing fair!_

“If you are to be my personal assistant, you must be prepared to endure much worse than _pet_ names _, darling_.”

His glacier eyes pierced yours but you bravely held his gaze, unwilling to cower. Unwilling to surrender to his display of power, but also unable to stop your body from responding to the insinuation in his words. To the threat that was hidden between them like a promise. You could feel yourself melt.

 _Jesus Christ. He was harassing you and you felt_ turned on _by it?_

 _That_ finally made you angry.

“You are way in my personal space.” You hissed as you stared at him.

His lips parted slightly, before they curled up into a smile and he pushed himself off the wall, but did not move away fully.

“The kitten has claws."

"Asshole."

He stepped back and the tension between you eased a fraction.

"If this is about paying your rent or covering your expenses, I would be more than happy to write you cheques for the rest of the year, if you walk through this door now and never return. As far as I remember that was what you wished to do last time I saw you, wasn't it?”

“I changed my mind.” You replied sassily. And slapped yourself mentally.

 _What were you doing? He just offered to_ pay you _for leaving._

“You are being stubborn.”

_No, you were being STUPID!_

But your tongue seemed to have developed its own mind, and it moved with the speed of light. 

“I am not somebody who shies away from challenges.”

“No, you're not. But there is a subtle difference between courage and stupidity."

_Yup, I hate to admit it, but you're right, Sassy._

"You have no idea what you are getting yourself into, should you agree to this.”

“And when did the devil develop a conscience?”

_Oh, god. What were you doing?_

Loki studied your eyes intently. He stood there before you for at least a minute, a small frown on his forehead, and a look adorning his face as though he was attempting to solve a complicated puzzle. Then he suddenly turned away and retreated to his desk, where he sank into the large comfortable chair with a sigh of defeat.

“Why do you wish to do this?”

His question was reasonable.

Why the hell would you want to do this? Why not take the chance to leave, when he offered it to you on a silver platter?

“Money.”

“Liar.”

He could not figure it out. And it bothered him.

That, unfortunately, spurred you on.

The trouble was that you could not resist a challenge, plus you were too proud to admit defeat. And all he did was challenge you. 

“Well, I am certainly not doing it, because I've suddenly developed a liking for you.”

“What did she promise you that I haven't?”

“Not everything in life is about money or material things, Loki.”

“Most of _everything_.”

You were not going to tell him that the only valid reason you could think of, was because you could see how much his sister loved him. How much she cared for him.

Sentiment.

Oh, how he would love to tear you apart if you admitted that sentiment had brought you to agree to this, while stubbornness and pride were keeping you from accepting his generous offers.

Hela had known it all. First, she had caught you in the sentiment trap, and then she had sent you off, knowing you would not tuck your tail between your legs and run if he tried to intimidate you, and neither would you accept his offers, because it would equal accepting defeat. Hela had known this was a win/win situation.

You sighed. 

_Damn, she really could see straight through people._

“I expect you to meet me in the foyer tomorrow at 9am. Sharp.”

You looked up when Loki spoke. He was typing on his phone, shrouded in his usual air of indifference. 

“Uh – ok.”

“And prepare to be working late for the rest of the week. You have a lot to catch up on if you are going to join me on my trip to Europe.”

“Sure.”

His phone beeped and he huffed when he read the message, before he typed a reply.

“Is there anything else I need to know?”

Loki offered you a devious smirk and his eyes glinted as they met yours.

“Seize the day and rejoice in life while it is still _yours_ to enjoy, because from tomorrow on - you will be _mine_.”

_The audacity!_

“We will see about that.” You hissed.

“Look forward to it. Off you go now.” 

He made a dismissive gesture with his hand and you stormed out of his office.

 

***

 

LOKI: Nice little trick you played on me, sister.

HELA: I take it you accept the gift I sent you then.

LOKI: I do NOT LIKE her.

HELA: Never would have guessed you'd say that.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have some time on my hand at the moment and have already outlined the next few chapters. The one after this is almost finished.  
> I have to admit that I am not patient enough to NOT put chapters up as soon as they are ready - even though it is not a very tactical approach, and it would be much more of a thrill for you if you would have to wait, I know... I am not sorry though ...
> 
> Thank you for all the lovely comments and for Kudos! I get so much joy from writing this and it's so nice to be able to share it.


	6. The Devil's into detail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank everyone for their comments and support! And of course for Kudos!  
> It is very humbling to see how popular this story is, and it also gives me much joy. So, thank you again - and enjoy the first day of work, which starts with an unexpected shopping trip.
> 
>  
> 
> ... from tomorrow on you will be mine - what had you gotten yourself into?

_I want to wake up in a city_

_That doesn't sleep_

_And find I'm king of the hill_

_Top of the heap._

_~Frank Sinatra, New York_

“You do not have to join me for mere business meetings, unless you wish to, but I expect you to know my schedule off by heart and have all the information on clients that I require ready  _before_  the meetings. I also expect you to join me on all social events, that includes dinners, lunches, festivals and cocktail parties. Other than that you will provide me with whatever I need.

I have Yerba mate in the mornings, _Guayaki_ , not the cheap blends, I prefer it sweetened with half a teaspoon of raw Demerara sugar. I usually have a protein shake or a green smoothie about half an hour before breakfast and another one after my workout, whenever I may fit that in during the day. In the afternoon I have Assam, FBOP second flush, with a little cream – no sugar - for tea. I don't drink coffee and you need to make sure you bring enough of these things on the trip, because you won't be able to buy them in Europe. I am sure Sarah will be delighted to assist you with this.”

_Yeah, right. Sarah was going to stab, shoot and strangle you all at the same time at the next best opportunity._

“When travelling, I abstain from gluten and dairy, unless absolutely unavoidable. I am allergic to strawberries, and I expect you to know all my likes and dislikes when it comes to food, drinks, clothing, toiletries and women.”

Loki stopped in front of a black limousine and waited for the driver to open the door, before he gestured you to get in. You moved over to the window and Loki took the seat opposite you.

“Any questions so far?”

_Holy crap. You had only walked from the lobby to the car, and your head was already spinning. It must have been in a moment of mental aberration that you had agreed to this arrangement._

_Well, you only had yourself to blame._

You and your soft heart … and your pride and stubbornness.

Mate tea, green smoothies, dietary requirements, likes and dislikes and wait - what exactly did he mean when he said -

“Women?”

“I deem it important you know some of my liaisons as you may need to deal with them – on the phone or in persona. I will provide you with all the information you need on this.”

_Oh, no no no, mister._

“I will not manage your dating schedule.” You said firmly.

Loki's gaze was directed out the window of the limousine that currently carried you through the city. He sniggered softly and cast his eyes down at your words, before they snapped up at you.

“Darling, I don't _date._ ”

His blue eyes were sparkling with amusement.

“There is a vast difference between lust and love. While you live in a world were people fall in love, and  _date_ , I live in a world where anyone can stab you in the back at any time. I cannot afford _love_. But I can afford pure, unadulterated, shameless  _sex_ – no strings attached.” He winked.

You felt the heat rise to your cheeks.

“No need to worry, little kitten, I usually keep business and pleasure apart.”

_Usually?!_

“Don't flatter yourself.” You huffed.

Without warning he leaned forward and wrapped his fingers around your hand, gently tugging it towards him as he brought it to his lips. His eyes never left yours when his lips brushed against the back of your hand. You tried to pull away, but he held you in place, closing his eyes to inhale your scent. A shiver ran down your spine and a tingling sensation pooled between your legs.

“You push me away, and yet, I make you tremble. _Am I_ flattering myself?”

Slowly, very slowly, his eyes opened and it was as if he could see straight into your soul.

_Devil. God. Whatever he was, you had never met anyone as despicable and fascinating as him._

Or anyone as confusing.

He let go of your hand and leaned back into the leather seat.

“I merely attempted to put your mind at ease, by letting you know that you are not the type of woman that stirs my loins.”

_Stir his – what the f--?_

_He really was the devil. He had no shame or modesty._

And he _loved_  making you squirm. You quickly averted your gaze and looked out the window.

“Where are we going?” You diverged the conversation - whilst unsuccessfully trying to will away the heat in your face.

“Shopping.”

_Shopping?_

Your eyes snapped back to him. Loki must have read the question in your eyes, because he smirked before turning his attention back to the street outside.

“Since you have sold your soul to the devil, the devil is going to make sure you will look the part. And you, my lady, should make sure you use the time you have with me this morning wisely and ask all the questions you wish to ask, before we return to work.”

His voice was surprisingly soft when he spoke, almost - nice. Good lord, he was so confusing. He always seemed so unshakably collected, so in control, maybe that's what made him confusing. You never knew what you were dealing with next. If there was one thing you could learn from him, it was to be prepared for the unpredictable and keep a perfect poker face. You bit your lip. Did you really want to learn anything from this man?

He was a lawyer and a night club owner.

And how did those two professions actually harmonise?

“What exactly is it you do in the company? I mean, what is your role? Are you a lawyer? Aren't lawyers meant to - follow the law?”

“Are you having a hard time processing the idea of a lawyer owning a night club?”

Your jaw dropped slightly, and you quickly closed your mouth.

_How did he know? Sometimes he was downright uncanny._

Loki chuckled.

“I cannot read your thoughts, if that is what you fear, it's just a matter of predictability and deduction. Let me enlighten you. I studied law, so you could call me a lawyer, but I would regard myself as someone who has studied law so he can take certain liberties, rather than mindlessly following rules, because I am not very good at following rules, I would rather create my own. Since law is the " _science"_ of rules and regulations - you could say that I apply my knowledge to find its flaws. The loopholes.

Which means, I can do things Hela _cannot_. Hela is the one who does all the hard, the _honest_ work.

She works on the fore front, I work in the background. She is the tough one. I am the entertainer.

I know my ways in and out of law. I find people's strengths and weaknesses. I nurture them or I exploit them. Darling, you wouldn't believe how easily people are manipulated. So easily ruined by their fears and insecurities.

My role is to meet with clients, find their weaknesses, their strenghts, persuade them of business opportunities, figure out if they lie or speak the truth, sleep with their wives - basically whatever is necessary to entertain good business relations.”

His gaze rested on you, face relaxed, eyes narrowed slightly, as if gauging your reaction. How you were taking everything he had just revealed to you. You were unsure how you felt about all this, but you were aware that your cheeks had flushed furiously, when he casually threw in the comment about sleeping with client's wives.

_Why, bless your soul, this man was ruthless!_

“While it is somewhat endearing to see you blush, I was kidding - about sleeping with clients' wives to entertain business relations.” You let out a little sigh of relief and Loki got more comfortable in his seat. “I only sleep with them for mutual pleasure.”

You gasped and he sniggered.

_Ass._

The car came to a halt and Loki got out, holding the door open waiting for you to follow. When he started walking you fell in beside him, which was not that easy, since he had awefully long legs. The devil's advocate led you into a high riser that looked more like a business building than a shopping centre.

“I thought we were going to go shopping?”  
“We are. A client of ours owns a fashion magazine, so we are going to raid their stock a little. We will buy the rest of your wardrobe in Europe.”

_“Wardrobe?”_

He ignored you and you stepped into the elevator beside him. A few seconds later you exited into a softly lit hallway that was tiled with white marble, a glass door at one end led into another room that opened into more corridors. Loki took a right and pushed open a door to what looked like a neat and tidy office – as far as you could tell from peeping past him. He stuck his head inside.

“Nigel? Can I ask you a favour?”

“Loki! How lovely to see you again.”

A pleasant male voice replied from inside. Although you could not figure out, why this guy sounded so sincere, when he used the words  _Loki_ and  _lovely_ in the same sentence.

Somebody actually _liked_ him?

A middle aged man appeared in the door, bald with glasses, and he offered you a friendly smile when he extended his hand.

“Hello darling, I am Nigel.”

You shook it and told him your name.

“My new assistant.” Loki stated as if he was showing off his new toy.

“Never thought I would see the day, Loki.”

“Hela roped me into it for the Europe trip. You know what she's like. The trouble is that this one”, he gestured towards you, “has a terrible or maybe even non-existent sense for style and unfortunately no idea about personal grooming, so I hoped you would be able to do – something?”

Your mouth opened to say something, but Nigel winked at you and patted your hand.

“Prince charming, isn't he? Don't get _used_ to it, darling, just _ignore_ it.”

Loki rolled his eyes.

“So, what size have we got here?” Nigel let his gaze travel up and down your figure which made you feel a little self-conscious. Then he tucked your arm in his and lead you down the hallway, Loki in tow.

“You want to show her off, then?”

“Europe means plenty of dinners, receptions and social events. It also means long time clients that could do with a breath of fresh air. I want her to catch attention and distract, that is why I don't want to go for the boring office look. Can you turn her into something – sexy and classy? I know it's a lot to ask, but you're a wizard, Nigel.”

You bit your tongue and there was a fire seething in your stomach as you walked along.

“You know what I like. Short skirts, tight leather pants, silky tops, belts, boots – Dolce and Gabbana, Valentino, maybe some Prada and one or two more modest items from Armani?”

“Sounds feasable, Loki.”

You felt yourself blush slightly. Being talked about as if you weren't there was humiliating as well as infuriating. You walked beside them, honestly feeling quite out of place.

_Catch attention? Distract?_

As if you were an object. The little devil even wanted to use your appearance for his advantage.

_And why were you even surprised?_

“Wait here, I'll bring her back in a short while.” You heard Nigel say before he separated paths with the outrageous, atrocious dark god who had you clutched in his claws.

Nigel patted your arm.

“I can feel how tense you are, darling. One piece of advice – don't take it personally. He treats people as possessions. It's best to play along. Don't let it get to you.”

You exhaled a breath you hadn't been aware of holding.

“He acts like a fucking  _king_.”

“Uh-uh, language.” Nigel tutted. “He _is_ a king in his world. You seem like a nice girl, whatever got you involved with Loki?”

“Apparently I am the only person he ever tolerated around himself for more than an hour, so Hela talked me into being his assistant for a month.”

“A month?”

“That's how long the trip to Europe will take. I don't think I would last any longer. Frankly, I don't even think I will last the rest of the day. He's such an ass.”

Nigel laughed softly.

“But they are right, he _does_ like you.”

“In my world, you don't treat people you like as if they were your servants.”

“You will find him more tolerable when you get to know him better. Loki does not necessarily communicate with words. His mouth may say one thing, while he means something else entirely. As I said, try not to take things to heart. I have known him for a long time, and I can assure you – deep down he's a good boy.”

You had to chuckle at the way Nigel talked about Loki.

_Good boy. Yeah, right._

He walked into a couple of rooms with you, plucking outfits off cloth racks and dropping them into your arms until there were too many to carry. Then he led you into another room.

“Try these two, then this and this – I will get you a few pairs of pants and we will find some shoes and accesories for you as well. You will need bags, belts and maybe hats.”

“I will look like I stepped out of Vogue or something.”

“That's the plan.”

You shook your head. What had you gotten yourself into?

But when you tried on the first outfit, a smile lifted your lips. It looked good. A flared skirt made of a soft, flowing fabric, short but classy, a fitted silk top and a sand coloured leather jacket.

“Can I come in?” Nigel asked from outside the door.

“Yes, I am decent.”

He laughed.

“Darling, you are the only decent thing in this building.”

He gave you a quick once over and nodded approvingly as he handed you a pair heavy, high heeled boots and a silver belt.

Half an hour later you had about ten outfits that you could match amongst each other, plus a couple of very elegant and sexy evening dresses. While you were trying things on Nigel gave you a small discourse on the world of fashion, which, you had to admit, was rather fascinating. And when you were looking for your clothes to change back into, he confessed that he had tucked them on the bottom of one of the bags with the other clothes, to keep you from wearing them. And while he assured you that you looked breath-taking, you felt entirely overdressed in the ocean-coloured summer dress that was made of sheer silk, the golden stilettos, and a thin belt made of a gold chain.

“I don't think I will be able to walk in these shoes.”

“You will need practice anyway. Better start right right away.”

He smiled.

“Fine, we've covered the clothing, let's do something about your hair then.”

“My hair? What wrong with my hair?”

He just laughed softly and motioned you to follow him.

 

When you finally returned to where Loki was waiting, it was on wobbly feet, as you weren't used to the high heeled shoes. Your hair had been straightened and twisted up loosely with wayward strands falling over your shoulders, and you had a fringe. One of the make up artists showed you how to accent your eyes and had given you a light make up. He recommended lip-gloss as opposed to lipstick, because you felt pretty uncomfortable with all this already. He was kind enough to help you put together a list of items you needed to get before the trip and where to buy them.

When you caught your reflection in one of the mirrors floor to ceiling mirrors as you walked past, you had to admit that you may be able to get used to this. Even though you were a sucker for beautiful things, you had never taken too much care about yourself. You regarded it more of a waste of time. Superficial. But as you glanced at your reflection, you had to admit, you rather liked it. 

As you and Nigel approached, Loki was leaning against the wall, head back and eyes closed.

“All done.”

Nigel's voice made the dark god open his eyes and turn his head, and you were pleased to see his eyes widen slightly as he took you in, even though the look on his face settled into the usual mask a moment later.

“Took you long enough.” He said, staring at you for a moment longer before he turned to Nigel. “It was worthwhile the wait, though, I knew you could turn her into something presentable.”

_Oh, you!_

“I dare say, you have to be careful not to let her distract _you_ , rather that your clients.” Nigel smiled.

“Fortunately she is not my type, one of the reasons I accepted her as my assistant. So that I _wouldn't_ get distracted. How much do I owe you?” Loki followed Nigel into his office and left you waiting outside.

 _You. Hated. This man._  
_You just couldn't figure out, why his words were able to hurt your feelings._

_***_

Loki placed the bags in the trunk of the limousine before he climbed inside to take his seat and you handed him the list for the make up.

“I need to get all this too, can we go past the shop on the way?”

He ran his eyes over the piece of paper.

“Since you know what you need, it would be a waste of time to go there especially. You can call them when we are back at the office and get it delivered to there by courier.”

You were still annoyed with him. And you were angry at yourself, because you shouldn't allow his words to hurt you. It would only confirm what he already implied. That you _liked_ him. Were _attracted_ to him.

_You didn't. You weren't._

At least that's what you repeated to yourself like a mantra.

“You are quiet." His soft voice caught your attention and he looked at you with an unreadable look in his eyes. "Is there nothing else you would like to know about the person who you are going to spend the next month with?”

“Is it difficult to keep up that attitude all the time?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“The arrogance. The sass. The haughtiness. Do you never get tired of it?”

“It is in my nature, so, no, I don't.” He replied without a hint of hesitation. You just nodded and directed your gaze out the window. 

Don't let your feelings get to you. Or your insecurity. See it as a job, because that is all it is. 

“What are we going to do in Europe?”

"Mostly socialising."

"Thor said that your father founded the company there?"

"He has pretty much withdrawn from social events and business dealings, but we have a few important clients, so I go there regularly to meet with them and join social events they organise to represent the company. Hela is under the impression that I am working too hard, that's why she was pushing for a personal assistant. She gets sentimental. But I admit that it will bring certain advantages to have an attractive escort." 

"To distract clients?" 

"And to deter those who try to win favours in exchange for _favours_."

"I guess, it is hard to be an attractive man with lots of money. Hard to deter all those women who are desperate to please you." You said sarcastically.

"You have _no idea, darling."_

 The car came to a stop and when you looked outside, you did not recognise the street, but you could tell that you were not back at the Company.

“Why are we stopping here?”

“We are not done shopping yet.”

“What else could I possibly need, Loki? I have like tons of clothes and shoes – and even bags. And two hats. I've never even _worn_ hats before.”

He side eyed you with a smile.

“We have taken care of your outer layer, now we need to take care of what you wear underneath.”

“What?!”

He rolled his eyes at you.

“We urgently need to train you on expressing yourself more eloquently. You also have to address _me_ appropriately.”

You crossed your arms.

“Right. How about  _your majesty?_ Would that suffice?”

“I consider "Mr Odinson" a good start, after that we will work on _'I beg your pardon'_.”

“I will never _beg_ you for anything, _Loki_.”

He chuckled softly.

“We will see about that.”

You stuck your tongue out at him.

“That tongue of yours will get you in trouble one day, kitten. Now, get out of the car.”

“I will _not_ go lingerie shopping with you.”

“You will.”

“Give me  _one_ reason why I would want you to know what I wear underneath? Or rather, why would  _you_ want to know – do you have some kind of lingerie kink?”

He laughed.

“I reserve my kinks for those ladies who are willing to be involved in them, and you're evidently  _not_ one of them. But I need my pretty little assistant not only to  _look_ attractive but to  _feel_ it. Believe me, there is no better tool to convince a woman to feel attractive than sensual lingerie. You're never going to feel sultry if you keep wearing those cotton briefs.”

He shot you a devilish smirk, and you felt the heat rise to your face again.

_Damn him. How did he --?_

“I was just guessing. Now abandon your chastity and let me lavish lace on you.”

You did not move.

“Stubborn little thing. I promise, I am not going to ask you to let me see if it looks good on you. I will behave perfectly decent – as long as we are in there.”

“Do you even know how to  _spell_ that word?”

“I am giving you a choice here. You can choose what _you_ would like to wear, or you will wear what _I_ choose for you.”

“You can't force me.”

"Oh, you have no idea how easily suitcases get lost while traveling."

"You wouldn't dare." You glared at him.

He laughed as he got out of the car and then poked his head back inside, extending a hand towards me.

“Come. _D.E.C.E.N.T._ I _can_ spell it.”

You ignored his outstretched hand and exited the car on the other side, then walked around to stand before him with your arms crossed.

"Smile for me. You will enjoy this."

He stepped up to the door of a two story lingerie shop you had parked right in front of and opened it, inviting you in with a small bow of his head.

“My Lady.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Can I help you with anything?”

One of the shop attendants came up to you as soon as you entered. She nodded a greeting at Loki, before she eyed you curiously.  
You stood there, feeling awkward, and heard him come up behind you. You stiffened when you felt Loki's arm sneak around your waist from behind, his hand coming to a rest on your stomach.

“Hello, Maria. My wife and I are going on a holiday, and I would like to indulge her.” He tucked you closer to him and after the initial shock, you regained your composure and smiled at the lady, whose face lit up with sudden excitement, and you tried to ignore the way his thumb was gingerly stroking over the thin fabric or your dress.

_Decent._

_You should have known._

_Bastard._

“How wonderful that I finally get to meet you, Mrs Odinson.” The lady, Maria, said and extended her hand which you shook.

“The pleasure is on my side.”

How easily the words tumbled from your lips. You were surprised.

“You have a very indulgent husband.”

“Oh, believe me, I know. But don't believe anything he says.” You said, and felt Loki's fingers tighten on your stomach.

If he wanted to play, then two could play this game. You turned just enough to place your hand on his chest, fingers stroking over his Valentino shirt with feigned affection.

“While my husbandclaims to be indulging  _me_ , he is only thinking of himself." You looked up at him with a smile. "He is thinking of how he is going to peel me out of all that wonderful silk and lace." To your satisfaction the muscle in his jaw twitched, he was not nearly as much in control as he pretended to be. Then you turned back to Maria. "It's more like he's indulging in beautiful gift wrap for something he already owns.”

A low purr vibrated through Loki's chest, before he chuckled softly and shook his head.

The shop assistant laughed politely at your words. 

“So, what colours do you prefer?” she asked.

“We just went shopping and I have a whole new collection of outfits, so maybe I can choose colours to match them? Loki, darling, would be so kind and bring in some of the shopping?”

You turned your head up to look at Loki and patted your flat hand against his chest. You were surprisingly good at this. 

“I know how bent you are on me  _looking_ the part.”

Loki looked as though he was biting his tongue, when you finally felt his arm withdraw from your waist, you exhaled with relief.

“Anything for you, darling.” He whispered into your ear.

And then he was gone, obediently fetching the bags from the car.

You could not believe how easy that had been.

You turend towards the shop assistant, Maria, and found her beaming at you.

“I apologise for staring. But we are so excited to finally meet you. Mr Odinson is such a charmer, isn't he? Aren't you lucky to have a man like him.”

You almost rolled your eyes. Oh, yes, so, so  _lucky_.

“He is one of our regular clients, so I am glad he finally brought you with him.”

_Wait, so, this was the shop were Loki bought lingerie for – his flings? The client's wives? His lovers?_

_Good God. Did you really want to know this?_

You pushed the thoughts away and smiled at the lady.

“He would probably choose all the exciting items if we let him, but I will need something a little practical as well. And I don't want him to get a sneak peek when I try them on, so can you make sure he is occupied while I am in the changing room?”

"Sure, we wouldn't want to spoil the surprise. We will not allow him to have a peep." She winked at you.

Even though you did not expect Loki to stoop that low and follow you to the changing rooms, after what just happened you were not sure about anything any more.

_His wife!_

_He was a menace._

Loki returned with the bags and you started pulling out dresses, skirts and blouses and went to work with the shop assistant.

It turned out to be fun, once you started looking at the pieces of silk and lace that were all extraordinary beautiful. You were glad there were no price tags on them.  Somehow the fact that you could choose whatever you wanted without considering the cost, made you appreciate the lacy pieces that you had shunned in favour of comfy cotton.

Surprisingly, Loki left you to your own devices and browsed around the shop himself. You noticed him ever so often picking pieces off the racks and placing them on the counter. It made you curious. So, you went over and picked up a bra, pretending to admire it, while you looked at the size. _Exactly_ your size.

Well, he had eyed you up often enough, and considering he seemed to be a proficient lingerie shopper it should not have surprised you, but it did. Aside from the slightly shocking fact that he knew the size of your underwear, he also had exquisite taste, as you discovered when you let your eyes roam over the pieces he had chosen.

“He has a good eye, hasn't he?”

Maria collected a few items in her arms.

“I will place these in one of the changing rooms for you.” You nodded and she walked away.

You stood there, letting your fingers run over the silk and lace Loki had chosen, enthralled by its delicacy. You had never really noticed before how beautiful it was. The soft shimmer of silk and the dainty flowers of the lace. And the colours were exactly your taste. 

“He really has an eye for beauty.” You muttered, dumbfounded and entranced by the discovery.

How could someone who chose such beautiful things be so – so – vulgar? Arrogant? Sinister? Seductive? Callous? You were unable to find the right word.

You glanced at the items in your hand, then at the pieces Loki had put on the counter. They were all so beautiful. It was going to be a tough choice. And they were obviously expensive, so you could probably only pick enough to go with your wardrobe. Maybe ten? Twelve?

“You are frowning. What is troubling you?” His velvet voice purred behind you as his arm extended to add a smoky blue negligee and matching set of bra and slip to the growing pile.

“Stop.” You whispered. “I already have trouble choosing from all this.”

He sniggered softly.

“Is  _that_ why you are concerned? That you are buying too many? Which ones to choose?”

“I – I am not used to this kind of shopping, Loki.”

“Then allow yourself to be indulged today. You can choose as many as you want. Now go and try them on, but don't take anything that's uncomfortable, because I neither want to hear you whine nor have you fidget around uncomfortably when we are with clients.”

You turned around and glared at him, which he answered with a teasing smile.

"Don't forget to choose nightwear too. I can always do it for you, if you like.”

"Please yourself." You said. You weren't going to be able to deter him anyway and he did have good taste. You picked up some of the items and followed Maria towards the changing rooms.

"Choosing beautiful gift wrap for something I already _own_ , gives me great pleasure." He purred. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently watched "the Devil wears Prada" again, which inspired me to write the "shopping" chapter. I imagine Nigel to be the Nigel from the movie. I absolutely adore Meryl Streep in this movie, she's kind of a female version of nasty Loki.
> 
> And I absolutely enjoyed the lingerie shopping - although he is not going to peel her out of the "gift wrap" for a little while ... 
> 
> :)  
> Thanks for your support!!


	7. the Devil May Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So here is another one...
> 
>  
> 
> .... and I apologise beforehand...

_If I could read your mind love,_  
_What a tale my thoughts would tell._  
_Just like a paperback novel,_  
_The kind the drugstores sell._  
_When you reach the part where the heartache comes_  
_The hero would be you._  
_But Heroes often fail._

_Studio 54, if you could read my mind_

 

There was a smug smile on Loki's face on the way back to the company.

You avoided to look at him and stared out the window, lost in your thoughts. The elation from the shopping had worn off and you felt annoyed with yourself again. You had played right into his hands, hadn't you?

His charm was just hiding the fact that he had basically _bought_ you. It truly felt as though you had sold your soul to the devil. Even though he had given you some kind of choice, you were dressed in what _he_ wanted you to wear. This wasn't really _you_ , was it?

Loki turned you into what _he_ wanted you to be. He did not really care how you felt about it. 

You weren't one of those people who allowed others to order you around, but you did not let anyone lavish you with gifts either - or in this case expensive, beautiful clothes. You didn't need that. Didn't _want_ to need it.

It appealed to the side of you that _wanted_ to be taken care of by another person, and you did not necessarily appreciate that side. It was weak and dependent. You did not want to be dependent. You did not need pretty trinkets or clothes to make you feel good.

And yet, you had to admit it _did_ feel good to wear beautiful clothes, and paying attention to the your looks. Loki was right, it made you feel different. You felt beautiful. Something you had unconsciously denied yourself for a long time. To treat yourself. That was why you settled for comfy clothes rather than pretty ones. It was not that you did not have style, you just liked _casual_. Inner virtues were much more important than outer looks, weren't they? 

You did not want to draw attention, you were quite happy to be left alone. 

 _Hiding_. You were hiding.

_"you are trying to hide in a secluded life of comfort where nothing unexpected can happen, instead of embracing your life fully.”_

You were reminded of Hela's words and frowned. 

Loki had awoken that part of you that was starved for attention, for beauty, for letting yourself be treated, allowing yourself to indulge.

A side the other part did not harmonise with. You hated that you liked it. Hated that Loki had the power to bring that out in you. That it was _him_ who was indulging you.

“So easily enticed by beauty and power, who would have thought?” He was gazing at you, that smug smile still on his face. “Remind me again, who it was that told me 'not everything in life was about money and material things"?”

_That's exactly why you hated it._

“You manipulated me.”

“And you liked it.”

“I did not.”

“Are you shocked to admit that you are enticed by material beauty? That you allowed yourself to be treated? Do you feel it beneath you to give attention to these unnecessary, superficial things that hold no true value? You thought that you had no need for them, until today, didn't you? Is that what is going through your pretty little head and makes you look so conflicted?”

_How did he do that?_

“I hate you.”

_Ok, you had to admit, that was harsh._

“No, you don't."

_Apparently not harsh enough._

"You are merely ashamed that you are just as easily manipulated by money and material things as other people.”

“I hate it, because I feel cheap - like - like you _bought me_. I stupidly fell into your trap.”

_You didn't know why you even bothered trying to explain your feelings to him._

Loki laughed softly.

“Well, for a start. Since I paid for the whole lot, I can assure you that you are anything but  _cheap_. Simply change the way you look at things. You have a choice. You can feel helpless and manipulated - by your own desires rather than me, mind you - or you can choose to enjoy this. Which you did inside the shop. That was an acadamy award performance in there, by the way."

You forced yourself not to smile involuntarily. You had enjoyed that. Shopping _and_ playing his little game.

"Why not enjoy the things life offers you? Even when they are offered by someone you despise."

You looked at him, as he sat opposite you, like a king, leaning into the leather seat with an effortlessly regal posture. But his eyes studied your face with interest rather than the usual haughtiness.

"This is why it is so easy to manipulate people, because everyone reacts according to their self-image. Most people believe they're undeserving, and since they can't admit it to themselves, they feel that material riches are beneath them. Then they settle for a comfortable, boring, mediocre life - instead of picking from an embarrassment of riches. It is only about the choice you make. Do you choose to enjoy it, use it to direct things the way you want them to go, or do you choose to be a helpless slave to frustrated desires that can never be fulfilled.”

“You could make a fortune writing self-help books, Loki.”

You offered sarcastically, but you knew he had a point, and you smirked at the thought of finding one of Loki Odinson's books at Barnes and Noble - _"Choose wealth, not boredom - how to live a wealthy life through a healthy self-image" - or "I am awesome - handbook for becoming the king of the world."_

"Maybe I should add that to your to-do-list - to record my immortal utterances."

_Smug bastard._

You just huffed.

_Immortal utterances. How could anyone be so full of themselves?_

Admittedly a fetching book title though. " _The_   _Book of immortal utterances by Loki Odinson"._

“And by the way, I did not have to _buy_ you, kitten. I owned you from the day you walked into my office, and as long as you are with me I will do as I please. And you will learn to accept it."

_Grrrrrr._

_This_ kitten _is going to scratch your eyes out one day, if you're not careful._

The last thing you saw before you focused your gaze out the window, determined to keep it there for the rest of the drive, was a the glint of ivory teeth between those devious lips as they curled into a smile.

***

Much to your confusion, Loki - like a perfect gentleman - held the door open for you when you entered the reception room to his office, which gained you a dark glare from Sara. Of course he had to make it worse by merely offering her a hello as he walked past, before he proceeded to hold his office door open for you to enter. 

_Great, that's not going to make the harpy happy._

The rest of the day passed in relative silence. Loki had pulled stacks of folders with information on clients from one of the filing cabinets in his office. He put them on the desk in front of you and claimed you needed to study them thoroughly over the next days. Before that you were busy writing lists of items you needed to buy for his majesty, as they were not available in Europe. 

In the late afternoon, you caught yourself staring at him again. But it didn't take long until he glanced up and raised an eyebrow and you went back to studying clients.

Rather interesting people some of them.

When you opened a new folder, you noticed that some of it was in Russian.

“Are we going to Russia as well?”

“St Petersburg.”

“Oh, wow.”

“Miss Romanov is one of our most important clients in Russia. She will be holding the annual summer ball at her residence.”

Like with every folder, there was a photo attached to the first page. Miss Romanov was an attractive red-head with full lips and sly eyes. You flicked through the file. Your gaze sweeping over the details.

Former KGB agent and assassin, now owner of a talents agency for young stage actors and dancers, as well as a school for martial arts.

_Wait! What?_

“Uh - a-assassin?" You almost stumbled over your words. 

"Did I not try to explain to you that my job is one where you always have to watch your back?"

"Geeze, Loki. That's not funny."

"I'm not laughing, am I?"

No. He wasn't. He did not even look up from what he was doing.

"How do you even get to have this information? Would that not be classified?"

"It is. And I trust you keep it that way. We hold two sets of files on our clients. These are the absolute confidential ones. They all enclose things that are not meant to go public - not even to secretaries. That's why I keep them in my office."

You were stunned for a moment and just stared at him.

"I trust you to _keep_ everything confidential."

_Holy cow._

"You mean - nobody knows about this?"

"Nobody except for me, Hela, Thor and - now - you."

You swallowed.

"What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that if I should ever get tired of your loose tongue and temper, I would not have to dirty my hands murdering you, as there would be plenty of people who would love to do it for me." He deadpanned.

And you shrieked. A little shriek. You really tried not to, but this wasn't funny. Loki merely continued what he was doing.

"To be honest, I was thinking that you are perfectly capable of confidentiality. As my personal assistant you will also need to deal with clients, and I wish for you to know who you are dealing with. Not all of them are trustworthy." He paused. "Having said that, Natasha is - trustworthy. So, don't judge them by their past."

"Are there anymore assassins amongst our clients?"

Loki looked up at you.

"How very sweet of you." 

You raised an eyebrow at him.

"You work here for half a day and already address them as " _our"_ clients. Are you finally happy to work _with_ me then?"

You had not even noticed you had done that. 

"With "we" I meant the company. Not _you_."

You scowled at him.

"Of course."

He adjusted his glasses. 

"She is pretty, Natasha. I am just not sure how to deal with her though should I meet her. I mean ... she was an assassin ...  I don't know."

“You _will_ meet her. And you will like her, she's right up your alley.”

_Right up my alley? You gotta be kidding me! She's an assassin. A-s-s-a-s-s-i-n! For crying out loud._

“Where else are we going?" You asked keeping your tone casual while you kept reading through her file.

“We start in Paris, then go on to Geneva, Rome and Milano, have a layover in Vienna before we head to Russia. We may get to stop in Iceland before we finish in England.”

The look on your face must have said - Geeze, we are going to squeeze all this into three weeks?

"We will travel by plane. On the jet."

“So, we will stay for a few days in each place?”

“Don't get your hopes up, there will not be much time for sightseeing.”

You pouted and Loki smiled.

"You will be very busy, kitten. There are, of course, business meetings that you do not have to attend, you could sneak out and play tourist during those. But I would hate for you to get lost." He leaned back and tapped the pen he was holding against his chin, while regarding you with glinting eyes. "Maybe I need to collar you, so that people know who you belong to, should you get lost."

_What the hell?_

Loki just laughed and went back to work.

***

The rest of the week settled into pretty much the same rhythm. Loki spent a lot of time testing you on your knowledge on clients, and by the time Friday came around Loki was busy trying to finish all the work that needed to be done before he left. Sara and you had wordlessly agreed on a more or less peaceful co-existence, which worked as long as you did not smile at Loki or did anything else to arouse her jealousy.

She was almost as possessive as the devil himself. 

Saturday came faster than you had hoped. Loki and you were leaving early Monday morning, which gave you Sunday at least to sort things out at home and chill a little - preferably with Thor. It was after eleven pm when you left Loki and Sara to finish up at the office and walked down to the limousine that Loki had organised for you to take you home. Just as you molded your body into the comfortable seat, you realised you had left your keys on Loki's desk. You had taken them out of your bag earlier when looking for your phone.

You sighed. You were exhausted and even the small effort of walking back seemed like a tremendously arduous feat. Well, at least you had noticed now, when you could still go back.

You slipped out of your stilettos in the elevator and walked down the marble corridor to Loki's office without your shoes on, relishing in the feel of the cool stone under your feet. As you were about to pass the coffee kitchen, you heard a soft moan from inside and before your brain was able to put two and two together and register what that noise quite possibly implied, you had already turned your head towards the open door. And stopped dead in your tracks.

_Damn instinctive reactions._

There was Sara, sitting on the counter, her legs wrapped tightly around Loki's hips. One of Loki's hands was buried in her hair to pull her head back and expose her throat to him, which he ravished hungrily with his mouth. Another moan escaped Sarah's lips. 

_HOLYJESUSMARYANDJOSEPH!!!_

Your mouth opened and you just caught yourself from squealing, before you slapped your hand in front of your eyes and stumbled backwards.

The need to retrieve your keys paled into insignificance next to the image that was now burnt into your mind, and you rushed back to the elevator. The doors closed and you stared at your reflection for a minute, processing what you had just witnessed and trying to understand the feelings that slowly surfaced inside you as the shock wore off.

_Holy crap. Loki was fucking Sara._

Well, at least it looked like he was well on his way to do so.

On the kitchen counter.

You pulled a face. You'd think twice now to make a cup of tea in there.

_Oh God._

The doors of the elevator opened and you walked through the lobby and out to the limousine in a daze.

“Everything ok, Miss?”

“Yes Hugh, thank you. I am just really tired.” You lied and took your seat with your back to him.

It felt as though there was a little squirl inside your chest that was twisting and moving and just could not seem find a position to settle. And there was a lump in your throat. And someone had punched you in the stomach.

You felt sick.

Then a tear slipped down your cheek and you quickly wiped it off.

It was awkward enough to have walked in on them, but there was no reason to feel upset about it.

You should have expected it.

You knew that Loki had "liaisons" as he liked to call them.

But somehow there was a big difference between  _knowing_ and _seeing_.

You wiped away another tear. 

Why was that so shockingly painful?

Because even with all the bantering, you had settled into a good rhythm with him. You had even started to find it pleasant to work with him - well, _kind of._

And that's all you should be interested in anyways. The job, nothing more.

There was no reason to be hurt or jealous when you saw him ravishing someone ... else. Even Harpy-Sara.

You didn't own him.

The thought made you snigger softly. Because it made it so blantantly obvious what he meant when he said he _owned_ you. With a stabbing pain in your chest you finally admitted it to yourself. 

You _liked_ him. Had liked him from the moment you walked into the office the first time. Your mysterious, dark god.

And he knew.

_Mysterious, dark god._

That was so far from the truth. So, so far.

You were so hopelessly, stupidly romantic.

Loki cared _nothing_ for you. For him you were nothing but another pawn in the game, someone he could play with. Just like anyone else.

Did you really think you were special?

You swallowed back the tears. He wasn't worth it.

 _You're such an idiot._ You told yourself. He had told you, hadn't he? 

_I can't afford love, but I can afford pure, unadulterated, shameless sex._

_You are not the kind of woman that stirs my loins._

_Fortunately she is not my type, one of the reasons I accepted her as my assistant._

You bravely swallowed back more tears.

Silly, sentimental girl.

Oh, god, you felt so stupid. Incredibly stupid. 

 _According to him, you weren't even worth a fuck,_ you thought bitterly. 

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

But you made a promise to yourself that, if he should ever change his mind you would not afford him the gratification and be one of his "liaisons". _Not. Ever._  would you let Loki Odinson in your bed … or into your kitchen for that part.

Just see him as what he is. Your arrogant boss.

Don't romanticise him anymore.

Stop thinking about him. He's not worth it. Not worth it.

Think about what you need to do tomorrow. What to pack, what to prepare. You needed to ask Thor to water the plants, make sure to go back and get your keys from the office.

You groaned. Your keys!

You would have to go over to Thor's and ask him for the spare set he kept for you.

Well, at least you knew he would be home.

Thor was reliable. He didn't spend his time ravishing secretaries on kitchen counters.

_Oh, god. Stop! Stop thinking about it!_

“We are here, Miss Y/N.” Hugh's voice parted the fogs of your clouded mind.

“Thank you so much, Hugh.”

You grabbed your bag and waved him good bye, then made your way to Thor's house.

The lump in your throat was still there. It was ok, you would just ask Thor for the keys and then you were free to go home to cry. Just a few more brave minutes.

You knocked on Thor's door and it opened a moment later. Luckily he was still awake.

“Y/N! What are you doing here so late? Shouldn't you be in bed and rest up, since my little brother is probably going to torment you for the next three weeks?”

That was the straw that broke the camels back.

Without a word you lunged forward, wrapped your arms tightly around Thor and let the tears flow.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, looks like Loki's knee-deep in trouble ... he might have to collar the reader after all if he doesn't want her to run away...
> 
> Let me know what you think! :)


	8. God of Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the feedback, comments and ideas!!
> 
> I have been busy at work, so sorry for later updates.  
> The next chapters are also rather challenging, as I am trying to keep everyone in character, and keep the lightness, the drama and the wit balanced . .... 😅 ... we will see how that works out. 
> 
> Things may develop in unexpected ways - so for all those of you who would love to see Loki put in his place - kindly be patient.
> 
> This is a "comfort" chapter. Loki will be back in the next.
> 
> More will follow soon...

 

It took a moment before Thor's arms found their way around you, gingerly rubbing your back, and Thor waited patiently until your sobbing lessened before he spoke.

“Why don't you come inside and tell me what happened?”

You pulled away, suddenly feeling incredibly stupid, but before you could say decline the offer, Thor stepped aside and guided you in by resting one of his hands gently on your back. He closed the door behind you.

“Go, make yourself comfortable on the couch, I'll get you something to make you feel better.”

You obeyed, pulled off your shoes and settled amongst the pillows, drawing your legs up to put your arms around them.

Now that the tears had released a fair part of your distress, you felt silly for reacting like you had.

Loki had no obligation towards you. He was your boss - not your lover. Or your boyfriend. Not even your friend, as a matter of fact.

Sara was pretty, and you guessed, more than willing to be one of his flings. Ok, she had a dreadful character, but to be honest, so had Loki, hadn't he?

There was no way you would tell Thor that you were crying your eyes out over your his little brother, because you had feelings for him that were not reciprocated. 

Loki had roped you in with his looks, wits and never ending insinuations. Maybe even with his possessiveness. And you had romanticised him. But there was nothing romantic about this man. He was callous, ruthless and lust-driven.

Looking at it from this angle made it easier to accept what had happened. 

It did not make it hurt less though. You placed your forehead on your knees.

The couch dipped when Thor sat down beside you and when you looked up, you saw that he had a cup of hot chocolate in his hands.

_Bless him. There was a reason why he was your comfort zone._

You accepted it with slightly shaky hands, and took a sip.

_Even had the right temperature. Not too hot, not too cold._

Why could you not offer your heart in worship of a golden-haired Surf-god, rather than a dark devil of despicable character?

Because you were a naive and hopelessly romantic artist-soul - an incorrigible dreamer.

You wanted hopeless people to find hope. Unfortunate lovers find love. You wanted bad people to turn good.

When it concerned Loki, you definitely had to wake up.

“Is Loki responsible for this?”

Thor's voice was so low that it sounded more like a growl, and you could feel threat vibrating through it.

You wondered briefly what he would do if you told him. But, really, _what_ were you going to tell him? That you were jealous of Loki's secretary, because Loki had the indecency to boner her? That you were upset with Loki for shagging other women?

It wasn't as if he'd done it to upset you. He had organised a car for you and even walked you to the door. He had thought you had well and truly gone, before he got to work. 

You shook your head.

“It's not … Loki.”

It wasn't even a lie. Loki wasn't responsible for your reaction. _You_ were. And only you could change that.

Had you truly expected him to be a decent person? You needed to urgently ban him from your heart, which should not be too hard, considering he was such an asshole most of the time. Then why was it so damn hard?

“In the whole time I've known you, I've never seen you cry.”

_Because I usually do that at home. Alone._

“I think I just had – I had a really intense week. I am not used to working regular days with long hours. And studying all these clients' details. It's exhausting. I am sorry.”

“No need to be sorry.” Thor's hand rubbed your back soothingly. “You know you are welcome here anytime. Especially if you need a shoulder to cry on.”

You searched his his kind storm-grey eyes.

“Thanks.” You sniffed and took another gulp of your hot chocolate.

“But if Loki should ever be the reason for your tears, I want to know.” You hesitated, and finally nodded. “I'll strap that little critter to my surfboard and send him out onto the ocean on a stormy day to teach him a lesson, if I must.”

It made you chuckle, because you knew that even though he was joking, Thor really cared. He was ready and willing to cut Loki down to size for you.

“Thanks.” You said. “You could leave him to the sharks.”

“That's a bit harsh. He's still my little brother.”

“Send him out in electrical storm then, so that there's at least a _possibility_ he gets struck by lightening.”

“Woah.” Thor laughed softly. “He's really not in your good books at the moment, is he?”

“It's been a very long moment, to be honest.”

“I hoped he would become more tolerable, considering how much he likes you."

_Why did everyone believe he liked you, when it was so blatantly obvious that he didn't?_

You felt tears well up in your eyes again and quickly wiped them away with your sleeve.

"Are you going to be ok to be going on the trip? If it's too much you can always cancel it.”

You had not actually thought of it. Of _quitting_. Thor was right, there was always the possibility of cancelling the trip and leave Loki to his own devices. Spend your time with Thor and Maul instead. That sounded nice.

But you weren't a quitter. And, as disappointed as you were in him, it wasn't fair on Loki either.

Yes, he was an ass and he had no taste when it came to women – when it came to _Sara_. Sara was a low blow. But as much as you hated to admit it, Loki had made it evident over the past days that he wanted you to be included in everything concerning this trip, he wanted you to be a _part_ of it, he wanted you to work _with_ him. No matter how callous he was concerning your feelings, he had taken a lot of time and care to educate you on the company's clients. He trusted you with highly confidential information.

He _trusted_ you.

When you came to think of it now, all his sassy asshole mentality aside, he considered you a partner, rather than a dimwitted pretty girl by his side who was needed to distract clients with her looks. And the past few days he had treated you respectfully apart from the bantering and teasing. He had been entirely decent. Then why was he so callously playing with your feelings?

_Lord, have pity on my soul! This man was infuriating. Infuriatingly confusing._

No, you weren't a quitter.

And now that your rational mind started to reemerge out of the wild ocean of emotional turmoil, you could clearly see what you needed to work on - your  _feelings_ for Loki.

Now that you were aware of them, you needed to get them under control. He used the fact that you liked him to rag on you, that was what gave him the upper hand. So, you needed to take away the fuel he used to feed the fire.

No more romanticising. No more soft feelings. No reading into things. No seeing stuff that wasn't there.

Thor looked at you with a hint of deep concern on his face.

"What is going on up there?"

He tapped his finger lightly against your head and you sighed.

“I'll be fine, Thor. I just need to get some rest.”

“I'll talk to him, if you like, make sure he looks out for you while you're over there.”

_Look out for you?_

That was the last thing that Loki was going to do.

“Don't you dare tell him I cried. I'll never hear the end of it. Seriously, I'll be fine.”

“You sure? I have my methods to keep the little gremlin in line, and, apart from that, I can assure you that Loki is not going to make fun of your tears. He may be an ass, but he is not cold-hearted.”

_Really? You weren't so sure about that anymore._

“Thanks, but – no. There's no need to talk to him. I just need sleep. Tomorrow is a new day. A day without gremlins and critters.”

You chuckled softly as the words left your mouth. Amazing how Thor had this magical ability to make you feel better.

“Do you actually call him that to his face?”

“I used to when we were young. He hates it.” Thor grinned. “You know that old eighties movie? Where these cute little fur balls that look entirely innocent and sweet, transform into green monsters with sharp teeth? That's him.”

You put your empty cup on the coffee table and crossed you arms over your chest.

“I have yet to experience him in the “fur ball” stage, but I know all about green monster with sharp teeth.”

Thor smiled.

“You will get there.” Then his eyes trailed off in thought. “He may need a little push in the right direction though.”

When you yawned, Thor's eyes came back to you, then he reached out and rubbed his thumb over your forehead.

“Frowning doesn't suit you.”

When you glanced at him, he grinned and patted his chest.

“Come here, you look like you need another hug.”

You hesitantly leaned against him.

“You call that a hug? That's not a hug.” He teased, then he added. “I am not going to take advantage of this situation, you know that, don't you?”

“Yes.”

Was all you said and allowed yourself to relax against him.

"That's it."

His strong arms enveloped you, it felt nice. You wondered briefly what he felt when he held you like that. 

"Is this just as nice for you, as it is for me?"

_Oh my God. Had you really just said that?_

Were you really going to set yourself up for an embarrassing moment? That tongue of yours was treacherous.

Thor took a deep breath, and you squeezed your eyes shut.

_Just don't tell me that I'm not the kind of woman that stirs your loins._

Because even coming from Thor it would have been a devastating blow to your self-worth right now. But of course Thor was not going to say anything like that, because he wasn't Loki.

 _Loki_.

There he was again, constantly lingering in your thoughts.

Thor cleared his throat, while one of his thumbs gingerly stroked your arm. 

“I am not going to lie to you." He paused.

_Ok, here it comes._

"You are a sweet and beautiful woman, and I am not free of temptation, especially not when you are snuggling up against me like this. It feels incredibly good. Too good, maybe. But you're a precious friend and you trust me, and I would never compromise our friendship. More than anything, I want you to feel safe in my presence.”

_Oh. You certainly hadn't expected a confession like this from Thor._

“Did you just tell me that you - you're attracted to me?”

You raised your head to look at him and he raised his eyebrows. 

"I would be a complete moron, if I weren't. Any man who has eyes in his head would find you attractive - and not just your looks. You're a beautiful person."

His arm came around you to give you an affectionate squeeze.

“Maybe I shouldn't have been so open. Does that make you uncomfortable?"

_Should it?_

You let your head sink back on his shoulder. 

_To tell the truth, his words were balm to your soul._

"No, it doesn't. As long as it's ok for you that we're just friends."

His chest vibrated with a low chuckle.

"It's more than ok with me."

You closed your eyes and relaxed against him, allowed yourself to indulge in his embrace, to soak up the heat that emanated from his body and the comfort it brought to lie here in his arms. After all the emotional excitement of the last hour, the exertion of the past days finally caught up with you and you felt your conscious mind dwindling as the tiredness seeped into your limbs. Just as you felt your mind drift off, it suddenly kicked in again and reminded you why you had ended up at Thor's door step in the first place.

“I forgot my keys in the office.” You murmured sleepily. “That's why I came over.”

"I know. Loki called me to keep an eye out for you, because he couldn't get hold of you. You knocked on my door a minute after I hung up the phone."

“That's why you were at the door so quickly." You yawned. "I have to go back into the office tomorrow and get them.” 

“Can't you just get them on Monday?”

“Hugh is picking me up from home to go straight to the airport.”

“I am sure Loki will be in the office tomorrow, just ask him to bring them on the trip.”

“Hm. Maybe'll do that.”

Even though you did not feel like texting Loki at all, the prospect of running into him in the office tomorrow, was even less appealing. 

“Why don't you stay here tonight?" Thor suggested. "Get a good rest and go over to your place in the morning.”

“No, I should just go home.”

You shook your head, but didn't move. You felt Thor's chest vibrate with soft laughter again. It was incredibly soothing.

_And he was terribly comfortable ... and comforting ..._

Maybe you would just stay here for a bit longer.

Thor's voice found its way to you through the sleepy haze you were rapidly getting lost in.

“Are you still happy to cut my hair tomorrow? We can always postpone it until after the trip.”

“Hm ... no ... yes … in the afternoon, k? ... after …. everything...”

You adjusted your position a little. Just soak up a more of his warmth for a little while longer.

So comfortable.

So Good.

Safe.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy, moly - Thor is a good brother.  
> I have to admit I love Thor in this role - he's really good for her.. and for Loki. Loki wouldn't agree with me on this though, I am afraid 😁 ... especially after chapter 9...
> 
> ..promise there will be more soon!!


	9. Sympathy for the Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor gives Loki a push in the right direction....

_Be still my beating heart_  
_It would be better to be cool_  
_It's not time to be open just yet_  
_A lesson once learned is so hard to forget_  
_Be still my beating heart_  
_Or I'll be taken for a fool._

_~Sting, be still my broken heart_

 

The sunlight was right in your face and you groaned at the unaccustomed brightness. Since when did the morning sun shine right into your bedroom?

Confused you opened your eyes, only to find yourself on Thor's couch neatly tucked into a cosy blanket.

 _Geeze_. You had fallen asleep.

And Thor had tucked you in on his couch.

You smiled.

_What a hero._

After a good yawn and stretch, you rose and strolled into the kitchen to get yourself a glass of water. It was a small house with an open plan entrance-lounge-kitchen area and a glass front that faced the beach and flooded the place with natural light. You could hear the ocean surf, even through the closed sliding glass doors opened right out onto the deck.

With a tug, you pushed the doors open and stepped outside to inhale the salty air. The breeze was warm and it was only mid-morning. Amazing how this was such a perfect beach in summer while it turned into such a harsh place in winter. You spotted Thor paddling out on his surf board to catch another wave.

_Thanks._

You whispered, while you watched him, and allowed the happenings of the last night to seep back into your mind. You heaved a small sigh.

Things looked brighter today. Probably due to the fact that you had slept really well, and Thor had not only comforted you but also boosted your self-esteem with his small confession.

And yet there was still a dull pressure on your chest.

The fact that you _liked_ Loki and that he was not interested in you, weighed heavy on your heart. Silly, really, wasn't it? Was it not better this way? Did you really want to be one of his flings?

_By all means - no._

What had Nigel said? Don't get used to it, just ignore it.

Maybe you would do exactly that. Ignore him unless necessary.

Even though you had to admit it would be hard to ignore somebody you felt attracted to, especially when this person was so beautiful, and had the bad habit of constantly flirting with you. 

But he wasn't, was he? He was just playing his little game.

He's not interested in you. Just remember that. Remember that you mean nothing to him.

Oh, god.

It would be hard.

No.

You could do this.

And you weren't just fooling yourself?

No. You weren't going to let your unrequited emotions get the better of you.

He was work. Just work. 

You had worked hard over the past days. You weren't going to bail now.

You would get through these three weeks and walk away a stronger person. 

You would learn to put him in his place when the need arose. You would learn to stand your ground.

You reached down to collect your bag from the floor in the entrance way, where you had dropped it last night, and you pulled out your phone, mildly surprised to find several missed calls and text messages - _all_ from Loki.

_Jesus Christ, what did he want now? This was meant to be your day off. Your day for yourself._

Reluctantly you unlocked the screen and opened the messages.

 

LOKI: 11.43pm. Found your keys.

LOKI: 11.45pm. Why are you not answering your phone? Call me.

LOKI: 11.48pm. Thor has your spare keys ready. He is waiting for you.

LOKI: 12.59pm. Good night, kitten.

LOKI: 8.33am. Wake up, sleepy head. No rest for the wicked.

LOKI: 8.34am. Am at your door, kitten. I have your keys.

LOKI: 8.35am. Still waiting.

LOKI: 8.36am. Fine. Ignore me, pet. I will have plenty of time to punish you for it later.

LOKI: 8.38am. Last chance.

LOKI: 8.39am. Put them in the letter box. See you tomorrow. Be ready on time.

 

_Huh?_

_Uh._

_Oh._

You read over the messages again.

Loki had driven out to your place to deliver your keys? It was at least a 30 minute drive from Loki's apartment to your flat.

That was – unexpectedly -  _nice_  of him.

You read the messages again. They sounded almost concerned - affectionate even - and you caught yourself as a smile crept to your lips. 

_Ok. Stopstopstop. Stop. Right. There._

You're reading things into this.

Remember how you felt last night? 

Shitty cannot even describe it.

He did not drive out here for  _you_.

He probably came out for a run on the beach. Not that you imagined Loki being a big fan of sand getting everywhere. But you knew he was a runner.

And even if he had driven all the way out and back simply to deliver your keys back to you, even if it had been a random act of kindness, it did not  _mean anything_.

You rubbed your hand over your face. So confusing. He was just so incredibly confusing.

You shoved the phone back in your bag and made your way over to your house, trying to rid your mind of the dark god who seemed to cause nothing but confusion and mischief in your life. You'd have to look up this Norse god he was named after one day. 

With a smile you stepped into your flat.

Right.

Pack and organise. Then get back to Thor for a haircut and chill out evening.

You smiled.

 

***

 

“Thor?”

You let the door fall into the lock behind you and discarded your shoes, using your toes to slip out of them without bending down, before you pushed them aside and walked into the lounge. It had been a relief to replace the high heels with your comfy sneakers and you had already decided to pack them, no matter what Mr Valentino would have to say about it. You could wear them in the hotels at least.

“Thor?”

Still no answer.

God, you hoped he wasn't in the shower and had forgotten you were coming over 6.30. You would never live it down if he stepped out into the lounge without the shred of a towel covering him.

It _had_ happened before. On a Friday. Because he hadn't read the text that you were coming earlier.

You had squealed and covered your eyes before you could actually see anything.

Thinking of it _now_ , it wouldn't have been _that_ terrifying, really, to get a glimpse. The thought made you smirk involuntarily.

But back then, while you were horrified, Thor just laughed his rumbling laugh, before he casually walked _straight_ past you, sauntering through the lounge and into the bedroom as if he was on a morning beach stroll.

Not. Wearing. A. Single. Thing.

Europeans. They had no shame when it came to nudeness. You evidently had forgotten about this part of your life already.

You listened out for the shower, but could not hear the water going, so you proceeded further and poked your head around the corner into the kitchen.

Nope. Nobody there.

The bedroom door was wide open – it was empty.

Beach it was then.

He would still be out there surfing, or playing with Maul. 

The sliding door to the deck was half open, and just as you were about to push it fully open and step out onto the deck, you caught sight of a couple of figures down by the waterline.

Thor, Maul and …

You blinked.

_… Loki?_

Who was currently squatting in the sand next to Maul, his black hair tousled from the ocean breeze, the dark god was scratching the animals neck and ears with both hands before he leaned forward to –-

_No. This couldn't possibly be Loki._

You did a double take.

Loki was  _cuddling_  the dog. Nuzzling his face right into Maul's thick fur.

You rubbed your eyes.

_No, it wasn't an illusion._

There he was. On the beach. Dressed in a black Valentino suit. Barefoot, tousled, and cuddling a Golden Retriever.

On top of it all - as if your sanity wasn't challenged enough already - he was laughing.

The pearly sound of his genuine, pleasant laughter reached your ears even though the two brothers stood way down by the water.

Now, that was - _a lot to take in all at once._

As you gaped in shock, you realised that it would require no less than a paradigm shift for your mind to harmonise the man on the beach with the ruthless devil at work. And while you were waiting for that to happen, you stood, glued to the spot, one hand still on the door – and simply stared.

The two brothers talked and laughed and you watched how Loki's hand, after he had risen, played affectionately with one of Maul's ears and the dog rubbed his head against his thigh.

A warm feeling spread through your chest as you watched.

It was as if a different personality had come to life in your dark god. One that matched, _no_ , one that was even  _more_ beautiful, than his outer appearance. One he kept well hidden behind a thick wall of repelling demeanour, reserved only for those he felt worthy of letting in. … Or maybe those he felt safe with?

You evidently weren't one of them, and, of course, the thought stung.

In this moment, you realised you were looking at a vulnerable part of Loki. A part that was so precious to him, that he was unwilling to share it with anyone apart his family, and it felt as though you had intruded something _sacred,_ which you had no right to invade, no matter what an asshole Loki was most of the time.

So, you withdrew and stepped back inside. Sparing the two brothers one last glance, before you walked into the kitchen to make yourself a cup of tea, while you waited for them to come in.

If you had thought Loki confusing before, he was positively incomprehensible now.

Unfortunately for you, the vulnerability you had just witnessed, softened your heart towards him.

_Damn him._

You bit your lip. It was so much easier to believe him to be an arrogant ass all the time.

Now you knew he wasn't. Not with Thor at least.

But you wouldn't allow that to make you delusional again.

You wouldn't be naive enough to think that he could possibly  _like_  you, when he evidently had no interest in you.

Maul interrupted your thoughts, when he came trodding into the lounge, waging his tail. You knelt down to nuzzle him.

“Hello, Y/N.” Thor said as he stepped inside, followed by Loki, who stiffened when he saw you.

_Ok, so it looked like Thor had not told him you would come over then._

“Hi!” You smiled at Thor, and feigned surprise when your glance wandered to Loki, and you stood. “Oh, hi, Loki.”

“Hi.”

The artless, innocent elation had vanished from his features as soon as his gaze fell on you, and his face had become an unreadable mask.

“Y/N and I are going to make the most of our last night together, before you whisk her away for three weeks." Thor said and you thought there was a hint of a smug smile on his face.

Loki's eyes shifted from you to Thor.

“I still have things to do at the club, maybe I should go now and leave you two to it.”

Thor laughed and shook his head.

“Are you kidding, Loki? You barely arrived half an hour ago. Let's have a drink on the deck. Y/N promised me a haircut, maybe she can do my hair out there.”

“Sitting outside is much more practical for haircuts anyway, less to clean up.” You offered to break the ice that thickened by the second. You squeaked in surprise, when Thor leaned forward to press a chaste kiss on your cheek as he walked past you into the kitchen.

You blushed and your eyes shot to Loki, whose own eyes darkened to a scowl and you were a taken aback by the disdain that lay in his gaze.

“ _One_ drink.” Loki growled.

Thor pulled two ales out of the fridge and proceeded to open them on the edge of the kitchen counter with his hand. It always amazed you how he did that. You had tried it many times, but only ever hurt your fingers.

“Thanks for dropping my keys, by the way.”

You said and averted your eyes under Loki's icy glare, trying to fix your attention on Maul. There was something in Loki's gaze that made you wary.

“No big deal.”

Thor glanced at you and rose his eyebrows.

“Loki dropped the keys at your place before he came here? That was fairly decent of him, wasn't it?”

You rolled your eyes at him. He was trying to put Loki back in your good books.

What a good brother.

“Loki dropped them in the letterbox this morning.”

“You came all the way out here just to drop some keys, Loki?”

Loki shoved his hands in his pocket and looked anywhere but you.

“I – had some business close by.”

 _What was it with this man? Was he too proud to admit to a small, random act of kindness_ _even?_

You could tell he was lying. He did not even make an attempt to hide it.

He cleared his throat and strolled into the lounge area. You knew Loki well enough now to be able to tell that he was not feeling as collected as he pretended to be. It was the twitch in his jaw that betrayed him. On top of that, he was quiet – in an unsettling kind of way.

You felt bad for invading his family-time with Thor. Loki would have come here to hang out with his brother. But he could not drop his masks as long as you were there, could he? 

“Hey, Thor, why don't I just leave you two to chat and have a drink, and come back in an hour?”

_You couldn't believe you were actually having sympathy for the devil._

“I don't see why. Does Loki's presence bother you?”

“Uh, no, but --”

“Is this new, Thor?” Loki interrupted you before you could finish. He was currently studying one of the paintings on the lounge.

“It is.” Thor joined his brother, offering him one of the bottles, while you slinked off to the front door to get the hair-cutting scissors from your bag, your cheeks burning as you strained your ears to listen to their conversation.

_Let's see what the devil has to say about the painting._

“It's remarkable.” Loki's voice held what you interpreted as awe. You peeped around the corner of the wall that divided the entrance area from the main lounge, watching as Loki leaned forward to get a better look at the canvas, his eyes narrowed in concentration.

“Rough brush strokes when you look at it up close, but the way the strokes are placed ... precisely where they need to be to create the big picture when you look at it from further away. And the blend of colours ... it's impressive." He took a step back. "You can almost see the lightening breaking through the storm clouds ... Is that your name there? – in elder furthark runes. Father would love this.”

He liked it. Loki _admired_ your painting.

_Why did that make you all fuzzy in your chest and stirred up butterflies in your stomach?_

_Stop it! He. Does. Not. Care._

_He didn't even know this was your painting._

Loki's soft laugh brought you back out of your thoughts.

“He even has a _resemblance_ with you, Thor - you're really not as handsome though, sorry brother.  _This_  Thunderer is the real thing, while you are merely a mortal fake.”

“Nevertheless, it was I who inspired the painting." Thor grinned proudly. 

You tried to use this moment to sneak past them and straight out onto the deck unnoticed.

“And guess who the talented artist is?”

 _Ugh_.

You did not see Loki's face, only heard the surprise in his voice. Was it really so unbelievable that you could have created this piece of art?

 _“_ _You?”_

You turned around to face him as the words dropped from his lips.

"Me."

Loki stared at you for a moment.

“You actually have talent, who would have thought?”

_Did you truly consider having sympathy with him a moment ago?_

You opened your mouth to reply something, when Thor's arm wrapped around you and your words got stuck in your throat.

He was unusually touchy. You wouldn't have minded, but in Loki's presence, Thor's affections made you uncomfortable. 

“She is one of the most talented people I know. I absolutely adore that painting.” Thor proclaimed proudly.

If looks could kill, you were sure that you would have dropped dead about a million times, struck down by the countless daggers that Loki shot at you in this moment. He took a swig from his beer, while his eyes lingered on your shoulder, where Thor's hand rested.

_What was his problem? Why was he acting jealous, when he didn't even like you?_

And then the penny dropped.

He was jealous of you getting along with _Thor_. Or better, jealous of you getting Thor's attention. You had intruded on his family-time and effectively come between him and Thor. Loki had a possessive nature, and that was the only thing you could think of to make sense of his behaviour.

Loki cleared his throat and tore his gaze away from your shoulder to fix his eyes on Thor.

“Shall we go and sit outside, then?”

He stalked past the two of you and made himself comfortable on one of the deck chairs, his long legs crossed at the ankles, gaze directed out onto the ocean.

_He was positively pissed._

Thor followed Loki and dropped into the seat beside him. You sighed. 

For harmony's sake, you decided to keep your presence low-key. Otherwise you would have three weeks ahead of you with a giant jealous, spiteful gremlin. Not something to look forward to.

You playfully snipped the scissors in front of Thor's face.

“Are you sure about this?”

He took a long swig from his beer and grinned.

“Absolutely. Go for it.”

“Sit up straight.”

You demanded and pushed your hand into his back to make him sit upright, and he chuckled.

“Real short?”

“Real short.”

You felt Loki side-eye you as your fingers combed through Thor's hair, when you looked up to meet his eyes he narrowed them and shifted his gaze back to the water.

Long, blonde strands dropped onto the varnished wooden planks of the deck.

It was a shame, Thor had beautiful hair.

_It is time for a change, he had said. Time to move on._

From whatever it was that he needed to move on.

You remembered Hela telling you about him withdrawing from the company to live out here. Maybe that's what he meant? To change that?

“Will you go and see mother when you're in England?"

You kept chopping off the golden tresses as you listened to their conversation.

“Yes. I am extending my trip for a few days to stay with her and father in Birch Grove."

"Where's Birchgrove?" You asked.

"It is Mother's estate in the Lake District." Thor enlightened you, and it took a moment to wrap your mind about what he had said.

Their mother's _estate_? And it even had its own name?

“She will be delighted to finally meet you, Y/N."

"Wait – you - you told your mother about me?"

"Of course I have."

Loki cleared his throat.

“I had not planned on bringing Y/N. I am going to put her on a plane and send her back to New York as soon as her contract ends. I see no reason to bring a stranger to mother's house.”

_Ouch. The devil was rapidly exhausting your supplies of sympathy._

“A stranger? Y/N is not a stranger.”

“I am not overly keen on having to look after her in my family home.”

“I'd appreciate it if you didn't speak about me as if I wasn't there. Because I am right here.” You snapped.

“Oh.” Loki afforded you a raised royal eyebrow. “My apologies. I hadn't noticed.”

Your fingers tightened in Thor's hair and he hissed.

"Sorry."

Just when you thought that the God of Being-a-complete-jerk, had a vulnerable side and deserved some sympathy, Loki was blowing his comeback with ridiculous speed. And you were rudely reminded of last night.

This time you did not feel hurt though - it was anger that surged through your veins.

How could you have even been upset about him and Sara? He was a crude, callous person, and, as far as you were concerned, he was free to screw whoever he wanted, as long as it _wasn't_   _you_. 

You ran your fingers through Thor's now short hair to cut it even. The blonde purred.

"Hm, that feels good, so much better than the barber."

Loki took a very long swig from his beer.

Thor purred again you laughed softly, and noticed Loki fidgeting with the bottle in his hand.

_To hell with your sympathy for him - and damn your bad conscience for intruding his family-time with Thor._

If he was jealous of you getting Thor's attention, you would give him reason to be jealous.

The next time you ran your fingers through Thor's hair again, he made a noise between a moan and a purr. 

“Stop it, Thor, you're making Loki uncomfortable.”

The dark devil huffed and shot you a glare.

“Can't blame me for enjoying myself, when my favourite girl touches me in such intimate ways."

Before you could stop yourself, your tongue already jumped at the opportunity to release an ambiguous reply.

“I will touch you in much more intimate ways if you don't stop purring like that.”

Loki's jaw tightened. 

“Can you two get a home, please?” Loki took another swig from his beer.

Thor leaned his head back into your hand, and closed his eyes. There was a roguish grin on his face.

_Was he actually ---_

“We _are_ at home, Loki, and we won't see each other for three weeks." The blonde surf god replied smugly. "This wonderful woman found solace in my arms last night, and I dare you to look after her well while she is in your care."

_What the hell, Thor??_

Loki looked as if he had been slapped in the face. You were astounded that it was possible for Loki's already pale complexion to fade into an even paler shade, and worried his jaw may possibly break any moment now, tight as it was. 

You could not believe what Thor had just insinuated. What was he thinking?

_Loki was going to kill you before you even arrived at the airport._

And then, Loki's face fell into an expressionless mask as his eyes dropped to the empty bottle in his hand, and his voice sounded dull and defeated.

"Don't worry, brother, I will make sure to return her to you in one piece."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thor's a rascal, isn't he? 
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for all your enthusiasm and support!!! It's been a lot of fun so far!  
> ... and chapter 10 is simmering on low heat at the moment - just needs a good pinch of drama to spice it up before it's ready.


	10. Midnight in Paris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At last Loki starts to see her.  
> He's just way too hurt and confused to admit it. ....

_Her face is a map of the world_  
_You can see she's a beautiful girl_  
_And everything around her is a silver pool of light_  
_The people who surround her feel the benefit of it_  
_It makes you calm_  
_She holds you captivated in her palm._

_And suddenly I see. Why the hell this means so much to me._

_~Suddenly I see, KT Tunstall_

 

Loki stared at you.

He was wrapped up in a cashmere blanket, his slender body stretched out over the three comfortable seats opposite of you.

As soon as the captain had informed you it was safe to take off your seatbelts, Loki had grabbed a blanket and laid down, while you pulled out your notes and went over tomorrow's schedule.

You could feel his eyes on you.

He had been staring at you ever since you sat down.

When you looked at him, he merely glanced back at you, squinting, but did not look away.

“Are you not feeling well?”

“Tired. Had a late night.” He mumbled and snuggled deeper into the blanket.

On the drive out to the airport, he had been eerily quiet, and he had not spoken a single word all the way from the car, through security and onto the plane.

As much as you disliked his arrogant behaviour, you had to admit that you preferred even his ass-mentality to _this_. 

You felt guilty.

Thor had assured you that Loki would be fine, that he would at least make an effort now to be nice and that you shouldn't worry.

But after you had left Thor's house last night, your conscience had caught up with you. You weren't a person who delighted in hurting others or enjoyed making others uncomfortable.

Even the devil.

You were not even sure, why you had played along.

Well, to be honest, you _knew_.

Because Loki had been a hurtful ass and you were still upset about the Sara incident. 

You felt guilty, because you could not shake off the image of the man with tousled hair and a smile on his face, nuzzling Maul.

You felt guilty because you had made him jealous.

And today, when you watched him sitting opposite you in the car, staring out of the window - quiet, closed up and hardly looking at you, you regretted your actions bitterly.

Somehow you had managed to hurt him, which was  _not_ something you had wished to do.

You returned your focus to your notes. Due to the time difference, you would arrive in Paris in the evening, and your first appointment was scheduled for tomorrow morning. A mid-morning reception at Cartier where it was apparently necessary for Loki to make an appearance and small talk with clients. There was a business meeting at 1:30pm – which you hoped to escape and go to the Louvre for a couple of hours instead – followed by dinner at 6:30pm at the Cristal Room Baccarat, a super fancy restaurant. You had looked it up - it was impressive. The dinner was organised by a Gaultier protégé who happened to be a client of the Odinsons. There were three other clients amongst the guests, two of them fashion magazine editors, the third one a famous soccer player. 

The following day was filled with business meetings and afternoon tea at Laduree, an established French patisserie,  with a client. Loki had also penciled in an hour of shopping for you, as you were in "dire need" of more clothing. You smiled involuntarily at the note, which he had cheekily added to your schedule.

You gazed up, meeting those blue eyes that had not moved away from you, even though his face was now partly covered with the soft blanket, as he had pulled it up, almost over his nose.

Loki's gaze held no intensity, on the contrary, it was soft and open. He reminded you of a vulnerable little boy.

Your chest contracted painfully. 

“Would you like some water or anything?”

He merely shook his head. 

You rose to escape his gaze and fetch yourself an orange juice from the fridge, before you settled back into your seat, slipping off your shoes and tucking your legs sideways underneath you to sit on them. You tried to go over the notes on the clients who would be at the Cartier reception and dinner, but could not focus.

“What is it, Loki?”

You met his eyes and he did not look away, but he did not say anything either. You waited. 

“You and Thor ...”

He started and broke off. You waited. But he remained quiet.

"Is that what has been bothering you? I can assure you, that there is no need to be jealous."

Loki huffed. Then he pulled the blanket closer around him and finally closed his eyes, although you could tell that he was not relaxing.

_That was it?_

_He dropped the issue just like that?_

You regarded him with a frown. After a while, Loki's features relaxed, and you knew he had fallen asleep.

He looked so peaceful when he slept.

So beautiful.

You fished the sketch book out of your bag and began drawing. 

A couple of hours into the flight, you ate something, then made a list of things you needed to remember so that Loki's days would go smooth. Loki slept through the rest of the flight and you whiled away your time sketching him and studying information on clients.

The plane touched down in Paris around 8pm and by the time you were at the hotel it was almost 9pm. Loki complained about a headache and stated the need for some peace and quiet. His majesty requested you to come to his room in an hour to go through tomorrow's schedules, before he left you with the bellboy to lead you to your room.

For such a fancy hotel, you found the room itself rather disappointing with its plain brown leather chairs and dark wooden furniture, but you discovered that the large French doors led out onto a small balcony right above the Champs Elysees and gave you a royal view of the ostentatious street. You could even spot the Arc de Triomphe in the distance, which was well illuminated and stood like a beacon in the stream of traffic that flowed like a river up and down the Champs.

With a happy sigh, you inhaled the Parisian air and stretched your arms over your head. You had missed this. _Traveling_. The noise, the smell, the colours of different countries. Every country was unique and exploring the new impressions, filled your heart with warmth and a sense of adventure. That was exactly what you loved about travelling. Experiencing the uniqueness of each country and becoming part of it.

Good old Europe. Part of you could not quite believe you were back on the continent you had left when you were nine. Resting your fore arms on the banister you watched as the dim light on the horizon slowly gave way to the dark of the night. After a little while you returned to the room to inspect it more closely. The bathroom was tiled with marble and was equipped with a luxurious bath tub, which you were planning on using while you were here. And the bed - you let yourself fall onto it face forward - was _illicitly_ comfortable. 

You closed your eyes. 

_Hmm. So comfortable._

When you opened your eyes a moment later, the unfamiliar surroundings confused you.

_Where were you?_

_Ah, yes. Paris._

You reached for your phone and shot up to a sitting position.

11.55

_Shit!_

Loki had asked you to see him, like an hour ago - you scrambled off the bed.

_Why hadn't he called?_

You grabbed your notebook and rushed out of your room.

The door to his room opened pretty much as soon as you knocked, a stone-faced Loki glaring at you.

“It's about time.”

“God, I am so sorry. I fell asleep. Why didn't you call me?”

“I am not in the mood for pathetic excuses. Let's just get through the schedule.”

He rubbed his forehead and paced the room. You placed your notebook on the table and took a good look at him.

“Do you still have that headache?”

“And why would you care?”

_Uh. That was a bit harsh._

“Because I care if someone is in pain?”

“Do you now?"

"I'll get you another aspirin.”

“I have had six already, any more and I will die from haemophilia." He kept pacing slowly. "Really there is no need to pretend you care. I am a grown man, not a child.”

“You're behaving like one though.”

He exhaled sharply and halted.

“If you came to test my patience, I must warn you. There is none left in me tonight."

You shrugged.

"Not that you ever had much to start with.”

His eyes snapped up to you.

“Are you bent on irritating me, girl?”

 _Girl. He hadn't used_ that _in a long time. Ok, his sense of humour had definitely become stunted._

You had not experienced Loki irritated or angry towards you without at least a _hint_ of sass. 

"Let's just go over the schedule and then you can have a good nights sleep." You offered. 

He grunted. Then he held out his hand.

"Give me the memory stick, I will add some updated information on a client, who I just found out is in Europe right now, so we are bound to run into him. You should know who you are dealing with."

_The stick._

_Damn._  

You closed your eyes and mentally slapped your hand against your forehead.

"I did not bring it."

Loki glared at you. 

"You did not think of bringing it?"

You had accidentally spilled your tea all over your bag and emptied its contents onto the counter to dry them. You must have forgotten to put the stick back. Oh, god.

"I - oh, god, it's on Thor's kitchen counter."

There was a moment of tense silence, and you realised far too late that it been the _wrong_ thing to say. Fire flared up in Loki's eyes before they went as cold as his voice.

“Maybe, if you wouldn't have been so busy _finding_ _solace_ in my brother's arms, you may have _thought_ of bringing the confidential information on clients _with_ you instead of leaving it on his damn kitchen counter."

"It's not ... that's not fair... it was an accident... leave Thor out of this, ok?"

"Oh, how endearing. Defending my brother so bravely."

You kept your voice calm and tried to ignore the pain and anger that his words stirred up. 

Just stay calm. 

"If you are jealous, then why don't you just admit it? Let it out. Get it over and done with, so that we can get back to work? I will buy a new stick tomorrow and download the files from your laptop."

"Jealous?" Loki closed the distance between you, towering over you with dangerously glinting eyes. "What reason would I have to be jealous over a woman who is desperate enough to start a dalliance with my brother?”

“At least I am not _desperate enough_ to fuck my secretary.”

The words tumbled from your lips before you could help yourself.

“What?”

Loki's eyes widened and his lips parted in shock.

"Your secretary, Sara? Or have you already forgotten about her?"

_Stop. You're making this worse. So much worse._

The look of shock on Loki's face transformed into a mask of callousness.

“I don't think that I am accountable to you for who I _fuck_ , as you so eloquently put it."

"No. You're not. I just expected you to have more class."

The corner's of his mouth turned up into a sneer.

"Let me guess. _You_ would be the woman with more class, wouldn't you? You truly are desperate, aren't you? Why only fuck one brother, if you can do bo--”

There was a loud smack when your hand collided with his cheek.

Followed by a long moment of silence.

When Loki's eyes slowly searched yours, they were filled with regret.

“I guess, I deserved that.”

He stated calmly.

“No. You deserve _much_ _worse_ than that.”

You felt sick.

You were uncertain which emotion was the most prominent in this moment - the anger, the hurt, the humiliation, the disappointment - but you were very aware of the tears filling your eyes and you were not going to give him the satisfaction to see them fall, so you quickly turned and rushed towards the door.

But Loki was right on your heels, slamming his flat hand against the door to push it shut when you tried to open it, trapping you between him and the closed door. You still had your hand on the door handle.

“Let me go.” You whispered, your voice thick with tears.

“I can't.” Loki's voice was mellow. 

“You are such a --”

“I am sorry. That was totally out of place and I am sorry. I am _very_ sorry.”

You did not want to turn around and look at him, so you leaned your forehead against the door, biting your lip. Silent tears rolling down your cheeks.

Nothing happened for a while, but, when you felt his hand tentatively touching your shoulder to turn you around to face him, you did not resist. Your own hands came up against his chest in an attempt to push him away, but you did not struggle, when Loki wrapped his arms around you.

You did not move.

Just stood there, silently crying against his chest. The awareness that you were probably ruining his shirt giving you only minor satisfaction.

“I am sorry.” He whispered again and gently tucked your head under his chin.

The dam broke and you allowed all the frustration, the anger and the hurt to break forth from the depths of your being. Your fingers tightened in the fabric of Loki's shirt, as you sobbed desperately into the very man's chest who tormented you.

"Shh. It's ok." He whispered against your hair. "I am so sorry."

“I hate you. I hate you so much, Loki.”

You felt him stiffen, then he wrapped you tighter in his embrace and his hands rubbed carefully up and down your back.

“I know. Believe me, I know.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .... what can I say? ... yikes, Loki....


	11. Friend request pending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First of all:  
> THANK YOU for all the feedback, support, encouragement, Kudos and lovely comments!!  
> I honestly feel quite humbled.  
> Especially, because I was a little unsure about the last chapter being too emotionally loaded. I love drama and humour and it's kinda tricky to find the right balance.  
> So, thank you! Hope I can keep it up. :)
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy the ride!

_I can tell by your eyes that you've probably been cryin' forever_  
_And the stars in the sky don't mean nothin' to you, they're a mirror_  
_I don't want to talk about it, how you broke my heart_  
_If I stay here just a little bit longer_  
_If I stay here, won't you listen to my heart?_

_~Rod Stewart, I don't want to talk about it_

 

You were not sure how long you stood there.

It could have been anything from five minutes to half an hour.

You did not let go of his shirt. Kept your face buried in his chest. Focused on his hands gently rubbing your back.

When your sobbing lightened to short sniffles he loosened his hold on you. You did not want to move. Just wanted to stay in this place, in his arms, that gave you unexpected safety and comfort. As you finally pulled yourself away from him and his arms slowly let you go. You did not want to look at him.

Loki gently wiped the tears off your cheeks with his thumbs, the gentleness in his touch stood in stark contrast to the spite and anger you had experienced moments before. You allowed him to lead you over to a comfortable lounge chair. You sat down, while Loki disappeared into the bathroom and came back with a box of tissues and a wet hand towel, which he offered to you to wipe your face. You did so without a word. The towel was warm, it felt good.

Loki waited until you were finished, before he took the towel off your hands, handed you the box of tissues and settled on the edge of the bed a few feet away.

You blew your nose, slowly coming out of your stupa and becoming aware of how terrible you probably looked with your swollen eyes and smudged make up. It was surprising how little you cared. Still, you could not look at him. 

You did not like it when things escalated like this, and you could not believe that Loki actually thought you had slept with Thor. 

_Thor had really stirred up a hornet's nest._

It was strange how, after an emotional outburst, everything that had been so highly dramatic seemed to fade into relative insignificance.

You were not even sure if you wanted to talk about it all, so you just sat there, staring at your feet. 

Finally Loki broke the silence.

“How - how do you know about Sara?”

You managed to bring your eyes up to meet his. They were clear and his features soft.

“I walked in on you.” You said softly. 

“ _Shit_.”

Loki rubbed his hands over his face. Then he placed his elbows on his knees and cradled his head in his hands, looking rather defeated.

“Did you – did you come back up to the office to get your keys that night?”

"Yes." Was all you said. The fact that he felt bad about it, surprised you, and it also made you feel sorry for reacting in such an emotional way about it.

“I am sorry." Loki said, head still in his hands. "I am ... I walked you to the door ... I thought you had left.”

When you did not say anything, Loki rose his head to look at you. There was regret in his eyes, and something else, which you could not quite decipher. 

“It is not - a _regular_ thing. Well, it shouldn't be a thing at all. I usually keep business and pleasure separate … but Sara, unfortunately, knows my weak points ... I should have never allowed this to start in the first place." He sighed, closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "That day had been hard - and with you around ... around the office all day in that ...” He broke off. Then he took a deep breath but when Loki opened his mouth to say something else, you cut him off.

You did not actually want to hear this.

“There is no need to explain, Loki.”

_And what was it with this man? Had he really just said that it had been hard being around you all day? Was that his excuse?_

“Y/N, please, allow me to--”

“Please don't. You were right, you are _not_ accountable to me.”

It was incredible how calm you felt saying this. It was as if all the stuck up emotions had dissolved, and you could finally see things clearly. You knew what you needed to do. You knew what you wanted.

Loki searched your eyes.

“I am not proud of this and I would like to explain --”

But you shook your head.

“Loki, _please_. Stop. Don't make this any worse.”

His lips tightened into a thin line while his eyes seemed to flicker through a myriad of emotions, until he finally cast them down and nodded.

“If you wish so.”

_That had been - surprisingly easy._

You reached for another tissue and blew your nose again. 

“And for the record – I never slept with Thor. We don't even have a dalliance.”

Your words seemed to process rather slowly for the usually swift thinking dark god, because it took a while for his gaze to lift and study your face.

"What are you saying?"

"I said that Thor and I - well, I said that there is no _Thor and I_."

Loki muttered something in a foreign language that sounded like a curse.

You sighed.

_Jesus, Thor, you really complicated things._

“I apologise for snapping at you. I put two and two together and rather rashly concluded that you wouldn't have been at home when I delivered the keys to your house that morning. I thought you spent the night at his place."

"I did stay at Thor's that night. On the couch. _Alone_."

Loki dropped his head back into his hands. 

It was odd to see him like this. Looking so utterly defeated. No pride. No haughtiness. No sass. 

Maybe the two of you had needed this. You had needed it to see that your dark devil had feelings after all. And a conscience, as it seemed. Even though it did not change the fact that he had no feelings for you, it made it easier to talk to him.

“Thor and I are good friends, nothing more. When I picked up the keys from his house that night, I - well, after what I'd seen you and--" You could not quite bring yourself to say it. "I was kinda shell-shocked. I was hurt. And Thor lent me a shoulder to cry on. He probably thought you'd been pushing me too hard at work. I guess he thought that making you believe we were _involved_ would make you treat me with more care, but, really, I don't know  _what_ he was thinking.”

Loki shook his head and muttered something that sounded like “complete imbecile”.

"You did not tell him about Sara?" His tone was careful.

"What should I have told him? Should I have told him that I am crying my eyes out, because it hurt seeing his little brother boning his secretary?"

Loki grimaced at your words. You looked away feeling your cheeks flush. Sometimes your tongue was so much quicker than your mind. Since you were already being open about your crush on him, you might as well be honest. 

“Well, I think I am kind of over it now, so that, at least, is a good thing, I guess ..."

It was true, after the emotional outburst you felt better about the Sara situation. Or maybe your feelings for Loki. He had lost some of his power over you, and you were better able to distance yourself from him.  

"... However, I am sorry I played along with Thor and made you jealous. I never meant to hurt you, Loki.”

Loki's blue eyes snapped up to meet yours - wide with disbelief and his lips parted in surprise.

“ _You_ are sorry for hurting  _me_?” He sniggered softly and shook his head. “You are the most peculiar woman that has ever crossed my path.” There was no arrogance in his voice, incredulity rather. He ran his fingers through his hair. "You, of all people, should not have the need to feel sorry."

You tugged at the tissue in your hand.

“It's not like me, you know, I don't hurt others for fun."

You could not believe how open you were with him. How easy it was to talk to him. Of course, there was a possibility that Loki would use it all against you next time he needed to release some spite. You decided to give him the benefit of doubt. You were done hiding.

"Anyway, you should know that I won't come between Thor and you.”

Loki's forehead wrinkled into a frown.

“What do you mean you won't come between us?”

“I can tell that you're close with your family and I have no intention of stealing Thor away. I should have left and given you two some family time yesterday, maybe all of this wouldn't have happened if I had. You wouldn't have been jealous of me hanging out with Thor.”

His brows knitted together.

“But I was not--”

“I am sorry, ok?”

“Is that really what you think? That I am jealous of you spending time with Thor?”

Now it was your turn to frown at him.

“I mean, what _other_ reason would you have?”

Loki rose and came over to you, he hesitantly reached out with one hand and cupped your face, his thumb gingerly stroking your cheek.

_What the hell was he doing?_

You blushed a little, but did not pull away.

“You got it all wrong - and I have been a complete idiot.”

His voice was barely a whisper. 

“Can I have that in writing?”

You tried to make light of the situation, his reaction confused you.

When Loki chuckled softly at your words, you closed your eyes, took a deep breath and mustered the courage to tell him everything that weighed on your heart.

“You were right, Loki, I had a crush on you and the thing with Sara, it _hurt_. Because I romanitcised you. As you said, I live in a world were people date and fall in love, but I like this world, and you can make fun of me for being naive if you like. Your world is different – very different - I understand that now. I also understand that you don't fit into my world. And you never will.”

You felt his hand drop from your face as you spoke and you opened your eyes to look up at him. He swallowed, but did not say anything, so you continued.

“I know, I made a complete fool of myself. I've been silly and romantic, and emotional, but there will be no more of that, because I can see clearly now. I know what I want now.”

Loki's eyes flicked between yours, as if searching for something. 

“And ... what is it, that you _want_?”

“I've worked very hard over the past week. I know you trust me when it comes to work, and as much as I hat to admit it, I enjoy working with you despite of you being an arrogant asshole a lot of the time. I want to focus on work, and stop acting like a jealous teenager.”

Loki regarded you with a long glance, if you had not known better you would have said there was a shadow of sadness in his eyes.

“If this is what you want?”

“To be honest, I'm sick of having a crush on you, and I would be grateful if you would stop teasing me about my feelings for you. I do want to be your PA for the next weeks, maybe we could even be friends after tonight? But we don't have to be. I know you're not the friend-type.”

His face hardened. 

_Had you said something wrong? Shouldn't he be kinda happy about all this?_

"We really don't have to be friends, so don't worry. I can handle you being an ass."

You quickly threw in, but it only seemed to irritate him.

" _Y/N! Stop._ "

You flinched a little, because his voice was louder than you expected. You watched his jaw twitch. His lips parted as if to say something as he glared at you, but then he changed his mind and ran his fingers through his hair. Finally he turned away and sat back down on the edge of the bed.

_Good god, what was his problem now? Why did he have to be so damn confusing?_

Loki closed his eyes, took a deep breath and straightened. 

"Business partners. Maybe friends. Nothing more."

"Yes." You nodded.

When his eyes opened, he wore the usual unreadable mask and you wondered what had provoked the sudden change. 

"You better get some sleep then, we have a busy day ahead of us tomorrow and it's almost 1pm. We can discuss things at breakfast."

You nodded and rose from your chair.

"Good night, Loki."

"Good night, Y/N."

You placed the packet of tissues next to him on the bed.

"Thank you."

The door closed softly behind you as you left his room.

 

What you did _not_ see was that Loki let himself drop back on the bed, and, as he lay there, staring up at the ceiling, a single tear slipped down the side of his face.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... hm...  
> Now that didn't quite work out to Loki's advantage.  
> Guess, the "let's just be friends" line is even hard to deal with for the master of dark mischief.
> 
> ... especially when there is a smart-ass rival on the horizon of the next chapter...
> 
> THANK you for comments and Kudos!! and for the sincere feedback!! I have the story outlined, but more often than not the comments influence the upcoming chapters in one way or the other (even those comments without hints or suggestions in them). So this story is really a team-effort. Thanks for that.
> 
> PS: Just like "Midnight in Paris", "Friend request pending" is the title of a movie (well, in this case a short film) that features Tom Hiddleston.


	12. Stark encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First of all - thanks again for the lovely comments!!  
> Secondly - It's quite late and I don't have time to do a final proof, so I hope whatever goes live is readable... and you will enjoy it.
> 
> Also, I took the liberty to make the reader vegetarian, because it highlights that Loki actually makes an effort to please her ... But, hey, if that's a problem, just imagine your favourite dish instead of the vegetarian version - be it a succulent steak or tender chicken breast. :)  
> I am trying to keep her fairly neutral otherwise.

 

 _I'm a shooting star, leaping through the sky_  
_Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity_  
_I'm a racing car, passing by like Lady Godiva_  
_I'm gonna go, go, go_  
_There's no stopping me_

 _I'm burnin' through the sky, yeah_  
_Two hundred degrees_  
_That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit_  
_I'm traveling at the speed of light_  
_I wanna make a supersonic woman of you_

_~Queen, don't stop me now_

 

You lay in bed for a while before you went to sleep. 

Now that everything was out, you felt oddly empty. 

You could not believe you had admitted your feelings to Loki. And you were proud of yourself that you had made a decision – or rather affirmed your decision by saying it out loud. Telling him to his face had helped. Maybe he would even take it to heart not to tease you about your feelings anymore. That may actually make it easier.

And you were relieved that the whole misunderstanding about Thor had been clarified.

You just wished you knew what was going on in Loki's mind – or rather what he felt. You had thought him to be someone ruthless with a completely controlled demeanour, but now you realised that he merely withdrew to brood over his feelings when he was conflicted. Well, if something really bothered him.

But it was so hard to tell how he felt about things. How he felt about you. One moment he was soft and caring, the next he withdrew and became cold and unreadable.

Without giving you a clue of what you had said or done to provoke this behaviour.

It was as if underneath the calm surface simmered a seething volcano, that was ready to explode any given moment if not handled properly.

To be honest, he was just too much too handle.

Maybe you shouldn't have said that you could be friends. Maybe that was what had bothered him? Even though it was what you secretly hoped for. To be close to him in some way.

You sighed. Girl, you are pathetic.

He was really ruining your life with his confusing behaviour.

He claimed he did not want you, and yet he dried your tears as though he cared with all his heart.

He cuddled dogs on the beach. He loved your artwork – although he would never admit it.

He also boned his harpy-secretary in the coffee kitchen.

_Ouch._

Ok, stop thinking about him. 

Stop romanticising him.

But - _were you?_

He had been a perfect, caring gentleman, albeit _after_ you slapped him.

He had comforted you even though he was mad about you sleeping with his brother, well, thinking you had. He even tried to apologise for what happened with Sara.

Although you really had not wanted to hear it.

You had not wanted him to say things that would hurt you any more.

Frankly, you weren't sure what to do with him. You weren't even sure of what you wanted of him. 

His arms had felt so _perfectly_ _safe_.

You groaned in frustration.

Business partners. Maybe friends.

It was fine. You could do that.

You could do that.

***

You joined Loki for breakfast in his room, he seemed to be pretty much back to his usual controlled self, albeit more reserved and weirdly attentive. The reception at Cartier went smoothly. You spent most of your time on Loki's arm, being introduced to people and making small talk – which turned out to be very “small” talk indeed, as French people were not necessarily open to speaking English. You had heard about it. The national pride.

The moment fluent French had poured out of Loki's mouth, you had to force yourself not to gape. You had never considered the fact that Loki spoke other languages. Even though you had heard him curse in a foreign language twice now. Thor mentioned that their father was from Norway, so maybe they had grown up bi-lingual? You made a mental note to ask him about it.

You admired those who spoke different languages fluently. It brought one closer to a country and its people. It seemed as though each language carried distinct qualities. You even noticed it in Loki, watching with fascination as his demeanour changed as soon as he opened his mouth to speak French. He walked straighter than usual, carried himself with a sensual air of royalty and importance – you could not put it any other way. He was overly sexy in his arrogance and his charm made him the natural entertainer. Now you understood what he had meant that day when you had asked him about his role. Loki was like a chameleon, mingling amongst people with elegant ease, entirely comfortably in this society, while he always kept a perfect balance of undeniable charm and an impenetrable aura of aloofness.

After the reception, Loki took you for lunch in a small street cafe. He pulled out your chair for you to sit down and you enjoyed the warm summer breeze hitting your skin and the smell of baked and grilled food that filled the air.

“Do you need me to translate the menu for you?”

You looked over at him with narrowed eyes. He had been like this all morning. Polite. Attentive. A perfect gentleman. Opening doors for you, pulling out chairs, offering his arm, asking if you needed anything.

And quite frankly, you were not sure if you liked this new version of Loki.

But then, you did not like the old version either, did you?

You mentally rolled your eyes at yourself.

_Don't blame Loki for being the confusing one. He's too much of an ass for you when he's sassy and he's too boring when he's not. Maybe you should decide what you want._

“I'll have a cafe au lait, you can order the food for me, if you like.”

“There are only three vegetarian options on the menu, anyway. Are you sure you don't want me to tell you what they are?”

“I am sure. I trust you.”

As soon as the words left your mouth, you realised two things.

Firstly, that you had not given any thought to the fact that, whenever Loki ordered food for you – be it takeaways at the office or meals at the hotels and restaurants - it was always exactly what you liked and how you liked it. One time he picked the red peppers off your vegetables before you even had time to complain about it. The bemusing thing was that you had never told him how much you hated cooked peppers.

Now that you thought about it, the food on the plane had consisted of all your favourite things – right down to salted caramel ice cream that you discovered in the freezer. You had never told Loki any of this directly, and yet, he had catered the perfect food for you.

The second thing you realised was, that you meant what you said. You trusted him. As odd and unbelieveable as it was.

You watched him speaking to the waitress, flashing her a polite smile, that exposed his perfect pearl teeth for a moment. A moment that was long enough to make the girl waver, and you noticed her side-eyeing you before she started flirting with him rather shamelessly.

To your astonishment, Loki – did not respond. She ended up walking away somewhat disappointed, while you kept staring at your dark god, who normally did not miss an opportunity to flirt with a pretty girl.

Loki pulled out his notebook to scribble down some notes. You could not help but notice how adorable he looked with the sunglass tucked up in his hair.

Your eyes followed the movement of his hand. Loki's handwriting was one of the neatest you'd ever seen. Elegant and actually _readable_. 

And Loki had those elegant hands, with slender fingers, that should belong to an artist or a musician rather than a lawyer.

_Good god. You were doing it again._

_Loosing yourself in him._

Your thoughts were interrupted by a waiter who placed the coffee, a baguette with grilled cheese, roasted tomato and sautéed spinach and a side of Sauce Hollandaise in front of you. You offered a shy "Merci, monsieur" and hummed while Loki watched you silently.

You took a large bite from the crisp sandwich and had not quite swallowed it all when you spoke.

"That was an astounding performance by the way - at Cartier I mean."

Loki offered you a lopsided grin.

“I believe we urgently need to work on your table manners before the dinner tonight. The way you are eating this baguette is not very lady-like, neither is speaking with your mouth full.”

You shrugged.

“There's nobody around except for you.”

“Luckily I am a skilled lip reader.”

It made you chuckle. And in that moment you had another realisation.

"Loki."

"Hm?"

"I never thought I'd say that, but I want that possessive, sassy ass back, who's my boss. I am finding it hard to deal with - _this_."

Loki raised his eyebrows

_“This?”_

“This new version of yourself – being all polite and gentlemanly.”

"Are you sure?"

"See what I mean? You are actually asking me nicely!”

"You are a peculiar woman."

"You're repeating yourself."

“Very hard to please, aren't you?”

“I guess so.”

Loki leaned back and there was a glint in his eyes that made your heart flutter. 

"Business partners?" His gaze rested on you, intently studying your features.

You nodded.

“What about friends?”

You stopped chewing.

“I'd like that – I think?” You offered.

Oh, yes, there was a glint in his eyes and the corners of his mouth tugged up into a smug smile.

"I guess, I can work with that."

Then he looked at his watch and called the waiter for the bill, before he turned back to you.

"You're planning on visiting the Louvre while I am in the meeting?"

"Yes. My only chance to see the Mona Lisa."

“Take a taxi – and this.” Loki said as he put a credit card and a few hundred Euros in your hand. "The code is 666 ... just kidding. It's 1831."

You shook your head.

“Don't worry, I will ask Hela to take everything off your salary. Does that soothe your conscience, Miss Sincerity?”

You just nodded.

His eyes studied you for a moment, then he cleared his throat and rose to his feet.

"A bientôt, mon petit chaton."

_Whatever that meant!_

You narrowed your eyes at him – just in case.

"All the best with the meeting, Loki."

 

***

The Mona Lisa had been intriguing. Although the painting was disappointingly small and kept behind a thick wall of bullet proof glass. It was hard to get a proper look at it, as masses of people shuffled in and out of the room. And, a little overwhelmed, you soon escaped to emptier halls of the museum.  

Right now you were standing in front of “Liberty leading the people”, taking in the dramatic and powerful painting.

_Cruel and yet liberating._

_Why did freedom so often come with great pain?_

With all the stuck up emotions released you felt so much better now. Much freer. But it had been so painful to get there.

“Intriguing how the price for freedom is so often paid in blood, isn't it?”

You turned to the man with the American accent, who had appeared beside you without you noticing. His gaze was fixed on the painting in front of you. 

“I would call it sad, rather than intriguing.” 

“We should never stop fighting for the right thing.”

“Wouldn't it be better, if we _stopped_ fighting? Isn't fighting exactly what keeps us trapped in the belief we have to fight?”

He turned to you and smiled.

“A philosopher or a peace activist?”

You shook your head.

“An artist and a dreamer.”

He laughed softly.

"A lot of people would call you naive.”

His words made you take a closer look at him. He was not as tall as Loki. He had short, untamed dark hair and a well trimmed goatee, wore tinted glasses and an expensive looking black suit – albeit with a black t-shirt underneath the jacket instead of a dress shirt.

“Do you always make compliments sound like insults?”

He smiled and you noticed that liked the way the skin crinkled around his eyes. He had a nice smile.

“Only testing if the beautiful woman I'm trying to invite out for a coffee has wits as well as looks.”

“Oh.” you smirked. Another smart-ass. “I guess, you won't invite _me_ for a coffee then.”

He quirked an eyebrow and you grinned.

“Well, no woman with wits would fall for that kind of pick-up line.”

You started walking to the next painting and he followed along. He was quirky, you liked that. Plus it was balm to your soul to get some positive male attention for a change, to feel that somebody was actually interested in you.

 _Pathetic_.

Did you really _need_ this kind of attention?

Apparently you did, you decided.

“I guess I'll have to try a different approach then.”

“Surprise me. Why don't you start with telling me something interesting about you?”

“Well, I am kind of an evil scientist, except I am not evil.”

“Hm. That sounds – _intriguing_. What kind of science?”

“The science of "Liberty leads the people".

“Revolutionary?" 

“Not just a pretty face, are you?"

You rolled your eyes at him.

"Artificial intelligence, robots and defence systems for peace keeping.”

“Oh, my god. _"Defence systems for peace keeping"_ sounds like a way of paraphrasing " _weapons_ ". Wait - you develop _weapons_?”

“A matter of semantics. Have I just completely blown my chance of a coffee with you now?”

You stared at him.

What was wrong with you that the _one_ man who started flirting with you was into weapons and artificial intelligence?

_For crying out loud, could you not attract someone who was just plain normal?_

“Do you work for the government?”

“Darling, I wouldn't be telling you any of this if I was. Apart form that, following is not really my style. I'm afraid I cause the government as much trouble as I save them from."

"That I like. That you cause them problems. And I like the way your skin crinkles around your eyes when you smile." You made a gesture with your hands, and then blushed a little.

_There we go again. That tongue of yours ..._

“You're a peculiar woman, Lady Liberty.”

“So I've been told." The two of you kept walking. "I'm not a fan of weapons. I prefer creating to destroying.”

“You're an artist, Frida. But, so am I. I just create in other ways."

This guy was really into nicknames - and he called _you_ peculiar! 

"Is it your first time in Paris?"

"Yes."

"As an artist, you would have been to Montmatre? The district of the grandmasters?”

“As a matter of fact, I haven't, but I'd love to go. The place where the great artists had their studios and used to meet and discuss their views of the world with each other – Monet, Renoir, Lautrec – but I'm here on business, so I only have a few spare hours tomorrow.”

“ _Art_ business?”

“Oh, I wish. No, I am here with my boss. I'm his PA.”

“Your boss is keeping you on a tight leash, huh?”

You laughed.

“You have no idea. Well, surprisingly, he's actually trying to get me to go and see things, while he whiles away in boring meetings.”

"He's either old, blind or an intellectual cretin, if he lets you roam a city like Paris by yourself. I would handcuff a girl like you to one of my wrists, if I was your boss."

You laughed softly and shook your head. He was like a slap stick version of Loki. 

"Don't give him any ideas. Do you think three hours will be enough time to go to Montmatre?"

"Absolutely. That is - if you have the right kinda guide, of course."

You quirked an eyebrow.

"Let me guess ..."

He gave a bow.

"I aim at your serveeze." He faked a French accent, and it was kind of adorable. "No kidding, I happen to know my way around and am actually here for leisure for a change, which means no business meetings and a flexible schedule."

"Tempting, but to be honest with you, I am not looking for a dalliance, so it would only be misleading if I took up your offer."

"Why don't you let me buy you a coffee down the road in a little cafe I like, and you decide after that?"

You regarded him. Warm, dark hazel eyes. 

"Well, I've seen Mona and Miss Liberty, and I still have half an hour before I need to head back. So, why not?"

"Exactly. Why not? Incidentally that is how you spell my name - backwards."

"What?"

He grinned. 

"Tony."

 _Oh_.

"Y/N."

You held out your hand and he took it and brought it to his lips.

"My pleasure."

_Crikey. They were similar in too many ways. Your dark god and the evil scientist._

What a unique collection of men you gathered around you. Thor seemed to be the only normal option in your life and you weren't attracted to him. 

“Where are you from, Tony?”

“New York.”

“You're kidding. Me too.”

“Where abouts in New York?”

“Rockaway beach, and you?”

"Manhattan."

"What part of Manhattan?"

"Downtown."

“Artificial intelligence and robots - so, you're like another Bill Gates?”

“More like a rocket designer.”

“I meant, you're rich?”

“ _Wealthy_ \- and proud of it.”

He smirked and winked.

_This was getting uncanny. Did you have a sign pinned to your back that said I attract rich, smart-ass guys who like to flirt?_

By the time you sat down in the cafe, you only had time for a quick coffee, but you had already decided you liked Tony and judging by the look in his eyes and the smile that tugged on the corners of his mouth, he _knew_.

***

The dinner at the Cristal Room Baccarat was otherworldly. The place was as fancy as it could get and it basically took you half of the evening to get used to the fact that people were used to dining on chairs that were covered in velvet, in rooms that had fine, silk tapestry and mirrors on the walls that reflected the crystal chandeliers, and from plates that were made of fine bone china while the silver ware on the tables was actual, real silver. 

Loki of course, was completely at ease with all this.

There were fourteen courses, with matching wine to almost every single one, and dinner took from 6:30 to 12:30 - which took fine dining to a whole new level. You were sorry to miss the dancing that begin as soon as the last cheese plate was served. The French knew how to enjoy life. Loki and you were one of the first guests to leave.

By the time you came back to the hotel, it was after 1am. Loki ushered you into his room to give you a few details concerning tomorrow, promising he would not keep you up for too long, when the two of you settled on the chairs by the table. You declined when Loki offered you a glass of wine, and started going over the schedule. 

Your phone dinged.

_Tony: How about I pick you up at your hotel, once you dropped your boss at the babysitter? Then I'll treat you to lunch in a small bistro in Montmatre and give you a quick tour?_

_You: Sounds like a plan._

_Tony: Time?_

_You: 12ish? At the Marriott Champs Elysees._

_Tony: Oh, the lady is a big shot. I should have known, Frida._

You smiled. Frida Carlo seemed to quickly become his favourite nickname for you. 

_You: The perks of having a wealthy boss._

"Did you pay attention to _anything_ I said?"

_Oops._

You blushed, quickly putting the phone down. Loki's eyes narrowed as they wandered from you to your phone and a frown crept onto his face.

"Who are you texting anyway? At this time of night?"

"That is honestly none of your business, Loki."

He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. 

_Uh-oh, wrong answer._

"Since you are using the company's phone, I think it is. It's a confidential number."

_Damn him._

You scowled.

"It's none of your business."

"Don't try my patience, kitten."

"Don't call me that!"

"Then tell me who it is."

You pouted.

"I am waiting - _kitten._ "

He tapped his finger against his arm and you pressed your lips together. 

"Ok, it's this guy I met at the Louvre. He's going to show me Montmatre tomorrow, while you're in the meetings."

You sat back, crossing your arms while Loki released his and leaned forward. 

"You gave a random man your phone number  _and_ are meeting him tomorrow for a sight-seeing tour?"

"Well, that's kind of how you meet people in the normal world. You said yourself that I should go out and enjoy myself!"

"I meant _go out by yourself_. Not enjoy yourself with some kind of obscure stranger. You are _not_ going to meet with a stranger in a city you do not know."

"God, you sound like my dad, Loki. I am not twelve!"

"What's his name? I'll have him checked."

"Loki!"

"What's the problem with that?"

"Do you need to be so _possessive_?"

He took a sip from his wine.

"Oh, you have not even began to experience how possessive I can be, _kitten_. I should have collared you after all."

"This kitten is going to scratch your pretty face if you don't watch yourself, mister."

He smirked, taking another sip from his wine.

"Is this a _promise_?"

You rolled your eyes, and he laughed softly.

"You have brought this upon yourself. You could have had me the nice way, but a perfect gentleman is evidently too boring for the lady."

"Ok, ok, stop. You're right, I asked for this. But you're _not_ going to check on him. He's a tourist and we bumped into each other at the museum so he offered me to show me around for a couple of hours tomorrow. That's _all_."

"We will see about that."

"Loki!"

He chuckled.

"Have you looked at the files I gave you?"

"Not yet. I was going to do it after dinner."

You groaned. it was quite late now.

"Fine, since you haven't done your homework, you'll get detention now."

"Now? Loki it's late!"

"Stop complaining. We could run into him tomorrow afternoon and I want you to know his face at least."

Loki opened his laptop and brought up the file before he turned the computer, so you could see the screen.

_Oh. My. God._

There he was. All with tinted glasses and neatly trimmed goatee. Mr _Why-not_.

You had actually met one of Loki's clients.

Not only that. You had flirted with him and were going out for lunch with him tomorrow.

_Holy Cow. God have mercy on your soul._

Loki was going to _kill_ you.

No, probably  _worse_. If that was possible. 

You rubbed your forehead and tried your best to appear calm.

“Stark's one of the clients I want you to be cautious around. He's a highly intelligent egomaniac with a superiority complex and he's a playboy." 

_Sounded frighteningly similar to someone else you knew._

"I want you to stay away from him."

_Oops. Ok, you were deep up shit creek without a paddle._

_And the devil was hot on your heels._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "A bientôt, mon petit chaton." - See you soon, my little kitten. 😎
> 
> A lot of the Tony quotes are either Tony's quotes, or inspired by them.  
> and "don't stop me now" is very much a Stark song, I believe :)


	13. The Devil wears Valentino

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it took so long. It is a very long chapter though :) and fun

_Every time I look into your lovely eyes,_  
_I see a love that money just can't buy_  
_One look from you, I drift away_  
_I pray that you are here to stay_

_Every time I hold you I begin to understand_  
_Everything about you tells me I'm your man_

_~Roy Orbison, you got it_

“You are not going to wear this dress, are you?”

Loki sounded sincerely shocked, which took you by surprise as you had thought he was rather fond of the dress you had chosen to wear.

“Why? What's wrong with it?”

“We're in Paris, you can't wear something - something plain like that.”

“I like plain.”

“You can wear this for a family gathering, but you can't wear it to go out on the street.”

“I thought you liked it.”

“I – don't. It's a hideous thing. Old-fashioned.”

_What the hell, Loki?_

“It's not hideous. I love this dress.”

“It emphasises all the wrong things – not in a flattering way.”

You instincitively turned around and looked at yourself in the mirror. It did _not_.

It was rather elegant with the double-layered flared lace skirt and layered organza top with a very low but still modest V neckline. Lace and silk wrapped around your middle like a sash. You liked it because it looked modest and sexy at the same time.

“No, really, kitten. Look at it.”

“I am looking. It's a nice dress. I feel comfortable in it.”

“Maybe that's what it is. It makes you look so - ordinary.”

_Ouch, Loki._

“You're an ass.”

“Well, if you want to deter that new _friend_ of yours, go ahead, wear it. He's not going to have any interest in you if you look like this. But I guess, at least, I do not have to concern myself about your safety then.”

“My _safety_? I am going out for coffee in a city full of people. During daytime. Why are you being such a pain?”

“Well, go on then, wear it.”

He turned back to the newspaper he was reading, ignoring you.

_Maybe you should go and change?_

You huffed.

_No!_

You sat down at the table and started eating your eggs Florentine.

You hated that Loki could do this to you. Made you feel insecure so easily.

"Are you still planning on taking me shopping this morning?"

"If you prefer to wear garments like this, I will without doubt."

"And you're going to have lunch with one of your clients right? At 11.30?"

"That was the plan." He was still reading the paper, while you chewed on your eggs.

_Ok, so you wouldn't need to postpone Tony._

_It would be entirely safe if he came to pick you up at noon._

"Shall I meet you directly at Laduree? Or do I need to come back to the hotel before that?"

Loki folded over a corner of the paper to look at you with narrowed eyes.

"If you insist on wearing this dress, you will have to come back here to change. I will not take you out to Laduree like this."

You rolled your eyes.

"I am keeping this dress on."

"Hm." Loki grumbled and disappeared behind the paper again.

Then he suddenly leaned forward and reached for his phone, knocking over your glass of orange juice, which spilled very nicely over your chest and into your lap leaving a large stain of yellow on the light fabric.

You squealed.

Loki looked shocked.

“Oh, I am so sorry, kitten.”

_Well, that didn't exactly sound sincere._

He offered you his napkin, retrieved his phone and started flicking through his emails.

“You did that on purpose, didn't you?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I can't believe you, Loki!”

He shrugged.

“It was an accident.”

But his eyes didn't meet yours.

_Devious, devious man._

What was his problem with this dress all of a sudden?

You huffed and pushed your chair back forcefully as you stood and glared at him. Since Loki decided to ignore you, you left without a word to go to your room and change into something else. You really liked the dress and hoped the juice had not ruined it.

The devil looked utterly pleased when you returned to his room in a different outfit and sat down next to him to finish your breakfast.

"If you want to look over Anna Turini's file before this afternoon, I got it here."

You said coolly and handed it to him. He flicked through it.

"I haven't had much contact with her. She's a fairly new client, so I might freshen up my knowledge a little."

"She's a free lance fashion editor, stylist and creative consultant. Just closed a contract with Dior and is celebrating her 28th birthday, therefore the tea party at Laduree. There will be around 30 guests. No other clients, but probably people you'd know from socialising."

"Hm. Her sister used our services before, so she will be there too."

"Why do you think Mr Stark would be there?"

Loki looked up at you and frowned. Something really seemed to bother him about Tony.

"He's on holiday in Europe at the moment. Anna's sister was one of his liaisons and they are still close. Tony usually shows up at these events."

_What was it with wealthy guys and their liaisons?_

"Why do you ask?"

"Just - wondering."

 

***

 

“Can you not sit still for one minute? Must you be so fidgety?”

“Fidgety? Why would I be fidgety?”

_Yes, why?_

Precisely, because Tony Stark was about to walk into the very same lobby, where Loki and you were lounging on one of the couches right now.

It was 11.53am. Loki's client was late for the meeting.

You had texted Tony that you were still busy, but he had not replied.

You should have really blown off the whole thing as soon as you found out he was one of Loki's clients. Told him that something had come up and you would not be able to meet him. You could not possibly date one of Loki's clients – even though technically this was not exactly a date, was it?

At least that's what you were telling yourself. Every time reason tried to take over, you found some excuse or justification why it was totally ok to meet with him.

You bit your lip.

You liked Tony and you looked forward to meeting him.

 _And_ he was interested in you.

_Geeze, were you really so desperate for attention? Had the dark god completely ruined your self-esteem?_

“Stop it. It's going to be raw and bleeding if you keep doing that.”

_What?_

Loki leaned forward and placed his thumb on your bottom lip to pull it from your teeth. You were taken aback by his sudden touch and got caught in the mesmerising blue eyes as they were studying yours. You were suddenly very aware of the pressure of his thumb resting lightly on your chin for a moment, before he pulled it away.

"Don't. Do that again." He chided.

You stared at him blankly.

 _Damn._ He confused you. His touch, that was. It flustered you.

“I think I will wait outside.”

“But that would spoil all the fun, kitten. I consider it a tryst with destiny that I am about to meet this "date" of yours."

"It's not a date."

"If it's not a date, why are you nervous?"

“I am not nervous."

“Then stop fidgeting.”

You pulled yourself together and glanced at your phone.

_Did he get your message? He still hadn't replied._

You had decided that you would explain the situation to Tony as soon as he arrived. If he was reasonable, he would not even take you out for lunch. Trouble was, you could not imagine him to be a reasonable person. You imagined that he would probably find the whole situation a lot more intriguing, knowing who your boss was.

“There he is.” Loki said suddenly and you looked up, a sigh of relief escaping you as Loki rose to greet a man you recognised from yesterday's reception. Loki looked anything but pleased when he turned to you.

“Looks like your obscure friend narrowly dodged the bullet.”

While you thanked god for his mercy, Loki put on a friendly smile as he turned back to the client, not without casting you another quick glance that told you that _this was not over_ _yet_ , before they walked away, leaving you in the lobby by yourself.

You watched as the elevator doors closed behind them, and turned to see Tony entering the Lobby, pushing his sunglasses up onto his head.

_That had been a close call!_

When he saw you a wide grin spread on his face and you made your way over to him.

“Hi Frida. Have you dropped the kid to school? Are we free to enjoy ourselves?”

You smiled. It was genuinely good to see him, even with the nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach. But you could not just ignore that, could you?

“Tony, to be honest, I'm not sure this is a good idea.”

“Still having reservations about _misleading_ me? Or rather about my intentions? Let me give you some advice, Frida", he said, casually putting an arm around your shoulder as he steered you through the lobby towards the door, "Don't do anything I would do, and definitely don't do anything I wouldn't do. There's a little grey area in there, and that's where you operate - then you should be entirely safe.”

You smiled and shook your head.

"You're a _mad_ , rather than evil, scientist, I'd say."

Tony grinned and let you towards a silver Audi convertible that was parked in front of the hotel. He opened the passenger's door for you.

"It's a beautiful day, let's catch some Parisian air and enjoy life to the full, before I return you to your tower, Rapunzel."

 

***

 

Tony manoeuvred through the traffic with ease, pointing out sights on the way and dropping witty remarks that made you laugh, and until you sat down in the front yard of a small Bistro, you had successfully put off facing the fact that he was Loki's client. When the waiter delivered your drinks to your table you finally gathered the courage to tell him.

“The thing is, Tony, that I really shouldn't be here with you.”

He looked at you and sipped on his wine.

“You're married.”

You shook your head.

"No, it's not that."

"Engaged?"

"Uh-no."

"Terminally ill."

"Tony!" You leaned forward and playfully slapped his arm. "And, by the way, that last one _wasn't_ funny."

Tony grinned.

"You worry too much. Why not simply enjoy life's little pleasures? Good food, the company of a smart and undeniably handsome man ..."

You shook your head and laughed softly.

"No ego involved there."

"Where would be the fun in that?"

"I _am_ enjoying your company - it's just that my boss ..."

You flinched as your phone went off in your bag. You quickly fished it out and rose from your seat, casting Tony an apologetic glance.

“Sorry, I'll have to take that --- Hello?”

You stepped away from the table trying to keep your voice down so not to disturb anyone.

"Loki? What is it?"

“I cannot find my notebook, have you seen it anywhere?”

“Last I saw it it was on the coffee table - in your room.”

“Thanks. I will have a look.”

"Ok. No problem. See you later."

"Y/N?"

"Yes?"

"Be on time."

"I will be."

"Good."

There was a pause.

"Is there anything else, Loki?"

"No."

"Alright, I'll see you later then."

You walked back to the table and sat down.

“My boss.” You shrugged your shoulders apologetically.

“So, you _are_ married."

You grinned.

"Fortunately only for three weeks."

"You're on a three week contract? Maybe I can interest you in another job after that?"

"No, thanks." You shook your head. "One month is already stretching my limits. I am an artist, I am not used to this kind of work, but I guess it has its perks. Free trip to Europe. Good food. Great hotel rooms."

Your phone rang again and you rose to speak to Loki.

“Yes?”

“Merely wanted to let you know that I found it."

"Found what?"

"My notebook. It was exactly where you had said it would be.”

“Oh - well, that's great.

“Indeed.”

“Ok, well, is there - anything else?”

“That would be all.”

“Right then, I'll see you later.”

“Have fun.”

“ _Trying_ to.”

You sighed when you sank back down into your seat.

Tony smiled at you.

“Possessive boss - another one of those _perks_?”

“Miranda Priestly in "the Devil wears Prada" is a saint compared to him." You leaned forward over the table and whispered dramatically, "In real life, the devil actually wears _Valentino_.”

“Here”, he poured you some wine, "This usually helps."

“Thank you.”

You took a sip and licked your lips. It was excellent wine. Rich, deep and dark in flavour. Just the way you liked it.

“Tony, what I've been trying to say is that I work for --”

Both or you looked at your phone as it rang again.

Tony cocked an eyebrow as he caught the name that flashed on the display.

“ _The Devil_? You actually saved him in your directory as that?”

"Guess why."

You rolled your eyes, picked up the phone and jumped to your feet. Your voice filled with irritation.

“What the hell, Loki?”

There was a pause on the other end of the line, and you could swear that you were able to literally feel Loki's smirk.

“Just thought to enquire how your rendez-vous is coming along.” He said innocently and you huffed.

“It would be coming along nicely, if you wouldn't call every five minutes. Shouldn't you be in a business meeting anyway?”

“Now, now, kitten. Retract your claws.”

“If you are calling to annoy me, _congratulations_ \- you've succeeded in doing so. Now can you please give me a break and stop calling me about entirely unimportant things? Otherwise I am just going to turn off my phone for the next two hours.”

"You would not dare."

"Try me."

"Fine, no calls unless it's important. Don't turn off your phone, pet."

"And stop calling me that."

"Sure, kitten."

_Argh. Loki!_

“I swear, I am going to kill you if you call again, Loki.”

You hung up.

Tony had a smug smile on his face, trying to suppress a grin, when you returned to the table. He had obviously overheard your conversation.

“That's one interesting way to speak to your boss. I should hire you just to get my regular dose of _irreverence_.”

You shrugged your shoulders apologetically.

“I am sorry. He's a menace.”

Tony nipped on his wine.

"His name is Loki? The trickster God of Lies and Deceit? Wouldn't be the same Loki who rules the seventeenth floor of a building in Manhattan?"

You sighed.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you. That you're one of his clients and we shouldn't be meeting like this."

Tony leaned forward, putting his elbows on the table.

"You are telling me that you're _Lucifer's PA_?"

"Lucifer?"

"Well, you know, the tv show ... "

You shook your head.

"Never mind. The tv show doesn't even get close to the real thing. You're in much more trouble than you could comprehend, detective Decker."

“Look, Tony, I'm sorry, I only found out last night and it would have been the sensible thing to do to tell you right away, but then --"

"Then, you didn't want to miss the chance to spend some time in the presence of a genuinely charming and brilliant man, instead of a Sith-Lord, I understand, believe me."

You chuckled.

"Do you have any other good nicknames?"

"Most of the good ones are x-rated."

Your phone chimed.

_THE DEVIL: Remember to be on time._

You grit your teeth.

_YOU: I swear I will turn off the phone if you keep doing this._

_THE DEVIL: You said no more calls, you did not mention texting._

_YOU: I am turning it off. NOW! See you at Laduree at 4._

You switched your phone to silent and slipped it back into your bag.

"Oh, god, if he ever finds out who I am currently dining with, he'll positively kill me.”

"Well, he better not find out then."

"No." You rubbed your forehead and glanced over at him. "I should probably tell you that I've read your file - I am sorry, but it's part of my job."

"So, now you know all my sins, saves me confessions, at least."

"Guess so."

“I am not Loki's client, by the way, so don't worry too much.”

You raised your eyebrows in question.

“I am _Hela's_ client.”

“Well, that doesn't necessarily make it any better, does it?"

"Considering Loki is a possessive sociopath, I'd say you'd be better off with Hela."

You chuckled.

"You two are similar, you know.”

“Who? The evil eye and I?”

Tony looked offended, but you smiled at him.

“Well, a little.”

“You seem like a nice person, Y/N, --”

“--How did I end up with Loki?”

“Well, no, I was going to say that he's damn lucky to have you. I understand why he's so possessive, but it's his own fault for not handcuffing you to his wrist when he had the chance.”

“What is it with you guys? Loki keeps talking about collaring me.”

Tony smiled smugly.

"Could add a nice touch, I admit."

You narrowed your eyes at him and he smirked.

"What did you said before about the God of Lies and Deceit?"

"His name. Loki. It's the Norse God of Mischief, Lies and Deceit. He's a trickster. Not to be trusted - pretty suitable for a Sith Lord, I think."

_You'd have to read up on Loki, the god._

Tony regarded you for a moment before his expression turned serious.

"He's a narcissistic egomaniac with a god-complex, and he's a philanderer. Be careful around him and don't let yourself get roped in by his charms."

 _Uh. What? Had_ Tony _just warned you about_ Loki _? Using pretty much the same words Loki had, except that Tony hadn't asked you to_ stay away _from Loki?_

"I would suggest you stay away from him. But since you're his PA, I guess that's basically impossible, isn't it?"

 

***

 

Even though you had the feeling that Tony was itching to show up at Laduree's in his Audi, with _you_ in the passenger's seat, just to see Loki's reaction, the evil scientist called a taxi for you. After spending a few hours with him, you could tell that Loki and him were not on good terms with each other. They were similar, albeit Tony was a lot more “American” - or _human_. He did not have Loki's controlled, manacing demeanour – and maybe not even his ruthlessness. In the short time you had known him, you could tell that he had attitude but a good heart. Which surprised you, because after reading his file, you would have thought him to be much less ethical and more unscrupulous.

But then, he had been abducted in Afghanistan and that would have changed him. That's what traumatising situations did. And although he assured you he was just as narcissistic and ruthless as the files claimed, you found him to be rather pleasant company.

But you could not work out why Tony and Loki seemed so wary of one another.

You called Loki from the taxi, letting him know that you were on your way, and he awaited you at the door of Laduree when you arrived.

“Don't ever turn your phone off again, kitten.”

“You should take my threats more seriously then. It was only on silent anyway.”

Loki growled something and you smiled smugly.

“I came back in one piece, why not simply be grateful for that, God of Sass?”

He quirked an eyebrow.

_Oh no. Had you just said that?_

“Now don't --”

You glared at him.

Loki's lips widened into a grin.

“ _God_ of Sass?”

“Don't let it go to your head. Your ego is already inflated enough.”

“Your defiant behaviour shall be forgiven, little mortal.”

You hissed at him, and he laughed before he opened the door for you.

“After you, my mortal pet.”

“Loki!”

_Oh, god, what had you done._

He entered right behind you and whispered, so that only you could hear.

“I fear you have just created a monster.”

Loki introduced you to the hostess, Anna Turini, and after floating around the restaurant for a while, chit-chatting, he led you over to the counter that held a fabulous display of sweet delicacies.  
“They are famous for their macaroons and the lemon meringue tarts, amongst other things, are to die for.”

You smiled as you studied Loki's face. An innocent enthusiasm crept over his features as he eyed up the rows of colourful, rather fancy looking sweet treats in the glass cabinet.

_He had a soft spot for sweets._

_That was kind of cute._

His eyes met yours and he frowned.

“What is it?”

_Damn, were you staring at him?_

“Nothing, just hadn't realised you've got a sweet tooth.”

He grinned.

“Yes, remember that sweets are a good thing to appease your god with, next time you upset him.”

You scowled at him, but the way he looked at you was anything but arrogant. It was innocent, almost sweet.

_Ok, stop. Romanticising him again._

_Loki is not sweet. Nonono._

“Have you lost your ability to speak or would you like me to choose for you?”

You forced your eyes away from his face and let them wander over the tarts and pies - and all the small size cakes, macarons, and slices - in colours varying from green to pink. A friend had brought you macarons from Laduree in Soho once and they had been absolutely delicious.

“What about this?”

You pointed to a pink meringue cake.

“Ispahan. Rose, raspberries and lychee.”

“I'd like to try that, and – whatever you choose.”

It was like music to your ears when Loki opened his mouth and French poured out of it. You had thought his voice beautiful when he spoke English, it was utterly sexy when he spoke French.

Loki received a plate with various delicacies he had chosen from the lady behind the counter, and the two of you took a seat at one of the window tables, in a small room with elaborate baroque décor. You watched Loki's mask drop as soon as he had taken the first bite of a small lemon meringue pie, and you had to admit, you enjoyed the expression on his face maybe more than your sweet treats.

The delight that was written all over his features was mixed with a mischievous smile that reminded you of a little boy, who had just stolen some freshly baked cookies from granny's kitchen counter and was now secretly enjoying them, hiding in his tree house.

You wished you were able to capture this expression on your drawing pad.

The beauty of the moment was rudely interrupted by Loki's phone.

“Hela? Yes, wait. The reception is not very good here.” He rose to stand by the window. “Hello? Are you still there?”

Loki held his phone away from him, cursing quietly under his breath. He stood there for a minute, fiddling with it.

"Damn it."

"What is it?"

"It's stuck again."

"Just turn in off and back on."

"Did that. Technology." he grumbled.

You rose, walked over to him and leaned in to have a closer look. Loki was far too impatient with electronic devices, so you had started to take things off him and fix problems, before he got too frustrated.

"Let me give it a try."

"Are you talking about applying your magic touch to make my device work?"

He said smugly, and you shook your head.

_Where the hell did that come from?_

"How old are you again? … Geeze, Loki, it's really hot."

"If it wasn't a phone, I would say it's a good thing?”

You ignored him.

“Let's see if it comes back to life, after a reset."

"Your magic touch _does_ usually work." Loki stated hopeful, but slightly frustrated.

"Well, performance issues ... not uncommon.” Both of you looked up to find Tony standing in front of you with a macaroon in his hand and a smirk on his face. “You know, one out of five ..."

“Save it, Stark!”

Loki interrupted him before Tony could take it any further.

“Pleasure's on my side, Lucifer.”

Tony took put the macaron into his mouth and purred.

"These are delicious!"

Loki slipped his phone into the pocket of his jacket and you felt one of his hands coming to a rest on your lower back.

“Y/N, this is Tony Stark. Anthony, my assistant, Y/N.”

“Hi.” You offered your hand, which Tony took and brought to his lips just like he had done the first time. You felt your cheeks grow hot.

“My pleasure. If you ever get bored with Darth Odinson here, feel free to give me a call.” He winked at you.

You smiled and Loki cleared his throat.

“I don't think she would be interested.”

Tony smiled smugly and you shot him a glance.

_Don't you dare open your mouth and say the wrong thing. Loki is way too perceptive._

“I never knew you had an assistant.” Tony said to Loki, while he kept his eyes on you. “Is Lucifer keeping you locked up in a hotel room, or has he actually made an effort to show you some of the city?”

_God, stop it, Tony._

You felt Loki's fingers tighten a little on your back.

“I've seen the Louvre and Montmatre.”

You said quickly.

You did not want to lie to Loki.

You never intended to lie to him. Or keep secrets from him.

_Geeze, how did you get yourself into this?_

“If you need a guide, I am more than happy to show you around town.”

“We are leaving early tomorrow morning.” Loki fell in, now glaring at Stark.

Tony looked disappointed, then he rose his eyebrows.

“Maybe, I could take you out for dinner tonight then?”

_He was really pushing it._

You couldn't believe it.

“She will be busy tonight.”

Tony's gaze wandered between you and Loki.

“Let her speak for herself, will you? I apologise for his rude behaviour. I guess, Lucy gets a little antsy when he feels threatened.”

You could literally feel Loki's anger radiate off him, and looked up at him cautiously. All innocence had dissappated and left behind the cold mask you knew so well.

“Loki.” You heard yourself speak his name quietly, before you even knew you were doing it and when he turned to look at you, his gaze softened.

Anna chose this moment to come over and greet Tony, before she turned to Loki and pulled him away to meet one of her business partners. Loki cast you a quick glance and you smiled at him and nodded. His eyes still soft, but his jaw twitched.

“I will be right back.”

He followed Anna and left you with Tony.

“Tony, what do you think you are you doing?”

He shrugged.

“Contrary to popular belief, I know _exactly_ what I am doing.”

You rolled your eyes. You had never had so many opportunities to roll your eyes before.

_How had your life become filled with egomaniac males, who always claimed to know that everything was under their control?_

“Don't make him mad. It is I who will suffer the consequences.”

You said, but you knew it wasn't actually that. You felt terribly bad about hiding something from Loki.

“Believe me, if I was any nicer to him, he would grow suspicious. Especially, if I wouldn't try to hit on his girl.”

“I am not his girl.”

Tony laughed softly.

“And I considered you a bright woman. Allow me to show you something.”

He stepped up close and leaned forward to whisper into your ear, so close that his breath was hitting your skin causing a shiver to run down your spine.

“You've got Lucifer wrapped around your finger, Frida, and I must admit, it makes me kinda jealous, because I don't think he deserves you.”

“What are you doing, Tony?” You whispered.

“You see, if I am right - which I always am - it will take him less than 10 seconds to --”

“Stark.” Loki's voice was low and threatening.

Tony chuckled softly against your ear before he pulled away and gave you an _“I told you”_ look. You felt a blush creep up your cheeks.

Loki's glare was murderous and Tony's smile was unreasonably insolent.

“It's time for us to leave. We still have a lot of work ahead of us tonight.”

You were not mildly surprised when Loki's arm snaked around your waist and he pulled you to his side, sending a thrill right through your body.

“See you at Natasha's, I guess.” Tony said and winked.

“Good evening, Anthony.”

Loki's voice was like ice, and you were too stunned to say anything, as he led you out of the restaurant. As soon as you were out on the street, his arm dropped from you.

“I should apologise.”

“What for?”

“For – touching you. I just could not stand the way he looked at you, but I don't want to give you the wrong idea.”

_Oh. Ok._

_For a moment you had actually thought that Tony could have been right, and a wave of disappointment flooded your heart._

_Well, what had you expected?_

“It's ok.”

“I am not fooling around with your feelings, that's all I want you to know.”

Why did he have to be so honest all of a sudden? It was even more painful than his foolish teasing.

“Let's walk, the hotel is not too far from here.”

You simply nodded.

Don't be disappointed now, just because you thought for a moment that he was into you. Because even if he were, would you want this to develop into one of his _liaisons_? Because that was all you _would_ be. You side-eyed him as you walked.

You wanted something that you could not have.

Maybe that was what made him so attractive, because part of you knew that he would never fit into your world. And even if he _were_ interested in you in this way, you doubted you would ever be ready for him.

"What is it between Tony and you? You're usually impartial to clients, so why don't you like him?”

"We are just not fond of each other."

"It's something personal, isn't it?"

Loki drew a deep breath and you noticed he was careful not to meet your eyes when he spoke.

"We had a rather violent altercation at a party, years ago, before he became one of our clients. I threw him through a window on the second floor, luckily he landed in the pool below."

"You – did _WHAT_?"

"I was young and impulsive - and very drunk."

“Jesus Christ, Loki, you threw him out of a window? On the second floor?”

"Through a closed window.”

“You – _Holymotherofchrist!_ ”

He pushed his hands in his pocket and kept his eyes trained on the shops you were passing, so not to meet yours.

“Well, I wasn't - thinking straight. I found him kissing my girl and that - it made me angry.” He muttered.

“I just can't believe --”

“I am not proud of it, ok? And he doesn't miss a chance to rub it in either.”

His voice was slightly raised and irritated, and you knew you had stepped on a sore toe, so you tried your best to make light of things.

“Well, at least it's not some kind of a habit or yours, is it?”

His eyes met yours, to your utter surprise it was insecurity that filled the usually intense gaze.

“I lost control. I was on – well, I had a lot of stuff in my blood that shouldn't have been there. I have been clean for years now and I can control myself with alcohol, so you don't have to worry. I am not going to hurt you.”

For some reason his words stabbed your heart.

_Is that what he thought? That you were afraid of him?_

You searched his eyes, but he averted his gaze.

“I shouldn't have told you. It was a mistake. You never saw me this way, and I shouldn't have -”

“Loki, stop, please.”

You stopped where you were and stared at him.

There he was. The vulnerable, beautiful god with tousled hair, who you had first spotted on the beach.

For the second time today Loki had dropped his mask, and shared something with you that he would have normally kept hidden behind the walls of his impenetrable fortress of indifference.

He stopped walking, but did not meet your eyes, so you stepped up close to him, tentatively reaching your hand out to place it on his chest. It felt like the safest place to touch him. The only place you had ever touched him before.

Loki's eyes snapped to yours and it broke your heart to see the depth of sadness they held.

In that moment, you knew that you never wanted to be one of his flings or lovers or liaisons. You wanted to be his friend.

You wanted the intimacy that he shared with someone he trusted, more than the intimacy shared on a physical level.

“I am not afraid of you.” You whispered softly as you felt his heart pulse underneath your fingers. “Thank you for being so honest with me and trusting me enough to share this.”

To your relief the pain in his gaze dissolved, and his pupils dilated, as Loki's soft fingers hesitantly wrapped around yours.

“Friends?”

You nodded.

Time seemed to slow down, as the two of you stood there on the sidewalk of one of the busiest Parisian streets, entirely absorbed in each other's presence. Finally, it was you who attempted to pull your hand away, and it was Loki who did not let it go.

You raised an eyebrow at him and he smiled.

“I guess, this is an appropriate moment to give you your birthday gift.”

“What?”

He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Pardon me?" You tried with a small smirk.

“ _Beg_ me.” He whispered huskily.

“I _beg_ your pardon, your majesty?”

“Hm. So compliant, kitten.”

_So, how did he actually do this?_

_Switch from soft and vulnerable to - this?_

_And why did you like it? No, why did you love it?_

“You promised me a gift?” You said with a raised eyebrow.

“So I did.”

Loki reached into his pocket with his free hand and pulled out a small velvet pouch, then he took your hand that still lay over his heart and turned it palm up, keeping his eyes locked on yours the entire time. You did not even notice him opening the pouch, just felt something drop into the palm of your hand, and tore your eyes away from his to look at the small clear teardrop shaped crystal that lay in your palm, a thin silver chain attached to the pendant.

Your eyes flicked up to Loki, who seemed to be gauging your reaction.

“It's my way of apologising for making you cry _and_ giving you a belated birthday gift.” He picked it up, the crystal teardrop dangled in the air while he opened the lock on the chain. “May I?”

You merely nodded. Lost for words.

Loki carefully fastened the chain around your neck. It was short, so that the teardrop came to a rest just under you collarbones. You placed your fingers on the pendant.

Such a beautiful gesture.

You could feel tears collect in your eyes.

“You – you don't like it?”

You smiled and shook your head.

“I do. I like it very much – I just don't know what to say.”

Loki smiled.

“Then don't.”

He started walking again, and you followed suit.

“I knew I would find a way to collar you. And I knew you would like it.” He teased and you slapped his arm.

Loki laughed.

“And if you ever get sick of it, you can sell it and buy yourself a nice little house on the beach. It's worth about that much.”

_“WHAT?!”_

Loki tutted.

“Kitten, we really need to work on more eloquent language.”

 

 

One of the tables by the window in Laduree:

 

The hotel lobby with the couch in the centre, where they were lounging, waiting for Stark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, awe, that was sweet, I thought. :)
> 
>  
> 
> But don't fret - Loki will find out about Stark - and he will not be amused.


	14. Room with a view

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THANK you all so much!! It's been such an inspiring journey.  
> I am working on the next chapter and am also moving house at the moment, so here is a sweet interlude in the meantime... hope the Italian chapter will not be too far away!!
> 
>  
> 
> This is short, sweet and a little revealing.

_Wise men say only fools rush in_  
_But I can't help falling in love with you_  
_Shall I stay?_  
_Would it be a sin_  
_If I can't help falling in love with you?_

_~Elvis Presley, can't help falling in love_

You came out of your bedroom to let the room service in with breakfast, before you opened the windows to allow the fresh breeze from Lake Geneva sweep through the hotel room. Loki and you shared a suite this time. It was a spacious place with a large living an dining area, two bedrooms with ensuite and a magnificent view over the lake.

You had arrived in Switzerland mid-morning the day before and had gone straight to a UN reception, where Loki met with several ambassadors, some of them clients. The rest of the day had been filled with meetings, a boat trip with refreshments on Lake Geneva, organised by a client, and dinner with UN officials. It had been another late night and you were grateful that both of you had a free morning today until your flight to Rome at noon.

You had seized the time for a sleep in. It was 10:30am now, and you concluded that even gods needed sleep, as you had not heard or seen Loki yet, and the room service delivered breakfast for two, which indicated that he had not eaten either.

You should really make sure Loki was up, fed and ready for the flight. And prepared for the meetings in Rome in the afternoon.

So, you crossed the living area and knocked on the door of the second bedroom.

“Loki? Are you up yet?”

“Yes, come in.” Came the muffled answer from behind the door.

You opened it, took a step inside and stopped dead in your tracks.

Loki leisurely leaned against the headboard of his bed, reading, and looked up at you with sparkling blue eyes and a mischievous smile on his face. When you entered, he let the book sink into his lap, offering you a spectacular view of his naked chest and shoulders.

_You should probably apologise and walk back out of the room. Maybe you should cover your eyes. Or at least avert them._

Against all the suggestions of your rational, reasoning mind, you followed your first instinct. You cheekily, albeit a little gobsmacked, enjoyed the view.

“I should have asked if you're decent.” You muttered.

“And I would have told you that I am.”

“You call sitting half naked in your bed decent?”

“I am wearing a sheet - is that not modest enough? Apart from that, I am not _half-_ naked.”

He grinned.

_God, did he just tell you that he slept without clothes on?_

You felt the heat rise to your cheeks, not so much because he wasn't wearing anything under the sheet, but because you realised that you had been _staring_ at him the whole time.

At his body.

No, not even staring, but studying him.

Literally _studying_ him.

As if he were an object of art.

_Well, looking at him that way – he kind of was._

As mesmerising as his eyes usually were, an unobstructed view of his lean, muscular upper body suddenly seemed far more distracting and you had to force your eyes away to meet his.

And, yes, you would have loved to wipe that devious grin off his face.

Loki did not need to say it out loud. You could basically hear what was on the tip of his tongue when he grinned like that.

_Like what you see, kitten? Enjoying the view?_

You blushed even more now and Loki's grin widened and he cleared his throat to draw your attention.

“What did you want from me before you lost your ability to speak?”

_Oh, god, this was kind of embarrassing, wasn't it?_

“Uh, breakfast is ready. And it's already ten thirty. And Hela sent an email you need to look at.”

Without a word, Loki put the book down and rolled onto his side to retrieve his phone from the bedside table. The move exposed his back to you and it also let the sheet slip down far enough to unveil those two dimples at the base of the spine and on top of the the soft curves of his …

_Good god, what were you doing?_

As if entirely oblivious that you were still there – and frankly, you _should_ have retreated back into the living area by now, you were simply overcome by a mysterious lack of willpower and were unable to control your limbs - meanwhile Loki took his time checking the email on his phone. Since he stayed in exactly the same position, you allowed your eyes to wander upwards, trailing your gaze over his back and shoulders.

You had never been a fan of bulky muscle. You were a fan of Michelangelo's _David_.

Slender. Lean. Perfectly sculpted.

And there he was.

Michelangelo's artwork in the flesh.

Loki put on his glasses, still reading, and you leaned against the doorway, still staring.

You wondered if his skin was as soft as it looked, and were he had acquired the scars that stood out in soft pink against the pale expanse of his skin. You would have liked to know, but feared that it may be too intimate a thing to ask. _Yet_. Loki opened up to you slowly, in small steps, and you accepted that - along with the fact that you were still hopelessly attracted to him.

You sighed. 

You were, indeed. Hopeless.

And yet, the awareness that he was willing to see you as a friend brought a smile to your lips. It was worth much more than a kiss or a touch, you told yourself. 

As far as you understood it, to Loki, a friendship was an _intimate_ relationship, while sex was - well, just sex. Passion, desire, lust. Loki may not be interested in sleeping with you, but he was interested in you as a friend. As a person. 

He liked you, just not in the way that you had expected. It was somewhat relieving to realise that.

You allowed your eyes to rest on him, to drink in his beauty, because you just could not help it. Loki was _shamelessly_ beautiful.

He put his phone down and moved, stretching lazily and purring like a cat as he turned onto his back.

His eyes fell on you. 

"You look positively hungry, kitten."

To your surprise there was no sass in his tone, and the smile on his face was gentle. Inviting, almost. 

"I for my part, am starving."

"Same. Although I dare say our appetites may differ slightly at the moment." You did not wait for his response, but pushed off the doorframe with a smug smile, turned around and walked back into the living area, pulling the door closed behind you. 

Maybe it wasn't all that bad that the attraction was one-sided.

You were free to flirt. Free to enjoy the view. Free to be sassy.

No strings attached.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hm, Loki is playing his cards well


	15. Meeting Michelangelo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Italy ... so romantic.... :)

_When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie_  
_That's amore_  
_When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine_  
_That's amore._

_~Dean Martin_

 

“We will not need the jet until we leave Milano on Tuesday, why don't you take some time off and enjoy Italy, Burt.”

You overheard Loki speaking to the pilot of his private jet over the phone, when you entered the living area after taking shower in the luxurious bathroom of the suite you shared. It had been a long, exhausting day and the shower felt like a real treat and your damp hair brought refreshing relief in the dry heat of the Italian Capital that swept in through the open windows. You could have turned on the aircon, but since both Loki and you enjoyed sitting out on the small balcony with a magnificent view on the Colosseum, you left the doors to it open.

“So, how are we going to get to Milano then, if Burt takes a few days off?”

You asked after Loki hung up.

“Just like other people - we will take a car."

“We are going to _drive_ to Milano?”

"Isn't that what I just said?" Loki squinted his eyes at you. "Are you becoming spoilt already? Is the lady too good to go in a car?"

You scowled at him for an answer and he smiled.

"Pack an overnight bag, the rest of your luggage will go on the plane and will be picked up in an hour. We will leave very early tomorrow morning. Don't worry about bringing anything fancy, pack light.”

"Could you be any less demanding or bossy?"

"I am trying hard, but then I know how much you like it, kitten, and I would not want to spoil the fun." He purred. 

"I like it, because it makes me want to slap you again, in the hope of experiencing a moment of normality with you."

Loki rose from where he was sitting and slowly closed the distance between you. When he came to a halt in front of you, you had to tilt your head a little to look up at him, and he offered you the smuggest of smiles.

"Already getting tired of the God of Sass?"

He studied your eyes. Intently.

"Not yet." You pouted. "Getting tired of your mortal pet yet?"

In a flash Loki's pupils dilated so far that his eyes were almost black, and there was something feral in his gaze that sent a shiver through your body.

But when you blinked, his eyes were normal again. 

" _Never_." Loki's voice was low and smooth, like velvet. "Even when she behaves with such irreverence."

_Oh. My. God. Ok, you had definitely underestimated him._

You had thought you could just flirt with him with no regrets, but ...  _Oh, my god_ ... his gaze sent fire through your veins, his voice shivers down your spine and together they sent heat to all the right places.

"Hm." He purred. "Maybe I need to find ways to punish her to make her remember that she is dealing with a god."

You felt yourself melt.

_Jesus. How did he do this?_

Now that you had started flirting with him, teasing him, he was teasing you back with a vengeance. It was as if you'd given him permission to play and Loki was taking full advantage of it. Because, Loki loved games. He challenged you ruthlessly, and he was beautiful when he did. 

And yet, for him it was just that - a game - while for you it was ... well, you weren't even sure anymore.

_Business partners. Friends. Nothing more._

When he looked at you like he did, you weren't sure of anything anymore. 

His lips would part ever so slightly.

His eyes would delve straight into your soul.

A smirk would tug on the corner's of his mouth, as if to say -  _Dare to take me. I am right here._

And you would melt. Helplessly. 

A moment later, he would go soft and gentle, say something funny to make you laugh, and you would melt again. Your heart and soul that is. 

So much was shared between the two of you through glances, smiles and small gestures.

And yet he kept you at a distance.

 _Or maybe it wasn't him. Maybe it was you who kept_ him _at a distance?_

Your eyes shifted from his eyes to his lips.

He was playing with you and somehow, you had started to enjoy the thrill that came with it.

It scared you. 

_Was he merely trying to find out where you would draw the line? How far he could go with his taunting and teasing?_

You dropped your eyes and put your hand on his chest, pushing ever so slightly against it. 

"You're too close."

You were surprised that you'd actually spoken the words, even more so that he respected them by taking a step back. 

_He was giving you control._

"Why are we taking a car?"

You asked to break the tension between you.

“You were complaining about not seeing enough of the country and we don't have to be in Milano until the day after tomorrow.”

You stared at him, dumbfounded.

“You are doing this for me?”

Loki laughed softly.

“Now now, don't be so full of yourself. Tuscanny is one of my favourite places and it happens to lie between here and Milano. It's rather that I am letting you tag along, while I am enjoying myself.”

_Ass._

You hoped that your eyes were shooting daggers at him.

“Retract your sweet claws, kitten. You will enjoy yourself, I promise. Now, go and pack your bags, and meet me at the reception in one hour, we have still have some time left to explore the city of the ancient Empire before dinner.”

He retrieved his phone from the table and left you with a soft  _"Ci vediamo"_ \- _see you soon_.

It took you a minute to process what had just transpired.

Loki and you were going on a road trip. Now that was the first thing that got you genuinely excited ever since you had landed in Rome and had endured matinees, lunches, dinners and meetings. Loki had not even given you time off during business meetings since you left France, and you were reminded of Tony's words.

_He should have handcuffed you to his wrist when he had the chance._

Well, he sure as hell made up for it now. 

 _Tony_.

You had not have time to reply to the message he had sent you, until late last night, when you retired to bed at 1.30am.

_TONY: How are you? Is Lucifer keeping you on a tight leash after Laduree?_

_YOU: Yeah, you could say that._

To your surprise your phone chimed a moment later.

_TONY: While I'm proud that I was able to piss him off, I guess I owe you an apology._

_YOU: You owe me dinner sometime when we are back in New York._

_TONY: If Dracula allows you to roam from his castle, it would be my pleasure._

_YOU: He told me what happened. That he threw you through a window._

_TONY: He was on drugs and thought I'd stolen his girl. Guess it was a fair reaction_

_YOU: Did you? Steal his girl?_

_TONY: Yes and no. I tried to piss him off and she was afraid of him._

_YOU: Afraid?_

_TONY: He scared her with his insanity. Lucifer's a broken man._

_YOU: He's not like that anymore._

_TONY: Insanity never leaves you. I speak from experience._

You stared at your phone, not knowing what to say to that. You had started to wonder about Loki's past after what he told you. How a man who had such softness hidden within could also have this other side to him puzzled you. But then, maybe it was exactly because of this gentleness, that was undeniably there in his being? Maybe he could not find a way to harmonise this part of his nature with his job?

_TONY: Frida? You still there?_

_YOU: Yup. Sorry. Was thinking._

_TONY: It's late. Get some sleep._

_YOU: Hm. You too._

_TONY: Still have work to do. Don't sleep much._

_TONY: Don't worry about Lucifer. I haven't seen him this sane in a long time._

_YOU: Thanks_

_TONY: Would have loved to snatch you away from him. Just not keen on a repeat of the window experience_

You chuckled.

_YOU: You've got a good heart, you know_

_TONY: You're the first to tell me that._

_YOU: Sorry about that_

_TONY: Go to bed now, or I'll change my mind about snatching you from him_

There was nothing to snatch away. Or was there?

Loki was just playing with you. 

_YOU: It's not like he's into me. It's all just a game to him._

_TONY: You are even more insane than he is, darling_

_YOU: It's complicated_

_TONY: Love always is. That's why we avoid it like the plague_

_YOU: We?_

_TONY: Attractive, intelligent, wealthy men like Lucifer and I_

Oh. 

Did he say - LOVE?

_YOU: It's not what you think_

_TONY: Sure_

_TONY: Call me sometime. Would enjoy to hear that lovely voice of yours._

_YOU: Ok, I will. Goodnight, Tony._

_TONY: Good night, Y/N._

 

***

 

When you met Loki in the lobby an hour later, you were excited.

You were finally going to see Rome - even if it was only for a couple of hours. 

The hotel you stayed in was right next to the Colosseum, the famous amphitheatre, and Ludus Magnus, the ruins that used to be a gladiator school. Remnants of temples and arches were scattered around the area, and you were impressed by Loki's knowledge on Roman history, as he led you through the ruins, telling you stories and explaining details to you.

Then he steered you out of the historical area, into the lanes and streets of "downtown" Rome, that were lined with typical Italian stone buildings. Laundry lines stretched between the houses in the narrow lanes and flower baskets lined some of the windows, while the streets underneath were bustling with pedestrians and filled with the toots of motor scooters.

This city was full of life. 

You came out on a rather busy street, Loki took a right and pulled you into a shop with casual clothing.

A shop _you_ would have entered, if you had gone shopping. Casual and affordable.

Loki asked you to choose a couple of outfits before he disappeared to the men's section only to reappear a few minutes later in jeans and a forest green shirt. He ran his fingers through his hair to fix the wayward strands that must have come loose while he was changing and then started to roll up the sleeves of his new shirt.

You regarded him, entirely captivated by the transformation of King Loki into – well – _Loki_.

“Alright, you can stop gaping now. I am aware that I am incredibly attractive, but you are drawing attention. People migth think I am a celebrity or something.”

You slapped his arm, he grinned and took the items you had chosen off your hands, to place them on the counter. He exchanged a few words in Italian with the girl behind the counter before he handed over his credit card and some cash.

“They will send the bags to the hotel, so we don't have to carry them.”

His eyes trailed over the dress you were wearing, then his gaze dropped to your feet and he cocked an eyebrow.

“Interesting combination.” He muttered.

“You said we would do sight-seeing, and walking is much more comfortable in running shoes rather than high heels. My legs are _craving_ _flat_!”

“Maybe we should get you some sandals, then.”

“Running shoes will do for now.”

He relented without further ado.

Something that had been happening more frequently lately, you noticed.

Much to your satisfaction, you earned some whistles from Italians even without high heels. Which was balm to your ego, and when you walked past a gelato shop, you swerved for Loki's side towards the counter and pulled your wallet from your purse.

“Un cono a tre gusti, per favore.”

You said as you handed the money over the counter.

“You speak Italian? And here I thought I had to do all the talking.”

Loki had joined you and was standing behind you, peering over your shoulder. 

“I only know the basics, like the most  _important_ things – how to order ice cream for example.”

The young Italian behind the counter smiled at you.

“Che gusto di gelato vuoi, bellissima?”

“Nocciola, fragola i stracciatella.”

You turned to Loki.

“Are you not having any?”

“No dairy, no gluten - unless I have to.” He raised an eyebrow. “I believe this has both.”

You reached out to receive your ice cream and the boy behind the counter winked at you. You offered him a smile in return. Italians had a natural thing for flirting, it seemed to be in their blood.

"What a flirt."

You said as you kept walking.

"Italians have a natural sense for beauty and know how to value it."

You side-eyed Loki, but he held his gaze straight ahead.

“Want to try some of my ice cream?”

He turned to look at you.

“Even in all your innocence, you would make a terrible assassin, kitten.”

“Why?”

“ _Fragola_.”

“Strawberry?”

“Exactly.”

You looked at him for a moment.

“I am allergic to strawberries.”

“Oh." You had forgotten. "Is it like – I mean, are you  _badly_ allergic?”

Loki laughed softly.

“Badly enough to carry an epinephrine injection kit in my pocket around with me all the time. So, yes, your gelato is a potential killer for me. A tasty one nonetheless.”

“Oh, my god. I never – I am just not used to – I-”

“I didn't mean to make you feel bad - and so far I have been able to inject myself before the anaphylactic shock kills me.”

“That's not funny, Loki.”

“I did not say it was.”

You tried some of your gelato. It was divine. _Absolutely_ divine.

“You're missing out.”

Loki just smiled.

You roamed the streets for a little longer before Loki whistled for a taxi and ushered you inside.

“Are you hungry yet?”

“Not quite.”

"Good."

“Where are we going?”

He grinned, and then wiggled his hand into the pocket of his jeans to pull out the silk tie he had worn earlier.

“Do you trust me?”

_Uh._

_What was he up to?_

You nodded.

“I want to hear it, kitten.”

“I – I trust you.”

“Close your eyes.”

You obeyed and felt the soft silk touch your skin as Loki put it over your closed eyes and fastened it at the back.

“Can you see anything?”

“No.”

“Excellent.”

You leaned back against the seat. Being blindfolded by him was oddly exciting and you were trying hard to keep your mind from imagining other situations that would call for Loki tying a silk tie ...

_What was this man doing to you? You weren't a kinky person. At least, that's what you had thought._

You bit your lip.

The pressure of Loki's thumb on your chin, made you flinch and you let your lip go immediately. Instead of pulling away, Loki gently rubbed the pad of his thumb over your lip.

"Relax." He said and you felt a strange loss when his touch lifted away.

The car stopped a short while later, and you heard Loki speak to the driver, before he got out and opened the door on your side. His fingers wrapped around your hand as he helped you out of the taxi. 

"Watch your step. We are not quite there yet."

Keeping hold of your hand, Loki guided you across what felt like a large square. You could hear people talking and pidgeons fluttering up to get out of your way, then he led you up a long flight of stairs.

You could feel the temperature drop a few degrees as you entered a building, and guessed it was a church of some kind, as the air was cooler inside and you could also hear the echo of your steps.

_Where was he taking you?_

You wrapped your fingers tighter around Loki's and he squeezed it lightly as if to reassure you.

"We're almost there."

He spoke to someone in Italian, then pulled you behind him to lead you up a couple of steps and down a corridor, through a door into what sounded like another large hall or room.

Finally he came to a stop.

“We are here. Be a good pet and keep your eyes closed until I tell you to open them. No peeping, little mortal.”

You wanted to roll your eyes, but of course he would not have been able to see the gesture, so you merely nodded. You were far to curious by now where he had taken you and why he made such a fuss about it.

Loki turned you around, so he stood behind you and untied your blindfold.

“Not yet.” He chided before he took it off.

Then you felt both of his hands cup your face from behind and tilt your head upwards.

“Now.”

When you opened your eyes, you gasped.

Right above you was the fresco of Adam, extending his arm out towards God to receive his blessings.

Michelangelo's most famous work. 

Without a word you turned, still facing upwards, taking in the magnificent fresco-paintings on the ceiling above you.

The Sistine Chapel. Loki had taken you to see the Sistine Chapel. 

You had been wanting to see this for such a long time. Had wanted to see it so badly, while in Rome, but it had already been too late this afternoon since they closed the chapel at six o'clock, and you would not have made it in time from the hotel.

Apart from that, you knew how crowded it usually was and after your experience in Loki's club and the Louvre, you rather avoided large crowds.

_You weren't ready yet._

Your wide eyes wandered over the ceiling and, after a full circle, you turned to face Loki, who stood behind you with a satisfied smile on his face.

“How?" You asked. "They close at six.”

“Somebody owed me a favour.”

“Somebody owed you a favour?"

He shrugged.

"Not even the Holy Church is safe from deals with the devil, I guess."

"Well, Lucifer was an _angel_ before he lost his wings, wasn't he?"

Loki regarded you, something akin to melancholy clouding his eyes.

“That was a long time ago.”

You felt like putting your arms around him, but chose not to. One of these days you would, when he looked at you with this undefinable sadness in his gaze that made your heart clench painfully.

"Somebody owes you a favour and allows you access into the Sistine Chapel straight through St Peter's Basilica? The heart of the Catholic Empire? It must be a pretty big favour this person owed you.”

“We used a side entrance.”

"Your specialty, I guess. Finding loopholes and side doors."

Your words had the desired effect and lightened up his face.

"Are we the only ones here?”

Loki nodded.

“It gets very crowded in here during the day, so I felt you preferred it like this anyway.”

He remembered that you were not comfortable with crowds.

He had made an effort to arrange for you to see Michelangelo's work. 

He had blindfolded you so not to spoil the surprise.

You were not sure what to say.

Or what to think.

“We only have about fifteen minutes – probably only ten by now, so why don't you admire and adore, before Luca realises that he made a deal with the devil and casts me out.”

"Luca?"  
"The person who owed me a favour. Enough questions. Admire your Michelangelo."

About ten minutes later, a young priest appeared through a side door, walked up to Loki and spoke to him. Loki nodded and when he looked in your direction you made your way over to them.

The young priest greeted you with a bright smile, and you shook his hand. His eyes darting from you to Loki. 

“La fidanzata?”

“Si.” Loki said.

“You are fortunate, signor Odinson.”

He spoke with a thick Italian accent.

“Yes, I am aware.”

You glanced at Loki, trying to figure out what they were talking about, but before you could ask, the priest beckoned you to follow him and led you and Loki through the side door and a narrow corridor back to St Peter's Basilica, where he accompanied you to the exit.

When you stepped out into the warm summer evening, you felt enchanted. You had experienced a private moment with Michelangelo.

And Loki had organised it for you.

For _you_.

He was a few steps ahead of you as you descended the stairs from the basilica to the Piazza San Pietro, and you called out his name. Loki stopped and turned around to face you. You ended up on eye level with him due to the fact that he stood a step below you.

"Hm?"

He asked.

“Thank you.”

“You are most we--”

The words got stuck in his throat as you put your hands on his shoulders, leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss on his cheek.

You pulled away a moment later, enjoying the look of bewilderment on Loki's face, before you continued down the stairs. A soft giggle escaped you, when you turned around to see him still standing in the same spot, not moving.

_You couldn't believe you had just stunned the God of Sass._

“Come on, Lucifer.” You called out to him. “Let's get something to eat. I am starving.”

He finally turned, glaring at you due to the nickname that he obviously connected to Tony, but by the time you were back in the taxi, a gentle smile tugged the corner's of his mouth upwards.

You were not sure what kind of relationship it was that blossomed between the two of you. But you were willing to allow it to grow. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hm, let's see how long Loki can go without causing any drama ...
> 
> fidanzata by the way means fiancee ... feel free to guess what story Loki told the young priest, if the priest believes you are Loki's fidanzata. :)


	16. Needs must when the devil drives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok, so this starts of a bit emotional and I took the liberty to give the reader (YOU) a past traumatic experience - although I do pray that NONE of you have experienced anything like this - which is the loss of a dear friend and the guilt that comes with feeling responsible for it (even when we are not). 
> 
> It explains your fear of crowds and why you have withdrawn from socialising and live a secluded life by the beach.
> 
> the chapter will end on a much lighter - and more exciting note .... well, almost exciting...

 

 

 

 

_Dell'amore non si sa_

_quando viene o se ne va_

_dell'amore non si sa_

_quando sar_

_da dove arriver_

 

_With love you never know_

_When it comes or if it goes_

_With love you never know_

_When it will be there_

_or from where it will arrive_

 

_~Andrea Bocelli, dell'amore no si sa_

 

“Good morning.”

You yawned as you came out of your room, plopping your day bag on the couch, before you stepped out onto the balcony to join Loki, who was currently leaning on the banister, taking in the early morning view of the Colosseum and the traffic below. A pale grey sky, dotted with fading stars, stretched above the city as it slowly came to life, eagerly awaiting the golden disc of the sun to rise above the horizon and caress the roofs its light.

You wondered how Loki had managed to organise a full breakfast at this hour of the day.

Guess, almost everything was possible if you had the right amount of charm and money.

He turned around and greeted you with a genuine smile. Something you were still getting used to.

“Good morning, kitten.”

You settled at the table and reached for some – glutenfree – bread, cheese and scrambled egg which was still steaming when you lifted the cover. Loki took a seat opposite of you and watched as you ate, after a few minutes you looked up at him and raised your eyebrow.

“Are you not going to eat anything?”

Loki gave you a bewildered look, then he cleared his throat and reached for a bread roll himself.

You shook your head.

Well, it was early. He was probably still half asleep.

“So, where are we going today? I had a look on google maps last night and it's only about a six hour drive to Milano. I also discovered that we go through Florence, will we have time to stop there?”

“We'll do a best of my favourite places in Tuscany: Morning tea in Siena, lunch in San Gimignano and afternoon snacks in Florence. From there we will go to Cavallina and spend the night there with friends who are expecting us for dinner.”

“Oh, wow. Everything's already planned out and organised.”

“There is still plenty of room for spontaneous stops and side trips.”

“And ice cream?”

“And ice cream.”

“Sounds like a good plan to me, then.”

“Well, I am certainly pleased that I am able to make my mortal pet happy.”

He delivered the line with a fair dose of smug arrogance in his features, and you asked yourself how he was able to keep a straight face saying things like this.

“Making her happy is the easy part, _keeping_  her happy is the challenge.” You winked at him.

 

***

You had left the streets of Rome behind you and had been driving overland for about an hour in comfortable silence. Loki was a speedy, but smooth driver and you alternated between watching the countryside to your right and the beautiful man to your left. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows, which offered you a good view of his muscular forearms and slender hands that rested on the steering wheel.

Beautiful hands with straight, slender fingers. You let your eyes travel up his arms to his face. Loki looked entirely relaxed as he drove, keeping his eyes on the road ahead, but you knew by the way the corner's of his mouth twitched upwards that he was aware of you watching him.

“What is the reason for your anxiety attacks?”

The question took you by surprise. Loki hardly ever asked anything personal and his sudden interest was unexpected. You straightened up in your seat.

_The accident._

It was a sensitive issue. You had never really spoken to anyone about it – anyone apart from your therapist. You were not sure if you were ready to change this, but then, Loki had been opening up towards you and you felt oddly safe around him.

“I was involved in an accident.” You heard yourself say.

There was a strange feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Back then, after it happened, you thought you had handled it well. Got over it without major issues.

You got on with your life as if nothing had happened, because that seemed the logical thing to do. To distract yourself from the pain and guilt that ate away on you. And from the fear that had settled in your system.

You focused on your job – at that time you worked as a graphic designer for an agency in Manhattan - on your marathon training, and on socialising.

That worked well, until it all caught up with you. Trauma works like that. It sneaks up on you slowly but when it strikes, it does so without mercy. First you only felt overwhelmed by minor incidents, but soon you weren't able to handle noise anymore, or people. You stopped going out and seeing friends, withdrawing from social events and focusing entirely on your work.

Then, you would wake up at night, panting, your breath shallow and your heart racing. Sheets drenched with perspiration. Or you would not sleep at all. Going for days on end with only a couple of hours, as your nervous system did not seem to be able to wind down.

Work became overwhelming. Everything became threatening. Your life became filled with irrational fear. You eventually broke down.

That was when you moved out to the beach.

You needed somewhere quiet and the ocean seemed to soothe your nerves. You withdrew from life as you knew it and started painting. It helped. To some extent.

Many of your friends did not understand why you changed. Why you were not going out anymore and avoided social gatherings.

Over the past years you had lost a lot of so-called friends. Or rather, you _kept_ your true friends, while others fell away.

Unfortunately most of your good friends lived overseas. As did your family. Your friendship with Thor had verily been a blessing.

You felt Loki's eyes on you and let out a breath you had not even noticed you were holding, as you turned away from him to look out of the window, bringing your attention to the soft hills, the cypress trees, golden fields of ripe wheat and the small villas with tiled roofs that rushed past.

“I did not mean to make you uncomfortable.”

His voice was pleasant.

“It's fine, I just never talk about it. It's ... it's not worthwhile talking about.”

You waved it off.

“You are merely afraid.”

He deadpanned.

His words irritated you. It was not his place to tell you that – even if it were true. You expected him to be sympathetic - everybody would be - but, of course, Loki was not. He rubbed it right into your face that you were too scared to talk about it.

“And why would you care?” You snapped.

Loki was silent.

You felt bad.

“I – I am sorry. I just don't want to talk about it.”

“It's fine.”

You kept watching the Italian countryside fly past and tried to hold back the tears that you could feel welling up in your eyes - partly because you felt bad for snapping at Loki, and partly because Loki's question had triggered unbidden memories that now floated to the surface of your mind.

 _Shit_.

You did not want to think about it.

You weren't ready.

“We were a car load full of people on our way home from a party. Bucky, the driver, he was - he was drunk. I shouldn't have let him drive or got in the car with him, but, I guess, I – we - trusted him.” You paused. “He was my best friend."

You nibbled at the tip of your thumb as you spoke.

"I fell asleep in the passenger's seat and woke when the car veered off the road and rolled over a couple of times.”

You wiped away a stray tear and kept your eyes trained on the countryside.

“I had my seat belt on and they - they had to cut me out of the car. The guys in the back - they were severely injured and Bucky - he never wore his seatbelt. They found him a few yards away. The ambulance never made it on time.”

You wiped another stray tear off your cheek. There were more coming and you rummaged around in your purse to find some tissues.

Loki kept his eyes on the road, but when you glanced over at him, you saw the muscle in his jaw twitch.

“Were you injured?”

“What?”

“In the accident.”

“I was jammed in the squashed car, but I did not have any major injuries.”

_The irony of fate. How could you have been fine, while Bucky ... Fate was cruel sometimes._

“I am sorry – for your loss.” Loki said.

“Bucky was reckless.”

_That's why he had been so much fun to be with. Why he had been such a good friend._

You felt your stomach clench.

You were not sure what to say. What to think. Or even feel.

“He was a good friend.”

_You did not want to speak about him._

“It's not easy to loose a person you love.”

“What would _you_ know about love, Loki?” You hissed.

Loki's fingers tightened on the steering wheel, but he did not say anything.

_Why had you said that?_

_Because you were not ready to deal with this right now._

_You wanted to push him away, because you were not ready to deal with the pain that his prodding was about to bring up._

“Why don't you just mind your own business.”

“You feel responsible for his death?”

_Damn, yes, of course you did, but why would you admit that to him?_

“It was an accident.”

“Then why are you being defensive?”

“Just leave it be, Loki.”

“Well, your pathetic guilt and self-pity will _not_ bring him back.”

Your lips parted in shock as his words stabbed your heart.

_What the -?_

You felt yourself want to curl up and cry, but instead of helpless resignation the irritation returned.

No, not irritation. Rage, rather. You felt like ripping Loki apart for his heartlessness.

“You are – you are the most heartless person I've ever came across.”

“And your guilt is completely useless. He's dead. Nothing will bring him back.”

_What? How? What was he doing?_

It hurt. He purposefully hurt you!

“You may be heartless, but I will never forgive myself that I let him die out there! I should have never allowed him to drive, we should have taken a taxi, I should have persuaded him to ...”

You realised you were yelling and stopped yourself.

“Pull over.”

“Y/N --.”

“PULL OVER!! Right NOW!”

Loki obliged and you jumped out of he car as soon as it came to a halt and started walking down the road.

_Away from him. Just get away from him._

Away from this unbearable human being, who made you feel as if he cared one moment and stabbed you in the heart the next.

_How could he? How could he do this to you?_

_How could youhave allowedhim to do this to you?_

You had managed to forget how horribly guilty you felt over the years, and now, all the pain that you had tucked away safely, all the guilt that you had hidden behind reasonable explanations concerning Bucky's death - it all came up in this moment and it left you helpless.

_You couldn't deal with this. It was too much._

_Too much._

_Shit! Shit! Shit!_

In a haze heard a car door slam behind you and walked faster, wiping your tears.

“Y/N!”

“Fuck you, Loki!”

He caught up with you, took hold of your hand and spun you around, before grabbing your upper arms firmly.

“Don't touch me! Let me GO!” You screamed and kicked at him.

_There was so much pain. Too much pain._

_How could he hurt you like this?_

_You had trusted him!_

_For god's sake, you had told him something you'd never told anyone else and he'd used it to hurt you!_

“Fuck off! Let me go! I hate you, Loki! God, I HATE you so much!”

You screamed and kicked, but he held you in a tight grip.

“Yes. That's it. Let it all out. Let out all that pain. Let it all out.”

“What the bloody hell?!”

“Hate me, kitten! Hate me, if it helps you to let go of the pain. Scream and rage and hate me, but stop blaming yourself.”

_What the ...? Was he completely insane?_

You stilled in his arms.

It felt as though something inside you broke up, allowing your grief to flow unhindered as tears started dripping from your chin.

“It's ok. Let it be. Stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault.”

Loki's grip loosened when he felt you stop struggling and his voice was calm and soothing. You clung to Loki's voice as though it was a life-line in the rising flood of your emotions.

“Loki ...”

“Yes, I am here. I'm here.”

“I hate you.”

Your voice was weak and you knew that you did not mean a _single_ word you were saying.

“It's ok. Be angry with me. Hate me. Just don't – don't be angry at yourself.”

You looked up at him, confused, and the eyes that glanced back at you were soft and deep.

That's when you realised that it had not been Loki's intention to hurt you with his seemingly atrocious behaviour. In his own paradoxical way, he had forced your pain and guilt to the surface so that you would deal with it, by making you angry. Forced up all the pent up anger you held against yourself that needed an outlet. 

Loki had made you angry so that you would open up, rather than to hurt you.

He had allowed you to _use_ him, _abuse_ him, to rage and scream, and now he was here to hold you. To show you you were not alone.

_Heavens, this man was going to drive you insane._

He let go of your arms and you leaned against his chest sobbing softly, desperate to find this place again, the place in his arms that made you feel safe.

“You're a horrible person, Loki.”

Loki chuckled softly.

“I guess, you're right.” His voice was soft. “I am not sorry though, if this helped you. Sometimes it is necessary to vent that anger at someone and since I am a horrible person it makes it easier to be angry with me, does it not?”

Hesitantly you wrapped your arms around him and felt one of his hands gingerly stroking your hair.

“You are not responsible for his death.” He whispered. “It is not your fault. Do you believe me when I say that?”

“I am not sure, if I ever will ... but I do feel a little better.”

The two of you stood there for a couple of minutes, next to the road, in the golden light of the early morning sun.

“I understand what it's like to loose – to loose loved ones – and what it feels like to carry this guilt inside you. It can break you.” His other arm came around you and pulled you against him. “And I am not going to let that happen.”

You barely took in his words because you were listening to the beat of his heart that lay right under where you had placed your head, and as they slowly sank in you frowned.

“Why?”

“Because you are the only PA I've ever had and I am growing rather fond of having you around.”

You huffed weakly.

“Anyway, this was not how I planned this morning to go, kitten.”

Loki's tone was careful, but you knew he tried to brighten up your mood.

“Yeah, you better make up for it then - _Lucifer_.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Horrible.”

Another soft chuckle.

“You probably look it too, you know.”

You punched his side playfully.

“You know, you don't have to bring me to tears every time you want to hold me in your arms.”

“Is that so?”

His hold on you loosened as he placed his chin on top of your head.

“Would you – _like_ that?”

You could feel the words vibrate in his throat.

“Like what?”

“Be held - in my arms?”

_You could stay right here - forever. In the arms of this insane man._

“Sometimes. Maybe.”

_Liar._

“Maybe we can arrange it then,  _sometimes_.”

 

***

The day developed better than it started. By the time you reached Siena, the awkwardness between you had dissipated, and Loki seemed bent on making up for his behaviour. He bought you a _saccottino al cioccolato_ and a cappuccino that had just the right amount of froth on top, before he dragged you off to see the most amazing cathedral, which was made from white and black marble - a piece of art with its striped columns and intricate marble floor inlays.

You had lunch in a small village called San Gimignano, on the terrace of a tiny restaurant that was nestled between the old stone buildings and the tall towers that overlooked the village. A charming place with a lot of history. You bought some very sweet, tiny grapes from a street stall, washed them under a drinking fountain and ate them as you sauntered around the village.  

By the time you left, the midday heat was beating down on the country. About half an hour from Florence, Loki parked the car at the side of the road to have a short break in the shade of some trees. It was too hot to drive any further, he claimed, retrieved a blanket and put it on the grass in the shade, not far from where you had parked the car. He lay down and closed his eyes, while you fished a small sketchbook from your bag. 

You leaned against the trunk of a tree and looked at Loki. 

With utmost certainty, he was the most beautiful, the most horrible, the most loveable and the most fearsome person you had ever met. 

You had hated him with all your heart this morning and yet, within minutes he had made you love him even more.

 _Love_ him. 

_Was that what you were doing?_

_Falling in love?_

_Falling in love with the devil._

You sniggered softly.

That was probably even more stupid than having a crush on him.

You closed your eyes. 

_Was he just playing with you or did he really care?_

_Then why did he not do anything to let you know? He would have surely kissed you by now, if he had any romantic inclinations, wouldn't he?_

_He would have ..._

"Y/N?"

You opened your eyes, looking straight into the mesmerising blue ones you knew so well. 

"We should be on our way, if you wish to see Florence."

 _Uh. You had dozed off._  

Loki smiled and offered you his hand to pull you up.

Florence was crammed with people, but it was just as charming and beautiful as you had expected. You explored the city centre with its magnificent cathedral, the Basilica di Santa Croce, decorated with Giotto's marvellous frescos and which is also known as the Temple of the Italian Glories as it was the burial place of some of the most prodigious Italians, like Michelangelo, Galileo Galilei, Machiavelli, and Rossini.

You received your well-earned ice cream and Loki relented to having a small tub of stracciatella himself - damned be the dairy - while you strolled over the Ponte Vecchio, the famous bridge lined with jewellery and souvenir shops, to finally settle on a stone bench in the Boboli Gardens. By that time you felt tired and utterly satisfied. 

When you left Florence, the sun was already low on the horizon. You arrived in Cavallina about forty minutes later, driving through the small town and then following the road for another twenty minutes along a lake, until Loki pulled into a driveway lined with tall cypress trees.

The gravelled drive way ended in front of a stone villa. Loki honked the horn twice and brought the car to a stop at the side of the building.

“LOOOKIIII!”

You heard her long before you saw the little girl appear around the corner of the house, squealing with excitement. Loki laughed, got out of the car and crouched down, opening his arms wide and she literally jumped on him, almost making him fall backwards.

Loki oofed at the impact. She giggled.

You slowly got out of the car, curiously eyeing the scene in front of you.

"Mia cara." Loki purred as he held the girl. 

“Did you bring any presents from America?”

You overheard the girl ask him. She was probably five or six, judging by her height and speech.

“Of course, princess.”

Loki hugged her, before he lifted the girl into his arms as he rose to his feet, while she wrapped her thin arms around Loki's neck and her legs around his torso. The her eyes fell on you.

“Hello.” One of her hands let go of Loki's neck so that she could wave at you before she turned to Loki. "Is she your girlfriend?"

You smiled. Loki turned around and walked over to you, while he looked at the little girl. 

"Y/N is my friend." 

"Your _farfallina_?"

Loki's cheeks blushed a little. 

_Wait. He did, didn't he?_

"Hello, I am Y/N.”

“My name is Pippa.”

She nuzzled her head agains Loki's neck, and you were utterly charmed by the pair.

" _Coccolona_." Loki laughed softly. "Where is your mother?"

“Just in time for dinner!”

You turned at the sound of a female voice with an American accent. A pretty dark haired woman with a well curved figure appeared in the doorway of the house.

“Hi!” She waved at you and Loki. “Go around the house, we've set up dinner in the garden.”

Loki smiled at you and you could not help but wonder why he allowed you see this side of him.

_Domestic Loki._

... with a little girl wrapped around him, who seemed to love him like there was no tomorrow.

The three of you walked into a garden which was surrounded by tall trees, and fireflies were starting to twinkle across the lawn while cicadas chirred happily in the trees above. On a veranda stood a large table with chairs around it, which was laden with all kinds of bread, fruit, vegetables, sausages, meats and cheese.

As you approached, the dark haired woman appeared in the Veranda door, followed by a blonde man, who nodded a greeting. 

"Y/N, right?" The woman said and smiled at you. "Have a seat, make yourself at home."

She must have noticed the surprised look on your face, because she grabbed a bottle of wine and while she filled your glass she said,

"I'm Darcy. My husband, Fandral." she nodded towards the blonde. "Great mystery that he loves to be, Loki's probably not even told you our names - whilst he mentioned _yours_ about ten times on the phone last night." 

She smirked, glancing over at Loki, who let Pippa slide off him so that he could take the seat next to you.

"Anyway, I'm intrigued." Darcy said and winked at you.

"As am I." You answered.

Loki was indeed a mystery to you. As the evening advanced, you relaxed into Darcy and Fandral's hospitality, and watched in wonder as yet another side of Loki unfolded before you. At some stage, Pippa climbed onto his lap and nestled up to him, while he cradled her gently in his arms as he laughed and talked. The tender affection he displayed around this little girl was more than you could possibly comprehend. 

Earlier on Pippa had interrogated you about everything and anything concerning you and Loki, until she had left looking rather content. Now, as she leaned against Loki and smiled at you, she tugged Loki's shirt to get his attention, which he offered her immediately.

"Is Y/N your _farfallina_ , Loki?"

He was taken aback a little, looking down at her.

"What was that, _dolcezza_?"

"Doesn't a _farfallone_ need a _farfallina_?"

There it was again. The light blush that crept on Loki's cheeks. 

Darcy giggled which caused Loki to turn and narrow his eyes at her, and it made you curious. 

"What does it mean? _Farfallone?_ " 

You asked and Fandral chuckled, while a wide smile spread on Darcy's lips. 

"It's a nickname."

" _Farfallone_." Pippa said. "It's a butterfly that flutters from flower to flower to drink nectar."

Darcy tried to hold back a giggle, and Loki's mouth twitched into a smirk, the red on his cheeks deepening a little.

"Why don't you come and help me with the dishes?" Darcy said and rose.  

You looked at her, mildly confused, but then decided it was worthwhile following her. 

" _Farfallone_. Loki has had this nickname for a long time now. Pippa thinks it's cute, but really, how do you explain to a six year old what " _playboy_ " actually means?"

" _That's_ his nickname?"

"Oh, I hope I didn't spill anything you didn't know. You seem like someone who sees straight through him."

_Yeah, you wished._

"We've known Loki for a long time. Fandral and Thor went to school together and we met at college. After Loki ... well, when Loki started owning his club, he earned himself that name. And I dare say, Fandral's had a reputation at college, but Loki's a whole different calibre, so I'm really glad he finally found someone to stabilise him a little."

_Oh._

When you placed some dirty dishes in the sink and Darcy pointed to the dishwasher. 

"Don't worry we got technology here. Anyway, it's nice to see him tamed."

"I - I don't think that -"

She took you in. 

"Are you about to tell me that you're really just _friends_?"

"Uh, well, yes, I guess so."

Darcy shook her head. 

"What is wrong with this boy?"

"Maybe _farfallone_ is not interested in finding a _farfallina?_ "

You offered. 

"Not interested in finding a  _little butterfly_  he can stay with, instead of fluttering from flower to flower, you mean?"

It was your time to blush. 

"Well, the best way to find out is to --"

"I am taking Pippa to bed, maybe we should retire soon as well."

_Speak of the devil._

Loki stood in the doorway with the sleeping girl in his arms. Darcy looked from Loki to you, then she took the plates you were holding off you. 

“Why don't you go with him? You guys take the guest room upstairs. Loki knows the way.”

She winked at you before she turned to load the dishwasher.

 

***

 

Loki dropped his bag onto the floor next to the door and started digging around in it for his toothbrush, while you stood and stared at the bed that sat in the middle of the room.

“Uhm, Loki?”

“Hm?”

“There is only one bed in here.”

He rose, the vanity bag in his hand, and looked from you to the bed and then back at you.

“Very perceptive, kitten, I must say you impress me.”

He smirked.

_Of course, he would._

“I am not going to sleep in the same bed with you.”

“Fine. You can sleep on the floor.”

He deadpanned, put some toothpaste on his toothbrush and started brushing his teeth over the small sink next to the door.

You glanced at the wooden floor and considered the option. Then you considered arguing. Then you remembered you had passed a couch in the lounge.

“There is a couch in the living room. I will sleep there.”

“I wouldn't recommend that.”

“And why wouldn't you?”

“Because Aquila sleeps on there.”

“I don't mind sleeping next to a dog.”

“He's very possessive of his couch.”

“I have learnt to deal with possessive personalities.”

Loki rinsed his mouth.

“Y/N, listen to yourself. You are being childish, don't you think? I mean, what is the worst thing that could happen?”

You glared at him.

“Well, go ahead then. Sleep on the couch, if you have the need to be stubborn.”

Loki rolled his eyes and started unbuttoning his shirt.

_Well, what was the worst thing that could happen?_

“Wait, what are you doing?”

“Getting ready for bed.”

He pulled the shirt off his shoulders and you were distracted for a few seconds by an up close view of the flawless skin that stretched over his lean muscles.

“But you – you - you usually sleep naked.”

You bit your lip still staring at him.

“I am planning to.”

His answer was as casual as the way his hands reached down and started to unbutton his jeans.

You spun around, facing away from him.

Loki chuckled.

“We're adults, darling, it's not like you have never seen a nude man before, I believe?”

You heard him slip out of his pants and drop them on the chair beside the bed. There was another rustle of fabric.

“You can turn around now, I have my modesty sheet on.”

You turned around and looked at him entirely gobsmacked.

“Are you expecting me to sleep in the same bed with you while you are completely …?"

“Well, considering that we are business partners and friends - nothing more - you should not have a problem with it, right?”

_Damn this man._

“I won't get under the same cover with you - if you're _naked_.”

“Would you stop saying that as though it was the most appalling thing in the world? Because judging by the way you look at me, it is not.”

“I'll take the floor.” You answered brusquely.

“Say hello to the centipedes and cockroaches from me.”

“ _What?!_ ”

“They come out in the dark.” Loki grinned. "Kitten. Don't be ridiculous. What am I going to do? _Devour_ you?” You blushed at that suggestion and Loki smirked. “Or maybe you are afraid of what _you_ would do to _me_?”

“Stop it."

"Here is a sheet and a quilt on top of the sheet. Why don't you use the quilt, since I am already occupying the sheet? Then you do not have to share." 

You took a deep breath and Loki smiled before he turned to his side, away from you. Giving you some privacy. 

_Well, at least the bed was king size._

You rolled your eyes at your thoughts. A bed fit for _King_ Loki.

You really were unsure if it this was a good idea ... 

_... but, well, what would possibly be the worst thing that could happen?_

 

*** 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOH! that was a mean ending. hehehe...
> 
> ps: If my Italian readers find any corrections - feel free to let me know :)))


	17. The Devil to pay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First of all thanks for all the comments and enthusiasm!!! It's been a lot of fun writing this, and I apologise for typos etc lately. Been moving house and work has been intense, so writing is kind of my outlet. And relaxation, however, it often happens late at night, when my brain has already turned off .. so bare with me.
> 
> Let's see what Loki gets up to...
> 
> ... just giving you a tiny little warning beforehand .... there is some drama on the horizon

_What would you do if my heart was torn in two_  
_More than words to show you feel_  
_That your love for me is real_  
_What would you say if I took those words away_  
_Then you couldn't make things new_  
_Just by saying I love you_

_~Extreme, more than words_

The smell of coffee and fresh bread roused you from sleep and brought your awareness to the waking world. For a while, you lay with your eyes closed, listening to the soft chatter of people coming from outside. They sounded happy. A smile tugged on your lips.

That was nice.

Cheerful people first thing in the morning.

You felt much too relaxed to open your eyes yet, enjoying the peace and the warmth of Loki's chest against your back. His breath tickled your skin in a most soothing way and when you stirred a little, a strong arm tightened around your midriff.

That was nice too.

Waking up in Loki's arms.

_Wait. What?!_

Your eyes snapped open and your hands immediately went to check if you were still wearing your clothes.

_You did._

You wore your full set of day clothes from yesterday.

There was a lazy purr behind you, the arm retracted slowly from your waist as Loki rolled onto his back.

“Good morning, kitten.” He said groggily, his voice rough from sleep. “Don't panic, I have not done anything that I am certain you would have enjoyed thoroughly.”

You turned around to look at him, taking in his ruffled hair and sleepy smile that lingered on the corners of his mouth. His eyes were still closed and he looked very – _content_. He must have felt you staring, because one of his eyes opened to gaze at you.

“You look rather delightful early in the morning. Who would have guessed.”

You backed away a little.

“Was that a compliment?”

A low chuckle rumbled through his chest.

“I guess so. It's early and I am not quite awake yet.”

He brought his hands to his eyes and rubbed them, before he stretched and propped his head up on his hand to look at you.

“How did you sleep?”

_Really? A casual how did you sleep?_

He had just woken up spooning you – _naked_ – well, there was a blanket and a quilt between you, but anyway – and he acted as if nothing had happened?

Well - actually -  _nothing_  happened.

Maybe you were simply overreacting.

“I slept ok.”

He laughed.

“Judging by the way you nestled up against me, purring in the most delightful ways, you slept _more_ than ok.”

You glared at him.

“I did no such thing. I went to sleep on this side of the bed. It was you who moved over here.”

“Well, to be honest, I think we met in the middle somewhere.”

You blushed.

“Is the thought of sleeping in my arms really so horrifying?”

You shook your head.

“Come here, then.”

He patted the spot next to him on the bed.

You shook your head again.

“You are an insufferable woman. Do I have to make you cry again?”

You looked at him and narrowed your eyes and then you moved, slowly closing the distance between you.

“That's my girl.”

Loki purred and let himself drop back against the pillows, so that you could lay against him.

You leaned your head on his shoulder and before you could do anything else, two strong arms wrapped around you and pulled you flush against his chest, keeping you there in a loose, yet unrelenting embrace. One hand wandered to the back of your neck, while the other came to a rest on your lower back, thumb lazily stroking over the fabric of your dress.

Your face was pressed into the crook of his neck, basically forcing you to take a deep breath of Loki's scent and to feel the softness of his skin.

_God, his skin really was as soft as it looked._

A small purr escaped you and elicited a chuckle from the Michelangelo masterpiece next to you and the fingers on the nape of your neck started stroking your skin ever so gently.

You felt the warmth of his body under your hand, which lay on his chest in an almost defensive way, ready to push him away in case he made a wrong move.

But frankly, what _wrong_ move could he make?

Why were you so eager to push him away, when all you wanted was – _this_ **.** _Exactly this._

Because you were falling.

Falling for a man who scared you.

If his outer beauty had intimidated you in the beginning, the beautiful being that was hidden underneath all those layers of sass, arrogance and recklessness _literally_ scared you.

You knew that if you fell you would fall hard.

You remembered the domestic version of your dark god that you had experienced last night.

He seemed so perfect. So utterly flawless.

_But he wasn't, was he?_

_That was the tricky thing._

“Stop thinking, kitten.”

Loki moved his fingers in small circles over the skin of your neck.

You relaxed, allowing the weight of your body to sink against him, you focused your attention on the sensations his closeness brought. You let your hand wander slowly over his chest, exploring the softness of his skin, tracing an angry scar that ran down the middle of his sternum. You nuzzled your face against his neck, inhaling his scent with every breath.

_Cool, fresh forest air._

He calmed you.

 _If_ you allowed yourself to relax with him.

You wondered what he would do, would you press your lips against the sensitive skin of his neck. How he would taste, if you let your tongue run over it, licking off the salty perspiration. What noises would he make, would you nibble your way further down?

_Holy mother of god. This man was so beautiful._

And you could not believe that you were so timid around him, could not believe that your hands were not roaming all over his body, because you would have loved to push that _modesty_ sheet down to reveal at least that delicious looking six pack you had gotten a rather good view of last night.

_What was it about him that made you so hesitant?_

Even if he had no romantic interest in you, which you were starting to doubt, he would without doubt be an outstanding lover. Why could you not simply let go and enjoy yourself? Enjoy _him_?

Why could you not simply nibble on his skin, sink your teeth in that soft place in the crock of his neck and leave your marks all over his body. In all those places you wished to explore.

You pressed your face against him, hiding the blush, he was unable to see anyway.

_Why were you so afraid of crossing that line?_

_Just do it. Do it._

The creak of the door startled you when it opened suddenly, and your first reflex was to pull away from Loki, but he held you firmly in place, allowing you only to turn your head to see who entered.

“Dolcezza.” Loki purred and you spotted the little girl, Pippa, in the door with a bright smile on her face.

“Buon giorno, _farfalle_!” She said and hopped on the bed without hesitation, climbing right up on top of Loki, who growled softly, and then she proceeded to give the two of you a big hug.

It made you laugh.

“PIPPA! Didn't I tell you to leave them alone?” Darcy's voice came from downstairs, a soft chuckle betraying her amusement. “Come down here this instant, give them some privacy!”

Loki oofed when Pippa accidentally pushed her knee in his stomach as she made her descent from the bed.

“Breakfast is ready. We are sitting outside.”

She said sweetly before she pulled the heavy door shut behind her.

Loki heaved a sigh and allowed you to pull away from him.

“Guess we better get up. We have to be on our way soon to make the meeting at 2pm.”

You watched him as he sat up with his back to you, let your eyes roam over the muscles of his shoulders and back as they moved under his skin when he stretched. He really had no shame when it came to displaying his body and you were rather _shamelessly_  staring at him.

You just could not take your eyes away when he rose from the bed. You let them rest briefly on those two dimples you had a glimpse of in Switzerland already, before you allowed your gaze to roam over the soft curves of his buttocks down the back of his thighs.

He truly was a piece of art.

Loki moved over to the chair to collect his jeans and pull a clean blue shirt out of his bag.

“Are you not wearing any underwear?”

It slipped out without thinking, obviously betraying the fact that you had been watching him – _and_   had noticed there was no underwear in his hands or bag.

Loki turned around and your eyes, that had been focused on studying his behind, snapped up to his face, which - you were not surprised to see - had a wide grin on it.

“Not in jeans, no.” He seemed to consider his answer for a moment, but you were sure, he was simply stalling to show off his chest and perfect lean six pack a little longer. “Most of the time I go without, actually.”

_Oh, god, this man!_

You felt the heat not only rise to your cheeks but pool between your legs as well.

_You imagined him climbing back onto the bed, like a predator closing in on his prey, and devour you right then and there._

_Shit_.

Now you were going to have phantasies about him.

In an attempt to figure out if your cuddle session had affected _him_ in the same way and if he had any inclination of _devouring_ you,  you let your eyes drop lower, but Loki, _for once_ being decent, held his bunch of clothing right in front of his manly pride, so you could not actually make out - anything.

“You sure, you do not want to join me in the shower? I feel bad for interrupting your _anatomical_ _studies_ by leaving.”

There was a smirk and a wink, but his question was placed so innocently that it brought a smile to your lips.

“Tempting, but no.”

_Oh. Silly girl. You silly, silly girl. Why'd you say no???_

“Right. You can use the ensuite here, I will go downstairs and take a shower in the guest bathroom.”

“The  _guest_ bathroom?”

“The bathroom that goes with the two guest rooms downstairs.”

“There are _guest_ rooms _downstairs_? I thought this was the only ...”

Loki laughed softly.

“Kitten, consider the size of this place. Of course there is more than one guest room.”

You shot him a glare.

“You knew? And you let me sleep here with you?”

“I only followed orders of the lady of the house. She suggested this room, didn't she?”

“ _You_!” You picked up a pillow and threw it at him, but he dodged it easily and chuckled before he disappeared downstairs.

 

***

“Did you sleep ok?”

Darcy asked way too innocently when you came downstairs, showered and dressed.

“Fine.” you said. “And _nothing_ happened.”

She put her hands on her hips and looked at you.

“What do you mean – _nothing_ happened? You shared a bed with a super hot – probably _naked_ – _godlike_ man, who is known for his virility - and – _nothing_ happened?”

You crossed your arms over your chest.

“Nothing.”

“You mean, he did not even try to kiss you or anything?”

“Well, he wanted to cuddle.”

Darcy rolled her eyes and said something in Italian that sounded like a prayer of desperation.

“What is it with you two?”

“Maybe we just don't fit?”

“You adore him, it's written all over your face, sweety.”

You felt the heat rise to your cheeks.

“I just don't understand why he hasn't ...”

“Maybe he's not into me - ever occurred to you?”

She quirked an eyebrow.

“Is the Pope Catholic?”

“Look, Darcy, whatever it is you're hoping for, Loki and I are really _just_ friends. Ok, maybe we cuddle and, yes, I am attracted to him – I mean, he is attractive - anyone would be attracted to him - but as good as it feels to be in his arms, it's best to keep this platonic, because frankly, I don't trust him _not_ to break my heart at the next best opportunity, so --.”

“Y/N --” Darcy started, trying to get your attention, but you decided to pay her no heed.

“What I am trying to say is that Loki is _not_ what I am looking for – I mean, not that I am actually looking for anyone – but Loki's not the kind of guy I would fall in _love_ with. I would never be happy in a relationship with him, because he's not made for this kind of thing. He's just not relationship material. I don't need good sex, I need someone who lasts. Loki and I have no future.”

_Was that really how you felt? Were you that scared of him hurting you?_

When you looked up at Darcy, her eyes were wide and you noticed they darted from you to – someone behind you. So you turned around.

Loki stood in the doorway, hair still dripping, his face unreadable.

“Loki -”

The corner's of his mouth twitched and he laughed softly, avoiding to meet your eyes.

“No need to apologise. You're absolutely right.” He cleared his throat. “I am not _relationship_ material, so it is probably wise not to trust me. It is nice though to know that you feel good when you are in my arms.”

The full extent of your words hit you.

“Loki, I – I do trust you.”

Loki waved it off.

“We decided friends, business partners, nothing else, and I always intended to keep it this way, so do not worry. If I had any other interest in you, I would not have merely cuddled you. I am sorry, if I misled you with my teasing. I guess, I was – curious to see where you would draw the line.”

He ran his fingers through his wet hair and laughed an awkward soft laugh, before he turned to leave the kitchen.

“I will be down for breakfast in two minutes, Darcy.”

He said as he disappeared upstairs.

Darcy stared at you.

“Shit. I am sorry.”

“Don't be. At least you can see now that _friends_ is all we are.”

“No, darling, your words _hurt_ him.”

You shook your head, but were not actually sure anymore what was going on in Loki's head. 

“You heard him, he's not - why would you think that?”

“I saw it in his eyes - before he put up that impenetrable mask.”

“Darcy, ...”

“Loki has never brought anyone here before. As a matter of fact, Loki never brings any of his "girls" to meet his family or friends, and he hasn't made any _friends_ for years.”

“Maybe I'm just - lucky?”

“No, you're different. He cares for you. I've never seen him let his defences down with anyone but friends and family.”

_Then why would he not simply say - something? Anything?_

When you walked out of the kitchen, Loki came downstairs.

“Loki?” He halted in front of you. “I am sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you with what I said.”

“Don't be silly, kitten. You were merely speaking your mind and it is the truth. I am not – a _good_ person, and certainly not someone you would want to spend the rest of your life with.”

His eyes were the frosty blue of glacier water as they glanced at you tinted with a hint of sadness and your heart clenched at his words.

_W-what?_

"Loki, if you feel - if you felt - would you tell me?"

He brought his hand up and stroked the back of his fingers over your cheek.

“Let's go have breakfast. We need to be in Milano by 2pm.”

  
***

 

The two days in Milano flew past, filled with visits at fashion designers, a show, two dinner parties and business meetings, that Loki requested you to attend. He did not let you out of his sight the whole time you were there, and even though you were somewhat flattered, it confused you to no end.

He was sassy as always, but you could feel that he also kept his distance. Although you noticed that Loki would tentatively touch you - like put a strand of hair behind your ear, stroke your cheek or place a hand on your back when you were at a dinner or reception - he seemed _careful_ rather than seductive, more the gentleman he was in Paris than the Italian Casanova.

You arrived in Vienna on an overcast rainy morning and went straight from your hotel to a reception in the Palais Ferstel to meet a couple of clients there. The place reflected the magnificence of the bygone Empire, it looked like straight out of a fairytale with its rich gold decorations, velvet chairs, ceiling paintings, marble floors and enormous crystal chandeliers - a reminder that the now tiny country had been an empire merely a hundred years ago. As you watched Loki move through the crowd with elegant grace, he looked verily like a king or a prince, who mingled amongst the guests of his royal party. 

Loki was bent on showing you some of the city, so you walked back to the hotel through the central city, passing the royal palace, the opera house and the gothic cathedral. The afternoon sun appeared through the clouds and you could tell that Vienna had its own charm with the little lanes and beautiful old buildings. Loki pulled you into a small bakery and bought an assortment of sweets and pastries to take back to the hotel. It made you smile. He really had a sweet tooth.

In the evening you attended the _Fete Imperiale_ , the summer ball in the famous Spanish Riding School, which was apparently a good place to meet all sorts of politicians, celebrities and big shots of any kind. To be honest, you would have been more interested in seeing the special white horses, rather than attending another social event, but you were out of luck. For this one special evening, the hall of the Riding School would be turned into a ball room - and the horses would be happily asleep in the stables. 

You pulled out one of the evening dresses Nigel had given you and slipped it on. It had an elegant low v-cut in the front and the fabric cascaded down the sides of your back, leaving it entirely bare, then flowed into a long flared skirt that almost touched the ground. Tiny gemstones sparkled all over the fabric.

Sexy and elegant.

"Do you think this is too daring, Loki?"

He looked up from his phone and his lips parted slightly as if to say something, then he closed them again.

"I guess that means yes? If you don't like it, you might as well tell me now, I don't want to listen to your complaints all evening. I will feel out of place already, so..."

"It is - fine. I mean, it will do fine. I mean. As a dress. For a ball."

You cocked an eyebrow and walked down the steps towards the car that Loki was standing next to, holding the door open for you.

"I was not going to change anyway."

You slipped into the backseat and let Loki get in on the other side. His eyes fell on the necklace you wore, the teardrop he had given you for your birthday, before they rested on the low cut neckline of your chest. 

He cleared his throat and looked out the window. 

While it filled you with a kind of pride that King Loki was evidently distracted by your outfit more than he liked, it also made your heart a little heavier.

_This was all it took to get his attention? A sexy dress?_

 

***

 

The ball was in full swing when you arrived, Loki and you mingled amongst the guests until you excused yourself to go to the ladies room.

You could not quite believe your eyes, when you spotted a familiar face in the crowd on your way back to find Loki.

“Steve?”

He turned around, the surprise on his face changing into a sheer delight as a wide smile spread on his face.

“Oh my god, Y/N!”

“This is unbelievable! God, Steve, it's so good to see you!”

You fell around his neck, giving him a tight hug and laughed. Steve gave you a good squeeze in return before he let go of you and the two of you looked each other up and down.

“ _What_ are you doing in Austria?”

Both of you said at the same time and burst into laughter.

“I am here with my boss, he's a big shot lawyer and we're doing a socialising tour – kind of. What about you?”

You could not believe you had run into one of your old friends. Steve and Bucky had been like brothers. You first met them when you moved to New York and what started as a party acquaintance quickly blossomed into a deep friendship. 

It was after Bucky's death that things changed. Steve had been one of the passengers in the backseat that night and after spending months in hospital to recover, he accepted an assignment in Europe and moved. You had not seen him since.

God, he looked good.

His blue eyes were even brighter against the tanned skin, the sandy blonde hair cropped short as usual. He wore his festive uniform and you noticed that it had a few more decorations than the last time you had seen him in it. Both Bucky and Steve were in the military and you had discovered that there was something rather sexy about uniforms when you saw both of them all decked out for the first time. 

You'd had a light crush on Steve for a while, which actually surprised you because Steve was not exactly your type. He was much too _proper_  for your liking.

Well, he was pretty much perfect in every way. A gentleman, always polite, always bent on doing the right thing. 

Far too _boring_ for your liking.

Funny, how this seemed to be exactly what you were looking for now.

Didn't you say that to Darcy?

That you wanted someone who lasted. Someone you could rely on. Someone like – _Steve_.

“You look – _breathtaking_!”

He took your hands in his and stepped back to take you in and you twirled a little to make the flared skirt swirl around you, showing off your dress.

“Thank you. You look good as ever in that uniform." You winked and he grinned. "Now, tell me, do you live here now?”

“It's a temporary assignment. I work with the embassy, so it's my duty to show up at social events – and here I thought this would be another one of those boring evenings.”

The smile widened again.

“I just cannot believe the coincidence. Would you like to dance? I've never been a big fan of classical dancing, but Viennese people are big on it, and I'm finally getting the hang of the waltz.”

Somebody cleared their throat rather loudly next to you.

“I believe the lady has promised her first dance of the evening to me.”

Steve turned to Loki, smiled and let your hands go to extend his hand towards him. Loki merely glanced at but did not shake it.

You rolled your eyes.

“Uhm, Steve, this is my boss, Mr Odinson. Loki, this is Steve, a friend.”

“Nice to meet you, Mr Odinson. Loki?”

“Mr Odinson will do fine.” Loki growled.

_Jesus! What an earth had him in such a bad mood all of a sudden?_

“Sure.” Steve said and frowned as he turned back to you.

“Shall we?” Loki offered you his hand.

You glared at him, but laid your hand in his.

“I'll be back, Steve, don't run off. We need to talk.”

He grinned and nodded, before Loki pulled you away.

“I won't be far off, I'll keep an eye out for you.”

You heard him say as Loki pulled you through the crowd.

"Loki, what the hell are you doing? I promise if you don't deliver me back to him after this dance, you'll be in trouble."

Loki laughed softly.

"Empty threats."

He reached the dance floor and turned to face you. 

“Can you waltz?”

“Haven't done it since I was at art school, but yes. Waltzing is all about leading though. So, if you, my dear, are _not_ a strong leader, it won't work.”

“There is no need to worry about that.”

He adjusted your posture, took your hand in his and placed his other hand on your back, keeping you firmly in place, while you rested your own hand on his upper arm. It was oddly enticing to feel his touch on the bare skin of your back and it soothed your anger a little.

“Loki, what the hell was that you were pulling off with Steve?”

“I don't know what you're talking aobut. Now keep your eyes on mine.”

You glared up into his eyes and when he nodded, you stepped your left foot back as he took a step forward and the two of you started twirling around the dance floor amongst the other couples.

The intensity in his eyes captivated you.

“It is said that the true test of a perfect waltz is for it to be so swift, so delicate and so smooth, that a candle flame will not be extinguished in the hand of the lead dancer.”

His ocean eyes were delving into yours as he spoke and the fact that you were upset with him seemed to slowly slip your mind.

How in god's name did he do this?

“You think that this dance is all about leading, but to dance the perfect waltz, it requires the perfect partner.”

You could not deny that Loki was incredibly sexy as he spoke with his low voice and eyes locked on yours.

“I never knew you were so passionate about dancing.”

“Not _dancing_. It's the waltz that fascinates me – I think the waltz is very _sexy_. Did you know that in 1901, when everyone in society would normally dance in figures of eight or sixteen, with your partner to your left or your right, it was only in Vienna that people danced in pairs. You danced face to face, chest to chest with your partner. Those crazy Viennese, who were rebelling against the system, they invented the waltz.”

“I never knew that.”

“How did you learn to waltz?”

“I went to art school in Austria and I spent some of my childhood in Europe.”

“You are European?”

You shook your head.

“I kind of don't belong anywhere and at the same time, I belong everywhere. I was born in Europe, but we moved a lot. I lived in so many places I lost count.”

“I thought I noticed a slight accent.”

He winked, then his features went soft, which did not make his eyes less piercing.

“You look extraordinary lovely tonight, I missed the opportunity to tell you that earlier, I believe.”

Now, that was _unexpected_.

“Thank you.”

“Now tell me, who is that man that you were throwing yourself at with such enthusiasm?”

"Is that why you are paying me compliments? To bribe me into giving you information?"

"Is it so hard to believe that I would say something nice without ulterior motives?"

"It is. Most of the time."

"Well, this is a rare moment of exception then. Tell me about the soldier. I can literally feel the righteousness surging through his veins. Thor would love him."

“Steve and I are old friends.”

“He does not look that old to me.” Loki smirked and you rolled your eyes at him, which made him snigger softly.

“We met when I moved to New York. Bucky, Steve, Peggy and I used to hang out together.”

Loki frowned.

"Bucky, your friend?"

"Yes."

“Steve and you - you were a couple?”

“No, we weren't together. I had a crush on him, but he and Peggy had a thing going on.”

“I see.”

“I haven't seen him since he moved to Europe after Bucky's death. Last I heard was that he is stationed on a military base in Germany. We used to be close, so it's nice to see him again.”

You felt Loki's fingers tighten on your back. 

"Loki, we have an evening off tomorrow, so if Steve is free, I'd like to go out for dinner with him."

"We need to prepare things for St. Petersburg."

"I'm aware, but I've pretty much relented to all your needs, Loki, and you know I am taking my job seriously - can you not let me have this one thing? I haven't seen him in years. I'd like to talk to him about- about Bucky."

You were unable to read the look in Loki's eyes.

"I need this. Please."

His eyes flicked between yours as if searching for something and then he brought you to the edge of the dance floor and slowed down. 

"Fine. Go."

Was all he said and you stared at him for a moment, not quite believing it.

"Go. Find him, before I change my mind. I will meet you back here in an hour. That's all the time you have, so you better hurry. And don't worry about tomorrow. I can work on the basics and we will do everything else on the plane."

"Thank you."

You leaned forward and pressed a kiss on his cheek before you disappeared in the crowd trying to find Steve.

 

****

***

 

You were late.

It was almost 7.30pm by the time you left your room.

Steve had planned to pick you up at 7pm, but you had taken a nap and stupidly forgotten to set your alarm, so by the time you woke up, you knew you would not make it before 7.30.  

Steve, of course, had been polite as ever saying that since he had not seen you in years, he would be fine waiting for another half hour.

Fair enough.

You had told Loki you would be leaving at 7pm and would not be back until late.

You pressed the button to call an elevator to your floor and waited.

Loki had gone out to meet a friend and you had not really given _that_  much thought, until one of the elevators dinged and the doors opened to offer you an unobstructed view of a woman, tightly pressed against your dark god, one hand on his crotch while her lips were devouring his. 

Startled, you took a step back.

_You really were cursed with bad timing, weren't you?_

The elevator next to it dinged at that very moment and without thinking you fled into it, frantically pressing the button to close the doors.

As you turned away you caught a glimpse Loki's face, his blue eyes widening as he spotted you.

“Y/N!”

To your relief the doors already closed and the elevator moved.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. 

_Fine. It was fine._

You _knew_ that this would happen sooner rather than later.

This was exactly, why you were grateful that you were friends - nothing _more_.

This was exactly why you were afraid of falling for him.

In a way it was a relief that your fears had been confirmed. 

 _Farfallone._  

Darcy was wrong. Loki enjoyed those different flowers far too much to settle for an ordinary butterfly like you. 

And who could blame him? He was unabashedly beautiful. And aware of it.

Your phone rang and you switched it to silent as soon as you saw his name flash on the display.

_Why did he even bother calling you?_

When you stepped out of the elevator, you pressed the off button and slid your finger across the screen.

_There. That would give you some peace during dinner._

Steve was waiting for you in front of the hotel and you placed your arm in his when he offered it.

"Is everything ok?"

"Yup. All good. Where are you planning to take me?"

He smiled.

"I thought we could hang out at home, it's more comfortable."

You nodded and he opened the car door for you to get in.

 

***

 

You ended up sitting on the couch, nipping on red wine and listening to some of your favourite songs you used to play in the car together. 

It had been an emotional, but also healing evening. By allowing the memories to resurface and talk about them it felt as though another weight had lifted off your shoulders. 

"Where is Peggy? I expected her to come to Europe with you."

A pained look crossed Steve's face.

"She did not want to leave the States - and her family. We had planned it all and then, she - she quit."

"She quit? I am sorry, I really am. I also mean that I wasn't there for you. I just felt so bad. I always thought the two of you were the perfect couple. You must miss her."

"I do. Even after all this time, I still do."

You put your hand on his arm and squeezed it. 

"Have you spoken to her?"

"Not in a while." 

Steve rubbed a hand over his face, as if trying to smooth out the frown he was wearing.

"What about you? Have you found someone to share your life with?"

You shook your head.

"I was quite happy living by myself, out at the beach. I have a good friend out there, you would like him."

"You _were_ quite happy?"

You took another sip from your wine then placed the glass on the coffee table.

“I'm - I've got a crush on my boss. And he's probably the worst person to have a crush on. God, Steve, why do I have to be so _pathetic_?”

“You're not pathetic. You're wonderful ... and beautiful."

You glanced into his blue eyes and bit your lip.

Steve played with the glass in his hand.

"He's not worth it, if he cannot see that. I can see why you're attracted to him, but you deserve someone who cares for you. Who values you."

The image of Loki and that woman in the elevator flashed through your mind and you felt your eyes fill with tears. 

_He clearly did not value you. Or care for you._

_For heaven's sake, you truly were pathetic._

Steve wiped away a stray tear that had escaped your eye and rolled down your cheek. 

Then he sat the glass he was holding on the table. 

You sat there and looked at each other for a long moment, before he leaned forward and pressed his lips against yours. 

 

 

***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, don't kill me for this ... please?
> 
> ... and don't kill Loki quite yet....
> 
> You might have noticed a few Crimson Peak lines in here...  
> On a more fun note - if you haven't seen that interview where Tom speaks about waltzing on an AOL show, you should look it up. It's hilarious and adorable ... and will lift your mood!!


	18. He who sups with the Devil should use a long spoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok, here we go...

_I know you haven't made your mind up yet_  
_But I would never do you wrong_  
_I've known it from the moment that we met_  
_No doubt in my mind where you belong._

_~Bob Dylan, make you feel my love_

 

His lips were soft, his touch gentle, your own lips parted as they met them - and then you brought your hand up against his chest and pulled away.

_This wasn't right._

_Nothing felt right about it._

“Sorry, Steve, but I --”

Steve rubbed his face.

“No, I am sorry. I shouldn't have ...”

There was an awkward moment of silence.

“I guess, we're both hurt and lonely and we like each other – we _know_ each other – so this was bound to happen.”

You sighed and Steve reached forward to pull you into his arms.

“It feels so good to see you again, but I should have given you a hug to comfort you instead of a kiss.”

The awkwardness of the moment faded into a relaxed openness.

“You are the first woman I've attempted to kiss in a while. Maybe I'm out of practice?” He joked and laughed softly.

“You're not as rusty as you think.” You said, lightly patting his chest with your hand as you leaned against him. “I'm just not the right woman.”

“Or maybe I am not the right man for you. You really like him, don't you? Your boss.”

“I don't _want_ to like him.”

Steve laughed.

“He seems pretty arrogant and haughty, reckless too, is that what draws you to him?”

“He's a beautiful person, if you get a glimpse beyond the facade, but his character is twisted - I wouldn't call him a balanced personality - that's the problem.”

“What makes you think it's pathetic to fall for him?”

“Because I know I can't have him. Not the way I want him, at least. He's the kind of man who has lovers, not girlfriends and I don't want to be one of his flings. I want so much more from him than he is able to give, but I am just not able to be realistic about it."

You sighed and sat up to take another sip from your wine.

"He's a beautiful person. Soft, funny and caring when he wants to be and he's in the right space. Caring. Mischievous. Intense. Nobody has made me laugh and cry as hard as he has."

Your fingers went to the pendant around your neck. 

_He did care. In his own way._

_He had cared for a while, you just had not allowed yourself to see it._

"Sounds like you might be in love."

"I - I don't know. I'm in love with part of him, while I am terrified of the rest. I guess I just want him to be only the good things."

"If you love somebody you need to take them as they are."

"It's hard though if you never know what to expect. At the start of the trip we settled on being friends and business partners. But then I thought he -  well, we were getting closer, and I thought that he actually liked me, but tonight --" You closed your eyes as the image popped back into your mind and tried to chase it away. "Tonight, I saw him with another woman, and I shouldn't be bothered by it. But it hurts." You pressed your finger into the corners of your eyes to hold back the tears that were about to spill. "I can never tell with him, that's the trouble. He's so hard to read."

"Have you spoken to him?"

"About what?"

"Your feelings."

"It's complicated. He knows I am attracted to him, but I also told him that I don't want him in my life. For some reason the more I want him, the further I push him away. I think I am too scared to get hurt. Maybe I am afraid that he will get bored the moment he knows he can have me. That he will discover how ordinary I am." You paused. "I am scared that if I let myself go, if I gave myself to him, that I - I would give him all I have - all that I _am_. Nobody has ever had so much power over me, the thought terrifies me. I want to rely on myself, I don't want to be dependent on anyone else - even emotionally. I am not sure if I am ready for this. He's not the kind of man who's a safe choice. It would be like jumping into a bottomless hole, it would require a leap of faith to trust him."

"'Sometimes a leap of faith is the only way. It may not be the safer option, but it can bring you unexpected gifts."

 

***

 

 You walked into the suite without turning on the lights, pulled off your jacket and shoes and proceeded to walk to your bed room in the dark.

Loki's voice almost gave you a heart attack when you crossed the living area.

“Where have you been? It is 1.30 in the morning.”

You moved towards the wall and switched on the light, before you turned around to look at him. He was sitting on the couch, looking tired. You had decided you would speak to him tomorrow or at the next best opportunity. Which was _not_ now. Being tired was not the ideal basis for this kind of conversation, it only made you more sensitive, more emotional.

“Why are you still up?”

“I couldn't get hold of you. I was worried.”

You searched his eyes. He really looked tired.

“Did you sleep out here?”

“No. I have been sitting here for about three hours, waiting for you.”

“I said I would be late.”

“I did not expect you to be _that_ late. How was your – dinner - with Steve?”

 _How long could he talk to you without getting to the point, you wondered._  

“Delicious.”

His eyes narrowed as he regarded you, and you felt a rush of annoyance surging through your system. 

You could not believe that Loki was eyeing you up suspiciously for having dinner with an old friend, while he himself had been caught red-handed making out with a woman in the elevator.

"How was yours? As good as mine?"

You asked sarcastically, deriving satisfaction from the expression on his face.

“I skipped dinner.”

_Because you were busy ravishing that blonde in the elevator?_

The scene appeared before you and you felt your anger flaring up inside you. 

_You needed to go to bed before you said anything you would regret later. It was all still too fresh. If the conversation turned anywhere near the incident in the elevator, you would not be able to stay reasonable._

_Go to bed._

“You seemed quite busy when I left and I guess we'll have to do the work you were going to do tonight tomorrow on the plane, which means I'm going to bed now. I'm tired. Now that you know I'm home safely, you can do the same.”

You turned away towards your room.

“Y/N. What you saw – it wasn't what it looked like.”

_Damn it. Could he not have just let you go?_

"Really? Well, what do you think it looked like?”

You wondered what excuse he was going to come up with. 

Loki was quiet for a moment.

“It looked as though I was waiting for you to leave our room, so that I could pick up some pretty woman and enjoy myself with her?”

“Oh. It almost sounds as if you didn't _enjoy_ yourself then. I'm so sorry.”

“Kitten.”

"I think we've been over this. You don't owe me an apology, because you can do _whoever_ , _when_ ever and _wherever_ you want. You're not accountable to me. So, there's no reason to try and find excuses, is there?”

“She used to be one of my lovers, but it was not my intention to have sex with her when I brought her upstairs."

_Great. You're not making this any better for yourself, Loki._

"Hm. That's why her hand was between your legs?"

You glared at him and Loki furrowed his brow.

"I took her upstairs to discuss business with her --”

“Sure" you cut him off. "And when you were in the elevator, she pounced on you, ravished you and you just couldn't help yourself?”

_Damn it, you were really angry now. He should have just let you go. Was he making this up to make you feel better?_

"You don't believe me?"

“Do you realise how ridiculous this sounds, Loki? Why can't you be at least _honest_ with me? Just admit that you needed a good fuck.”

 He groaned and placed his head in his hands.

“I called out to you, I tried to explain it to you, but you turned off your phone. I am telling you the truth now, and you refuse to believe me. I can tell you're hurt and you're jealous - so why do you have to complicate things? God woman, you are so damn confusing!”

“I am confusing? I. Am. _Confusing_? You make me sleep in the same bed with you – _knowing_ I have feelings for you - and parade around naked showing off your perfect body - just to see where I would draw the line! You flirt with me like there's no tomorrow, you hold me like you truly care, you give me presents that are worth so much money it makes me nauseous, and when I turn around you are ravishing some woman in an elevator and tell me it was an  _accident??_  Do you think those things don't affect me? And _you_  have the audacity to tell _me_ that _I_ am _confusing_?”

The look on his face reminded you of a beaten puppy - his eyes were wide, forehead wrinkled in a frown, one eyebrow rose ever so slightly.

And it seemed that for once his tongue had deserted him.

Your heart contracted.

_Damn it! DAMN HIM!_

You wanted to put your arms around, tell him how much you cared for him, how much you wanted this - whatever it was - how scared you were of it - but that would just complicate things further, wouldnt' it?

Create more confusion.

_Say something, Loki._

You silently begged him.

_Please, if you care, then say something. Anything. Give me something to hold on to._

But he just sat there and stared at you, looking terribly guilty, so you averted your eyes and retreated to your room.

“Good night, Loki.”

You whispered as you pulled the door shut behind you.

 

*** 

 

Hela's phone buzzed impatiently and her eyes flicked from the breakfast and the steaming cup of coffee on the table, to her phone to see Loki's name flashing on the display. She glanced at her watch.

8 o'clock.

Then she reached for the phone.

“Hello?”

Her smoky voice was greeted by silence on the other end of the line.

“Loki? Are you there?”

There was an audible, heart-wrenching sigh.

“Honey, it's 2 o'clock in the morning over there. You should be tucked in and sleeping – or be busy with more _pleasurable_ things. You should _not_  be sighing into the phone as if the world was about to end. What's wrong?”

A soft groan, followed by more silence.

Hela waited.

“I messed up, Hela.”

“Messed up what, darling?”

“You know _what_. I've hurt her. Too many times. I can't do this. I knew it was a bad idea right from the beginning, but she kept coming back and then you and Thor – you, you put her into this – this situation with me - and I messed up – and now she's hurt and -”

“Ok, stop, Loki.”

He fell silent.

“Take a deep breath. And now tell me – _what_ happened?”

“It's complicated.”

“Was there ever a time in your life when things weren't complicated, honey?”

He groaned softly.

“I thought I was finally doing the right thing. I gave her space, did not push her, let her choose to take the first step. I took her to lake Bilancino and gave her so many opportunities to - to let her take the first step, because I actually thought she could like me. I - I don't know, I tried to be different with her. And then it turns out that she doesn't _want_ me. She said that she wants someone who can give her stability, someone who lasts. And you know, she's right, I will never be that person. I am not a good person, Hela, not anymore.”

“That's not true and you know that.”

“I'm broken."

"Loki, don't say that."

"I let her in, and it hurt. Badly. I don't know if I can do that again. I can't loose myself again, Hela." Loki's voice sounded terribly shaky. "I lost that part of myself when I lost _them_ …” He exhaled sharply. "And I cannot go through that again."

“Loki, I don't think she doesn't want you. She _likes_ you.”

“You don't understand, Hela. She's like - like a beautiful flower, so delicate and pure. I don't want to ruin her. I've already hurt her so many times unintentionally and she's afraid of that and I can't blame her for it.”

“How would you hurt her? What is she afraid of?"

"Other women."

"And would you --?"

"I haven't even had then slightest of interest in other women since she started working with me. She's absorbed my - my entire focus.”

“You love her?”

Silence.

“I take that as a yes?”

“Hela, I'm not sure if I can do this - I thought I could, because I want her so badly in ways that she may never understand – even I don't understand." There was a soft noise, like a sob, and Hela braced her head in her hand, fingers on her forehead.

"Oh, Loki ..."

He took a deep breath.

"I am not the person I used to be, I am not - _stable_.”

“You're a wonderful person, Loki.”

“What if she finds out about Ange?”

“For god sake, Loki, then _tell_ her.”

“I can't.”

“Loki, it's been thirteen years, don't you think it is time to move on, honey?”

She spoke softly, choosing her words carefully.

“I – I don't know if I can do this. I don't want to hurt her.”

Hela sighed. Well, it was at least a step in the right direction that Loki had decided to call her and talk about it. In general he completely avoided talking about his deeper feelings and fears.

The fact that Loki had tolerated Y/N's presence had been so promising, and Hela had hoped that she would be good for him, that he would be able to open up to her. 

_God, why was her little brother so hard on himself?_

Because he had been through hell.

Not once, but several times in his life.

Hela loved Loki more than anyone in her family, even more than Thor, who was her real brother, by blood-relations. But Thor had always been able to look after himself, while Loki - Loki had always been the one who needed care. Needed protection. She had loved him from the moment her parents brought this tiny little thing with the raven tuft of hair into their home. 

"This is your little brother now, he is very sick and he needs much of our love to make him well."

Her mother had said, and Hela had asked if she could hold him. Back then she had not understood what adoption meant, or genetic disorder. She had just decided that Loki was absolutely adorable and that she would take good care of him for as long as she was alive. 

"You can do this, Loki."

Loki kept quiet. 

Another call came in on Hela's phone. 

“Hold on, Loki, honey, I got a call on the other line. Don't hang up, I'll be right back.”

“Hello?”

“Hi, Hel- uh Ms Odinson? It's Y/N.”

“Hela's fine, darling. How are you?”

Her voice was smooth, not betraying her surprise or the fact that Loki was on the other line.

“Uh, ok, I guess.”

“It's quite late over there – or rather early, isn't it? Is anything the matter?”

“I – I just wanted to let you know that I'm quitting.”

“Quitting?”

“The job. I wondered if you could transfer enough money into my account to buy a flight back to the states? I will reimburse you of course.”

“Wait. I am not hearing anything from you for two weeks and then you give me a call and tell me you're quitting? You're a problem solver, girl, not a quitter. I am sure you can handle whatever it is.”

“You said I should call you when I can't handle things myself, didn't you?”

“Yes, but I meant so that we can  _solve_ the problem, not run away from it.”

“Well, I am – I think this problem cannot be solved.”

“I have never encountered a problem that cannot be solved, darling.”

Hela's voice was soft and encouraging.

_Heavens, when had she started becoming a matchmaker?_

She rolled her eyes.

“Y/N, I have a call on the other line which I need to get back to. Can I call you back in a few minutes or will it have time until tomorrow morning?”

"Just call me when you are free, please. I'll stay up."

Making sure, that the girl had hung up, Hela switched back to Loki.

“Loki?”

“Hm?”

“Guess who was on the other line.”

A long pause followed.

“Y/N?”

His tone was wary.

“She wants to quit the job, honey, what _exactly_ did you do?”

There was a long moment of silence.

“She may have seen me in the elevator with another woman?”

“I thought you haven't been seeing anyone.”

“I'm not. I haven't been. It was a misunderstanding. One of my old liaisons and she was not happy that I showed no interest in her. We went up to my room to discuss her husband's business and she totally took me by surprise. And, well - when a woman reaches between your legs and sticks her tongue into your mouth, you react first and think later." He heaved a sigh. "I did push her off me, but by that time it was too late. Y/N had already seen us.”

Hela chuckled.

“Did you just tell me that Mr _Sex God_ was molested in an elevator by one of his lovers?”

“ _Ex_ -lover.”

“Hm.”

“This is not funny, Hela.”

"So, just explain the situation to her then."

"She doesn't believe me. She thinks I am lying."

"She doesn't seem like an insensitive person to me. Why would she not believe you?"

"It wasn't the first time she walked in on me."

"That girl seems to have impeccable timing. So, was that other thing a misunderstanding as well?"

"Yes, and no. It was Sara."

"Sara? I thought you had stopped whatever was going on between the two of you. She is a toxic person, Loki. Too possessive and using _you_ to her advantage - for a change." 

Loki groaned again.

"I know, it was a mistake."

"You would do good to fire that little bitch, Loki. Find yourself a secretary who's not into trying to manipulate her boss by fucking him. They're the only trustworthy ones. I really do not understand why you are so attached to her. Anyway, you're telling me that Y/N doesn't believe you anymore? Is that what it is?"

"She probably thinks I am a monster. That I have no feelings or conscience."

"Well, some part of you doesn't, little brother."

“You are not making me feel better, sister." He moaned. "This woman will be the death of me, Hela.”

“Listen, Loki. I'll get her to stay. Bring her to mum's place, let her meet the family, romance her - and be honest with her - about everything.”

"I do not wish to _persuade_ her into liking me."

"For god's sake, Loki, she _likes_ you already, otherwise she would have never lasted that long. But you need to give her _something, a_ nything to hold on to, if you want her. Do you want her, Loki?"

There was a moment of silence, before Loki's soft voice found Hela's ears.

"I do. More than anything." 

After Hela had hung up, she rubbed her forehead. Solving relationship problems for her little brother had not been on the schedule today. Why did things with Loki have to get so complicated once they involved feelings?

Because he had a sensitive soul.

Nobody would ever guess, if they met him now.

But Hela had known him for his whole life. Seen his weaknesses, his strengths, seen him blossom into a tender-hearted and beautiful boy. She had seen him suffer, seen life crush him mercilessly, watched him struggle and go insane. And she had managed to help him get back on track and lead a relatively normal life.

He deserved someone who saw him for who he truly was. Saw the beauty under all the twisted, warped masks he wore. 

Hela hoped that this girl was ready to endure whatever was needed to get through to her little brother. 

She just hoped that if those two would ever get together, it would be a “happily ever after” - because the thought of being a divorce lawyer for either for them terrified her slightly.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... let me know what you think!
> 
> I think Hela makes an awesome older sister :)


	19. Out of darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .. right ...

_Somebody tell me_  
_What has this man got_  
_He makes me feel_  
_What I don't wanna feel_

  _On solid ground_

 _I feel myself sinkin' fast_  
_I grab a hold_  
_But I don't think it's gonna last_

 

_I'm slowly losin' my ground_  
_Slowly sinkin' down_  
_Trapped by this thing they call love_

_~ Denise LaSalle, trapped by a thing called love_

 

Your alarm went off for about the tenth time with merciless determination to rouse you from your well-earned sleep.

You groaned.

You deserved this. You needed to regenerate.

Too much emotional drainage and way too little sleep.

You had been on the phone to Hela for an hour last night and of course she had convinced you to stay - since you had less than a week to go. You and Loki were flying to St.Petersburg today, staying there for two days and then going straight to England from there, for another two more days. Five more days.

You would survive five days.

She never asked you what your unsolvable problem was, but you knew her smart enough to figure it out, especially because she mentioned Loki a few times too often, making sure to emphasise that he was unpredictable, but not heartless, and if there were any misunderstandings between the two of you, he would surely make an effort to resolve them if given the chance.

_Yeah, right._

You dragged your legs out of the soft warm bed placing your feet on the wooden floor. You heaved a little sigh before you rose and sauntered into the bathroom to take a shower.

The warm water felt good, it was as though it dissolved the last residues of last night's wariness. 

At least you had told Loki what it felt like for you. That you did not appreciate him playing with you. That it hurt seeing him with other women.

He had looked so guilty. So lost.

You placed your hands on the cold tiles, closed your eyes and leaned right under the spray of water.

_Maybe he had even told you the truth?_

You had been too tired, too hurt and too angry to consider it.

Still, even if a woman would try and take advantage of him, he wasn't helpless, was he?

But then, you weren't a guy. They were more instinct driven than women and you knew that most guys were actually quite helpless in the face of being seduced.

And yet, what if he had told the truth and it had been an accident? What did it change? What did you really want from him? 

_Everything._

_But he wouldn't be able to give you that, would he?_

You sighed. A leap of faith. That's what Loki was. 

You towel dried your hair and slipped on a light cashmere sweater and tight leather pants, put on your favourite Prada boots and fastened Loki's necklace around your neck, allowing your fingers to rest on it for a moment.

_He did care._

_He cared for you in his own way._

The way he had looked at you last night, so devastated and heart broken.

Maybe this was just as difficult for him as it was for you.

And you were not entirely guiltless of the situation either, weren't you?

Darcy said that she had seen the hurt in Loki's eyes when he had overheard your conversation. You should have talked to him about it.

_But he said that he was merely testing how far he could go, to see where you would draw the line. Didn't he?_

You glanced at yourself in the mirror.

Did you not know by now that he acted defensive when he was hurt? That he would say one thing, but feel something else entirely? Loki was not good talking about his feelings, or admitting he was hurt.

_What if you really had hurt him?_

_What if all the things he had done since Paris, he had done to let you know that he cared for you?_

You took a deep breath and started packing your bag.

Why then did he never attempt to get any closer to you? Even when you were in bed with him, he never attempted to kiss you, never did anything to show you that he wanted to go further.

_Maybe because he knew that it would have terrified you? That you would have pushed him away?_

You closed your eyes.

_What if he had not wanted to initiate anything, because he waited for you to take the first step?_

_He wanted to give you a choice - give you space?_

_Oh god, you had never considered this, had you?_

_You had been trapped in your insecurity and fear. Afraid to be hurt. Always trying to take the safe road by blaming the other person._

You lay your head against the door and took a deep breath.

_Were you ready to face him yet?_

_What would happen when you did? Would he be withdrawn? Or open? Would you be brave enough to tell him what you were feeling?_

You opened the door.

The living area was empty when you entered it.

A silver tray sat on the dining table, hiding breakfast under its cover and there was a rose on your empty plate, with a small note underneath it. You picked the flower up and brought it to your nose. It was fragrant.

And it was your favourite colour.

_How did he even know?_

_Perception, kitten. It's all about paying attention._

You could hear his voice in your mind.

You hesitantly picked up the note, admiring Loki's beautiful handwriting for a moment before you read it.

_I am sincerely sorry for having hurt you and I am almost certain that my face would be the last thing you wish to see first thing in the morning, so I decided to work in a client's office and will meet you at the airport at 1pm._

_Enjoy the peace._

_Loki_

_PS: _I organised a car to pick you up from the hotel at 12.30. Text me when you are at the airport.__  

You bit your lip. You read over the note again.

His apology sounded sincere and he was giving you space.

You lifted the silver lid of the breakfast tray and glanced at the items under it. Practically all your favourite breakfast items.

He was definitely making an effort. 

Just as you sat down for breakfast, your phone chimed.

_TONY: Everything ok? Haven't heard from you in a while. Will I see you at Natasha's tonight?_

You picked up your phone, slid your finger over the screen and scrolled through your contacts.

“Frida! That was prompt!”

“Hi Tony.”

“Has Lucifer released you from your shackles?”

“You could say so.”

There was a pause.

“Are you ok? Not that I am usually very perceptive when it comes to girl's feelings, but you don't sound - ok.”

You sighed.

“Things are complicated.”

“Yes, you've mentioned that before. Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I – don't know.”

“Is he treating you ok?”

“He is – well, I – it's complicated.”

“Girl, if he's not treating you well, you better tell me, I'm itching for a chance to break his nose.”

“I'm not a damsel in distress, Tony, I'm flattered though that you are so protective.”

“My pleasure. So, what did he do?”

“He – I – I caught him with a woman. In the elevator.”

There was a long silence on the other line.

“Son of a bitch.”

“He said it was a mistake, it wasn't his fault.”

“You mean he tripped over and tangled limbs with her by accident?”

“I know it sounds ridiculous, but I - I think he's actually telling the truth. He did try to explain it, I just did not listen.”

“He's an idiot. And here I thought we were somewhat on the same level of intelligence.”

"At least, you finally admit your'e similar." You said smugly.

"Apparently I'm volatile, self-obsessed and don't play well with others. Yes, Loki and I have a lot in common, but I'd use a better excuse to save my neck if I got in trouble because I'm cheating on my woman ... not that I would consider doing that ... that's why he's an idiot. Complete idiot."

You smiled. Tony had a thing for making you feel better. 

"I am not his woman, Tony."

"He acts like you are."

"But he - he hasn't even kissed me - god, I can't believe I'm actually discussing this with you of all people."

"Can't believe it either - that he hasn't kissed, but it proves my theory."

"What theory?"

"That he's in love with you, little dim-wit. I'd be too scared to kiss a woman I'm in love with, because it is quite likely one of the most terrifying things one has to face."

You chuckled. 

"Well, my advice for you - kiss her. Go for it _before_ she leaves you. I'm so tired of this _not_ knowing."

"You need to talk."

"You'd think we'd be able to, considering we spend almost 24 hours a day in each others presence, but somehow we never get to the point. I think he's trying to give me space and I'm too afraid to take the first step to save me the rejection."

"He's not going to push you off his bed, if you're in it."

_No, he definitely didn't when you were in it._

"What is it  _you_ want, Y/N?"

"That's the thing - I don't know. I just don't know. I was going to quit and go home, but Hela talked me into staying. It's only five more days - St Petersburg and England. Maybe I can figure out what I want by then? I don't like being so emotional and weak. He's constantly on my mind, even when I don't want to think about him. I hate to be dependent."

"You're almost more of a control freak than me. You're afraid?"

"I swore an oath to myself _not_ to make my life dependent on other people anymore."

"And I swore off dairy, but then Ben & Jerry's named a flavour after me. So ..."

You laughed. 

"Stark Raving Hazelnuts."

"Not bad, huh?"

"A bit chalky."

Tony laughed. 

"The two of you will be at Natasha's ball tonight?"

"Yes."

"I'll think of something. Come up with a plan."

"A plan for what, Tony?"

"To make him kiss you. If he's a good kisser, you should definitely keep him - if not - well, c'est la vie. Ditch the devil and go out for dinner with the mad scientist."

"You're crazy, Tony. In a good way."

"That's why you love me, Frida. Look forward to seeing you tonight."

 

 ****

 

You spotted him in the departure hall of the airport, looking the usual tall dark and beautiful, while he waited by the security entrace.

When he saw you approaching, a wave of relief washed over his face.

“You came.”

Loki breathed and you raised an eyebrow.

“Did you expect me _not_ to?”

“I was not entirely sure what to expect, to be honest.”

“Loki, we need to talk.”

His gaze dropped to the floor briefly, before his blue eyes searched yours again.

“Let's get on the plane first.”

You did not speak when you settled into the seats opposite of each other and fastened your seatbelts. While you looked out the window, you felt Loki's eyes on you the entire time during take off, and when the plane had reached the travel altitude you turned to look at him. If it was possible, his gaze held intensity and tenderness at the same time.

Loki undid his seatbelt and rose to come over to your side and stand in front of you. You had to tilt your head up to look at him.

“Close your eyes.”

He ordered with a soft purr and you obeyed without thinking. Then you flinched when you felt the touch of silk against your skin a moment later.

“Loki, what are you...?”

“Shh.”

He wrapped his tie around your head to blindfold you just like he had done in the taxi in Rome.

His fingers ghosted over your skin, down your neck and arms to your thighs, which he parted so that he could kneel between them.

You shivered as you felt his warm hands resting on your thighs, and his narrow hips touching the insides of your knees.

“Tell me what you want, pet. What do you want from me?”

He whispered huskily, as his fingers lifted from your thighs and started unbuttoning your blouse.

You gasped at he touched his lips to your collarbone. Very slowly Loki pushed the strap of your bra down over your shoulder, a soft moan left his lips as his tongue flicked out to lick the skin at the base of your neck, before he nibbled his way to your shoulder.

You mewled.

_Oh god. This felt ... so good._

“My kitten.”

He growled softly and cupped your breasts with both hands, the heat from his touch rushing through your body like an electrical current. A loud moan escaped you and you tried to squeeze your thighs together in an attempt to relieve the pressure that was building quickly. It elicited a soft chuckle from the devil currently kneeing between them.

"So impatient."

His words made you quiver and more heat pooled between your legs. 

_How could he do this? Just with his voice?_

Loki's thumbs brushed over your taut nipples that were still covered in thin lace, before he squeezed your breasts and pushed them up to burrow his nose in the soft flesh, letting his lips and tongue caress your gentle curves. You felt his hot breath through the lace as his mouth moved over one of your nipples and held your breath in anticipation, when a sharp pain shot through you as he bit down.

“Loki!! What the --”

But your words were lost the moment two nimble fingers pushed the lace aside and Loki's mouth closed over the now sensitive bud to soothe the pain with his tongue.

_Ohmygodloki._

"Loki.” you whispered.

“Kitten, we are almost there.”

He said softly and you mewled.

“We are about to land, you need to sit up, darling.”

Loki's soft voice brought your awareness back. Back to the fact that you were on the plane with him, about to land in St Petersburg, wrapped in a soft blanket with your head resting on his thigh, while one of his warm hands gently caressed your shoulder to wake you.

You felt heat rise to your cheeks as you pressed your thighs together to relieve the ache between them.

_Oh, god._

You actually just had a wet dream about him.

While you were sleeping in his lap - well, probably _because_ you were sleeping in his lap – so close to whatever he was hiding in his pants.

You could not believe that even in your dream, making _love_ to you – he had been an _ass_. He _bit_ you for crying out loud!

You exhaled sharply.

“Are you alright?” Loki asked innocently while he rubbed his fingers over your shoulder, which sent another jolt of pleasure down your body.

“Uh - yeah. Just – sleepy.”

You shivered from his touch and he retracted his hand.

Hoping the flush on your cheeks had eased a little, you sat up, smoothed your hands over hair and fastened your seat belt.

"Did you sleep well?"

"I - uh - guess so."

You side-eyed him, not daring to face him as you could feel the heat creeping back to your cheeks. 

You could swear there was a smirk on his face as he turned away from you to look out the window. You closed your eyes and remembered his touch. And you remembered the conversation you had before you fell asleep in his lap.

 

 ****

 

“I almost quit last night, but your sister convinced me that I should stick through it for five more days, so I will. And I believe you - that whatever happened was an accident. But I – I can't work with you being – well, you having --”

“Me being involved with other women?”

“I know that I - I have no right to ask you this, but just for these last days, can you respect that? Can you just hold back until you're back in the States and I'm out of your life?”

“I've held myself back ever since we arrived in Europe. I haven't actually gone without sex for that long, so I guess I can persevere for five more days.”

_Oh._

“What about you?”

“What? What do you mean?”

“When was the last time you had -”

“I don't think that is any of your concern, Loki.”

_But it was a fair question, right? Why'd you have to be so defensive about it?_

“I didn't mean to - _nevermind_.”

“Two years.”

His eyes widened in disbelief and you quickly looked away. 

“ _Two_ _years_?”

"Give or take. I don't really go out that much to meet people and the last time was a one night stand - a terrible one. Complete failure." You shook your head at the awkwardness of this conversation. "Back then I decided that a relationship is more _fulfilling_  than sex."

"Hm. You clearly never had a skilled lover before."

"And I bet you think you would be _skilled_?"

"I would certainly try to live up to your standards - but since they seem to be quite low, I guess I would be able to surprise you pleasantly - in many ways."

_Geez this conversation was not going were you had expected it would go._

"What you said about not falling in love. Have you never had someone - anyone?"

A shadow of grief crossed Loki's eyes and he held your gaze for a moment before he glanced out the window. 

_He wasn't going to tell you. Too personal._

Loki cleared his throat.

"Once. Back then I decided that sex is - more _fulfilling_  than a relationship." He mimicked your words.

"I am sorry."

"What for?"

"That you were disappointed."

"It just did not work out the way we had expected it. When I found her in the arms of another I knew I was not made for relationships."

His tone seemed almost casual, and you realised for the first time that this was what he did. Play things down when he cared. 

You were not entirely sure what to say. 

"I know what it's like to walk in on someone, and I am sorry I hurt your feelings by exposing you to it. Twice." His voice had dropped to a whisper and he kept his gaze out the window. You dropped yours to your hands that were resting in your lap.

"Thank you. For being so open."

For a while both of you merely sat there in silence. It was odd how sitting in silence with Loki had never been an uncomfortable thing for you. 

“I like to feel you.”

He suddenly said and you glanced over at him in surprised. His voice was gentle when he spoke, but he avoided your eyes.

“I like it when you touch me and I like to hold you in my arms. And I mean not in sexual way. It – it soothes me, somehow, maybe that's why I crave it.”

_Uh._

“I like it too.”

Loki's head turned towards you and the somber expression on his face lightened. His mouth twitched into a small mischievous smile.

“Do you now? Then what is the reason for you sitting so far away from me?”

_Amazing, mind-boggling and dizzying how his mood could switch from somber and sad to mischievous in an instant._

“I could ask you the same thing.” You countered.

Loki took it as an invitation. He rose and let himself sink into the seat next to you, leaning back, never once loosing your gaze. His eyes narrowed.

“You look exhausted.”

Loki finally said with genuine concern then he patted his thigh.

“Why don't you rest until we get there?”

You looked at him, then at his thigh. Was he actually suggesting you put your head there?

"Don't kittens like to sleep in people's laps?"

His tone far too smug, but you were already completely lost in the gaze of his eyes that penetrated yours with renewed intensity.

"What is _this_?" You gestured between the two of you.

"Friendship? ... with the hope of benefits?"

"I don't know ..."

He placed a finger on your lips. And for a moment, as his eyes dropped to were his finger rested, you thought he would lean forward to kiss you, but then he raised his eyes to yours.

"Stop thinking. There is no rush." 

Was all he said. 

You wrapped up in one of the soft blankets and gave him another questioning look, before you placed your head on his thigh. You thought you heard him purr, and then his fingers gingerly touched your hair and you felt yourself relax.

_This is what I want. This._

“What do you need, kitten?”

“This. Just this.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed that ... well, maybe not quite what you were hoping for, but at least a step in the right direction?
> 
>  
> 
> Tony fans will recognise some of his lines ;) as not originated from my pen. 
> 
> and the last line is a reference to the story "Chemical". Love that story - it is beautiful, wild and tender. 
> 
> .. there's a few more hidden references to movies with Tom, like the title and the song at the start...


	20. Unlucky devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking longer to update - life's busy at the moment. :)  
> Thank you all for your enthusiasm and support!!!

_Bein' good isn't always easy_  
_No matter how hard I try_  
_When he started sweet-talkin' to me_  
_He'd come'n tell me "Everything is all right"_  
_He'd kiss and tell me "Everything is all right"_

_~Dusty Springfield, son of a preacher man_

Loki and you entered the suite and you pulled off your shoes and walked into the living area, dropping your bag on the coffee table.

“Ok, I guess we should get to work. Why don't you brief me on who we are going to meet this evening?”

When Loki did not say anything, you turned around. He leaned against the doorframe, eyes resting on you with a presumptuous gaze that elicited a pleasant ache between your thighs.

_Damm it._

_He did not even have to open his mouth to seduce you with his voice. It merely needed a glance._

_What was it about this man that made him so unbearable attractive?_

As if he knew exactly what was going on inside you, the corners of his mouth twitched upwards.

“Like what you see?” You asked cockily.

“Hm. Very much so.” The purr in his voice sent a shiver through you.

He pushed off the doorframe and slowly closed the distance between you to come to a halt in front of you - so close that you had to tilt up your head to hold his gaze. Hands in his pockets he gazed down on you and you felt yourself melt from the intensity in his gaze.

_Tease **.**_

_He was such a tease._

Loki chuckled softly.

“A penny for your thoughts, kitten.”

“You're a tease. A _vicious_ **** _tease.”_

“That's why you like me.”

“I don't _likeyou.”_

“No, your'e right, you don't like me.” He smiled smugly. “You _adore_ me.”

 _Ass_ _._

You wanted to say, but then you felt his hands on your waist as he pulled you close and the words got stuck in your throat.

Loki leaned forward to lay his cheek against your hair.

“I know.” He whispered. “I am an ass. But you even seem to like _that_ about me, don't you?”

He nuzzled his face against your hair and snaked his arms around you, purring contently as your body melded against his. Your hands came to a rest on his hips, but you were unable to move otherwise. Stunned by his closeness. Paralysed by the pleasant sensations it aroused in your body.

“Too close?” He asked softly.

“No.” You said bravely.

“Good, because I am planning to get a lot closer than this. _Eventually_.”

You felt yourself melt inside at the enticing promise that lay hidden in his words, while at the same time your stomach knotted in fear.

“I'm – I'm scared of this, Loki.”

“So  _am I._ ” He whispered against your hair.

One of his hands found yours and his fingers gingerly grazed over the back of it before they intertwined with yours.

“There is no rush, kitten.”

Then he pulled away and took you by your hand, walking you over to the couch, before he pulled you down with him, lying on his side so that he could mould his body along your back as he spooned you. His arms wrapped tightly around your waist to keep you from falling off.

After an initial panic, you relaxed into his embrace.

“Yes, that's my girl. Relax.”

You closed your eyes. You allowed yourself to feel him.

_When had his voice, his gaze and his touch started to be so incredibly arousing?_

_Well, it actually had been since the beginning._

Since the first time he had smirked at you, gazed at you with this crystal clear ocean coloured eyes, the first time he had opened his mouth to insult you. 

He was the perfect mix of – _everything_. That was what made him so extraordinary beautiful.

And you craved this beauty. You had thought that you only wanted his good side. The light.

But now, lying in his arms, you know you wanted everything.

You craved his darkness as well as his light.

You never thought that you would find someone's dominant personality so very alluring.

The moment he had blindfolded you in the taxi, everytime one of the ridiculous pet names tumbled from his lips, every time he teased you, every time he was this arrogant ass, you felt yourself melt. You craved _him_.

It was as if he knew better than you what hidden desires lay buried deep within your being. 

And part of you wanted him to unearth them all - every single one of your hidden passions. 

You wanted to give him power over you, to see what he would do. How far he would take you.

This man was your greatest fear and you safest haven.

Trust. It is all about trust. You realised you truly trusted him.

Even though it terrified you.

Loki's warm breath fanned over the skin of your neck as he held you. _Felt_ **** _you. Loki was all about feelings._

Touch. Sensations. Emotions.

He simply did not express them in words.

The trouble was that ever since your dream, his closeness turned you on mercilessly, even when he simply lay there melded against your back.

“I am not going to do anything that you are not ready _and_ willing for.”

_Maybe that was the problem? You wanted him to touch you so badly. You just couldn't say it._

Because it terrified you. This overwhelming urge to surrender to him.

“Are you ok, kitten?”

_Apart from the fact that you were on the verge of passing out from him being so close?_

_Yes, sure. All good._

He loosened his hold on you.

“You need to tell me, when I am too --”

“It's fine, Loki. I'm – I'm ok.”

“I merely thought it would be more comfortable to go over things while I can feel you. It helps me to relax.”

_Well, it kinda does the opposite to me._

You thought and bit your tongue before you could say that his sudden closeness was overwhelming, because you did not want to risk giving him an excuse to be a gentleman and release you from his embrace.

“I guess, I am not used to – this. I just need to adjust to this new – _arrangement_.”

Loki chuckled.

“Arrangement? You sound like me.”

“I've been spending a lot of time with you, so I maybe it's rubbing off on me.”

He laughed against your hair.

“Maybe. Are you ready to do some work?”

You nodded.

“Ok, tell me what you know about Natasha.”

For the next hour or so, you lay in Loki's embrace, while he gave you names and you told him what you knew about those people, sometimes he would correct you or add something. Other times he would hum in agreement, always sending a little shiver down your spine when his breath tickled your skin. At one point his thumb started stroking lazily over the thin fabric of your sweater that separated his hand from the skin of your stomach, and you lost yourself in the sensation.

“Uh-uh." He tutted. "Focus, pet.”

“I can't when you are...”

“You can't allow yourself to get distracted this easily.”

_Easily?? This was anything but easy!!_

You cleared your throat and tried to focus, relaxing into his touch.

“Good girl.” He purred. His approval sending a jolt of arousal through you.

_How the hell did he do this?_

It was as if he sensed your need, because the hand on your stomach slipped under your sweater and a stifled mewl left your lips when Loki touched your bare skin, his fingers tenderly stroking your stomach.

“So soft.”

He purred and his hips moved gently against your backside as one of his legs slipped between yours. You instinctively pushed back against him, and he anchored his thigh firmly between your legs. 

“Oh my god - Loki.” You whispered and moaned softly.

“Hm. I like it when you call me that.”

_Smug bastard._

You moaned softly as the fingers of his other hand found their way to your throat, stroking your skin tenderly before they closed around it, squeezing it lightly.

Instead of panicking, you leaned your head back, exposing more of it to him and felt his breath hitch in your hair.

“My sweet little mortal pet. So – _perfect_.” His voice vibrated right into your ear. "So perfect for me."

He exhaled sharply and pulled away.

_No. NONONO. What was he doing?_

"We need to get ready, it is getting late."

_Need to get ready?_

_You needed some release, for god's sake. This man drove you crazy._

_How could he seduce you like this and then just drop it?_

You groaned and sat up.

A glance on your phone told you it was almost 7pm. You had been lying there for almost two hours.

You played with the thought of relieving yourself, as you watched Loki rise and saunter into one of the bedrooms. 

_Or you could just follow him into the shower._

You weren't _that_  spontaneous with a man who you had not even kissed yet. 

You took a deep breath and rose. 

Shower.

Dress. 

Hair and make up.

Just focus on the simple things. 

 _Don't_ think about Loki in the shower.

Just  _don't_ **.**

 

***

 

“You look surprisingly attractive in this outfit.”

Loki said with a smirk on his face, challenging you, as the two of you ascended the steps to Natasha Romanoff's mansion that was located at the outskirts of St Petersburg.

“And it seems you will always be an ass, Loki, no matter how good you look.”

Loki offered you his arm.

“Well, I am certainly glad we agree on something. My good looks that is.”

You rolled your eyes, chuckled and slipped your arm in his.

“Tonight will be the pinnacle of mingling and chatting, kitten, because quite a few of the guests are loyal clients of Odinson Law. A few of them have been with father's original company – Odin's Law."

He greeted a couple of people that walked past.

"Who do you think would be the most important clients present tonight?”

“Probably Tony Stark? I mean, apart from Natasha and Bruce.”

“And why would that be?”

“He is super-rich, doesn't work for any government and deals with weapons and security systems. He will always need a good laywer – unless he defends himself. He would be smart enough to do that.”

“And he has done so before, successfully. But he trusts Hela with his life." Loki paused for a moment before he continued. "It's highly likely that Stark will be trying to – to start some sort of dalliance with you just to provoke me.”

“Are you telling me that I am not pretty enough for other men to start dalliances with me just because they like me? Does it always have to be about you?”

You said teasingly, but Loki shot you a dark look and your smile fell. 

"Don't say foolish things like this, woman."

Loki's face softened as soon as he realised how harsh his words had sounded _._

“I'm sorry, kitten." 

Well, at least he was apologising.

"The clients in London have postponed all meetings to the end of the week, which leaves three spare days, so I am going to go to my mother's estate up North before returning to London."

_Oh. You remembered what he had said to Thor concerning the visit to his mother's place._

“As far as I remember, you were going to put me on a plane back to New York so that you would not have to look after me in your family home."

"It is a private trip and you do not have to join me, if you do not wish to.”

 _Crikey_.  _So - he was cuddling you, teasing you, seducing you – and now he was -_

"We'll say goodby in London then?"

Loki frowned and looked at you as if you had completely lost your mind.

“What I meant to say was – I meant to ask if you would like to join me. Meet my parents.”

_Ooh!_

When you did not answer, Loki straightened and his jaw tensed.

“You can return to New York, of course, if that is your wish. There is only one social event in London, the rest are business meetings, so there is no need for you to be there.”

"Loki?"

"Yes?"

“Do  _you_ **** _want_  me to come?”

“Did I not just say that?”

“Not - exactly.”

_Good god, did he seriously just ask you to spend time with him and his parents? Maybe he was taking this whole "thing" way more seriously than you'd thought._

“My mother would love to meet you.”

“You still haven't answered my question.”

“Of course I _want_ you to come, would I _invite_ you otherwise?”

“Why can't you just say it then?"

“I haven't invited anyone to my parents home for a while. It feels -  _awkward_." He rubbed his forehead. "But if you insist -" He slipped his hand over yours. "Would you like to meet my family?”

_He was nervous about asking you to meet his parents? Well, that was kind of cute. Far too cute._

“I would _love_ to meet the rest of your family, Loki.”

He exhaled sharply and brought your hand to his lips before he let it go.

You tried to hold back the excitement about this new development, but you must have beamed at him, because Loki's eyes softened and he offered you a genuine, beautiful smile.

"I take it that my little pet is pleased with this - _arrangement_?"

You slapped his arm in response.

The ballroom was filled with people when you enetered. Loki glanced around briefly before he led you through the crowd towards the side, where a bunch of people had gathered and you spotted a red-head in a long black dress in their midst.

Natasha Romanoff.

_Former assassin._

You took a deep breath and she turned that very moment, her eyes narrowing slightly as she took you in. Then her gaze wandered to the man on your arm and something akin to a smug smile tugged on her lips. She excused herself from the people she was talking to and approached you.

You could not help but admire her. She moved like a cat and the black dress she wore, snugly fit her womanly curves and even though it reached all the way to her ankles, when she moved you glimpsed some bare skin, thanks to the long slit on one side of the dress that exposed her leg up to her thigh.

_Sexy. Attractive. Dangerous._

But for some reason, she did not make you nervous - like you had expected to.

As she walked, she smoothly snatched two glasses of champagne from a tray as she passed a waiter, and offered one of them to you when she came to a halt in front of you and Loki. 

"Natasha.” She said and smiled. “I'm afraid we haven't had the pleasure to be introduced."

You had expected a Russian element in her speech, but could not trace any - she spoke with a perfect American accent.

“Y/N.” You answered, also smiling.

"My assistant." Loki added.

Natasha pierced you with her gaze, and you held it. She raised an eyebrow.

“ _Assistant_?”

She took a sip from the champagne before she offered the glass to Loki, blowing him a kiss and when her gaze came back to you, you narrowed her eyes at her.

_This woman was clearly gambling her life._

A smile spread on her lips.

“I had expected you in the company of your sister, not an attractive and evidently intelligent woman, Loki.”

Natasha's eyes were still locked on yours.

"I have no interest in him, darling, I merely wanted to see how you would react. His - _assistant_ , hm?"

She took the champagne off Loki again and winked at him.

"I'll bring her back shortly. I hope you don't mind."

Loki shook his head glancing at you with a small smile on his lips.

“As long as you are fine with it?”

Natasha had already hooked your free arm in yours and you let go of Loki.

“Sure. I'm - fine.”

_Leave me alone with a former assassin, Loki. Sure, that's entirely fine with me._

There was the devious little smirk you knew so well as he leaned in to whisper in your ear.

“You will _like_ her. If she doesn't murder you with the next thirty minutes it means she likes you too.”

You shot him a death glare and Natasha pulled you away from Loki's side.

You weren't entirely sure what to make of her, so you decided to let her talk and see where this was going. 

“I love your dress, _galubushka_. Maybe we could do some shopping together, next time I'm in New York? Tell me your name again?"

"Y/N."

"I've never seen Loki with an assistant before. Heard he scares them all off."

"Apparently he has."

"So, you're special then? How come you did  _not_ run off? Not easily scared, are you?"

"Maybe not."

"I take it you know about my past?"

"I do."

"Does it not worry you in the least to know that I have taken lives? Killed people?"

_Blimey! She sipped on her drink so casually, as if she was talking about the weather._

"It – does."

She looked at you with soft smile.

"So sincere. Honest. No wonder he's intrigued by you. What do you do? Are you a lawyer too?"

You shook your head.

"No way. I'm an artist."

“An artist?”

Natasha's eyes lit up.

"What kind of art?"

The genuine interest she had in your work let yourself relax a little.

"I paint. Mainly large size canvases."

"Modern or classical?"

"Intuitive. I draw what comes to me, but it's figurative not abstract. _Visual_ arts - not stage and performance arts like you teach at your school."

"I also teach _martial_ arts." She said smugly then she chuckled. "There's no need to be tense around me, darling. I liked you the moment I saw you on his arm. I've never actually seen him show off like this. So proud and yet so full of affection. You make him look even more sexy, darling. How long have you been together for?"

"We're not - uhm, together."

She raised an eyebrow. 

"You're kidding me?"

Natasha downed her glass and put it back on the tray of a passing waiter.

"He wants you, it's written all over his face – and not just for sex that's as clear as day."

_Really??_

You frowned.

"He parades you around like a prize he's won, so how can you not be together? You're just having sex?"

_You blushed. Jesus, did she have to be so direct?_

“Uh. No sex, no.”

Natasha shook her head, looking rather disappointed.

"And here I thought I'd finally get to know if he was truly as good as he lets on."

“As good?”

“In bed, darling. He's a tease and a show off. I wanted to know if it's all just hot air – or if there's some truth behind the urban legends about  _Casanova_.”

“Oh.”

She laughed softly.

"Sorry, darling. I know I'm too nosy, but you were clearly jealous when I offered him the glass I drank from – so you cannot pretend you have no interest in him, can you?"

_How was it that everyone seemed to see what was going on between Loki and you - except for - well - Loki and you?_

"I guess, we had a bad start. It's kind of complicated."

"You like him - he likes you - doesn't seem complicated to me, _golubushka_. Judging by the way he claims you as his, you should be happily producing little raven-haired Laufey-sons and daughters by now."

" _Laufey_?"

"Oh. If he hasn't told you, I should probably keep my pretty little mouth shut."

"Hasn't told me what?"

She side-eyed you.

"About his family background."

"His – his family background?”

_What the hell did that mean?_

" _Boshe moy_ , I'm gonna get myself in deep trouble with this, _golubushka_."

Natasha gave you a careful look of consideration, as if assessing the situation.

“I wouldn't want to get in his bad books by spilling family secrets.” She stated.

“He doesn't tell me much about himself."

“And there's a reason for that, darling.”

_Uh-oh. Ok. That didn't sound good._

You realised you were about to get involved with a man you knew _nothing_ about. it must have shown on your face.

“I can see you're overthinking. Don't worry, it's not as bad as you think.”

_Really? It sounded worse by the minute._

You must have looked worried, because Natasha frowned at you.

“Darling. It's nothing bad. Loki was adopted. His real name is Laufeyson – or rather Laufey's son, the nickname he is known under in organised criminal networks. The name gains him a certain kind of respect, because his father was a legend. The Al Capone of Europe you could say.”

_Wait. What? Organised criminal networks? Al Capone?_

"Loki's father was a --?"

“Criminal mastermind, yes. Brilliant.”

You stared at her blankly.

Well, that was surprising new information that you were not entirely sure how to process, yet.

Natasha sighed and shook her head.

"I shouldn't have said anything. You seem like a sensitive person, I'm just not very subtle sometimes, I'm sorry."

She put her arm around your shoulders. 

"I can see that you need something a little stronger than champagne to digest what I just told you."

Natasha pulled you over to a bar and ordered vodka shots for the two of you.

"Drink."

You downed the first one and shuddered. After the fourth you felt the heat spreading through your limbs and started to relax a little. You also felt your inhibitions drop away.

“You're telling me that Loki's the child of a -”

“Criminal mastermind” she filled you in.

“-- and that he was adopted by one of the most powerful lawyers in Europe?”

“Well, guess _what_ made Odin so _powerful_?”

“Oh, my god.”

“Yes, I think you're on the right track.”

“He _convicted_ Loki's father?”

“And became famous – and feared. Laufey was hard to pin down. Involved mainly in white-collar crime, stealing billions from companies and always too smart to leave evidence behind. But he became power hungry and started making mistakes. One of them was wanting a family – an heir for his little empire. Apparently his wife was brilliant too. Odin was on their heels for years until Laufey finally made a fatal mistake that enabled Odin to expose him. Laufey and his wife were convicted and found guilty. The tragic side of the story is that by that time, they had a baby son.”

"Loki."

You felt the colour drain from your face and Natasha ordered you another vodka.

"Ironic isn't it? That the son of a criminal mastermind is working for one of the most powerful law firms."

You downed the vodka without hesitation.

_It made sense - why Loki was so good in finding loopholes._

“You said he is known by his other name in criminal circles. Wouldn't that mean he has a lot of enemies?”

“There are always enemies in this business. There will be always be those who are jealous or afraid. The name actually brought him more respect than enemies in these circles. It's kind of like you're a living legend – and people know he's brilliant. Just applies his talents differently.”

You frowned.

Now that the first shock had worn off, and the vodka had dissolved your rigid mental constructs of what was _good_ and what was _evil_ – you thought of your dark god and felt a pang in your heart.

You couldn't imagine being adopted.

Or what it would be like to find out that your parents weren't your true parents. 

Would you be angry? Shocked? Terrified?

And to find out that your parents were criminals - and that the person responsible for putting them behind bars was your own father … You closed your eyes.

_Jesus Christ._

You could not even begin to imagine how you would feel.

You wondered how this knowledge would also influence your personality.

At Darcy's he had said that he wasn't a good person. Was that what he meant by that?

There was a light tug on your arm and you opened your eyes and looked at Natasha.

"Y/N, meet my husband - Bruce."

You pushed the information you just received to the back of your mind to revisit later, in a quieter moment. You weren't sure how Loki would feel about you knowing either. It worried you a little, but you focused on the man who had appeared next to Natasha, looking surprisingly humble and ordinary compared to the pretty read-head assassin.

He pushed his glasses up and extended his hand, offering you a gentle smile.

"Hi. Nice to meet you."

He said in perfect American.

“Hi, my name is Y/N. Do all Russians have perfect American accents?"

_Geeze, your tongue was on the loose again._

Bruce laughed shyly. 

"I  _am_ American. Tash is the Russian – her past required her to speak foreign languages fluently - and accent free."

Natasha hooked her arm into his.

"My service in the KGB. Spies were trained in languages. That's why most of those movies have it wrong. Spies with Russian accents – how ridiculous is that?” She rolled her eyes in an overly dramatic way that made you giggle.

You were really warming up to her. _Literally,_ judging by the Vodka level rising in your blood.

“Contrary to what I was taught about Americans though, I discovered that there _are_ intelligent specimen amongst them.” She winked and pressed a chaste kiss on her husband's cheek. “Bruce is one of them." 

Then her eyes wandered and came to a rest on someone behind you and she raised her hand to wave at them.

"Oh, and there's yet another one."

You turned around to see who she was waving at. 

Could have guessed, really.

“Tony! Come meet my new friend.” Natasha called out.

_Friend?_

Well, you had to admit, you liked her, and it was nice to have some bad-ass-girl-company after two weeks of alpha male dominance.

Tony sauntered over to join your small group, a large smile spreading on his face as he recognised you.

"Bruce, Tash. Y/N."

Natasha seemed delighted by the fact Tony knew you. She gestured between the two men.

"They're science buddies. Once they start talking ' _tech'_ , I usually leave the house to do something fun for a few days - it can take a while for them to emerge from the lab. But, tell me, how do you two know each other?”

"We met in Paris. Tony was trying to seduce me with his charm, when that didn't work he tried coffee - then a tour of Montmatre."

"Which was evidently a complete waste of my talents, as otherwise this beautiful woman would be on _my_ arm tonight instead of - hey, where's Lucifer?"

"I abducted her." Natasha smirked.

"And he let you?"

"I'm a former assassin, Tony, the boy knows when he's playing with fire."

She winked at you. For some reason Bruce, who had been quiet so far, picked up on the conversation.

"So, you're Loki's girlfriend? I thought something was different about him. He seemed much more balanced."

Tony smirked and you shook your head.

"Bruce considered Lucifer a psychopath when he first met him.” Tony said nonchalantly nodding at Bruce. “What did you say again? _'That guy's brain is a bag full of cats.You can smell crazy on him.'_ That was before Natasha broke the news that Loki was their lawyer."

You laughed and Bruce shrugged his shoulders.

"He's growing on me.” he offered apologetically. “It took a while, but I'm actually starting to like him. So, how long have the two of you been together?"

You sighed.

"It's complicated."

You, Tony and Natasha said at the same time - making Bruce look at you as if all three of you were insane.

"Well, darling, I think you better go and reunite with the object of your passion before he's going to lay waste to my abode in search of you. I've been keeping you far too long, I'm afraid.”

Natasha leaned forward and kissed both of your cheeks.

“That's the Russian way of greeting.” She said and smiled. “I'll see you tomorrow in the meeting.”

****

 

Loki and you spent the next tow hours mingling and chatting. You were growing more confident in his presence, and also more comfortable when his arm sneaked around your waist, or his fingers gently massaged your lower back, never slipping low enough to be inappropriate, but low enough to entice you into wanting more.

You spent some time talking with a young couple, Pietro and Wanda, twins, both prodigies Natasha had tucked under her wing, and at one point they pulled Loki and you onto the dance floor – Wanda dancing with Loki and Pietro with you. You lost sight of Loki in the crowd, and when the song finished, Tony caught your hand and winked at Pietro, who left with a friendly nod towards you.

Tony looked around then he leaned forward, speaking in a hushed voice as if he was telling you a secret.

“All right, I have a plan. Or at least the beginnings of one. It's pretty simple. We draw him in, pin him down, get what we need ... You definitely wanna dance with the guy.”

You laughed.

“Get what _we_ need? You want to kiss him too?”

Tony pulled a face.

“No, of course not, I'm not into tall, dark and mysterious. Not guys at least.”

You smiled and a small yawn escaped you, you couldn't help it - you were exhausted.

“Are you yawning? In the middle of this, while I'm breaking it down? Huh? Did you hear what I said?"

“I'm sorry Tony, I'm just really tired and Loki's going to be pissed, if he sees us together.”

“Lucifer's just hypersensitive.”

“I need to tell him. I don't feel good about this.”

“You're such a sincere person, Alice, however did you stumble down that rabbit hole and land in the insanity of our world?”

_Wow, he really was creative when it came to nicknames, you had to give him that._

You smiled.

“So, how's the kissing progressing?”

Tony asked with a smirk and you blushed a little and shook your head at him.

“You're impossible. _Stark_.”

He grinned.

“Well, I had some ideas how we could enforce some romantic interactions between the two of you. Right, I do have a plan. A Plan A, B _and_ C - to be specific.”

You cocked an eyebrow.

“Well, let's see if any of them are any good. What's plan A?”

“I'll be the bad guy, you'll be the damsel in distress. I'll make him jealous, he throws me out of a window and you will lie in your hero's arms a moment later, with him kissing the living daylights out of you.”

You shook your head and chuckled.

“Stop being silly. Plan B.”

“Well, I did consider manipulating the elevator in your hotel and leave you stuck in there with Lucifer until he confesses and kisses you.”

“Not a good plan either.”

He raised his eyebrows.

“Really? I thought it was great! Tash and I could watch you over the security cameras – with popcorn and coke and all – maybe even pizza if he takes his time – better than reality tv.”

“You would totally do that, wouldn't you?”

“Absolutely. I could supply you the right romantic music. Like Cher's _'it's in his kiss'_ or Ed Sheeran's _'kiss me_ ' - well, maybe too cheesy? - personally, the classic ' _Kiss_ ” by Prince would be my favourite.”

Tony pulled away from you, made a dance move and then sang in a high pitched voice:

“You don't have to be rich to be my girl – don't have to be cool to rule my world – ain't no particular sign I'm compatible with – I just want your extra time and your – kiss!”

You laughed and pulled him back towards you.

“Ok, mad scientist – what's plan C?”

“It involves Natasha - and Vodka.”

“Natasha and Vodka?”

“Romeo, is not necessarily hard-drinking. Not like Thor or Hela – and we'll have a business meeting tomorrow. Natasha, myself and Darth Odinson.”

“You'll make him drunk? Not a good plan either. I'm not sure if you make a good complice in this, Tony.”

You laughed softly.

“Genius is never recognised by ordinary mortals.”

It made you laugh, because it reminded you of Loki.

Somebody cleared their throat behind you and you flinched when you realised who it was. You looked up at Tony, but he just offered you a guarded smile.

“Guess the dance is over, Lucifer's assistant.”

His tone was casual.

“I think it is time for us to leave.”

Loki stated, his tone surprisingly cold.

When you turned to face him, Loki's eyes were trained on Tony, whose face did not betray anything, but both of you knew in that moment that Loki was suspecting _something_.

“Good night.” you said quickly and pulled away from him.

A light touch of Loki's fingers resting on your back guided you through the crowd towards the entrance hall. Loki did not say anything.

You needed to tell him. Be honest.

“Loki?”

He did not respond, and the the way his hand dropped away from you as soon as you had reached the hall made you wary.

_How long had he been watching you and Tony? You had obviously enjoyed yourself. Had he overheard any of the conversation?_

_Tell him. Explain it all to him, when you're in the car. He'll understand._

You hoped.

Loki descended the steps down to where a limousine was waiting, he held the door open for you, but instead of getting in next to you, he held out his hand.

"Y/N, hand me your phone, please."

"What? Why?"

"Just do it."

You pulled it out of your bag and handed it to him and watched as Loki unlocked it.

"How do you know my code?"

"Observation and deduction."

He fiddled with it for a moment, then turned the phone around so that you could see the display as he held it in front of your face.

_Shit_ _**.** _

It showed Tony's name and number that was saved in your contacts.

"Care to explain why you have the _private_ phone number of a client in your cell phone? Along with a list of calls and text messages between the two of you?"

You looked at him and bit your lip.

_Shitshitshit! You should have told him._

Loki's lips tightened into a thin line when you did not answer.

"A client I _specifically_ ****asked you to stay _away_ from?"

He shoved the phone back into your hand and huffed.

"Loki, please let me explain. I was going to tell you."

He ignored you and leaned in to talk to the driver in Russian, before he shot you a glare and closed the door in your face. 

"Loki!"

You pushed the handle to open the door, but it locked automatically at that moment and the car started moving. 

_What the hell? He couldn't just send you off like this!_

You frantically typed his number on your phone.

_Nonono._

Of course, Loki did not pick up. You tried again.

_Please, Loki, please, pick up. Please._

You dialled Tony.

"Hello?"

"Tony! He knows. He sent me off in a cab and walked back inside. God, I should have told him. I should have been honest with him. I should have -"

"Shh. Y/N! Calm yourself. It's going to be ok."

"No, Tony, you don't understand.” Tears were welling up in your eyes.

_Just when you had thought that things were going well. This wasn't fair._

Then another worry washed over you.

“He – he wouldn't hurt you, would he?”

The realisation that you weren't actually sure what Loki was capable of doing washed over you in this moment.

You were falling for a man who had actually  _hurt_ others, and you weren't sure if he was capable of doing it again.

“He's not.”

“What?”

“Going to hurt me. I'm more worried about you right now, to be honest. I'll make it right. I promise. Just go to the hotel and stay there, ok?”

“Ok.”

****

 

 

This is for Vicky:

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hm... 
> 
>  
> 
> golubushka - is the equivalent to darling.


	21. The devil's own luck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the lovely comments!!!!! 
> 
> Enjoy :)

_How can I help you?_  
_Please let me try to_  
_I can heal the pain_  
_That you're feeling inside_  
_Whenever you want me_  
_You know that I will be_  
_Waiting for the day_  
_That you say you'll be mine_

_~George Michael, heal the pain_

It was 2.30pm when Loki walked into the hotel suite. You had fallen asleep, curled up in one of the lounge chairs in the living area, and the noise of the door falling into the lock woke you.

Loki just stood there. Hands in his pockets, a disappointed expression on his face.

After the driver had delivered you back to the hotel, you had tried to call Loki several more times. When you could not get hold of him, you had spoken to Tony, who had been unable to find Loki back at Natasha's residence. Your dark god seemed to have mysteriously disappeared after he put you in the car to send you back to the hotel.

"What are you doing here? I mean, in the lounge?"

He asked flatly. You straightened up in your seat, trying to clear the sleep from your mind.

"I - I was waiting for you. Where have you been?”

“I went for a walk. Needed to clear my head.”

“For three hours?”

“I walked back from Natasha's.”

“Jesus, you could have gotten yourself killed, Loki.”

He looked at you as if to say – and why would you care? - but chose to remain silent.

Your heart clenched.

"Loki, I am sorry. I should have told you." You broke off.

The look on his face was one of sheer and utter disappointment. This would have been a lot easier had he been angry with you. The way he looked at you, hurt more than you could comprehend.

“Just go to bed, Y/N.”

There was no warmth in his tone. No affectionate endearments. He used your name as if you were a stranger he had no feelings for.

"It's not what you think. There's nothing between Tony and I – we met in Paris - I didn't know he was a client until you showed me his file. And by then it was too late, I had already arranged to meet him for lunch and I thought you'd be mad, if you found out and I thought I wouldn't see him again – it was silly of me to think that we could just keep it from you. I am sorry, I should have been honest with you from the start –"

You realised that the more you said, the more it sounded like a bad excuse.

Loki still merely looked at you. 

His silence was worse than any insults he could have hurled at you, and somehow you wished for him to yell at you rather than stand there with this look in his eyes.

"Can you just say something?  _Anything_?"

His gaze dropped to the floor. Then he moved past you to get to his bedroom.

"Can we _please_ , talk about this, Loki?"

"I think it would be better if you got some sleep."

“What is wrong with you?”

He turned around to look at you.

“I beg your pardon?”

“I can see you're not ok with it. It wasn't right to keep it from you, I made a mistake. But why do you pretend it's ok?”

“I am not pretending it's ok.”

“Then why don't we talk about this?”

“Because, right now, I do not possess the compassion and tolerance to dry your tears, and whatever I wish to say to you would without doubt have you in tears by the time I finish. My words would hurt you, because I want to – _hurt_ you.”

You swallowed.

Oh, ok. That was incredibly considerate of him, considering the circumstances.

You took a deep breath.

“Then, hurt me.”

His eyes widened a little at your words.

“Don't make me.” Loki shook his head. “This is not a game.”

“Please, Loki.”

“You said you trusted me.”

“I do.”

“Is this what you call trust? To keep things like this from me? And why? Because I might be upset? Guess, _what_  I am right now! I should be sending you back to New York right away simply for betraying my trust in you as a business partner. And quite frankly, it would be the wise thing to do. But I trust you enough to think that you did not let any important information about the company or clients slip while you were doing - whatever you were doing with Stark."

"I wasn't  _doing_  anything with Tony."

Loki's eyes pierced yours and you looked away.

"Loki, I made a mistake. I am sorry. I knew you wouldn't agree to it, and I needed – well, I --”

“What? What did you  _need_  so badly that you concealed from me that you were dating one of our clients?”

“I didn't date him!”

"I trusted you, Y/N! I. Trusted. You! Not only with confidential information. I was foolish to think you were different." He laughed and then pressed his fingers into the corners of his eyes, as if to suppress the tears from flowing. "Foolish enough to invite you to my parent's place - and be nervous about it. God, what an idiot I've been. You will go back to New York as soon as we arrive in London. And you will not attend anymore meetings or other occasions."

"Loki ..."

"Goodnight."

He turned away and walked straight into his bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

 

***

You had cried yourself to sleep and it was already late morning when you woke. Loki had left and since you knew the schedule, you were aware that there was a brunch at the hotel with clients before he had a meeting with Tony and Natasha in the afternoon.

You pulled out the credit card he had given you in France and stared at it for a moment.

Might as well make all this less painful.

You opened your lap top and started looking for flights from St Petersburg to New York.

It would merely be torture to spend more time together. For him and for you.

Knowing that you were going back to New York in a couple of days. Knowing that you had hurt him.

How badly you had hurt him. You put your head in your hands.

After Loki had disappeared into his room last night, you heard a loud crash and rushed to his door – ready to go inside to see if he was alright. Then you had stopped.

_Maybe he had smashed something in his anger?_

_If he was angry, maybe he would hurt you if you went in there?_

Something inside you hated the mere thought that you considered Loki could hurt you.

And yet you did not enter. You stood frozen with your hand on the door handle.

After the noise, everything had gone completely quiet, so you placed your ear on the door.

And that was when you heard it. Soft sobs. Quiet whimpers.

He was crying.

Your beautiful dark god was crying because of you.

Your heart contracted painfully.

You had hurt him.

You put your forehead against the door and sank to your knees keeping your hand against the wood, as if you could reach out to him.

“Oh, Loki.” you whispered. “God, I'm so sorry. So sorry. Please, forgive me.”

_Because, right now, I do not possess the compassion and tolerance to dry your tears._

How you would have loved to hold him, dry _his_ tears, tell him that it was alright. Make him understand how much you cared.

But you had broken his trust.

Maybe even his heart.

Trust was something more precious to Loki than anything. For some reason he had placed his trust into you right from the beginning, and you had discarded this gift so carelessly.

You were suddenly afraid that you had also burnt your bridges.

You sighed, wiped a couple of stray tears away and brought your attention back to the screen of your laptop.

There was an available flight that left in the late afternoon, so you started to fill in your details.

Whatever this was between you and Loki, it was - too hard. It was as though every time things seemed to go alright, hell broke loose and tested both of you.

It was for the best to leave. Leave this relationship that was so deep already, even without being physically involved.

There was something between you and Loki that seemed to operate on a level you were not able to understand. Touches, glances, smiles. You understood each other so perfectly.

And yet, you doubted each other at the next best opportunity.

This was never going to work. It would only ever bring pain.

Book flight.

Your finger hovered over the trackpad, but you could not get yourself to push the "book flight" button.

_You loved him._

You loved this man.

With all his haughtiness. His arrogance. His laughter and his tears.

The two of you had come so far. Now was not the time to run away. Now was not the time to withdraw back into your comfortable world that never asked you to make risky decisions, never broke your heart, and never forced you to take responsibility for your mistakes.

You had made a mistake. A grave one.

But that did not mean you would have to run. No, you would fight to win back his trust.

You closed your laptop.

The meeting with Tony and Natasha was scheduled in the afternoon and there were no events that evening, so Loki had to return to the room eventually. Which meant that you would wait.

You watched a movie to take your mind off things.

You had a little nap.

It was 7pm when you woke.

You ordered yourself dinner and watched another movie.

At 10pm you wondered if Loki would come back tonight. It was nearly 11pm when the sound of your phone almost made you jump out of your skin.

The last thing you would have expected was for him to call you.

Hesitantly you reached for your phone.

_Was he calling to tell you that he had booked another room?_

_That he was going to meet you at the airport tomorrow and stay somewhere else tonight?_

_That ..._

You bit your lip and swiped your finger over the screen.

Loki sounded casual, unusually so, considering the circumstances.

“Dress nicely and mee' me at the bar, kittn … make haste. I - I don' know how much longer I willlast.”

Was he _slurring_?

_Make haste? How much longer he would last? ****_

Under different circumstances you would have found it hilarious.

Before you could say anything he had hung up.

You rubbed your forehead as you remembered.

_Natasha and Vodka._

You slipped on a silver dress and threw a light white shawl around your shoulders.

“Dress nicely.” You huffed. “Last night you were going to send me home and now that you're drunk, you want me to look pretty and meet me at the bar? Damn it, Loki. And damn you, Tony. If this was part of your plan ...”

You put on a pair of pearl coloured pumps and brushed your fingers through hair.

When you came down to the bar, you spotted Loki next to Natasha. He waved you over and patted the stool beside him.

His eyes were glazed over and you wondered how much he had drunk to get to this stage.

You had actually never seen him drunk. Not even tipsy.

“Don' scowl at me, kittn, Natasha wannad you to celebrate with us.”

It was intriguing how his perfect British slipped with certain words, he did not sound _overly_ drunk. Just those few words were definitely slipping. You glanced over at the red-haired woman, who winked at you.

“I take it the deal went through and everyone came to an acceptable arrangement?”

You said as you took the seat between her and Loki.

“Yes, golubushka. We're all very happy things went so well.”

She leaned forward and pressed kisses on both of your cheeks for a greeting.

“I missed you at the meeting. Loki said you weren't feeling well? Are you feeling better?”

You held her gaze, and knew immediately that she knew what the real reason for not joining them was. You just nodded your head.

“Ah, here comes the champagne.” She said as the bartender put a bottle and three flutes in front of you. “I think Loki's had his fill on Vodka considering how long the meeting went. He's been in a sour mood all day at least it loosened him up a little.”

Loki propped his elbow on the bar and leaned his head in his hand with a sigh.

“The Russian way of negotiation. Make'em drunk and bend'em to your will.”

He groaned and Natasha laughed.

“Yes, well we've been drinking for hours, but it wasn't _that_ easy, Loki. You don't seem to loose your wits, even when you're completely intoxicated.”

Amazing how she looked and acted as if she had not had a single drop of Vodka herself. You glanced at Loki, whose glassy gaze rested on you.

“In- _toxicated_.” He repeated without taking his eyes off you.

A bottle of champagne arrived and Natasha poured each of you a glass.

Loki just kept staring at you in a daze.

Natasha and you chatted, and the alcohol seemed to finally hit Loki with full force after half a glass of champagne because he groaned, rubbed his forehead and cursed in that foreign language you had yet to ask him about, before he put his arms on the bar to rest his head on them.

“You better take him to bed, darling.” Natasha said. “Otherwise, I'm afraid he won't be able to find his way by himself – or be any good for anything once you get there.”

She winked and you opened your mouth to say something, but before you could do so, she leaned forward to whisper in your ear.

“Don't give up on him. He's hurt and he may be stubborn, but his heart is hopelessly devoted to you, golubushka. Force him to admit if you must. Don't let him go.”

She pulled away and squeezed your arm encouragingly.

“Goodnight, you two.”

She left and you turned to Loki.

“Come, let's get you back to our room.”

You put one of his arms around your shoulder and dragged him off the stool, which was a bad idea, since Loki leaned against you putting his full weight on you. It made you stumble.

“Nonono, Loki! You have to stand by yourself. Don't squash me, just hold onto me, ok?”

“Hmm.” He mumbled and pushed himself upright.

Even then, Loki was still leaning heavily on you.

_God, why did he have to be so tall? And heavy?_

You made your way to the elevators, and once inside you leaned him against the wall and pressed the button to your floor. The doors closed and the elevator did not move.

You pressed it again. Nothing. You looked up at the security camera, narrowing your eyes.

“I swear I'm going to kill you if you do this!”

You said out loud and Loki leaned in behind you.

“No, kittn. Don' hiddit. Just presssit gently.”

“I'm pressing it gently! It's not working!”

He leaned over your shoulder and put his finger on the button.

The elevator jolted and moved.

You sighed with relief.

“You're amaaazing, kittn.” You were walking down the corridor to your room, and the arm that Loki had around your shoulder tightened as he pulled you close and placed a kiss on the top of your head.

“Tash adores you. Think I should def'nitly keep you.”

You just shook your head and kept walking.

“You're still mad with me, remember?”

“Hm.”

“I know I hurt you.”

“Hm.”

“I almost booked a flight back to New York this afternoon, because I thought I'd spare us both more drama.”

You arrived in front of your suite and realised that you left the key inside when you rushed down to meet Loki. With a sigh, you leaned Loki against the wall and held out your hand.

“Key.”

He pulled himself upright, albeit swaying dangerously, before he leaned back against the wall and started going through his pockets. He pulled out his credit card, looked at it for a moment, then shook his head and discarded it on the floor with a flick of his wrist. The same fate awaited a pack of mints. A nail clipper landed on the floor next. A condom. Another condom. His epinephrine kit.

You rolled your eyes.

You were dealing with an overgrown child here.

When Loki pulled out his phone you darted forward and took it off him before he could discard it.

“Can' seeem to find de dam keee.”

_Oh my god. Was he actually pouting?_

You were surprised how peaceful he was considering how mad he should be at you about Tony. You probably had expected him to become aggressive when he was drunk rather than – _helpless_.

“Loki.”

“Shou' bein my pocketsomewhere.”

He said apologetically with a shrug.

He usually kept it in the right side of his jacket, so you leaned forward to reach inside his jacket pockets. The moment your hands touched him, he froze and stared at you.

You found the card sized key and pulled it out. But before you could pull away, Loki's hand grabbed yours.

There was a strange look in his eyes. Full of longing. And sadness.

He pulled your hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss on your palm that sent a shiver down your spine.

“You are – the best PA I everhad.”

“I am the _only_ PA you've ever had.”

“Even bedda.”

You unlocked the door, put one of his arms over your shoulder again and led him inside, taking him straight to his bedroom, which elicited a chuckle from your dark god.

“Sso impatient.”

“Yeah, impatient to get you to bed and give you a mix of Ascorbic acid and aspirin before you fall asleep. Otherwise you'll be a big pain tomorrow.”

He let go of you and slumped down onto the bed, dropping back with a sigh of relief.

And did not move.

You shook your head, undid the laces and pulled off his shoes before you pushed his legs up onto the bed. Loki purred contently.

“Are you tuckin' me in?”

You looked at him. His eyes were closed. He looked so peaceful. His voice was astoundingly normal considering how drunk he was.

“I'll get your aspirin.”

You were about to turn, when a pair of strong arm wrapped around you and pulled you onto the bed. You had not seen it coming. How he could actually move that fast was beyond your comprehension.

“Loki! Let me go! I know you're still upset with me. You're drunk you wouldn't ...”

And then he said something that you never dreamed of hearing from his lips.

“Please.”

“What?”

“Please. Stay.”

His grip did not loosen as he nuzzled his face into your hair.

“You smell so good. So good ...”

He whispered your name and snuggled up against you, or rather, moulded his body to yours, face buried in the crook of your neck, one long leg, possessively draped over you, while his hand came up to gingerly stroke your throat and jaw.

You could feel his warm breath cascading over your skin. You could smell the alcohol. Something that would have repelled you had it been anyone else.

Loki's fingers moved down to trace your collarbones.

You shivered under his touch and bit your lip.

A myriad of sensations rushed through your body.

But you were worried.

_He didn't really mean this, did he? He was drunk._

Loki pulled away slightly and when his fingertips stopped stroking your collarbone, you thought he had finally fallen asleep.

You waited and when nothing happened, you turned your head to look at him, only to find him staring at you.

His face was so close, your noses were almost touching. His pupils were dilatedto an extent that the blue of Loki's eyes was only a thin rim, leaving them almost black. He had such beautiful eyes. So deep. So open. So full of longing.

“Stay with me.”

He whispered.

Then he pushed himself up to lean on his elbow, his fingers carefully caressing your cheek, before they slipped to the back of your head, threading through your hair. Loki's grip tightened as he leaned down and his lips found yours.

They were soft. Incredibly so.

It was an almost chaste kiss. Gentle and sweet.

Or rather. Many gentle kisses. His open lips were moving against your own repeatedly, as if he attempted to get bite size tastes of you.

You met him with your own set of featherlight open mouthed kisses and that was all you did for a while, until Loki pulled your bottom lip into his mouth, trailing his tongue along it.

A jolt of arousal rushed through your body and you arched up against one of his legs that trapped you in place.

You moaned and Loki moved. He parted your legs with his knee to move on top of you, keeping his weight on his elbows, while both of his hands tangled in your hair and Loki's tongue dipped into your mouth. Gently but insistent.

Your body responded instantly by bucking your hips up against him.

Loki groaned and deepened the kiss.

He tasted like vodka and mint, and his kiss became more demanding as his tongue found yours. One hand pulled your head back to give him better access to your mouth as he pushed you down into the cushions with the weight of his body, ravishing you mercilessly with his tongue.

_God have mercy. This man was an amazing kisser._

Your hands finally moved to roam through his soft hair, over his neck, his broad shoulders, and one of your legs curled around him.

You were surprised that even with the amount of alcohol Loki had in his blood, you could feel a very distinct hardness pushing against the inside of your thigh.

Your entire body flooded with heat and you desperately wound both of your legs around him to pull him closer.

Loki growled.

Yes, he positively _growled_ , and it triggered a deep need inside you.

One of his hands slipped from your hair down your chest, cupping your breast and you mewled in  ****approval as you arched up into his touch **.**

Then he moved it and palmed the space slightly to the left of your sternum to feel your heart beat.

Loki pulled away from your lips and rested his forehead against yours, panting.

“Don't leave me.” he whispered. “Don't ever leave me.”

You opened your eyes to look at him, but his own were closed, and after a few minutes, he moved to the side and buried his face in your hair. His breathing growing steady a moment later.

He had fallen asleep.

You stared up at the ceiling.

Aroused. Unsatisfied. Wanting.

And yet, elated.

In this moment you were immensely grateful that you had _not_ booked that flight.

You realised that it was likely that Loki would not remember a single thing when he woke up.

_Would he have ever said these words to you had he been sober?_

What would he think if he woke up next to you in the morning?

Would he remember how much you had hurt him and regret what he had done and said while drunk?

You did not want him to have any regrets about this, so you carefully extracted yourself from his grasp and fetched an aspirin to put on the bedside table.

He would need it when he woke.

Then you leaned over him and pressed a kiss on his temple.

_I hope that tomorrow you will remember what you said to me. Don't send me back to New York._

You thought, but what were the chances?

You turned to look at him before you left the room. His face was relaxed. He looked almost happy. Like a child.

“Goodnight, Loki.”

 

***

YOU: Your plan worked, mad scientist. Although I doubt he will remember anything in the morning.

TONY: Congratulations! So, what's the verdict? Ditch the devil or keep him?

YOU: I'll definitely keep him!!

TONY: Thought you might. We can still go out for dinner, can't we?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!!!!!! ... yay!!!


	22. Morning after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So sorry, I haven't been able to reply to all the exciting, lovely comments and suggestions!! But I really wanted to get this up, and have a big day ahead tomorrow. 
> 
> This may not be what you expected... and it is short, but sweet :)

_Just a little change_  
_Small to say the least_  
_Both a little scared_  
_Neither one prepared_

_~Celine Dion, beauty and the beast_

 

It was nearly 10.30am.

You had packed your bag, had breakfast and had been pacing the living area of the suite you shared with Loki for about twenty minutes.

_Should you go in and wake him?_

_See how he was feeling?_

_Ask if he remembered anything?_

You stopped and looked out the window. It offered an amazing view over the roofs of St Petersburg. Had yesterday not been so terribly disturbing, you would have taken a walk. What you had seen of the city was impressive, and the hotel you stayed in was one of the most luxurious of the entire trip. There was even an out-door dining area on the roof. It was a shame that your stay here had been overshadowed by the results of your mistake.

You noticed that you were chewing on the tip of your thumb.

You needed to make a decision.

_Face the devil._

You hesitantly raised your hand to knock on Loki's door, before you let it sink it again to do a bit more pacing in front of his door.

_Right._

_You can do this._

It's not like he's going to devour you.

_… Even though you kind of wished he would ..._

After last night you wanted more. More of his closeness, more of his soft skin, more of his insistent tongue … more _Loki_.

This man was like a drug and you had already developed an addiction without even touching it properly.

That made you nervous.

Was all this happening too fast?

Probably not from Loki's point of view, considering that he was used to _sexual_ relationships. No fluffing around. Quite literally.

It amazed you how coy he was with you. Although _coy_ was maybe not entirely the right word. Not necessarily a word that you would have associated with Loki in the first place.

Well, he did seem to be holding himself back.

And he had said he was scared of this – whatever _this_ was – you still had not been able to figure it out yourself.

Maybe you needed to get to know each other better. Let go of those defences both of you still put up every time you where afraid of getting hurt.

Because both of you _wanted_ to trust each other. And yet, both of you were ridiculously insecure.

There was a knocking noise and you realised that, while you had been thinking, your hand had gone off on its own, and was knocking on Loki's door.

No answer.

Ok, so that meant you would wait.

Or did it?

Your hand (which seemed to have developed a mind of its own) pushed down the door handle and opened the door. You peeped inside.

It looked like Loki had a shower and had gone back to bed. He was lying flat on his stomach. Your eyes swept over his bare back down to the towel around his hips, and further down his legs.

“Loki?”

You whispered.

No answer.

You crept closer.

His hair was still wet, the water leaving dark spots on the sheet.

Loki's face was turned away from you and you leaned over him, carefully pushing a strand of wet hair out of his face.

He groaned softly.

And caught your wrist.

You flinched and tried to pull it back, but his hand lay around it in an iron grip.

_Good god, he was strong._

You felt a tingle between your thighs.

“Is it time to go?”

He mumbled into the pillow.

“Not yet.”

“Unless you have a cure for my splitting headache, I would advise you stay away from me. I am not in the best of moods, I fear.”

_Ok, maybe he did not remember. No, he obviously didn't._

“Are you still – _mad_ with me?”

He groaned again.

“Are you seriously trying to make conversation with me? I cannot even think right now, how would I know if I am mad with you?”

“ _Are_ you?”

Loki turned around slowly. Keeping hold of your wrist as he blinked at you.

“Would you prefer me to be?”

You shook your head.

He closed his eyes and pulled your hand towards his face so that your palm came to a rest against his cheek.

“Do you want me to get you more Ascorbic and aspirin?”

You asked, but he merely purred and leaned into your touch.

So you mustered your courage.

“Loki, last night...”

His eyes opened lazily to catch your gaze and your words trickled off like a well running dry.

“I was completely drunk, kitten, I am sorry. I remember calling you from downstairs to join us, but after that – everything is a bit of a blur.”

_That's exactly what you were worried about._

“So, you – you don't remember anything?”

His eyebrows knitted together, a look of concern crossing his face.

“Did I – do anything – I mean -”

You shook your head.

“Well, nothing I didn't _like_.”

“God, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have …. What _exactly_ did I do?”

“You, uh, you may have asked me to stay and you – you may have - _kissed_ me?”

“ _DAMN IT_.”

Definitely _not_ the reaction you had hoped for.

_So, he wasmad at you still. He would never have kissed you. Now, he would surely be --_

“Kitten.”

Your eyes snapped to his.

“You are overthinking again, tell me what is on your mind?”

“You – I – you - are you mad you kissed me?”

Loki frowned.

Then he tugged at the wrist he was still holding onto, which made you loose your balance. You squealed as you toppled over and landed half on the bed half on top of him. He hissed a little, murmuring something about headache, but lost no time to wrap his arms around you to pull you against him. Spooning you so that you could feel the entire length of his body pressing against yours.

It was quickly becoming your favourite thing. It felt incredibly good to lie in his arms like this. Incredibly safe.

You relaxed.

_So, maybe he wasn't mad about kissing you, after all._

“I am not mad.” Loki said. “I am _furious_.”

 _Oh_.

He loosened his grip and nuzzled his face against your hair.

“I am furious because I was _drunk_ , and I cannot remember it and you probably feel – awkward about it.”

His words sank in.

“So, you're not going to send me back to New York?”

Loki sighed.

“Why? Would you want me to?”

“No!”

“Honestly, kitten, I never _wanted_ to send you back, otherwise I would have done so right away. I needed time to – think. Trust is a fragile thing that I usually cannot afford to share with others, it was ...”

He fell silent.

“Please, keep talking to me, Loki.”

“Yesterday I spent hours in the company of two people who seemed to be utterly devoted to convincing me that you are worthwhile keeping.”

“So you believe me that Tony and I had nothing ... there was never anything...?”

“Tony was very adamant about getting his point across. That the two of you were _friends_ , which is horrifying enough, but nothing more. He even offered me to look at his text conversations with you, which I refused.”

_Geez, that was lucky! Or maybe not?_

“I made it a rule to trust only those who I am certain will not deliberately hurt me. _You_.” He tightened his grip around you. “ _You_ scared me from the moment you came back to my office to return the cheque I had given you.”

“I – I did? You were such an asshole.”

He chuckled, his breath fluttering against your neck.

“I keep people at a safe distance. But you, you kept coming back. You were not afraid of me, it was as if you could see straight through me. And you were so - so unbearably sincere.”

You listened. Stunned by his openness and the fact that he had actually found you attractive right from the start.

_What an ass!_

You would have to reprimand him for that later.

“I am not cut out for relationships, because I do not _want_ to put my trust in another person and I have never found anyone, I wanted to trust.”

He placed a soft kiss on the back of your head.

“I apologise this trip has been such a rollercoaster. It is merely that I – I am not entirely sure what I want from you.”

_Really? You hadn't noticed._

“Maybe we just need to get to know each other better.”

“The more you will find out about me, the more I will repel you, I am afraid. I cannot be what you want me to be. What if it truly is merely my desire to possess what I cannot have that drives me to want you?”

You sighed and placed your hands on his, which were holding you around your middle.

“I want you. Just you.”

“But you do not know me.”

“All I need to know is in your touch, in your eyes, in those little gestures.”

“You are a hopeless romantic, just as I feared.”

“Then _tell_ me about you.”

Loki buried his face in your hair and muttered something like “give me time”. He exhaled and then was quiet for a while.

“Was it any good?”

He suddenly whispered against your hair.

“What?”

“The kiss.”

Ok, now he was diverging the conversation. Apparently Loki had reached his limit of open conversation for today and you decided to play along.

“Oh, you mean the kiss last night?”

“Was there another kiss that I cannot remember either?”

You let out a sigh that sounded almost disappointed.

“Well, you know. It was - _average_.”

In an instant Loki's fingers were on digging into your side, tickling you, and you squeaked.

“ _Average_ , yes?”

“Well, thinking about it now. It wasn't – you weren't actually _that_ bad.”

A low growl escaped Loki's throat. It made you shiver.

“Not that _bad_?”

You smiled smugly to yourself.

“Hm, somebody's got a bit of an ego when it comes to kissing it seems.”

“If my headache would not be killing me right now, I would administer a proper punishment for your insolence.”

“Hmm.”

“Oh, no, kitten. You would _not_ enjoy that.”

“Maybe you just need to remind me of what it's like?” You said and turned your head so that it was closer to his face. “To be kissed, I mean, not _punished_.”

Loki's eyes went dark at your words and he moved, so that the tips of your noses where touching.

“Maybe I should remind you.” He offered huskily, before a devious smirk appeared on his face. “But I am afraid that kissing would strain my already sore head.”

“You only need your lips for kissing, not your head, don't you?”

“Hm. And my _tongue_.”

_Oh, god, the way he said it made searing heat pool between your legs._

“I guess, you do.”

You said faintly, remembering his tongue against your own. Ravishing your mouth.

You closed your eyes and an involuntary moan escaped you.

This man was such a tease.

Loki leaned forward so that his lips were brushing against yours, then he pulled back.

You opened your eyes.

He was watching you with a gaze full of mischief.

“Are you trying to make me swoon from all your teasing, so that you can get out of this, or are you _actually_ going to kiss me?”

You asked and Loki grinned, then he pushed himself up and forward.

The dramatic blare of _Ride of the Valkyries_  brutally tore through the sensual tension of the moment and made both of you flinch.

Loki closed his eyes.

“Sorry, I have to take that.” He reluctantly pulled away and reached for his phone.

You already had an idea who was calling.

“Father?” Loki hissed as he sat up and rubbed his head.

“Yes, no, I just had a terribly long meeting with Natasha yesterday.”

“Yes, she's still as hard-drinking as ever.”

“We are flying out in the afternoon and will take the helicopter up North, so we should be there in early evening.”

There was a pause and Loki glanced at you over his shoulder, before he stood.

“No, I am sure she will be fine. She is a grown up woman, you know. Father, she is an artist, of course she earns her own living. Thor knows her. Yes. No. NO, we are not – I'm sorry, can we talk about this later?” He huffed. “Ok, give me one moment.” Loki put his hand over the phone. “Give me a few minutes, I will be out there soon. I'm sorry. I'll be quick.”

You slipped off the bed and Loki turned to look at you, rolling his eyes at the phone - immediately regretting the action though as it probably sent a stinging pain through his head – judging by the pained look on his face.

“We are not _involved_ and she's not --” Loki's words were cut off, as you pulled the door shut behind you and walked into the living area.

_So, his dad wasn't overly keen to have you, was he?_

Loki emerged dressed and ready about ten minutes later, albeit a sour expression adorning his beautiful face, and sat down at the table.

“I really don't feel like eating.”

“I've ordered you a bloody Mary – apparently works a treat – especially with Vodka hangovers.”

You sank down on the chair next to him.

“Are you sure it's a good idea for me to come? Your dad doesn't seem so keen to have me around.”

Loki's eyes were fiery when they met yours.

“Don't you dare think that you are not welcome at my Mother's place. I should not have allowed you to overhear that conversation.”

He rubbed his face in his hands.

“Father is very – _protective_. Fiercly so. But he's more worried than hostile. Plus he is very conservative and has been quite strict with Thor and I when it comes to bringing girls around.” Loki rolled his eyes again. “No kissing, separate rooms, no sex – unless married.”

You chuckled.

“Wow, so you never brought anyone around then, I guess? I mean, the whole purpose of bringing a girl would have been – sex.”

His eyes pierced yours before they flicked to your lips.

“You have grown brazen, little kitten.”

You licked your lips and Loki swallowed.

You grinned and he reached out to catch your chin between his fingers. His gaze and touch eliciting a wide array of rather pleasant feelings.

There was a knock on the door.

Both of you looked at the door, then at each other, and Loki was about to dart forward to catch your lips with his, when the knock came again.

“In the name of Hel, woman, have you cursed me?”

He got up and walked to the door, you heard him exchange a few phrases in Russian before he closed the door and came back with a small parcel. He looked at the card.

“It's for you. From – Natasha.”

Loki raised an eyebrow.

“You must have left quite an impression on her.”

You took the card off him and opened it.

_Golubushka, I hope the two of you have been able to settle the issue in a satisfying way. A small gift to add to the satisfaction - I hope. Don't open it until you're in the bedroom with him – don't want to spoil the surprise. Love, Natasha._

You blushed.

_Good, Lord. Natasha, what the hell?_

“What is it?”

Loki asked, suddenly very interested.

“She said not to open it yet.”

“Hm.” A smile crept on his lips. “Are you sure?”

You nodded, took the parcel and quickly stowed it away in your travel bag that was sitting next to the couch.

“So, where were we?” Loki asked, suddenly standing behind you and you almost bumped into him when you stood up.

His vivid eyes were watching you with more than keen interest.

“I guess I'll have to make good on all the teasing and I will not tolerate anymore disruptions.”

He placed two fingers under your chin to tilt your face upwards. His touch made your stomach flutter. 

As if his touch was not distracting enough already, his lips met yours at the same time his other hand pressed on your lower back to pull you close. You gasped and Loki seized the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth.

_Dear God._

As soft mewl left your mouth. Your knees buckled slightly, but Loki held you steady with his hand on your back as he licked along your lower lip, sucking it gently before he dove his tongue into your mouth again. The hand on your chin slid down to settle on the base of your neck, thumb stroking the sensitive skin of your throat. You moaned into the kiss and he gently pushed you against the back of the couch, steadying you against it, so that his hand was free to roam over your backside and down your thigh, while his tongue entangled yours in a slow dance.

You opened your legs to allow him to get closer, which he acted on without hesitation, pressing his hardness against you which made your core quiver. 

_Heavens._

A light squeeze of your throat made you groan loudly and Loki pulled away from your lips, without loosening his hold on you. Your eyes fluttered open slowly and you found his own searching yours.

“Do you trust me?”

“In this I most definitely do.”

He leaned forward to press a tender kiss on your forehead.

“When you asked me to hurt you the other night. You meant it, didn't you? You would have rather had me hurt you with my words than leave things unsettled.”

You nodded and leaned into his chest, bringing your arms around him.

“I should let you go, little butterfly.” He muttered, kissing the top of your head. “I am uncertain if I am deserving of this kind of devotion.”

“Please, don't.”

You whispered and Loki pulled you closer into his embrace.

“No. I am aware that it is far too late for that.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that!! ... meeting family in the next chapter... ;)


	23. Family Ties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, finally - we've made it to the family home. ... not that this means that things are going to be easy from now on....
> 
> Just need to say a big THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!! to all of you, lovely readers!!!  
> Thank you :)

_It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart_  
_Without saying a word, you can light up the dark_  
_Try as I may I could never explain_  
_What I hear when you don't say a thing_

_~Ronan Keating, when you say nothing at all_

 

It was about an hour flight on the helicopter from London to Birch Grove, Loki's mother's estate. You got a good view of it, when you were circling over it before landing. Birch Grove was an old beautiful mansion, with a large terrace and English style garden. The grounds around the house looked like a park - including meadows of grazing horses and sheep as well as a small forest enclosing the property on one side, while the other side bordered on a large lake.  was situated next to. The house was closer to the lake, maybe about 1oo yards from the water.

Absolutely beautiful.

A sanctuary.

Loki”s fingers touched the back of your hand lightly then he wrapped them around yours to give your hand a gentle squeeze. You turned to look at him and he offered you one of those smiles that had been so rare to get a glimpse of not so long ago. His eyes radiated pure affection and the corners of his mouth were curved up in a way that left a sweet expression on his features.

A few weeks ago, you would have thought it impossible to ever pair the word  _sweet_ with this man.

Loki had slept most of the way from St Petersburg to London, his head resting in your lap, purring softly ever so often, while you ran your fingers through his hair playing with his dark locks.

You had spent most of the flight _adoring_ him.

It was probably the only time you could safely do so without drawing sassy or seductive comments - when he was fast asleep.

Now that Loki was starting to open up to you, you could not help falling for him with all your being.

Heart, Soul and all the rest.

As you regarded the sleeping god in your lap, who you knew to be nothing short of the devil, you realised that Loki had well and truly wreaked havoc with your beliefs of good and evil.

His darkness was just as beautiful as his light - and as an artist, a painter especially, you knew that there was nothing more captivating than the play of light and shadow. It was what made a good painting.

This man intrigued you to no end.

And yet, it worried you. You thought that you needed a person you could rely on, someone who was _predictable_.

You had the feeling that with Loki, you would never know what awaited you around the corner. It could be a smooth road, or a yawning abyss and you felt as though there was always a risk of going around the bend. Literally.

Loki was anything but predictable.

But then, life was not about knowing what awaited you around the corner, was it? Life itself was not _predictable_.

It was about seizing the moment. It was about _feeling_ _its magic_ with every fibre of your being.

Life was about _living_. About _loving_.

Without fear. Without control.

You had neither felt life nor love with such intensity before.

You had actually never felt so alive before.

This was a gift that Loki had brought to you and you would treasure it, no matter what the future would bring.

You had watched him sleep and asked yourself why he affected you in ways you were so unfamiliar with.

Why you were yearning to surrender to him. Why his mere words could make your body quiver. Why the pet names and all the suggestive things he said to you, sounded like promises you eagerly awaited with unfulfilled anticipation.

Because Loki wasn't playing a role. This was _him_.

You had never met a person so complex and yet so _authentic_.

When he was an arrogant ass, he was it with all his heart.

When he nuzzled his face against your neck with such sweetness, he did so with all his soul.

One moment he exuded such power it made your knees buckle, the next his tender-heartedness could make your heart melt.

He literally became your god, when he called you his pet. A god who descended down into your ordinary small world to claim you as his. The thought left you flattered and excited.

A shiver ran through you.

_Holy cow. He could be asleep, doing NOTHING and he had that effect on you!_

Loki was fluid - like water. He had many forms and faces, but he was always himself – and one thing you knew most definitely – just like water quenched the thirst of your body, Loki was able to quench a thirst that lay far deeper than your body's needs.

Loki brought your attention back to the present when he let go off your hand and opened the helicopter door. 

You got off and Loki took your bag off you as you walked from the helipad to the house. The front door opened when you approached and a tall man appeared in the doorway to greet you.

His gaze made your heart skip a beat. It was as though his eyes penetrated your very soul - and not in a pleasant way.

You forced yourself to move, so not to appear impolite and bravely held his gaze while he seemed to scan your soul for whatever it was he was searching.

“Hi Heimdall!”

Loki greeted him by grabbing his forearm and the dark man returned the gesture with a squeeze and a nod, his eyes leaving yours only for a moment before he brought them back.

Now that you stood closer, you noticed the unusual light colour of his eyes.

Like honey.

Unique.

And a little spooky.

The light colour stood in stark contrast to his chocolate coloured skin.

“Y/N, this is Heimdall, my father's assistant and an old family friend. Heimdall, my assistant, Y/N.”

You reached out your hand and Heimdall shook it without hesitation.

“Assistant, hm?” He narrowed his eyes a little.

“Uh, yes, nice to meet you, Mr Heimdall.”

A broad smile softened his features and flooded you with immediate comfort.

_Ok, you decided, this man was uncanny._

“Just Heimdall will do fine.”

You returned a shy smile and Loki grabbed your hand and pulled you past the dark guard into the house.

“Mum? Mum we're here!” He dropped your bag in the hall, while you glanced around, wide eyed. You were still not used to the grandeur of Loki and Thor's world. You found yourself in the middle of a spacious entrance hall that was about three stories high. Your eyes followed a staircase which was winding its way up along the sides, leading to the different floors and ended on the top one, right under the roof that was fitted with a glass dome, so that natural light flooded the space.

Two corridors led off to the left and the right from where you and Loki were standing and you guessed they were leading to the living areas.

_Well. Holy Mother of Christ!_

_This was just the entrance hall and it was – breathtaking!_

Loki chuckled and when you turned to him he cocked an eyebrow.

“Impressed? Wait until you see the rest of the house.”

You opened your mouth to offer him a smart retort but where interrupted by a female voice coming from somewhere to your left.

“We are in the lounge, Loki!”

Loki must have felt your tension, because he brought your hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss on it.

“Don't worry, kitten. You will love my mother. And there's a surprise for you in the lounge to make you more comfortable.”

“A surprise?”

_Could be anything with Loki._

You gave him a wary look and he smirked.

“You will like it. I promise. It's big and muscly and blonde.”

Your eyes must have lit up, because his smirk widened into a smile.

Loki let go of your hand, which you regretted, and you followed him down the hall. Light-coloured tapestry covered the walls as did several paintings and photographs of what you thought must be family members. You caught a glimpse of Thor, and -

_Oh, my god – was that skinny little boy Loki?_

You would have to revisit that later, because Loki had already gone ahead of you and you hurried to keep up with him.

The next moment you stepped through an open double door into a very spacious, very English looking lounge.

Straight ahead were ceiling to floor windows with French doors that opened out onto the terrace. The room itself was decorated in pastel tones, classic floral patterns on curtains and couches gave it a traditional feel, while thick soft looking carpet and a large open fireplace made it cosy and inviting.

This place was beautiful, but it was really all about feeling homely. 

Flower arrangements were dotted around the room, a particularly large one adorned a grand piano that stood by the window front.

You did your best to keep your jaw from dropping.

Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed someone rise from one of the couches, and despite your effort to behave dignified you squealed.

“Thor! Oh my god!”

Ok, well, from there on your dignity went right down the drain, because you threw yourself at him and hugged him as if there was no tomorrow. Thor pulled you into a bear hug.

“I've missed you, Thor. I really missed you.”

You whispered into his chest and tried to squeeze him as hard as you could, which made him chuckle.

“I've missed you too. My Friday movie nights have been rather lonely lately.”

You laughed.

_It was so good to see him._

_Sooo good._

You had not realised how much you missed him until you felt tears pricking your eyes and you quickly brought your arm up to your face to wipe them away with your sleeve.

When he let go, you noticed the woman with long, dark blonde curls that were loosely swept up in a bun, who was watching you with kind eyes and a loving smile. She rose from her spot on the couch to greet you.

“Hi.” Was all you mustered as you offered your hand, which she took and held in hers while she studied your face. “I – I am Y/N.”

“Oh, believe me, I know. My name is Frigga. I must admit I am very excited to finally meet you.”

She squeezed your hand affectionately before she let it go and turned to Loki.

“Hi mum.”

They embraced with such tenderness and love, Loki closed his eyes as if to savour the moment. 

“Loki, stop being so possessive. She's not _all_ yours.”

Thor teased him but Loki ignored him and pulled his mother a little closer before he let her go.

“How are you feeling?”

Was the first thing he asked and it made you remember the accident. A month had passed since it happened.

A whole month.

Good god, a lot had happened in that month.

“I am much better, thank you, Loki.” Frigga smiled at him and pressed a kiss on his cheek. “Especially now that I have my children here. It is a pity Hela could not come.”

Frigga turned back to you.

“It is lovely to have you, too and I guess you would like to freshen up after the flight. We will have dinner in about an hour, so take your time before that to settle in. Loki will show you to your room.”

***

Thor delivered your bags to your room and plopped down on the bed, while Loki leaned in the door frame, arms crossed over his chest, watching you.

He was different around his family. More relaxed.

“So, how do you like Europe?”

You glanced at Thor and grinned.

“Love it. Paris was amazing, although we didn't have time to go up the Eiffel Tower or to visit Notre Dame – a good reason to go back, I guess. Loki took me to see the Sistine Chapel in Rome, and we went to Florence. Vienna was beautiful too.”

“So, the little critter hasn't been too hard on you, has he?”

You side-eyed Loki, who rolled his eyes dramatically before he scowled at Thor.

“No. No critters - or _gremlins_. I think I finally got to experience the 'fur-ball' phase though.”

Thor grinned from ear to ear.

“Oh, I'm very pleased to hear that.”

You glanced at Loki who gave you a questioning look and you decided to shrugg it off with a smirk.

_Some private jokes where more fun when they were kept private. Especially those on gremlins and fur-balls._

Thor stretched and let himself fall back on the bed.

“Mum treats you like royalty already. It's the best guest room in the house, just so you know. Especially the bed.” He sat up and bounced up and down a little. “So very  _comfortable_.” Thor wiggled his eyebrows and nodded his head suggestively towards Loki.

“THOR!” Loki and you blurted out at the same time.

The blonde surf god rose with a smug smile on his lips, shrugging his shoulders innocently.

“What? It's kind of obvious that the two of you need to --”

“Aaand – it's time for you to leave, Thor.”

You placed your hands on his chest and leaned your weight against him to push him out of the room, which, of course did not move him even an inch.

“Just trying to be of help.”

He offered and you scowled at him.

“Ok, I'll leave you two to it. Mum's been all giddy about you coming, so be prepared for lots of questions at dinner.”

He casually sauntered out of the room stopping briefly as he passed Loki.

“Loki looks exhausted already so I'd suggest you don't overtax him.”

Loki punched Thor's arm.

“Get lost, Thor.”

“Love you too, brother.”

You turned around. Yes, the room was amazing. The furniture was a mix of vintage and modern. The bed had a beautiful carved headboard and it did look terribly comfortable. The colours were soft, like everywhere else in the house. Mainly kept in cream, gold and white. Just like in the lounge, there were several flower arrangements around the room and a set of large windows offered a view out over the garden.

You felt like a guest of the royal family.

And your prince's arms snaked around you from the back that very moment, so you leaned against his chest, feeling it vibrate with a content hum when you did. Loki did not say anything, only kissed the top of your head and held you for a moment longer, before he released you and took a step back.

“I better let you get ready.”

But before he was able to sneak away, you turned around and grabbed him by the waistband of his slacks to pull him back towards you.

An amused look adorned his face and one of his eyebrows rose.

“My kitten is growing possessive, it seems.”

He leaned down to brush his lips against yours, sending a whole bunch of butterflies fluttering in your stomach. The tip of his tongue gingerly ran along the inside of your upper lip as he slowly moved his open mouth against yours. It was all it needed to coax a soft mewl from you and you brought your hands up to cup his face while his own landed on your waist to draw you closer.

Somebody cleared their throat rather loudly.

The two of you sheepishly pulled apart.

When Loki turned around you got a good view of the man standing in the hall outside your door and your heart dropped.

“Hello, father.”

_Odin._

You bit your lip.

You had not known what to expect, but the glare he gave you was anything but welcoming.

As if he was not already intimidating enough, Loki's father had only one eye. The same storm-grey colour as Thor's, and a storm was verily brewing in it.

You felt as though his single eye was literally burning you to ashes.

You opened your mouth to say something, then closed it again and averted your eyes briefly, before you brought them back up to meet his gaze.

_Jesus Christ, this man truly was intimidating._

“Uh, hello, Mr Odinson.” You mustered your courage and stepped forward to close the distance between you and reached out your hand for a greeting. “It's a pleasure to meet you.”

You tried your best to sound polite and hide the slight tremble in your voice.

_Better make a good impression now._

He merely grunted.

“We shall see about that.”

_Ok, well that wasn't the kind of answer you had hoped for._

Then he reluctantly and very briefly shook your hand, all the while piercing you with his one eye.

“My wife asked me to bring your bag upstairs, since you had mindlessly abandoned it in the hall. She thought you would be exhausted from the travels, but I can see that you are clearly more interested in seducing my son than in resting, so I do not share her sentiment.”

_What an ass._

_No, he did not like you. Not at all._

He held out your purse to you and you quickly took it off him, muttering a thank you.

_Ok, just hold your tongue._

“Father, please.” Loki said softly.

He had appeared behind you and you felt his hands come to a gentle rest on your shoulders, immediately giving you support. His father's eye finally let go of you.

“Do not be late for dinner.”

He muttered as he stalked away.

You sighed in relief.

“I'm sorry, kitten.” Loki cooed into your ear.

“Well, that's kind of the worst first impression I could have made, right?”

Loki chuckled and turned you around.

“My god, Loki, why does he have to be so rude? He hasn't even given me a chance. Hasn't even made an effort to get to know me.”

“He is testing the waters.”

“What?”

“Making you uncomfortable to see how you react.”

“What an ass.”

He chuckled again.

“Well, by now you should know how to handle that.”

You rubbed your face against his chest.

“ _You_ are the kind of ass I can handle. I can just be rude to you. I can't be rude to your dad, can I?”

“Well, maybe not the best idea. He really is not as terrifying as he seems. He's merely worried that you are after me for the money.”

“The money? He really thinks I am into you for the money? Now, _that_ would be completely and utterly stupid of me, wouldn't it?”

Loki laughed.

“And why is that? Care to elaborate?”

“Well, to endure all your teasing, the humiliation, the insecurity and disappointment, the jealousy and the fear … just for – just for _money_? Wouldn't that be a little much?”

You felt Loki stiffen at your words.

“I am sorry. I apologise to have been the cause of all that.” He whispered and your chest contracted.

_No no. You had not meant it that way._

“Loki, I didn't say this to make you feel bad." You leaned your forehead against his chest and placed your hand on his heart, feeling the slow rhythm of it under your fingers. "To be honest, it was worth enduring every single one of those things to get where I am right now. But I would have never done any of it for money.”

“And – what is worth enduring all this? Where exactly did it get you?”

You slid your arms around him and up his back, snuggling closer.

“Where I am right now. In your arms. The safest and most comfortable place I've ever been.”

His hold on you tightened.

“You certainly know how to flatter the devil. Maybe my father is right about being suspicious about you.”

He chuckled and placed a gentle kiss on top of your head.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmm.... sweet Loki's a treat, but Odin's going to stir up trouble, I believe....


	24. Dine with the devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!!! 😘
> 
> Dinner time....
> 
> Happy Valentine's Day 💗

_I'll be your dream_  
_I'll be your wish_  
_I'll be your fantasy_  
_I'll be your hope_  
_I'll be your love_  
_Be everything that you need_

_Savage Garden, truly madly deeply_

 

So far dinner had passed without any major incidents. You were seated on Loki's left, facing Frigga and Thor while Odin was enthroned – as was to be expected - at the head of the table.

You discovered that the Odinson's had a house keeper who was excellent cook and happened to be a jovial, good natured Iris lady with a good sense of humour that matched the rest of the family's. Well, at least everyone else's, apart from _Odin,_  who did not seem to have _any_ sense for jokes.

“The godfather” as you had nicknamed him - Tony would have been proud of you - seemed to possess no sense of humour at all. You could see where Loki got his intimidating-smart-ass-behaviour from.

Frigga on the other hand was anything but humourless and it was rather surprising how such an intelligent and sweet woman who radiated wisdom, compassion and love along with beauty, could be married to a man like Odin.

On a brighter note, he at least seemed to have very little interest in your conversation, so you started to relax, thinking things were going quite well.

Like Thor predicted, Frigga asked you a lot of questions - how your friendship with Thor, how you met, about your art, your life, your interests. While it was nice getting so much attention, you were grateful she was not too intrusive and that she seemed to know exactly when you became uncomfortable with a subject.

“How do you like the food?”

Frigga asked about half way through the main course – which happened to be an exquisite eggplant parmigiana and salad.

“It is excellent, thank you.”

She gave you a satisfied smile. It had not escaped your notice that so far all the food served for dinner had been vegetarian.

“I appreciate the fact that everything is vegetarian, but I hope that it doesn't inconvenience anyone. I'm really not fussy and very happy to just have salad or potatoes, or veggies.”

Frigga's smile grew wider and she opened her mouth to speak, but Odin was faster.

“Do not worry yourself, we will not allow you to inconvenience us. Even though you may regard us as uncivilised carnivores, we do eat our fair share of greens, so do not make the mistake and think you are special, because you are vegetarian.”

He did not even bother to look at you as he spoke, and you noticed how Frigga's eyes narrowed dangerously.

Maybe she was not as sweet and harmless after all.

You smiled to yourself.

You liked the thought that Odin was setting himself up for trouble.

Frigga brought her attention back to you.

“What do you paint with? Acrylics or oil?”

She smoothly continued the earlier conversation, which had been about your art.

“Acrylics _or_ oil, depending on the effect I'd like to achieve. Acrylics are solid, the colours more vibrant. Much denser than oil.”

“Do you prefer abstract or figurative?”

“Figurative. But then, I mostly paint intuitively. Whatever comes to me. Sometimes, I just sit on the beach and look out at the ocean and ideas come. People, places, landscapes.”

“Norse gods.” Thor threw in.

“Yes, well, that was a first.”

“I heard you made a painting for my son.”

“The god of Thunder, yes. I must admit, it was a very powerful experience.”

“It is an astounding work of art, she even added Thor's name in Elder Futhark runes.”

Loki added, glancing over at Odin, probably hoping to gain some kind of approval from his side, but the godfather seemed more focused on his food than the conversation.

“And she has an oversized portrait of Loki sitting in her lounge.”

Thor threw in casually.

_Oh. God. Did he really just say that?_

You felt your cheeks flush.

Out of the corner of your eye you noticed Loki turning his head towards you.

“You  _do_?”

“I – uh, it's not finished.”

_Ok, this was kind of embarrassing._

“She started it the first day she worked with Loki.”

“After we met him in the club. That was after the _third_ day.”

You added defiantly and realised that actually did not make it sound any less obsessive.

Your cheeks were glowing.

_Damn, Thor, did you have to do that?_

You were suddenly very aware of the fact that everyone's eyes were on you.

_Thor, if you want to keep this friendship alive, you'd better stop talking._

Apparently, he had not said enough yet - or maybe he was hellbent on loosing your friendship, because after he took a sip from his ale, he grinned at you.

“It seems you've been infatuated with Loki ever since the first time you met him.”

_Ok, that's it! Thor, if you value your life - Shut. Up._

_Now!_

You tried to kick his shin under the table but unfortunately could not reach.

Odin pierced you and grunted. Frigga had a smug smile on her face. Loki looked completely shocked. Thor leaned back and took a long swig from his beer with a devious smile on his face that could match even Loki's most devilish smirks.

And, you – well - _you_ kind of hoped the ground beneath you would open up and swallow you right than and there.

“How romantic.” Frigga said finally.

“Obsessive.” Odin grumbled.

“You never cease to surprise me _and_  always seem to be bent on flattering me.” Loki cooed, evidently recovered.

There was a rather loud clatter as Odin put his cutlery down and you flinched.

“Flattery does not pay the rent.” Odin growled. “How much do you earn with your artwork?”

You finally had the godfather's attention and you were not sure if that was a good thing.

“I – well, --”

“That's actually how they met.” Thor fell in and before you could get his attention to avoid the worst, he was already rattling away. “She couldn't pay her rent, so I organised her a job with Loki.”

_Damn, Thor. Wrong thing to say. Wrong thing!_

Odin's single eye pierced you mercilessly. If his gaze had had the actual ability to rip holes into you, you would have turned into a human colander by now.

“I  _can_  meet my expenses – I don't need much to live on - this was an exception.”

“And, who supports you, whenever you need money? Your family?”

“I left home when I was a teenager and have supported myself ever since.”

Maybe this had come out a little too proud and defiant.

“What do your parents do?” Frigga asked softly, probably trying to tone down the sharp edge of the conversation.

You bit your lip.

“I'm actually not sure. I haven't seen them in a while. We're not really in touch.”

“Oh.” Frigga seemed a little disappointed but no less compassionate, and it was Loki who started another attempt to pour oil on troubled waters.

“She had an art exhibit in one of the galleries in downtown Manhattan last year that sold almost every painting on display, and she is planning another one for this year, when we return to New York.”

It was your turn to be shocked.

You had never told him any of this, but it was clear that he had done his homework on you. Wherever he got this information from, god only knew, but right now you wished that he would have actually asked you about it. You would have had a normal conversation instead of having the feeling that he knew things about you, you may not want him to know.

You just hoped there was no file about you in the 'confidential' cabinet.

Loki merely offered you one of his smiles that seemed to say – I pay attention, darling.

“And in the meantime she's spending your money.”

Odin's voice ripped through the silent conversation that was going on between you and your god.

“More than that - she has evidently twisted you around her little finger.”

You watched Loki's face drop and his eyebrows crease, before he turned to look at Odin.

“Father, do not be ridiculous.”

“Am I? Are you so blinded by sentiment, Loki?”

“Odin. What has gotten into you?”

Frigga's eyes were flashing now, her voice stern.

You looked from her to Loki to Odin. This was not going well.

“Uh, please. Don't – it's not like -”

“Father, this is preposterous! Y/N would never use my money. She's the most sincere person I know!”

“Is it preposterous, Loki? Is it? You think you have the right to bring one of your whores here, into our family home, just because you have fallen for her?”

There was a moment of grave silence.

Then Loki shot up from his seat, his voice cold as ice.

“I will not allow you to speak about her like this, Odin.”

“I am merely saying that you deserve better.” Odin's voice matched Loki's in frostiness.

The rest of the conversation drowned into the background as you sat there, trying to understand what just happened. You had expected Odin to humiliate you, but ...

Had he just called you Loki's _whore_?

In front of his family? In front of your friends?

_JesusChrist. This man was way beyond you._

You were not sure if you were furious or just angry with him, but you were sure about one thing.

You were hurt.

Tears pricked your eyes and you pushed your chair back harshly as you stood.

“Excuse me.”

You whispered and quickly glanced at Frigga before you rushed out of the room, bringing your hand to your mouth, so not to start sobbing or screaming or whatever it was you were about to do.

Loki was right behind you.

You did not even know where to go, so you rushed out of the dining room and down the corridor and then just stopped in the middle of the entrance hall, hiding your face in your hands.

You were angry. But more so, you were hurt. Humiliated. 

Odin had actually managed to hurt your feelings.

Odin was Loki's father, and that was what he thought of you? 

Maybe it hit you so hard, because everyone else in Loki's family had been so kind and welcoming.

Loki's warm hands rubbed your shoulders carefully before he turned you around to pull you into his embrace, letting one of his hands soothingly roam over your back.

"He hates me, doesn't he?"

“I would have never brought you here had I known this would happen. I swear, I would never have allowed this …”

You heard Thor's booming voice coming from the direction of the dining room and the shouting was followed by a door slamming and angry footsteps drawing closer. You burrowed your face in Loki's chest.

“There is no excuse for father's behaviour.”

You could tell Thor's voice was vibrating with anger. It amazed you. You had actually never experienced him angry.

“It was my mistake. I should never have brought her here. ”

“No, mother wanted to meet her and nobody who enters _mother's_ house should be treated this way. I do not know what possessed him to speak such words.”

“Thank you, brother.” Loki kissed the top of your head. “Tell mother not to expect us to return to take the rest of our dinner – the same goes for breakfast. We will be leaving in the morning.”

Thor exhaled sharply.

“He has every right to offend _me_ with his words, but he had no right to hurt her.”

“I know Loki, I know.” Thor sighed.

“This is my family. People I – people I _trust_.”

As Loki spoke the words, you realised that as much as Odin's words had hurt you, it was infinitely more painful to Loki.

Loki had even defended Odin. He trusted him. This was his father.

It must feel as though Odin had betrayed him.

“I'm sorry, Y/N. You really did not deserve that.”

Thor muttered and patted your shoulder in a brotherly way, and Loki's arm came around you as he walked you upstairs, leaving Thor standing in the hall.

Loki did not take you to your room, however, as you had expected, but he walked you up to the very top of the stairs before he turned left and pushed open a set of intricately carved doors.

“Welcome to my kingdom.” He made an inviting gesture with his hand.

You wiped the tears off your cheeks and cautiously stepped inside a dimmly lit round hall that had four doors leading off it. Everything, even the walls, was furnished in dark wood.

Loki closed the door behind you as you entered, and leaned against it watching you.

You took a good look around. The wooden panels were carved beautifully, displaying what you thought must be mythological characters. There were wolves and snakes. Women with long flowing hair. Small figures that looked like dwarfs. There was Thor with his hammer. You stepped closer to one of the doors, which were plain polished wood, apart from a golden disk about five inches wide that was mounted at eye level and featured what looked like a letter.

The letters were red. The colour of blood.

It felt as though you had just stepped into a sorcerer's den. 

You walked up closer to trace one of them with your fingers.

They were not letters you could read. Not from the Roman alphabet. Then it struck you.

“Runes?”

“Yes.”

You walked from one door to the next.

“I recognise this one. Othala. It's in Thor's name.”

Loki stepped up to you and took your hand into his.

There was a sadness lingering in his eyes that you yearned to clear away.

“What do they mean? What's their significance?”

Loki pulled you over to the door to the left of the one you had been inspecting. For a moment he just stood there, then he traced his fingers over the rune.

“Laguz. _Water_.” His hand dropped away and he took a deep breath. “Water is a symbol for life and consciousness. All of life is dependent on water and consciousness pervades all life. Laguz represents the primordial ocean - the unity in all creation. Laguz is the energy that pervades everything manifest in the universe.”

You could not help but stare at him. The way he spoke the words, with such reverence and conviction, as if it was not merely the meaning of a symbol, but a concept, a whole philosophy of life. 

“They are not simply letters.”

He seemed to be reading your thoughts or maybe he just noticed the way you looked at him.

“They are symbols of great power, magical symbols that explain the underlying forces that work in our world and the universe. At least that is what people believed back then.”

_Ok, well, he sounded like he believed it too._

You were intrigued to find yet another side of him.

Loki pulled you over to the next door.

“Othala. _Homeland or inheritance._ The ancestral power and knowledge of past generations. Othala represents our own and our ancestor's karmic deeds. It holds the wisdom and knowledge of our lineage.”

The fervor that laced Loki's words as he spoke of the rune's meaning was utterly captivating, and the glint in his eyes let you know that he enjoyed how enthralled you were by his words. To your relief, the heaviness in his gaze lifted and his eyes became alight with a passionate sparkle as he pulled you along to the next door.

“Kenaz. _Torch_.” He traced the rune with his finger, a small smile lingering on his lips. “A symbol for knowledge and intellect. Fire can destroy or it can give warmth and nourishment. It can illumine. Kenaz stands for harnessing energies greater than yourself in order to transform and illumine darkness. Kenaz is the use of knowledge to illumine ignorance, and it is the unlimited potential to learn and transcend.”

_Wow. You had to admit, all that information on runes was pretty out of the ordinary - especially coming from the mouth of a Manhattan based bad-ass lawyer._

_Right now, Loki did sound more like someone who had stepped out of Game of Thrones or Lord of the Rings._

You followed him to the forth door.

“Isa. _Ice_. Symbolising stillness. Ice shows us that there is dynamic power in the stillness. It seems static and yet, there is no greater force than the slow movement of a glacier grinding away on the rock underneath. Like fire, ice has the ability to kill and preserve life. Isa solidifies the energy of fire. So it can manifest knowledge. It is a rune of control and of focus and teaches mastery over life through discipline.”

Loki pulled you back to the centre of the room and pointed at each door as he spoke the name of each rune.

“Laguz, Othala, Kenaz and Isa.”

He waited.

“L-O-K-I -?”

You stated excitedly and the dark god awarded you a proud smile.

“That is - amazing.”

You were happy to see the sadness gone from his eyes as they glanced down at you with much tenderness and warmth.

You looked up at him sheepishly.

“So, what's behind the doors?”

“My living room, bedroom, library and meditation room.”

“Wait – you have your own library?”

He nodded.

“And a meditation room?”

Another nod.

“Wow, you're kind of a legal Norse mythology geek with a pinch of spirituality?”

“Impertinent pet.”

He growled and grabbed your sides to tickle you. You squeaked and squirmed to get out of his grip. He allowed you escape surprisingly fast.

“I guess, I am a bit of a geek. While others wanted to be pilots and train drivers, I wanted to practice magic when I was young. Become a sorcerer.”

He moved his hands through the air as if conjuring something.

“You're kidding me.”

“No kidding. I actually used to possess a profound knowledge on healing plants and herbs when I lived here with mother. She is very knowledgable when it comes to healing.”

You smiled at the thought of little Loki roaming through the forest looking for herbs. That was positively cute.

“Which room would you like to see first?”

He asked as he wrapped his arms around you from the back.

“Bedroom.”

You deadpanned.

“Naughty kitten. If I let to see that room first, we will not make it out of there for a while, I am afraid.”

“Why? Are you going to tie me up?”

_Yikes. Kind of slipped out._

Loki purred.

“Why? Would you _like_ that?”

Your body reacted instantly to the insinuation in his voice.

_Damn. You had been kidding. Well, kind of._

“I also have about a dozen other ideas of what I could do with you in there.”

_Oh dear._

Loki's hands were slowly moving up the sides of your body while his lips grazed your right ear. You whimpered as his hands almost cupped your breasts.

_Almost._

_He let them linger right underneath._

“Not tonight though.” He whispered. “Choose a different room.”

_Really? Really, LOKI? You think you can tease like this and then …_

_Why did he have to be such a gentleman with you, when he had no problem ravishing others in elevators and coffee kitchens._

“Loki --” You started but he interrupted you.

“There are things I want you to know about me before I – before we – I do not wish to rush into things with you.”

“I don't _mind_ rushing.”

“But I do. I want you to be sure about this. _Us_.”

“Damn it, Loki, it's not like we're getting married just because we have sex. Why do you have to be such a gentleman all of a sudden? Whatever happened to Lucifer? Bring him back.”

He chuckled.

“Patience, my pet. Believe me there is nothing I would rather do than ravish you right here, right _now_.”

You moaned softly at the thought.

You sucked in your breath and closed your eyes when his hands came up to cup your breasts. Loki's thumbs brushing over your nipples that lay hidden underneath the fabric of your blouse.

“Would you _like_ that, kitten? Being _ravished_ by a god?”

_Devil._

“God, _yes_.”

He brought his lips to a spot just beneath your ear and started suckling it. You moaned.

_God this damn man was teasing you again._

“Don't - tease me.”

His teeth grazed over your skin and he bit down gently, sending a current of pleasure right through your body and between your legs.

Then his left hand moved up the column of your throat and you let your head fall back against his shoulder, while his other hand slipped down between your legs to cup you through your pants.

_Oh god. Yes. Yes. Yes._

Loki pulled you back against him, and the evidence of his own arousal pressing against your backside sent another river of ecstasy through you.

Your hands came up to grab something, anything really, as the pressure he invoked inside your body was quickly becoming unbearable. One of them tangled in his hair, the other dug into the fabric of his shirt somewhere on his shoulder.

You could feel his lips widen in a smile against your skin of your neck.

_Damn bastard. He was enjoying making you mad with want._

_And good lord, you wanted him._

His name escaped your lips and the devil's fingers gently stroked your throat, while his teeth, tongue and lips slowly nibbled and licked down your neck. His other hand was firmly pressed against you, effectively locking you in his hold.

You felt yourself melt. Desperately.

The way he held you in place, the way he nibbled on your skin, the way his hand was pressed against your womanhood, aroused you to a point it actually hurt.

You whimpered and Loki must have sensed your distress, because he finally moved the hand that lay between your legs, rubbing his fingers firmly over the fabric of your pants.

_Ohgodohgod_

“Such a good little kitten.” 

 _Shit_ **.**

He was playing you like an instrument. Knowing exactly which string to pluck and when. And when to stop to add a break for a more dramatic effect.

You groaned in frustration as his fingers stilled.

_Damn devil._

_Enough_.

You pushed your hips back hard, grinding your backside into his hardness.

Loki hissed and growled against your skin. With a quick move of his hand he ripped the buttons of your jeans open and pushed his hand inside.

“Ohgodlokiyes. _Yes_.”

His grip on you tightened as pressed his hand against your warmth and a deep purr rose from the depth of his chest.

But he did not move otherwise. Just traced his lips over your skin.

_God, this man was obviously trying to kill you - subjecting you to a slow and painful death by hyper-arousal._

You felt yourself pulse against his fingers that rested against your warmth. Merely the sensation of them touching your hypersensitive area, sent goosebumps all over your skin.

"Please, Loki." You whispered.

At last, one of his long fingers started to move.

Your breath hitched. A choked sound escaped you. It may have been a whimper or a mewl. Whatever it was, it was _desperate_.

Loki's finger stroked you slowly, seeking your warmth, and you felt a painful need taking over your entire body as you moved your hips against his hand.

A second skilled finger joined the first, and, as they sank into you, they seemed to knew exactly what to do to make you pant Loki's name in a most desperate way, between short gasps for air.

You felt unbearable heat rising up your back and spreading through your body, while the painful knot between your legs screamed for relief.

“Do you want me, pet?”

“What the _hell_ , _Loki_!?” You panted.

A devious chuckle left his lips, his breath brushing over your skin as he licked his way from your shoulder to your ear, never once wavering in the ministrations his deft fingers bestowed upon you. They were moving in an out of you in _an infuriatingly_ slow rhythm.

“I believe I need to teach you the value of patience, kitten.”

You gave him your answer by grinding your hips hard against him and tightening your fingers in his hair, making him hiss.

Loki's hand squeezed your throat and you stilled.

“Behave, kitten. If you are a good girl, I shall be willing to grant you release.”

_Ohjesusloki._

_He really was the devil._

“Loki -”

“Even if I gave you what you wanted, I would have to prepare you properly. You are too needy, too tense. Two years is a long time, pet.”

“I just want -”

He moved his fingers, curling them inside you. You shuddered and closed your eyes. Quickly loosing control over your rational mind.

You just wanted – _relief_.

You _needed_ relief.

“Does this feel good?”

“Yes.”

“Are you going to be a good girl?”

“Yes.”

“Do you still want me to ravish you?”

“God, _yes_.”

“And will you wait until I allow it?”

“Geez. Loki. Please.”

He dug his teeth into your neck and you screamed his name.

“ _Disobedience_ , kitten, will not go unpunished."

_Good god._

"I will grant you release _only if you learn to be patient.”_

“O-ok.”

_Anything **.** Anything you ask._

“Good girl. Now kiss me.”

You turned your head towards him and as soon as your lips opened, his tongue invaded you with such force it almost tipped you over the edge. You whimpered into the kiss and Loki pushed his fingers deeper, while brushing his palm over your throbbing clit.

“Let go.” He whispered against your lips. “Let go, and come for me. Come for your _god_.”

_Damn this man._

You screamed his name, as the pressure released in a powerful wave of sweet relief. Your body jerked as waves of pleasure pulsed through you. Loki held you, thrusting his fingers deeper into you as you rode out your bliss.

_Heavens, he really knew what he was doing._

Loki had been right. Two years were a long time - and all the times you had used your hand to relieve yourself had been a complete joke compared to what he had just done to you.

It took you a while to come down. You leaned against him, your heart beating frantically and your forehead sticky with perspiration.

Only when you stopped rocking against his hand, did Loki carefully extract his fingers. But instead of pulling away completely, he cupped you gently with his hand.

“Beautiful.” He whispered reverently against your ear. “Gods, you are so beautiful.”

He pressed a soft kiss against your temple.

You lifted your head off his shoulder when his hand dropped from your throat and your body went limp against him. Loki pulled his hand out of your pants to allow you to turn around.

“Does it feel better now?”

You could not believe the sincerity that laced his words, after having _teased_ you and _tormented_ you to orgasm.

You nodded and felt his hardness pressing against you lower belly.

“What about you?”

“I've learnt to discipline myself over the years, so let that be my problem, kitten.”

You closed your eyes, tired and elated at the same time.

Then you felt his moist fingers brush against your lips and caught a whiff of your own juices. You opened your eyes to look up at him.

Loki's eyes were black as he bent down to lick your lips and devour you with a kiss.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that!!
> 
> I actually hadn't planned the smut until a later chapter ... that's the trouble when Loki's your muse - once you let him loose he just does what he wants!!!  
> .... probably got inspired by Valentine's Day....  
> Guess it was nice to get some kind of relief after what happened at dinner.
> 
> Let's see if and how Odin can recover from this.  
> Yikes. Loki's definitely a lot like his dad ... just like Hela said in Ragnarok - "You sound like him."


	25. If you lie down with the devil ...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So ... a little insight into Loki's bedroom....

_If you could see me through my mother's eye_  
_Only then would you begin to realise_  
_All the places I have ever been_  
_Have scared me half to death or_  
_Somewhere in-between._

_~Robbie Williams, love calling earth_

 

There was a soft knock on your door and neither of you reacted to it. Loki kept lazily stroking your hair and you just savoured the feel of him, nestled against his warm body, face buried in the crook of his neck. You lay on your sides, bodies facing each other. Your knees were touching his and your hands were placed gently against Loki's chest, feeling the taut muscle underneath his shirt and his slow heart-beat, as though you could soak up his strength and warmth through the palms of your hands.

He had ended up showing you the library, which was a formidable room with bookshelves that reached right up to the ceiling and were made from the same dark wood as the entrance way. The architectural layout of the library was spectacular. The wooden shelves were built in the shape of a spiral, narrowing towards the centre of the room, where you discovered a spiral staircase leading up to a narrow rod iron walkway that ran along the entire length of the shelves about ten foot above the ground.

The ceiling of the room was twice as high as most other rooms and Loki explained that his rooms where higher because they extended right up into the space where the attic used to be.

Whilst still in the hall, you had thought that you had entered a sorcerer's den. Walking into the library felt somewhat like walking straight into a fantasy book about wizardry and you had the uncanny feeling that you would find owls snoozing up in the beams somewhere, encounter a house elf or any other Harry Potter character, because somewhere along the line you had managed to sneak into Hogwart's without even knowing it.

Loki's "kingdom" had something mystical, surreal and mysterious that made him even more intriguing.

He let you explore and disappeared to the upper level for a while before he returned with a couple of books that he placed in your hands with a cheeky smile on his face.

You inspected the covers.

An ancient looking book on Norse Mythology and a new one with a beautifully printed cover in blue and gold, called “The Gospel of Loki”.

You raised an eyebrow at him.

“Thought it would do you good to learn a little more about your god. I'd say you will enjoy the second one, it has my kind of humour.”

“What? Sassy-ass kind of humour?”

“Always so eloquent, kitten.”

“Who – _planned_ all this?” You gestured around the room.

“I did. With a little help from father.” He smiled smugly at the astonishment that must have shown on your face, then he added casually, “When I was thirteen.”

A low chuckle escaped him and he put his finger on your chin to push it up.

“Your gaping.” He whispered.

“ _Thirteen?_ ”

“Well, to be honest, I was twelve. It was my thirteenth birthday present. That is why it has a magical touch, because I was merely a boy … with big dreams.”

“You're a genius!”

“Took you long enough to admit it.”

“God of Sass.”

“ _Your_ god of Sass.”

He nuzzled the side of your face with his nose and brushed his lips over your cheek. You shivered and pressed the books in your arms tighter against your chest.

It was fascinating how being in his home brought out a completely different side of him. The childlike softness and gentleness that you had only seen once, that time on the beach. It was hard to believe that he was the same man who intimidated and terrorised his employees.

Loki's lips wandered along your jaw to the corner of your mouth where he halted briefly, before he gently nipped at your upper lip. You opened your lips to meet him, slipping your tongue into the warm cavern of his mouth and he responded with a soft moan as he ran his own along yours.

It was an incredibly tender and intimate kiss.

And it had you brimming with the need to feel more of him within seconds.

Loki pulled away. Resting his forehead against your own.

“I better take you back to your room.” He sighed.

“Can I stay up here? With you?”

His eyes searched yours. Then he held out his hand to you.

“Come.”

You put your hand in his.

Your eyes grew wide when Loki stopped in front of a bookshelf, pressed his free hand against it and it moved aside like a sliding door, opening a secret passage to another room. Loki motioned you to step through it. He followed, closing the doorway behind you.

The room on the other side was lit by the silver light of the moon coming through the windows on the far wall. When Loki snapped his fingers, the lights came on, illumining the room with a soft glow.

The walls were covered with an elaborate dark green wallpaper, a wardrobe and bookshelves covered the wall you had entered through. In the centre of the room stood a large bed, with dark green satin sheets and a beautifully carved headboard. The same style of carvings you had seen out in the hall.

Above the bed hung a painting of a ginger-haired, sly looking man sitting by a pool of water with some nymphs reaching up to him.

_Loki._

The god. You guessed.

Two sheathed daggers decorated the wall underneath.

The wall opposite was bare apart from two doors that blended into with the wall paper and were situated on either end of the wall, one was right beside where you stood, the other was on the far end, by the window.

“Is this the door that leads to the hall?”

You pointed to the door beside you and Loki nodded.

“So, what's the other door?”

“Ensuite. Even gods need the bathroom.” He winked.

“And how do you get to the next room from here? Is there another secret passage?”

Loki laughed softly.

“Curiosity killed the kitten."

You glared at him.

"If I told you, it would not be secret anymore, would it?”

He teased and you rolled your eyes. Then a smirk crept on your face.

“Well, since you are not going to show me around, I guess there's not much else to do in here but to go to bed.”

Loki moved to sit on the edge of the bed, pulling you towards him so you came to stand between his legs.

“Do not get your hopes up, kitten.”

He sighed as he leaned against you and you combed your fingers through his hair.

“You are taking the no sex before the wedding night quite serious, aren't you?”

He chuckled and you shivered when his hot breath hit your skin as he pulled your shirt up to place a chaste kiss on your belly.

“You should have noticed by now that I am a _very_ conservative kind of person.”

You laughed.

“From what I've heard – and _seen_ \- the devil is not exactly what I would call _conservative_.”

“He is an angel.”

“ _Used_ to be an angel.”

“Hm.” Loki nuzzled his face against your tummy, which made you giggle.

Then he let himself fall back on the bed with a sigh, pulling you down with him so that you straddled his hips.

“I want you.” He said rubbing his hands up and down your thighs. “I want you in so many ways, I do not even know where to start.”

He got hold of your wrists and pulled you down towards him for a kiss.

If it would not have been the devil lying there beneath you, you would have said it was a _shy_ kiss.

Loki let you go and groaned.

“I do not understand it myself, but I cannot – cannot go any further - not until I am sure.”

“ _Sure_?”

“That you are ready. _And_ willing.”

“I'm willing.  _More_ than willing, actually.”

You smirked and ground your hips against him and Loki closed his eyes.

“Enchantress.” He hissed.

When he opened them again you were surprised to find them soft, instead of dark with desire, and his hand came up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

“I want you to know exactly what you are getting yourself into before you agree to this – to me.”

His fingers threaded in your hair, pulling your face towards his, ocean eyes focused on your lips.

“You are more than just a fuck to me.”

He breathed against your lips as his brushed over your own, tongue sliding out to trace your lower lip.

You moaned.

“I want your trust. Your _complete_ trust.”

He tightened his fingers in your hair and pushed his tongue into your mouth, melding his lips against yours in a tender yet undeniably dominant kiss that spread heat through your entire body. You mewled into his mouth as he held you in place with one hand firmly in your hair.

_This man._

_Even when you were on top he had to be in charge._

As if he had heard your thoughts, Loki eased his grip on you, allowing you to pull away. Not letting you go far though. Merely an inch from his own face. His eyes were closed and his lips brushed over yours as he spoke.

“I want you to _own_ me. Make me _yours_. Make me _need_ you. Helplessly – and – _desperately_ need you.”

His words triggered a rush of arousal that was accompanied by an unaccustomed feeling of power, which excited you to the very core of your being.

It was quite likely the most sexy thing a man had ever said to you.

“Will you grant me this favour?” He whispered against your lips.

_Well, how could you deny a request like this?_

“Yes.”

“Then promise that you will get to know me before you sleep with me."

_You knew there was a catch to it._

His eyes opened and he pierced you with his gaze as he spoke.

"I want to give you a choice. If there is anything you do not like, anything you fear or despise about me - you can leave. But once you commit to this, there will be no turning back. I will _not_ let you go, do you understand?”

You shuddered at his words.

You knew he meant it. It was a threat and a promise at the same time.

And it was a warning.

He gave you a choice, and for a good reason.

Loki was one of the most intelligent people you knew, but he was quite likely also one the most screwed up people you had ever encountered.

He was well aware and he offered you an avenue of escape.

But most of all he admitted that he was vulnerable. He was afraid that there was something about him that you would not be able to accept. Afraid that you would leave him. And yet he gave you the opportunity to.

You understood that this was not so much about _you_ being ready. This was about him.

Him being ready to trust you.

You leaned down to seal his lips with a kiss and gave him your promise.

You would wait until he was ready for you.

It was oddly arousing to know that he feared you, because it meant that he saw you as an equal - no matter how possessive and dominant he was. A fact that made his dominant streak even more enticing.

He sighed softly into the kiss and when you pulled away to search his eyes, it felt as though a river of pure emotion rushed straight through you, pooling in your heart, and you bent down to touch your lips to his again, pouring it all into the kiss in the hope that he would be able to feel it.

In this moment, you knew with every fibre of your being that you _loved_ this man.

Man. God. Devil.

Whatever you needed him to be.

He owned you. 

And you were going to make him yours.

Whatever the cost.

 

The knock on the door came again.

Loki rose his head without taking his hand off your hair.

“Who is it?”

“Frigga. May I come in please?”

Her muffled voice came from behind the door.

“Yes, come in, mum.”

You lifted your head, when the door opened to reveal a concerned looking Frigga.

Considering that you were lying on his bed, basically in Loki's arms, you were not entirely sure how she would react, but Loki had called her in and you trusted him not to expose you to anymore painful experiences.

Apart from that, Loki did not move when she entered. He kept his one hand on your hair, while his other hand was still curled around your shoulder and back as you had been lying against him with your face in the crook of his neck.

“Thor told me that you are planning to leave in the morning.”

“I do not see why we should stay any longer, since we do not seem to be welcome here, mother.”

She sighed and sat down at the foot of the bed, glancing from you to Loki.

“You know that is not true, Loki. You are always welcome here, as are you, my dear.” Her eyes met yours and she held your gaze when she continued. “I wish to apologise for my husbands words. I came to ask you to reconsider. I am aware that what happened has hurt your feelings, so I cannot blame you for wanting to leave, and yet, I feel selfish enough to ask you to stay. There is so much I would like to know about you and discuss with you.” Her eyes moved briefly to Loki, before her gaze settled back on you.

“So much I would like to show you. Odin will be away for most of the day tomorrow anyway, so maybe you could at least stay for another day? Thor would be happy too.”

You held her gaze.

“What made him say - what he said?”

“My husband is very protective of his sons. Loki has been – well, he has been the cause of worry for both of us in the past - and Odin does not want to see him hurt.”

Loki huffed.

“I seriously doubt that, mum. He knew that he hurt me by saying that. I saw it – in his eyes – that's what I do not understand - I do not understand _why_.”

“Your father loves you, Loki. Never doubt that.”

“Well, he certainly does not show it.”

“Maybe you should go and speak with him.”

“He is the one who should come and apologise.”

“Always so proud.”

“Am I the proud one?”

Loki raised his voice and sat up, releasing you from his embrace.

“What has she done to deserve to be treated the way he treated her? What is her crime except for being in _my_ company?”

“Loki, please.” She reached out her hand but he ignored her.

“He is not concerned about me having _feelings_ for her. No. He does not trust that I can judge what is good for me or not. He still considers me insane. Still sees the - the monster he was too afraid to tell the truth to.”

“He never saw anything like that in you, Loki. You are our son, we did our best, Loki, to make you feel loved, and you know that.”

Loki's eyes flicked to you before he rubbed his hands over his face.

There were about a million questions popping up in your head right now and the look in his eyes said that he was well aware, but he was also not willing to answer them - yet.

Maybe you would find some answers somewhere else.

“I want to stay.” You heard yourself say and when Loki looked up at you in surprise you shrugged. “At least for another day. I would like to get to know your mother.”

Frigga offered you a gentle smile and reached out to pat your hand.

“Thank you. I appreciate it.”

She rose from the bed.

“I will see you tomorrow morning then?”

“Yes. See you tomorrow.”

"Goodnight."

She pulled the door closed behind her and Loki cast you an unreadable glance before he slipped off the bed to disappear into the ensuite, leaving the door open.

“I have a spare tooth brush in here somewhere, if you wish to stay up here with me.” You heard him say. “And you can use one of my shirts to sleep in.”

You spotted a set of heavy wooden drawers next to the bed and even though you felt a little cheeky when you climbed off the bed and opened the first drawer, this was likely the place where you would find a t-shirt or something. Something that smelled like him. You smiled a the thought.

Loki smelled sinfully good.

Well, the first drawer was underwear and socks, kind of what you had expected. Apparently you were on the right track.

When you pulled open the second drawer, you froze.

Well, that was _not_ what you had expected. But then … considering this was the devil's bedroom...

You stood, still staring at the contents of the drawer with a mixture of embarrassment and curiosity, when you heard Loki stepping out of the ensuite.

“If you really want to stay tomorrow, we should go out for a ...”

His words trailed off and your eyes snapped up to the mirror above the drawers that showed you Loki's reflection.

He had taken off his shirt, his hair looking slightly mussed, and he was wearing black silk pyjama pants.

_He looked almost too decent for your liking._

_Geez. Loki was really rubbing off on you._

_Well, unfortunately, he actually_ wasn't _._

You smirked at your own thoughts.

_Loki evidently was a bad influence._

Right now he just stared at you with this unreadable gaze that you found really hard to decipher.

He'd caught you snooping around in his things. Would he be angry with you?

When he narrowed his eyes you started to mutter an apology.

“Uh, I did not meant to - I was just looking for something to wear – like a – shirt or t-shirt – or...”

Loki raised an eyebrow.

“And – did you hit pay dirt?”

A smug smile tugged on the corners of his mouth, and while you knew you were not going to be in trouble for your discovery, you now felt your cheeks redden.

“Nothing _wearable_.” You countered. “Or maybe just not wearable in the way I expected?” You raised a suggestive eyebrow and he laughed.

"You have been spending too much time with me, kitten. But at least you are still blushing."

Loki closed the distance between you, never loosing your gaze in the mirror. He walked right up, pressing his body against your back and placing his hands to either side of you, on the edge of the open drawer.

“Are you embarrassed? Or shocked about this discovery? Tell me what is going on in your sweet mind, pet.”

He was literally caressing you with the low velvet of his voice.

“I am - intrigued.”

You offered as you dropped your gaze to the open drawer, that contained an assortment of hand cuffs, leather straps, chains, silk scarfs and several other items you had no clue of what to make of.

“Some of those things are actually _beautiful_.”

“She says so _innocently_ as she gazes into a drawer of BDSM items.”

Loki chuckled, unable to hide the amusement in his voice, and he placed a soft kiss on your neck that made you shiver.

The item that had caught your eye _was_ beautiful and you let your fingers run over it. It was leather, embellished with intricate Irish Knot patterns and lined with blue velvet. There was a silver buckle at end.

You lifted it out of the drawer and felt Loki harden against your backside. When you glanced up to meet his eyes in the mirror, they were black.

_Ok, uh - that was an – instant response._

“What – uh - what do you do with all this stuff? I mean, what do you do with it _here_? I thought you never brought anyone here? For sex, I mean?”

You felt yourself blushing again. Were you actually embarrassed or where you completely thrown off by Loki's instant reaction to the item that lay in your hands?

Loki's gaze was as focused and intense as a predator's, ready to pounce on his pray.

_Holy cow. How were you going to pull through with this whole no sex thing when he looked at you like this?_

He swallowed. And took a deep breath. 

You could see him relax. His eyes softened.

“I have never brought anyone here. These are all virgin items. Made for special occasions, but never used.”

“Oh. I see. And this?”

You held it up.

Loki licked his lips.

“Is a collar.”

“So, you -.” You bit your lip, vaguely aware that the action darkened Loki's gaze. “You weren't actually joking when you spoke about collaring me?”

“Not necessarily. No.”

_Not necessarily._

His answer made you chuckle.

“Not _necessarily_?”

Then Loki laughed one of those laughs that let you melt instantly. They were rare, because he only laughed like that in moments of embarrassment, and he hardly suffered any of those.

He looked away, cast his eyes down and laughed softly, showing his pearly whited teeth and those dimples appeared on his cheeks that made him look absolutely adorable.

_Even though absolutely adorable seemed slightly out of place considering the conversation you were having._

“Now that you mention it, as a matter of fact, I wanted to collar you from the moment you came back to my office and asked me to re-write that cheque. Well, that was ... the first time.”

He did not meet your eyes when he spoke, and then he leaned down to rest his forehead on your shoulder so he could avoid your gaze.

"The _first_ time?"

"The second time was when Hela sent you over. I could not believe you had actually come back. I think I shocked even Sarah with the swear words I used over the phone when she told me you were waiting to see me. Gods, I tried so hard to intimidate you. Push you - away - all because - I wanted to make you mine so badly.”

“Why? Because I wasn't scared of you?”

“Because you – you stirred something in me that I had forgotten.”

“And what was that?”

“ _Not_ my _loins_.” He chuckled softly.

“You're an oaf, Loki.”

Embarrassed Loki was bewitchingly loveable though, so you reached up to affectionately dig your hand in his black hair and he purred.

“My heart.” He whispered so quietly you almost missed it.

He rubbed his forehead against your shoulder, before he raised his head to meet your eyes. His glacier blue ones glinting with vulnerability.

“That made you want to collar me?”

“I could not bear the thought of anyone else touching you - or looking at you - or having you in any way. You were so defiant. Unwilling to bow. Unwilling to surrender. And yet so – undeniably drawn to me.”

“This is what it means to you? To claim me? Possess me?"

“It means that you give yourself to me. Surrender. Willingly submit to me and serve me. Be dependent on me to give you what you need or whatever I see fit. Trust me - implicitly - whatever I may do to you. Even – even if I chose to hurt you.”

Ok, this was where you would not follow him.

This just wasn't your kind of thing.

You could relate to the power and control thing, you found blindfolds and the idea of being tied up enticing, but not - pain. If he asked you to hurt you, you would never agree to it.

Loki could see it in your eyes, you were sure, because he closed his own for a brief moment before he fixed his gaze on yours again, while he carefully touched your shoulder as if to gauge your reaction. 

When you did not flinch or move away he deemed it safe to run his hands down your arms and place a kiss on your neck.

"Let us get some rest, love."

You allowed him to pull you away from the dresser and onto the bed, underneath the satin sheets.

With a quiet purr he moulded his body against your back, his arms snaking around your middle.

_Love._

It had not escaped you. 

Neither had his hesitant touch, which betrayed the fact that he was worried that he had pushed it too far. Worried that you would turn away from him, because he had suggested something that you obviously did not agree with. 

So vulnerable and yet so - _dark_.

That was the only word that matched what you were feeling.

He definitely had a talent for pushing you out of your comfort zone and you were more and more aware that this was one of the things that made him so dangerously attractive.

You placed one of your hands over his, gingerly running your fingers along his own.

“Do you still want it? To collar me, I mean?” 

You whispered.

The answer was a quiet breath.

“I do.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure where that collar part came from but it gave me lots of joy to write and speaks much about Loki, I think.  
> Hope you enjoyed it too!!


	26. Hot as hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ... ok, I swear that I was actually writing the walk in the garden with Frigga, and then this happened ....

Loki was already showered and dressed when you woke. You blinked as he sat next to you on the bed, watching you.

“What are you doing?” You asked sleepily.

“Watching you.”

You smiled and let your hand travel up his thigh to meet one of his that was resting there. Loki responded carefully to your touch, turning the palm of his hand up so you could run your fingers over it before you wrapped them around it to pull it towards your face, pressing it against your lips.

“Why are you already dressed and radiant, my highness?”

“I thought I could watch you sleep for a while, before I would undress you slowly and send you off to shower. After which you could entertain me by allowing me to watch you dress for the day.” He deadpanned.

You chuckled.

“And here I thought you were adoring me in an innocent, romantic way.”

Loki intertwined his fingers with yours and moved to lie down, so that his body stretched out next to yours, propping himself up on an elbow. His gaze was soft but no less intense, as he glanced at you.

Which was all he did for a while.

_God, sometimes you were dying to know what went on in this mind of his._

Without warning, he placed a soft kiss on your hand and leaned forward to place another one on your cheek. At the same time he let go of you to allow his hand to slowly roam along your neck to your collarbone, further down between your breasts, and under the sheet to settle on your waist.

His lips touched the shell of your ear. Then your jaw. Your throat.

Wish a gentle push he tipped you over onto your back and kissed your collarbone and down your sternum, before he lowered his head and rested his forehead on the centre of your chest.

“I cannot merely adore you.” His warm breath soaked through the fabric of the shirt you were wearing. “I gave up on that as soon as I touched you for the first time.”

He lifted his head and started unbuttoning the shirt you were wearing, slowly, one button at a time, pushing it open just enough to expose some of your skin and leaving a trail of kisses down the centre of your body until he reached the last button and placed his lips on the skin just above your briefs.

By that time your breathing was coming in short pants and heat was spreading through your limbs. When you moved your hips upwards, he pushed his hand against them to keep you in place, before he raised his head to look at you. 

You could not read his gaze. it was odd because even though there was not a trace of lust in it, his pupils were full blown black.

A soft smile spread on his lips as he leaned forward to nuzzle your cheek with his nose.

“Enchantress.” He whispered. “I cannot adore you, I cannot admire you, I cannot even lust for you. I can only _revere_ you. Your scent, your looks, the way your cheeks glow when I embarrass you, the way your eyes glint when you are angry, the way you shiver when I entice you, your mewls and whimpers, the softness of your skin, your sweet innocence when you ask me about collaring you, your wit, your artistic talent, your sharp tongue. It all deserves veneration.”

_Bloody hell, that wasn't exactly what you had expected._

He drew his nose along your jaw, down your neck.

“I do not merely wish to give you pleasure, I desire to worship you.”

_Jesus, Loki!_

He kept caressing your skin with the tip of his nose and the brush of his lips as he spoke.

“It is easy to hold myself back, because it is worth it. _You_ are worth it. Do not see yourself as an object of pleasure, but as a beautiful creature deserving of undying reverence and respect.”

His eyes were deep and clear, when he gazed at you and you realised that he meant every single word he had said.

He had a deep kind of respect for you that you did not even have yourself. Overcome by sentiment, you felt tears welling up in your eyes and the look on his face changed to one of concern.

“Did I – did I say anything wrong?”

_How could he be so insecure, when he had just said such wonderful things?_

“I – I am not good with expressing my feelings – I did not meant to – I apolog--”

You cupped his face and pulled him down to seal his lips before he could stumble over any more words.

Only after your tongue met his, he relaxed into the kiss, and purred as he threaded his fingers through your hair, thumbs gingerly stroking your cheeks.

When your lips parted he brought his hand up to wipe the tears that were now spilling out of the outer corners of your eyes, rolling down into your hair. He furrwoed his brow.

“Why are you crying?”

You laughed and sniffled.

“Because nobody has ever said anything this beautiful to me.”

His eyes widened before he huffed, then grinned – evidently proud of himself that despite his “incapacity” of expressing his feelings the words had come out right.

_God, he was such a kid. Positively adorable._

“You mean what you just said, right?”

“Why would I need to flatter you with empty words?”

_Geez, Loki. You are by far the most wonderful and terrifying person in this entire world._

“I've never even seen myself this way.”

“You should.” He lowered his head to nibble along your jawline.

“A few weeks ago, you did not see it either ...”

“Oh, I did. And it scared me. I was not necessarily comfortable with being so insanely attracted to a woman.”

“I thought you just wanted to have sex with me?”

“Trust me, I did.” He chuckled as he planted chaste kisses along the side of your face. “But there is a difference between shameless lust and sexual reverence.

I never slept with a woman I did not respect. Never took without giving, or did anything they would not agree to. I always made sure that each and every one of them got their fair amount of pleasure out of our encounters. My father may call them whores, but to me they were beautiful starved creatures that thirsted for someone to please them, to give them value and pleasure.”

“And you call _me_ peculiar?”

“I gave them what they wanted. Whatever they _needed_. Pleasure, pain, power. But you – you thirst for something else entirely. You neither lust after power nor sexual pleasure - you desire – me. _Me_ of all people." He sniggered softly against your skin. "Which means that you are either very brave or totally insane. I am still trying to wrap my head about this, but since this is what you desire, I will offer you what you deserve. You deserve not only respect. You deserve reverence and _worship_.”

You shuddered as he breathed the words against your skin.

“I think you are the most insane and beautiful man I've ever met, Loki.”

He chuckled.

“I take that as a compliment.” Then he cocked an eyebrow and offered you a smirk. “May I undress you now?”

You rolled your eyes at him.

_Geez. This man._

“You may.”

But as his hand lowered to brush aside the shirt that still covered most of you, you tensed. You realised that even though the two of you had spent hours in each others embrace, he had never seen you naked and it made you terribly self-conscious. You were not wearing anything but your lacy briefs underneath his shirt. What if he was disappointed about what he would find? Too large, too small, too … 

Loki's eyes shifted to yours and he scowled.

“Stop that. _Right_ _now_. No matter what I am going to find, it will be more than satisfying.”

_Was it really this easy to read your thoughts?_

“I meant what I said. It is who you are, not what you _look_ like that makes me want to worship you. It is not dependent on looks or even my likes or dislikes." He huffed and shook his head. "You claim to accept me – screwed up person that I am – and yet you cannot accept yourself?”

_Well, he had a point there, but ..._

“But you – you are _perfect,_ Loki.”

A raised eyebrow and a lopsided grin turned his face verily into the countenance of mischief.

“Am I now?”

_Oh, that low purr in his voice would kill you one day._

“Well, at least your body is. And your face. And eyes … and hands … your skin … I mean, you actually _look_ like a god, while I'm obviously an ordinary mortal.”

He frowned.

“I should punish you for uttering such profane things."

“Hmm.”

_Maybe ..._

“Little minx.”

He pushed the shirt open, revealing your bare breasts and lowered his lips to trace the soft curves.

“Ordinary mortal.” He tutted “Utter blasphemy.”

It actually made you chuckle, but the amusement did not last long as the ministrations he afforded your body quickly drew you in a different direction.

Loki placed kissed around the curves of your breasts, careful to avoid touching your already tight buds. He refrained from using his tongue, or do anything that could arouse you in a more intense way, and you understood that it was not on his agenda to bring you to the breaking point.

He merely wanted to sample you, taste you, not bring you to climax.

That was – new to you. You were used to the fact that sex usually led down a certain road with a certain goal. Men you had been with had only ever chased their own pleasure, which meant they wanted to come. Some of them had wanted to see you come, to trigger their own release. You had never encountered anyone who simply wanted to nibble and taste - for mere enjoyment. 

Loki seemed to get just as much out of this as he would get out of sheathing himself inside you and listening to the sweet melody of you screaming his name as he found his release.

Right now, Loki was in the seventh heaven of delight, indulging in sensations - of your scent - the softness of your skin - your response to his touch. It was oddly beautiful and arousing in a different kind of way, and you decided to try and relax. To allow him to explore.

And worship you.

His lips wandered down your body, inhaling your scent and peppering kisses over your skin, until his nose ran along the hem of your briefs. He halted for a moment, and you let out a sigh of anticipation. Which he took as approval to move further.

His open mouth moved, the hot breath sinking through the lace, making you shudder. You heard him inhale deeply as he pressed his nose and mouth against your warmth.

A low purr rose from his chest.

He stayed like this and did not move. His breath caressing you in a most intimate way.

It was wildly erotic to have his face pressed against you, him, savouring your scent, relishing in your warmth and doing nothing else.

Before he pulled away, he pressed his lips against your mound. Then he moved his attention to your inner thighs.

A heavy sigh escaped you.You could swear that you could feel him chuckle against your skin, although you could not hear him.

You tried harder to relax, but the pressure was building now and the need becoming desperate.

“Relax.” Loki said softly. “Just feel me. Savour my touch.”

_How the hell could he be so calm?_

_You knew he was aroused, but he talked with a voice so calm you would think this was a casual chat about the weather._

“How?” You whimpered.

“Close your eyes. Focus on my touch. Relax.”

You did as he told you. Well, you tried.

When his hands ran up your sides, you raised your arms over your head, and Loki pulled the shirt up to have access to your bare body. His lips roamed over your skin with a feeling of purpose, as if he was trying to commit every little curve to memory.

And for a moment you felt yourself relax. His touch became the only thing in your awareness. The way his fingers danced over your skin. The way his lips caressed you.

But when his fingers hooked under your briefs and pulled them down, your breath hitched.

“Shh.” Loki breathed against your skin.

_Oh. God._

The only two words your brain was able to process in this moment. Other than that, your 'vocabulary' was reduced to mewling, whimpering and moaning.

Loki did not seem to mind.

At all.

He pulled your panties down your legs and over your ankles, before he proceeded to run his hands from your ankles upwards, thumbs rubbing gentle circles on your skin. When he reached your hipbones, you moaned softly, and he let his hands wander back down to your ankles.

He repeated this before he kissed his way down from thigh to ankle on one leg, then the other.

By now not only heat was pooling between your legs, and you desperately pressed your thighs together.

Loki wrapped his hands firmly around your ankles. The move eliciting a desperate groan and a painful need in your lower regions.

“Little butterfly.” Loki breathed. “Do you need relief?”

_Oh. God. Please._

Your eyes snapped open to find him staring at you with a gaze as pure and crystal clear as glacier water.

All you could do was nod.

“Close your eyes again. And let go of your mind.”

You bit your lip and did as he asked.

With a quick move that made you gasp, Loki pulled your legs apart by your ankles, while at the same time pulling you down towards him and placing your legs over his shoulders.

Before you could even start to think about what he was doing, his mouth descended on your aching and throbbing parts, his tongue pushing into you, while his teeth grazed your sensitive nub. 

That was all it needed.

With a cry, your body arched up, but Loki held your hips in a tight grip, keeping his mouth at work with an intensity that had you fall apart in a few short breaths.

You shivered as heat flooded your body, and the built up need released into a moment of sweet and utter satisfaction. Your head fell back onto the cushions as you groaned in relief.

 _Holymotherofgod_.

Loki kept his mouth on you, gently sucking and licking, until your hips stilled and your awareness slowly returned to the room. You felt his soft hair between your fingers, unaware that you had moved your arms and tangled your fingers in his locks.

He finally lifted his head, placing kisses on your inner thighs, before he moved his lips up your body until he met yours.

You opened your eyes.

He was on his hands and knees, towering over you with a satisfied yet cautious expression.

“You are the devil after all.”

He laughed softly.

“Thought we had established that already.”

He cheekily nipped at your lip.

“Time for the shower, kitten, we will be late for breakfast otherwise and I doubt that you would want to explain to my mother why we are late. Although it would be worthwhile to make you explain it anyway, just to see that lovely blush on your cheeks.”

You grabbed a pillow but he caught it before you could do any damage.

He pecked your lips and climbed off the bed to walk over to the wooden drawers, where you spotted one of your dresses.

“I brought you something for you to wear from your room, since I felt you would not be into walking around the house naked.”

“Hm, that was incredibly thoughtful of you.”

“If it were up to me, I would let you walk around the house in this.” Loki picked up a smoky pink set of lingerie and held it up. “So that I could imagine all the ways of peeling you out of it.”

You actually blushed at his words and snatched the lingerie from his hands as you slid off the bed. When you wanted to pick up the dress, Loki held you back.

“ _That_ will be waiting for you right here until _after_ you showered."

You narrowed your eyes at him.

"To allow me a glimpse of you in lace - to spur on my fantasies.”

_Devil. You seriously doubted that his fantasies needed spurring on._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frigga follows ....


	27. Fallen angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Ok, Frigga's about to enter the stage ... no distractions this time ;)
> 
> Thanks to everyone for your comments and inspirations. It amazes me how popular this story is and how it develops in mysterious ways and still sticks to the basic outline I have had since the beginning. 
> 
> THANKS and enjoy....

 

_And I'd give up forever to touch you_  
_'Cause I know that you feel me somehow_  
_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_  
_And I don't want to go home right now_

_And I don't want the world to see me_  
_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_  
_When everything's meant to be broken_  
_I just want you to know who I am_

_~Goo Goo Dolls, Iris_

 

After breakfast Loki excused himself and left you alone with Frigga, who offered you a benevolent smile.

“Would you like to join me for a walk? In the garden?”

That actually sounded like a really nice thing to do, so you nodded.

“I would love to.”

She had been very accommodating and extremely kind to you during breakfast, evidently trying to make you comfortable after last night.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Like a baby."

You felt your cheeks heat up at the memory of what Loki had done to you a mere hour ago, but Frigga pretended not to notice.

You followed her out onto the terrace and down the wide stone steps that led into a beautifully cultivated garden with gravel paths and low hedges, lily ponds and an abundance of different flowers. There was even a secluded are to the right that looked like a labyrinth with yew tree hedges.

The garden reminded you of Monet's paintings, especially the ones of the famous garden path leading to his house and the lily ponds. It enchanted you and gave you the feeling you had just entered some heavenly realm of eternal beauty.

“This is a small paradise.”

“It is. I am very fortunate.” Frigga turned to you and rose her eyebrows. “So? What is it you would like to know about Loki?”

_This family was beginning to be slightly uncanny. Did they all have the gift of seeing straight through you?_

“How – how did you know that I was going to ask you about him?”

“I saw the look in your eyes last night and I know my son well enough to be aware that he has not told you much about him.”

You bit your lip. 

"I don't mean to ask things behind his back, but he doesn't tell me anything, even though he claims that he wants me to know him better. And then I hear things, accidentally. Like, I found out he's adopted – and I know he was addicted to drugs at some point in his life, and that he threw another man through a window of the second floor of a house … I guess, I just need answers.”

You sighed. Frigga settled on a marble bench and patted the spot beside her, inviting you to sit.

“I am not entitled to tell you _everything._ There are some things Loki needs to tell you himself. But I will do my best to answer your questions.”

“What was he like when he was a child?”

“Gentle. Careful. Attentive. Compassionate. Sensitive. Intelligent. Quiet. And on top of all that he was a mischievous little devil.”

You nodded.

Yes, you imagined him like that. Especially after you had seen the photo of the skinny, pale-skinned, raven-haired boy next to a white-blond, already well-built kid version of Thor.

“He's so different here. I mean, when he's with family. God, he was such an ass when I met him.”

Frigga laughed and you bit your tongue.

“Hela told me that you called him an arrogant asshole, when she first asked you to take on the job as his assistant.”

_Thanks, Hela. Great first impression to make on mum._

“I - uhm. Well, -"

Frigga put her hand on your arm.

"I found it amusing, and Hela thought that your loose tongue would be a good match for his. So did Thor. They actually came up with the plan of making you his personal assistant, while they were visiting here last time.”

_So, Thor had been in on it? Talk about little critter._

“Has everyone in this family got a talent for plotting and scheming?”

She laughed. 

"It seems so."

“Looks like I have a bone to pick with certain members of the family.”

“They have both been concerned about Loki for years, and merely have his best interests in mind. I do not know if you have any siblings, so maybe you don't know what it is like to see a little brother suffer. Loki has never had an easy life, unfortunately.”

“What happened to him?”

“He was born with a rare disease, which we battled throughout his childhood. He spent much of his time in hospitals or at home, the treatments were often very painful, and yet he was such a brave little boy. He learnt to endure pain and control his emotions, so that he would not cry in front of people. Loki was a gentle soul, but he was also blessed with a good dose of pride."

"Yes, he still has a healthy ego, but he doesn't look like a weak person to me."

"You would not see it now, but he used to be quite weak. Which unfortunately made him feel inadequate. He did not have the same capacity that Thor and his friends had when it came to physical strength. Thor was such a boisterous kid, a show-off most of the time, and even though he protected his little brother from others, Loki would also often end up as a showcase project for Thor's strength.” 

“The fate of the little brother, I guess."

You really felt for Loki.

He was bright, beautiful, intelligent now. He must have been a beautiful child.

"But Loki was a genius. He said he planned his rooms together with Odin when he was twelve.”

Frigga shook her head. 

“He's surprisingly humble. Odin encouraged him, but he did not help him. Odin merely handed the finished plans that Loki had drawn to the architect, who made a few small changes. So, yes, Loki is a genius and he was a highly gifted child. But he was far from normal. He could not go out and run and play, because his physical condition would not allow it, so he preferred to read. To withdraw into his own world."

"So why would he feel insecure?"

"Because Thor and Odin cast large shadows. It was Hela and I who encouraged Loki, so he could find some sun for himself. His heart always lay with mysteries. Mythology, runes, the stars and he loved both me and Odin – so he did his master in Norse mythology and astronomy, while he studied mathematics and fine arts.”

Your jaw dropped.

“Holy cow! He did _all_ that?”

“He did his degree in fine arts, but he did not finish mathematics. Studying was a way to keep his mind busy and find answers. Loki loves to question things. That is what makes him so good at finding people's weak points.” She sighed. "Sometimes not a desirable quality."

_Loki had studied fine arts?_

_And he_ was _a genius._

_You had made it through school with average marks and your degree in fine arts was average as well - no honours or anything spectacular._

_You felt like - an ordinary mortal, indeed._

“So, how - why did he get into drugs?”

Frigga's gaze darkened, a shadow of grief passing her features.

“Family tragedy." Her lips tightened. "Which led to him finding out about his past.”

“You mean, he did not _know_ he was adopted?”

“I asked Odin to be honest with him from the beginning. That there should be no secrets in the family.”

“So, why did he not tell him?”

“He kept the truth from him so that he would never feel different. Loki is _our_ son. And we are his family. No matter his blood relations.”

“How old was he when he found out?”

“Twenty-three.”

You felt your heart clench.

“Loki was a very honest child, always bent on speaking the truth. It was deeply confusing for him, when he found out that his true parents were criminals, who had actually driven people to ruin - and it came as a shock to him that Odin had convicted his parents and put them into jail. We did what we could to make him feel loved, but with everything that happened at the time, he lost himself in drugs and alcohol. He would not accept any help."

You could see her eyes tear up a little and you had to admit you felt like joining her. Your dark god's life seemed to be one big tragedy.

"All his childhood, while enduring the medical treatments, Loki had learned to be brave, not to show his pain, not to cry for help like a child would have – it was the capacity of controlling his emotions and his pain that turned against him. Because when he would have needed to accept help, he rejected it.”

You placed your head in your hands. Not so long ago, you had thought of Loki as an arrogant spoilt brat, now all you felt was sadness. Apart from the physical problems, you could not imagine what it would feel like to realise that your family was not your family. That the identity you had, was not your real identity.

Talk about identity crises.

“How did he find out? I mean, why - what happened that you had to tell him he wasn't your child?"

"That is something I think he himself needs to tell you. And you may have to be patient with him, and give him time."

"Was it _that_ bad?"

Her gaze filled with such pain and compassion that you felt a lump building in your throat.

_What could actually be worse than all the things he had already experienced?_

“So this is what he means, when he refers to himself as being insane?”

“He was lost. And his life fell apart. He scared people. I never gave up hope, but for a while even Odin's faith wavered. He would come to me, claiming that the boy he knew Loki to be was dead. That was what Loki referred to last night. Because one night, he unfortunately overheard a rather heated conversation I had with Odin." She shook her head. "As if there had not been enough damage to his soul already. Sometimes I feel that Loki has a talent for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Fate has not been merciful with my youngest, so it lightens my heart to see him happy again.”

You rubbed your forehead. It all sounded very much like some Shakespearean drama.

“How did he get back on track?”

“Hela. It took her a lot of effort, but she convinced him to get clean. He spent some time away, in a special clinic in Canada to get off his addictions. After that he moved to New York, studied law and started to work with her.”

“So, he wasn't a lawyer right from the beginning?”

“Oh, no. Loki's an artist. A dreamer and a hopeless romantic. He has a deep and complex soul.”

_A dreamer. And hopeless romantic._

_Had he not called you that the other day? A hopeless romantic._

“I never thought I would fall for a man like him, but now I am starting to understand, I think.”

“Well, I think there are no men like him.” Frigga winked at you and you smiled at her. “You seem to see him for what he is. Your presence here makes me very happy - not only because I can see how happy it makes my son, but because I like you. I can see why all my children do.”

“Thanks.”

“No." She reached out her hand and cupped your face. "Thank _you_.”

 

***

 

You decided to look for Loki and explore a little more of the grounds with him, but when you crossed the lawn to the terrace, a familiar booming voice called out to you.

You looked around and discovered Thor standing by one of the smaller buildings that looked like stables and were situated a short distance away from the house. He was waving at you with one hand, holding the reigns of a horse in his other.

You had been right about the buildings being stables.

A dark haired girl who stood next to Thor and was patting the horse's neck glanced over at you when Thor called your name.

“Are you coming for a ride?” Thor yelled.

Since you did not really feel like yelling, and your voice was no match in volume to Thor's, you headed over to them. The girl greeted you with a smile.

She was pretty, had long dark hair and grey eyes, and the way Thor glanced at her, you could tell that he liked her. Well, _more_ than liked her.

“Hi, I'm Y/N.”

You offered your hand which she shook with a firm grip.

“I'm Sif. Old friend of the Odinson's.”

“We were neighbours.” Thor declared with a grin. “Practically grew up together.”

“Nice to meet you, Sif.”

“We are going for a ride and thought Loki and you might want to join us.”

You loved horses. They reminded you of your childhood - you spent a lot of time in stables, but ironically you never learnt how to ride. Not _appropriate_ for a girl.

Thor's horse snorted, flicking it's ears forward and you reached out to pat it's soft nose.

“I would like to, it's just that – I don't know how to ride.”

“You can ride with Loki, it's very similar to riding a motorbike.”

Thor winked.

“It will be more comfortable though. Especially since I ride Sleipnir without a saddle.”

_Speak of the devil._

You turned around to see Loki approach the three of you, holding the reigns of a tall, rather majestic looking horse with a shiny black coat.

Thor mounted his horse and pulled Sif up to sit behind him, while Loki stopped next to one of the wooden fences and crooked his finger to lure you over, the smirk on his face making the gesture almost salacious.

“You first.” He said and patted one of the horizontal planks of the fence. “Step on here then I will help you from there.”

You put your foot on the fence and pulled yourself up.

“Now grab the mane.”

Your fingers threaded into the coarse, yet soft hair. It was an odd thing about horse's manes, that they felt like a rug while at the same time the hair was soft.

Before you could take your thought further, you felt Loki's hands on your backside, pushing you up and you swung your leg over the horse, blushing slightly. Loki offered you a devious smile.

“While this wasn't gracious, it was rather – _delicious._ ” His comment made you blush even more.

_Damned man._

In stark contrast to your ungraceful performance, Loki slipped onto the horse with a princely grace that almost made you gape with an open mouth, before he settled comfortably against your back. His arms snaked around you from behind as he tugged you firmly against him.

Your breath hitched a little and he sniggered.

“ _Excited_?”

You felt heat pooling between your legs.

_How the hell did he do this?_

“Come on you two love birds!” Thor yelled, he had already turned his horse around and trotted down a path leading to a meadow.

Loki grabbed the reigns and kicked his legs into the horse's side. Sleipnir fell into a slow trot.

You tensed a little.

“Are you scared?” His voice was velvet in your ears.

“No.”

“Liar.”

“Ok, maybe a little uncomfortable.”

One of Loki's hands came to a rest on you thigh, rubbing it affectionately.

“And here I thought my presence would make you comfortable.” He placed a soft kiss on the base of your neck and you shivered. “You are quite safe up here. Even if you should fall, you would land on me. I will be your cushion – albeit a bony one as compared to Thor.”

You chuckled.

He brought the horse head to head with Thor's and you looked over at him and Sif, who leaned against the surf god's back. You wondered if they were a pair. They looked like they should be.

“Now I get to show you all the places I pranked Thor when he was young.” Loki said sassily.

“And _I_ get to show you all the places I made this little critter squirm and apologise for pranking me.”

You laughed softly.

“That's not fair.” Loki protested. “You should be defending me against my barbaric brother, get your loyalties straight, my dear.”

You grabbed Loki's hand and squeezed it, which made him purr.

“Do they ever stop bickering?” You asked in Sif's direction.

“Only when they gang up on somebody else. Then they are all palsy-walsy with each other.”

“Who's ganging up on whom now?” Thor asked.

"Girls are always allowed to gang up."

Sif playfully punched him in the side.

“Such aggressive behaviour does not become a beautiful lady.” Thor tutted.

“Bet Loki would not complain about it.”

“Now, now, Sif, leave me out of this, please.”

“Why, are you afraid of defending me?”

“Merely not overly fond of being the one who takes the blows for you.”

Thor sniggered.

You came out onto a wide meadow, that offered a view over the lake and some of the grounds of Birch Grove and you gasped and leaned forward in awe. You were overlooking a beautiful area with ponds, large trees and meadows and charming countryside stone walls, all complete with bleating sheep and grazing horses.

You straightened before you turned around to take a look at the house, which reminded you of a haunted manor from ghost stories. Thankfully, this house did not seem haunted though.

You turned again and readjusted your position.

Loki groaned quietly and allowed Sleipnir to fall back behind Thor's horse.

“Sit still, kitten.”

“Are you ok?”

“Hm. Apart from the fact that your wiggling is inspiring rather unsuitable reactions and disproportionately indecent thoughts, I'm fine.”

He pushed you back against him and you felt his hardness pressing into your back.

“Oh.”

“Not that I would mind any of it. It's just that I think it would make _you_ uncomfortable to give in to _my_ desires in front of Thor and his girl.”

“Gee, Loki.”

You hissed and slapped his thigh.

Loki groaned again.

“I would not recommend slapping me right now – it's far too ... well, just save that for later, will you?”

“Jesus, _Loki_!”

He chuckled.

“Calling on the saviour and the devil in one breath. Wonder who's going to get to you first?”

He nipped your ear lobe and you shuddered.

“Are you two coming tonight?” Sif turned around to look at you as she spoke.

“What's tonight?” You frowned at her.

“Dance at Allerdale Hall.”

“Allerdale Hall?”

“Neighbours, a few miles away.” Loki explained. “I did not know if we would be staying until tonight and I did not want to force you into any more socialising, so I had not mentioned it to you.”

“The Sharpe's throw great parties and it's absolutely worthwhile to go there just to see the house." Sif said. "It's an old mansion - beautiful but a little spooky. Considering you like Loki, you will _love_ the house.”

Sif winked at you.

“Did she just call me beautiful and a little spooky?” Loki asked with feigned incredulity.

“No, she called you an _old mansion_.” You deadpanned. “Well, an old mansion that is a little beautiful and very spooky.”

Loki laughed out loud and Thor and Sif chuckled at your words.

Then you felt his lips at your ear.

“You are inviting disciplinary punishment, pet, if you cannot not keep your tongue under control.”

Your dark god hissed softly. It made you shiver in anticipation.

_Good lord. Was he really making you want - no, look forward to - kinky stuff?_

“They say the house is haunted.”

Sif's voice fortunately deterred your mind from imagining what kind of 'punishment' Loki had in mind.

“Really?” You forced yourself to ask with a slight tremble in your voice that made Loki's chest vibrate with a low soft chuckle.

_The devil knew exactly what his words had invoked in you._

You leaned back and ground your hips against him rather innocently. He hissed and the fingers of the hand that still rested on your thigh dug into the fabric of your dress.

You smirked.

“The story goes, that about a hundred years ago, the Sharpe children – a girl and a boy – killed their parents and lived in the house by themselves for a decade, pretending to the outside world that their parents were still alive. Nobody suspected anything and when they came of age, Thomas Sharpe, the boy, got married to a girl from a wealthy family, but his wife died of a mysterious disease. He married again and again - but his wives mysteriously disappeared or died of sickness. Thomas was said to have entertained an incestuous love affair with his sister and that they murdered his wives together to inherit their victim's money.”

“Lovely." You stated sarcastically. "Dear god, that sounds rather gruesome.” 

“Wait, until you hear the end. Thomas finally fell in love with one of his wives, and his sister, driven insane from jealousy, killed him. And then she herself died in the attempt of murdering Thomas' wife. The wife was the only one who survived and inherited Allerdale Hall.”

“Stars, that is a horrible – and sad story.”

“Well, who knows if it's true. It definitely draws attention when it comes to tourists. The Sharpe's mansion is a must see sight around here.”

“But … there are still Sharpes who live there? I thought they both got killed.”

“His wife, the one who survived, was pregnant with Thomas' son.”

“Oh god. That's … so sad.”

It almost made you feel sorry for the twisted soul of a man who had finally found love and was then murdered by his sister. You shook your head.

Why did human beings have to be so crazy when it came to love? Or rather, being unloved?

“Not the most inspiring story and half of it is probably made up, so do not let your heart break over it, my love.” Loki's voice was soft as he cooed into your ear, and it lifted the heaviness off your heart. “It's a half hour drive, if you wish to go. And it truly is quite an astounding piece of architecture.”

“Is it really haunted?”

“There are so many ghosts around old houses in England – who knows?”

Loki pressed his cheek against your hair and Sip turned again to speak to you.

“Well, _that_ place certainly _is_ unusual. They say that the house was built on the site of an old Pagan temple – and you know, Pagan gods are said to be quite _savage_.” Sif grinned. “At least the ones _I_ know are - and I've known them for my entire life.”

“Watch your tongue, Lady Sif.” Thor quipped. “You know I have a brother who loves to play tricks on those who offend the gods - and even those who don't" He chuckled, "And you don't want your hair turn golden again, Sif, do you?”

Loki chuckled and Sif offered him a pretend scowl.

“I hope that he has grown out of his childish behaviour by now. Plus, I have forgiven him for _that_.”

Thor grinned when he turned to you.

“Loki knew all about Norse gods and goddesses when he was a child. He must have been seven when he got inspired by one of the myths about the goddess Sif who has beautiful golden hair." The surf god chuckled. "Since Sif would always spend a week or two at our place during the summer holidays, Loki snuck into her bedroom one night and bleached her hair. She was nine. You cannot even imagine the screaming and yelling when she woke up.”

Thor laughed and Sif punched him in his side again.

“Hela had to keep me from scratching Loki's eyes out. He should be thankful that his sister was there to save his life.”

“I can't believe you did that, Loki.” You said, chuckling, a little shocked but more than mildly amused.

“Boredom and curiosity.” Loki shrugged. “It was merely an attempt to add to her beauty.”

“I didn't speak to him for about six months. Since the tips were ruined, we had to cut my hair and Frigga spent a whole afternoon at the hairdresser in the village with me to get my hair back to normal colour.”

“So, _Sif_ is a Norse name too?”

“My actual name is Sylvia, but since I've practically been a member of the Odinson family since I was six and they called me Sif - the name stuck.”

She glanced at Loki briefly and something in your gut twisted uncomfortably.

“Loki and I were sworn enemies after that. But at least he taught me to stand up for myself.”

“Yeah, Loki is good like that.”

You said flatly. She had her arm wrapped around Thor, but the quick glance she had cast at Loki spoke more than a thousand words to you, and immediately made you insecure.

As if he could sense it, Loki's arm slipped around your middle and stroked your tummy in a soothing way.

“I would like to take Y/N down to the lake. You do not have to come, if you do not want to.”

He announced and Thor took the hint.

“We'll be heading out into the hills, I think, so we will see you later.”

“Have fun.” Sif said and gave you a sincere smile.

Loki turned the horse down a path that led towards the water. After a few minutes he broke the silence.

“Are you jealous of Sif?” He asked carefully.

“What? Jealous? Why?”

“I felt you tense up when she looked at me.”

_How was he so perceptive?_

“I – is she one of your _liaisons_?”

Loki laughed.

“No. Most certainly not. But I was the first man she slept with, so I guess we share a certain – _history_.”

“She still likes you.”

“She does, but not in the way you think. She's in love with Thor.” He sighed. “Sif and I share a kind of love-hate relationship. It was during one of our fights that we – well, we kissed and then one thing led to another. When you're so emotionally involved – especially when it's so aggressively emotional – that thing is bound to happen. It happened twice, but after that we put our issues aside and settled into friendship.”

“When was that?”

“When I was seventeen.”

“Was she the first - for you too?”

He laughed softly. That huffy laugh he did when he was a little embarrassed and you were sad not to be able to see the dimples on his cheeks.

“No. I had a girlfriend back then – and I felt terrible about betraying her. You wouldn't believe it, but I was very loyal.” He paused. “I am very loyal.”

“But you _betrayed_ your girlfriend. That's what you call loyal?”

He exhaled sharply.

“Gods, I shouldn't have told you this, should I? That's the problem with being honest. Now I've caused more insecurity for you.”

There was an exasperated inflection in his voice.

“No, Loki.” You said quickly and grabbed his hand. “I do trust you – and I want you to be honest. The insecurity is entirely my problem to deal with.”

He nuzzled his face against your hair.

“But the truth can be rather disappointing. Sometimes it is better to live an illusion.”

“Then why are you so bent on wanting me to know the truth about you?”

“Because ... I am tired.”

“Tired?”

“Of pretending. Of hiding. I don't mind what others think of me - in a way that makes me free, but there is a side of me that I cannot share because this world is such a – _painful_ place sometimes.” He took a deep breath and pressed a kiss on top of your head. “You managed to offer the devil a piece of heaven. If there is anything I can offer you in return, is the truth - even if it is a mistake, even if my world will break under the weight of the consequences. I want you to know who I am.”

“How do you manage to say such beautiful things, Loki?”

“Silver tongue. Comes with my name.” He quipped and it made you laugh.

_Beautiful man._

_I love you._

"I don't want your world to - break."

He kept his lips against your hair and sighed.

“Would you like to stay for tonight? Go to the party?”

“I think it would be nice. Just depends if your dad is ok with me sticking around.”

Loki huffed.

“It's not _his_ decision to make.”

“Still.”

“I will talk to him when he returns.”

“Thank you, Loki.”

“Anything for you. I'd even forgive him if you asked me to.”

“Really? Let's not get delusional. I'm still pretty angry with him. But I like your mother.”

“She is lovely isn't she?”

“Yes, you're very lucky to have her.”

“I am. I truly am.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I really enjoyed the Crimson Peak part and introducing Sif ...  
> there is also a hidden hint about a fic called 'Your ghost' by Maiden_of_Asgard. She's a fantastic writer :) .. quite a few of you know her fics, I believe.


	28. Muppets and Monsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Growing closer ....
> 
> Thanks to Synna for getting me onto the LOVE SO SOFT song!!!! It's perfect!!!  
> Thanks to all those patient readers who've been sticking through this until now ... and everyone who takes the time to write a comment and gives a kudo or two ;) ... or three ... 
> 
>  
> 
> and sorry again for the odd typo or anything else weird - won't have time to proof it until tomorrow.  
> sure you will enjoy it anyway :))

_If a thought was the truth_  
_We'd be doing all the kinds of things I know you wanna do_  
_But I need, need to know_  
_Will you protect me, respect me, if I let you close?_  
  
_Let me in_  
_I wanna be closer to you, let you under my skin_  
_If I let  you in_  
_You gotta be careful with it, let me tell you again_  
  
_Love so soft, you ain't had nothing softer_  
_Break it then you buy it and it's sure gonna cost ya_  
_Love so soft that you can't rub off_  
_You gon' love it if you try it, got you hooked, now you're caught up_  
_Love so soft, so soft_

_~Kelly Clarkson, love so soft_

 

Loki and you had a casual sandwich lunch in the kitchen, which was about as big as the living room of your flat, and included a breakfast bar and a small dining table. You settled on one of the stools at the breakfast bar to watch Loki prepare your sandwiches. He looked strikingly attractive in a domestic environment.

Loki even made cutting vegetables and preparing sandwiches look sexy.

You smirked at your thoughts, which caught the dark god's attention and lured him over to were you sitting. He put down the knife he was holding on the counter beside you and leaned closer.

"Care to tell me what is amusing you, pet?"

"Is it so hard to guess?"

"You either like to see me hard at work, or you like to watch me handle a _knife_."

_"What?!"_

"As eloquent as ever. I seem to be sadly failing to educate you on proper speech."

"Are you seriously thinking I'm turned on by watching you handle a knife?"

_Well, you had to admit that it was oddly dishy watching him in the kitchen._

Loki held your gaze as he placed his index finger on your lips and then drew it over your skin, down your throat to the neckline of your dress.

"You evidently have no idea how tiltillating cold steel can feel when it glides along your skin." His voice was low and dark as he dragged his finger further down the centre of your chest. "How arousing it would be to _slice_  through this flimsy fabric and unveil the secrets that lie underneath."

_Ok, that actually did it for you._

You shivered and the corner's of Loki's mouth twitched.

"Not turned on _at all_ , are you, kitten?"

"Do you ever _not_ think about sex, Loki?"

He frowned innocently.

"Can't remember." He smirked and touched his lips to yours. 

Considering what he had inspired you to imagine a mere minute ago, his kiss was anything but dangerous. It was sweet, slow, almost chaste, as his tongue dipped into your mouth to tenderly search yours.

You mewled softly and then your stomach growled rather loudly.

Loki grinned against your lips.

"Somebody needs to be fed, I believe."

He drew back but you grabbed his shirt and dragged him towards you, twisting your fingers in his hair as you pulled him into a kiss. Loki's hands came up to cup the sides of your face, and he responded to your kiss with passionate fervour.   
"Hm. While you do taste delicious, kitten, I am afraid not even I have developed the capacity to live on kisses and air alone. I am seriously considering it though."

Again he attempted to extract himself from your embrace and again you did not let him go. Loki cocked an eyebrow. 

"Just one more." You smirked.

He grinned and leaned forward, nipping at your lips before he pressed his soft lips on yours. You moaned into the kiss. When your lips parted, Loki buried his face in the crook of your neck. 

"Beautiful woman." He whispered against your skin, lingering a moment longer, before he pulled away. 

"Lunch." He commanded and this time, you complied.

*** 

 

You were dying to see more of Loki's 'kingdom' upstairs – you still had not seen the meditation room and the living area – and your dark god smiled in an amused way when you grabbed his hand as soon as you finished placing your dishes in the dishwasher to pull him out of the kitchen.

“Let's go upstairs. I haven't seen the meditation room. And your living room.”

“You have grown rather demanding, haven't you?” 

“Have I? I think you have just grown  _soft_.”

He responded by tugging at your hand and pulling you against him. You glanced up at him with what you hoped were large innocent eyes, as he towered over you and narrowed his own. Then he leaned down to whisper in your ear.

“Disciplinary punishment, _pet_ , you have been warned.”

Your breath hitched.

_Devil!_

Loki chuckled. Going from seductive dark god to childlike mischief in the blink of an eye.

“Amazing how responsive you are." He offered you a boyish grin. "I think I shall keep you.”

You scowled at him, which made his grin widen.

"So defiant. Just the way I like it."

You slapped his arm.

"Hm. So willing to put me in my place."

“Stop being silly!”

Loki laughed and gave you a peck on the cheek.

“Nobody has called me  _that_  since my teens.”

“It's because you're behaving like a teenager.”

The two of you walked down the hall, past the photographs you had noticed on the evening of your arrival.

“So, this is you?”

Your fingers gently touched the picture of the skinny, dark-haired boy.

“Yes, who would have thought I would end up so incredibly good looking? Certainly much more handsome than that blonde oaf next to me."

"Glad you don't suffer from vanity or narcissism."

"You are right. I should have said insanely smart _and_ incredibly good looking."

You rolled your eyes.

“How old were you?”

“He was fourteen, I was twelve.”

“You're cute. Kind of.”

“ _Kind_ of?”

“Well, you're glaring into the camera.”

“That's because I was about to steal a piece of apple pie from the kitchen and then creep into my mum's bedroom to secretly watch a muppet movie, when I was rudely interrupted by that blonde barbarian and dragged off to the garden to get pictures taken with him and his friends.” Loki sighed. “Which, of course, ended up with me being bullied by him. That's what my oh-so-loving _brother_ used to do.”

You snaked an arm around his waist and leaned against him.

“My poor baby.” You cooed as you patted his chest affectionately and he grinned down at you.

Somehow his icy blue eyes stood out even more than usual with him wearing a black button down shirt and black jeans.

And for a moment you were lost in them again.

Then you blinked and tore your eyes away.

“You sure, you never learnt any magic? Like - how to charm people?”

Loki purred.

“I do not require any magic for that.”

 _Indeed_.

“Muppets and apple pie, huh? And you were twelve? Isn't that a little old for Muppets?”

He laughed softly.

“You're never too old for Muppets and apple pie. Or cookies. Or anything sweet, really.”

“So, that's why you're constantly nibbling away on me.”

“Most definitely.” He leaned in to nibble on your neck. It tickled and made you giggle.

“You're a such a _kid_ , Loki.”

“Hmm. Me want cookiiie.” He growled softly in a raspy voice against your skin and you laughed out loud.

_Overgrown kid, indeed._

“You make a terrible cookie monster! Sounds like he has a Hungarian accent.”

It only seemed to spur him on, and it was charming to experience yet a new side of your dark god.

“Me want cookie noow. Me want to eat YOU.”

He growled and sank his teeth into your neck. You squealed.

“Loki, stop!” You giggled. “I'm never going to have sex with you if you keep doing this. The thought of being ravished by the cookie monster is just –-”

Somebody cleared their throat and the two of you froze.

Loki did not release you, but kept you firmly in his embrace. He only lifted his head and you turned around to see Thor and Sif standing in the hall. Both wearing a smug smile.

Sif crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow.

“I was under the impression that the cookie monster was blue and hairy with a big mouth and those - weird eyes.” She made a circling gesture around her eyes.

“He's got the big mouth and his eyes _are_ weirdly mesmerising.” You quipped and she snorted. 

Loki chuckled softly, then he shook his head and tutted.

“The blue and hairy thing is merely a myth. He is a skilled shape shifter. Can appear in any shape or form, really. And he is always very _hungry_.”

He scraped his teeth over your neck, which made you giggle and blush at the same time. You were not used to him being so affectionate while others were watching, but you had to admit that his uninhibited behaviour in the company of family members, was rather charming. It meant a lot to you that he was not embarrassed to touch you or kiss you, but fully claimed you as his.

Sif shook her head.

“You bring out the worst in him.”

She said, smiling at you, as Thor and her walked past the two of you making their way to the kitchen.

Loki pressed a kiss on your cheek.

“Let's go upstairs before we embarrass ourselves any further, my little cookie.”

 

***

 

You lay on your side, reading, while Loki was snoozing against your back, his arm loosely draped around your waist. Ever so often his fingers twitched a little and he would purr softly.

It made you smile. He behaved like a big, cuddly cat.

After you had ascended the stairs to the top floor, Loki had taken you straight to his meditation room, which was hidden behind the door displaying the rune _Isa_.

Meditation was about discipline. Focus and concentration. And stillness. 

Focus of the mind. Stillness of thought.

The rune Isa, meaning stillness, represented many characteristics that were conducive to meditation Loki explained to you before he opened the door, and it dawned on you that each rune was not placed _randomly_ on those doors. Each represented qualities that were connected to the room behind it.

Kenaz - the torch. The fire of knowledge and learning, decorated the door to the library.

Othala. Homeland, inheritance, heritage was the rune to Loki's bedroom. 

Isa, stillness was his meditation room, and Laguz, which roughly represented the energy of life led into the living area.

The careful thought with which each rune had been applied, according to its meaning, intrigued and awed you at the same time. Loki cared about detail. He cared about deeper meaning. 

He held the door open for you and you stepped into a medium size room that was flooded with light, as most of the walls were made from glass. It was a semi-circle conservatory, built right on one of the corners of the house with a glass dome covering the transparent structure.

Since Loki's rooms were on the highest level you were practically standing above the trees with the sky stretching out in front of you, to the sides, and above you. 

It offered a breath taking view as well as the feeling of absolute freedom. You stepped up to the glass. Loki had managed to create another world up here. A world that was unique and beautiful, but, you had the feeling that it was also lonely. It felt as though he had created a refuge for himself, a sanctuary, that lay above a world of pain.

It truly was his kingdom. He was verily residing in another realm.

After visiting the library and Loki's bedroom which were rather dark rooms, you were surprised to find a light-filled space, with a soft, very light-coloured sky blue carpet and the only wall in the room was decorated with a cream and gold wallpaper instead of the dark greens you had noticed in the other rooms.

There was something that looked like a shrine.

A low, white table that was placed close to the wall and had different items on it. 

And apart form a cream coloured cushion and blanket, the room was otherwise empty. 

"This is where you meditate?'

"I _used_ to. I haven't done it for a while."

"It is - breath-taking. Like heaven."

"I used to sit here and watch the sun rise. Reside in that stillness that precedes the approaching day. Absorb the energy that awakens, when the fire of the sun rouses all living beings from sleep."

"You are a bit of a poet, aren't you?"

A glimmer of sadness appeared in his eyes.

"I used to write."

"Poetry?"

He nodded and he almost seemed a little embarrassed to reveal this to you. 

"I admire people who can paint with words."

"It is similar to painting. Or even to writing music. Words, put together in the right manner create a harmonious flow, a melody. It is difficult to achieve this though." 

"I thought you had a silver tongue. Should be easy for you."

The corners of his mouth lifted a little, which relieved you. You were aware that this - not only the meditation room, but his entire small kingdom up here - was Loki's sacred space. It revealed things about him that stayed veiled behind the masks he wore in the company of others. He made himself vulnerable by sharing this with you.

And you loved him for it.

You approached the low table by the wall, kneeling down in front of it.

A candle, a bowl with water, a crystal and a dagger, as well as a flat stone with a rune, were placed on it.

"My shrine to honour Loki." He explained without being asked. "I made it when I was a boy. I used to spend a lot of time in here when I was young." 

"You have a shrine for your god?"

"It's a childish thing, I know." His voice sounded more than a little vulnerable and a blush of pink coloured his cheeks.

"No. It's not. It's not childish at all. I think it's beautiful."

You hoped to ease his discomfort.

_Beautiful Loki._

He was a grown up man.

A bad-ass lawyer. 

A sweet lover.

And a vulnerable little boy.

In this moment you felt very protective of him. 

_“Loki's an artist. A dreamer and a hopeless romantic. He has a deep and complex soul.”_

You remembered Frigga's words.

And you remembered his own words.

 _It was my thirteenth birthday present. That is why it has a magical touch, because I was merely a boy … with big dreams.”_  

You wondered what had crushed his dreams. 

"What do they mean? The items on the shrine."

Loki knelt down beside you. 

"Each one is symbolic for a rune in my name. Loki's name."

He pointed at them, one by one.

"Water for Laguz. The dagger for Othala. The candle for Kenaz. The crystal wand for Isa."

"Why a dagger?"

"Many reasons. Othala is about ancestry as well as offspring - a dagger is a potent symbol of manhood. A dagger is as well a symbol of sacrifice, self-defence and of cutting ties, all things that are needful when we deal with karmic deeds, which Othala also represents."

"I see. And this one?" You pointed at the flat stone that had a painted rune on it, which you had not seen before.

" _Algiz._ Divine protection."

As you let your eyes wander, they fell on three daisies floating in the water of the clay bowl.

"Do they hold a meaning too?"

Loki's face grew solemn and he stared at the flowers for a while without saying a word.

Just when you wanted to tell him, that you did not need to know, he opened his mouth to speak.

"Water, especially when held in a clay bowl, represents the Goddess' womb. The flowers ... they represent those who I ... who I miss. They are a ... a prayer to the Goddess for them to be safe, wherever they are."

As soon as he had finished the sentence, he quickly rose, and when you glanced up at him, his face had turned into the expressionless mask you knew all too well.

It felt like such a long time since you had seen it last.

For a long moment neither of you spoke or moved.

Then you quietly rose to your feet and found the courage to rest your hand on Loki's chest.

How much you wished that he would just speak to you. Tell you what was on his mind right now. What was in his heart.

Clearly, he was pained.

Who were "those who he missed"?

Loki's fingers enclosed your own gently. He brought your hand to his lips before he gazed at you, the softness had returned to his features.

"Living room?" 

He nodded.

On the way there, Loki disappeared into the bedroom for a moment to fetch one of the books he had given to you in the library. Then he opened the door to Laguz and you entered his living room.

Like the other rooms, this one was furnished in shades of green as well as gold. Forest green was the predominant colour used for wallpaper and furniture, like the large couch that faced an open fire place. A mirror with a golden frame that resembled leaves and vines was placed on the wall above it, reflecting the sky outside the windows. Dark wooden shelves displaying books and all sorts of different items lined the wall to the left and right of the entrance way. There was also a comfortable looking lounge chair by one of the windows, which you assumed to be a reading chair, since Loki seemed to have a fondness for books.

Loki reclined on the couch, beckoning you to join him, so you settled against him. Your back against his chest. 

He offered you the book.

"Why don't you read up on your god, while I have a little snooze?"

"Does it have a chapter on him?"

"Page 666."

You shoved your elbow into his ribs.

"Shouldn't you be a little more respectful. I mean, since he's actually a god?"

"If he is anything like me, he would find my sassiness much more amusing than my bootlicking. And since I am named after him ..." He yawned. "... and we share quite similar traits, I dare to assume we are birds of a feather."

He closed his arms around you and nuzzled his face into your neck, heaving a content sigh. 

"We share pretty much everything." He muttered sleepily. "Apart from you. You are mine. Not even Loki can have a share of you. God or not. I don't care."

You chuckled at his muttering and picked up the book. 

It was about an hour and a half later, when Loki stirred and his hand slipped under your dress roaming up your thigh to your hip and came to a rest on your belly, his fingers stroking the skin. Something he seemed to love to do.

“Hmm. So soft.”

You put the book down and leaned back against him, placing your hand on top of his. Loki moved it further up to cup your breast, rubbing one of his fingers over the lace of your bra, until your nipple hardened under his touch and you mewled softly.

Soft, moist lips ran along your neck, prompting you to close your eyes and give yourself to the sensations his touch evoked in your body.

You relished his touch. The fact that he wanted you. The fact that he would tease you like this merely to enjoy the way you writhed in his arms, longing for more.

“So beautifully responsive to my touch.”

Then he settled his body against you, pushing one leg between yours, tucking his hardness against your backside. His fingers drew back and he cupped your breast, letting it fill his hand as he squeezed it lightly.

“I was adopted." He scraped his teeth over your skin. "When I was a baby.”

_Oh, god, was he being serious? He was going to tell you this kind of thing while he was ---_

You moaned when he nipped at your skin and his hand abandoned your breast to firmly grip your hip, while his thumb caressed the curve of your ass. You instinctively pressed yourself against him. 

“My father was a high class criminal, who deceived people by stealing money from companies. He stole billions. Ruined whole families."

You tried to get a grasp of your rational mind.

“Loki -”

His fingers played with the hem of your briefs.

“Loki, please, I can't - I want to ---” your breath hitched when he slipped his hand inside your briefs, to slide them down along your buttock.

_Good god, you realised he was actually doing this on purpose._

“He enjoyed ruining other's lives. As did my mother. My real mother.”

"Loki, I need to tell you --” His hand gently squeeze your ass and you pushed back into his touch. 

_It was his way to stay in control. Of you. Your reaction._

_Ok, focus. Focus. Focus._

You took a deep breath.

“Would you be upset if I told you I've known this for a while?”

You said as you expelled the air from your lungs.

Loki's fingers stilled and you held your breath, preparing for his reaction. Whatever it may be.

Nothing happened.

His breathing was as even as his voice when he spoke.

“I would be more upset if you pretended you did not know."

He moved his hand again. Stroking your ass while he slowly pulled your panties down.

"Was it my mother who told you?”

“It was Natasha.”

“ _Natasha_?”

“Well, she didn't intend to – uh --” The tips of his fingers ran along your moist folds.

"You were saying?"

_Sassy, sadistic, patronising man._

“She slipped your other name  -- accidentally, and - and then I wanted to know - more.”

“My _other_ name?”

“Son of Laufey?”

You yelped as Loki pushed two fingers deeply into you without a warning. Your hand clutched the edge of the couch, nails digging into the velvet.

_Oh god._

“And did she tell you  _who_ my father was? A _ruthless_ , _cold-blooded_ criminal who ruined other's lives?”

His voice was a low growl.

“Loki, please.”

Another finger joined your warmth.

“ _Did_ she tell you?”

“She said he was – like - like the - the _AlCaponeofEurope._ ”

_OHGODLOKI_

“He was a monster."

Loki started removing his fingers before he thrust them into you with force. You felt his lips brushing your ear.

"And you know what that makes me? The son of a monster.”

“Loki, stop!”

You reached back, caught his wrist and squirmed out of his grasp, moving away from him.

Loki let you go.

When your gazed found him, he looked guilty. There was something else in his gaze though that you had not noticed before. Something that was hidden in the shadow that lingered in his eyes. 

Self-loathing.

“You're trying to be in control, but you – you don't have to be. I won't run away if you tell me things about you. No matter how bad you think they are, so don't try and control me. Just _talk_ to me.”

Before he could respond, you leaned forward, nuzzled his nose with the tip of yours and brushed your parted lips over his. Touching his own ever so lightly with your tongue. He responded slowly, carefully. So you deepened the kiss by twirling your tongue around his until he moaned and his hands grabbed you to pull you into his arms.

With a growl he pushed you onto your back and moved on top of you, greedily devouring your lips, biting your lower lip and forcing his tongue deep into your mouth, teeth colliding with yours. 

It was rough. It was feral. 

You let him have you. Let him take what he needed to find his way back to you.

Your lips were swollen and sore by the time he pulled away to rest his forehead against yours.

“Why did you not tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“That you knew.”

“I was not sure if you were comfortable with it.”

He huffed.

“Quite frankly, Loki, I don't care who your parents are. But I find it hard to imagine what it must have been like for you. To know that your family is not your family.”

He kept his eyes closed and stayed quiet.

“What are you thinking?”

“You have known this since St Petersburg and yet you still … _want_ me?”

“Does it change who you are?”

“I guess not." He huffed again. "I guess, I'm still the same  _arrogant asshole_.”

_You would have to have a serious word with Hela, next time you saw her._

You cupped Loki's face with both hands.

“Look at me, my beautiful god."

His eyes opened to reveal a deep ocean of blue.

"Arrogant asshole with a soft spot for cookies.”

It made him chuckle and he leaned down to brush his lips over yours.

“Hm.”

You kissed him softly.

“Blue and hairy, with a big mouth. I like that kind of monster.”

“How do you do this?” He whispered against your lips.

“Do what?”

“Make me feel good. About myself.”

_Because I love you._

“Because you're beautiful. And I love beautiful things.”

Loki's eyes snapped up to meet yours and he pulled away to look at you.

You quickly closed your eyes.

_Shit. You hadn't wanted to say it._

_Scare him off with your clinginess._

After a moment, you felt him nuzzling your ear.

“You're an artist. Artists see beauty in things that others would find appaling.”

Ok, he was going to let it slip apparently.

Maybe that was a good sign. You tried to diverge the conversation, bring it back to him.

“How did you find out? That your were adopted.”

“When I was in my early twenties. That was when the threats started.”

“Threats?”

“From one of Odin's clients.”

“I can't follow you.”

“The father of one of Odin's clients had been driven into ruin thanks to Laufey. He had been an influential, wealthy business man with his own company, a wonderful home in Hampstead and a fairytale family of five. Laufey destroyed his life. He lost everything. His company, his money. Everything.

The family fell apart, but his son never forgot what happened. He never forgot who was responsible for their misery. He worked hard to rebuild the company. Obsessed with taking revenge, he studied my father's history and found out that Laufey had a son - and that the child had been adopted after the parents were convicted.”

“That's the kind of thing I thought only happened in movies. How did he know who adopted you, isn't there something called data protection?”

“Everyone is corruptible if you have the right amount of money. Unfortunately, my parents – I mean, Odin and Frigga - did not deem it necessary at the time of my adoption to destroy my birth files. So, according to my birth certificate, I am still _Laufey's_ son.”

“And that guy, he - he threatened you? He tried to hurt you?”

“Worse. He hurt my family.”

“Your family? What happened?”

“I did not understand it at first. What the threats were about, but Odin and Frigga knew of course. It was a blow when they told me the truth. Odin tried to get a ban on him. But by then it was too late - he had - he ..." Loki drew away and rolled onto his back. Covering his eyes with his forearm. "He died in a car crash, fleeing from the police ... I wasn't taking the whole thing particularly well.”

“So, that was why you started taking drugs?”

“I couldn't handle - the fear, the guilt. I couldn't – I needed to escape. I was not sure who I was anymore. Or why life seemed to only ever throw shit on me.”

“Your mother told me about you spending some time in Canada before you studied law and came to New York.”

“What else did she tell you?” He turned his head, allowing one eye to peep out from under his arm to look at you.

“Not much. About your childhood. About your interests and studies. You never told me that you studied fine arts.”

“Because that's not who I am anymore.”

"But you love art."

He reached out his hand to run his finger along your cheek.

"You see in me something I am not - anymore."

“Do you - do you regret that?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. I cannot bring him back.”

“Why not?”

"Come here." He opened his arms and you snuggled against his chest.

“You see me with such innocence. But I am not -- I am not what you are hoping for.”

“Are you afraid that I will change my mind, once I discover you're not as perfect as I thought you to be?”

“Maybe. I do not know.”

“I wanted you to be perfect. But then I realised that what draws me to you is not your perfection. It's your shadow. And that's what _I am_ scared of. Because it is not something I can predict, or control.”

“You said you wanted someone you can rely on.”

“I did. I do. And then - I don't.”

A chuckle vibrated in his chest. 

"Seems like we both are not quite sure what to do with each other."

"Well, to be perfectly honest, I have quite a few ideas."

"Do you now?"

You nipped at his lip.

"A whole _drawer_ full of ideas."

You hoped you were giving him your most mischievous smirk.

"Minx. And here I thought you were the epitome of innocence." He heaved a sigh, then he grinned. "Praise the gods, you are not!"

A few minutes later you found yourself in the centre of Loki's bed, a very dark looking god standing at the foot of it, glowering at you.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm..... wonder what's going to happen next .... *smirk*
> 
>  
> 
> Just in case you wonder where the Cookie Monster came from:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_gmyTyYSVo  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdZ2YYIocQw (Unfortunately, I could not find the original interview which was hilarious and sweet all the way through)


	29. Playing with fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry... no plot.... 
> 
> ... Loki took over ...
> 
>  
> 
> If you're here for the plot you can skip this chapter ;)

"Strip." He ordered.

"Everything off. Apart from the gift wrap."

You obediently took off your cardigan and pulled the dress over your head, shaking our your hair. 

"Good girl."

The low purr sent a ripple of pleasant heat down your spine and between your legs.

He unbuttoned his shirt, deliberately taking his time, never loosing your gaze as he gracefully slipped it off his shoulders and discarded it on the floor to display his near a flawless expanse of skin that stretched over the taut muscles of his upper body.

_No. Michelangelo could not have done a better job than this._

You watched the muscles move under his skin as Loki ran his fingers through his hair and stepped over to the wooden dresser to pull open the second drawer.

A shiver of anticipation ran through you.

A silk scarf was the first thing Loki fished out, then he put his hand inside and hesitated. He glanced at you briefly as if weighing up his options, before he extracted two leather cuffs that each had a chain attached to it.

"I will not hurt you." Loki said in a soothing voice, before you could even let your thoughts wander in that direction. "Never without your consent."

He tossed the items onto the bed and you could not help but eye the cuffs curiously.

An adjustable strap of embellished green leather with a golden buckle, pierced by a ring which had a golden chain with a trigger hook attached to it.

Green and gold. Loki seemed to favour these colours.

You bit your lip and raised your eyes to look up at Loki, who stood at the end of the bed, studying you with an inquiring gaze. When your gaze met his, he reached for your ankles.

"Do you trust me?"

You nodded.

"Say it, kitten."

"I do. Trust you."

Loki tugged you towards him by your ankles and spread your legs wide enough so that he was able to kneel between them as he climbed on the bed. Your inner thighs touching his knees, while his hips were pressing against the inside of your knees, the position making it impossible for you to close your legs.

It felt deliciously sinful.

"Sit up for me, pet."

One of his hands extended to help you and you were surprised how eager you were to follow his commands.

Cool silk caressed your skin as Loki draped the scarf over your eyes, leaning towards you to tie it at the back of your head, the movement bringing your face closer to his body, so that you could take in the scent of his skin.

_This man smelled deviously good._

It was nice to be so close to him without being distracted by his looks.

You focused on his touch. The warmth of his body. His breath fanning over your skin, as his face brushed your cheek, and his fingers tied the knot. His chest brushing against the lace of your bra and your breath hitched.

Loki allowed his fingers to caress the small of your neck before he let his hands wander down your back to the soft curves of your ass and along the underside of your thighs.

Your first reaction was to clamp your legs shut. Loki chuckled softly, gripped your hips and pulled you up onto his lap with effortless ease.

A small gasp escaped you when you felt his rock hard erection pressing into your soft parts.

Warm lips nibbled their way from your collarbone to your shoulder and you brought your hands up to explore the skin of his shoulders and neck, feel his soft hair.

It was incredibly soft.

Tightening your fingers in the strands, you moulded your body against his, rubbing your bare skin against his own.

You had never felt him like this before. Had never even touched him in this way or used your hands to explore him, because he had always been the one in control.

You were beginning to understand that being in control made him feel _safe_.

His soft lips lavished the column of your throat with heated kissed as delicate fingers kept stroking the underside of your thighs.

Several short moans tumbled from your lips when his hands slipped under the lace of your briefs to squeeze your buttocks, and you instinctively ground your hips hard against him, with as much pressure as possible.

Loki growled and sank his teeth into the soft flesh between your throat and your shoulder, biting down so hard it made you yelp.

The pain startled you out of your passion.

"Loki! What the hell?"

"Do not  _tempt_  me kitten." He growled in a dangerously low voice.

"I wasn't - I just – what --?”

"Shh." He licked over the sensitive skin that probably showed his teeth marks quite nicely now, and was throbbing painfully. "Relax, my love."

“You can't expect me _not_ to react when you're doing what you're doing.”

You said softly.

“You will learn to discipline yourself.”

He sounded quite sure of himself.

_He obviously had no idea what he unleashed inside you._

Loki rested his hands on your hips, rubbing circles over your skin with his thumbs and suckled on that spot just underneath your ear that elicited instant delight.

When you mewled and leaned into him, he put his palms flat on your lower back and drew them upwards, bringing your body flush against his before he unhooked your bra at the back. His fingers traced your shoulder blades. 

"Like wings." He muttered against your skin. "Sometimes I wonder why you do not have any."

One of his hands found the small of your neck, squeezing it lightly. It prompted you to let your head fall back to expose your throat to him. Loki accepted the invitation, licking and nibbling along your skin, before lacing his fingers in your hair to pull your head back further. He pushed the straps of your bra over your shoulders and arms with his free hand while kissing his way down your chest. All the while keeping his hold on your hair.

Your jaw fell open as you let yourself sink back into the secure hold of his hand to expose your bare breasts to him.

It took all your willpower not to grind up hard against him when his lips ghosted over your nipple. You inhaled sharply and forced yourself to move against him in a gentle, slow rhythm instead.

Loki moaned approvingly and brought both hands underneath your back to support you as he focused his attention on your left breast, lavishly covering it in chaste kisses.

You were entirely unprepared when his hot lips settled over your tight bud to suck it into the moist cavern of his mouth and tease it with his tongue and teeth.

_Oh holy god._

Your womb knotted painfully as pleasure shot through you with the force of an electric current.

Loki groaned as he licked, nibbled and sucked, not giving you any time to adjust to his ruthless ministrations. The pressure built quickly, the tingling sensation in your nipple quickly becoming unbearable and almost painful.

You tried to desperately get some friction by rubbing up against his hardness and Loki abruptly abandoned his ministrations.

“Behave, kitten.”

_Oh god, this man was shear torture._

One of his hands went to your throat, squeezing it lightly, as he lowered you down against the mattress. A wordless command to keep as still as possible.

For a moment nothing happened, then his free hand descended on your already tender flesh and the soft curves of your breast were afforded a sweet and delicate caress of his nimble fingers, while he kept his other hand on your throat stroking your larynx with his thumb.

Your lips formed his name, but no sound came.

He must have been watching you, because a moment later, his tongue glided into your open mouth and you moaned loudly.

“Lie still for me, pet.”

_You tried._

And then his mouth descended upon your other breast to tease and torment you.

He was ruthless. Relentless. Merciless.

It was _unbearable_. 

And it was impossible to keep still. 

"Please, Loki."

"Hm." He hummed against your now very sensitive nipple which only made matters worse, as you found yourself incredibly aroused from a mixture of pain and pleasure.

"Please, Loki, it hurts."

He licked his tongue over it soothingly.

“Shh. Trust me.”

Then he sucked it into his mouth and you hissed.

His hand abandoned your breast to move between your legs, fingers teasing along the hem of your panties, but not touching you where you needed them to touch you.

Ripples of pleasure rolled through you, turning into powerful waves of lust.

"Do you want relief, my sweet pet?"

"Yes."

"Yes, _what_?"

"Yes, please." 

"Do you want me to use my fingers?" He ran them over your lace covered womanhood and you shivered in ecstasy from the light touch.

"Or my mouth?"

"I - uh. Oh, god Loki ..."

"Answer me, pet."

"Both."

You burst out and you heard him chuckle before his lips came down on yours to ravish you.

With a growl that was lost inside the kiss, he tore the lace aside and thrust his fingers into your warmth. 

Embarrassingly, you fell apart.

Just from that.

He bit your lip hard, when you pulled at his hair and scraped your fingernails down his back, before the world around you disappeared. Your fingers dug into the skin of his back and you clung to him as your body tensed and your insides clenched around his fingers.

As the waves of pleasure subsided, you let go and fell back against the bed, panting.

There was a tug as Loki removed your briefs and you willingly lifting your hips to assist his efforts, still dazed and filled with relaxing bliss. You felt the mattress lift as he got off the bed. 

The tinkle of chains and a clicking noise let your attention snap back to the room. Something cool wrapped around your ankle, and was pulled tight. 

A flood of arousal washed over you. 

"Loki, ..."

You moved your leg but could not pull it towards you.

His hands wrapped around your other ankle and proceeded to tie you in the same way. Wrapping the leather around it tightly, adjusting the buckle and chaining you to the foot of the bed.

Your legs were spread now, not uncomfortably so, but wide enough to give Loki a good view of your most private parts. 

Even though you could not see him, the mere thought of him standing there, studying you with those ocean eyes made your toes curl.

The mattress dipped as he climbed back onto the bed to settle between your legs.

The sensation of his fingers ghosting over your skin with a featherlike touch made you shiver. 

He grabbed your hips and pulled you toward him, prompting you to bend your knees, and a moment later his teeth were nibbling along the underside of your thigh. You instinctively tried to close your legs at the sensation.

When you tugged on your restraints, Loki hummed, with a mixture of arousal and amusement.

He used the back of his hands to stroke your thighs, while his lips kissed the inside from the knee downwards. First one leg, than the other.

Then you felt his warm breath hovering over your aroused, sensitive parts and you heard him inhale deeply. His tongue flicked over your moistness to taste you.

Loki groaned.

The sound was _hot._

To know how much pleasure he got from tasting you sent a surge of lust through your entire being.

“Delicate and utterly delicious.” His words vibrated against you.

Loki's warm tongue pressed flat against you, moving up slowly to curl around your sweet spot, before his lips closed over it to suck it gently.

Again you tried to move your legs, wishing you could bring them around him, lay them over his shoulders, or wrap them around his head, but the chains were too short.

You whimpered in frustration.

Loki chuckled softly against your folds. 

"How does it feel to be at the mercy of your god?"

He dipped his tongue inside you.

You cried out and arched your back.

“Oh, god.”

The words left your lips with a desperate moan.

He chuckled and then teased you with his mouth, entangled you in a slow dance with his tongue, bringing you to the brink of bliss, and then he pulled away.

Nonono. 

"Loki!" You protested.

You felt his hands sliding over your thighs, up your body, squeezing the now sensitive flesh of your breasts, before his touch lifted and was gone.

You writhed, desperately waiting for more.

You knew he was there, could feel his eyes on you, which made you even more needy, so you dug your fingers into the sheets.

“Loki.”

Slender fingers wrapped around your wrists in a tight grip and brought them together over your head, pinning them down with one hand while the moist tip of his tongue ran along your neck, his teeth sinking into your flesh, as he lowered his body down on yours.

He purred and moved, rubbing his upper body over your bare breasts.

You mewled. You wanted to touch him. Badly. 

But he kept you in place.

His tongue traced the shell of your ear, his breath cool as it touched the moistness on your skin and you shivered.

“You have no idea what you are doing to me.” He whispered. “How much I want to take you. How badly I want to sink myself into your warmth and fuck you until the only thing on your mind is my name and my name alone. Until the only words the fall from your lips are the pleas to take you harder. To make you _mine_.”

_Ohgodohgod. Pleaseloki._

His tongue slid into your mouth and he kissed you deeply, before he pulled away, leaving you lost.

“Would that please my mortal pet?”

“Yes, god Loki, yes.”

“Would you like that?”

"Jesus, Loki."

"Tell me. Say it." He purred.

“Take me. Please, take me.” You bit your lip. "Make me - make me yours, Loki."

You felt his lips against your ear.

“And when, my darling, has a god ever bent to a mortal's wish?”

He pushed himself off you and you groaned in frustration.

“I'm going to kill you, Loki.”

“You're welcome to try.”

Before you could muster a reply, a pair of strong hands grabbed your hips and pulled you to the edge of the bed, spreading your legs further.

There was a soft brush of finger against your folds. A featherlight kiss to your inner thigh.

A surge of pleasure rushing through you, as he pushed two fingers into you, thrusting in a slow rhythm, while a warm, skilled tongue joined them in their endeavour.

Nibbling, tasting, sucking.

Deep purrs of pleasure.

The devil enjoyed eating you out.

His tongue, teeth and fingers worked with skilled precision drawing moan after moan from your lips. 

Fingers dipping into you, dragging along you, rubbing you tender flesh, while his mouth suckled you.

Your hands twisted in his hair, pulling him closer and he groaned. 

You tugged on the restraints that held you open and vulnerable to his ministrations.

It was too much. Too much.

His name fell from your lips with every exhaled breath, as the tension reached its summit.

And you yourself let go.

Your fingers tightened in his hair and Loki's fingers dug into your thighs, you cried out as your body arched up and convulsed.

Loki continued to gently lick and kiss until you relaxed your hold on him. Your chest was heaving, the heat subsiding slowly.

Leaving you in a peaceful and utterly serene state.

Your hands came up to push the blindfold down and look at the man who had just tormented you into heavenly bliss.

Twice.

He licked his lips. Icy blue eyes searching yours.

Everything inside you felt so incredibly soft and relaxed. 

You let out a breath and smiled.

Then you reached out your hand to cup his cheek and he closed his eyes to lean into your touch before he turned his head to kiss the palm of your hand.

“Loki.”

He glanced up at you.

You tapped your finger against your lips.

"One more."

He grinned his boyish grin and climbed up onto the bed, placing his hands on either side of your head and he studied your face for a moment before he leaned down to press a soft kiss on your lips.

“How are you feeling?” you asked when he pulled away and you pushed a strand of hair behind his ear.

“I can deal with it.”

You ran your hand down his hard stomach and palmed his crotch.

He hissed.

“Don't, kitten.”

“Am I not allowed to return the favour?”

He shook his head and leaned down again to kiss you.

You took the opportunity to unbutton his jeans and free him.

Loki groaned into the kiss as you slid your palm along the velvet skin, before you wrapped you fingers around him. He cursed and shifted his weight to one arm and reached his other hand between you, placing his hand on top of yours.

“I will not last any longer if you ...”

You sealed his lips with yours and started stroking him. He bucked into your hands and half a dozen strokes later, you felt him twitch and pulse as he released with a loud groan, splattering his warm seed over your hand and stomach.

He moaned your name, threading his fingers in your hair as he kept rocking his hips until he finally collapsed on top of you, just bracing himself on his elbows so not to crush you under him.

You could feel the rapid pace of his heart beating against your chest and his warm lips pressed into your neck.

“That wasn't so bad, was it?”

Your said lightly, fingers innocently playing with his hair.

You were fully aware that you had overstepped the line. Had robbed him of his control. His line of safety.

But you were not going to let him get away with hiding in his _comfort_ zone. 

Because if you had learnt one thing from being in Loki's company, it was that 'life _begins_ at the end of your comfort zone'.

Loki lifted his head and his blue eyes found yours. For a moment you were not sure of what reaction to expect, then he exhaled and a soft smile tugged the corners of his mouth upwards.

“I clearly underestimated you, kitten.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... :)


	30. The devil is not as black as he's painted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again!!! For all the comments and support :)))
> 
> So, we're back to fluffy Loki - and since some readers wanted to know more about the reader's background - here's a little insight... this chappie was meant to include Odin as well, but I ran out of time, so the godfather has to wait (sorry, Odin)

Listen as your day unfolds  
Challenge what the future holds  
Try and keep your head up to the sky  
Lovers, they may cause you tears  
_Go ahead release your fears_

 _You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold_  
_You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard_  
_You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger_

 _You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm_  
_You gotta stay together_

  
_All I know, all I know, love will save the day_

 

 

  _~Des'ree, you gotta be_

 

As soon as Loki had untied your legs, he swept you up into his arms with one quick move.

You squealed in surprise and put your arms around his neck.

“What are you doing?”

“I made a mess, I am going to clean it up.”

He smirked and walked into the ensuite with you, where he sat you down in front of the shower to open the door before he crowded you in the spacious glass cubicle.

Loki nuzzled your neck with his nose, while he reached around you to take the detachable shower off the rail and turn the water on, careful not to spray you with it before it had reached a comfortable temperature. He attached it to the wall and drew you under the pleasantly warm stream of water, resting his hands on your hips and placing chaste kisses on the tip of your nose, your lips and cheeks.

 _Sweety_.

You smiled and closed your eyes, relishing the the sensation of the warm water caressing your face. And then you smelled coconut and vanilla, before you felt Loki's hand lathering your back with soap.

“Hm. That smells just like mine.”

He laughed softly.

“It _is_ yours. I brought it up from downstairs.”

“I did not mind using yours. I like to have your smell on me.”

“While it is probably rather arousing for most males to have their female smell of them, I for my part, prefer you to smell like – _you_.”

He grinned when you blinked up at him, due to the water running into your eyes.

His hands wandered to your front, running along underneath your breasts, down your stomach, then back up to glide over you. His gaze was incredibly soft. And by the way he touched you, you could tell that he had no intention of seducing you.

You tried to relax.

Nevertheless, his touch, as chaste as it was, sent a whole lot of pleasurable sensations through you.

You took a deep breath and bit your lip.

Loki leaned in.

“As much as I love this small gesture, it does inspire a whole lot of undivine thoughts inside your gods mind.” He ran his hands over your buttocks, squeezing them lightly. “And as hard as it is to believe, right now I would rather _not_ have those, despite the fact that my default setting for being in a shower with a beautiful woman is to press her against the cool tiles and ...”

He pressed you against the tiles and put his lips on yours.

His kiss surprisingly gentle.

You sighed against his lips and he chuckled when he pulled away.

“You are beautiful.”

He whispered and put more shower gel into his hand, sinking to his knees in front of you to run his hands down your legs. Fingers and palms softly pressing into the muscles of your legs, he moved them down your shins, then up your calfs in long strokes.

His soapy hand slipped between your legs, his gaze glued to your face.

While his touch was gentle and unassuming, he _did_ give you a lopsided smile when a gasp escaped you.

He _loved_ being the cause of it.

He loved teasing you in a sweet way.

After a couple more times of lathering your entire body with your fragrant shower gel, Loki considering you clean enough and let you rinse under the spray of clear water.

When you reached for his shower gel, he caught your wrist.

“That”, he said with a smile, “Would _definitely_ set off my default.”

You smirked and cocked an eyebrow.

“You would not dare, kitten.”

“Try me, God of Sass.”

You replied cheekily, but then you noticed something change in Loki's eyes - the vulnerability was back.

If his gaze had changed to predator in that moment, you would have challenged him, but _this_ gaze pleaded with you, even if he did not put it into words.

So you leaned your head against his chest and pressed a kiss on the scar in its centre before you pulled back.

“Another time, then.”

Relief washed over his face when you looked up at him and he kissed you softly, before you snuck out of the shower and grabbed a towel to dry yourself.

You watched the foam run down his perfect body as he rubbed the soap into his skin. Even with all the hard muscle, there were so many soft curves, and you became aware that you had hardly touched him.

While Loki had probably touched every single inch of you, so much of _him_ was yet to be explored.

It was his way to keep a distance. Stay safe. Allowing you to touch him, was allowing you in.

For a man who was so defined by his sexual needs, he was incredibly sensitive when it came to mixing them with feelings.

For the first time you realised how wary Loki was of this relationship.

And you hoped that you would be able to make him feel safe. You wrapped the towel around your body and kept watching as the muscles on his back bulged when he massaged his scalp and you gave him another good once-over.

It was unlikely you were ever going to tire of this sight.

Loki turned off the shower and when he opened the door his gaze fell on you.

“Like what you see, kitten?”

He asked with a grin.

To be honest, you could not find the words to answer him.

Loki closed the distance between you in a couple of strides and nuzzled his wet face and hair into the crook of your neck while his arms came around you.

You gave a small squeak from the sudden cold and he rested his forehead on your shoulder, purring softly, so you carefully brought your arms around him, taking the opportunity to explore a little more of him as you ran your hands down his sides to settled them on his lower back.

You would have liked to go further, but as your hands rested on his lower back, there was a shaky breath against your skin, so you kept your hands where they were.

Just holding him.

Loki pressed a kiss on your shoulder and pulled away without a word, to dry himself.

***

On the way downstairs you went to your room to get your drawing pad. When you pulled it out of your bag, the parcel Natasha had sent you tumbled out onto the floor. You bent down to pick it up, running your fingers over it briefly before you squeezed it carefully. It was one of those bubble envelopes that were easy to open, so you slid your finger underneath the perforated edge and tipped the contents out over your bed.

_Gees, Natasha._

You bit your lip, when you saw what it was.

_Apparently she knew Loki quite well._

There on the bed lay a pair of cream coloured leather cuffs connected by a gold chain. They were similar to the green ones Loki had used on you, but much more elegant. Kind of lady's stuff.

A blush heated your cheeks, then you grinned and shoved them under your pillow.

Could come in useful in case Loki ever joined you down here.

You quickly grabbed your sketchbook and went downstairs, through the lounge onto the terrace. The warm afternoon air smelled like freshly cut lawn and the sweet fragrance of a flower wafted through the air. The subtle redolence of jasmine, you guessed.

“Kitten. Come here, love.”

Loki sat on the ground, his back leaning against the brick wall of the house and his long legs drawn up. When you approached him, he parted them and patted the ground between.

“Will you afford me the pleasure of your presence for a few minutes before you rush off to sketch horses?”

You came to a halt in front of him, and he took the drawing pad out of your hand, then pulled you down to sit between his legs, so that you leaned with your back against his chest with his legs on either side of you.

With a content purr, Loki pressed a kiss on your neck and kept his lips there, nuzzling you lightly, while his arms snaked around you.

Since your latest bedroom adventure, Loki had been even more cuddly than before. Over the past half an hour, he had not missed even a single opportunity to nuzzle you, kiss you, squeeze you or hold you.

“I am sorry.” He whispered.

“Sorry? About what?”

“For not having done this a couple of weeks ago already.”

You chuckled.

“I don't think I would have _wanted_ you to do this a couple of weeks ago.”

“Oh, but I think you would have.”

“And why is that?”

“Merely judging by the drawings in your sketchbook.”

You stiffened.

“You – you had a look through it?”

“You left it out on the table in St Petersburg.”

“Loki!” You pulled away slightly. “That's like -like reading my diary. It's private!”

His arms tightened around you as he pressed you back against him.

“Is it? Well, I am _not_ sorry for _reading_ it then.”

“ _You_ –-”

“Because it saved my day.”

You slowly relaxed back into his embrace.

“It did?”

“I found it the morning after I found out about you and Tony. I may have hoped that your artwork would give me an answer to my feelings when I saw the sketch book sitting there on the table. Apart from that I was dying to see what you had been busy filling it with - I admit that I was rather surprised about what I found.”

You felt yourself blush a little. Most of your sketchbook was, of course, filled with sketches of Loki.

“Surprised and flattered. It gave me hope that you were indeed not interested in Stark.”

“Well, I guess it's ok then that you looked through it without asking my consent.”

“Would you like to see the one that convinced me?”

He picked up the sketchbook and placed it on your thigh, while he flicked through it, stopping to display a sketch of him that you had actually drawn from memory.

It was a very naked Loki, lying on his stomach fiddling with his phone, the blanket just covering his ...

“Would you two like to join me for tea?”

You blushed when you heard Frigga's voice and quickly slammed the sketchbook shut.

“As long as there are scones and cookies.”

Loki said with a mischievous smile on his face.

“There will always be scones and cookies for you, Loki.”

She offered him.

You stood and brushed over your hands over your dress. Frigga's eyes fell on the drawing pad in your hands.

“Have you been out sketching, dear?”

You felt the colour rise to your cheeks.

“Not yet, I was going to go down to the stables, but I'll do that afterwards.”

Loki rose to his feet, snaking one arm around your waist.

“You could show mother some of the sketches you did of me?”

_What the hell?_

God, you wished you could just kick his shin _very_ hard for that statement.

“Sure.” You mumbled as the two of you followed Frigga over the terrace.

As soon as Frigga turned away from you, you rammed your elbow in Loki's side, which elicited a chuckle.

“What is the matter?” He asked innocently, rubbing his ribs. Then his voice dropped, so that his mother could not hear it, and he added, “I did not mean - show her the nude studies you have been doing – _without my consent_.”

“Loki!” You hissed.

“I could sue you for that, you know?”

“And I would ask Hela to defend me.”

He laughed.

“You have learnt to play your cards well.”

“I have had the best teacher.”

You reached a table that was already set – complete with a flower bouquet, tea, a three tier cake stand with scones and cookies and fine bone china table ware.

Loki and you took your seats. You glanced at the three sets of porcelain tea cups and plates, then at Frigga.

“You were expecting us to join you?”

“Merely hoping.” She smiled.

Frigga poured you some tea.

“Do you take milk?”

“Cream and a little sugar.”

“Just like Loki.”

“Yes. I also love scones and cookies.” You winked and she chuckled softly.

“Excuse my curiosity, dear, but may I ask, what is the reason that you haven't seen your family in a while?”

“I never felt the need to go back.”

"What made you leave?" Then she shook her head. "I apologise if this is too personal, of course there is no need for you to explain it to me."

"It's fine." You took a sip of your tea, which was delicious and filled you with comfort. “I just - I couldn't meet their expectations. Couldn't live the life they wanted me to live. I mean, even my marriage was planned out for me. The perfect man with the perfect amount of money, who could offer me the perfect home, sire the perfect children.”

Loki's eyes snapped to yours.

“You were – you were _married_?”

He asked, his voice taking on a weak note.

“I was _about_ to be married.”

“I see.”

You side-eyed him curiously as he fiddled with his tea cup, eyes avoiding your gaze.

“Nobody can force you to marry someone. Not in this day and age.” Frigga deadpanned.

“Of course they weren't forcing me, but my life was very – controlled - and I tried really hard to please them. Fit in.”

“You do not need to talk about this, if it makes you uncomfortable. The last thing I want is to make you feel uncomfortable while you are here, I want you to feel at home.”

Frigga reached out and placed her hand on yours.

“I would like to know more.” Loki stated as he looked at you, his eyes unreadable.

You took another sip from your tea and reached for a scone, smothering it with a layer of clotted cream topped with strawberry jam.

“I was born into a very conservative family, a family with generations of proper conduct and a narrow-minded way of thinking. It was all about public appearance and keeping up appearances. I didn't fit in. Right from the start, I was asking too many questions, ripping too many dresses by climbing too many trees and got too dirty when playing outside. My dad would laugh and call me adorable, while my mum was horrified and bent on turning me into a presentable, good girl.”

You looked at the scone on your plate, suddenly not hungry anymore.

As much as you had hated your mum's constant criticism and complaints – as much as it pained you that you had never been good enough – right now, sitting here with Loki and his perfect mother, you realised how much you missed her.

“I love horses.” You said, not really knowing where that had come from. “But I was never allowed to ride. Because mum had fallen off a horse when she was a child, so riding was too dangerous and not proper for a girl. My dad was consumed by his career, hardly spending time with us. But when he did, he reminded me at every moment that becoming an artist was nothing but a childish dream. That I needed to find a real job. Work that earned a living. Have a successful career.

I guess, at some point they decided that it was best for me to marry, because they didn't think me clever enough to find a well-paid job. I must have been a terrible disappointment for them, because I liked sit at home and read and draw rather than go out. Contrary to my sister, I hated receptions, balls and dinners. I only went because that was what was expected of me. I tried to please them so hard.”

Loki leaned back in his chair, you did not look at him but you felt him staring at you.

“Your family are wealthy?”

“Rich. But far from wealthy. I mean, wealthy like --” You broke off.

“Like us.” Frigga finished and you nodded.

“So, you have siblings?” She asked.

“One sister, one brother. I am the youngest.”

“And they weren't looking out for you?” You could hear the incredulity in Loki's voice.

_No. They weren't like Hela, or Thor._

That was why you adored Thor, because you had always wished to have a “ _real_ ” brother.

“They thought I was odd – and ungrateful. Apparently my parents did everything in their power to make me happy, but I was just too ungrateful to see it. They kind of always made me feel as if there was something wrong with me.”

Loki huffed.

“Thor was an ass, but he never made me feel that way.”

“Thor's a good brother.” You added, which made him huff again.

“Gods, how could you even – how could you agree to all this?”

You bit your lip.

_Because I wanted them to love me?_

Sounded pretty pathetic, you were fully aware of that.

“Because I – I didn't know what else to do. Everyone around me seemed to fit into this world so perfectly, I just tried to fit in, I guess."

"What about the guy you were going to marry?"

"Clint? He was nice, actually. Down to earth and surprisingly humble for someone who had won the European championships in archery when he was fourteen. His father was a diplomat and our families met at a reception in the American embassy. He was sixteen and I was a year younger, we got along right away and both our mothers were convinced that we were made for each other. We got engaged on my seventeenth birthday."

You realised you were chewing on the tip of your thumb, so you quickly let your hand sink into your lap.

"I should have felt happy, but it was the worst day of my life. I cried all night. I felt like I was dying inside.”

“I am sorry, dear.” Frigga said softly, but you could not look at her or at Loki. For some reason you felt ashamed. Ashamed for being so weak.

“I left home as soon as I was eighteen. Legally of age. They wouldn't allow me to study arts, so when I heard that a boy from my neighbourhood went on a road trip through Europe, I packed a few belongings, withdrew all my savings and joined him. I was scared, but I think I was more terrified of _staying_. I never went back home after that. I write them sometimes, to let them know I'm ok and ever so often I speak to my brother to see how they are.”

Loki and Frigga were silent. Loki's mother's eyes were full of something akin to compassion.

You suddenly felt out of place.

And full of self-pity.

Your story wasn't _that_ dramatic, really. You were just feeling sorry for yourself.

There were countless people who had _really_ suffered in their lives, and there were countless people who shared your fate. Very few ever took the step of running away. And that was what you were doing, wasn't it?

Running away.

Withdrawing.

Even though you had convinced yourself over the years that it had been the right thing to do, you still felt a heaviness in your heart. 

You shrugged it off.

“I can't complain, really, while I was with my family, I had a lot of things others could only dream of. Toys and pretty dresses and a stable full of dressage horses.”

"But you were not accepted for who you are." Frigga said. "You were not allowed to be your own person.”

“Well, I'm my own person now.”

You smiled a little and picked up the scone to take a bite.

“And I'm sitting on the terrace of a magical palace in the middle of England, indulging in wonderful company and in scones with strawberry jam. I think I've got a pretty good life.”

When you glanced over at Loki, you were surprised not to see him smiling at you. It startled you when he pushed back his chair and rose to his feet.

“Loki?”

He merely glanced at you before he turned around and stalked off. Frigga did not hold you back when you rose to go after him.

You caught up with him before he reached the doors to the living room and grabbed his arm.

He halted and heaved a sigh.

“Did I say anything wrong? Anything that hurt you? Did I -?”

He turned and grabbed your wrist, his grip a little too tight to be comfortable.

“You make me feel like a fool.”

_What?_

You blinked at him, confused.

“I tried to control you. Isn't that what you said? Are you allowing this because you feel pity for me?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I treated you badly and you still stay with me. Why? Is it merely to please me?”

“Loki, what are you talking about?”

His grip was tight now, his eyes boring into you.

“Are you allowing me to control you because you are trying to please me? Because you do not know what else to do?”

“What? I don't understand.”

“Tell, me, are you enduring all this merely to please me? Or because you _want_ to be with me?”

“Why? What?”

“ _Tell_ me.”

“No. Why? Why are you saying this?”

“Because if you are – if you are doing this to please me - than it is better for you to leave me -  _now_. Don't wait until you realise that this makes you unhappy.”

You shook your head.

“Oh, god, Loki. Don't - no - it's not like that."

 _Jesus_. 

“Good god, Loki, I don't know what happened to make you feel so - so insecure, but, of course, I'm here with you because I _want_ to be. I am here, because _you_ make me feel good. You – you've said things to me that I never thought I'd deserve to hear. You have given me so much. I just hope I'll be able to give you something worthwhile back one day.”

His eye lids fluttered a little, his lips tightened, then he shook his head and let go of your wrist.

He pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I'm selfish.” He said. “Only ever thinking about myself. I apologise.”

"Loki." It took a moment before he raised his gaze to look at you. "Just _hold_ me, will you?"

"I am so sorry." He stepped up and closed his arms around you.

"I feel safe here. I mean, in your arms. And I do not want to be anywhere else right now, ok?"

You felt his lips on the top of your head.

"Just do not -" He broke off and sighed against your hair. "Do not leave me."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think if you can spare a minute. :)


	31. Come hell or high water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone 💖 for the comments you left on the last chapter.  
> I really appreciated the feedback just so I know I'm still on track with the characters. Loki is such a broken little thing, once you get past his tough outer shell, but then I don't want him to go too soft either.
> 
> Anyway, we'll be facing the godfather and have a rather 'strange' reunion with an old acquaintance who turns out to know Loki quite well. And delivers a few lines of wisdom....
> 
> I couldn't help throw some movie quotes in there. Shoot me, I love doing it!! 
> 
> Enjoy!!

Though _I've tried before to tell her_  
_Of the feelings I have for her in my heart_  
_Every time that I come near her_  
_I just lose my nerve_  
_As I've done from the start_

_~Sting, every little thing she does is magic_

 

“I owe you an apology and while I deem you compassionate enough to forgive an old fool, I understand if you are _not_ willing to.”

The deep, baritone voice startled you out of your concentration. You looked up, not mildly surprised to see the godfather standing in the door of the empty box stall you had settled in.

After sketching some of the animals outside, you had withdrawn to an empty stall and settled on the straw to work on details. It allowed you to let your mind wander without being caught up in your thoughts.

Loki and you had ended up having tea and scones with Frigga. The tension was gone, and yet, Loki's reaction was still on your mind.

_How could he have so little trust in you? How could he think you would just leave him?_

Well, thinking about it, you had not even spent two days together since you had admitted to your feelings. And yet it felt much longer, because it seemed that time spent with Loki was time spent on a whole new level of intensity. The intensity of every single moment. 

And it had been a very intense couple of days, well, couple of weeks really.

You could not really blame him for not trusting you, considering how unsure he was about your relationship.

He really knew nothing about you _and_  it seemed he was facing his own demons by letting you close.

You wondered what had made him so sensitive. So careful and vulnerable.

He said that he had loved once before.

Had she used him and left him? Like that girl that had dated Thor?

Why was Loki so afraid?

“If you decide to hate me, then I merely ask that your decision will not affect Loki's place in our family.”

Odin ripped you out of your thoughts. 

_Good god, Loki was truly consuming your thoughts._

_Wait, had Odin just apologised to you?_

_No, he hadn't, had he?_

_And what was that about Loki's place in the family?_

“What?”

 _How eloquent,_ you could hear Loki's voice inside your head.

“I am asking that, should you foster negative feelings towards me, you do not influence Loki to leave us.”

Odin answered your question. There were at once softness and authority in his voice.

You blinked at him.

_Bloody hell, he was confusing, just like Loki._

Somehow you really had trouble following people's thought patterns today. Or maybe it was only Loki and his father's thought patterns.

They both seemed to share a similar proficiency in being able to confuse you.

“I'm afraid that I can't follow you. Why would I do that?”

“Frigga said that you left your own family when you were a teenager. I am merely concerned that you may convince Loki to break his ties with us, and I am asking you not to."

"He loves his family. He would never do that."

"As we love him and we do our best to protect him.”

Odin's grey eye rested on you with an unusually soft gaze, but his words let your guts twist in anger.

You sat up and closed the sketch book with a loud snap.

“Protect him? _Protect_ him?! Is that what you call protection? You hurt Loki! You betrayed his trust!”

_Damn, there went your tongue again._

“So I did.”

“What the _hell_? You did it on purpose?”

“Yes.”

You jumped to your feet.

“And you are trying to tell me you are _protecting_ him? Let me tell you then, that he is quite likely better off with one of his _whores_ than his so-called _father_.”

_Holy Hell. Where did all this rage come from all of a sudden?_

Odin heaved a heavy sigh, but he did not move from the doorway when you wanted to get past him.

“Impulsive. Rash. Unafraid to speak your mind. I see why he fell for you.”

“You've apologised. I listened. Now I want to leave.”

“Y/N. Grant me a few minutes to explain myself.”

You exhaled sharply. Your hand clenched into a fist. You felt more like punching him than giving him a chance to explain himself.

“I am aware that you are _not_ like the other girls Loki has been involved with." You crossed your arms over your chest. "I am well aware that he loves you and, despite the fact that you seem to be a vagabond, I hope that you reciprocate his love.”

_Vagabond. The audacity!_

Nevertheless, you let your arms drop and searched Odin's eye. The godfather stepped aside to give you an opportunity to leave, and you chose not to.

You could tell he _cared_ for Loki. He truly _loved_ Loki. And whatever crazy reason Odin had had for what he had done, you were at least going to listen to him.

“I would have to be blind not to see that you are a good person and that you are most certainly not after his money. And I admit that I am more than happy that Loki has found someone who recognises his worth.”

 _Now_ you felt annoyed.

“Loki is not a thing to be judged as worthy or worthless. And stop flattering me. It won't get you back in my good books." You frowned. "Well, you've actually never been in my good books anyway – so I guess it doesn't matter.”

Odin laughed a raspy, but pleasant laugh, that reminded you of Thor.

“You really have a rash tongue. And no respect.”

“Not for someone who owns no respect for me or the ones he claims to love.”

The godfather straightened up to his full height, crossing his arms over his broad chest, and you could not deny that he was somewhat intimidating, but, by all means, you were not going to show him that.

"You were going to tell me why you deliberately hurt Loki?"

Your tone was cold. 

“I needed to know how he feels about you. His true feelings. Loki is an expert at controlling his emotions, there was no other way than to winkle a reaction out of him to know how invested he is in you.”

You huffed and crossed your arms over your chest again.

“Loki, for his part, is taking this relationship very seriously, and if you are doing the same, you should know what you are getting yourself into.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Look, I appreciate your concern, but I think I'm old enough to make decisions when it comes to relationships.”

“That is not what I meant. There are things about Loki that even he himself is unaware of." Odin paused as if too search for the right words. "Loki is very sick.”

“He doesn't look sick to me.”

“You are aware that we adopted him?”

You nodded.

“And do you know why we adopted him?”

“Because you put his parents into jail?”

“Because he has a very rare genetic disorder that needed special medical treatment. Expensive treatment, that most people would not have been able to afford. The authorities were basically going to let him die, because they were not prepared to pay for the son of a criminal.”

That was harsh.

You dropped your gaze to the floor. 

Your dark god really was a black sheep, it seemed. 

"They couldn't have - wouldn't have - done that - can't deny a baby its birthright."

"Loki's birthright was to _die_."

You swallowed as you met Odin's gaze, which held the same unreadable quality that you so often found in Loki's.

“I thought that Loki had treatments in his childhood? That he was cured?”

“The sickness has been halted. At least that's what _he_ thinks.”

“And what - what is the truth?”

“The truth is that the doctors do not know. They think it has merely slowed down rather than halted, but it is likely that anything that causes a major upset to his immune system, could send him into a coma. Or confine him to bed for an unforeseeable amount of time.”

You swallowed hard.

“And you think I would leave him because of that?”

“I do not think you selfish enough, no. I think that you would prefer to live with the knowledge that you could loose him, rather than leave him to spare _yourself_ pain.”

“Why are you telling me this then?”

“So that you have a choice.”

“I made my choice.”

“Loki does not usually commit himself and I thought it wise, considering the circumstances.”

“You think he does not deserve someone who loves him?”

“Why do you twist my words? We let him believe that the sickness is halted so that he would allow himself to love someone. If Loki knew about this, he would never commit to a seriousrelationship.”

“Why?”

“He would not want others to suffer because of him.”

“I do not want him to suffer either. And I am not planning on leaving him, just because he is sick and I may loose him.”

“Then you should know that we are prepared to do anything for him, should the need arise. And I mean - _anything_. I am – _we_ are – prepared to support you with whatever you need if you are willing to commit to this.”

You shook your head.

“The only thing I need is the assurance that you won't hurt him again.”

Odin smiled at you and you were surprised that your mouth twitched and you returned his smile.

It was as though a cosy warmth slowly trickled into your heart and reached out towards the one eyed man in front of you. The very air around you seemed to fill with a feeling of relief.

"You are wise - for a vagabond."

When you scowled at him, he laughed softly. 

“And you are right, my methods may have been a little uncivilised.”

“No. Not _may_ havebeen.”

He moved into the main corridor of the stables and you followed him.

"Can I consider myself forgiven then, young lady?"

"I'll think about it."

 

 

***

 

Loki pulled you through the crowd. You could tell by how focused he was that he had spotted someone he knew, but you were too caught up in glancing around to pay attention to where he was dragging you off to.

Sif had been right, Allerdale Hall was rather amazing. You wondered if you would be allowed to explore the upper levels of the house, but then you remembered the stories she had told you. What if it was really haunted?

 _Creepy_.

Apart from the fact that it was apparently built on the site of an old Pagan temple.

Or rather, a site of Pagan worship. As far as you understood these temples had not been actual buildings but rather stone or tree circles erected on crossing points of the the earth's energy gates or lay lines. England was full of those kind of places, so it did not surprise you that people would have built their homes on these significant sites.

When Loki came to a halt, you were behind him and heard him greet the person before you saw their face.

“Stephen, it is a pleasure to meet you here.”

“Loki. How good to see you. Have you been keeping out of trouble?”

_Wait. You knew that low, velvety voice._

You stepped up to stand beside Loki to get a good look at the man he was talking to and your jaw almost dropped.

“Stephen, this is my assistant, Miss Y/L/N.”

_Wait. What? Assistant?_

_Apparently you were back to formalities in public._

“Y/N, this is Dr Stephen Strange.”

Pushing your confusion and irritation at Loki's introduction aside, you grinned at Stephen.

“What an unexpected surprise!”

Stephen stated, a smile spreading on his face.

“You two _know_ each other?”

Loki gaze wandered between you and Stephen.

“We met in Nepal, a few years ago.”

You filled him in, while you held Stephen's gaze.

You had spent six months living in Stephen's home in Kathmandu, helping him out at work, and he had been pretty much the most annoying, funny and caring person you had met.

_Hm. Funny, annoying, caring. Bit of an asshole. You were starting to see a pattern._

You seemed to attract those kind of men.

Or rather, be attracted to them?

Surprisingly, Stephen and you had only ever been friends. Good friends.

“We met on a hike through the foothills of the Annapurna range to be precise." Stephen took a sip of the drink he was holding. "Peter and her traveled back to Kathmandu with me, after spending a few nights at my home in Pokhara.”

_Yikes. Did he have to mention Peter?_

You watched Loki's eyes narrow.

“A – uh, friend.” You said, before Loki could ask.

 “Peter Quill.” Stephen said, letting the name melt on his tongue. “A reckless boy ... and very much in love, as far as I remember?”

_Crikey. Hell was surely going to break loose as soon as you were alone with Loki._

“How do you and Loki know each other?” You attempted to diverge the conversation.

“Stephen is my surgeon.” Loki explained coolly without taking his rather intense gaze off you.

“The best in the country.” Stephen threw in.

“Oh. So, you're back in England now?”

“Briefly. I've been traveling between Kathmandu, New York, London and Hongkong lately. What about you?”

“Just joining Loki on a business trip. I live in New York.”

He narrowed his eyes a little and glanced from Loki to you. If you did not know him well, you would have missed the glint in his eyes and the hint of a smirk that crept over Stephen's face, which otherwise remained perfectly calm. 

He was one of those people who could look at you with a completely straight face and deliver the most hilarious lines, never breaking his composure. 

But you knew him well enough to tell that he was seeing right through the whole _assistant_ thing, and that he was keen to dig for the truth.

His gaze settled on Loki.

“How is your mother, Loki, I heard she had an accident a few weeks ago. Is she recovering well?”

“Astoundingly well, thank you. She was lucky. It could have been much worse.”

“So, you're at Birch Grove to see her?”

“Yes.”

“And you brought along your – _assistant_?”

_Oh, yes. He knew._

“My PA. We are on a European tour and have a couple of days off schedule.”

“I see.”

_It did hurt._

The fact that Loki was not going to acknowledge your relationship in front of Stephen.

It gave you a queazy feeling in the pit of your stomach and your gaze dropped to the floor and the conversation between the two man faded into the background.

“Did it work out in the end, Y/N?”

You looked up at Stephen and frowned, realising he was speaking to you.

“Did what work out?”

“Well, didn't you end up leaving Peter for that hotel manager? What was his name, Pike?”

“Pine.”

“Ah, yes, Jonathan Pine.”

“I – I didn't _leave_ Peter because of Jonathan. We broke up way before that.”

Loki shifted on his feet and the look in his eyes caused your cheeks to flush.

“I remember having quite a few late night drinking sessions with Peter pouring his heart out to me.”

His eyes shifted to Loki briefly and you understood. Stephen did _not_ agree with Loki calling you his  _assistant_.

“But I understand why a lady would fall for Mr Pine. Very much the gentleman, wasn't he?”

“He was lovely, actually, while Peter was more of a pirate. Not that that's a bad thing.”

“No. When I was young I wanted to be a pirate.” Stephen said and smiled.

Loki had grown dangerously quiet.

“You were going to go to Egypt with him, weren't you?”

“I planned to, but then decided to go back to the States. I needed some stability.”

“A shame you never contacted me, I would have loved to hear from you. We spent six month of our lives together, after all.”

Loki cleared his throat unobtrusively and Stephen turned to him with a slight frown on his face.

“You weren't aware that your assistant has a record of debauchery?”

“No. Evidently not.” Loki's lips were thin as he looked at you.

“Well, let me tell you then, my friend, that this girl has broken many a heart in her innocence. Sadly, or luckily, her charms never worked on me – neither did mine work on her – we only ever had a _work_ relationship.” He threw in nonchalantly. “Taking care of orphaned children and injured people after the earthquake in Kathmandu. She was the best assistant I've had overseas, so you can consider yourself lucky to have her.”

“Can I?”

Stephen locked eyes with Loki and the tone of his voice dropped a tad.

“Most certainly. She is a jewel. And the man who owns her heart should consider himself verily blessed, my friend. He should at least have the courage to admit it.”

Stephen winked at you, then his eyes flicked back to Loki before he brought his drink to his lips while holding his gaze, taking a long sip. 

You could not help but be baffled _and_ awed by the scene that unfolded in front of you. These two obviously knew each other. Quite well, judging by the way Stephen spoke to Loki.

“And how would this _man_ know that he _won_ her heart?”

A hint of fragility vibrated in Loki's voice.

“Always so perceptive and yet you do not notice the most obvious things, don't you? You think too little of yourself."

Stephen's eyes narrowed slightly and Loki's seemed to grow wider before his posture grew tense.

"I see that you are still behaving as if you were my older brother. I already have one of those, I do not _need_ another one."

"And I see that arrogance and fear still keep you from learning the simplest and most significant lesson of all."

"Which one would that be?"

"It's not _all_ about you. We never loose our demons, Loki, we learn to live above them."

 

  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you haven't watched Sherlock ... he wanted to be a pirate when he was a boy ;)


	32. Dance with the devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! Thank you again for the lovely comments ... and ideas :))) and extra kudos 💖
> 
> This chapter is quite different to what I originally had in mind, as I got inspired by "serisae" to include an extra character - as I said, I hadn't planned this and some of you may go - what the ??? seriously??? a ghost???
> 
> Well, anyway, I think it turned out quite fun - and I was able to slip in a few more movie quotes - ehehe...

_I know I stand in line_  
_Until you think_  
_You have the time_  
_To spend an evening with me_  
_And if we go_  
_Someplace to dance_  
_I know that_  
_There's a chance_  
_You won't be_  
_Leaving with me_  
_Then afterwards_  
_We drop into_  
_A quiet little place_  
_And have a drink or two_  
_And then I go_  
_And spoil it all_  
_By saying something stupid_  
_Like I love you._

_Frank Sinatra, something stupid_

_(although my favourite cover version is Robbie Williams with Nicole Kidman)_

 

 

“Ok, that's enough, Stephen.” Loki scowled at him.

Stephen smiled.

“So, how long have the two of you been together?”

“Two – days.” You said, biting your lip.

“Two _days_?” One of his eyebrows rose in disbelief.

“We are on a business trip.” Loki explained, then he sighed. “This wasn't supposed to happen.”

_Ouch. That hurt._

“Oh, are you regretting it already?”

It kind of slipped out. You weren't particularly good with hiding your feelings.

Loki turned to look at you, eyes wide with shock.

“What? No, I -”

You crossed you arms over your chest and glared at him, hoping your eyes were reflecting the fire that currently swept through your entire being.

“First you introduce me as your _assistant_ , and then _this_ – whatever ' _this_ ' is - wasn't _supposed_ to happen, huh?”

“Kitten, calm down. I didn't mean it that way.”

“Well, I'm sure you won't mind if your _assistant_  wanders off to get herself a drink – by _herself_." You glanced over at Stephen. "I'll find you and get your number off you later.”

You did not wait for either of them to answer, but simply walked off. You had spotted a small bar back in the main hall, and you did really feel like a drink.

Seeing Stephen should have put you in a good mood, and coming you had looked forward to coming here with Loki. 

But the fact that Loki denied your relationship in public _hurt_. 

You felt rejected. And that was a pain going so deep that it flipped the switch of your rational mind to 'off'.

You were glad that Loki did not come after you, because since you were not in the right state of mind to listen to him objectively, you were sure that _anything_ that would have tumbled from Loki's lips would have quite possibly caused you more pain.

As you crossed the hall to reach the bar, you passed the large staircase leading to the upper levels of the ginormous mansion, and before you knew it, you climbed the stairs to the first floor. It was good to have some space. You walked across the wide landing to the next set of stairs that led you higher up. 

Maybe you should not be up here. This was private property after all, and you had no intention to intrude on anyone's privacy, but then, this was a public party and the bottom of the staircase was basically in the middle of the hall that served as a dance floor.

It was an open invitation.

You ascended the stairs all the way up to the last floor, where you leaned on the banister and glanced down into the hall below that slowly began to fill with dancing people.

From up here the architecture of the house looked even more impressive. You had a perfect view on the different stories, the meandering staircases, different landings and open corridors that were lavishly decorated with small spires and gothic carvings.

Beautiful and creepy.

As you lifted your gaze to the floor you were on, your eyes fell upon an open door across from where you were standing.

Warm light seeped through the gap in the door out onto the polished wooden floor of the corridor and allowed you a glimpse of the room behind it, which looked like a workshop of some kind.

Curiosity go the better of you.

The door was half-way open and you knocked softly to announce your presence in case someone was inside.

There was no answer, so you pushed it open and gasped.

Before you stretched a dimly lit, long room that was full of small trinkets, unusual machinery, work desks and shelves with tools.

It was workshop, only it looked like it had been frozen in time. And even though there was not a speck of dust anywhere, everything was kept clean and orderly, the items in here were clearly from another era. At least a hundred years old.

Sif had mentioned that the house was used as a tourist attraction, so you guessed this was one of the rooms they kept in its original state, like a museum.

 _Amazing_. 

There were dolls heads and unfinished toys that had the undeniable vintage air of a dark time.

To your surprise, instead of dread, a feeling of warmth swept over you as you sauntered into the room. Being in here, surrounded by all the old stuff, you could see why people thought this place was haunted. It looked as if somebody had just been working in here. There was even an open notebook on the table, next to sketches of machinery.

You sat down on a small stool by a secretary desk at the far end of the room, running your fingers over the wood of the furniture. 

You closed your eyes. While all this should have creeped you out, the atmosphere of the room soothed you. 

“You are sad.”

The sound of the male voice behind you startled you and one of your hands flew to your chest as you spun around to find a man standing in the shadow of the doorway.

_Jeepers creepers. He had almost given you a heart attack._

His face was obscured by the shadow cast from the lampshade of the ceiling lighting, so that you could only make out his silhouette and his clothing.

“I apologise, I did not mean to startle you.”

His voice was soft. Soothing, like the room.

“Oh, it's – it's ok. I just didn't hear you.”

Your heart was pounding wildly, but you let your hand sink into your lap and stared at the stranger. 

He lingered in the doorway, not coming closer.

“What makes you sad?”

“I'm annoyed with my man.”

“The man you love?”

You were bemused by the innocence that laced the man's voice as he placed the question.

“Yes. The man I love.”

“Did he hurt you?”

You shook your head.

Then you nodded.

“He denied our relationship in public.”

“But - he loves you?”

You narrowed your eyes, trying to see him better. It felt odd having a conversation like this with a stranger, but then it also felt – good. Maybe it was easy to speak to him, because of the fact that he did not know you.

“I – I think so. When we are alone, he makes me believe that he does.”

“At times it is difficult to know how to value love. And sometimes, even if we find love, we cannot escape who we are.”

 _Wow, pretty accurate, wise words from a man who did not even know you_  - _or Loki._

You let your eyes roam over the clothes he wore. They looked old fashioned. The sleeves of his white shirt were wide with tight cuffs around the wrists, the black waist coat matched the slacks he wore and was buttoned right up to the base of his neck. He looked like he was dressed to match the house. 

“Are you - are you one of the _Sharpes_?”

“How rude of me." He laughed softly in an apologetic way. "I forgot my manners, I should have introduced myself. I am Thomas.”

You rose to your feet.

“Nice to meet you, Thomas. Look, I'm sorry, I left the party and snuck up here without asking anyone.”

“I do not mind. People do not come up here often.”

“Do you live here?”

“I do.”

“It's a remarkable house, but – well, to be honest it's kind of creepy. Do you ever get creeped out when you are here all by yourself?”

He laughed again, then his voice took on a note of sadness.

“A house as old as this one becomes, in time, a living thing. It starts holding onto things ... keeping them alive when they shouldn't be. Some of them are good; some of them bad...”

“Is it true? I mean that story about the two Sharpe siblings being in love and murdering his brides?”

He heaved a sigh.

“All of it.”

You gasped.

“Oh, god. That is so -”

“Repulsive?”

“Heart-breaking. I guess only a lack of love can bring us to do these kind of things.”

“Wise words from the lips of a beautiful woman. The things we do for love can be ugly, mad, full of sweat and regret. Love like this burns you and and twists you inside out. It makes monsters of us all.”

_Wow._

He definitely had his way with words.

He took a step forward, into the room and an icy draft hit you, causing goose bumps to creep up your arms. You shivered and frowned.

“So, what about ghosts? Is the house really haunted?”

“Do you believe in ghosts?”

He asked while he moved further into the room.

“I believe that there are things we cannot explain with our limited mind, so I try to keep it open.”

“Someone once told me that ghosts are real. That there are things that tie them to a place, very much like they do to us. Some remain tethered to a patch of land, a time and date, the spilling of blood, or a terrible crime. But there are others, others that hold on to an emotion, a drive, loss, revenge, or love. Those, they never go away...”

He finally stepped into the light so you could see the wavy dark hair and the fine features with watery blue eyes.

You blinked and took a step back.

“You – you look familiar. Similar.”

“Similar?”

“Very similar. My Loki and – you."

A slight frown knitted his brows.

"Maybe similar ancestry, happens a lot out here in the countryside."

"Maybe. But unlikely. I should probably go back downstairs and talk to him.”

“Forgive him his folly.”

“What?”

“More than anything, we need to be forgiven by the ones we love. Otherwise, how can we ever be free?”

He stood a few steps away from you now, those blue eyes softly resting on you, filled with curiosity and affection.

“You - are so different.”

“From whom?”

“From everyone else - who comes up here.” He smiled. “You remind me of someone I once knew." Then he gave a dry sort of laugh and took a step back. "I better let you leave. It was a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Miss.”

“Y/N.”

He repeated your name and a smile lit up his features.

“The pleasure is on my side, Thomas.”

He quickly turned and disappeared back into the hallway. You took a last glance around the room and made your way downstairs.

When you arrived back at the bottom of the staircase, the room was already filled with dancing couples and vibrated with music. You were thankful the music was not too loud as the crowd did make you a little nervous.

“Where have you been? We've been looking for you!” Thor's voice boomed over the noise of the music and you saw him and Sif walking towards you.

She leaned in to talk to you, so you could hear her over the music.

“I thought you might want to meet the Sharpes.”

“Oh, I actually just spoke to one of them.”

Thor and Sif gave each other a quizzical look.

“When you arrived?”

“No, just now, but – well, never mind. I would love to meet them.”

You followed Thor and Sif into a smaller cosy looking lounge with a grand piano, a room that, for some reason, immediately made you uncomfortable.

Sif introduced you to an old lady in a wheel chair and a young woman about your age.

Cecile and Jennifer Sharpe.

“So, you live here too?” You asked the younger woman.

She shook her head.

“No, my aunt and I live in the village. We only come here for events and guided tours.”

You rose an eyebrow.

“Thomas lives here all by himself?”

The two ladies looked at each other. Then the old lady offered you a compassionate smile.

“What do you mean, dear? Nobody lives in the house anymore. It was turned into a museum years ago.”

“But, I - I just met him. Upstairs. Tall, dark hair, beautiful eyes.”

The older lady paled noticeably.

“Where did you see him?”

“Up under the roof. I didn't mean to be nosy, but there was an open door so I went into one of the rooms. A workshop of some kind.”

Now she gasped and grabbed the younger one's hand.

“It's Thomas. I thought he had gone.”

The younger one patted her hand.

“I'm sure it is a misunderstanding, auntie Cecile.”

“What do you mean, you thought he had gone?” You asked.

“One of the guests must have played a trick on you.” The younger one threw in before the old lady could say anything, offering you an apologetic smile. “There have been no male descendants of the Sharpes in my generation, and there hasn't been anyone named Thomas for a long time. Not for a hundred years.”

“How come?”

“Bad luck.”

“Bad luck?”

“Because _Thomas_ Sharpe was a murderer.” The younger woman dead-panned and your heart dropped into your stomach.

The old woman now reached for your hand.

“That's his work shop up there, where he used to build things. I've met him once or twice, he means no harm, darling, but I hoped he was gone. Had finally left.”

“What – what do you mean?”

“Cecile, I think you shouldn't make the lady worry.” The younger woman gently placed her hand on her aunt's shoulder and spoke with a compassionate yet urging tone.

“But he's still heart-broken, Jennifer, that's why he lingers.”

“Auntie, she's not from here.” Jennifer said softly and gave you another apologetic smile. "She doesn't believe in ghosts."

As the words sank in, realisation hit you.

“You mean, she's saying that I was talking to - a ghost?”

Before either of them could answer you, Stephen appeared next to you, putting his arm around your shoulders.

“Ladies.” He nodded a greeting towards the Sharpes, who offered him delighted smiles.

"Stephen, so lovely you could make it." The younger one said.

"Always a pleasure to come to Allerdale Hall. I am afraid that I need to abduct this lovely woman for a dance though.”

Jennifer seemed somewhat relieved.

“Wait, Stephen.” You protested, but he leaned in and whispered.

“Your _boss_ is having a rather hard time, so I'm trying to smooth out my insensitive revelations about your past.”

“Well, it's a bit late for that.”

“Had I foreseen the consequences of my actions, I would have chosen a different path of action. I merely can't handle, seeing a man who is obviously in love denying that he is.”

“Oh, that's very knightly of you.”

He nodded towards the Sharpes and led you back out into the dance hall.

“Nevertheless, Loki is sorry, and I'm done watching him brood and sulk, like he has been for the past half an hour, waiting for you to return. Which has not happened. So, I decided to find you and bring you to him.”

“And what exactly do you expect me to do when I get there?”

“Well, what do you usually do when you two have a crisis?”

“We've only been together for two days!”

“Ah, yes, slipped my mind.”

“Well, so far, when we've had a crisis, we _usually_ managed to create all kinds of misunderstandings, and then one of us – _usually_ me – ends up crying, which, with a bit of luck _usually_ leads to us talking to each other.”

“Sounds like you would do well with partnership therapy before you go any further with this.”

You chuckled.

“How can you keep a straight face when you say things like that?”

“I wasn't joking.”

You passed the staircase leading to the upper floors and pulled him to a stop.

“What?”

“Do you – do you believe in ghosts, Stephen?”

“A few years ago, I would have told you that I only believe in observation, only in what I see, but I've seen so many things I thought impossible, that I am unable to exclude the possibility of occurrences like ghosts.”

You rolled your eyes at him.

“You could have just said _yes_.”

He quirked an eyebrow at you.

“I think I saw a ghost. Up there.”

You pointed upstairs.

To your bemusement, the thought did not actually scare you. It had been a rather pleasant conversation, to be honest. Maybe Thomas was not the kind of ghost they portrayed in horror stories.

“If we don't get you back together with Mr Dark and Gloomy and make him happy again, you will soon be able to see a ghost right here, because I'll be _doomed_ to leave my body as a consequence of the bad karma I accumulated by telling him about your sexual exploits.”

“ _Sexual exploits?_ Excuse me?”

You glared and he chuckled.

“Good to know that I can still awaken your ire.”

“Hell, yes, Doctor _Doom_. But, I'm serious – about the ghost.”

“So am I.”

“Come on, aren't you just a little bit curious?”

He gave you one of his – _fine, I'll surrender to you if you will follow me without any more incidents after this_ \- look.

“I _am_ curious.”

You smiled.

“So, you _think_ you saw one?"

You nodded.

"Was it a woman or a man?”

“A man called Thomas. Thomas Sharpe."

You blurted out.

“He told you his _name_?”

Stephen frowned at you, evidently having a hard time believing you.

“Stephen, I'm not making this up.”

“But he - he spoke to you?”

You nodded.

“Just like a normal person. It was nothing like what you see in the movies. He wasn't translucent or anything and we had an entirely normal conversation.”

“Interesting. I've heard about the place being haunted ... Wait – Thomas Sharpe? Wasn't he the one who -”

“Murdered his wives? Apparently that was him.”

“So, you're standing here, completely calm, telling me that you had an entirely normal conversation with the ghost of a man who murdered his wives?”

You shrugged. And nodded.

“Ok, fine, he didn't strike me as a murderer. But then, he also didn't strike me as a ghost either.”

Stephen shook his head at you.

“And people call _me_ strange. You would be far more deserving of my last name, my dear.”

“Well, he was nice, and I didn't know that he was a ghost at the time of our conversation. Just noticed that he was wearing this old style clothing and spoke like he'd stepped out of Shakespeare in the park. And I'm kind of used to that now, since I've been around Loki.”

“How can you be sure that it wasn't one of the guests, who dressed up to scare others?”

You frowned. You hadn't actually considered that option.

Plenty of guests knew the history of the family and the house, so it wouldn't be surprising for somebody to show up as Thomas Sharpe. Although it would be a rather tasteless joke.

“I'm not. Sure about it.”

“While I do not wish to make you doubt your experience, it is highly likely that somebody would pull that kind of thing off to scare other guests.”

“Yeah, sure. Guess, you're right.”

“Why do you sound so disappointed? Feeling sad about the fact that you may _not_ have had a little chat with the ghost of a murderer?”

“He _wasn't_ creepy, ok?”

“If you say so. It may as well be the proof that he  _wasn't_ a ghost after all.”

“I don't know. Maybe I would have liked to have seen a ghost. He did seem awefully nice for a murderer, so, yes, it doesn't make sense.”

“Not everything does. Not everything has to. I am happy to go up there looking for your ghost later, if you go and pacify your _boss_ first.”

“Is that a deal?”

“Deal.”

You put your arms around his neck and pressed a kiss on his cheek.

“Thanks, Stephen!”

“You're putting me in the line of fire here, darling.”

“Loki knows we're just friends.”

“I doubt that he thinks rationally at the moment.”

Stephen led you to a small area on the side, where Loki was manspreading on a chaise lounge, with a drink in his hand. As soon as his eyes fell on you, he straightened up and Stephen patted your shoulder.

“Good luck. Use your magic on him.”

Loki's eyes followed you as you approached and took the seat beside him. You could tell by the look in his eyes that he was annoyed, angry and felt guilty at the same time.

“You never give me time to explain myself.”

He grumbled.

He was right. You did have the tendency to cut him off.

“I was hurt.”

“That is why I tried to rectify my mistake, but you never gave me even the flicker of a chance to explain myself. Merely indulged in your own insecurity.”

“Well, we seem to have a similar trait then.”

The words tumbled from your lips before you could stop them. Loki side-eyed you and took a sip from his drink. 

“It came as a surprise that you were changing lovers like hats.”

“You never asked about my past relationships. Apart from that - I wasn't - changing them like hats.”

“Well, it sure sounded like it.”

“Look who's talking.”

“At least I admit to being sexually active instead of pretending to be the epitome of innocence.”

_That was low._

You could feel tears welling up in your eyes and you jumped up from the seatee.

“I never pretended that, ok? I was happy living out on the beach by myself until _you_ came along. And yes, you have no problem to proudly admit to all your conquests, but you are too scared to even tell a friend that we're together - while a few hours before that you _begged_ me not to leave you. Who's the one pretending here? Good god, you're such an asshole, Loki!”

You hadn't wanted to raise your voice, neither had you wanted to start crying. It made you feel weak. The last thing you wanted right now was to feel weak.

You were vaguely aware of people turning their heads as you stormed off into the crowd. But you did not come far before you felt a hand wrapping around your arm in a tight grip.

“Damn it, girl. You're not going to run away again!”

Loki spun you around to face him and his mouth collided with yours with force, one arm came around you to press you against him, while his other hand tangled in your hair.

You pushed against his chest trying to struggle free, but Loki held you in place, forcing his tongue into your mouth and moving his lips against yours until you yielded. Your hands came up to the nape of his neck, fingers twisting in his hair and with your anger and hurt still there, you pulled hard. Loki hissed into the kiss, but he never broke it.

Never let you go.

And you finally surrendered, melding into his embrace.

He kissed you right into submission.

The noise of clapping brought your awareness back to the room. To the fact that you and Loki were standing in the middle of the dance floor in a foreign house full of people, who had just witnessed your little drama. And to the fact that Loki was kissing you as if he was about to rip your clothes off. In public.

You kept your eyes closed, focusing on Loki's lips and tongue.

Apparently you were giving everyone a good show.

Loki finally allowed you to pull away from his lips, but kept you close, his hand moving from your hair to your back, eyes searching yours.

“You are mine. Now everyone here knows.” He whispered against your lips. “Does that satisfy you?”

Your hands were still in Loki's hair and you felt the blood rise to your cheeks as your eyes darted around to see that the crowd had parted, so that Loki and you were now literally in the centre of attention with people standing around you in a circle.

A new song came on. It was Robbie William's version of “Something stupid” and people started cheering.

“I believe they are expecting us to dance.”

Loki whispered against your lips and let his hands slide down to your hips, starting to move his feet, taking small steps, while he claimed your lips with his, engaging you in another kiss as the pair of you slowly swayed over the dance floor. 

When you opened your eyes and your lips parted, you saw that the crowd had dissipated and you were mingling amongst the other guests.

Loki moved closer and you felt a distinct hardness poking into you.

“So, arguments turn you on, huh?”

His lips lowered to your ear.

“Indeed.” His breath was hot against your skin as he chuckled. “But to be honest, I've been like this ever since you came down the stairs in Birch Grove, wearing this dress.”

“The _dress_ turns you on?”

“This cursed dress does this to me every single time you wear it, and I don't feel sorry for spilling orange juice all over it in Paris – especially now that I know it was Stark you were meeting.”

“I knew you did that on purpose.”

He sighed against your hair.

“Every time I see you in it, it is - sheer torture. Like that day in the office, when I --” he broke off.

“Back in New York even?”

You tried to remember when you had worn this.

"Having you around me all day in this dress, made it painfully hard to keep myself from ravishing any woman that would have been willing and eager.”

The penny dropped.

“Sara? It was the day I walked in on you?”

“While it sounds like a pathetic excuse to say she took advantage, it is true that she knew what state I was in, and I – I was desperate for relief and I doubt you would have appreciated me fucking _you_ right there on my desk without a warning.”

You weren't quite sure what to say to that.

And you were still not used to him being quite so vulgar and descriptive when he spoke about sex.

“I'm glad you didn't.”

You said and felt him chuckle against your skin.

“I mean, I'm glad you didn't do _her_ on your desk. It would have been a lot more traumatising knowing my keys were lying right there.”

“I never had anyone in my office. Far too intimate.” His lips brushed your ear. “You on the other hand … I would not mind being intimate with _you_ in my office.”

His teeth nibbled along the shell of your ear and you shuddered, feeling a current of arousal surging through.

One of his hands wandered up your back, while his cheek was still pressed against yours, when his fingers reached your shoulder, he tugged your dress aside a little and a moment later you felt his soft lips on your shoulder.

You exhaled sharply and he hummed against your skin.

His warm breath fanned your skin as Loki slowly drew his lips and tongue along the curve of your neck up to your ear.

“What are you wearing underneath tonight? The smoky blue?”

“Must I remind you that, a couple of weeks ago, you claimed that you weren't interested in my lingerie?”

“That, I admit, was a _blatant_ lie. Every single piece I chose that day, I chose for a reason. The smoky blue compliments the tone of your skin and the lace on it is so delicate, it reminded me of you.”

“Do you always romance women with poetic utterances about their underwear?”

He chuckled again and the sound was soothing music to your ears.

“No, it's a first.”

“I can't believe you made me believe you weren't interested in me, when all this time, you wanted to ...”

Loki sealed your lips with his and engaged you in a long, slow kiss. Something he did when he needed to think. Think of the right words to say. When he pulled away, he leaned his forehead against yours.

“I don't know what to do – with you. When I did not tell Stephen, it was not because I do not want to commit to this. To us. Or that I am concerned about being in public. I merely did not know what to say. How to introduce you. Apart from that, I was unsure if your were comfortable with me parading you around as my latest conquest.”

He moved and nuzzled his face against your neck. His hand found the nape of your neck and you moaned softly as his fingers twisted in your hair and he pulled your head back slightly, while drawing his lips along your jaw line at the same time, stopping at the corner of your mouth where he placed a chaste kiss.

“Is that what I am to you? A conquest?” You asked against his lips and he shook his head.

“You are doing it again. Reading into my words.”

“Then tell me. Tell me, what _am_ I to you?”

“You are so much more. More than a girlfriend or a lover or a partner – I _want_ you to be more than that.”

_And what the hell did that mean?_

You leaned your head against his chest and sighed. 

Then you let your hand slip down to his hip and between you, your cheeks flushing as you cupped his hardness through the fabric of the slacks.

“You've been like this ever since we left Birch Grove?”

“Gods, woman, don't torment me.” He whispered against your skin.

“Then let's go somewhere - somewhere I can take care of this.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for a little smut :)
> 
>  
> 
> ps: Pictures are of course subject of copyright.


	33. Moonlight serenade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First of all - THANK YOU for the nice response to the previous chapter. I think it was one of my favourite ones to write because it has a little bit of everything - fun, drama, mystery, fluff, and almost smut ... and I have to say that writing Stephen is giving me tons of joy. 
> 
> Thomas as a ghost - on the other hand - gave me all sorts of cute, fluffy and also naughty ideas, and since I couldn't let him go after the reader in this story, he (lucky little ghost that he is) now has his own fic called "Ghost in the Shadows". 
> 
>  
> 
> Enough rambling... so this chapter is a pure smut, which you can skip if you prefer the plot... ;)
> 
> All right, here we go.....

_I want you_  
_I want you so bad, babe_  
_I want you_  
_I want you so bad_  
_It's driving me mad_  
_It's driving me mad_

_-The Beatles, i want you_

 

“Then let's go somewhere - somewhere I can take care of this.”

You whispered and Loki groaned softly. Then he reached down to grab your hand, grinding himself into your palm for a brief moment, before he laced his fingers with yours and stepped back.

He pulled you threw the crowd and you followed him outside, over a terrace down into the garden, away from the house to a secluded area with marble tables and benches that were gleaming in the soft moonlight.

The balmy evening breeze caressed your skin and the sound of crickets mixed with the quiet noise music that floated down into the garden from the house. 

Loki grabbed your hips and lifted you up to sit on one of the stone tables, letting his hands slide down your thighs to part your knees so that he could stand between them. You tried to get closer and place your arms around him, but Loki pressed one hand against the base of your throat to push you down onto the cold surface, trapping you there with his body, before he caught your wrists to bring them together above your head. He gathered them in one hand, easily keeping a tight and secure grip on them, while his eyes studied your face.

"Loki. Let me take care of you."

Your breath hitched a little as a devious smile crept onto his beautiful face.

_Oh, god._

Your body responded immediately with a pleasant wave of sensual anticipation. His free hand traveled to your cheek, gingerly stroking the back of his fingers over it before he traced your lower lip with the pad of his thumb.

You trembled.

He lowered his head to press a featherlight chaste kiss on your lips, then drew back as if to admire his handiwork, the look on his face resembled one of a curator choosing a rare piece of art for a collection.

You merely stared up at him, dumbfounded at how beautiful he looked in the moonlight, his pale skin illumined with an otherworldly glow and his eyes were ablaze with fire. A fire that was both, a mixture of carnal lust and sweet affection.

_Sweet Lord, you loved this man._

“You look beautiful.” He whispered as he leaned down and tightened his hold on your wrists. “Like a maiden ready to be sacrificed to a Pagan God.”

His words sent a shiver down your spine and you felt a tingling warmth concentrate between your legs as your Pagan God leaned in to nuzzle your ear.

“You like it, do you not? To be at my mercy. To know that I can do whatever pleases me.”

You parted your lips, a moan escaping you, and Loki delivered a tender bite to your neck that made you gasp.

“Answer me, pet.”

You felt a ridiculous sense of pleasure rushing through you at his request.

“Yes.”

Loki's lips were against your ear, his tongue slowly tracing the curves, while his free hand roamed over the bare skin of your sternum that lay exposed due to the low cut of the dress. He bent down to follow the trail of his fingers with his tongue, the sensation of his warm breath, chased by the coolness of the air brushing over the moist trail on your skin, made you writhe under him.

You felt his lips widen into a smile against your skin and inhaled sharply when he slipped his fingers under your dress and bra, pushing both aside and over your shoulder to uncover your breast. He ran his thumb over it teasingly, before he dipped his head down to close his lips over your nipple. Grazing over it with his teeth, then sucking it into his mouth.

“LOKI! Oh god.”

He chuckled.

“Quiet, my little kitten. We do not want to draw anyone's attention, now, do we?”

He returned to devouring your soft flesh with his mouth, and you bit your tongue allowing only the occasional mewl to escape, while he teased you, moaning as if he was enjoying the most delicious food.  You pulled your legs up, putting your feet on the edge of the table, creating a lever to arch up against him.

He growled and abandoned your breast to return to your lips, while his free hand impatiently bunched up the skirt of your dress to slide up your thigh and along the curve of your ass, before he yanked your briefs down to palm your backside. He squeezed it with a satisfied purr.

You lifted your legs up and around him, his tongue entangled in a sweet dance with yours.

Loki's fingers found your warmth and his breathing picked up as he sank them into you all the way to the knuckles of his hand.

You gasped loudly.

Loki kept kissing you as he pulled them back only to push them deeper, the grip on your wrists tightening with every thrust.

You felt the perspiration on his forehead as he leaned it against yours. Short hot breaths brushing against your lips.

You melted into the fire of passion that burnt deep inside your womb, and for the first time, you could relax into it. There was no rush, no painful need, just - _passion_.

Loki's breath on the other hand was rugged, short and strained.

“How I would love to bend you over this table and fuck you hard and unrestrained until you beg for mercy." He growled softly. "Make you mine completely.”

Your imagination was far too eager to pick up on that image, and while a moment ago you had thought that you could relax, his words immediately flooded you with desperate need. Need for him. To feel him inside you.

“And when you finally surrendered yourself to the fate that your only goal in life is to find pleasure in me, I would have you ride me, watching those beautiful breasts of yours bounce in the moonlight as you milk me of every last drop of my seed.”

_God, this man was a menace._

You wound your legs tightly around his hips as you pushed up into his hand, crying out his name. Heat rushed through your body like liquid lava and there was this unbearable moment of impatient, desperate need before it all dissolved into … bliss ... fulfilment ... satisfaction.

You sank back down against the cool stone surface and tried to catch your breath.

“I'm insane for tormenting myself.” Loki whispered against your skin, as if talking to himself. “Insane. I want you so badly. But I can't. I just can't.”

He let go of your wrists and you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him close. Your lips brushed his briefly, then you covered his face with soft kisses.

“My beautiful maiden. My little minx." He whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be silly. You're wonderful." You whispered back. "Albeit _disobedient_."

With his fingers still inside you, he put his other arm under your back and pulled you upright, leaning you against his chest. You gasped as his fingers moved deeper again.

He held your gaze.

"Disobedient?"

"You did not allow me to take care of you." His eyes flicked between yours, a slight smile of amusement tugging on his lips.

"Are you pouting?"

"Gods also have to follow rules, don't they?"

"Hm. And what about the God of Chaos?"

"Even chaos has its own order."

Loki huffed softly and very slowly, withdrew his fingers before he brought them to your lips. Two fingers brushed against your lower lip and a moment later, he licked the moisture off your skin before sliding his tongue into your mouth to kiss you.

Kinky as it was, it was the most erotic thing you had ever shared with anyone, because Loki adored you. He had no sense of shame when he was with you, but he had reverence. And you felt that reverence in every touch, every kiss. In every kinky little thing he did or said. It was true. He revered you. He worshipped you.

You let your hand slip down to his pants. He was still rock hard.

"Does the God of Chaos not deserve worship?"

Without waiting for an answer, you bunched up your dress, so that was out of the way, undid his slacks and let your hand slide inside to free him.

Your fingers traveled along his length, allowing yourself to feel the hot, velvet skin underneath your touch.

Loki exhaled sharply and his fingers tightened in your hair, while his other arm pulled you closer.

You moved your palm down to the base, before you closed your fingers around him, squeezing lightly as you brought your hand back, all the way up.

He felt perfect. His size. His length.

Simply perfect. 

“Tell me, my sweet pet", Loki spoke into your hair, a light moan colouring his voice. "What would you like to do to your god? How would you like to worship him?”

You nestled your face in the crook of his neck as you started stroking him slowly. When you did not respond, Loki lowered his lips to your ear.

“Imagine." Another small moan. "Imagine what you would like to do and then - tell me.”

_Oh, god. You surely had a rather vivid imagination, but - talk about it? You were much better at doing than talking._

“I – uh, I – can't do that, Loki. I'm not like you.”

“Oh, yes, you can, my little minx." He tightened his fingers in your hair, pulling your head back to force you to look at him. "And I _want_ to _hear_ it. If you were to leave all morality aside, what would you like to with to me?”

“With you?” You stuttered.

“Yes.” He chuckled softly. "With _me_."

Then he let go of your hair and kissed the top of your head, while you leaned in against him. 

“I would – uh, -I would have you naked. On one of the tables.”

He chuckled and you squeezed him, satisfied when the chuckle turned into a moan.

“Hm. My little minx likes to be in control.”

You purred against the skin of his neck.

“I would – I would probably like to tie you up, so that you cannot keep me from touching you.”

He moaned softly.

“ _And_?”

“I would kiss all those places I've been wanting to explore. Your arms and shoulders, your chest, all the way down your stomach.”

You were warming up to this, stroking him slowly as you spoke.

“Hm." He purred, lightly bucking into your hand. "And - where would you go from _there_?”

“I would -” You buried your face into his neck. Saying it out loud felt somewhat – lewd. Dirty. You just were't as shameless as he was. 

“Tell me.”

“I would like to – I would – I would use my mouth on you.”

Your grip tightened as you imagined it and when Loki groaned loudly in response, you tilted your head back far enough to see his face. His lips were parted, eyes closed and his head dropped back when you squeezed him.

Watching him made it easier. Seeing how he reacted to your words and your touch.

“I would use my tongue. Right - _here_.”

You moved your hand up and massaged his tip with your thumb.

"Like _this_."

You brought your lips to his neck, sucking gently on the soft skin. Loki growled softly when you tightened your grip.

“I would take my time to taste you. To lick and nibble.”

You flicked your tongue out to lick over his skin and he groaned, while he rocked his hips, thrusting into the firm grip of your hand.

“Norns, pet. That – sounds -” His voice broke into in a deep moan as you tightened your grip and quickened your pace.

"I would suck you." You still had your lips against his neck. "gently at first ... then _harder_."

You dug your teeth into the skin of his neck and sucked, hard enough to leave a mark.

Loki hissed and you could feel him grow with every stroke.

"You would only be allowed release, when I tell you."

"Kitten - gods - please" He panted as he tightened his fingers in your hair again and pressed his open mouth against your temple.

You slipped your hand up and closed your fingers over his tip, stopping all movement.

“What the hell, kitten. Please. Please, don't stop!” Loki groaned and sucked the air through his teeth. "I can't - I need- please ..."

You purred against his skin. 

You could see now why he enjoyed tormenting you so much.

“Yes, I would probably like to hear you plead for release.”

“Oh god, baby.” Loki purred breathlessly, he pulled your head back and caught your lips with his. “Please.” He groaned against your lips.

“Then come for me.” You whispered. “Come for me, my beautiful dark god.”

Loki growled your name as he twitched and pulsed inside your hand.

You stroked him through his peak, allowing him to ride it out, while his warm seed settled over your hand and your thigh.

When his movements stilled, he whispered your name against your hair and his arms came around you in a gentle embrace, fingers caressing the back of your neck, before he pressed you tightly against him.

“Thank you.” he whispered. “Thank you, my little butterfly.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm... wonder when we are going to act on those phantasies....


	34. Raise the devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...aaaand another filthy smut chapter... this is rather descriptive so be warned!! .... I had planned some plot in here too, but ran out of time.
> 
> Seems Loki has taken over again and is on a roll -  
> But really, I mean, waking up naked next to a naked Loki could only lead to one thing ... 
> 
> Promise plot for the next chapter :)

You woke up with your head resting on Loki's bare chest while the rest of your body was stretched along his side, and you relished feeling his warm skin against yours. Both of you were naked, even though you could not recall taking off either the shirt or the briefs you had been wearing when you climbed into bed.

 _Devil_.

With a satisfied smile you inhaled the scent of his skin and let your hand wander from his side to his chest, gingerly stroking your fingers over the smooth skin, while you drew one of your legs up, pressing your core against his hip with a purr and sliding your thigh a little higher so it rested over his hardened length.

_Well, good morning._

You thought with a smirk on your face.

Loki hummed. Fingers tightening in your hair, while his other hand roamed lazily along your thigh.

“Temptress.” He muttered in a velvet and a little hoarse morning voice.

“Hm. Lovely that you're all ready to go.” You purred as you pressed your thigh a little harder against him.

“Wanton little pet.” He breathed softly and stroked your thigh affectionately.

“I want you, Loki.”

His fingers stilled.

“I never thought I'd say this to anyone, but I want you so badly that it's torture not to feel you inside me.”

His fingers spread like a fan over your skin and he ran his hand with firm pressure along your thigh, from your knee to your hip. Where his splayed fingers settled on the part where your thigh meets the soft curve of your ass, the fingertips of his pinky and ringfinger sneakily slipping between your legs to brush along your sensitive skin. 

With a soft moan you pressed harder against him, spreading your legs a little more so to invite his fingers to explore.

“If you still want me when we arrive in New York, then I promise, I will give you what you need.”

“In New York? That's still like what - three days away?”

He chuckled softly.

“Growing impatient, are we?”

“Loki, I won't change my mind. I want you now, I will still want you in three days.”

“Just give me this much more time. I need to – I need to settle a few things, before we go any further.”

“What does that mean?”

“There are things that need to be - resolved. And I want you to know more about my past.”

“Then talk to me.”

You let your hand roam over his chest and down his side, turning your head to place a kiss on the soft skin.

“It's not – it's not easy for me to talk about this.”

“I wish you would trust me a little more.”

“I trust you. But I am – it is not you.” He sighed.

“Are you still afraid that you're going to scare me away?”

“I spent a year and a half in a mental institution, because of drug abuse and violent behaviour. I threw a man threw a window without hesitation, and I'm not exactly what you would call stabil.”

“I know you are an insane, beautiful and dangerous sociopath with a god-complex and I'm fine with that. What else is there I need to know?” You tried to make light of the situation.

“You are taking this far too lightly, love.”

“I just don't see how sleeping with each other will change things.”

The tips of his finger slipped between your legs, meeting your warmth and making you press your naked body flush against him.

“Your so ready for me.” he whispered and you knew he was diverging.

You allowed him.

He moved to kiss the top of your head. Such an innocent gesture compared to what his fingers were unleashing as he dipped them into you. You moaned and your fingers dug into his chest.

“Hm. And so responsive.”

You pulled yourself up to straddle him, careful to not let him pull his fingers away but continue his ministrations. Loki's eyes searched yours as he looked up to you.

“Promise me. Promise me New York.”

He closed his eyes and brought his other hand up to stroke the skin of your thigh. 

“We will go back to London tomorrow morning. Father will be joining us, so there's only one meeting that I have to attend before the gala at the Tate Gallery in the early afternoon. We can go straight to the airport after that, if you wish. We will be home before midnight tomorrow.”

His eyes were clear when he opened them to look up at you.

_Home._

That sounded nice. The way he said it, it almost sounded domestic.

“What happened to you that you are so afraid of this? Of us?”

The words slipped out of your mouth before you could hold them back.

Loki's eyes changed, growing unreadable.

“I'm sorry, baby.” You leaned down to place kisses on his neck and up his jaw. “I shouldn't have asked. I don't want to pressure you.”

You kissed along his jaw up to his mouth and brushed your lips over his. 

He extracted his fingers from you and you sighed.

“Turn around.” He ordered. “On your belly.”

The authority in his voice caused your stomach to knot in anticipation, prickling heat pooling between your legs as you slipped off him to lie down on your stomach. You felt him move off the bed and gasped when he climbed on top of you a moment later, pushing your thighs together as he straddled your backside. 

"Your wrists."

You obediently brought them behind your back and he brought your arms together, before he wrapped something that felt like a belt around your locked arms and pulled it tight. You tried to move, but with your arms tied like this, and him sitting on you - there was no chance.

The next moment, Loki grabbed your hair roughly with one hand as he leaned down, and you moaned, feeling his hot length pressing against your lower back.

“You want to be fucked so badly? I will give you a little taste.”

There he was, the ruthless, dangerous man who was your boss.

You shivered, a flush of arousal rushing through you. You had not experienced that side of him in bed.

Your breath hitched as Loki's hands spread your cheeks and he slid his length between them, squeezing your buttocks as he moved and groaned salaciously.

For a moment you panicked.

_He wasn't going to ... ? You had never let anyone do that._

He must have felt your tension, because there was a soft chuckle as he brushed his lips over your back. Then he adjusted himself, slipping his hardness between your thighs that he held pressed together firmly with his own, letting it slide over your slick warmth, teasing you as he rubbed against you in slow strokes.

_Oh. God._

“Please, Loki.”

You tried to move, but conceded to merely moan in both pleasure and frustration. All you could do was to lift your ass to meet his hips.

He chuckled darkly.

“So desperate to be claimed, pet?” You could hear that his voice was strained from his own pleasure.

He lowered his body to rub his warm chest along your back, before sinking his teeth into the nape of your neck.

You whimpered from the need this gesture evoked in your being. The need to give him whatever he wanted. 

This man knew exactly how to bring forward your most feral desires. You felt the fingers of his free hand slip down between you.

“I promise that once I make you mine, I will claim _all_ of you.”

One finger teased over your back entrance as he spoke.

Your cheeks flushed and buried your face in the pillow.

“Would you _like_ that, my little pet?”

You moaned softly into the pillow.

_Damned man. What was he doing to you?_

_You were_ not _going to tell him that you actually found his suggestion rather appealing._

“ _Answer_ me.”

His fingers moved to your hip, holding you in place, while he thrust his hardness deeper between your thighs, teasing your clit.

The way he held you - so completely in his control, was too much for you. You moaned loudly, pushing up against him, and by the way his breathing changed, you could tell he was pretty close too.

Then his hand tightened in your hair, yanking your head back and he leaned over you, biting the shell of you ear.

_Oh, god yes._

Good Lord, you never thought that anybody manhandling you would actually turn you on.

But in this moment, you wanted to be his, you wanted him to do whatever he desired to do with you, no matter how lewd or dark or filthy.

“Would you like me to claim all of you? Your mouth, your sweet cunt and your tight little ass? Because this is what you will get, once you are mine.”

_Oh, god, yes, please ... heavens, why did anything like this turn you on?_

His hips slapped against your backside, as he picked up his pace.

“Anwser me, pet.”

“ _Yes_.”

“Yes, what?” He tightened his fingers in your hair again and you winced.

“Yes, I want you. In – in all hose ways.”

Loki lowered his lips to your ear.

“Then I shall certainly not disappoint you, my little whore.”

You should have been outraged at his words. Disgusted. Upset. Or at least thrown off.

But instead you came.

With a loud groan.

“Oh, baby, you are so beautiful.”

You caught the whispered words just as he pulled away, before he dug his fingers into your hips and ground you into the mattress, thrusting hard, finding his own release while you rode out yours. He groaned your name over and over again until his body stilled and he fell forward, propping himself on his hands. 

With one hand he untied your arms, casting the belt beside you on the bed, before he collapsed on top of you. His lips peppering gentle kisses on your neck.

“Are you alright?” he whispered.

“I think so.”

“That doesn't sound convincing.”

Loki rolled off you and you turned to look at him.

Those clear ocean eyes were regarding you with open affection, his fingers tenderly brushing over your cheek.

“I am not a good man, that's what I have been trying to tell you. I am - broken.”

He sighed and you caught his hand before he could pull it away and placed a kiss on its palm.

Then you moved, so that your face was close to his.

“And you're breaking me, Loki.” You whispered.

His eyes flicked back and forth between yours as he stared at you.

“You're breaking me, little by little, and I like it.”

Loki closed his eyes and shook his head, his hand sliding to the back of your neck, gingerly stroking your skin.

“You shouldn't. But then it is what makes me want you so badly, because you're so beautiful when you surrender to me. So damn beautiful.”

He pulled you towards him and into a rough, desperate kiss that eventually turned slow and tender.

“That is only one of the things I am afraid of.” He breathed against your lips.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... don't know where all this comes from... Loki is a bad influence!


	35. Forest interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, here we go!! It's plot time again ;)
> 
> Sif reveals a little more of Loki's past...

 

 

 

_Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole_  
_You're so much braver than I gave you credit for_  
_That's not lip service_

_You've already won me over in spite of me_  
_And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet_  
_And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are_  
_I couldn't help it_  
_It's all your fault_

 

_~Alanis Morisette, head over feet_

 

The morning was started out very domestic with a family breakfast that included plenty of jokes and laughter. Thor being his boisterous self, while Loki teased and twitted him with a glint of mischief in his eyes and a smug smile lingering on his lips. Odin ever so often shook his head at his sons' foolery, and Frigga seemed overall very pleased with her family.

Loki took you for another horseback ride, this time into the hills overlooking the lake, recounting some of his childhood adventures to you. You spent a couple of hours by the lake before you returned to Birch Grove for lunch. 

After lunch, Loki went off to spend time with Thor and Odin, which you were relieved about because he was very fond of his family and the last thing you wanted was to snag all of his attention while you were in his family's home.

You spent some time with Frigga, who was busy tending to the roses in the garden, when Sif appeared on the steps of the terrace waving at the two of you.

"Come join us!" Frigga called out to her and the dark haired girl came down the steps and crossed the lawn towards you. 

She embraced Frigga and pressed a kiss on Loki's mother's cheek. When Sif turned, her grey eyes rested on you for a moment, before she pulled you in a small hug to greet you.

"Do you live close by?" You had wondered about it, since she turned up randomly at odd hours of the day.

"My parents have a place near the village - I live there." Then she looked at Frigga. "But I practically live here too, the Odinson's are my second family, really."

Frigga beamed at her words.

"Why don't you two go for a walk while I will go and ask Eira to organise us some afternoon tea?'

Frigga suggested, packing up her gardening tools, and you were glad to be able to spend some time with Sif alone, to get to know her better. You strolled off down a path that led into the forest that was part of the property.

“So, you really think you saw a ghost?” Sif side-eyed you.

Sif's question about the ghost caught off guard. You had not mentioned the ghost story to anyone but Stephen and Loki, who had both been more than eager to go back upstairs with you looking for Thomas Sharpe last night.

While the two men where your friends and open minded, most people did not believe in anything out of their comfort zone, let alone ghosts, so you weren't sure what to say to Sif.

“I do. I'm pretty sure it was a ghost.”

“Wow. A lot of people here in England, especially in the countryside, believe in ghosts – but I've never seen one myself. So, what was it like?”

You hesitated before you spoke.

“Well, I walked up to the attic to find a quiet spot and ended up in a workshop of some kind. The lights were on, so I had a look around, and then this guy, Thomas, came along. I thought he was dressed up, because he was wearing old fashioned clothing. He figured that I was upset about something and, I guess, he tried to lighten my spirits by talking to me. We actually had a really nice conversation.”

“Are you kidding me? You mean, you had a chat with a ghost?” She chuckled.

“I know it sounds crazy.”

“Oh, it sounds rather exciting! What did he tell you?”

“I asked him about the house and the people who had lived there. Thinking about it now, the things he said were rather interesting.”

“So you spent quite a while up there?”

“Probably about ten minutes, before he excused himself and left.”

“He disappeared?”

“He used the door like a normal person, I thought he was going back to the party.”

“That's disappointing, I thought they walked through walls and stuff like that.”

“Well, he wasn't translucent or floating around either.”

“Could it have been one of the guests?”

“That's what Stephen thought as well, before we went back up there, with Loki.”

“Did you - did you see him again?”

“No. But I recognised him on a photo in the hallway. It was positively Thomas – the dark hair, the light eyes - he looked exactly like the man I'd seen. He was photographed together with a woman, and the photo had a small plaque saying ' _Thomas and Lucille Sharpe, November 1899_ '.”

“Jeepers.” She brushed a strand of hair out of her face. “Guess it's true then, they are still there.”

“They?”

"He and his sister. After she killed Thomas, apparently Thomas' wife killed her. There have been a lot of stories about the siblings still haunting the house.”

“Well, I'm glad I met only one of them.”

You walked in silence for a while.

Being out in the countryside was invigorating. You loved the beach and the ocean, but now that you walked through this lush green forest, you realised how much you had missed the green. The pure life-energy and peace that radiated from trees - and the air was so clean. Maybe you could come back here to visit once in a while.

“So, what's going on between you and Thor?” You looked over at Sif, who pressed her lips together in response to your question. 

“Not – much.”

“How come?”

She sighed.

“Well, he lives in the States, I live here. He likes his house on the beach, I like the green hills.”

“That's a lame excuse.” You threw in and Sif laughed softly.

“I know. The truth is that he does not want to commit. Never wanted to. He's not like Loki.”

_Not like Loki? What?!_

“Loki's not exactly a committer.”

“Oh, but he is. Once Loki puts his heart into something, he's one hundred percent committed. And loyal.”

_Well, he betrayed his first girlfriend - with you. Not what I would call loyal._

She put her hands in the pocket of her jeans and blew the long hair from her fringe out of her eyes.

“I probably shouldn't tell you this, but we – well, Loki was the first boy I slept with. I always wanted it to be Thor, but it ended up being his annoying little brother. Loki had a girlfriend at the time, and he felt terrible about sleeping with me. If I hadn't convinced him to keep it from her, he would have told Ange everything. His body may have betrayed her, but his heart never faltered.”

“Ange?"

"His girlfriend."

"Loki told me about you. But he said it happened twice.” 

“He's very honest with you, isn't he? I knew he's in love with you." Sif smiled smugly. "It happened again, because I seduced him when he was drunk. Thor had disappeared from the party with a blonde in his arms, and I was so pissed that I took it out on Loki. The poor boy avoided getting drunk around me after that.”

You chuckled imagining Loki trying to ward off Sif. _That was kind of comical, considering his reputation._

“I didn't realise it at the time, because I had no comparison, but, good god, Loki was a hell of a good lover.”

She burst out and then her cheeks reddened a little.

“I'm sorry, I guess that wasn't quite the appropriate thing to say to his girlfriend.”

You laughed softly.

“He is the devil. In person – not even in disguise.”

Both of you laughed.

“I'm sorry that it's not working out between the two of you. Thor and you, I mean. He seems very fond of you.”

Sif raised her gaze and stared into the distance, a soft smile lingering on her lips.

“He's an oaf, but I'm an idiot. I can't let him go. He calls me whenever he's here, so I obediently pad over to see him. But, really, I'm dreading the day he'll call and then turn up with his girlfriend – or worse – his wife.”

“Well, so far, I can assure you, he's not interested in anyone.”

“You two are pretty close, aren't you?”

“We're neighbours and Friday night movie buddies. He's like my older brother.”

“What is it like? His place, I mean?”

“You've never been to visit?”

She shook her head.

“Oh, you should come.”

“He hasn't invited me.”

“Then I am inviting you now, if you want to come that is. You can stay at my place, I'm practically his neighbour.”

“Do you think it would be ok?”

Her eyes searched yours. She seemed like a strong person, but you could tell how carefully she tried to hide her insecurity when it came to Thor. 

_Damn Son's of Odin. Why did they have to make life so difficult?_

“I have the feeling it would actually be good for Thor.”

Her gaze returned to the path ahead and she nodded.

“Thanks, I'll think about it.”

“What do you for a job out here?”

“I train horses.”

“You look pretty sporty and fit.”

She smirked.

“I also teach martial arts and yoga. My passion.”

“Wow, now that sounds interesting. What kind of martial arts?”

“Sword fighting.”

“That's - kind of sexy.”

You said admiringly and she sniggered softly.

“I take that as a compliment.”

“So you should.” You grinned.

After a moment of silence she cleared her throat.

“So, you and Loki – that's serious, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, he's in love with you. Has he asked you to marry him yet?”

Your jaw dropped. Surely she must be joking, but when you met her eyes, you knew she wasn't.

“It's – well, isn't it – uh – isn't it a little early for that?”

“Really? Why? The two of you seem so close.”

“We've only been together for two days. Well, counting today, it would be three.”

“Does that really matter? Doesn't it count how you feel when you're together?”

You frowned. 

You knew that you loved Loki. Wanted him. With all his flaws and kinks. He was sweet and soft, vulnerable and you wanted to protect him just as much as you wanted him to rule you. 

But  _marry_  him? 

You never really cared so much for getting married. Maybe you just weren't the marriage kind of type.

“I'm not – I don't really think it's that important to marry nowadays.”

“When it is a commitment made out of love, it's sacred. And beautiful. Apart from that, Loki would also see it as an insurance for you. Financially, I mean. He's very practical when it comes to people he cares for.”

“He - he doesn't – he wouldn't – he – do you really think that he has  _that_  on his mind?”

“Is it really that outrageous to you?"

"A little.  _Shocking_."

"It's Loki. When he's in love, he's serious. But, I don't mean to freak you out, I thought you may have talked about it, since he's practically hovering over you and guarding you like a hawk.”

_You did not really know what to say._

_Or think._

“Look, I'm really sorry, I didn't want to make you feel uneasy.”

You bit your lip.

“To be honest, we haven't even slept with each other.”

_Jesus, were you really discussing this with Sif?_

“What?”

“We haven't.” You huffed, a little annoyed.

“Maybe he's taking this a little too seriously.” She rolled her eyes. Then she chuckled. "Maybe he's into  _'no sex before the wedding night'_  nowadays."

“I'm  _not_  going to marry him, just so we can have sex." You huffed. "Although, I admit, if  _that's_  what it takes, I  _might_  consider it." You smirked.

Sif laughed.

“I think, he's just scared.”

“I figured that. But why would he be?”

She bent down to pick a long blade of grass and twirled it between her fingers. 

“Loki's been through a lot. The whole thing with his father – his real father – and what happened to his family back then, that really messed him up. Loki's never been the same ever since.”

“His  _family_?”

She looked at you, a hint of sheepishness on her face as she assessed your reaction.

“He hasn't spoken to you about it?”

“What - what do you mean with his  _family_? Like brothers and sisters?”

Sif shook her head, discarding the grass. 

“I'm sorry, but I really can't tell you - He will tell you. But, don't - don't push him. It wasn't easy for him. And still is not.”

_Loki had a family? What the hell did that mean?_

_Family as in siblings?_

_Impossible._

_Natasha had said he was an only child._

_And Odin and Frigga had adopted him when he was a baby._

_Which meant that – he had another family._

_His own family._

Sif sighed.

“I can see that you have a lot of questions now, but I can only ask you to give him time.”

”Is this what he doesn't want to talk about? He keeps telling me he wants me to know about his past, but then he just doesn't talk to me."

“He's learnt to withdraw. The way he acts around you, I haven't seen him like that in years. It looks like you're bringing him back. The Loki I used to know, I mean. So, just give him time.”

 

***

 

When you entered his rooms after you had tea with Frigga and Sif, you found them empty. You had excused yourself, your mind still revolving around Sif's words.

You stepped into Loki's living room and took your time to look at the things - the pictures on the walls, the small trinkets that sat on the bookshelves.

There were trophies from science contests as well as several medals and trophies that stated your Loki as a national champion in knife throwing - he would have been in his late teens judging by the date.

There was a photo of Frigga. One of Thor, Hela and him. One of Odin with Frigga. Another of Frigga and Hela.

Nothing betrayed that Loki had his own family. 

_Could it really be? That Loki had a wife? A child?_

_And where were they? What had happened to them?_

You pushed the door to the meditation room open and settled on the cushion, facing out over the tree tops and watching the leaves sway gently in the breeze.

_Did it matter?_

You allowed your gaze to roam upwards into the clear sky and tried to still your mind. 

There was so much you did not know about him.

_Did it matter?_

_But what if ..._

_If he had a wife and a child and he had lost the right to be with them?_

_If he had threatened them while he was on drugs, or alcohol?_

_Or worse._

_What if he hurt had hurt her? Hurt them?_

_Was that why he was so afraid? Afraid that he would hurt you too?_

_Stop it!_

_You're making things up._

Whatever happened in the past, it did not matter to you. 

But it mattered to him. 

Slowly your head cleared as you focused on your breath.

You were going to find out soon. He had promised you. 

Soon.

When you rose to leave, you stopped at Loki's shrine. Everything was kept so clean. The water in the bowl was fresh and fresh flowers floated on its surface. You could feel the reverence Loki held in his heart for this god, and it made you drop to your knees and gingerly touch the items on the table. 

"I love him, Loki, please, help me with this." You whispered.

Your gaze fell on the bowl of water. Three jasmine blossoms floated on the still surface.

_The flowers represent those who I miss. They are a prayer to the Goddess for them to be safe, wherever they are._

His family.

The thought rippled through your calm mind. 

The flowers represented his family.

You were startled by the noise of the door opening. 

"Here you are." Loki's velvet voice broke the silence.

You looked up at him, trying not to betray any of your thoughts to him. He always noticed when something occupied your mind, and you did not want to push him.

"What are you doing?" He asked softly when you did not say anything.

You smiled as you rose. 

"Talking to your god, I guess."

Loki's arms came around you, his hands gently roaming over your back as he pulled you into his embrace.

"Better not ask him for favours." He kissed the top of your head.

"Why not?"

"He has a tendency to destroy our illusions." He chuckled softly. "And I would not want him to destroy  _yours,_ since you are still deluded by your innocence into thinking that I am a good person, when I am not."

You leaned into him, rubbing his back. Feeling the taut muscle underneath the cotton of his shirt. Such a strong, lean body. And yet, he was apparently very sick. 

Nothing about Loki was as it seemed on the surface. He was full of contradictions. 

"I love that about you. That you're not what you seem."

He pulled away slightly, his fingers sliding along your jaw before he tilted your head up to look at him. The blue rim around his irises had almost disappeared, leaving his eyes black, yet it was not lust that laced his gaze, but was something soft and deep.

Something that gave you a feeling of belonging. 

"Maybe I was wrong." He whispered.

"About what?"

"About you." He leaned down to touch his lips to yours, tenderly moving them against yours in a chaste kiss. 

"What about me?" You breathed against his lips.

"Maybe, you - maybe, you are able to pick up those broken pieces and put them back together."

 

  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... hmm... fluffy Loki's a treat :)


	36. In league with the devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor 🙈 - has a very naughty streak - quite likely because he has spent most of his life with his little brother!! hehehe
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warning: mention of rape
> 
> For all those quote seekers amongst you - there is a quote hidden in here, albeit not from a movie Loki appeared in (if you need a hint - Hall H)

"You invited Sif to New York?"

You turned to look at Thor, who had appeared in the kitchen, where Loki and you were currently making snacks. Well, you were watching Loki preparing a snack for himself and had pulled up a stool to sit on the other side of the counter he was working on, occasionally snatching a piece of cheese or a slice of tomato.

You had to admit that ever since he had kindled your imagination concerning knives, you found watching him handling a knife rather thrilling and judging by the smug smile that lingered on his lips while he was slicing tomatoes, you could tell that he knew exactly what was going on in your mind.

But it was not only the thrill of impending danger that made watching Loki in the kitchen compellingly irresistible. You loved the domestic version of your dark god. The one with the tea towel slung over his shoulder and the focus that bordered on devotion that he had when he prepared food. You admired the delicate awareness that lay in every touch of his. And you wondered how it had never come to your attention before that he seemed so conscious about everything he did. 

Thor came to halt right next to you and you attempted to look innocent as you glanced up at the blonde surf god. 

"I like Sif, that's why I invited her. I thought you liked her too?"

Ok, you were failing miserably to hide the smug smile on your lips as you said the words.

"Are you attempting to meddle with my life?" Thor growled.

"Nah, would never dare to meddle with your life." You patted his muscular chest, then you offered him your most artless smile. "Especially since you've  _never_ meddled with mine before."

The blonde god put his hands on his hips and glared at you.

The trouble was that even when he glared, he still looked like your Friday night movie buddy - and reminded you of a big teddy bear, which made him even less threatening.

"Apart from that, I'm not meddling with your _life_ \- I'm meddling with your _love-_ life."

Apparently that was enough to set him off. Before you had time to react, he launched forward and grabbed you, his humongous arms wrapping around you, fingers digging into your sides to tickle you mercilessly and you squealed loudly, which caught Loki's attention.

"Thor! Hands off my girl!" 

Thor merely laughed. 

"Possessive, are we, little brother? Are you forgetting that I've had my hands on her long before you did?"

He teased him and out of the corner of your eye you saw Loki freeze.

_Uh-oh._

There was a swoosh, a thump and the ringing of metal.

When you looked up you found the knife Loki had been holding, stuck in the wooden window frame about three inches from Thor's head.

"Shit! Loki! What the hell!?"

Your eyes were wide when you turned to your dark god, who stood at the kitchen counter, a very boyish, mischievous smile gracing his features.

When Thor let you go he was chuckling, much to your surprise.

"Don't worry, he knows what he's doing. Loki's been throwing kitchen knives since he was seven." Then he turned to Loki. "You know that Mum's not overly fond of you ruining the wood around the house."

"Then keep your hands off what is mine." 

Loki replied smoothly, holding out his hand and Thor pulled the knife out of the window frame and handed it back to him.

_Keep your hands off what is mine._

You felt a surge of heat pool in all the right places. And you had to admit that Loki's possessiveness was rather flattering and you started to develop an odd fondness for it. If it was possible at all, he had just become a notch more attractive than he already was.

Thor pulled up a stool and settled down next to you, leaning his elbows on the kitchen counter. 

"So, what is this between you and Sif?"

You asked and noticed Loki raise and eyebrow as he eyed you and Thor, before he went back to cutting a piece of cucumber into fine strips. 

"It's - it never worked out."

Thor reached over you to steal a slice of cheese and Loki rapped his brother's knuckles with the flat side of the knife. Thor chuckled and popped the cheese into his mouth.

"It never worked out? But you like her."

"He _fucks_ her." Loki deadpanned.

"Loki!!" Both Thor and you blurted out which made Loki pull off his  _I'm-completely-innocent-frown_  - one eyebrow raised slightly while his forehead wrinkled a little and his blue eyes looked entirely unsuspecting. He shrugged. "What? I am merely telling the truth."

Thor glanced at you with a frown.

"It's complicated."

"That's what I've been telling myself about your little brother too. Repeated it like a mantra, now look where it got me."

Loki grinned and took a bite from the sandwich he had put together.

Thor sighed.

"Thor, I can see the way you look at her. And you're my beach buddy. I care for you. I want you to be happy."

"I _am_ happy."

"But you're lonely."

"I don't mind being by myself."

"Hm. Fine." you relented. "I actually don't mind not having to share you with anyone else on Friday nights."

You leaned your head against his shoulder and he ruffled your hair.

"I know you mean well." Thor hummed and you placed a hand on his arm.

"Judging by the way Loki is glaring at me right now, I guess we'll have a chaperon on Fridays from now on."

You laughed softly.

"As long as he doesn't eat all the salted caramel ice cream and lets me cuddle you like I usually do, I don't mind."

You grinned as Loki's eyes narrowed and he stopped chewing the bite he had just taken from his sandwich. 

"Just kidding, Mischief." You winked at him. "Thor and I don't _usually_ cuddle."

Loki huffed and continued chewing, while watching Thor and you with narrowed eyes. It was positively cute that he was actually still jealous of Thor and you would have loved to lean over the counter and kiss him right now. 

"I'm going to come to the airport with you tomorrow morning to fly back to the States." Thor said. "Text me when you're back home, that is, if my little brother allows you back into my neighbourhood."

Loki rolled his eyes.

"I actually consider collaring her, so that everyone knows who she belongs to - including _you_ , brother." Loki threw in before taking another bite.

 _Shoosh!!_  

You felt your cheeks flush and stared at Loki in disbelief. Your god's mouth twitched into a devious smile that said, _"you shouldn't have challenged me, darling."_

Thor merely chuckled and shook his head. 

"Why not permanently chain her to your bed in the penthouse in Manhattan?" Your jaw dropped at Thor's words.

"You're giving me ideas, brother."

_Ok, so that's what happened when they were ganging up on somebody._

Thor leaned back, leisurely crossing his arms behind his head.

"Only if I can come over on Friday's, of course, for some - _entertainment_."

_What the --?!!_

"Hm. If she's inclined for you to come and watch, I'll think about it, Thor." Loki purred.

Your blush deepened. 

"Ok, you guys. Stop that!"

Both of them looked at you - innocence written all over their faces.

"We were merely talking about movies and ice cream, darling." Loki said with feigned shock and Thor laughed. 

"Gees. You two are horrible." You glared at them.

"I know, we're horrible when we actually get along." Thor said and stood, then he leaned forward and said. "And we both have a shockingly indecent imagination, so if you ever do feel inclined for me to _join_ you and Loki, let me know."

He winked and casually sauntered out of the kitchen, leaving you with a hot, bright red face and Loki biting his tongue in an attempt to contain his laughter. 

You narrowed your eyes at him. And bit your lip. Unpleasantly aware and a little shocked that Thor's suggestion had actually stirred an aching need between your thighs and you pressed them together in an attempt to will away those feelings. 

_Good god._

Your reaction thoroughly confused you.

When your eyes met Loki's, his gaze had changed from innocent boyish mischief to lurking predator.

_Damn it, he knew._

He basically devoured you with his eyes as he put his sandwich down and stalked around the kitchen counter. You felt like a deer in the headlights, when he stopped beside you, his hot breath cascading down your neck, as he leaned in. 

"Minx."

Was all he needed to say to make your breath hitch and your body flood with heated anticipation. Loki breathed hard against your skin. One of his hands slid between your thighs to cup your womanhood, making you gasp in surprise.

_Holymothermary. You were in his mother's kitchen and he had a hand firmly tucked between your thighs._

"I cannot believe that my brother's suggestion actually turned you on, little kitten. Maybe I have every right to be jealous."

"Nonono - please, Loki. I'm _not_ \- into Thor."

He moved behind you, pressing his hand against your core which let you instinctively move your hips to meet his palm, while you leaned back against his chest and closed your eyes.

"I am aware." He breathed against your skin. "But it seems that your imagination is very lewd, my love, and I must say I am rather fond of that."

"I don't know why I even feel -" You broke off as he rubbed his fingers against you and planted gentle kisses on your neck. 

"I am afraid I have tainted your sweet and innocent mind by pulling you into my debauched little world."

"You -  you really are the devil." 

Loki chuckled against your skin, then he retracted his hand from between your legs and brought both arms around you.

"Hm. And you - are _mine_." He whispered against your skin. "My very own lewd, little minx. But I fear that I am not prepared to share you - not even with my brother." 

 

***

 

It was an uneventful and harmonious family dinner, during which you blushed a couple of times when Thor winked at you. At some stage, he must have realised how disconcerted you felt, because for the rest of the dinner, he made an effort to make you laugh and ease you back into relaxing around him.

After dinner you went up to your room to pack and a few minutes later, there was a knock on the door, which you had left open. You expected Loki, but when you turned you were surprised to see Thor leaning in the door frame.

"Hi." You offered awkwardly.

"I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable."

You could not keep your cheeks from glowing again.

"It's - it's -"

Well, you were not even sure what to say.

Thor smiled amicably and his voice held the usual warmth and comfort when he spoke.

"I want you to feel good around me. Relaxed and  _Safe_."

You nodded.

"Even when I say stupid things, ok?"

You nodded again.

"My brother is very lucky to have you in his bed and I'm very lucky to have you as my _friend_. I value that. That's - that's what I want you to know." He paused and looked at you. "Are we still friends?"

You bit your lip and nodded.

Thor opened his arms and you hugged him, hesitantly at first, before you relaxed into his arms.

It felt good. Like a good-old, comforting Thor hug. No strings attached.  

"I admit that it is rather flattering that you found my suggestion _attractive_."

_Ok, that remark made you flush again._

"But I doubt Loki would ever share you. Never without your consent anyways."

You blushed even deeper.

"Just _shut_ _up_ , Thor."

He chuckled and gave you a good squeeze before he let you go and when you looked up at him, he smiled.

"You were right about Sif and I. I'm an oaf. The thing is, Loki is much braver when it comes to committing to a relationship than I am. _Much_ braver."

Then he drew you back into his arms and pressed his lips on the top of your head.

"See you tomorrow, little sister. And I look forward to our beach time when you're back home. Good night."

"Good night, Thor."

As soon as Thor had left, Loki appeared in the door.

"Did the big oaf just kiss the top of your head?" Loki pulled a face and you rolled your eyes at him.

"He came to apologise."

"For his rather indecent proposal?" Loki made himself comfortable on your bed, watching you zipping up your bag.

"Well, I'm glad he knows you won't share me."

"Not at the moment, no, but I am a firm believer in staying open-minded." 

"You are a menace."

You grabbed the next best thing and threw it at him. Loki caught it in one hand, then shot you an incredulous glance.

"Really? You are avenging an inappropriate insinuation by throwing lace panties? What am I supposed to make of that?"

You watched as he ran his fingers over the lace before he brought it to his nose, inhaling deeply.

"That is just giving me an abundance of unchaste ideas, kitten."

You glanced at him, then you went to close the door, leaning against it for a moment to admire his lean figure that was stretched out on top of the cream coloured sheets.

Loki's ocean eyes were watching you intently, when you climbed onto the bed to lie down on your side, facing him, and he reached out to catch a stray strand of hair and wrapped it around his finger.

“That boy, Clint, the one you were going to marry - was he your first lover?”

_Of all the things you had expected him to ask, this hadn't been one of them._

You shook your head.

“Clint was nice, but I wasn't in love with him. I - I wanted to save myself for the right person.”

“That would have been an artist then - another hopeless romantic, like you.”

“Do you really want to know?”

“M-hm.” He purred, his eyes studying your face. “Tell me, who was the first man in your life?”

“The first man was Adam.” You replied smugly.

“Careful, pet.” He leaned forward and playfully bit your shoulder.

You chuckled.

“But it's true. _My_ first man's name was Adam. And you're right, he was an artist."

"A painter? Like you?"

"A musician. I spent a few weeks at my cousin's in Detroit. I met him at a party and I guess I fell for his dark looks and his soft heart. He actually had a girlfriend - a long-distance relationship and he had not seen her in a while. We spent the whole night on the porch swing talking. He needed someone to lean on. To shelter him - and I - well, he seemed so completely lost in this world - I - I fell in love with him. It only lasted for the time I stayed, but it was a time that holds fond memories.”

“He had a girlfriend? That's shockingly indecent of you.”

“They had an open relationship. But anyway, I'm afraid, I'm not as innocent as you would like me to be.”

You dropped your gaze to his chest, and felt his fingers on your chin, tilting your head up to face him.

“I think you are. More so even. I am merely surprised about the amount of lovers you have had.”

“The _amount_ of lovers?”

“Stephen mentioned this Pine guy, and Peter. You told me about that terrible one-night stand two years ago. And - Adam. That makes four."

“Peter and I met in Australia. He charmed me because he lived like a nomad. He was so free - travelling the world, finding jobs and helping out where ever he was needed. I joined him for a while, but it didn't work out. We broke up before we arrived in Nepal. I moved in with Stephen, so that I could live my own life again, and then I met Jonathan. He was good for me, but he wasn't ready for a relationship, and by then, I knew I needed more stability. Needed to find a place to settle. So I decided to go back to the States. I already had friends in New York, and then Stephen gave me a few contacts too, so that's how I ended up there.”

"Where there any others?"

"There were." You averted your eyes. 

"Did any of them ever hurt you? I mean, physically?"

Your eyes focused on his chest, your fingers absentmindedly playing with one of the buttons of his shirt. 

"Why - why would you ask that?"

"Is it not a valid question?"

You chewed on your lip before you shook your head.

"Nobody ever hit me."

"That does not answer the question, love."

_Love. You had noticed every single time he had said it today._

"He - he forced me to sleep with him."

"Who?"

You shook your head.

"I don't want to think about it."

_You didn't._

Loki hummed, and you felt his thumb brushing your cheek before he tenderly ran his fingers over your hair and the words just tumbled from your lips.

"It was - It was my fault. I trusted him, but he was drunk and I - so when he - I asked him to stop - but he held me down - he was so strong, and I didn't know what to do. So, I just let him have his way with me."

Loki moved, cocking his head so that he could catch your gaze but you avoided it, and he placed his fingers on your chin again, gently forcing you to look at him. There was a dark fire burning in Loki's eyes that made your skin crawl, even though his voice was calm. 

"He raped you?"

You shook your head.

"No, it wasn't - he was my boyfriend at the time. He was just drunk."

Loki closed his eyes for a moment, when he opened them again, they were soft and filled with pain.

"Don't. Don't make excuses for a man who violated you."

You blinked at him. 

You had never told anyone about it. Kept it to yourself for all these years, because you had felt oddly guilty all this time. The whole situation had been so bizarre and you were sure that you had turned him on somehow. That it had been entirely your fault.

But you never forgot it. How powerless you felt. How confusing it was to be taken against your will by someone you trusted. 

And you had felt so horribly empty afterwards. 

"He didn't hurt me. He - he just forced me, but he didn't ..."

Loki scoffed and shook his head.

" _Just_  forced you?"

He cupped your face with both hands, his eyes boring into you.

"Listen to yourself, kitten. He _forced_ you. Nobody should ever touch you without your consent. Nobody. Not even a boyfriend. Do you understand?"

You felt tears springing to your eyes.

Not tears of pain or fear or shame. But tears of relief. 

"It wasn't your fault. Do you hear me?"

You nodded. 

And then you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled yourself towards him, burying your face in Loki's shoulder, silently allowing the tears to flow. It felt as though a heavy weight lifted off you. The weight of your guilt. Your confusion. 

You felt Loki's cheek press against the side of your head and his lips touching your hair. 

"Nobody should ever touch you without consent. Not even I. If I should ever do so, if I should ever make you feel that way, I want you to leave me. Immediately." 

You knew he meant it and it was the most beautiful thing he could have said in this moment. 

Loki held you, whispering sweet things into your ear as you sobbed softly against his shoulder, until you felt that all the heaviness had drained away. You rested against his warm body for a little longer, before you drew back, placing your head on the pillow a coupled of inches from his face. Your teary eyes found his clear ocean ones and he gingerly cupped the side of your face, running his thumb over your cheek.

"Nevertheless, you are a little hypocrite, my love."

"Why?"

"While you had quite a few lovers, you let me belief that you were a boring relationship kind of a girl.”

You sniffled, then crunched up your nose.

“As far as I remember, it was y _ou_  who told me that I was pathetic, because I was the "fall in love kind of a girl". Which I still  _am_. I just never fell for the right guy, it seems.”

He pressed a kiss on your forehead before he stretched out beside you and kept playing with your hair.

"Hm. How can you tell?"

"How can I tell what?"

"When you fall for the right guy."

"To be honest, I don't know, but it is the first time that I am equally excited about and terrified of the relationship I'm in - so maybe - that is a good sign?"

Loki chuckled softly.

"Look how far you've fallen."

The skin around his eyes crinkled a little when he smiled.

"Well, don't tell me that I have not warned you - once you commit to this, I will not let you go."

You cocked an eyebrow.

"I never thought of you being someone who values commitment, and yet here you are. So much more committed than I would like you to be."

"Hm." He chuckled softly as he propped himself up on his elbow to catch your gaze. "I promise that I _will_ ravish you _before_ our wedding night."

You ran your finger down his throat.

"I will take you up on that promise."

You started to unbutton his shirt, letting the back of your hand brush over the smooth skin of his pectorals. You traced the pink scar that ran along his sternum and wondered if he would ever tell you where he got it from.

“Open heart surgery.” Loki's voice was soft. “I was eighteen. Had a bacterial infection of my heart valves. They had to clean it out. Rather tedious procedure. That's when I met Stephen for the first time.”

The tone of his voice was casual as he spoke, but you could tell that it had been anything but a casual experience.

“Loki ...”

“I do not need or want your pity, kitten.” The gaze of his glacier eyes was as soft as his voice as it rested on you.

You placed your hand on his shoulder and pushed him over onto his back before you straddled him.

“It's not _pity_ I feel for you. If anything, it would be compassion." You leaned down to lock eyes with his. "But mostly, I'm inspired by your courage and willingness to _live_  in spite of all the adversities you had to face.”

He reached up to brush his fingers over your cheek, a smirk growing on his face.

"I rather like seeing you on top of me."

The purr in his voice invited a familiar warmth to spread in your loins. When you instinctively pressed your hips against him, you felt him grow hard under you.

Spurred on by his arousal and a moment of boldness, you closed your fingers around the wrist of his hand and pulled it away from your face to pin it to the mattress next to Loki's head.

The corners of his mouth twitched.

“My pet likes to be in charge, it seems.”

You bent down to catch his lower lip between your teeth, while you moved your hips, grinding them against his hardness.

“And my god is rather pleased by this, it seems.”

Loki smiled at your mocking tone, and threaded his free hand into your hair bringing you down towards his face to kiss you. The touch of his tongue instantly stirred your fire.

You tried to break the kiss, but Loki held you firmly, not allowing you to pull away. His insistent tongue mercilessly invading your mouth until your hips moved against him in a steady rhythm and you were moaning into the kiss with desperate need.

When he released your lips, you seized the opportunity to grab his free hand and pin it against the mattress too. Leaning your weight forward so that he couldn't move. 

Considering how strong he was, he could have flipped you onto your back in an instant. He clearly indulged you in the illusion that you were the one in charge.

And you had every right to take full advantage of this.

“Close your eyes.” You ordered breathlessly and Loki cocked an eyebrow.

“What are you planning on doing, little kitten?”

He purred and a predatory smile curled the corners of his mouth upwards.

“I said. Close. Your. Eyes.” You repeated and he chuckled softly, but obeyed. 

And you slipped your hand under your pillow to retrieve Natasha's gift.

 

****

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oopsie ... Looks like the next chappie is another juicy one...
> 
>  
> 
> Hmm.. I had to bring Adam into this since I already accommodated Thomas and Jonathan. :)


	37. Hallelujah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Usually Loki is the one who makes the reader beg.... but who said, he doesn't enjoy it the other way around? ...
> 
>  

_When you hold me, I finally see_  
_When you say love, I know what it means_  
_I was broke down so alone in the dark_  
_Until you showed me the light (baby)_  
_'Cause when you kiss me, I know who I am_

 _And when you let me feel it I understand_  
_When I'm lost I just look in your eyes_  
_You show me the meaning of life_

_~Kelly Clarkson, meaning of life_

“Close your eyes.” You ordered breathlessly and Loki cocked an eyebrow.

“What are you planning on doing, little kitten?”

He purred and a predatory smile curled the corners of his mouth upwards.

“I said. Close. Your. Eyes.” You repeated and he chuckled softly, but obeyed. 

And you slipped your hand under your pillow to retrieve Natasha's gift before you lowered your head to brush your lips over the soft skin of Loki's neck. He mewled softly which made you smile.

As your lips traveled further down to his chest, you let go of Loki's wrists. He did not bring his arms down to touch you, but hooked his fingers into the rod iron decorations on the headpiece of the bed instead as if to keep his hands from distracting you.

You allowed your hands to roam over his chest, down his sides and underneath his back, tugging his shirt up to his shoulders. This was your chance of exploring him - while he was still so compliant - and you wanted him naked.

Loki willingly lifted his torso to assist you in pulling the shirt over his arms and off him, before he sank back onto the pillow, his hands returning to the position above his head.

his eyes were still closed, but a tiny smile lingered on his parted lips.

_God, he was beautiful._

You touched your lips to his closed eyes, his cheek, his neck, ran your nose along his chest, inhaling his scent. Your hands traveled from his chest up, the length of his muscular arms, fingers closing around his wrists. Then you pushed yourself upright and wrapped one of the leather cuffs around Loki's left wrist, pulling it tight. 

Loki's eyes snapped open.

Something akin to feral savageness burned in his gaze when you met it and for a moment you were worried that he was  _not_  going to like this. Loki was all about control. 

He was not going to  _allow_  this.

Your lips parted slightly before you bit on them, which made Loki's gaze shift to your mouth and lick his lips.

“Take off your pants and top before you go any further, pet.”

His tone held authority and you were more than happy to comply to his command when his eyes studied you with dark intent as you unbuttoned your blouse.

He sucked in his breath when you slipped the cotton shirt off your shoulders to reveal a forest green lace bodice he had chosen for you in a lingerie shop in Paris. His hungry gaze grazed over your body, eagerly taking in every small detail, before his ocean eyes returned to your face.

"The pants. Take them off, I want to see everything."

He requested without breaking the gaze.

You stepped off the bed and slipped out of your pants, uncovering the suspenders on the lower part of the bodice that held up your black silk stockings, and revealing the forest green piece of lace that barely covered you and could hardly be called a panty or a brief. 

A low growl escaped Loki's throat as you returned to the bed to straddle him again.

“Have you been wearing this all day?”

You smiled and shook your head.

"I changed into it, just before dinner in the hope of seducing you later on."

"Thank the gods, I would have never forgiven myself."

You raised an eyebrow in question.

"I would have never forgiven myself for not thoroughly ravishing you while we were out on horseback. And in the forest. Then, down by the lake. And then again before lunch, on the couch in my room. And afterwards in the kitchen. And then again before -"

You clamped your hand over his mouth and he chuckled.

"You are insufferable, Loki."

When you took your hand away he glanced up at you.

"And you are compellingly irresistible, kitten."

When you leaned forward to thread the chain that held the cuffs together through the rod iron decorations, Loki pushed himself up to nip at your lace covered breasts. You lowered your body, so that the lace brushed the tip of his nose. Loki moaned and willingly offered you his other wrist as he pressed his open mouth against your breast, teasing your nipple through the lace with his teeth just as you pulled the strap around his wrist tight.

So tight it made him hiss.

“Sorry.” You whispered.

“Don't be. You are doing  _perfect_  so far, sweet girl.”

You slid back down to straddle his chest and let your gaze travel over the muscular lean arms that were now bound above his head. The intensity of his eyes that never seemed to loose its fire was burning right through you now, eliciting a flutter in your stomach and sending heat through your entire body.

There was also a new feeling. An unfamiliar arousal that rose inside you as you regarded him.

He was intense and beautiful and - entirely at your mercy.

It filled you with a sense of power.

It made you want him. 

It made you want to _please_ him.

You realised that, while he was at your mercy, he was also fully control. Because right now, all your focus narrowed to only one thing. Giving him pleasure. 

Your power was merely an illusion, because you were his perfect slave.

You could see why he liked this.

He derived pleasure from your pleasure. He made you entirely his by becoming the source of your pleasure. 

The blue of his eyes had almost vanished, his pupils now full blown dark as you leaned down to touch his lips with yours.

“Make me yours, my little minx.” Loki whispered as if he had read your thoughts. "I want to be yours."

A wave of arousal surged through you at his words. You traced his upper lip with your tongue and he responded by parting his lips in an attempt to catch it. So, you let your tongue slide into his mouth, in search for his, luring it between your lips before you sucked it into your mouth.

Loki groaned, his hips bucking up against your backside.

Lips brushing his, the tip of your noses touching, you ran your hands up and down his arms, and he briefly closed his eyes and shuddered.

Your tongue flicked out to lick his lips, but when he opened his mouth you pulled away.

He smiled. Letting his head sink back onto the pillow.

You borught your lips to his again, but when he tried to catch them with his own you pulled away.

Loki's gaze darkened.

_Hm. Yes, you enjoyed this._

Being able to inflict all kinds of pleasure on him and seeing him writhe under your touch, listening to the noises he made and knowing you where the source of his pleasure, aroused you in a way you had not experienced before.

Sliding your hands down his arms to his chest, you pressed your lips to his neck, licking and nibbling your way down his body. Much to your satisfaction, your dark god groaned and writhed underneath you.

You sank your teeth in the muscles on the side of his abdomen and delivered small bites along the hem of his slacks, making Loki curse in pleasure.

One hand came to a rest on his hip bone, while the other cupped his hardness through the fabric, pressing your palm against it, before you moved it up and down in gentle, almost tender strokes. You watched him. His eyes were closed, lips parted and his chest was heaving.

He bit his lip when you teased your finger along the hem of his slacks, and groaned words of approval when you finally undid them and pushed them down his thighs, climbing off the bed to get rid of them completely and discard them on the floor.

His eyes were on you as you kissed your way up his legs, you felt him shiver when your lips touched the inside of his thighs, carefully avoiding the one place that so blatantly demanded your attention.

“Hell, woman. Are you trying to kill me?” He moaned.

“Hm. Maybe not, I enjoy this way too much.” 

Loki smirked, but a moment later he gasped softly as you continued kissing along his hipbone. He moaned, tugging on his restraints and moving his hips in an attempt to bring you where he needed you most.

Instead of giving him what he wanted, you sat back on your heels, straddling his thighs, taking your time to unhook the stockings from your bodice and to slowly open the small claps that held it together in the front. 

 _Practical that it opens in the front._  You thought and shot him a glance.

 _Devil._ _He_ had chosen this for you.

You unhooked the last clasp and Loki's breath hitched when you slipped the lace off your shoulders and cast it aside.

His gasp made you smile and the way his gaze turned lecherous as he looked up at you, flooded you with warmth. It was satisfying to know he admired the _gift_ more than the wrapping.

You pushed yourself up on your knees and leaned forward, sliding your hands up his torso and threading your fingers in his hair as you brushed your lips over his. Pushing you bare breasts against his chest, but keeping your hips high enough to avoid touching his mid section.

Loki moaned into the kiss.

“Touch me, baby.”

You teased your lips over his, tightened your fingers in his hair and pulled his head back to make him look at you. 

“I don't think my god is in a position to make demands.” You chided.

Loki closed his eyes and groaned loudly, both in pleasure and frustration.

"Please."

"Please, what?"

"Please, touch me."

You purred and nibbled along his jaw line.

_Good god, he tasted good._

_No. He tasted delicious._

You moved up to bring your face right above his, never loosing his gaze as you slipped one hand down his body, bringing your fingers around his base, resting them there for a moment before you closed them around the velvet skin and moved them upwards.

He looked beautiful with his parted lips and lidded eyes, his fingers wrapped around the chain connecting the leather cuffs, knuckles white from gripping onto it.

“How does my god want me to worship him?”

You whispered against his lips and you felt him twitch in your hand. 

_Yes, you really, really enjoyed this._

“I am waiting my dark god. Tell me, how shall I worship you, my _lord_?”

You smirked as he cursed under his breath and briefly closed his eyes to collect himself, before they snapped open and he locked his gaze with yours.

“Little witch.”

You squeezed his hardness and he bucked into your hand. 

"Is this what you want? Do you want me to use my hand?"

He shook his head.

“I want you to use your mouth, pet.”

 _Ah, yes, this voice._ The authority that was now laced with desperate need.

A shiver of anticipation ran through you.

“Aren't you forgetting the magic word?” Loki groaned.

You surprised yourself at how much you enjoyed teasing him. But then, you have had the best teacher.

“Please. Please, be a good little pet and use your mouth.”

You smiled. _Still so cheeky._

“And where do you want me to use my mouth, my _lord?_ ”

You dipped your tongue into his mouth and squeezed his length at the same time. He almost bit you.

" _Here_?"

“Kitten.” Loki hissed. It only spurred you on.

“Or _here_?”

You licked all the way up from his collarbone, over the column of his throat and chin to his lips.

His breathing was coming faster now.

You nuzzled against his face then brought your lips to the shell of his ear.

“Or _Here_?” Your teeth nibbled on his ear loab.

“Bloody hell, woman, you better be careful or I can't - hold back.”

He winced as you stroked him slowly.

“I know you _can_ hold back. You wouldn't want to disappoint your pet, would you?”

You whispered against his lips.

“Would you, my lord?”

“No.” he closed his eyes for a moment, when he opened them he glared at you with a gaze that sent shivers of excitement down yours spine. “You better please your god like a good pet should, or you will have to face punishment for this, little minx.”

_Hmm. That sounded way too good coming from your dark god._

Loki jerked under you as you stroked his length a couple of times, before you lifted your body off him and moved down to kneel between his legs.

He was panting. Delicious.

Your fingers traveled down his length to cup and caress his soft balls, while you lowered yourself and touched the tip of your tongue to the underside of his head. He twitched and you caught him, wrapping your fingers firmly around his hardness to keep him still so that you could nibble your way along his entire length, from the base to the head. Delivering small bites, hard enough to make him hiss and buck into your hand.

You had never thought you would _ever_ enjoy this, but Loki was beautiful. Perfectly shaped, the right girth and length. Velvet skin, like silk, and a fresh, slightly salty taste and his smell was - utterly dizzying.

Talk about pheromones.

If you hadn't fallen in love with him already, you would fall for this piece of perfection between his legs.

“Is this the kind of worship you desire, my lord?”

Seeing the effect your words had on him as his jaw dropped open and his eyes closed, sent a trickle of excitement between your legs.

You closed your lips over his head, using your tongue to massage its underside, before you took him a little deeper. His head fell back and you let him glide out of your mouth.

Loki cursed.

You smiled.

"You haven't answered me, is this what you desire?"

“Yes! I want you to worship me with that dirty little tongue of yours. I want you to make me come inside your mouth and drink all I have to give you. And you better be as good as your teasing otherwise this will have dire consequences for you, my sweet little pet.”

The last words were clearly delivered as a threat, with his voice dropping a notch and him pronouncing every single word. It made your skin crawl with dark excitement.

You took him deep this time and he growled as you let your tongue flutter along the underside of his length and wrapped your fingers more firmly around his base. You sucked him gently, swirling your tongue around his head, loosing yourself in his taste, his moans, his movements. Your mind shut off as you indulged yourself in giving him pleasure. 

For a while you played with him, trying to find his sensitive spots, figure out how he reacted to you using your tongue or nibbling on him with your teeth. He was incredibly responsive and expressive. Apart from the noises you tore from his lips, even the slightest movement of his body betrayed so much about him. 

You took him deeper, sucking him harder, forcing mewls and whimpers from his lips.

Then you let him slip out of your mouth.

“Noooonnnono. Don't _stop_.”

Loki groaned in frustration.

Keeping you hand around him, stroking him infuriatingly slow, you lifted your head to look at him.

“Making demands, my impertinent god?”

“What are you doing, my girl? Are you trying to make me so desperate that the only desire left in my mind will be to fuck you like a mindless beast? Because this is what I would do, if you let me off these chains right now."

“Hm. You're giving me ideas.” You purred.

Loki's mouth twitched. “It seems I created a monster.” He groaned and let his head fall back as the warm cavern of your mouth closed around him again.

_Hell, yes. He surely had. And you thoroughly enjoyed it._

A frustrated growl escaped his throat a moment later when you let him slip out of your mouth.

"I could lift up my hips to let you sheath yourself inside my warmth." You suggested as you stroked him, picking up the pace slightly. "I would make you moan my name over and over as you come inside me.”

“You - wouldn't – dare -” His breathing was laboured as he spoke.

“I wouldn't challenge me, if I were in your position, my beautiful god.”

“I'm so close. Please, kitten. Please, let me come.”

You gripped his shaft tighter, stroking him, while at the same time taking him as deep into your mouth as you could.

With a low growl he arched up into your mouth, your name leaving his lips like a desperate prayer, and you felt him twitch as his warm seed spilled into your throat. You held him there until his movements slowed, caressing him with your tongue as he came down.

His eyes were closed and his lips parted. Strands of dark hair stuck to his sweaty forehead. His chest was heaving.

_Dear Lord, he was just so beautiful._

Loki whispered your name and you carefully let him glide out of your mouth, placing a gentle kiss on his length before you moved up to his face.

“Please, untie me. I need to touch you. Please. Let me touch you.”

His voice was soft, fragile almost.

As soon as he was freed, Loki pulled you into his arms, covering your face with kisses like a starving man and digging his fingers in your hair before he buried his own face in the crook of your neck. One of his legs draped over you, while one of his hands moved from your hair to your lower back to pull you flush against him, melding your bodies together, as if he needed to feel every inch of you.

He nuzzled his face against your skin and held you close with an almost desperate urgency.

You felt his chest quiver and brought your hand up to his face but he buried it deeper into your neck.

There was a soft sniffle. A quiet sob.

Your arms closed around him in a gentle embrace and you felt his whole body tremble as his tears trickled down your skin. You pressed your lips on his neck where you could reach it and gently stroked his hair.

“I love you, Loki.” You whispered and his hold on you tightened. "I love you so much."

You did not know how long you stayed like this. Eventually both of you drifted into sleep and it was in the middle of the night when you awoke. The lights were still on. Loki was still in your arms.

He groaned softly when you moved and his eyes opened slowly.

“Where are you going?”

“Bathroom.” You leaned down to place a kiss on his cheek but the look in his eyes clenched your heart. “Are you ok?”

He did not answer, merely stared at you with those beautiful eyes filled with vulnerability.

“Tomorrow.” He said.

“What's tomorrow?”

“After the gala at Tate, I will answer every question you have. Anything. I promise. And if you still want me after -”

You put your finger to his lips and shook your head.

“Do you really think that anything you tell me, could make me _not_ want you, Loki?”

He blinked.

_Gosh, you wanted nothing more than to make him believe you. Trust you._

“There are things you need to know.” He said softly.

You nodded and leaned forward to kiss his forehead before you slipped off the bed and into the ensuite.

When you came back he was already asleep. Or at least it looked like it. You turned off the lights and Loki purred and pulled you into his arms when you climbed back into bed. You closed your eyes, relishing the feel of his warm body against yours. Loki tightened his hold on you a little, pressed a kiss on your shoulder and nuzzled your neck.

“I love you.” He breathed into your hair.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm.... that was good. Loki deserves a big hug for that!!!
> 
>  
> 
> I put two chapters up in a row because I lagged behind as I got distracted for a couple of days reading "The reluctant Bride" by Caffiend.  
> A recommendation for those of you who like BDSM and smut and Thomas. I'm not usually into full on BDSM stories, but this one is beautifully written and has plot and depth of characters .... be warned, it's intense ... and I'm sure quite a few of you already know it.


	38. Trouble in paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First of all - thank you for all the lovely comments!!!! especially on the last chapter. It was surprising and also very encouraging that I seemed to have managed what I tried to achieve, namely to get across the underlying love and sweetness of their relationship in a rather smutty chapter.  
> And I know you all want to know what Loki's big secret is ...
> 
> Well, ... you'll find out ... eventually *smirk*
> 
> Much love to you all 💖
> 
>  
> 
> And a quick note to all teenage readers out there - I admit I always feel a little uneasy with teenagers reading the smutty parts (even though "my" smut is very low-key - no pun intended ;) ). I myself would have blushed the whole way through the smut when I was a teenager - but I would still have read it! And oh my god it would have given me all sorts of naughty ideas!! 
> 
> Unfortunately, I had some very disappointing and hurtful experiences with guys who took advantage and I guess, what I mean to say is - please, look out for yourselves and look after yourselves, girls!! 💖 Be careful. Be wise. 
> 
> Hope this didn't come across as patronising ... I just had to get that off my chest.  
> Thanks for enjoying this story!!

_Carry me away from this dark and lonely room_  
_Light me in your arms - all I want to know is you_  
_Chase away the darkness with everything you are_  
_I will find my strength in the beat of your heart_

_~Hayley Westenra, beat of your heart_

 

"Good morning, love."

A very sleepy velvet voice whispered in your ear and you turned around in his arms, purring softly. When you opened your eyes, Loki's ocean water ones were right there, only a couple of inches away. 

"You look lovely this morning, my little mistress."

As sweet as the words were delivered, they sent an instant trickle of pleasant arousal through you. You brushed your lips over his and he caught them in a tender kiss. 

"Where's Loki?" You asked against his lips. "My arrogant asshole boss and licentious god?"

"He will be back." He assured you grinning against your lips. "Just taking a little break."

Loki's arms came around you and he searched your tongue with his as he pulled you closer to him. That insistent tongue of his, which could subdue you with such ease and make you melt into his arms in desperate need for more.

More of him.

Loki's hands leisurely stroked over your back down to your ass and he squeezed your soft flesh gently before his fingers traced the lace panites you were still wearing. 

"These are not even worth wearing, love, they are practically non-existent." 

He whispered against your lips and you moaned into the kiss as he pushed them down. 

Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries" destroyed the sweet moment of shared passion as it rudely blared out from Loki's phone. Both of you sighed. 

Loki rolled over and swiped his finger over the screen. 

"Morning father." He yawned, but his voice instantly lost the sleepy purr. "Yes, we are pretty much ready. We will be down in ten minutes - at the latest."

Groaning he dropped the phone on the floor before he caged you in his arms again, burying his teeth in your neck. You squeaked. 

"Why would I want breakfast, when I can have you, my sweet little cookie? Hm?" 

It made you chuckle. You relished Loki being all snuggly and affectionate. 

Your god delivered little bites along your shoulder and you ran your fingers through his soft hair, voice filled with disappointment when you spoke. 

"I guess we have to get up."

"Hm." He grumbled, trying to pull you back into his embrace when you pulled away, which made you giggle. You watched the corner's of his mouth curl up, when he tapped his index finger against his lips.

"Just one more."

He said and you happily complied.

 

***

 

Everyone was already up and the breakfast table set. Thor had a smug smile plastered on his face as he looked from you to Loki.

"Why, brother, you look rather happy this morning."

"Shut up, Thor." Loki snapped, albeit with a smile on his face as he took a seat. You settled on the chair next to him. 

The big blonde slumped into the spare seat next to you and leaned in. 

"Did you two finally --?"

You pushed your elbow into his ribs. 

_Gees. How did he even know?_

Thor chuckled and served himself ham and eggs from a large pan, while Loki took your plate and filled it with grilled vegetables, a couple of hash browns and poached eggs before he spooned some hollandaise sauce over it. 

"Baked beans?" He asked with a cocked eyebrow. 

"I'm not sure if I can fit any. That's quite enough for me, thank you."

He placed the plate in front of you. Before you knew it, his fingers intertwined with yours and he brought your hand to his lips to press a tender kiss on it. You felt the heat rise to your cheeks. Loki had not been showing his affection so openly in front of his parents.

"Always so polite." He purred, still holding your hand as he glanced over at Frigga who had been watching the two of you with a satisfied smile on her face. "Don't worry, mother, Y/N is not nearly as polite and proper as she lets on. She is not going to turn me into a gentleman."

"Well, that's a relief." Frigga countered and took a sip of her tea. "I admit that I was becoming rather concerned about that. Would not want that to happen, would we?"

"No." Loki smirked and let your hand go to reach for some food. "That would be - _shocking_."

To your surprise, as soon as his plate was filled, Loki leaned in and pressed a kiss on your temple.

Ok, your face was steaming hot now and your gaze immediately flicked to Odin, whose eyes were on you. There was an amused smile lingering on his lips before he averted his gaze and took a bite from his croissant. 

"I'm afraid we will have to postpone our beach walk and Friday night movie." 

Thor announced and you were bemused to see that he had almost finished his plate when you turned to him. _Astounding_.

"Why's that?"

"Can you pass me another slice of toast, please?" He asked and you reached over the table and fished a crispy slice of bread out of a breadbasket. "Thank you. An old surf buddy is in Hawaii at the moment and asked me to join him."

"Wow, that sounds so nice! How long will you be there for?"

"About ten days."

"Which island?"

"Molokai, his family lives there."

"Oh, Hawaii." you hummed and smiled. 

"Have you been there?" Loki asked.

"Only on Oahu, stayed up in the hills with a friend and we did little day trips. I always wanted to go to the other islands, but it never worked out."

"We can go there sometime. Take the jet." Loki popped a small cheese filled pepper into his mouth and licked the tips of his fingers, which, as you noted to your embarrassment, inspired a whole lot of indecent thoughts in your mind.

_Jesus. Why did even little things like this turn you on?_

You stared at him - partly because of the uncomfortable thoughts he had awoken, but mainly because of the fact that he had just offered you to go to Hawaii with him. You were still getting used to the fact that the man by your side was incredibly rich and could just travel anywhere in this world at his leisure. 

"You - you would do that for me?"

He turned to look at you, his forehead creasing in a little frown. 

"There is very little that I would _not_ do - _with_ you." By the end of the sentence a mischievous smirk had crept on his face and you kicked his shin.

"Little spitfire." He whispered.

"I would love to go to Hawaii if you get time off work."

He chuckled softly. 

"I am my own boss. I can just _take_ time off work, love."

_Oh. Right. You hadn't quite thought that through. Another thing you were still getting used to._

You smirked. After a few bites, you turned back to Thor. 

"I could take Maul for walks while you're away."

"I've organised a dog sitter, but I'm sure Mjölnir would be over the moon to see you."

"I look forward to seeing him too. Maybe I can convince Loki to join us."

You felt Loki's warm hand on your thigh. 

"I would love that." He replied. 

Odin cleared his throat to get Loki's attention. 

"We should discuss the meeting before we leave, Loki. Y/N, you can join us if you wish to."

Loki turned to you.

"Would you like to join us in the business meeting or would you like to explore Central London for a couple of hours? We could meet at Tate Gallery."

"I think I would like that. Explore, I mean. I haven't been to London for a long time."

Loki smiled. 

"Very well."

  

***

You had settled on a park bench in Hyde Park, watching the ducks in the lake, munching on a packet of salt & vinegar crisps and sipping a bottle of non-alcoholic cider. You had a little less than an hour before you were meeting Loki.

Your father traveled to London often when you were in your teens and he would sometimes bring you and your mum. This reminded you of your childhood.

London was always exciting. The flight over. The red busses. The foreign smell of the subway. Cider and hot chips. Hyde Park.

You chuckled. You had grown up in such a small town. Basically in the country - London had seemed like such a different world.

Your phone chimed and you pulled it out of your bag.

 

TONY: _Hello, my little hell's angel, are you back in the States yet?_

YOU: _Still in London._

_TONY: How's the devilish lover boy?_

_YOU: Very well :)_

_TONY: Have you tried out Natasha's gift yet?_

You blushed.

_Gees. He actually knew about that?_

Your phone chimed again.

__TONY:_ Are you blushing? _

_YOU: Tony!!_

__TONY:_ What? _

_YOU: You're outrageous!!_

_TONY: Good ... Well?_

__YOU:_ Well what? _

___TONY: Well, have you? Made use of it?_ _ _ _I'm surprised you have a hand free to text me, which means that you are not chained to a bed somewhere, I guess._

___YOU:__ Tony!! _

You could literally hear his laugh.

____TONY:___ I would love to see your face right now, Frida. _

_____TONY: S____ o, when are you coming back? I think you owe me dinner for setting you up with the Lord of the underworld._

____YOU:___ We're flying back this afternoon. _

_____TONY: You'll be back sooner than me.____ I'll be away on business for most of next week. What about Friday?  Next week?_

_____YOU:____ Friday sounds good. Shall I call you?_

______TONY: Meet me_____  at 7pm at Stark Tower, we'll take it from there._

______YOU:_____ Fine. Look forward to it!!_

_______TONY:______ Me too, Frida. I would like to see some of your artwork. Do you have a portfolio?_

______YOU:_____ I'll bring it along._

_______TONY:______ Great. Consider it a date! See ya, love._

_______YOU:______ See you then, Tony. _

________YOU:_______ Behave yourself._

________TONY:_______ Never ;)_

You chuckled. You looked forward to seeing Tony again, but you could not believe that he knew about Natasha's gift. You rolled your eyes. That meant a whole lot of embarrassing questions as soon as you would see him. You slipped the phone back in your bag and finished your crisps and cider, before you made your way to Knightsbridge station.

 

***

 

"You look happy." Loki placed his hand on your lower back as you walked inside. 

"I spoke to Tony." You side-eyed Loki, trying to gauge his reaction and were relieved to see that he merely smiled.

"Is he trying to get you to go out with him?"

"He invited me out for dinner, next Friday."

"Snake." Loki muttered under his breath. 

"You're not still jealous, are you?"

"And why would I _not_ be?"

"Because we are really just friends. I don't want anything -"

Loki stopped. His hands settled on your shoulders as he looked at you, thumbs rubbing little circles on your skin.

"I know. I know that your intentions are purely of innocent nature. That does not mean that Stark's are." When you opened your mouth to object he held up a finger. "And even if his intentions were entirely innocent either - I would still be jealous."

You frowned. 

_Jesus Christ. He really was possessive._

"But as much as I would love to lock you away somewhere, I am _not_ going to keep you from living your life and meeting your - friends."

_At least he was not going to try and talk you out of having dinner with Tony. That was good of him._

"I know that I am _obsessive_." Loki scoffed.

" _Possessive_." You said.

Loki grinned. 

"That as well."

"Obsessive possessive. Quite likely a comparative of obsessive compulsive." You smiled at him. 

"Thank you for taking this lightly, kitten."

"You could always collar me. Just to mark your territory."

Loki's eyes instantly darkened and he leaned forward to catch your lips. 

"Maybe I will."

When he pulled away, he intertwined his fingers with yours. 

"Friday night?"

"Yes. At seven."

"He's throwing a party on Saturday that we are invited to as well."

"Oh, he hasn't told me."

"It's a business event. Hela will be there too."

You squeezed his hand.

"Don't terrorise me with texts and calls again on Friday evening, ok?"

"Hm." A dangerous smirk lingered on his lips.

"No. Loki."

"What if there is an emergency?"

"Like what?"

"Like I urgently need -" He leaned in to whisper into your ear. "to sink myself into your warmth to find relief from my desperate need to fuck you?"

_Oh, god that dirty tongue of his. You felt the heat tingle down your body pooling between your legs._

"Loki!" He chuckled. "A phone call or text message won't solve _that_ emergency."

"Oh, darling, you evidently have never seduced any of your lovers over the phone."

"Gees, Loki."

"Do not fret, kitten, I shall teach you."

He said and pressed an innocent kiss on your temple as you walked into the hall. 

" _Not_ when I have dinner with Tony."

"But that would be so much more exciting, wouldn't it?"

"It would earn you _not_ being allowed to _touch_ me for _a week_."

"Pet, you would never do that."

"Challenge me."

When you looked up at him he pouted and you laughed. 

You noticed proudly that he was still holding your hand when Odin joined you. Loki's father greeted you with a smile and the three of you sauntered through the hall for over an hour, socialising. Talking to clients, old friends and old business associates of Odinson Law.

You were fascinated with the respect people had for Odin, that showed so clearly in their body language as they straightened, trying to give him a good account of themselves. Others greeted him with warmth but respectful distance.

Odin reminded you of a lion. Confident, proud and completely in control of the situation as he strutted through the crowd. 

Loki on the other hand was a panther. Dark, smooth and utterly graceful. But somewhat unpredictable.

"Are you able to endure any more or do you need a break?" Odin's deep voice ripped you out of your thoughts.

You looked up at Odin in surprise, his one grey eye resting on you. 

"Believe me, I know how tiresome this can be" he offered with a benevolent smile, when you did not say anything. "You look tired, child. Maybe Loki should take you to get some refreshments."

"I think that would be a good idea, actually, thank you. We won't be long."

Although you had not spoken much with Odin, ever since your talk in the stables, he had offered you nothing but fatherly warmth. And it comforted you that he seemed to even notice when you were getting tired and needed food. 

So Loki and you walked over to the side of the hall were a make shift bar with small snacks and refreshments had been put up. Much to your delight, you spotted a familiar face at one of the tables. 

"Stephen!" 

"Y/N! Loki! What a nice surprise. Well, to be honest, I had expected to meet you here, since many of the guests have some kind of association with Odinson Law. When are you going back to New York?"

"Straight after this." Loki said and you felt his arm come around your waist. 

Stephen smiled.

"I will be in New York next month. Let's get together for lunch or dinner at my place sometime."

Loki liked the idea, and quite frankly, you _loved_ it. 

"Getting some food?" Stephen asked, finishing of a sandwich.

You nodded.

"You should try those cucumber sandwiches, they are delicious."

Somebody called out Stephen's name and he hastily shoved the last of his sandwich into his mouth. 

"I'm sorry, got to go, but I will be back, don't run away." With that he stalked off.

"Wait here, I will get you some food." Loki kissed your cheek and walked over to the bar, only to return a couple of minutes later with an assortment of sandwiches and an orange juice for you. 

"Champagne sir?" A waiter asked and Loki declined. "Do you have a good Chardonnay?"

The waiter nodded. "I'll be right back, sir." 

"How are you feeling, kitten?" Loki stole one of the sandwiches of your plate and took a bite. "Hm. Not bad, Stephen was right."

"I'm feeling fine. Just needed something to eat."

"We don't have to stay until the end."

"But it means a lot to your father that you are here."

"That _we_ are here." Loki corrected you. "He is really making an effort to include you, ever since he apologised."

"Because he loves you."

The waiter placed Loki's drink on the table and Loki twirled the thin stem of the glass between his fingers as he stared at it.

"I am lucky, am I not? To have such a wonderful family."

You squeezed his arm. 

"You are. Very lucky."

He smiled at you, took a sip of his wine and pulled a face.

"This tastes awful."

A couple of seconds later his lips parted and his eyes widened.

Loki stumbled a step back and the glass shattered on the concrete floor.

“Loki?” You took a step forward and grabbed his arm.

“Epinephrine.” he said. “It's in your bag. Quickly.”

_What?_

"I need an injection."

As he touched his throat and placed a hand on the table to steady himself you processed what he was talking about.

_Anaphylactic shock._

You opened your bag, frantically searching for the small black pouch that contained his epinephrine injections that he needed in case of an allergic reaction. You unzipped it and handed him one of the injectors with shaky fingers.

Without a moment of hesitation Loki grabbed it and shoved the needle through the fabric of his pants, injecting the liquid into his thigh.

He sighed in relief.

Then his eyes met yours. You must have looked shocked, because his expression changed immediately to one of concern.

“It's going to be ok, kitten. I'm going to be ok."

His breathing was laboured and you noticed the skin around the eyes swelling slightly. Loki took one of your shaking hands in his. 

"Just get me out of here. Call 999, then find Odin.”

You were so shaken that you just stood there for a moment staring at him.

Loki squeezed your hand. 

"I need to get to a hospital." He was wheezing. "Father will tell them where to. Why don't I call 999 - and you go and find Odin."

_Ok, pull yourself together - you heard him - it's going to be fine._

_Go and find Odin. Go and find Odin._

You repeated in your head as Loki pulled the phone from his pocket.

"Go, darling. Find Odin." You nodded and walked away briskly, overhearing Loki talk on the phone as you moved.

"Hello? There is an emergency at Tate Gallery. We need an ambulance imm--"

You had barely covered a few metres, when he broke off and you turned around to see him drop his phone and grab the table as he swayed, then his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he collapsed on the floor.

_Nononono._

“Loki!” You fell onto your knees beside him, cupping his face, not even noticing the shards of broken glass cutting through your skin.

_No, this wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening._

His face was swollen now, but he was still breathing. You could hear him breathe. 

“Help!!" You yelled. "Please, help! Odin! Stephen! Anyone. Please. Help!”

 _He is going to die. Oh god. Please. Please, don't let him die._ _._

A moment later Odin was by your side.

“Support his head.” He ordered, then he slipped his own hand under Loki's head and tugged it backwards, opening Loki's mouth with his other hand, he leaned down to check his breathing.

“He is still breathing, but we need to keep his throat stretched and the windpipe open.”

“What happened?” Stephen knelt down beside you.

“He – he had a sip from his wine, and then – he - he - an allergic reaction. He injected himself and collapsed. Oh god, Stephen, please. Please, help him."

"I need to call an ambulance." He rose and you vaguely heard him speak on the phone, your entire focus narrowed on Loki.

"Please, Loki. Please, come back. Please." You whispered.

“The ambulance is on the way. Keep his head back, so that he can breathe.”

Stephen knelt down beside Loki and ripped shirt open, checking his chest.

“The swelling has stopped, but he will likely have a biphasic reaction, which means he will need more epinephrine. Where is the kit? There is a second injector in there, we may need it."

You pointed to the table and Stephen grabbed the small black pouch.

"I'll come with you in the ambulance – we will need to have him checked for Strep and a couple of other things since he lost consciousness.”

You couldn't take your eyes off his swollen, distorted features, and you placed one of your hands over his heart, so you could feel the steady rhythm. 

As long as you could feel his heart beat, it was going to be fine.

"Please, don't leave me, Loki. Please."

_Stay with me. Please, don't leave me. Everything was going so well, Loki. Please, don't leave me. Don't leave me._

As your shock dissolved slowly, the realisation of the gravity of the situation washed over you accompanied by a wave of panic. 

_What had Odin told you? That Loki could slip into a coma and never wake up?_

You closed your eyes and shook your head.

_You weren't prepared to loose him. You just weren't ready._

“Be strong, child."

Odin's baritone voice was comforting, but it did very little to diminish the terrifying fear that was strangling your heart in this moment. 

"Look at me." His tone was stern and you obeyed and lifted your eyes to search his. 

"He is not lost yet. Be strong."

Odin placed his hand over yours and squeezed it gently.

"You are not alone.”

 

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I know, this wasn't quite what you expected ...


	39. A snowball's chance in hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> first morning without him ... and more revelations...
> 
>  
> 
> *edit* I just saw that The Devil Inside hit over 1000 kudos - so I would like to give a big hug and kiss and thank you to all of those who enjoy this story!! I really value your appreciation, but I admit that, most of all, I value the joy and tears and laughter this has given you so far. thank you for the lovely and often very supportive comments :) that inspire me to more mischief in the fan-fic world.  
> 🙏💖😘

 

_Every time I spend a lonely night, yeah_  
_Thinking I won't make it 'til the morning light_  
_All I do is think of you and I (you and I)_  
_Suddenly the wrongs they start to feel so right_

_~Kelly Clarkson, meaning of life_

 

You woke up to someone putting a blanket over your shoulders, the cosy warmth of the soft piece of fabric making you hum softly. Frigga's hands rubbed your shoulders.

“Why don't you lie down, dear?”

Without opening your eyes, you shook your head.

“I don't want to leave him.”

You heard her sigh.

“We will not mind if you sleep next to Loki on the bed, if that is what you are worried about.”

_Oh. That was exactly what you had been wanting to do, and exactly why you hadn't._

“Thank you.” You reached for Frigga's hand and she squeezed yours, offering you one of her special motherly smiles when you turned to look at her.

"It will be good for him to feel you, dear."

Frigga had arrived a few hours after Loki was admitted to hospital and her presence had immediately set you at ease.

Stephen and the doctor in charge and been running endless tests on Loki, trying to figure out what had made him faint and how to make him regain consciousness. Apparently, the anaphylactic shock had triggered an immune reaction that was connected to Loki's childhood condition and had shut down his sympathetic nervous system. Stephen was also concerned that he might have a bacterial infection in his spinal cord liquid, but fortunately that test for this had come back negative.

By the time Loki was finally brought to one of the rooms, it was clear that he had fallen into a coma and even though they had the most advanced technology at their disposal, they were clueless as to how to bring him back.

When Frigga had arrived, the doctor in charge took her and Odin aside to talk to them in private, so you sat down by Loki's side, taking his hand in yours and watching him sleep. 

_He is just sleeping._

You told yourself.

_Just asleep. He'll wake up anytime._

You nuzzled your face against his hand and briefly closed your eyes, waking up two hours later when Frigga put the blanket around you.

"I will stay in the chair over there for the rest of the night." She pointed to a comfortable lounge chair in the far corner of the room. "Odin has gone to book a hotel room nearby and get some necessities. Is there anything you need? I have dinner over there for you as well."

Her voice was so mellow. Kind. You were touched by how kind she was to you. Basically a stranger.

You merely shook your head. 

"Thank you. I'll be fine. I just need to rest."

Then you rose and climbed onto the bed to lie down beside Loki, running your fingers over his forehead and brushing a kiss on his cheek before you slipped your arm around his torso and snuggled up against him.

“Sleep, dear.” The touch of Frigga's hand, stroking your hair tenderly was the last thing you remembered before you drifted off to sleep.

 

You woke before sunrise.

Loki's bed was right beside a large window with a view over the roofs of the city. The curtains were pulled back and the cool, grey light of dawn dipped the room in an eerie light. Your eyes wandered from the window to Loki's face.

He looked so relaxed. So peaceful.

Somehow, you expected him to open his eyes any moment, pull you in his arms and purr into your ear.

You missed his purr. 

You stared at his sleeping face.

_My beautiful god._

_Come back to me, please._

“I love you, Loki." You whispered and tentatively touched his face. "I love you and I am not prepared to give you up. There is so much we still need to share. Need to do. There's so much you do not know about me. And so much I want to know about you. Do you hear me?" You placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. "Don't you dare leave me now.”

You reached down to play with the fingers of his left hand, intertwining them with yours.

“I haven't even been to your penthouse yet. Well, I've only ever been there _once_ to deliver some files for you - you probably don't even remember. And I want to visit you in that deviously heavenly night club of yours again. I want to see your world. Be part of your world."

You brought his hand to your lips and brushed them against it.

"And I – I would like you to meet my parents."

Holding his hand to your heart, you nuzzled the side of his face before you placed your mouth close to his ear as you whispered into it.

"There's this pretty collar that I stole from your drawers. I want you to put it around my neck, so that you know for sure that I do not wish to run away from you. I want you to claim me ... look after me ... I want to surrender to you." You kissed the shell of his ear. "You need to come back for that, ok?”

His fingers were so cold. You ran your own fingers over the tips of his. Such delicate, long and beautiful fingers. Such big hands. 

“Don't leave me.”

Your lips touched the back of his hand before you pressed it against your cheek.

"Don't leave me."

You glanced over at the comfortable lounge chair that was occupied by a sleeping Frigga. She had stayed. 

Resting your head on Loki's chest, you watched the sun rise over London's busy streets.

A new day awakened over the city. A new day brought new hope.

It made you wonder what this new day would really bring.

Joy or sadness?

Fourteen hours had passed since Loki had lost consciousness. Fourteen hours that felt like the longest fourteen hours of your life.

You dozed off and awoke to the sound of cutlery and tableware being moved.

It was around eight o'clock. Frigga was busying herself setting the small table for breakfast and you rubbed your eyes and sat up.

“I'm really sorry.” You said. “I should be helping you.”

She smiled.

“You are fine. I'm a mother, I am used to looking after others.”

You slipped off the bed and walked over to the table.

“Odin brought your bags. They are by the bathroom, why don't you take a shower and freshen up before breakfast?”

_That sounded good._

The warm spray of the water against your skin was balm to your soul. You imagined it washing away this dull feeling that had started to settle inside your chest. The grief and fear that Loki may not wake up, no matter how much you wanted him to.

You wanted to have hope. You wanted to believe that Loki would wake up, and yet, seeing him lying there - so still, almost lifeless, ate away on you.

When Odin had told you about the possibility of loosing him, you proudly thought yourself strong enough to face it. And maybe you would be stronger, had you had the chance to spend more time with him, to grow closer? 

_Grow closer?_

If you were to be honest with yourself, you had to admit that you had never been as close to anyone before. Never had a relationship this intense. This intimate.

It was the looks, the touches, the small gestures. Loki's scent, the depths of his eyes, the power he held in his voice. It was that Loki knew your deepest needs, your wildest desires - it was the fact that Loki knew you in ways that even you yourself had not been aware of.

You realised that it needed a certain amount of trust to open up to somebody like this.

And you trusted him. With your life.

You trusted that he would take care of you. Trusted him that he would only ever do what was best for you - no matter what that meant. 

_"It means that you give yourself to me. Surrender. Willingly submit to me and serve me. Be dependent on me to give you what you need or whatever I see fit. Trust me - implicitly - whatever I may do to you. Even – even if I chose to hurt you."_

With a sigh you turned your face up into the jet of water, letting the warm liquid to caress your skin.

_You were wiling to give him all that._

After the shower you slipped into a pair of comfortable pants and a simple cotton top and cardigan before you joined Frigga for breakfast. It had advantages to be in a single room in the best clinic of London. This hospital reminded you more of a hotel than anything else.

You joined Frigga at the table and nibbled on a cheese roll.

“How are you feeling today?” Frigga's tone was caring.

“Ok.” You took a sip of your tea, then you added. “I think.”

“You have grown so close, Loki and you. It is beautiful to see him become more like his old self. Full of mischief and bent on making people laugh.”

“What – what made him change?”

“He hasn't told you, has he?”

 _The irony of fate,_ you thought. 

“He was going to tell me on the flight to New York. He said he'd answer all my questions.”

Frigga closed her eyes and shook her head.

“I am so sorry, dear.”

“Sif mentioned something about his family, but she did not want to tell me anything as soon as she realised that I didn't know. Is this - I mean - is whatever he wanted to tell me about his family?"

Frigga nodded. You swallowed.

_What had happened to them that made it so difficult for Loki to talk about it?_

"Loki was a sickly child. A skinny, pale boy who seemed aloof because he was more interested in mathematics and science than in playing soccer or spending time with other children his age. Loki was different and he was weak, it did not take long for him to be bullied at school. After Thor rescued his little brother once or twice, one of the girl's in Thor's class developed a soft spot for Loki. She was more like Thor, boisterous, a little wild and very head-strong. 

Loki was nine and she was eleven, when she was sent to the principle for breaking a boy's nose, who had had Loki in a headlock, attempting to make him plead for mercy." Frigga chuckled softly at the memory, before her eyes found yours. "Let me just tell you that Loki was _never_ one to plead. Especially _not_ for mercy."

It made you smile.

_Oh, yes. You could see that. A skinny, pale and stubborn boy with an unbreakable will._

"Odin and I and Angela's parents were called in to put our children straight. Which ended up with the four of us having dinner and Angela and Loki becoming friends. Because of the incident with the broken nose, Odin nicknamed Angela "Angrboda" - _bringer of grief_. Like the Norse Warrior Goddess."

Frigga paused to give you a moment to absorb things. Now that you had a little knowledge about the mythological Loki, you had the feeling that you knew where this was heading.

"Angrboda, the giantess? One of Loki's wives?"

Frigga offered you a soft smile and nodded.

"Despite other students making fun of her for befriending a boy who was two years younger, Loki and her became inseparable. She was Loki's great love. They married when Loki was seventeen.”

Frigga glanced at you, evidently gauging your reaction. 

 _Loki had had a wife. And a child. Not only that - he had married the_ love of his life.

_Was there a twinge of jealousy in your heart?_

_Of course, he had told you that he had been in love before - but this, this sounded - well, it sounded so much more serious than just 'being in love'. It sounded like one of those fairy tale weddings._

_Childhood friends. Love of their lives._

"How are you feeling?" Frigga enquired carefully. 

You ignored her question.

"Seventeen? Isn't that a bit young to marry?"

"Loki knew what he wanted. Once he commits to something, he is very serious about it."

_Yes, that's what the others had said as well._

"When he loves, he loves with all his being and he gives all he has. Everything Loki does has intensity. " Her eyes clouded with grief as she spoke the words, and for the first time you saw tears sparkling in Frigga's gracious eyes. "Unfortunately this intensity was also what drove him insane in the end."

Without thinking you reached across the table to take her hand and she smiled at you, a tear rolling down her cheek. She wiped it away with her hand.

"You don't - don't have to go on if it hurts." 

You heard yourself say, but she shook her head. 

"It is fine. I guess, I will never really _not_ cry when I think of that time. He was so lost." She sniffled, but smiled at you. "I probably should not be telling you any of this. It must hurt you to hear this."

"No. _Please_. Please, do. I want to know why he keeps believing I would push him away."

"Because he is afraid. He has lost so much in his life. Too much."

"How?" you asked. Frigga glanced up, but her gaze wandered behind you, to somebody entering the room.

"Good morning, Stephen." How she could give him such a bright smile was incomprehensible to you. She reminded you of a queen, always strong and calm for those around her. You leaned back in your seat and sighed.

"Am I interrupting?"

"No." You said and shook your head as you turned around to face him. He looked pale and had evidently been getting too little sleep. "Any news?"

"Unfortunately, no. Not yet." He quickly added. "I came by to see how Loki is and ask if anyone needed anything. I'm going home to get a change of clothes and can get things on the way."

"Thank you for your kind offer. We are fine, but you look like you need rest." Frigga offered. 

"I'll see that I get a couple of hours sleep on one of the beds in the nurse's home when I'm back. I'd rather be here in case he wakes up." 

Stephen came up to you and ruffled your hair. 

"I am more concerned about you. How are you holding up?"

"I slept a few hours. I'm fine."

"I wasn't talking about sleep. How are you feeling?"

You bit your lip. 

How were you feeling?

_Like your whole world had suddenly collapsed and you were unable to piece it back together?_

_Like somebody had pulled the rug from under your feet and you were falling into a bottomless pit?_

_Like you weren't sure if you were strong enough to support the hope that everything would be fine, and it had only been seventeen hours since Loki fell into a coma?_

_It had not even been a day and every time you thought about loosing him, it made you nauseous._

_What were the chances of him recovering?_

You had neither been aware that you had closed your eyes nor of biting your lip so hard you could taste the metallic flavour of your own blood in your mouth, but when a pair of strong arms wrapped around you, you leaned into the embrace.

_Shouldn't you be strong?_

_Shouldn't you be able to keep it together?_

"I don't know if I can do this, Stephen. I thought I would be strong, but I don't know how I can do this."

His hands rubbed up and down your back while he hummed softly. 

"That's alright. You don't have to force yourself to be strong. Just feel the pain. Feel the loss. The fear." One of his hands stroked over your head. "Let it all be there. Allow it to be there. There is nothing you need to do."

His voice soothed you.

_Allow it._

_Allow the hurt. The pain. The fear. The weakness._

Why were you so weak?

"No need to judge yourself for being weak. It's ok to feel the pain." His deep voice vibrated in his chest, reminding you of Loki, and you tightened your arms around him.

"Can you feel it?"

You nodded. 

"Good.  Just let it be there. There is no need to judge the way you feel. It doesn't matter if you are weak or strong. What matters is to allow yourself to feel. Don't suppress your feelings, that's how you can help him most. He'd be proud of you."

You felt the heaviness. The tightness in your solar plexus. The restlessness in your legs. The dull pressure that lay around your heart. The nausea in your stomach. The hopelessness, the despair. That terrifying feeling of losing your grip.

You felt lost.

So lost.

You were terrified of falling into that dark bottomless whole. 

And then, you just let go.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hang in there....


	40. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More is about to be revealed ... a lot more than you would have liked.  
> This is a heavy chapter...
> 
>  
> 
> trigger warning: mention of child death

_Goodnight, my angel_  
_Time to close your eyes_  
_And save these questions for another day_  
_I think I know what you've been asking me_  
_I think you know what I've been trying to say_  
_I promised I would never leave you_  
_And you should always know_  
_Wherever you may go_  
_No matter where you are_  
_I never will be far away_

_~Billy Joel, goodnight my angel_

 

"I spoke to your father yesterday."

You turned around to find Odin standing behind you.

"What?"

_Eloquent language, kitten._

You could hear Loki's voice inside your head.

"I mean, what - what did you just say?"

"I saw your father, he was at Tate Gallery yesterday."

"He - he was?"

Odin merely nodded and walked over to the window to gaze out over the city. 

"How - I mean, I never told you who my parents were, so how do you know it was him?"

"Hela and Loki always do a background check on employees."

Right. So, there was a file about you in his confidential cabinet. Well, probably not even confidential. That explained how Loki knew all those things about you. Your likes and dislikes. 

You shouldn't be surprised, really. Hela and Loki were both very thorough when it came to doing their work, because they couldn't afford making mistakes.

But you could not deny that it hurt to know that Loki knew so much about you and had never cared to tell you. 

"Loki never read your file."

_Oh._

"For some reason, he asked Hela to do the check on you and only tell him if there was anything of severe importance, otherwise he did not want to know anything about you. He doesn't know who your parents are."

"I don't know what you mean by  _'who my parents are'_."

Odin turned towards you and fixed the gaze of his grey eye on you. 

"You are the daughter of one of the most wealthy men in Europe - and not necessarily a man who is always on the right side of the law."

"W-what?" You were taken aback by his words. 

 _He must have gotten that wrong. Your dad was rich but not - not wealthy. And certainly not_ that _wealthy._

"You must be mistaking me for somebody else. That's not my dad. My dad's not - can't be ..."

Odin's gaze rested on you for a long moment before he spoke again, his voice a lot softer than before.

"You really do not know, do you?"

_Do not know what? Who your parents were? Of course you knew who your parents were._

He let out a breath and pulled up a chair to sit down beside you.

"I apologise, I did not mean to stir things up. I merely thought that I needed to tell you, since you had not contacted them in a while."

"It couldn't have been my father."

"Your father's name is Andrew Gast, isn't it?"

Your eyes widened slightly and your lips parted.

_That was indeed your dad's name, but -- how?_

All you could do was nod.

"You and your sister took on your mother's last name, as this is a Russian tradition, isn't it?"

You nodded again. Feeling a slight nausea settling in your stomach.

Odin leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees he intertwined his fingers to place his chin on top of them. A gesture you had noticed Thor using a lot.

"What do you know about your father?"

"I -" You paused.

_What do you know about your father?_

You knew him as your father. And he hadn't necessarily been a good one. You had spent very little time with him, since you weren't interested in the company of where the money came from. 

"He was really good at chess?" You started and chewed on your lip. "He met mum at a chess tournament in Europe and left Russia to be with her. It was still communist, so he liked telling the story, because it was an adventure. A thrill. Everything always seemed like a game to him. I mean, he chaired a company that manufactured gambling machines. But, honestly, I didn't see him much. Especially when I was older. And he always seemed disappointed that I wasn't sharing his interests or did something more fun with my life. He loved games. And horse racing. I loved sitting at home. Painting or reading."

Now that you thought about it, you really didn't know much about him. Maybe also because you had spent most of your life at home with your mum, or at school. Or at social events that bored you to death.

"Well, your father was a Russian chess master, who fled to America in his early twenties, before he settled in Europe with your mother. He did not actually have a manufacture of gambling machines. He started a chain of casinos and today he is the proud owner and shareholder of almost every single casino in Europe. Everybody in the business knows him as the Grandmaster."

"The Grandmaster?"

_Gees, your dad even had a nickname? The godfather and the grandmaster. Had you not been so shocked, you would have probably found that rather funny._

"Comes from his career a chess player. He was a Russian chess _grandmaster_."

You blinked at Odin and he carefully reached out his hand to place it on your shoulder.

"I was unaware that you did not know any of this and I apologise if it seems insensitive of me to tell you. Especially now, when you already have quite a few things to deal with."

"Did you - tell him about me?"

"I did not. I was going to look for you and Loki and tell you that he was there. I felt that you would have appreciated a warning in case you ran into each other."

 _Wow, that was kind of him._  

"Thank you. Was mum there too?"

Odin exhaled sharply and his fingers tightened to give your shoulder a light squeeze.

"That is the reason I wanted to tell you. Your mother wasn't able to join him. She passed away two weeks ago."

_Mum._

_Passed._

_Away?_

"She - what?"

For a moment the world went blank. Sure, you hadn't seen her for years, but you always had the feeling that you would go and see them when you were ready. You just hadn't been ready.

_She couldn't have ... passed away ... just like that?_

_Why had your brother not contacted you?_

_He had your email._

_How could they not have tried to get in touch with you?_

"I am sorry, that I am the bringer of the bad news, but I thought you would rather hear it from me, than read it in the newspaper. Your father made it public yesterday and it will be all over the news by tomorrow."

You placed your head in your hands. 

You weren't quite sure what to feel. Or think. 

Even if you hadn't been close with your mother, for some reason you had believed she would always be there. That you had all the time in the world.

"How did she die?" Your voice sounded oddly choked.

"Cancer. Apparently it was sudden. Her health declined over only a few weeks."

"I - I don't know -"

"I understand that this is difficult, child, especially under the circumstances. But I thought it may be more of a shock, if you saw her face on the news or in the paper."

You nodded and put your hand on top of his, which was still resting on your shoulder.

"Why don't you go for a walk outside? Get some fresh air? The park outside is very peaceful. Take your phone, I promise I will call you in case Loki's condition changes."

_Maybe that was a good idea._

_Clear you head._

_Process what you had just learned._

Life was really hitting you hard, but you weren't going to let it take you down.

Loki had not given up, no matter how difficult his life had been. And he had been through much worse in his life. Much worse, you were sure. 

 

*** 

You had settled on a bench under a large ash tree, knees pulled up and your head resting on your arms. The breeze ruffled your hair and you noticed it was cooling down. Dark storm clouds were brewing in the East, it was only a matter of time until the storm would hit. 

Someone sat down on the bench next to you and you glanced up to find Frigga regarding you with a concerned look in her eyes. 

"Odin told me about your mother. Would you like to talk to me about it?"

You squinted, unsure if you wanted to. Then you closed your eyes.

"I wanted to go and see them. My parents. Together with Loki. I finally felt ready." You buried your face in your arms again. "I just believed she'd always be there. I never thought that she could pass away before I got to see her again."

Frigga's arm came around your shoulders.

"We tend to think that, don't we? That people are around forever. Sometimes life isn't fair when it takes people from us."

"We weren't close, but still. She was my mum. Nobody told me she was sick. How - how could they have forgotten about me?"

The last words came out with a small sob, and you felt the tears coming again. 

_Too many tears. Too weak. Too ..._

"I am sure they did not forget about you. I am sure that they tried to contact you. Nobody would forget about you, darling."

"They didn't even invite me to the funeral."

"Why don't you call them? Talk to them?"

"What if they don't want me? What if they didn't tell me on purpose?"

"Well, to be honest, you will not know, if you do not ask them. And right now you are hurting because you already expect the worst. So, what is the worst that could possibly happen?"

She rubbed your back.

_Right. She was right of course._

Even if it was true, and they _didn't_ want you - it couldn't feel any worse than it already did. And at least, if that was the case, you had every right to cut ties with them.

You sniffled and wiped away your tears. 

"You're right."

"And you are wonderful."

You blinked up at her to find one of those motherly smiles warming your heart and without thinking you leaned in and hugged her.

"Thank you."

She returned the hug with a squeeze. 

"Just remember, you're never alone. Not anymore."

After you pulled away, the two of you sat in silence for a while, until you finally mustered the courage to ask her. 

"What happened to Loki's family?"

Frigga took a deep breath. 

"I am not sure if - maybe you should wait until Loki wakes up so he can tell you himself."

But you shook your head. 

"I might as well know."

_You didn't think there was anything that could shock you any more than you already were._

_You were wrong._

"Are you sure?"

You nodded.

Frigga cleared her throat and let her gaze wander up into the tree above you. For a moment she just gazed up there, as if she was finding the words she was about to speak in the foliage above. Then she lowered her gaze and nodded.

"You know that we didn't tell Loki he was adopted, because Odin wanted to protect him from the truth and let him be his own person regardless of his relations. But he was also concerned that someone could want to harm Loki, that was why he kept his identity hidden."

"Loki told me that there was a client, who tried to take revenge for what Loki's father had done to his family."

She nodded.

"Yes. Alexis Denisof. He was the manager and CEO of a giant Pharma corporation - Thanos Inc.." She sighed. "Who would have thought that Denisof was such a ruthless being. Thanos Inc. became a client of Odinson's Law merely because Denisof wished to take revenge on Loki. He had found the brith certificate. I wish we would have burnt it right than and there. That dreaded document that caused so much damage."

_He hurt my family._

_That's what Loki had said, hadn't he?_

"That guy, did he - Loki said he hurt his family?"

Frigga nodded, a grim expression painting her usually soft face with a dark hue. 

"He abducted their children."

"Their _children_?"

"Angela fell pregnant shortly after they married. They had a girl, Hela, and a year later, the twins arrived. Jo and Fen. Lively little kids. We all loved them. My Hela was so proud that the girl was named after her."

"He had - _three_ children?"

Frigga nodded and smiled. 

"Loki was thrilled. He absolutely loves children."

Yes, he was good with children. You remembered Pippa and how she clung to Loki. It was the first time you saw his domestic side.

_Jesus, you had thought it odd how natural he looked being all domestic._

_He'd had a whole family of four._

_Three kids. And a wife._

You bit your lip. Barely hearing what Frigga said.

"By the time they were abducted, Hela was four and the boys were three. It was - the whole thing was a disaster. They were abducted from Loki's house. Loki was out and Angela was taking a nap. Denisof sedated her and took the children. Loki was beside himself when he came home."

_Three flowers. Three children._

You put your hand over your mouth. 

If Loki was too terrified to speak about what happened to them, then you were not sure anymore if you wanted to hear it.

"Denisof did not want any money, he merely wanted to see Loki suffer. It took a week for the police to find his hiding place, but he escaped in a car, taking the children with him - probably as an insurance."

_He died in a car crash, fleeing from the police._

_Oh god. Nonono._

"He crashed the car."

You shut your eyes.

"They had a police helicopter following him, but in the panic he ran a red light and got hit by a bus. The ambulance was there within a few minutes, but they weren't able to save them."

_Oh, god. Jesus, Loki._

He had been through the terror of them being abducted and then he had lost them. He had lost his children. All three of them.

You blinked as tears filled your eyes for the third time today. 

Frigga wiped her eyes, before she continued. 

"He blamed himself for it. Couldn't forgive himself for letting them get hurt and drove everyone away. Angela eventually left him, which drove him even deeper into the pain of his loss. His insanity. I thought we had lost him. Hadn't it been for Hela, I don't know what would have happened to him. Ever since then, Loki hasn't let anyone close. It has taken him a long time to trust somebody and to open up the way he does when he is with you - it almost seems like a miracle."

You weren't sure what to say. 

You could not even begin to comprehend what it would feel like to lose one's children. To be a parent and then loose them. In such a horrible way. Not knowing where they were for a whole week and then so close - so close to getting them back.

And all because he happened to be born under a different name. 

Shit. This wasn't like anything you had expected. 

You would have blamed yourself too. Your heart broke for him.

"Why do you think he thought I'd run away from him, if he told me?"

"Because he still feels guilty, and he is afraid. He drove Angela away when she needed him most. He wasn't there for her, and he still blames himself for that."

_Oh, Loki._

You wiped another tear off your cheek.

"Thank you." Your voice was faint when you rose. "I'll go back. I just - I just want to be with him."

 

 ***

 

Odin was by his side, when you came in, but perceptive as he was, he took in your appearance and rose.

"I'll go and get a cup of tea. Would you like anything?"

You knew he merely came up with an excuse so to give you space. So that you could have a moment to yourself.

"No, thank you."

Odin nodded. When he was gone, you lay down next to Loki, buried your face in the crook of his neck and cried. 

***

It was hours later, Frigga was reading in the lounge chair while you sat at the side of Loki's bed, reading as well, when you felt his fingers twitch under your hand. 

"Loki?" You put the book down on the bed and raised your head to look at him. 

His eyelids fluttered. There was a soft groan. 

"Loki, I'm here. We're here." 

You took his hand in yours and brought it to your lips to press a soft kiss onto its back. Frigga came to Loki's side and gingerly ran her fingers over his forehead. 

His eyes fluttered open and he squinted.

_Thank god! Thank god! Oh, god, thank you!_

You closed your eyes, keeping your lips on his hand you silently thanked whoever was responsible for this.

When you opened your eyes, you found Loki's watching you.

His voice was hoarse, but the tone undeniably smug.

"Did you miss me?" 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sad. That was a heavy chapter!!


	41. Out of the frying pan into the fires of hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First of all: I am sooo sorry for taking so long, but I was very sick and unable to do anything really. 
> 
> I wasn't just getting malicious pleasure from teasing you guys by taking ages with the next chapter ;)  
> Thank you for loving this story as much as you do and keep me updated with feedback, opinions and feelings!!
> 
>  
> 
> Sending a warning ahead of this chapter might be unnecessary if you've read the title. It kind of says it all, so be prepared.  
> On a brighter note - her siblings, Scott and Hope, are from the MCU as well and we will probably see more of them in the future. I made them siblings in this story even though that's not the case in the MCU.
> 
>  
> 
> PS: In case you need some lighter entertainment after reading this, I'm also posting another chapter of "Good things come in threes"

"Dad?"

There was a pause on the other end of the line. 

"Y/N?"

Your lip quivered a little. You weren't actually sure what to say.

"Y-yes?"

There was an audible exhale. 

"Where are you, girl?"

"I'm - in London."

When your dad did not say anything, you continued.

"I heard about mum. I - I'm -"

"Good god, girl. Your brother tried to contact you weeks ago. We didn't know what the hell happened to you."

You heaved a sigh of relief. At least they hadn't forgotten about you. Although you couldn't remember getting any emails. You needed to check with him if he had the right address.

"When she passed away, Scott even sent someone to that house you have on the beach in NY. But you weren't there. We weren't even sure if you still lived there."

"I - I still live there, but I was in Europe. Traveling." And it wasn't a house you had, it was merely a flat you rented.

"I see."

There was another awkward pause.

You'd never been good talking to your dad. Since you did not share his interests, you had the feeling that he only ever thought of you as some kind of entertaining little thing, nothing more.

"Are you coming to the funeral?"

_Uh - what?_

"I thought I'd missed it."

"Girl, don't you read the paper? Still such a dreamer - some things don't change, I guess."

"I- Uh. I hadn't - I mean, I haven't read or heard the news for a couple of days."

"The funeral is this afternoon. At 'the residence'. She wanted to have her ashes buried there."

_This afternoon?_

You stomach dropped a little. 

You wanted to go, but then, you had hoped you would be able to take Loki with you when you went see your family. "The residence" was your family's house on the outskirts of London.

Now, you would have to go by yourself.

The thought made you nervous, but it bordered on a miracle, that you had not missed your mother's funeral and you were relieved that your family actually wanted you there.

"Are you still there, girl?"

"Yes."

"I will send a car to get you, if you give me your address."

"Uh. Ok, sure."

You told him the address of the hospital.

"You're in hospital?"

"No, no. I'm visiting someone here."

"I see. Well, I will see you in a few hours then, sweetheart."

_He hadn't called her that since she was little girl._

"Yes. See you soon, dad."

"See you soon, Y/N."

 

***

You made your way back inside to see Loki, who had still been half asleep when you snuck out to call your father.

Shortly after Loki had awoken last night, Stephen and the doctor in charge checked him over and ran several tests on him, which had taken a couple of hours. By the time Loki returned to his room, he was exhausted. You had curled up next to him on the bed and he pulled you into a gentle albeit weak embrace. 

"I wish they would stop fussing over me." He muttered.

You nuzzled his face with your nose and pressed a kiss on his cheek.

"You could have died."

"It was merely an allergic reaction." He groaned softly.

"It wasn't just that." You murmured sleepily. "I'm so glad you woke. I wasn't prepared to lose you."

"My body just needed a time to adjust, kitten." He whispered.

"It's - it's because of that sickness you had when you were a child." You murmured.

"The therapy for that was successful and the process was halted, so there is no need to worry." He nuzzled your cheek with his nose.

"But, your dad said that if you ever fell into a coma due an immune response, the chances for you to recover were slim." You sighed.

The way Loki stiffened should have alerted you, but you were too tired and too happy to have him back to pay attention to small details like that.

"He said that?"

"You're awake now. That's all that matters." You yawned and snuggled closer.

"Hm." Loki hummed.

He fell quiet after that, gently stroking your hair as you both fell asleep.

 

Odin and Heimdall were just leaving when you came back Loki's room. You greeted them with a smile, which Odin returned but you could not help but notice that his expression was overall rather grave. When you entered Loki's room, you found him lying on his side, staring out the window. 

A small smile played on your lips as you approached him, but it fell when Loki turned around to look at you. His features were pale and his gaze drenched with pain.

“Are you alright?”

He nodded.

“Just been thinking.” He said, turning his gaze out the window again.

You sat down next to him on the bed and placed your hand on top of his. Loki slowly interlaced his fingers with yours.

"What were you thinking about?"

He closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Nothing of importance."

To your consternation, when he turned towards you, the unreadable mask, that you had not seen for a while, had returned to his features. You could tell he was keeping something from you. But you also knew that pushing him would not get you anywhere.

You rubbed the pad of your thumb over the back of his hand. He had been in a coma for almost two days, and he had been through a lot of medical attention, you couldn't really blame him for behaving a bit off.

"I'm going to go and see my family this afternoon. They're in London."

You did not want to tell him that you were going to your mother's funeral. Loki needed his strength for his recovery and you did not want him to waste his energy comforting you. The last thing he needed right now was to worry about you.

Nevertheless, knowing Loki, you expected him not to be all too happy about the fact that you were going to go and see your family by yourself, so you had already laid out a few good reasons why you need have to go today without having to tell him about the funeral.

What you had _not_ expected was what he said next.

"That sounds like a good idea. You haven't seen them in a while, have you?"

You stared at him for a moment.

"You're - ok with that? I mean, with me going? By myself? Somehow I expected you to try and talk me out of it."

"Kitten, you're a grown up woman. And family is important." He offered you a weak smile. 

You still stared and him, not being able to read his gaze. After a minute or so, Loki took a deep breath and squeezed your fingers lightly.

"Why don't you go and stay with them for a few days?"

 _Ok, that wasn't what you had expected -_ at all.

" _Stay_ with them?"

"Well, this is your chance, isn't it?"

You stared at him blankly, as if you had trouble understanding what he had just said.

And quite frankly, you kind of had. It was entirely unlike Loki to let you go so easily.

"Why don't you go see them for a few days and we meet back in New York? I will have to go back as soon as I am dismissed."

You frowned.

"I thought we were going back together?"

"We can, if you insist, but I really need to get back to work as soon as possible and you should enjoy the time you have with your family."

_If you insist?_

“I'd rather be with you, to be honest.”

He squeezed your hand and offered you a smile, but you knew him well enough to notice that did never reached his eyes. 

“Kitten, I already have so many people looking after me, I really do not need _another_ person fussing over me.”

_Ouch. That hurt._

His words confused you, even more so the look in his eyes that was now laced with grief. 

“You really want me to go see my family and - go back to New York - by myself?”

“I - I want you to be happy, kitten.”

“I'm happy when I'm with you.”

Loki shook his head, before he closed his eyes and sank back onto the pillow. He loosened his hold on your hand and took another deep breath. 

"Y/N, I need some space." 

You swallowed. You could feel a knot forming in your stomach at Loki's words. 

When he opened his eyes, he brought his hand to your face, gingerly brushing his fingers over your cheek, but the look in his eyes broke your heart. It was so full of pain.

"Loki, what -"

"Just go away for a few days. And call me when you are back home, ok?"

You stared at him.

"You still have the credit card, right? Use it for your flight and all other expenses you have."

You blinked. Your heart clenching painfully.

"Are you - are you sending me away?"

"I am merely keeping you safe, kitten." He kept his hand on your cheek, stroking it tenderly.

You opened your mouth to say something else, but you  were interrupted by Stephen entering. 

_God, the man really had a strange talent for inappropriate timing._

"Am I disturbing anything?"

"Not at all, Stephen." Loki said quickly before you had the chance to say anything. 

"I'd like to run a few more strep tests with you, Loki, - just until lunch, if that's ok?"

Loki shrugged. "Sure."

Loki's hand slipped behind your head, threading in your hair.

"Come here." He whispered and you leaned forward to touch your lips to his. 

He kissed you gently at first, then he deepened the kiss, his tongue ravishing your mouth almost desperately and you couldn't help but moan. Then Loki pulled away abruptly and leaned his forehead against yours for a moment before he let you go. 

"Now, go and have a nice time with your family."

After he had left with Stephen, you sat on his bed, staring out the window for a while. 

_"I need some space."_

The words echoed in your mind. 

That was what you had feared all along, wasn't it? That you were too clingy. That it would become too much for him. 

_But then - at his parent's house, hadn't Loki been the one who had sought you out?_

_"I want you to be happy."_

_"Just go away for a few days. And call me when you're back home, ok?"_

No, he wasn't sending you away, was he? He had a reason for this.

_"I am merely keeping you safe."_

He had a reason. You just needed to trust him.

 _Trust_ him.

You packed a bag with enough clothes for a couple of days and an hour later you made your way downstairs and were relieved to see Frigga as you crossed the entrance hall.

"Are you alright, darling?" A look of concern crossed her face as she looked at you. "Loki said you were going to see your family for a few days."

You fought back the tears that were suddenly about to come.

_You couldn't help it. Now that Frigga put it into words, it did feel as though he was sending you away._

_Don't cry, silly girl._

_Just trust him._

_He loves you._

_He wouldn't do anything to hurt you. He would never do anything to hurt you._

You nodded and Frigga pulled you in a warm embrace.

"I can see that you are about to cry, dear. Did anything happen?"

_Ok, that set you off._

You felt a couple of hot tears escaping your eyes and you squeezed her harder.

"I'm going to mum's funeral. It's today. My dad sent someone to pick me up."

_That sounded like a fair enough reason for you to be crying._

"Oh. I am so sorry that it is such a sad occasion that reunites you with them, but I am glad that you have not missed it. And that you decided to spend some time with your family."

_Well, you kind of hadn't. Loki had decided for you._

_You'd packed the bag to basically go straight back to New York after the visit to your parents' place. You weren't planning on spending more than the afternoon with your family._

You pulled away and wiped your tears.  Frigga cupped your face and pressed a kiss on your cheek.

"We are so lucky to have you in our family. I hope Loki and you will come back to visit soon."

_So, he had also told Frigga that you weren't going to go back together. Why did that leave such an uneasy feeling in your stomach?_

"Please, say goodbye to Odin for me?" You asked her forcing a small smile to your lips.

"I will. He is with Loki, if you want to go and see him now to say farewell?"

You shook your head. 

"I have to go. The car is waiting."

Frigga gave you another hug, before she let you go. You grabbed your small size trolly and pushed your purse up your shoulder, before you exited the hospital to find a black limousine   waiting for you.

 

***

 

The funeral was nothing like you had expected. A crowd of people lined the driveway and more were assembled on the lawn in front of the house. There were so many people, it made you queasy.

When the limousine pulled into the gravel driveway that led to the house, "the residence", as your family called it, you were flooded with memories. The driver opened the door for you and the white gravel crunched under your shoes as you stepped out of the car and took a look at the old mansion. If it had looked big when you were a child, it looked even bigger now. 

_Odd, shouldn't it be the other way around?_

As you let your gaze wander, you asked yourself how it had never occurred to you that your parents were  _wealthy_. Maybe, because money never held much importance for you. Apart from that, you spent most of your childhood and teens in a small town in the principality of Liechtenstein. A town that was rather unassuming, like the tiny princedom itself. You only ever came to "the residence" when you and your mother joined your dad on trips to London.

"Y/N!" It was the unmistakable voice of your father that rippled through your thoughts. 

You glanced around and found him standing by the front door, surrounded by press photographers and journalists. As soon as he saw you, he opened his arms. The gesture, even though welcoming, seemed more like an act rather than it holding any warmth.

_Yes, that's dad. Always ready to put on a show._

Nevertheless, you walked over to him with a shy smile on your face, noticing his eyes doing a once over of you before a smile coloured his features. He seemed quite pleased with your appearance. 

_Of course, he would be._

You had chosen to wear an elegant, dark blue Versace dress with a matching hat and silver stilettos. 

He pulled you into an awkward hug, cameras clicking and flashing as the two of you embraced.

"Smile and let them get a good shot." He whispered in your ear, before he put an arm around your shoulder and turned both of you towards the cameras.

"My youngest." He announced to the crowd.

_That's exactly what you remembered. Being show cased._

You weren't made for this, but at least you had learnt how to present yourself in public during the trip with Loki, so you did not let them see how appalled you were, but instead offered them a court smile.

"You have changed." Your dad stated with with a slightly risen eyebrow and a tone of satisfaction. "You have actually become presentable, dear, what a pleasant surprise. Your mother would be proud of you."

_Really? That's what he said to you? At your mum's funeral? After not seeing you for years?_

You were speechless.

"Come. Scott and Hope are waiting to see you."

With that, he hooked your arm in his, patted your hand and walked you around the house into the back yard, which was just as crowded as the front.

You spotted your brother first, then your sister. 

Over the years, you had mainly spoken to your brother, because your sister had never been too fond of you and you were worried that your parents were going to try and pull you back into the life you had escaped from. Although you would not call the relationship you shared with your brother an affectionate one, when his eyes fell on you now, there was certainly warmth in them.

"Y/N!" He closed the distance between you and pulled you into a hug.

_A hug._

_Never in a million years had you expected your brother to hug you._

"I'm glad you're alright, darling. I was so happy when dad told me you were coming, it's been a rather difficult time for all of us."

He let you go and looked you over.

"You look lovely."

"She does. It actually borders on a miracle." Your sister pushed past your brother and pressed a kiss on your cheek.

"Hi Hope. Nice to see you too." You countered.

"I'm glad you could make it, little odd bod. Looks like the ugly little duckling finally turned into a swan."

The tone of her voice hardly betrayed it, but her gaze held affection. 

And _of course_ , she would call you by one of your childhood nicknames.

_Odd bod. Loon. Baa-baa._

"Baa baa black sheep" would have been her favourite song to sing to you, since you were the "black sheep of the family" and she never missed an opportunity to point it out.

"How - how have you been?" Scott asked with sincere interest.

"Ok, thanks." 

_I mean, what could you really reply to a standard question like that when you hadn't seen each other for such a long time?_

Scott must have realised that the question was an odd one to ask and it made you feel awkward.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't reach you about mum." He said in an effort to keep the conversation flowing and make you more comfortable. "I even sent someone out to go to your house."

"Yes, dad told me."

"She asked about you a lot during those last weeks."

"Did she?"

You felt tears well up in your eyes again. 

Scott took your hand in his, and the gentle gesture surprised you. Maybe they had missed you more than you had thought.

"She wanted to see you, but when we couldn't find you. She was - terrified that something happened to you. She kept calling you her baby. And that she should have looked after you better. That she should have allowed you to study art, so that you wouldn't have run away."

Tears rolled down your cheeks now and your heart contracted painfully.

"I wanted to come back and see her, I just - I just wasn't ready yet."

"Shh." He pulled you into another embrace and hushed you. "I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad. I wanted you to know that she was aware you never felt at home here, and that she felt sorry for making you feel that way. Those last weeks with her really opened my eyes, Y/N. I'm sorry I've been such an ass most of the time."

You couldn't believe his words. 

"I'll try and be a better brother, ok? I'll try."

Your fingers dug into the fabric of his suit as you cried against his shoulder. 

"Guess, we're not quite as cold-hearted as you thought us to be, baa-baa." You felt your sister's hand on your shoulder.

_This felt good. It felt really good._

_***_

The ceremony was long and arduously official, even though you had a brief moment of soulfulness when you placed your mum's urn into the ground and covered it with flowers and soil, the constant presence of the media and hundreds of people watching you, irritated you. 

_Why did this intimate moment have to be shared with the public?_

Because that was what your family was about. Public appearance. 

Only now you realised that even back in Liechtenstein, your family had been in the limelight constantly. And you had never felt comfortable with it. Ever.

After the ceremony, the crowd dissolved and only about a hundred guests stayed behind to join the meal. Some tables were set outside, in the garden, others in the huge dining area and lounge inside the house. You were following Scott inside, when somebody touched your arm and spoke your name.

"Y/N? Is that really you?" His voice sounded almost shocked.

You were sure, he was not as shocked as you were when you turned around to see who it was.

"Clint?" 

To your surprise, he pulled you into a tight embrace, holding you for a long moment before he let you go. 

"That's a welcome surprise, considering the circumstances." He said.

Good god, what do you say to the man you were meant to marry, and who you had stood up by disappearing right after your engagement?

"How - how are you?"

"I'm good. And you?"

You nodded, feeling awkward. 

"Look, Clint. I know it wasn't fair on you to just -" 

"Disappear? Run away? Stand me up?"

To your surprise, he smiled kindly while he spoke the words, but you must have looked shocked, because he quickly added,

"I harbour no bad feeling towards you, because it all turned out for the best, even though, back then, it broke my heart, you know. I really liked you."

"I liked you too."

"Yeah, just not quite enough, I guess."

"I'm so sorry, Clint. I just couldn't stand the control any longer. I was trying so hard to please my family, but I was so unhappy and I couldn't do it anymore." You blurted out and he considered you with a long gaze.

"You know, you actually did me a favour by not marrying me."

"I did?"

"You made me think. About my life, my future. I was doing the same thing, right? Following family traditions. I never really asked myself if I actually _loved_ you." He paused. "Or if you loved me."

You frowned. You had always thought of him as a nice guy, but he was a much better person than you had given him credit for.

"It broke my heart that you left without a word, but I admit, I was also impressed. It takes a lot of courage to do that. And it inspired me to find my own way. When I met a wonderful woman, who absolutely didn't meet my family's expectations, I married her anyway. We live in a house in the countryside with our three kids. Crazy little fellows. I love my little family, and, I guess, I have you to thank for that."

Your lips parted but no words came. Instead a tear slid down your cheek.

_Would you ever stop crying today?_

"Thank you, Clint." 

You leaned forward and hugged him, and he wrapped his arms around you.

"I guess, I owe you, Y/N. If you ever need a champion archer, let me know. I'm still the best - at least in the Northern Hemisphere." 

You chuckled.

"Maybe I'll take you up on that offer one day, Hawkeye."

The two of you let go of each other and Clint grinned.

"You still remember my nickname, that's neat."

"I doubt I'll ever forget anything about you. You were the only nice and normal person I encountered in my teens."

"Well, I take that as a compliment."

"You should ... and I would love to meet your family one day."

"I'm sure Laura would love to meet the girl who stood me up, since you were kind of the reason I ended up marrying her."

"And you have three children?"

As much as your heart felt happy for Clint, you could not help but think of Loki, who had not been so lucky with his little family.

But you forcefully pushed the thought of Loki's family away. It would only make you burst into tears again. Right now you wanted to focus on Clint. Keep your mind on one thing - and not think about Loki's past.

Or about Loki, full stop.

Or that he asked you to go back to New York without him.

_Focus on Clint._

"Cooper, Lila and Nathaniel."

"That's your kids?"

Clint nodded, fatherly pride colouring his features.

"Nathaniel? That's an unusual name."

"It's the masculine version of Natasha. We named him after a friend."

"I have a friend called Natasha too." You mused.

"Well, our Nat's a badass, that's why Laura likes her so much. Nat's still pissed that Nathaniel is a boy, not a girl. She called him a traitor when he was still in his Laura's belly."

That made you giggle. You imagined the Natasha you knew would have done the same. It seemed that Natashas shared similar traits. 

Scott calling your name caught both of your attention.

"You're needed inside, I guess. Hope to see you again soon Y/N."

"Me too. It was good to see you, Clint, and I'm happy for you and your family. I'm happy, you're happy."

"I never go to ask about you. What you have been doing all those years."

"Another time." You smiled, pulled out your phone and held it out to him. "Can I get your number?"

He grinned.

"Sure can."

 

The rest of the afternoon was spent eating and talking - and people, you had no idea who they were, offering their condolences.

You noticed quite a few guests who cast you surreptitious glances as they whispered to each other, but did your best to ignore it. 

At some point Scott settled next to you on the couch. 

"I can tell you're not feeling comfortable here. The driver can take you back to London any time."

 _Take you back?_  

The thought immediately knotted your stomach, as the realisation hit you, that you would not be going back to see Loki. 

"Dad said you were visiting a friend. Where are you staying?"

"I was visiting a friend at the hospital."

_A friend, right._

"Anything serious?"

The sincere concern in Scott's voice touched your heart.

"He had an allergic reaction and - almost died."

 

"Is he - a _close_ friend?"

"Close enough."

If you were honest, all you wanted right now, was to go back and spent the rest of the evening rolled up against Loki's side.

Feel his warmth. Feel his breath fanning over your skin. Feel his arms around you.

You leaned forward, placing your hand on your forehead and glanced down at your shoes. 

"Is he going to be alright?" Scott asked carefully.

_He's in the best hands. He's got Stephen Strange to look after him. And his mum and dad._

_He's got plenty of people_ fussing _over him._

Doubt begin to stir in your mind. 

_What if you really had been too clingy? What if Loki had sent you away?_

_Why had you left without questioning him?_

_You had sat at his bedside for almost two days, praying and waiting for him to wake up, for crying out loud._

_How was it that you so willingly surrendered to him sending you off? A few days ago, you wouldn't have done that. You would have asked him to tell you the truth. Why had you not pushed him?_

Because he had just woken from a coma and you merely wanted what was best for him - and because you were on your way to your mother's funeral - and because you were about to meet your family who you hadn't seen in years.

And all this was very unsettling.

"Y/N?" 

_And why did your brother have to be so nice all of a sudden? Like a real brother?_

A tear slipped down to the tip of your nose, from where it fell. Leaving a dark spot on the Persian rug under your feet. 

_You were so sick of crying._

"It's complicated." You whispered.

"So, are you close? The two of you?"

You nodded. Scotts hand gently rubbed your back and his tone was soft as he spoke.

"Look, we really appreciate you came and I hope we will see more of you in the future, but don't feel like you have to stay. All this must be somewhat of a shock to you anyway. Back in the family after all this time. You have your own life now. So why don't you go back and be with him?"

_Because he asked you to stay away?_

_Because he sent you away._

The words tore at your heart. 

_Just trust him. He loves you. He must have had a reason. He would never hurt you._

_But ... a_ _fter all you had been through together, didn't you deserve to know why?_

_Why wouldn't he be honest with you?_

"I love him."

You heard yourself say without even realising you had spoken the words.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

You glanced up at your brother, then you pressed your lips together and shook your head.

Scott nodded, rose to his feet and held out his hand to help you up. 

"Come on, Y/N. You look miserable. Go find father and Hope to say goodbye. Meet me outside in the drive way, I'll get Jim to drive you back."

 

***

  

“Loki?”

“What are you still doing here?”

His voice was strained. His ocean water eyes looking at you with the same pained expression you had seen in the morning.

“We need to talk. I want to know why you - why you asked me to leave.”

Loki looked away, staring out of the window without saying anything for a long time. When he turned his face back towards you, his eyes had turned to frozen glacier pools.

“I tried to do this the gentle way, but the truth is – I do not want you to stay.”

“I know, you said I should go spend some time with my family, but--”

“No. You do not _listen_. I mean, I do not want you stay – with _me_.”

He carefully pronounced each word and held your gaze as if to make sure you were taking in his words.

_You weren't._

“What do you mean?”

“I want you to leave me.”

“W-what?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“I do not want you anymore, is that - is that so hard to understand?”

His words hit you like bullets, tearing holes in your already fragile composure.

“Loki, if this is about your sickness, we can talk -”

“You are so damn clingy, girl, it's too much having you here day and night, never giving me a break. It _suffocates_ me.”

_What?_

“Ok, I – I can give you space.”

“Then why can't you just - _leave_?”

You stared at him and he raised his eyes to return your confused gaze with an icy one.

"Just leave. Me. Alone."

You felt as though you were punched in the stomach as the perfect picture of your safe world started to crack. 

_Nonono, this was Loki. He loved you. You loved him._

_He had a reason for doing this. He must have a reason._

_Right? He wouldn't hurt you._

“Loki - why - why are you doing this?”

Loki took a deep breath. 

“Because this” he gestured between the two of you. "was a mistake. I realised that when I woke up and found you at my bedside. Frankly, I do not understand what I ever saw in you.”

You shook your head in denial.

_He loves you. He has a reason for doing this. He has a reason for hurting you._

_He loves you. He … he's hurting you._

Your lip quivered and your voice was thin.

“Why are you doing this?”

Loki rubbed his face.

“Gods, woman. Are you really that _daft_?" The coldness in his gaze stabbed you in the heart like an icicle. 

"Loki ... please."

"Did you really believe I loved you? _Did you? Are you that naive?_ ”

_This wasn't the man who you had spent two days with at his parents house._

_This wasn't even your arrogant asshole boss._

_You weren't sure who this was ... you weren't sure about anything anymore..._

“What - I - why are you - Loki ...”

He turned his gaze out the window.

“Please, Loki, don't do this.” You whispered. 

“Don't do what?”

“Don't do this. It – it hurts.”

“Frankly, darling, I could not care less.”

You flinched when there was a knock on the door.

It opened and a tall red-head popped her head in.

“Loki?” To your horror, a genuine smile spread on his face when he turned his head towards her.

“Hey, baby.”  He purred.

_What the hell?_

The woman hesitated briefly when she saw you and nodded a greeting in your direction, before she entered and walked over to Loki's bed. She moved gracefully, her fiery hair flowing loosely down to her hips. 

“Frigga called me and told me you were in hospital. What happened?”

You watched as the woman leaned down towards him and Loki threaded his fingers through her hair before he pressed his lips on hers, pulling her into a kiss, visibly pushing his tongue into her mouth.

It made her giggle.

It made you nauseaous.

“I missed you, baby.” Loki said, cupping her face.

Your world shattered into countless sharp shards that pierced your very soul.

You frantically tried to find an explanation. Tried to wake yourself from this nightmare as you searched his face, his eyes, for anything that would betray that this wasn't real. But the only thing you found on his face was a look of genuine affection as he glanced up at the woman by his bedside.

You saw it in his eyes. The warmth they held when he looked at her.

“I can tell you missed me, bad boy.” She smiled. “So, what happened?”

You were unable to move. Merely stood frozen and watched the scene unfold before you.

“Allergic reaction.” Loki said casually.

“But I heard you were in a coma for two days.”

“An immune reaction. Nothing serious.”

Your heart dropped as you watched her lean forward and place a kiss on Loki's forehead.

“You need to learn to look after yourself, ok?”

Somehow they both seemed to have forgotten that you were there, when the red-head suddenly glanced over to where you were standing.

"I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself." She offered apologetically. 

“That's my assistant. She was - about to leave." Loki said in his velvet voice, as he ran his hand over the woman's thigh and looked at you. 

"Weren't you? Going to leave?"

You swallowed hard. Completely and utterly shocked and unable to say anything. 

The woman turned her attention back to Loki, while his icy blue eyes held your gaze with a cold glare.

“Can I get you anything, honey?” You heard her ask, unable to tear your eyes away from Loki's.

"I would appreciate a cup of tea. They have a good one in the cafe downstairs. Thank you, love.”

“You haven't called me that in a while. I'll be right back."

She chuckled softly as she rose and left the room, giving you a friendly nod.

It felt as though your chest was ripped open and your heart torn out.

This was the man you loved.

The man who had claimed to love you.

The man you had spent day and night with, terrified that you might lose him. 

Who you had thought would never do anything to hurt you.

The same man had just ripped you to bloody shreds. Within the space of a few minutes.

“Why, Loki?” was all you could choke out.

“Why don't do us both a favour and leave.”

He exhaled sharply.

_Could you have been so wrong about somebody?_

_Could his family have been so wrong about him?_

“Loki - please, don't. Don't push me away. Wasn't this what you were afraid of? That you would hurt me like you hurt your wife?”

You weren't sure where those words suddenly came from.

"What?"

"Frigga told me about your wife - your - your family."

For a brief moment Loki's face contorted in pain, before it settled into a stony mask.

“Leave. _Now_."

You didn't move.

"LEAVE!” He yelled and you flinched. “You know NOTHING about me!  _NOTHING_! I don't EVER want to see that face of yours again, woman!”

His words sliced through you like a sword. Slicing straight through your soul.

You were surprised that the tears were not gushing out of your eyes yet.

_The shock. Must be the shock._

Loki turned away from you.

And you took a step back, then another, and another until you were at the door.

_Please say you didn't mean this. Please._

_Please, please. Loki, please._

Your hand hovered on the door knob.

“I do not want to see you again. _Ever_. And I am not going to change my mind.” He said coldly without looking at you. 

The world became completely still around you. As though time was slowing down. Your eyes fell on your travel bag next to the door and you grabbed it, before you opened the door and walked out of Loki's room. You numbly walked down the brightly lit corridor, ignoring the nurses that greeted you.

When you stepped out of the building into the warm summer evening, you could not feel the mild breeze or the peace that settled over the city. You started walking. 

Your thoughts had completely stilled, and it felt as though your being had been drained. You were completely empty. 

You weren't sure how long you had been walking until it finally sank in.

_This was it._

Loki didn't want you anymore.

Just like that.

You could not understand it, but he did not want you anymore. 

Had found somebody else.

The memories of Loki kissing the red-head finally triggered your tears.

With a pained sob you pressed your hand against your mouth and finally the tears spilled out of your eyes. The world became a haze around you. 

He had made you believe that he loved you.

How could he have tricked you in such a malicious way?

How could his heart be so cold?

You felt like curling up into a ball right here on the sidewalk. 

You wiped the tears off your cheeks.

You needed to get away. Away from here. Away from him.

The next thing you remembered was standing at the ticket counter at Heathrow airport, handing over the company credit card to pay for your flight back to New York.

Two hours later you sat on a plane, watching the rows of London's houses disappear underneath a blanket of thick grey clouds.

The past weeks seemed like a dream. Everything suddenly seemed like a dream.

You had just been rudely awoken to reality.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry .... I promise I'll make up for it somehow - someday....


	42. The road to hell is paved with good intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh. Wow! 
> 
> Is all I can say about the reactions to the last chapter! The flood of comments has been slightly overwhelming and I haven't been able to respond to them all - sorry - however, each and every one was very much appreciated and inspiring in various ways.
> 
> I really did not expect this chapter to rouse such an outrage, but I feel humbled and honoured it did. - Thank you!!!
> 
> Anyway, let's see what transpires .... and if and how Loki will be able to redeem himself...  
> PS: won't get to proof this for another day, so (as always) be lenient :)

_It's like I can't breathe_  
_It's like I can't see anything_  
_Nothing but you_  
_I'm addicted to you_  
_It's like I can't think_  
_Without you interrupting me_  
_In my thoughts_  
_In my dreams_

_~Kelly Clarkson, addicted_

 

It had been a week since you arrived back in New York.

You had come home, and the first thing you had done was switch off your phone and withdraw to your bedroom. You slept for thirteen hours, and after you woke to the realisation that all this had _not_ merely been a dream, but you truly were back in your flat in New York - by yourself - you had cried yourself back to sleep. 

But sleep was not a promising means of escape either, because soon your dreams where invaded by a certain dark haired god who cradled you gently in his arms or kissed you with such urgency that you woke up panting his name. More than one time you woke with a painful need between your legs after Loki had pretty much ravished you in your dream. 

You hated it.

He had already taken over your thoughts during your waking hours, why did he have to torment you in your dreams as well?

And it confused you how beautiful, sweet and seductive he was in your dreams. It was as though the unconscious part of your mind refused to accept the fact that he had hurt you.

He had made you leave him in the most cruel way.

Maybe that fact was the most painful. The knowledge that it was _you_ who had left _him_. It made it all the more humiliating.

The first few days back home you spent in a daze. You basically only left the bed to go to the bathroom and get some water from the kitchen. You did not feel like eating for two days, because your stomach was too sensitive and your mood too self-destructive. When you finally got hungry, you ordered take aways from the Latin place down the road.

He wasn't worth tormenting yourself like this. He wasn't worth inflicting more pain on you than you already had to deal with.

And yet, it felt like you had lost your hope. Lost that precious feeling that gave meaning to your life. 

On the fourth day, you switched on the phone. You transferred the contacts to your own phone and set the company phone back on factory settings. You slipped the phone and the credit card into an envelope and addressed it to Hela, before you sealed it and called a courier to pick it up and deliver it to the Odinson tower.

_That was it. Get rid of the traces. Cut the ties._

Your fingers came to a rest on the tear drop shaped stone around your neck. 

For some reason you had not been able to take it off. As much as you wanted to get rid of it, it seemed to soothe you. 

 _Silly girl. Still so hopelessly romantic. Still such a d_ _reamer._

Maybe you were. Maybe you were too gentle. Too soft. Too optimistic. Too nice. Too naive.

But that was - _you_.

You wouldn't change overnight and turn into a raging Amazon warrior. You couldn't suddenly hate someone you loved so deeply.

And what else was hate than the deep need to love?

Although you were bewildered, why you felt so numb. Unable to even be angry with him. 

_Because he ripped you apart._

Your phone chimed and you flinched. 

It was a message from Scott.

_SCOTT: Hey, baby sister, here is your wayward brother. How is your friend? Are you still in London?_

You stared at the phone for a moment before you pressed the off button and waited until the screen went black.

Tears were rolling down your cheeks.

Dropping the phone on the couch you retreated back to your bedroom.

On day five, you pulled out your phone and rang the gallery in Manhattan that displayed some of your artwork for sale. You offered them another one of your paintings, and arranged for it to be picked up. 

After you had called them you pulled the blankets and towels off the canvas to reveal the beautiful dark features of the god with the ocean-blue eyes. The oversize portrait of the God of Mischief - or rather the God of Terrible Deception.

Your heart contracted painfully.

_Why'd you take the covers off, silly girl?_

There was a reason you had covered the painting - so that you wouldn't have to see him when you walked through the open plan living area into your kitchen.

_So that you wouldn't start crying every time you walked through the open plan living area into your kitchen._

However, now that you had removed the covers and faced your nemesis, the tears did not come. There was only a deep grief. 

Your fingers gingerly ran over the surface of the dry paint.

"I wish I could hate you." You whispered. 

_But you couldn't._

As much as you wanted to hate the raven-haired devil with the silver tongue, all you could do was miss him.

And you hated yourself for that. 

_Well, in about an hour, you would not have to look at him anymore._

_You would never have to see his face again._

The thought stabbed your chest.

Loki. God of Mischief and Lies.  _How befitting._

_"Better not ask him for favours."_

The words popped into your mind as you put one of the towels back to cover up Loki's face.

_"Why not?"_

_"He has a tendency to destroy our illusions. And I would not want him to destroy _yours,_ since you are still deluded by your innocence into thinking that I am a good person, when I am not." _

Your heart clenched as you remembered Loki's words. Well, Loki had surely destroyed that illusion. 

_Or had he?_

_Why? Why had he said the things he'd said?_

How could he have deceived you into thinking he loved you? That he cared for you?

_Because he hadn't deceived you. Because he did care for you._

Somewhere deep down you knew that whatever Loki had said and done during the few days you had spent together at his mother's place had been the truth.

There was no way he could have faked that look in his eyes or the gentleness of his touch. Or the tears he had cried that night, after you had tied him up.

No. He cared for you.

Or at least he _had_ cared. 

That Loki, who you had grown to love. _That_ Loki had cared.

But to rip you to shreds and hurt you like he had done - that took another side of him. A cold, heartless monster. 

And then, hadn't you told him that you would be willing to accept him as he was?

_Easy to say when you weren't facing the devil in his wildest, most vicious form._

Loki had confronted you with all the things that terrified you. All the things he _knew_ would hurt you. 

You were almost certain that he had deliberately hurt you, you just could not figure out - _why_?

_If he had cared then why had he done this?_

_And that woman? Where the hell had she come from?_

The way he looked at her. You would never forget that tender affection in his eyes, when he looked at her. 

Maybe you had been too proud.

You had thought that you could 'save' him. Comfort him. Thought you could love him. And he would love you back. 

_Maybe he wasn't capable of love?_

_Had he not warned you about this countless times?_

_Why did you still yearn for him?_

Because that monster wasn't him. Wasn't _your_ Loki. 

Because you were a silly, naive person who believed in good more than evil. 

And if you hadn't spent those two days with him, held him, felt him - if you hadn't fallen for him with such complete and utter abandon - you may be able to see what he wanted you to see - a reckless, heartless monster.

You wanted to hold him so badly. But you knew that even the wish was suicidal. Because all he would do would be ripping you apart. 

And you had no idea why. Why he wanted to hurt you.

You sank down on your knees and cried.

You should forget him.

Hate him.

Get over him.

Get away.

Get away from here. From him.

Somewhere safe.

 

 ***

You had arrived back on Sunday, and now a week had passed and the pain had not lessened.

You were sitting on your couch in the living room, staring out the window watching the branches of the trees sway gently in the afternoon breeze.

Your doorbell rang. You ignored it.

It rang again. You stood to fetch a glass of water, before you settled back on the couch.

After five more times, there was a loud knock.

“Y/N? I know you're in there. Open up.” 

_Shit. It was Tony._

You buried your face in your hands. You did not want to see anyone. Or speak to anyone.

You had sent Tony a message, apologising for not being able to make it for dinner because you had fallen sick. 

Whatever reason would he have to come out here?

“I know you're in there, Frida.”

There was another knock, then silence.

You waited. Maybe he had gone.

The knock came again.

“Come on, open the door."

_Go away. Just go away, Tony._

"I know what happened. I know - I know he hurt you.”

The words sent a jolt of pain through your entire being. 

You stood and walked to the front door, placing your hand flat against the cool surface.

"Go away, Tony." You were startled by the croakiness in your voice.

"Open the door, Y/N."

"I don't want to talk and I don't want to see anyone."

"How long have you been hiding in there? A week? When did you get back?"

You did not answer.

"How long are you _planning_ on hiding?"

_As long as I want to._

"Come on, girl, talk to me at least."

Tony slammed his hand against the door.

"What did the fucking bastard do?" 

You bit your lip. And took a step back from the door.

“Y/N, I don't wanna scare you, but if you do not open this door by the time I count of five, I will just kick it in."

You took another step back.

"One – two - three - four -"

"Wait!"

You fiddled with the locks and opened the door.

Tony looked upset. When he took in your appearance, he sighed.

“You look terrible, darling.”

You felt your lip quiver, but before you allowed yourself to be reduced to a mindlessly sobbing mess, you leaned into Tony's chest and he embraced you in a tight hug.

"You scared me for a moment there, Frida." He whispered and rubbed your back. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna ask you how you are, because it's plain as day. I just needed to check on you, since I feel partly responsible for this."

He let you pull away a bit.

"And I'm not usually taking responsibility for other people's problems."

You let go and stepped aside to let him in. Tony walked into your living area and glanced around. 

"Holy mother of god, and I thought I was a pig!"

The place was a mess, you were aware. Half empty take away containers and glasses and cups were scattered around the room. As was some of your artwork and laundry.

You didn't even have the energy to feel embarrassed about it.

"Well, I guess you have an excuse." Tony offered you a grim look and pulled out his phone. "Tell you what, you go and take a shower and I'll organise the cleaners to spruce up the place, while we are going out for dinner."

"Tony - I don't - I -"

Tony held up a finger.

"Ah, ah. You opened the door for me, now you have to deal with the consequences. _And_ you _lied_ to me - you _owe me_ dinner."

"W- when did I lie to you?"

"You told me you were sick."

"I am. Kind of."

Tony narrowed his eyes at you.

"Shower."

He had already put the phone to his ear, speaking to a cleaning company. 

_Invasive._

_Dominant._

_And overly caring._

You couldn't help feeling better now that he was here. 

Tony, turned towards you and winked, as he gave the company your address. When you were still not moving but merely standing there, watching him, he made a dismissive gesture with his hand to shoo you away.

The shower felt good. You stood under the spray of water for a while. Lathering your hair and body. When you emerged you felt a lot more alive. You slipped into a pair of jeans, pulled on a grey hoodie. Tony was on the couch waiting when you walked into the lounge.

He gave you a quick once over and frowned.

"Hm, should have worn my Black Sabbath t-shirt. Guess I'm a little overdressed."

"Don't take me anywhere fancy." You warned and he shook his head. 

"Somewhere that will take your mind off things for a while. I think that's what you need."

"Somewhere beautiful." You said without thinking.

"I think I know the perfect place." He pulled his phone out again. "Yes, Tony Stark here. I would like to book your garden. For like - three hours? Yes, I realise it is short notice, but I won't need it for another hour or so. I dare say that would give diners there enough time to finish their meals and leave? - Yes, an hour and a half would work for me. Thank you. Name is Stark. Yes,  _Tony_ Stark."

"Shaken, not stirred." He muttered as he hung up. You stared at him. 

"Don't look at me like that."

"Did you just book a garden? Where are we going?"

"Milk and Roses. You will like the place, they have a lovely garden out the back. I just made sure, we are dining there in peace. Thought you'd prefer that."

You nodded. You weren't up to being amongst people.

"The cleaners will be here in half an hour. Walk on the beach?"

_Gees. Had he always been like that or did he just seem way more intense than usual, because you were so dulled down?_

You shrugged.

"Walk on the beach is fine with me."

Both of you pulled off your shoes as you sauntered down to the water. It was a slightly overcast afternoon with a breeze blowing up from the ocean. 

You were glad Thor was not back from his trip yet. As much as you loved your buddy, seeing Loki's brother was the last thing you wanted right now. It upset you. The fact that you would always think of Loki now when you saw Thor. You wanted Thor back. Without Loki.

Tony and you walked for a long time without talking. You had not been out of the house for a week and walking under the sky, breathing in the fresh ocean breeze, feeling the sand under your feet and the cold water around your ankles felt rather soothing. Grounding. 

"How did you find out?"

"Hela. I had expected you to join her and Loki at the party last night."

_Oh, god, you had forgotten about the party. Loki had mentioned it to you before he ..._

"Was - was Loki there as well?"

"Hell no. Hela was by herself. If Lucifer had been there, I may have taken a leaf out of his own book and thrown him through the window of the penthouse. 92 floors down - no pool. Would have certainly landed me in prison, even with Hela Odinson as my lawyer."

You knew he was trying to make light of it, but you couldn't smile - or laugh. Tony sighed.

"When Hela showed up by herself, I asked her if you guys were still in London. And then, well, she told me that you had returned to New York by yourself. She didn't say much else. Apart from that you may need support. That's when I knew that the son of a bitch had done something stupid."

You stared at the waves. 

_So, Hela knew._

"I'm just not quite ready." You said watching the water swirl around your feet as you walked.

"For what?"

"Talk about what happened?"

"Hm."

You put your hood up and your hands in the pockets of the jumper.

"I feel like leaving. New York, I mean. Go somewhere, start new. It seems like the logical thing to do, because it's - it's hard to stay here - especially  with Thor around."

"Thor?"

"We used to be close friends. Now it's going to be awkward to say the least."

Tony did not say anything.

"The thing is. I've only _ever_ ran away when I can't handle things. And -"

You broke off.

"And?" Tony nudged carefully.

"I thought I finally found a place I could call home." You shook your head and kicked the water with your foot. "I'm just not - I'm not a strong person. If I just wasn't that pathetic and weak."

Tony sniggered.

"Define strong?"

"You know what I mean. Shouldn't I be angry? Shouldn't I want him to come crawling back and beg my forgiveness? Shouldn't I - at least _hate_ him?"

"Well, what do you _want_?"

"I just want to - I want to -" You swallowed. "Have him back." You whispered. 

Tony carefully put an arm around your shoulder and tugged you against him as you walked. 

"I'm sorry."

"I'm just not tough enough. I still love him. And it's stupid, I know. All I do is hide or run away - but then - to be honest - maybe I don't _want_ to be tough - I don't want to hate him. That's not me. I don't want to be bitter and resentful. I just wish I was a bit stronger, though. To get over it."

"You know, _strong_ doesn't necessarily equal _tough_. Some of the strongest materials on this planet aren't 'tough'. They're flexible structures, not rigid ones. The stability of the molecular structure of something depends on the bonding of the chemical elements - and the strength of a chemical bond is measured by how much energy it takes to _break_ it. You, my friend, are _not_ weak. Just different."

"But it seems that _bond_ I have is not a healthy one. And it seems to take a lot of energy to break it."

"Which just confirms my theory that he's a bloody idiot." 

"Why can't I have a little more backbone?"

Tony laughed. 

"Girl, if you wouldn't have back bone, I wouldn't be taking you out to dinner. And Lucifer wouldn't have tried to get into your pants" He cleared his throat. "To have backbone is to be authentic, no matter what situation you're in. No matter what shit life throws on you. You don't pretend to be someone you're not. That's why we're drawn to you. You have something all of us envy you for."

You looked at him.

"And what would that be?"

"Ingenuousness and faith that there's good in the world. You _care_."

"And look where that's gotten me."

"You have heart. Having a heart doesn't make you weak. _NOT_  wishing for that asshole to come crawling back to you - on his knees - and beg for your forgiveness - like he _should_! - doesn't make you weak. It makes you compassionate. Far too compassionate for your own good though."

He let out a breath.

"Having said all that - you do need to learn to protect yourself, so that you won't get hurt. And he certainly doesn't deserve the amount of compassion you have for him."

"I think he had a reason for hurting me."

"Yeah. He's an idiot. That's the reason."

"Do you - do you think he could have faked it all?"

"Faked what?"

"That he - that he was in love with me?"

"Is that what he said?" He looked at you with an intense glare in his eyes, that made you feel that Loki had just earned himself another enemy. "Son of a bitch. He told you that? He really doesn't deserve you."

You could feel tears pricking your eyes.

"I should just forget him."

"The only thing you _should_ do right now, is hang out with a friend for a few hours, be in good company, tell me about your artwork and enjoy some good food."

You leaned in against his shoulder.

"Thanks, Tony. For coming out. I'm glad you did."

"See? That's what I mean. You're pretty much the only person on this planet who would actually be _glad_ to see me."

"Don't be silly."

"I'm not silly, I'm Tony Stark - unrecognised genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist."

You smiled.

"Evil scientist - and friend - who's trying to fix me."

"I'm a mechanic, darling. I fix things."

  

***

Third person POV (here we go!)

 

“Damn, Loki! You're such an idiot!”

Loki looked up to glare at Thor, who had just burst into Hela's office without knocking.

“Do you ever care to announce your presence in a civilised way, brother?” There was a cold smugness to his tone.

“To hell with civilised.” Thor boomed.

Now Hela glared at him too.

“I'm going to kill you for this – little brother or not.” He stormed straight up to Loki, coming to a halt right in front of him, his face about an inch from his brother's.

Thor's eyes were glowing with rage, practically striking lightening, his chest was heaving and Loki noticed the veins on Thor's neck were protruding.

Thor was positively pissed.

Loki took a careful step back while he shot Thor a cold glare.

“Get in line, brother.” Loki purred arrogantly and Thor stooped forward to grab him by the collar of his shirt.

“Thor!” Hela's voice was cold as ice, but it seemed to break through Thor's rage, as the blonde surf god glared at Loki for another moment, before he let him go to turn to his sister, his finger pointing at Loki.

“Have you got any idea what this little critter has done?!”

“I believe I do. And it is very unfortunate.”

“ _Unfortunate_?! He broke the girl's heart.”

“Better than taking her life, is it not?” Loki muttered fixing his shirt.

“You dare to joke about this, Loki?” Thor turned towards him again and Loki raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. He had actually never experienced Thor this angry and considered it wise to treat him with caution.

“While it is endearing how much you care about mygirlfriend, it's actually none of your business." He offered smoothly.

“You cold blooded little snake! Do you know what you've done to her? Do you have any idea how much she suffers? Don't you have a heart in there?” Thor's finger was poking into Loki's chest and in this moment, all caution was thrown to the wind. While his little brother did not betray even an iota of feeling on his face, his voice was spitting poison when he spoke.

"Why don't you go and comfort her then? Isn't that what you've done so well before? You've been dying to fuck her, haven't you? Well, lucky for you, she's free now.”

That did it for Thor. He lunged forward and punched Loki hard in the face. So hard that his little brother staggered back and landed on the couch behind him.

“THOR, ENOUGH!”

Hela roared.

Then she rubbed her hands over her face.

_Gods, this was getting out of hand._

Loki blinked up at Thor, his eyes flooded with incredulity as he held his hand to his nose, a large crimson stain blossoming on his white dress shirt as blood started to pour down on it.

“Damn it, Thor, you broke his nose.”

"I'm _not_ going to apologise to him. He deserves it."

Thor merely growled, still glaring at Loki. 

Hela moved over to put her arm around Loki, but shook his head.

“No. He's right. I – I deserved that.”

Thor grumbled something that sounded like ' _sorry'_ , while he grabbed a box of tissues from Hela's desk and handed it to his younger brother.

“You're such an idiot, Loki.”

“Then tell me, if you are so much wiser, what should I have done, Thor?” Loki hissed as he pushed the tissue to his nose.

“You know well what you should have done. You're not a fool.” Thor's voice was calm now. 

“Ask her to marry me? And then, what? Live with the fear that she could die at the hands of any insane maniac who holds a grudge against me?”

“She hasn't died, Loki.”

“Not yet.”

“What are you saying, brother? Why would she ever get into such a situation?”

“Because we are _certain_ that somebody slipped something in my drink at the gala in London. Somebody attempted to harm me on purpose."

Thor stared at him.

"It was an attempt on your life?"

"It looks like that, yes." He pulled another tissue from the box. "She will never be safe around me. If anybody wishes to hurt me - the easiest way would go through her.”

Loki's huffed, and his eyes glinted dangerously at the thought. If he had expected any sympathy from his brother, he found none. Thor merely crossed his arms over his chest.

“Oh, and you probably think it heroic to keep her from harm by ruining her life, don't you? You think you did it to keep her safe? Because you _love_ her? You do _not_ love her, Loki, you just did it to spare _yourself_ the pain of losing her. You are _nothing_ but _selfish_!”

Loki blinked, his gaze wavering. 

“You are right, I'm selfish." He dropped his gaze to the floor. "I cannot - I cannot go through this again. It ripped me apart the first time, I am not going to lose someone I love again and know that it was my fault they died." His eyes snapped up to Thor, gaze suddenly ablaze with anger and pain. _"MY FAULT, Thor!_  Has it ever occurred to you _how that feels_? When innocent people, people you love, die _because_ of _YOU?”_

“Loki -” Thor rubbed the back of his neck, unsure what to say. It had never occurred to him that Loki was scared.

No, his little brother was _terrified_. And Thor had to admit that after what happened to his children, Loki had every reason to be.

“I have learnt to live with it." Loki said, his voice choking. "But I am not willing to  _ever_  go through this again. And I refuse to put anyone at risk to suffer or die on my behalf - _again_.”

Loki turned away, his chest heaving. He took a deep breath through his mouth as his nose was blocked. And while part of him was furious, his eyes filled with tears, because he felt so helpless. Completely and utterly helpless.

He hated feeling helpless.

When he glanced up at Thor, he could see the pity in his gaze. 

"I don't need your pity, Thor." He spat. 

"You could have told her. Explained it to her."

"Explained to her that she needed to leave me? You know her! She would have never agreed to that."

"But to break her -"

“Do you think I do not blame myself for hurting her? Do you think I do not hate myself for it?”

Thor watched wordlessly as Loki's tears mixed with the blood still dripping from his face.

“But - what is a heart-break compared to a life? She will hurt, she will hate me, and she will eventually forget me. But - she will be _alive_. She will be _safe_. That - is _all_ I care for. And yes, if this is selfish, then I am happy to be selfish.”

He pressed a tissue against his nose and two fingers into the corners of his eyes in an attempt to stop the tears from flowing.

“And apart from that, what can she really expect from living with me? According to the doctors it was a miracle I even regained consciousness at all.”

“She would be prepared to share her life with you, despite knowing that.”

“And what life would I be able to offer her?" Loki sniggered. "What a wonderful life, knowing that the person you love could be taken from you any moment.”

“That is normal, Loki. We never know what will happen. You would do the same for her. I know you would.”

Loki looked down at the bloody tissue in his hand and nodded.

"I know, it would have never given me reason to hurt her. But this -"

Then he shook his head.

“I just can't.”

“Can't what?” Thor asked.

“Can't do this to her. And I - I can't lose her.”

"You've already lost her, Loki."

But Loki shook his head.

"She is alive. Don't you understand? She. Is. Alive. It is my responsibility to keep her safe."

“She loves you.”

“She will learn to hate me.”

“Loki. Brother. Listen to you. Is this _really_ what you want? That she _hates_ you?”

His younger brother shook his head, then Loki slumped down onto the couch and finally broke. Sobbing pitifully as he put his head into his hands.

“Well done, Thor.” Hela shot him a glance and settled next to Loki, placing her arm around him.

“It is not the right way of dealing with this, Hela, and you know it.”

She looked up at Thor with a gaze that said, and what can I do? I cannot force him to let go of his fears, and I will protect him - no matter what.

Thor sighed and sat down on Loki's other side.

"There must be another way." Thor said.

Loki shook his head.

"Not - not - anymore." 

"There is always a way, Loki."

"W-what I did to her. She will never forgive me. Never." Loki whispered. "I - I ripped her apart. I know I did. Because it hurt like hell to say those things to her. It ripped me to shreds to do this to her."

"Good god, Loki. You should have just spoken to mother about it."

Loki merely shook his head. 

"It's too late."

"Mother was worried about you. She knew that Y/N had gone to see her family, but she was concerned that you seemed so distraught about it. Staring out the window for two days, not speaking to anyone - you should have just told mum. You should have told her what you did."

"I hated myself so much. I didn't know. I didn't know that Y/N had gone to her mother's funeral that day. I had no idea. But even worse, I might have hurt her all the same." Loki sobbed. "And she'd been through so much. She'd lost her mother. She almost lost me. She - she never left my side while I was sleeping. She said such - such sweet things to me. I remember her presence. Her voice."

Thor put a soothing big hand on his brothers shoulder.

"Loki, you need to tell her all this." 

When his younger brother's eyes met his, Thor's heart broke at the hopelessness and deep regret that filled Loki's gaze.

"Tell me, Thor. How could she - how can she _ever_ forgive me for what I did to her?"

Loki shook his head.

"No, you are right. I've lost her."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... kindly let me know your thoughts if you have a moment ...
> 
> Thanks everyone!! You've been wonderful 💖


	43. Hells angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone!!!💗 I'm honoured and a little overwhelmed by how popular this story has become and wanted to say thanks to all of you!  
> I love all the comments and suggestions, as they always add little bits and pieces .... or sometimes even entire chapters (like chap 44 - that was entirely unplanned).... 
> 
> Originally, I hadn't planned on her finding a "distraction", but after contemplating the comments you wrote, I decided to let her have one (was not easy without breaking character) but I think it works. 
> 
> the next chappie will follow fairly soon...
> 
> Couple of movie quotes hiding in here - for all the Stark fans :)

_Somebody tell me, what has this man got_  
_He makes me feel what I don't want to feel_  
_Somebody tell me, what has this man got_  
_He makes me give what I don't want to give_

 _On solid ground, I feel myself sinking fast_  
_I grab a hold but I don't think it's going to last_  
_I'm slowly losing my ground, slowly sinking down_  
_Trapped by this thing they call love, oh, baby_

_-Denise LaSalle, Trapped by a thing called love_

 

You sat on the beach, looking out onto the water, while leaning against Tony's chest. His legs were on either side of you, arms resting on his knees.

It was Thursday, Tony was going away on a business trip for a few days and you dreaded being by yourself. He had come to see you most days. Keeping you company, taking you out for lunch or dinner, looking through your artwork with you - deciding what to sell and what to keep. Even though you had no inspiration at all to think about an exhibition right now, Tony had talked you into choosing some paintings for one.

_God bless him._

His company soothed your soul. It made you feel safe, and you slowly started to climb out of the black hole Loki had pushed you into.

“I slept with his wife.” Tony suddenly said.

“What was that?” you thought you had misheard the words.

“That was the reason he pushed me through that window. Because I slept with his wife.”

“Oh.”

_You hadn't expected a confession like this. Especially so seemingly out of the blue._

“She was worried and afraid of him. Or rahter – _for_ him. And I - I took advantage of her needing a shoulder to cry on. Back then I didn't care. But I'm not necessarily proud of it now.”

He fell silent.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because, she was in love with him and she was confused. He'd hurt her in his anger – or fear – or whatever it was - and I shouldn't have used her like I did.”

_Ok, you had a feeling where this was going._

"I'm not his wife."

"No, but you love him. And you're hurt and - confused."

_Yup, he was right about all of that._

"And as much as I hate his guts, I don't want to jeopardise our friendship just for a night of exceptionally good sex."

That made you chuckle. 

"I'm not _that_ good, Tony." You quipped.

"Oh, but I am." He offered.

You laughed softly. 

"I'm glad you're starting to grow your humour back." Tony muttered.

You sighed, and watched the surf roll in.

"You're a saint, Tony."

"Not, really. I'm an idiot."

"Looks like I'm surrounded by idiots then." You huffed.

"I'm not _that_ big an idiot. Just regretting I'm not the badass I used to be."

"I wouldn't mind spending a night with a former badass turned idiot." You said softly. "But you're right, I wouldn't feel good about it."

"Neither would I."

You sighed. Both of your were silent for a while.

“So, you know about his family?” You finally broke the silence.

“I do. I met him during the worst phase of his life. Crazy can't even start to describe it. But now that I've experienced what a traumatising situation can do to you. How it can affect your life in unforeseen ways, I don't envy him for what he went through.”

“Why? What - what happened to you?”

“I was kidnapped in Afghanistan, during a trial of one of the missiles that Stark Industries produced. I was almost killed. It seems like a thousand years ago that I fought my way out of that cave and became - a different man. "

“Jesus, Tony, that sounds - intense.”

"I had my eyes opened. I came to realize that I had more to offer this world than just making things that blow up. I changed my life. But living with PTSD is not an easy thing. I couldn't sleep, had anxiety attacks, heart problems. Still dealing with all this shit today. But it made me a much more compassionate person. Sometimes I'm not sure that's a good thing though."

Tony's arms came to a rest on your shoulders, thumbs gently rubbing circles on them.

“As much as I hate Lucifer's guts, I'm not going to...” He took a deep breath.

“Not going to what?”

“I'm _not_ going to take advantage of this situation.”

"You said that already."

"Yeah, just affirming it. Repetitive affirmations. Work miracles. At least according to Luise L. Hay."

You sat up and turned around to look at him, searching his brown eyes.

“I'm jealous of the idiot, because I can see the look in your eyes when you think of him. You could have saved his damned soul and he threw that away so carelessly, and you still have this look in your eyes.” His hand came up to cup your cheek. "I could offer you so much." He muttered softly.

You placed your hand on top of his. 

"And I wouldn'tbe able to offer you what you are looking for, because you're not just looking for a night of 'exceptionally good sex', Tony."

He nodded and smiled before he averted his eyes.

His phone went off with a blast of "Back in Black" by AC/DC and Tony fiddled it out of his pocket.

"Pepper? -- Yes. Of course. --- Yes. On my way."

He slipped the phone back and frowned. 

"Gotta go."

You nodded, then you leaned forward and pressed a kiss on his lips. When you wanted to draw back, he pulled you towards him, and your arms came around his neck as he parted his lips and entangled you in a long and tender kiss. It felt good. When your lips finally parted, you buried your face in his shoulder.

"Sorry." You mumbled. "I shouldn't have."

"No regrets." Tony said and held you for a moment longer. "Call me, if you need anything." He kissed your forehead and rose. 

You watched him cross the sandy expanse and disappear between the houses, before you turned your gaze back to the waves. 

_You shouldn't have kissed him._

You knew that while it would probably be good to find a distraction, you did not want it to be Tony. He was a precious friend, and it would only complicate things between you, because you weren't ready to commit to anything. Not as long as you were committed to Loki.

The thought made your chest contract painfully.

“How long are you planning on hiding in your apartment and refusing to answer my calls and messages?”

Thor's low, droning voice rippled through your awareness as he settled on the sand next to you.

You kept your gaze trained on the water.

_You weren't ready for this. Weren't ready to face him. Talk to him._

So, you started to rise to your feet, but Thor held you back.

“Y/N. I know that this is awkward. But we used to be friends, didn't we? Just listen to what I have to say. Please?”

You sank back on the sand and pulled up your knees, putting your chin on top of your arms. There was a long moment when neither of you said anything.

"Are you and Stark -"

You merely shook your head and Thor let out a breath of relief before he fell silent again. 

He cleared his throat.

“I broke his nose.” He ran his fingers through his hair. "I was so mad when I found out."

 _Hm_ _._

_He deserved it._

“I had no idea what he had done until I got back. Mum called me in Hawaii, she asked me to contact you, because Loki wasn't doing well.Told me that he refused to speak to anyone. Just lay there staring out the window for two whole days after you left London. I tried to get in touch with you, then Hela told me everything was ok, so I didn't worry.”

_Right._

“He – he made me leave him.” You whispered.

“I know. I know that now, and I'm sorry.”

“Thor, I- he – I cannot - talk about this - it's too much.”

He nodded. There was a pause before he spoke again.

“Do you – _hate_ him?”

You sniggered.

_You wished._

“No.”

Thor side-eyed you.

“You should.”

“I know.”

“Why don't you?”

“You said I just needed to listen. Not talk.”

Thor nodded. Then he cleared his throat.

“Loki - he needs you.”

_Oh, no. You had expected Thor to be loyal to his brother, but this was too much._

“He doesn't need _anyone_.”

“He does.”

You could feel your throat tighten and your eyes filling with tears.

“He doesn't. He's broken and he's an ...”

You started to cry and dug your face into your sleeves.

Thor was quiet for a while.

“He loves you, you know.”

“He's an asshole.” You sobbed.

“That he is.” Thor sighed. “And I realise that no reason may ever be good enough for excusing his behaviour, but he - he was terrified. He panicked.”

You raised your head to look at him. 

“Did _Loki_ send you here? Did _he_ ask you to talk to me?”

“No. No, he's an even greater idiot that you give him credit for." Thor shook his head and frowned. "I fear, he's not even going to try and get you back. He feels he's done too much damage. And he's terrified that marrying you would make you a target for those who hate him.”

“Marrying me?”

“God, he's such an ass of a little brother.”

“What – do you mean marrying me?”

“Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this.”

“What the hell are you talking about Thor?”

“He had a ring made, especially for you, at a jeweller in London. We planned everything while we were at Birch Grove. Mum helped him to find the right jeweller, and I went to the airport that morning to oversee that everything was prepared and ready for your departure in the afternoon. Before I hopped on my plane to Hawaii."

Your lips parted slightly as you listened, not quite believing what you were hearing.

"He'd arranged for the jet to be decorated, well, more like,  _flooded_ , with your favourite flowers and had all your favourite foods stocked aboard. He went through a lot of trouble to make it all beautiful and perfect for you."

"I - I don't understand." You stuttered.

Thor rubbed his forehead.

"Loki was going to propose to you on the way back to New York.”

“He --- _what_?”

You felt your heart flutter. And then drop.

“He wanted to make you understand that he was taking your relationship seriously. He was ready to commit to this. Damn bastard. He'd finally found his sanity, and then he threw it all away. And for what?"

_Loki was going to -- ?_

New tears were filling your eyes. 

You didn't understand this world anymore.

“This doesn't - doesn't make sense. Why would he be so cruel then?”

“It's his twisted way of keeping you safe." Thor sighed.

_Safe? From what?_

"Do you know about his family?"

You nodded, feeling rather numb all of a sudden.

"Loki feels that he was responsible for their deaths."

_Yes, you had figured that out, but what did all that have to do with you?_

"His allergic reaction wasn't just an allergic reaction. Somebody deliberately put a substance into Loki's drink that would make him respond with anaphylactic shock. Only that the dosage was incredibly high. It – should have killed him.”

_Jesus._

_Loki._

You searched Thor's eyes.

“You mean, somebody actually tried to ...”

He nodded.

“It looks like somebody attempted to assassinate him.”

_Oh my god._

_Not exactly what you had expected._

_You felt your heart skip a beat. Concern flooded your being. Oh god, Loki, why had he not said anything?_

“In his panic – Loki reacted by pushing you away to keep you from harm. In Loki's mind, the only way of keeping you safe was by keeping you away from _him_. He knew you wouldn't leave him, so he forced you to. Rather than allowing you to make a choice."

You stared at the sand at your feet. 

"He's afraid of you getting hurt because of him.”

The pieces of the puzzle were slowly falling in place.

You shook your head.

_Why? Why hadn't he talked to you about it?_

Because it wasn't in his nature.

Because his safety net was control. 

By hurting you, by pushing you away, he had gained a certain control over a situation that lay beyond his control. 

_Damned, bloody idiot of a man._

You should be furious with him. And maybe you would be, _eventually_.

But it wasn't in _your_ nature. 

Because your nature was empathic. Compassionate.

You pressed your fingers against your eyes. 

Even though you knew you weren't together anymore outwardly. He still resided inside your heart. You could not explain it yourself, but there was a link that connected the two of you that was hard to dissolve.  

And you had just found out that the man you loved had almost been murdered. Right under your nose.

And that he had planned to propose to you - because _you_ needed someone reliable. Someone you could count on.

You shook your head.

And then he had ripped out your heart and torn it to shreds. To make you hate him. 

Good god.

And you knew that it had hurt him just as much as it had hurt you. 

You sobbed softly.

_Cursed devil of a man. Made you have sympathy for him, even when you should be hating him._

You wiped your tears.

“Did he – did he know it was my mother's funeral that day?”

“He didn't.”

“And what about that woman?”

“What – woman?”

“There was a woman at the hospital -” You started to cry. “He kissed her.”

Thor looked confused.

“Loki hasn't seen anyone - for weeks. I know that for sure."

You shook your head.

_Oh, god, had he staged all this?_

_Just to hurt you and push you away? To make you leave him?_

_Couldn't he just have talked to you?_

How could one person be so intelligent and so stupid at the same time?

So sweet and vulnerable and so vicious and deadly at once?

Thor placed his arms on top of his knees.

"I guess, you're right. Loki's broken. Maybe even more so now than he was before."

You blinked as new tears filled your eyes.

_You had tried to love him unconditionally. Surrendered to him. You had even asked him to hurt you once._

_You had thought you'd be strong enough to love him. Maybe you had overestimated your capacities?_

"And you think I should forgive him?" Your voice was shaky. "Is that why you're here, Thor? To convince me to forgive him for yelling at me? For telling me how foolish I was to believe he ever loved me? Forgive him for telling me to leave him? That our love had been - had been a mistake? F-forgive him for sticking his tongue down another woman's throat right in front of me?"

Anger finally rose to the surface of your emotions and mingled with your pain.

"No." Thor said in a low voice that was laced with sadness.

"Then _why_ are you telling me this?"

"Because I want you to know the truth."

"And what is - the truth?"

"That Loki loves you. That he's hurting, because he hurt you."

"Then why doesn't he come and tell me himself?"

"Because he thinks you're never going to forgive him for what he did. He's afraid of what he will find when he comes to see you. He's afraid to deal with the damage he's done. Because he's a bloody coward."

You sniffed.

_What an asshole._

And yet your heart broke. 

For him.

And you realised you were angrier with yourself than Loki in this moment.

"He's my brother, I don't want to lose him again. So, I want you to know that whatever he said or did to hurt you was a lie. I'm aware that it will take a lot to forgive him, but if there is anyone in this world who can, I believe it's you."

You huffed.

"It's not that easy."

"No. I didn't say it was."

 

***

 

You restlessly paced your living room, trying to sort your thoughts and feelings. When your phone rang, you were almost not going to pick up until you saw the number of the art gallery in Manhattan on the display.

“Y/N?”

“Yes?”

“Hi, this is Alicia. I just wanted to let you know that one of your paintings sold.”

“Oh, that is – fantastic news, thank you, Alicia.” You tried to sound enthusiastic.

"It was paid by cheque and we will transfer the money. It should be in your account by Thursday."

“Sure. Thanks for calling.”

You were about to say goodbye and hang up.

“Would you not like to know which one it was?”

“Which one – what?”

“Which one of your paintings sold.”

“Uh, yes. Sure.”

“That hot guy - God of Mischief.”

_Oh. That was – good._

"Good. I'm glad that sold."

"I found it really good. Was surprised that you'd even sell it.” The girl muttered. You liked, her. She was a sweet girl. A bubbly NYU art student. 

“The guy who bought it was hot too - but he was a little off-kilter.”

“Really? Why?” You asked more out of politeness than interest, as you tucked the phone between your chin and shoulder and poured yourself glass of orange juice. 

“Well, he stood in front of it for about ten minutes and just - _stared_. And then, when I walked over to ask him if I could help with anything, I noticed he was crying." 

You put the packet of juice back in the fridge and took your phone into your hand.

"Crying?"

"Yeah. He wiped his eyes when he noticed me standing next to him. But they were totally red. He pretended as if there was nothing wrong and just said he wanted to buy it. But then, when he signed the cheque, he cried again. The tears were just dripping down his face like someone had turned on a fucking tap, and he apologised for making a mess. Then he thanked me totally politely and handed me the cheque." She paused. "It was creepy."

"What - what did he look like?"

"That was the creepy thing, he looked a lot like the guy on the canvas. Since I know you never use models for your paintings, I thought he must've been just overwhelmed finding a painting that looked like him. But it was - odd."

_Loki._

You sat down. 

"The name on the cheque. Is it - Odinson?"

"Let me just have a look." You heard her rummage around. "Yes. Odinson."

"Thanks, Alicia. He didn't pay more than the price it was written down for, did he?"

"No, he didn't."

_Well, at least he hadn't made that mistake again._

"So, I don't mean to be nosy, but you know him?"

"Hardly." You lied."Was there anything else, Alicia?"

"No, uh, yes. The boss asked me to remind you about the event tonight. You know that project of visual artists and musicians, the collaboration of artists from New York, Chicago and Detroit? I think you'll like it. It's in the Le Bain. If you haven't been there, you should come just to see the club. Breath-taking view over the city from that roof top."

You had forgotten about that event. An important one to mingle and chat with other artists and people from the industry.

"Thanks, Alicia. I'll see what I can do."

"It starts early, at 8pm, so you still have a couple of hours. I might see you there?"

"Yes, maybe. See you, Alicia."

You hung up after she had said goodbye and stared at your phone. 

Loki had bought your painting. Well, _his_ painting.

_And he had cried?_

_As if someone had turned on a fucking tap._

You felt a pang in your heart. 

_Damned man._

Thor was right, he had deceived you. He had lied to you. Had hurt you to push you away. 

The thought of him suffering should have given you satisfaction.

It did not.

It broke your heart.

You loved him.

You could have worked this out together.

You stopped yourself from throwing your phone across the room and grabbed a cushion instead. Throwing it as hard as you could. Then you grabbed a vase that was sitting on the small table next to the couch and smashed in against the the wall opposite of you. An empty cup suffered the same fate. 

The act of minor destruction gave you some sort of release, but not the satisfaction you had hoped for.

You placed your head into your hands and sobbed. 

_Why was he doing this to you? Why was he doing this to himself?_

_Why couldn't he just have talked to you?_

_Why? Why? Why?_

And while you had answers to many of your questions, you knew it was up to you to take the first step. 

It was like Thor had said. Loki wouldn't do it. 

Coward. Stupid coward.

You wiped the tears off your face and stood.

You needed a distraction.

You had been thinking about Loki all afternoon and you were going to go insane, so you marched into your bedroom and pulled the closet door open. You decided on a short sundress, chose some matching underwear and a pair of high-heeled boots. 

About an hour later, you sat in a cab on your way to Manhattan. 

One of the bouncers at the door of the Le Bain gave you the once over, and you smiled, hoping that your name was really on the guest list. It was. He smiled and waved you through.

The exhibition was on the indoor level of the club that was situated on the rooftop of one of Manhattan's proud high risers. By the time you got there it was almost 9 o'clock and the room was packed with people, mingling between huge canvases of paintings and photographs that had different moving images were projected on top. Everything was underlaid with somewhat cosmic sounds of electronic music. You went over to the bar and ordered a drink. 

Your anxiety in crowds had definitely lessened but as soon as you pressed through the mass of bodies, you felt your heart beat faster and your breath grow shallow.

A drink would help. You could do this.

There were a few people you knew and after a little small talk you excused yourself and went up to the roof, the outdoor part of the club, taking a deep breath of air as you stepped out onto the large terrace that offered a magnificent view over Manhattan.

That's when you saw him. Dark, mysterious, and looking utterly lost.

“Adam” you whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .... ok, I got a little carried away bringing Adam into this (probably because he's causing trouble in Good Things come in Threes, but then he actually is the perfect distraction ...


	44. What the hell!?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok, before I go into this, let me just give all of you a big hug and tell you that I love you! ... this might be the last time I get to say this, because some of you are positively going to want to kill me after this chapter ... for various reasons. 
> 
> Adam’s turned into a very naughty muse. He’ evidently spending too much time in Loki fics. Loki - as always - being a bad influence. 
> 
> Alrigtht... here we go ... warning!!! distraction ahead!

 

 

Adam.

 _It's amazing how you_  
_Can speak right to my heart._  
_Without saying a word_  
_You can light up the dark._

_-Ronan Keating, When you say nothing at all_

 

Adam. There he stood. Tall and dark, in black leather pants, a matching jacket and a simple black t-shirt, sipping on a bottle of beer as he listened to the music. The long, slightly knotty black hair covering about half of his handsome pale face.

Adam, who had lavished you with nothing but tenderness and affection in those the few weeks you had been together. 

 _Your_ Adam.

Your first man. Your first love.

When he caught sight of you, you gazed at each other for a long moment. Then Adam put aside his drink and moved towards you through the crowd, coming to a halt right in front of you so that you had to tilt your head back to look up at him. A small, rare smile tugged at the corners of his mouth and you found the familiar warmth in his eyes that they held whenever he looked at you.

Holding his gaze, you tentatively reached for his hand and he intertwined his fingers with yours. Then he leaned down and nuzzled his nose against the side of your face, and you wrapped your free arm around his slim torso, pressing your face into his chest. 

You did not speak. You seemed to understand each other without the use of many words. It had been like that from the beginning. Maybe because he was a musician, Adam liked the absence of unnecessary noise and chatter. That was the reason he lived secluded and withdrawn.

The night you met, you had joined him on the porch swing, both of you seeking to escape the wild party raging inside your mutual friend's house. Well, _his_ friend who happened to be your cousin. For a long time you had just sat there, in silence, sipping on your drinks, the swing rocking gently. Once in a while a drunk person would pop outside, trying to get Adam to come back in and join the party. Every time, he merely looked at them and shook his head.

At one point, he said he liked you because you did not try to make him talk and that he felt comfortable in your presence. You talked a little after that, and ended up sitting there all night, enjoying each others company, until, just before sunrise, Adam rose, held out his hand to you and asked if you wanted to come home with him.

He cooked you breakfast, which you enjoyed in bed. There had been a lot of kissing and cuddling, but nothing else happened that first night - or rather that first day. It was mid-morning by the time you fell asleep and you slept all day. In the evening, Adam took you home and asked shyly, if you would like to see him again. You said you did.

He was gentle, he was caring, he was respectful. You had always thought him incredibly wise for his age. He saw the world through a very different set of eyes than most people you knew. He preferred to take things slow. Take time. Consider and contemplate, before acting. He was incredibly conscious of what he did or said. Which stood in such stark contrast to the loud and fast paced world around him. Maybe that was why he seemed so lost, misplaced.

You loved him for that and you treasured the time you spent together.

Your cousin, who you was one of Adam's agents, could not believe that you had hooked up with Adam, of all people. Apparently, he was rather famous in the Detroit music scene and there were countless fan-girls trying to get into his pants, but he never let anyone close.

You always thought of him as a melancholic, poetic and sensitive soul trapped inside the body of a rock star.

And now, here he was. Your Adam.

He held you, safely, in his arms. Swaying gently to the music, hands wandering slowly over your back, pressing his cheek against your head.

You felt tears roll down your cheeks. Tears of relief. 

_It felt so good to be in his arms. It felt good to be with him._

_It felt so safe._

_Good god. You really needed this._

About twenty minutes later, the two of you stepped into the elevator that led down to the main part of the hotel.

As soon as the doors to the elevator closed, Adam's lips were on your neck and his hands started to explore your body. Wandering from you hips up your back, down your front, cupping your breasts. His touch careful and slow but nevertheless intense.

You moaned softly as he pressed against you.

A few moments later, he pulled you inside his room, shutting the door with his foot, lips never parting from yours as he shrugged off his jacket to discard it on the floor. He broke the kiss briefly to pull his shirt over his head, then he lifted you up by your hips and you curled your legs around him.

"My baby girl." He breathed against your lips. "You're as beautiful as ever. I'm such a lucky man.”

He carried you to the bed, lying you on your back as he climbed on top of you, placing soft kisses on your face, your lips and your chin and you moaned as his mouth wandered to the neckline of your dress, while slender fingers pushed the straps of your dress down your shoulders to expose your lace covered breasts.

His warm mouth teased your nipples through the lace, before he reached around your back to unfasten your bra, sliding it off your arms and discarding it. The next moment, a wave of pleasure rolled through you, as his mouth closed over one of your nipples, licking and sucking and biting, and sending prickly currents of pleasure between your legs until you desperately bucked your hips against him.

Growling softly and your nipple still between his teeth, he slipped one of his hands under your briefs to palm your backside, pushing the lace down to have better access to your soft curves. You arched up against him, panting his name.

A moan escaped his lips, when he moved his mouth to caress your other breast, obviously enjoying himself.

Your hands slipped down his body and found the fastenings of his leather pants, fiddling with them for a moment before you worked them loose. Adam lifted his hips and helped you push his pants down far enough to free his hardness. 

He abandoned your breast and kissed his way up to your mouth.

“God, baby, I had no idea how much I missed you.” He whispered against your lips.

Without pulling his lips from your mouth, he slid your briefs all the way down your legs, in an awkward tangle of limbs that made both of you chuckle.

You parted your legs for him to settle his body between them and his eyes searched yours as if to see how you felt about it.

You opened your lips to say something, but were lost for words.

You could not believe this was happening, but at the same time, you knew you needed this.

You needed to feel something other than pain. You needed to feel good. You needed a focus after being so scattered.

But most of all, you needed to feel safe. Feel loved.

_Make love and feel safe._

Adam made you feel safe.

“Adam.” You breathed as you tangled your fingers in his hair.

“My sweet little virgin.” Adam nipped at your lips, his fingers gingerly stroking the side of your face.

Then he reached back and pulled a condom from the pocket of his pants. 

"It's ok, I'm on the pill." You whispered and he narrowed his eyes at you and shook his head. 

"You're about to sleep with a shady rock star who probably shags a bunch of groupies for dinner every night. You should use proper protection." He nuzzled your face.

You chuckled softly. 

"I know you don't shag _anyone_ , if you can help it."

"Still, you need to be careful, sweet girl."

"Adam, just - please - ?" He offered you a small smile and kissed you.

"I guess, I prefer old school safety."  He muttered against your lips as he deftly rolled the thin layer of latex over his shaft, before he lowered himself between your legs, his lips brushing against yours teasingly.

You gasped when he pushed into you with a soft groan, carefully edging his length into your warmth. Your fingers tightened in his hair and you bit your lip. You'd forgotten how large he was.

_But holy mother of god, he felt good._

“Still so tight, my sweet girl.” He groaned, pressing his cheek to the side of your face, while you tried to relax for him.

_Good god._

His lips delivered soft kisses down your neck as he pushed deeper, and sheathed himself inside you to the hilt with a groan.

“So good, baby.” He lay still for a moment, forehead resting against yours, his length throbbing deep inside you.

_Adam._

You felt a tear escape and roll down the side of your face. 

When he pushed himself up on his elbows to catch your gaze and you looked up into his eyes, you're heart flooded with gratitude. 

_He made you feel good. For the first time in two weeks you actually felt good._

Adam placed a tender kiss on the corner of your mouth.

"How are you feeling?" He asked in his low, soothing voice.

"Good." You breathed.

"Good." He whispered and closed his eyes.

And that's when you realised how much you loved this man.

Another tear rolled down into your hair.

He started moving. Slowly pulling out of you, then sinking himself back in. You moaned loudly at the sensation of him gliding along your inner walls, stretching them with every move.

You gasped his name and he whispered yours against your lips.

_It felt so good. So good._

_It felt so good to feel him._

_It felt so good to feel._

_It felt so good to - let go._

"Sweet little dove." He cooed as he took you in long, slow strokes, caging you in his arms, kissing and nibbling your skin, sucking your nipples and softly moaning your name. You could feel the pressure build inside you, coiling like a snake in your womb, tense and ready to strike. Your hips moved in rhythm with his, and just when you were on the brink of losing yourself, he halted. 

You raked your fingernails down his back and Adam hissed.

And slowly pulled out of you, while you whined in protest.

“Turn around, baby girl.”

Panting, but needy for more, you obeyed.

Adam pulled your dress over your head, and discarded his pants before you felt him settle back on top of you.

Large hands roaming over the skin of your back, his thumbs applying slight pressure as they moved along the sides of your spine. You mewled softly and relaxed into his touch. He slid his hands over your shoulders, traced your shoulder blades with his fingers, let them glide down your back to caress your ass.

You shivered as his lips planted kisses on your sacrum, tongue dipping into those dimples just above your backside. His mouth slowly traveled upwards from there, and you felt his hot length poke into your lower back when he his tongue and teeth nibbled along your shoulders. You instinctively pushed up against him and he parted your legs with his knee, adjusting himself before he sank back into you with a low purr.

One of his hands found yours, intertwining fingers with you as he propped his weight up on his arms and tilted his hips against your soft flesh, and he rode you in deep strokes.

You cried out softly. Entirely consumed by the sensation of him reaching deeper with every thrust. 

_Good god, yes, yes, you needed this._

_You needed him._

He lowered himself down on his elbows, one hand slipping underneath you to cup your breast and gently tweak your nipple, sending electric sparks through you and stirring that building need between your legs. You arched into his hand.

"Fuck, baby, you feel so good." He moaned, his lips next to your ear as he picked up his pace. 

His mouth and tongue were licking and nibbling your shoulder and neck, before he searched your mouth and you turned your head and kissed him. 

His pace quickened. His fingers abandoned your breast and his arm closed around the front of your body pulling you against his chest as he twisted his pelvis slightly and thrust faster and deeper, relentlessly hitting your sweet spot with every move.

You cried out. Digging your fingers into the sheets. 

_Sweet lord in heaven. oh god. He felt so - oh god._

“I'm almost there, baby. Come with me.” He whispered, voice hoarse and strained with pleasure.

You desperately arched your ass up against him and felt the heat spread down your legs as your body twitched and shuddered, crying out his name as you tensed and pulled him with you over the edge.

Adam growled.

You felt him pulse inside you and he rode you even harder with a few more vigorous thrusts, before he finally slowed, panting your name into your hair. He rocked himself gently inside you.

“Fuck, baby." His mouth was next to your ear, lips brushing over it tenderly.

He didn't pull out, only carefully lowered his body onto yours keeping the weight on his elbows.

“You're so beautiful, my girl, you're just so damn beautiful.” He kissed your cheek.

You felt more tears slide down your face and reached for his hand. He squeezed it tenderly. 

"Thank you, Adam."

 

***

 

You woke in Adam's arms, and when he felt you stir, one of his hands started stroking your over your arm.

“How are you feeling?” He whispered in his hoarse morning voice.

“Good?” You opened your eyes, finding his face just a few inches from yours.

He nipped at your lips.

“You didn't look good last night.”

When you did not say anything, he mouthed small kisses down your neck and pulled one of your legs over his hip. You could feel his hardness pressing against your thigh and moved closer to him. When he raised his head to look at you, you tucked your head under his chin.

There was something about this man that made you feel so safe. Absolutely safe. 

You had not seen him in years, and yet when your eyes met on that rooftop last night, it was as if no time had passed. 

He was still so gentle. Soothing. Understanding.

And amazing when he made love to you.

His throat vibrated against your head as he spoke.

"Will you tell me why you were crying last night?" The question was unexpected.

"You - noticed?"

"My t-shirt was drenched with your tears when we danced. How could I _not_ notice, dove?"

You heaved a sigh against his skin, but didn't move. Adam brought his hand to the nape of your neck, fingers stroking soothingly over your skin.

"You're feeling better now, I guess that's what matters." He planted a soft kiss on the top of your head. "I dare say sometimes a good fuck can release a whole lot of tension."

You slapped his chest and he cradled you in his arms.

"I knew you wouldn't agree with me on that, but it was worth a try." He whispered. 

"It usually messes things up more than doing any good, especially if things are already messy." 

"Unless it's with someone you trust and love." He whispered, then he added. "And there are no expectations attached." 

_Well, he had a point there. And he brought up something that confused you._

"I - I didn't know that I could love two people."

"You can love as many people as you like, sweet one."

"You know what I mean."

"Oh, you're talking about sex, not love. Sex is an instinct. An urge. It only becomes meaningful when we share it with someone we love."

"I never knew you loved me." You muttered, moving your hand so it lay over his heart. 

"How could I not? You let me take care of you. Me, who can't even take care of himself properly. But you surrendered yourself to my care. Offered yourself to me with such sweet devotion. Trusted me not to hurt you." He nuzzled the side of your face with his nose. "I will _always_ love you for that, baby girl."

"I love you too." You whispered.

"I know. So, tell me who's the other one?"

"What?"

"You said you didn't know you could love _two_ people. Or rather - have sex with two people you love." He paused to let you speak, but you chose not to. "You surprise me. I thought you would be incapable of being anything but monogamous, once you were in a relationship. It was certainly not my intention to confuse you by sleeping with you, dove, or make you feel bad."

He brushed a strand of hair out of your face and kissed your cheek.

You shook your head and brought your arms around his neck.

"No. No, you - you make me feel good. You make me feel safe, Adam."

He pressed another kiss on your cheek and then he suddenly halted and you felt him tense.

"He hurt you -?"

_Damn it. Did you really want to discuss Loki with Adam?_

When you tried to hide your face, he cupped it gently with his hands and turned it so you had to look into his eyes.

You could not stop the tears from coming. So, you let them roll down your cheeks.

And now you felt bad, because you did not want him to feel as though you had slept with him just - just because you needed a distraction. Even though that was partly true, it wasn't.

"I'm sorry, Adam, I don't want to make you feel like I slept with you because --"

It was the first time you saw Adam's eyes darken dangerously.

"Don't you dare apologise for sleeping with me."

"Are you angry?"

He shook his head and closed his eyes, frowning.

"Just - please, just tell me that nobody took advantage of you, sweet girl. Tell me that you're fine. Tell me - what happened."

His eyes opened to search yours.

"Who _hurt_ you, dove? And how?" He was still cupping your cheeks.

"The man I love." 

Adam released your face and pulled you in a gentle and careful embrace. 

"How?"

The words tumbled from your lips, as you told him about Loki, how it all started, how you went to Europe, how he had hurt you and you had hurt him, how you finally got to be together, how he had opened up and almost died. How he had hurt you to push you away, because he was afraid of losing you. And that he had planned to ask you to marry him. That he had bought your painting and seemed to be suffering just as much as you were.

Adam held you and listened. And when you finished, he kissed away your tears. 

"Fuck." He mumbled against your skin, then he pulled away and gave you a stern look. "What are you doing in my bed, girl? Hm?"

"What?"

"You _love_ him. You should not be here with me, you should be telling him to get his damn head out of his fucking ass and beg your forgiveness. Because he obviously loves you too."

"But ..."

"If the mountain doesn't come to the prophet, then the prophet will have to go to the mountain. If he's too much of a coward to come and face you, you have to go to him and read him the riot act. Can't just let him get away with this. The longer you wait, the harder it will be."

You stared at Adam.

"I'm not saying that what he did was ok. Or that you have to _agree_ with what he did. But you love him, so you will have to ask yourself what it is that you want. Do you want him back or do you want him to suffer for his stupidity?"

"I want him back." You admitted.

"So, what are you going to do about it?" He looked at you expectantly, but you did not say anything. Frankly, you were not sure what you were going to do or if there was anything you could do.

"Love is not always pink and fluffy, little dove. Love takes discipline and commitment. Love is about taking responsibility and mutual acceptance. And sometimes it takes courage to save the other from their own stupidity - even when saving them seems uncalled for." He pressed his lips to your forehead. "And don't get me wrong here. I'm not saying that what he did was ok. But it sounds as though he hurt himself just as much as he hurt you." 

Adam growned and pulled back a little, shaking his head.

"What an idiot." He muttered.

You considered his words.

Not the last ones, because that was just another affirmation of what you had already established. 

_Loki definitely was an idiot._

But Adam's words stirred something inside you. 

You had felt like a victim in this situation. You had been hurt. Terribly so. So, your natural instinct was to withdraw. To suffer and wait for him come to you. Wait for him to take the first step to make it all good again. You started to understand, that you felt like a victim, _because_ you chose to wait and suffer. You gave him all the power.

"You mean, I should go to him?"

"Hell, yes." Adam replied. And you frowned. 

"Love is about acceptance, baby girl. Whatever happened, whatever he did, can't be changed. Whoever he is, you either have to accept him or let him go."

He paused.

"Courage, you have. Strength you have. But you feel powerless." Adam propped himself up on his elbow, and gazed at you. "Girl, you see beauty where others see dirt. You care when others are ready to walk away. You look at the world and see a magical place. You have hope. You have heart. This is your _power_ , can't you see that?"

He took your hand and brought it to his lips. A gesture that immediately reminded you of Loki.

"You understand things that others will never understand, because you can feel without expecting the worst of others. And you feel so intensely. This is why you get hurt."

He took a deep breath and kissed the tips of your fingers, one by one, before he continued speaking.

"You need to take responsibility for this situation. No matter how difficult it is. No matter how unfair it seems. Don't be a victim and wait around until he finds the courage to come and see you. _You_ have the power to change things, why not use it? Why suffer even for a minute longer? If it is love, you need to extend a hand and help him." He paused. "Or punch his lights out, if that's what he needs.

As his lover you have the responsibility of telling him when he goes off track. Trust me, I know that from experience. If Eve hadn't come after me countless times, I don't know what would have become of me by now. I can be a real idiot."

"Isn't it weak to go back to him?"

"Do you love him?"

You ignored the question.

"But shouldn't I expect _him_ to be the one who comes ...?

"What would you to do if you were in his situation?"

You looked at him for a long moment. 

"I'd go and ask for forgiveness."

"That's _you_. But you're not a confused, scared and egotistical bloody idiot who is trapped in anxiety."

"In that case, I'd be praying for a miracle to come along."

"Right." Adam said, kissing the tip of your nose. "And that _miracle_ \- is _you_."

You closed your eyes.

"What if he hurts me again?" 

"He won't. If he loves you, he won't. Compassion and forgiveness are much more powerful weapons than we give them credit for."

"But I, I don't know if I'll be able to forgive him."

Adam placed his finger under your chin and tilted it up so that his blue eyes met yours. 

"Understand this. You don't forgive _him_. Forgiveness is all about _you_ , not about the other person. It means releasing your own hurt, so _you_ can be free. We think it makes us strong and gives us a certain power, when we hold on to hurt that others inflict upon us. But holding a grudge doesn't make you strong, it makes you bitter. Forgiveness doesn't make you weak - it sets you free. It empowers you.

I'm not asking you to pretend he hasn't hurt you, and by all means don't allow him to hurt you like this again. Baby girl, you need to learn to protect yourself. Set boundaries. Get angry with him if you must. If you feel powerless, you're giving him control. Take responsibility for your life. But give him a chance."

He lay back, putting one arm under his head, as he looked at you. 

"If he blows it, then you know it wasn't worthwhile. And you haven't lost anything. But right now, you're hurting, because you don't know. And you're hurting, because you know he's hurting, aren't you?"

You nodded. 

"Face him. And by god, tell him what a daft asshole he is."

_Ok, that was all a lot to take in. And it was probably the most that Adam's ever spoken to you in all the time you'd been together._

The thought made you smile and you snuggled closer to him, placing your head on his chest. You stayed like this for a while.

He always surprised you with his view of things, Adam had such different values. And a good heart. 

"How do you come up with these things?"

"I've had a long term relationship with an amazing woman, who keeps me in line. Even though she lives on the other side of the world."

You chuckled. 

"Did you ever tell her about us?"

"She knows about you, yes."

"Does she not get jealous?" 

"She's not the jealous type, and she was the one who chose to live overseas. I guess, when you have a relationship like this, you grow out of possessiveness and into a different kind of trust. We've learnt to be very honest with each other and honestly, I have no interest in other women in general. Not that many around that catch my interest, really."

His fingers played with your hair. 

"Guys. We get so absorbed in our own stuff. He thinks he's doing it for your own good, but he needs to learn to give you a choice." Adam muttered. 

You moved and buried your face in the crook of his neck. Adam brought his arms around you.

“This is one of the best birthday gifts I've had in a while, by the way. Having you here.” He muttered against your hair.

“What do you mean?”

“It's my birthday today." He placed a kiss on top of your head.

***

You spent the rest of the day with Adam. Wandering through Manhattan, having lunch in the park, and trying to wrap your head around all the things he had said. After two weeks of hell, it was a day filled with peace and hope. And you were amazed that you did not feel guilty about sleeping with him. 

You had definitely needed the release. And being intimate with someone you trusted, had started to heal something inside you. Had given you back a piece of freedom and happiness. 

The two of you sat in Central Park for most of the afternoon, you were reading in his lap, while Adam was leaning back against a tree, eyes closed. It looked as though he was listening to some kind of mysterious music only he was able to hear, and frankly, you asked yourself if he could hear things that others couldn't. He was a dreamer, just like you. 

By the time you returned home, it was early evening and you had come to a decision. 

You would go and see Loki. First thing in the morning.

You would give him a chance. 

You dialled his number. Not that you expected him to pick up his phone, but you thought that giving him a warning may be fair. You tried again an hour later, then again before you went to bed. Still, no answer. 

In that case, you would have to surprise him.

You had been to his penthouse once and the porter knew you. If you told him you had a delivery for Loki from the office he would surely let you through to go upstairs up. 

You sat in bed for a while, mulling it over in your mind. 

_Odd, how you were so nervous._

As much as you tried to bring yourself to be angry with him, all you felt was nervous.

You decided to bring him that sketch book of yours, the one that was full of drawings of him. As a sign of goodwill.

_Really? Goodwill?_

You sighed. You were hopeless.

You just really wanted things to be resolved - whatever it took. 

 

 ***

 

The porter greeted you with a smile.

"Good morning, Miss Y/L/N."

"I need to bring something up to Mr Laufeyson - Odinson." You quickly corrected yourself. 

He nodded. 

"I'll let him know you're coming."

"Thank you."

When you stepped out of the elevator, Loki opened the door and froze visibly. You could literally see the colour draining from his face, his eyes widened slightly and his lips parted. But not a word left his lips.

You were not quite sure what to say either.

You had prepared a whole speech in your mind on the way here, but now that you faced him, and seeing him so utterly stunned, all you wanted to do was fall around his neck and tell him how much you missed him.

_Good god. You were pathetic._

The two of you stood there for about a minute, merely staring at each other, before you both found the courage to open your mouth at the same time.

“Loki, I--”

"Y/N, what --"

“Loki? Who's at the door?”

A female voice called out from somewhere in Loki's apartment.

Your heart dropped. So did Loki's face.

_Oh good. You were such a fool._

_What had you expected coming here unannounced?_

_Such a fool. Foolish. So foolish._

Your eyes flicked from his face to the hall behind him that opened into a living area. A woman came into view. It was the red-head from the hospital in London.

_Idiot. Just leave and ..._

_let him suffer. Let. Him. Suffer._

_But weren't you slightly hypocritical after spending a whole night and day with Adam?_

_No._

_You weren't._

_Because you weren't the one who had caused this mess. Loki had brought this upon himself_ and _upon you. And he shouldn't find relief for his pain in the arms of another woman._

You returned your gaze to him.

His expression was blank. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

Then she came up behind him, her beautiful fiery hair flowing over her shoulders.

_My god, she really was beautiful. Not ordinary, like you._

As you took her in you noticed she was dressed in one of Loki's shirts and shorts.

You pressed your lips together. 

“Hi, there.” She offered you a smile. “Wait, I remember you, you're Loki's assistant, right?”

“Uh - I – I - yes.”

“That was a bit of an awkward situation back in London. I never got to introduce myself properly, I'm sorry.”

She offered you her hand and you shook it automatically.

“I'm Angela, Loki's wife.”

Your heart dropped into your stomach, from there it toppled onto the marble floor and shattered into countless tiny shards.

"My name is Y/N."

The sound of your own voice startled you. How were you even able to speak the words, when your world had just gone up in a puff of smoke?

Loki's wife was in his apartment.

On Saturday morning.

Dressed in his shorts and shirt.

Hair slightly mussed. 

“Even working on the weekend", she said. "That's very ambitious, but then I guess, you have to be in this business."

_Loki's wife._

_The great love of his life._

_In his apartment._

_Wearing his shirt and shorts._

“I'm just delivering something. It was on my way.” You lied blatantly, amazed at how easily the words rolled off your tongue.

“Well, I better leave you to it, then. Nice to meet you again.” She offered you another smile before she disappeared back into the apartment.

Loki still stood there, staring at you.

You felt tears gathering in your eyes.

_His wife._

_His wife? That meant they were still married, didn't it?_

_So, how was he actually going to marry you, if he was still married to Angela?_

_He had kissed her back in London._

_The love of his life._

_And now she was in his apartment._

_Wearing his clothes._

_On a Saturday morning._

_That could only mean that - that they were back together._

You bit the inside of your cheek to stop your thoughts.

Then you took a step forward and thrust the sketchpad against Loki's chest, glaring at him.

"Burn it. Along with that painting you bought. You don't deserve either. Least of all me." You hissed, turned and stepped back into the elevator.

Once the doors shut, you leaned your head against the polished steel and let your tears fall freely.

 

 

 

"But holding a grudge doesn't make you strong, it makes you bitter. Forgiveness doesn't make you weak - it sets you free." is one of my favourite quotes by Dave Willis

"you should be telling him to get his damn head out of his fucking ass and beg your forgiveness" - this quote was heavily inspired by the very talented word smith Caffiend 

"melancholic, poetic and sensitive soul trapped inside the body of a rock star." - Tom's words!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .... yup, before you think of killing me, kindly consider that you will never get to read the happy ending if you do!!!!


	45. Between the devil and the deep blue see

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I just couldn't get them out of my head and wrote the next chapter - and half of the one after this - instead of working .... so now got a loooong night ahead of me. That's the trouble about getting emotionally invested with your characters!!!  
> Please send some coffeeeee vibes, so that I get all my work done till tomorrow! 
> 
> LOved all the comments!! Thanks so much. But haven't had time to reply to them all. 
> 
> Sooo, here we goooo......

_Almost made you love me_  
_Almost made you cry_  
_Almost made you happy, baby_  
_Didn't I didn't I_  
_You almost had me thinkin'_  
_You were turned around_  
_But everybody knows_  
_Almost doesn't count_

_-Brandy, Almost doesn't count_

 

You had took the A train back out to the beach, trying to keep your mind from going insane over what had just transpired.

_Why had Thor not told you?_

_Maybe he didn't know?_

_But_ _wouldn't they all know that Loki was still married?_

You felt like the biggest idiot in the universe.

You burst into tears again.

_Damn this stupid, stupid man._

You had even dressed up for him - in the things you knew he liked.

The dress. The silver stilettos. Had brought the sketch pad.

You were tempted to call Adam and tell him he'd been all wrong.

_All wrong about what though?_

_Adam said Loki he loved you, he wouldn't hurt you._

_If Loki really loved you._

_He obviously didn't._

_Oh, Adam._

You wished you could just crawl back into his arms and hide there for the rest of your life.

But you could not even call him, because he was in the recording studio all day. Apart from that, Adam already had someone he shared his life with.

That thought made you feel even worse. 

_Girl, you're just so full of self-pity._

But you hurt. You felt humiliated. You felt angry. Surely you could allow yourself a bit of self-pity.

It felt as though, in your entire life you had not been through as many emotions as you had gone through in the last weeks.

The walk from the train to your apartment was hazy. 

_Forgiveness is not about the other person. It's about releasing your own pain._

If it were just a little easier to apply this.

When you reached your apartment, you stood in the middle of the street for a while, feeling rather lost.

There was no point in going home.

_What would you do there? Withdraw to you room?_

_No, you did not want to do that anymore. That's what you were doing every time you got hurt. Run away and hide._

Time to break the pattern.

_Take responsibility. Don't make yourself a victim. You're not powerless._

You needed someone – not just to talk to – but someone you could to vent your pain and anger on. Someone you trusted. Who knew you. Who knew Loki.

You turned and marched down the street towards Thor's house. When you knocked, Thor opened the door, not looking the least bit surprised to see you. He frowned.

“You guys need to talk.” He said with an uncharacteristically irritated tone in his voice. “ _Urgently_.”

Then he turned around and walked back into the house, leaving the door open for you to enter.

_What the hell?_

That was very unlike Thor. You walked in and closed the door behind you. Your anger ebbing off a little.

“The two of you are going to drive me insane. I've never met anyone  _so_ stupid and _so_ in love.” The blonde surf god muttered as he crossed his living room and opened the door to the deck. 

He pointed outside.

“Get out there and talk to him. NO! Don't talk. _Listen_. And for God's sake work out this mess and stop behaving like children.”

You stared at him with large eyes. He was positively pissed.

And then your eyes followed his hand that was still pointing out the door, to a figure sitting outside on the steps of the deck that led down towards the sandy beach. Arms on his knees, his head buried in his arms, the ocean breeze ruffling the black hair. Loki looked utterly defeated.

You glanced up at Thor and he returned your gaze with stormy grey eyes.

“Out.” He ordered. “ _Listen first_. Talk later.”

_O-k?_

Thor's sternness dampened your anger, and even though you felt a painful pang in your heart at Loki being here, you obeyed the stormy god's command and stepped out onto the deck.

You stood behind Loki for a few minutes, waiting for him to turn around. Letting your gaze swerve over the dark blue waves of the Atlantic ocean and the clear blue sky that stretched above. It all seemed so peaceful. When Loki did not react to your presence, you sat down on the steps next to him and looked at him.

Now that you paid a little more attention you noticed that he was not just sitting there. 

He was crying.

His back was quivered and the sound of his pitiful sobs pained you more than your own hurt.

“Loki?”

The sobs lightened to short sniffs. He wiped his face on the sleeve of his shirt.

When he slowly raised his head to look at you, your heart broke. He had evidently been crying for a while. His eyes were red and swollen, and his broken nose made it hard for him to breathe.

“All I ever do is hurt you.” Tears were pouring out of the corners of his eyes as he spoke. 

_The tears were just dripping down his face like someone had turned on a fucking tap._

It was true.

You were shocked.

You had never seen a man so broken. So openly vulnerable and utterly defeated. So desperate and so – hurt.

Loki seemed to take your silence as an affirmation of his words and buried his face in his hands.

The action making you realise that the two of you were much more similar than you had thought.

Loki was _hiding_. Just like you had always done, when you were so hurt that you did not know what to do. He was hiding and running away.

The difference was that he had inflicted this pain upon himself. 

So, who was he kidding? There was _nowhere_ to hide for him.

He was desperately trying to run from himself.

The realisation pained you.

 _Listen._ Thor had said.

“Talk to me", you cautiously offered.

Loki shook his head, but when you kept sitting there, not doing or saying anything, he finally asked, “Why - why did you come?”

"Because I was upset and wanted to speak to Thor."

Loki shook his head again.

“I meant, why did you come to my apartment - after - after all I have done to you, why did you still come to see me?” He took a deep breath, wiping more tears away, but they just seemed to flow incessantly. “Why – in that dress? With – the sketch book...?”

Then he turned his gaze to you and looked at you with insecure eyes.

"Did - did you come to hurt me?"

The question clenched your heart so tightly that you could not breathe for a moment. And your eyes filled with tears.

_Is that what he thought? That you had come to hurt him? Was that why he had looked so shocked? Because he had been afraid of you hurting him?_

His words shocked you even more than his appearance. Not because he thought that you had it in you to show up at his doorstep with the intention to hurt him, which would have been perfectly acceptable for some people, but because he reminded you of a small child, who was terrified of being punished for whatever he did wrong. _Terrified of getting hurt_.

_How much did you have to hate yourself, to feel this way?_

"Good god, Loki." You said, shaking your head. His eyes flicked back and forth between yours as if trying to desperately figure out what you were thinking.

_Jesus Christ, this beautiful man really was broken. And you weren't sure anymore if you were strong enough glue to fix him._

You chewed on your lip and couldn't help but notice his eyes shift to your lips for the fraction of a moment before he looked away.

The small gesture sent a shiver through you.

You sighed rubbed you forehead. 

_Really? Just one small glance at your lips aroused you? In a situation like this?_

_What was wrong with you?_

“I came to talk to you. Ask you -” you paused. “Ask you to find a way to work this out together. Work us out.”

Again he shook his head.

“I've done every single thing I swore I would _never_ do to you, because I knew it would hurt you. I did it just to push you away. I _wanted_ to hurt you, don't you understand?”

“You tried to protect me.”

He shook his head.

“Even if I did it for your own good, it was selfish."

"You did it to protect yourself too, I understand that now."

"I _deliberately_ hurt you. Who would do that to the person they claim to love?”

“ _You_.” You said softly.

He broke into sobs again.

_Oh, god. You couldn't … you just couldn't bear this anymore._

You leaned forward and put your arms around him. To your dismay, Loki tensed under your touch rather than relaxed.

Even when you placed your head on his shoulder.

_What were you doing?_

You were comforting someone who was terribly hurt.

_But he had hurt you too._

It didn't matter. In this moment all that mattered was that he was hurting and you wanted nothing more than to make him feel better. He did not have to explain to you that he loathed himself for whatever he had done. You could see that all too clearly.

You ran his fingers through his soft hair.

_God, you missed touching him._

_Missed the feel of his hair. The feel of his skin under your fingers._

_Missed his touch on you. His lips._

“Jesus, Loki, what happened to us?” You whispered against his shoulder.

Loki sniggered.

“I did what I do best. I - I ruined everything. Ruined us.” He pressed his fingers into the corners of his eyes and wept. "And still, you keep coming back. You always fucking come back to me."

He was right. It seemed you returned to him like a faithful dog, no matter what he did.

“Everything I said was a lie", he snivelled. "In the hospital in London. I did it all to hurt you, but I didn't mean - I didn't mean a single word I said. It was all lies.”

“I know that.” You said softly.

“I do not expect you to forgive me. And you are right. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve this. You coming back to me. I - ” he shook as more tears came. "I'm so sorry for what I did. I'm a monster and I don't - I - I don't deserve you."

You pressed your forehead against his shoulder.

_He was right._

_And then he wasn't._

_But you were't sure what to say to all this._

"I just want you to know that it was never your fault. It was mine. You were never wrong about me loving you, but you were wrong about trusting me."

He placed his head back on his arms, sniffing, but slowly calming down. 

There were still so many open questions.

“What about your -  what about Angela? Did she - does she know who I am? Was she part of all this?”

"What?"

"In London. When you kissed her. Does she know?"

He shook his head.

“I used her. She had immaculate timing as she walked throught that door and I used her to make you think I was with someone else.” He wiped the tears off his face. “Fuck, this is just so low. So low.”

“So, why - why is she here in New York then?”

"She's here to sign the divorce papers."

_The divorce papers?_

"But she was - in your apartment - she wore your shirt ..."

"She's my wife. She is family, I would not let her stay at a hotel. Especially, since - since there is no other -" He broke off.

"No other what."

"No other woman in my life who could be offered by Angela staying with me."

He took a deep breath.

"Why on earth are you still married, Loki? I thought you split up thirteen years ago?"

“Angela left me, but after what I had done. After the – after what happened to the children. I felt I owed her. I wanted her to have all the privileges that came with my name - and maybe I - maybe I hoped that we would - I don't know. I just couldn't let her go. Apart from that I – I never thought that I would ever want to marry again."

"So, you're not ..." 

You stopped, suddenly feeling silly for having made assumptions.

"Not what?"

"Back together? I thought that you were back together.”

“You thought what?"

He glanced at you as if you had lost your mind.

"She's beautiful and - you were hurting. She was in your shorts and shirt. On a Saturday morning. So, I thought - well, Frigga said that Angela had been your great love. I thought you must have - found each other again."

Loki stared at you blankly.

"Was that why you were so mad at me?”

“Well, yes."

He frowned and shook his head as if that had been the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. It irritated you.

"Well, I just don't know what to expect with you really. What I'm going to find. You seem to stab me in the back every time I think that things are going to be ok."

"Stab you in the back? I never stabbed you in the back.” You caught the slight irritation in his tone and it made you angry.

_What? WhatwhatWHAT? Never stabbed you in the back??_

You pulled your arms back and crossed them over your chest. 

“No, you're right, actually. You usually stab me into the heart. Looking straight into my eyes as you do it.”

Loki flinched. You regretted those last words, but he had made you angry.

“Y/N.”

“Don't you Y/N me now, Loki!”

"I --I know I don't deserve you." He backpaddled, withdrawing into his own pity.

"Even saying that, Loki. This pathetic _'I don't deserve you'_. You're just choosing the easy way out, aren't you?"

_Shit. Somehow he had really set you off._

"And what do you _expect_ me to do?"

"Well, maybe not to just sit there feeling sorry for yourself. Do you actually know what _I've_ been through?”

“I believe I have an idea.” He breathed.

“No. Oh, no, you don't. Because even if you suffered only an iota of the pain I went through, you always _knew_ what was going on. You weren't just tossed into an abyss without a safety line. You weren't waking up every day asking yourself what you'd done wrong, or why the person you loved had suddenly turned against you and ripped you to shreds. You ripped me to BLOODY SHREDS, LOKI!”

You stood now. Arms at your sides, hands clenched into fists. 

_Holy hell, you were angry._

Loki gracefully rose to his feet, immediately giving you a disadvantage because of the difference in height, as he stepped up to you, looking down at you with an unreadable gaze.

"Fine." His voice was all too collected when he spoke. "I'm not sitting around feeling sorry for myself anymore. What else do you want me to do? Beg your forgiveness?"

"That may be a good start." You glared at him, holding your chin high. Determined not to let him make you insecure, because this was what he was trying to do. 

The way he looked at you, it made you uneasy. And not in the most unpleasant way.

_How on earth did he do this? Switch from torn and broken to - to some kind of predator?_

_And why were you actually responding to that look he gave you?_

You focused on your anger. 

_"What else do you want me to do? Beg your forgiveness?" Was he making fun of this?_

"Don't you _dare_ make fun of this, Loki."

"I am not. I merely do not know how you could forgive what I did?"

"Why don't you let that be my problem."

"What if it is better that we go separate ways?"

"You're not serious about this, are you?"

"And you are not safe - with me."

"We will find a way - together. Including my methods of going about things, not just yours."

"And what would _you_ have done?" His voice was edgy, he was clearly irritated. Which irritated you all the more.

“Well, for a start I wouldn't have stuck my tongue into another man's mouth right in front of you.”

Loki's eyes narrowed.

"Not _right_ in front of me, no." He muttered.

_What???!!!_

"What? What did you just say?"

“Thor told me that you were spending time with Stark - did you -”

“What the fuck, Loki? _You_ left me. _You hurt me_! Even if I _fucked_ Tony, it would be  _none_ of your business.”

_Gosh, ok, now you were furious._

Loki looked like you slapped him across the face.

You wished you had.

"Well, he has a thing for sleeping with my women."

" _Your_ women? You gave me up the moment you kicked me out of that hospital room."

He stepped up to you, and you instinctively took a step back, bumping into the banister behind you. Loki towered over you, glaring at you, and you could feel, literally, feel your briefs getting soaked as the heat pooled between your legs.

_Ugh. Damn the devil and the affect he had on you._

“I am _not_ your woman, Loki.” You gritted your teeth.

His eyes glinted dangerously and you felt another thrilling shiver roll down your spine, making your private parts throb impatiently.

“Oh, yes, you are.” Loki growled.

“You're an arrogant ass.”

He leaned down.

“And you - want to kiss me right now.” 

This time you slapped him.

To your surprise, he did not back up. Just closed his eyes for a brief moment and when he opened them, they were black. 

"Did you sleep with him?" He hissed.

"It's none of your business."

"DID YOU?"

"Fuck you, Loki."

You pushed against his chest, but he did not move.

But you were suddenly very aware of the heat that radiated from his body. Of the smooth muscle you felt under the fabric of his shirt. Of his scent that filled you with a greedy need.

_Holy hell. You were angry with him, you shouldn't be thinking of --_

No, it was _because_ you were angry.

You were so angry, you actually _wanted_ him. Needed release for all this energy that suddenly cursed through your veins. Release for the powerful fire that stirred in the centre of your solar plexus.

With such force, such power. 

You wanted him. You wanted him to make you want him.

But more than that you wanted to feel his power. Assert his power over you. Subdue you.

_Shit. You were knee deep in trouble._

"In _stark_ contrast to _you,_ _Tony_ has been nothing but good to me. But I didn't sleep with him."

"You kissed him."

_Damn. Did Thor have to tell him every little detail?_

" _So what?_ Do you think I'm just going to wait around until your majesty decides to have me back?"

His eyes were blazing now.

_Good gracious. He looked hot. Far too hot._

You licked your lips, and he moved closer, trapping you between his body and the banister. His voice was low, and far too calm when he spoke. Like a cool breeze, but nonetheless it was fanning the fire.

“And what the fuck were you doing with that lanky dark haired goth rock star?”

You glared up at him. 

"Have you been _watching_ me?"

"It was hard _not_ to watch the two of you, since you were exchanging _affections_ in the middle of Central Park."

There was a pang of guilt.

_Nononono. You wouldn't go there. Wouldn't allow him to make you feel guilty._

Adam's been good to you. Good _for_ you.

But right now, you needed to focus on Loki. You wanted Loki.

You wanted Loki to _devour_ you. 

So, you decided not to sugarcoat things, but to do what you did best - be honest.

“That lanky, goth rock star was the best fuck I've had in years, because _you,_ Loki, never had the guts to fuck me.”

Something feral exploded in Loki's gaze at that moment. He roughly grabbed your hair, you winced.

“I'll have to remedy that then, won't I?” He hissed and his mouth came down on yours.

You pushed your hands against his chest, but he held you firmly, not allowing you to budge as he forced his tongue into your mouth and pressed his body against yours, letting you feel how hard he was. 

Your struggle did not last long. Loki knew exactly what to do. How to make you surrender. And you had already made up your mind before his lips touched yours. You wanted him, and you were more than willing to let him take over from here.

Your hands roamed briefly over his chest, before they found their way into his hair, pulling him closer. Your teeth colliding with his as your kiss turned ferocious.

Your anger, your hurt, your love, they all fed the raging wildfire that swept through your body and soul right now, wiping out your rational mind and leaving only one thought behind.

"Fuck me, Loki."

"Not on my brother's deck, love." He panted against your lips.

 

***

_"they're so stupid and so in love." Thank you jasmine_tea ... love that line! Had to use it._

_-Brandy, Almost doesn't count - thank you Synna for getting me onto this song!!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorrrry.... ran out of time. Oooops.


	46. Full of the devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which .. Loki gets distracted by a phone call from Angela ... no smut happens ... 
> 
>  
> 
> .... just kidding...😘
> 
> Warning: descriptive  
> PS: Find the quotes! ... there's plenty 😏  
> PPS: did not proof this

_If you are the desert_  
_I'll be the sea._  
_If you ever hunger_  
_Hunger for me._  
_Whatever you ask for_  
_That's what I'll be._  
  
_So when you remember the ones who have lied,_  
_Who said that they cared,_  
_But then laughed as you cried,_  
_Beautiful darling,_  
_Don't think of me._  
  
_Because all I ever wanted..._  
_It's in your eyes, baby, baby._  
_And love can't lie._  
_No._

_~George Michael, father figure_

You were frantically searching your purse for your house keys, which proofed more difficult than you had anticipated with an increasingly impatient and exceedingly horny dark god pushing against your back, biting your neck and pressing his body against you. 

When the door opened, Loki pushed you inside, then slammed it shut and shoved you up against it, pinning you to it with his body. Greedy lips searched yours and a hungry tongue plundered your mouth without mercy. Your knees buckled while an embarrassing, needy moan escaped your throat and you felt his chest vibrating with a low chuckle.

_The cursed devil. You shouldn't just give in to him this easily._

One hand tightened in your hair, tugging your head back to allow him better access to your mouth as he deepened the kiss, the other came up to your throat.

_You shouldn't -_

He squeezed your throat lightly and growled into the kiss. 

_\--but you wanted to._

"You're mine." He growled

_Or maybe not._

"I am not."

You countered and he ground his hardness into you, making you mewl in anticipation.

"You will be." He whispered and you were unsure if he was delivering a threat or a promise.

But you were sure about one thing. You were about to sell your soul to the devil. 

Loki's hands were – everywhere – and it seemed all at once. Sliding over the bare skin of your back, cupping your breasts, slipping under your dress to squeeze your backside, stroking your throat, tugging at your hair. Your own fingers trembled slightly when they came up to unbutton his shirt, and he brushed them away gently, but impatiently and just ripped the front of his shirt open, grabbing your hands to place them against his warm, bare skin. All the while his mouth devoured yours with an insatiable hunger.

Loki groaned into the kiss as you touched him. You ran your hands over the expanse of his chest and down his sides.

He felt so good. Soft and hard at the same time. His muscles were so toned and strong. His skin so smooth. 

He pulled you close to him, moving away from the door, further down the hallway into the apartment, only to end up pushing you up against the wall again when you slid his shirt over his shoulders and down his arms. It was quickly discarded on the floor, his hands coming back to almost frantically touch your face and neck, he slipped them into your dress, under your bra, brushing his fingers over your taut nipples.

You pushed him away and further down the corridor. Loki pulled you back into his arms, bumping hard into the dresser that set next to your bedroom door.

There was a loud crash as something shattered on the floor, and the two of you halted for a moment and looked at each other. 

“I'll replace it - whatever it is.” Loki whispered, breaking the silence, leaning forward to nip at your lips. “Get me to your bedroom before I lay waste to the entire flat.” He growled softly.

You reached backwards, opened the door behind you and pulled him inside.

Deft fingers found the zipper of on the back of your dress and he pushed it over your shoulders, tugged it down your hips, dropping onto his knees as he pulled the fabric down to your ankles, to let you step out of it. And as you stood in front of him, in your lace underwear and a pair of silver stilettos, Loki paused. He brought his arms around your waist and leaned his forehead against your stomach. He stayed like this for about a minute.

And you carefully raked your hands through his hair.

Your heart was pounded wildly. Your chest was heaving. Your loins aching with need.

You're body was more than ready for him. Wanted him so badly.

But having him there in front of you, on his knees, with his head resting against you, made your heart flutter.

He tilted his head up to look at you. 

"Do you trust me with this?" His voice was tender. "Trust me  _t_ hat I will not -" He cleared his throat. "That I will not hurt you?"

You nodded. 

It was odd, you _did_ trust him when it came to sex. With your heart and soul.

He nodded.

"Protection?"

"I'm on the pill."

He placed his forehead back against you for another moment, before he rose.

"On the bed. On your back." The tenderness had vanished from his voice. 

You bent down to take off your shoes, but Loki grabbed your hand and merely shook his head. So you retreated onto the bed, and he followed you, crawling on top of you like a hungry panther about to devour his prey. You moaned before his lips even touched your skin. 

He licked along your collarbone, grazed his teeth over your throat and kissed the soft curve of your breast, then he roughly tugged bra down to give his hungry mouth access to your nipples. 

_Jesus Christ._

You never thought that you would respond to being handled so roughly with the explosion of pleasure that shuddered through your body.

Your legs wrapped around Loki's torso as his mouth wandered south. Teeth pulling on your skin, biting, sucking, and without doubt leaving marks.

 _Marking his territory,_ you thought hazily.

His tongue dipped into your belly button, then down to the thin lace of your briefs, trailing along the hem.

You moaned and writhed under him. He raised himself to his knees, spread your leg with both hands and brought them over his shoulders, while his mouth settled on your lace-covered mound. Your fingers twisted in his hair. 

He moved his lips further down towards your centre with open-mouthed kisses, his hot breath seeping through the thin lace. Your legs fell open for him and deft and nimble fingers pulled the lace aside to unveil those sensitive parts of yours, leaving them vulnerable and bare to the relentless assault of Loki's tongue. 

You came embarrassingly fast. With a ridiculously loud moan. 

Maybe it was the sight of him between your legs. The dark, tousled hair, the lecherous expression on his face, your legs wrapped around his neck, those silver stilettos. It all had something incredibly erotic. And you could not keep your fingers from fisting his hair as your body arched up in sweet relief as Loki buried his tongue inside you.

Once you came down and lay panting on the bed, Loki let the lace slip back in place, placing another kiss on your mound, before he moved up your quivering body. 

"Tell me that you are mine." He requested huskily, pressing his body against yours. 

You glanced at him with lidded eyes, still coming down from your high.

And shook your head.

"Tell me, pet." He teased your lips with his.

"N-no." You panted.

His eyes changed, a different fire flaring up inside them.

"Do you have such a strong desire to be punished for your disobedience?"

You knew you were playing with fire, and for some reason you liked the thrill. While a part of you was worried that Loki would at some stage slip back into feeling that he did not deserve you, right now, it seemed, his hunger for you had wiped out all insecurity.

You gripped his hair and tugged it sharply. He hissed.

"My god has yet to _earn_ my obedience." You asserted with a firm voice.

Loki licked his lips as his eyes went dark.

You decided to push him a little further.

" _Only_ then, and not before, will _I decide_ if I _want_ to be his." You lifted your head to run your tongue slowly along his upper lip, and as you let go of his hair you added, "If I want to be _his_ \- or somebody else's."

It had the desired effect.

Loki growled and flipped you over onto your belly, straddling your behind while bringing your wrists together behind your back, rendering you immobile.

You heard him unbuckle his belt. 

_Good god, maybe you shouldn't have provoked him like you did._

"You want to be fucked, little kitten?" He tightened the leather strap securely around your wrists. 

You swallowed. 

"I'm going to give you the fuck of a life time."

_Shit._

Loki moved off you, grabbed your hips and pulled you to the edge and off the bed, so that your knees came to a rest on the carpet, while he pushed your upper body flat against the sheets. Holding you in place with one of his hands on top of your bound wrists, his other hand pulled your panties down - sliding them down your ass, just far enough, to have access to the soft curves and your throbbing heat. He pushed two fingers into you without further warning and you gasped and arched up into his hand.

Loki tightened his grip on your bound wrists, thrusting his fingers in and out of you in a steady rhythm, ever so often extracting them fully to brush them over your clit, moistening it with your juices and making you rock your hips against his fingers, throbbing and trembling and moaning helplessly. 

"So eager to have me." He whispered as he leaned over you. "And yet you refuse to admit who you belong to."

Loki parted your legs with his knee and you felt the fabric of his slacks brush your inner thighs. 

A third finger joined the others. You felt his warm tongue trace your shoulder, lips moving towards the nape of your neck, his teeth digging into your flesh, while his fingers fingers curled to seek out your sweet spot.

You cried out, arching your back and pushing your ass up towards his hand to give him better access.

Your hands clenched into fists from the building pressure. Loki's skilled fingers brought you close to the edge of another blissful release.

Then he moved and a moment later, his mouth found your centre, fingers and tongue alternating to torment your sensitive flesh with sweet, unbearable pleasure until you moaned and gasped his name. He pulled away and you mewled in protest.

"Greedy little whore." His voice was strained.

Through the haze of your pleasure you were aware of a zipper being opened and the rustling of fabric. Loki's hands settled on your hips, fingers digging into your flesh and you felt the hot head of his length rubbing against your aching warmth. You pushed your ass up needily. 

"Is this what my greedy little whore wants?" 

_God, yes, please. Yes._

"God - uh - Loki, _please_."

"Is it?"

You merely gave him a soft mewl for an answer.

A stinging pain ripped you out of your haze as Loki's hand collided with your backside.

"Y-yes." You gasped.

Loki rubbed his hand soothingly over your buttock. 

"Tell me what you want. I need to hear it."

_Jesus. Had he really just --_

You cried out in surprise, as he slapped you again. 

_Shockingly, it made you shudder and moan._

"Answer me, pet."

"Fuck me, Loki." You panted.

You gasped loudly when he pushed into you with one relentless, forceful thrust, settling himself inside you to the hilt and stretching you in a most pleasurable way. You groaned.

_He was perfect._

Loki pulled out almost all the way, before he sank back inside you and your entire body tensed. 

 _More_.

He halted. His throbbing hard shaft sheathed deep inside you, he leaned over you, one hand slipping between you and the mattress as he searched for your clit, circling it with his finger.

You whined.

His tongue traced the shell of your ear.

"Is it not simpler?" He purred in a dark and low voice that sent shivers down your spine. "Is this not your natural state? You _crave_ subjugation. You were _made_ to be ruled."

His words elicited a flood of sensual pleasure in the lower parts of your being and you lost grip of your rational mind, drowning in a raging sea of lust.

Loki was right. You wanted this. _Badly_.

"Rule me." You moaned.

He did not give you time to adjust, but started riding you with sharp, vigorous thrusts. You arched your back, pushing your ass up for more, and he drew his hands back, letting them roam over the skin of your buttocks, before he gripped your hips, and rode you harder.

_Yes, please. Yes._

You crumbled, melted by his force, surrendering yourself to his mercy, as you sobbed and mewled into the sheets.

He broke you, yet again.

Broke that part of you that still held onto some kind of moral standards and beliefs. Some dignity. 

There was no dignity in what you wanted right now. This was just raw, carnal lust. 

Loki fucked you like he owned you, because he did. 

And it felt good. 

One hand twisted in your hair, pulling your head back sharply.  

"This is what it feels like to be fucked by a god." His low voice hissed into your ear.

_Shit. How... you - oh god -_

His teeth sank into your neck and you screamed his name as you fell apart. 

He tilted his pelvis to thrust deeper and with more force as he rode you through your orgasm. You shuddered and writhed, opening your legs further to allow him deeper. You wanted to feel him. All of him. As deep inside you as possible.

When the movement of your hips finally slowed to a gentle rocking motion, Loki's thrusts caressed your warm inner walls in slow strokes, until he stilled completely and let go of your hair, placing a gentle kiss on your shoulder. 

You whispered his name. 

He carefully pulled out of you, and sat down beside you on the bed, pulling you up and onto his lap. His arms encased you in a careful embrace as he leaned your shivering body against his chest, and tenderly brushed the hair out of your face to place chaste kisses on your cheek and temple.

_Sweet baby Jesus._

_This man._

_This man was a human rollercoaster._

And he was - 

... he was - _yours_.

Never in your wildest dreams had you imagined that you would ever allow anyone to fuck you into submission like this.

He had broken that part of you that had grappled for control and power, that fought against him, which was also the part of you that held onto the pain. And even though his roughness had seemed entirely selfish, he had given you exactly what you needed to vent the intensity of your anger, you hurt and your pain. 

_Holy cow, he understood how to handle your aggression._

As crazy and angry as the sex had been. It had helped you. 

He had helped you.

He loved you.

His hands started to untie you and you nuzzled your face into his neck. You could feel his rapid heart beat against your chest, his hard member poking into your belly.

He cared for you.

He had made you come twice, but had held himself back. He was still rock hard.

"Was I too rough with you, love?" His voice sounded a tad unsure as he kissed your brow.

You shook your head.

You started to understand that you needed to meet him on his own grounds to settle this. To communicate clearly what you needed. To set boundaries and mark your territory. And he had given you the key to do this - to communicate with him. 

Loki slipped the leather strap from your wrists and you took it off him before you folded your arms around his neck, teasing his lips with yours. He purred and let his hands roam over your back, pulling you into a slow kiss.

And then he froze.

It was when you slipped the smooth leather of his belt around his throat. Searching his tongue with yours, you drew him into a passionate kiss, while you slid the strap through the buckle and pulled it tight, wrapping the loose end of the belt around your hand.

You were astounded by Loki's instant respond to being collared.

Loki's touch became careful. His kiss more tender. 

You tugged the leather strap and he stilled completely. His eyes closed.

"You hurt me." You whispered against his lips.

"I did."

"You deceived me." 

"I did."

"You said you loved me, Loki."

"I do."

His eyes snapped open to search yours. They were deep and clear. Honest and sincere.

"Do you want to be mine?" You brushed your lips against his teasingly and he moaned softly. The answer came without a moment of hesitation.

"I already am."

"Do you want me to be yours?" 

"I do."

It was almost surreal how soft his voice was now. How poised he seemed. All power and aggression dissolved into a mellow calm. He had not moved, just sat there with you on his lap, completely surrendered. 

"You always try to be in control."

"And you like it."

"I do. But you know I'm not talking about kinky sex. You need to learn to let me make my own choices. Talk to me. Not control me. Do you understand? If you want me, we will share this. You will not decide over my life. Is that clear?"

He nodded and his gaze dropped, before he closed his eyes.

"I want you so badly." He whispered.

"Then ask me."

He took a deep breath.

"Do you want to be mine?"

"I want to be yours, Loki." He sighed and his hands moved up your back to pull you closer.

You tugged on his leash again and he halted.

"And right now, I want you on the bed, naked."

You were surprised how obediently he rose to his feet when you let go of the belt. You watched him strip down his pants and climb onto the bed, lying down on his back."

"Watch me." You ordered, even though the command was entirely unnecessary as Loki's eyes were literally devouring you.

You stood and slowly slipped your briefs down your legs, stepping out of them, before you reached back to undo your bra, taking your time to slide it off your front, dangling it in your hand for a moment before you dropped it on the floor. You did not take off the stilettos and you were pleased to see Loki's hardness twitch impatiently as you approached the bed.

He moaned when you parted his legs as you moved to kneel between them, running your hands up his inner thighs.

Your face hovered over his beautiful length. Loki groaned in lust and frustration when you merely stayed there, your mouth a few inches away from his need, as you held his gaze. He let out a breath of relief when your fingers finally closed around him and you dipped your head to slide your tongue up his shaft. 

Loki's eyes closed and groaned loudly, on of his hands slipping into your hair. You pulled away abruptly.

"No touching."You tried to keep your voice as firm as possible, trying to hide your excitement. There was something about having him so surrendered.

Loki whined and brought his arms up to dig his fingers into the cushion underneath his head. 

You took him into your mouth, slowly swirling your tongue around his head, tasting him, and watched as Loki's lips parted with a sigh, his eyelids fluttered shut and his fingers clenched in the pillow.

He tasted like you and him. You closed your eyes and savoured him, affording this piece of perfection the attention it deserved.

As you ran your tongue along the underside of his head, sucking him gently, you felt him grow.

"Please – Y/N – kitten - love." Loki gasped out desperately. "I need to be inside you."

You straddled him and he opened his eyes, locking his gaze with yours as you sank yourself onto him, sheathing his length inside your warmth. You dropped forward and braced yourself on your hands, your face above Loki's.

"Please." He panted.

"What is it you want, my dark god?" 

His breath hitched.

"Please, kiss me. I can't hold back any longer, love."

You pulled yourself up, letting him glide out of you and he whimpered. Then you pushed back down tilting your pelvis forward and tightening your inner muscles as you brought your mouth down on his.

Loki thrust up into you, groaning into the kiss as he twitched and pulsed inside you, spilling his essence deep into your womb, fingers digging into the pillow as he arched up almost desperately to bury himself inside you. Your tongues entangled in a sweet dance, the kiss swallowing his moans. 

It was incredibly intimate.

His hips rocked against you as he rode out the waves of bliss he was experiencing. When his movements stilled, you braced yourself on your elbows and ghosted your lips over his.

He sighed contently.

"What am I to you, Loki?" The question slipped out of your mouth rather unexpectedly, but you needed to know.

"You are my - my  _goddess_." He whispered against your lips. 

_Definitely not what you had expected._

His eyes were closed and he carefully brushed his lips against yours as he spoke. 

"You are everything I ever wished for. And I have been an ungrateful, vicious asshole and an idiot ... but I'm not begging you for forgiveness."

"No?"

"No. Begging will never be enough. I  _beseech_  you. And I _pray_ for your forgiveness, but I - I understand if you cannot grant it." 

Your gaze wavered when Loki's eyes opened to look at you. You were not sure what to say.

"May I - touch you?" He asked softly.

You nodded. 

The back of his fingers brushed over your cheek and his face relaxed as he spoke.

"You are – a beautiful flower ... a ray of light ... a rainbow that brightens up my sky. My sweet lover. Caring, compassionate and so utterly innocent, it hurts. My light in the dark." He paused. "My mistress, my pet and my whore. You are my goddess." Loki sighed. "You are the one thing that I treasure beyond measure, and yet I would rather destroy you myself than seeing you ruined by others. Which makes me a cruel and dangerous man." 

When you remained quiet, he frowned.

“I am not a good man, but I am yours. I have so many sides that I wish to hide from you, but, if you are willing to accept me, I am willing to share with you _everything_ – there is not only darkness inside me, I promise, my love. And I will do my best to - to learn.”

His ocean eyes shifted between yours.

“I also promise that I shall accept it without further ado, if you do _not_ want me."

Your throat had gone dry. 

You wanted to tell him you needed more time. More time to consider all this. More time to trust him again.

But you knew it was a lie. 

You had surrendered yourself to him weeks ago, even though back then it had been entirely unconscious. Nevertheless, you wanted him. Broken, insane, beautiful and sweet that he was.

You did not doubt that he loved you. Not anymore. 

You closed your eyes. This was insane. What were the chances of him doing it again? People did not just change over night.

But the truth was that the heart is uncontrollable. You can't legislate for who you fall in love with.

When you fall in love you cannot explain _why_ you do it. You just do.

This was _love_ , not a planned relationship. You had not chosen this. You had always imagined to have a _reliable_ relationship, find someone you wanted to share your life with, someone you could construct a relationship with where you could run in parallel. Something full of sunshine, pink and fluffy. 

But this was love.

And love was not always pink and fluffy.

Real love was about acceptance and about truth. And vulnerability. To really accept someone for who they are. That was what real love was.

"I love you." The words tumbled from your lips straight onto his, and he sighed and gently kissed your lips.

His voice was soft velvet when he spoke.

"I had forgotten what love is all about until you reminded me. Falling in love is so - surprising and shocking and beautiful. When I look into your eyes, I just feel like home ... I forget all my problems, all my fears, I feel safe, feel like I've finally found a place where I belong ... a place I can spend an eternity, because those enchanting, beautiful eyes will slow down time and make every second last for more than a lifetime."

He paused.

"That is what I feel inside my _heart_ , but as soon as I turn around, my fear comes back. I want to. I want to lose myself in that eternity, that place I find inside your eyes - but I'm afraid of it."

You lay your forehead against his.

"Then let us face it together."

He tenderly raked his fingers through your hair before he put his arms around you.

"Forgive me, my love."

 

****

 

_"But the truth was that the heart is uncontrollable. You can't legislate for who you fall in love with._

_When you fall in love you cannot explain why you do it. You just do._

_You had always imagined a reliable relationship, someone you wanted to share your life with, or you could construct a relationship with where you can run in parallel._

_Real love was about acceptance and about truth. And vulnerability. To really accept someone for who they are._

_"I had forgotten what love is all about until you reminded me. Falling in love is so - surprising and shocking and beautiful. When I look into your eyes, I just feel like home ... I forget all my problems, all my fears, I feel safe, feel like I've finally found a place where I belong ... a place I can spend an eternity, because those enchanting, beautiful eyes will slow down time and make every second last for more than a lifetime."_

such beautiful words - all spoken or inspired by lovely Tom Hiddleston. No surprise that half of the women on this planet want him to fall in love with them!! .... Luckily for us, we don't need Tom - we have LOKI 😉😜

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that!! There will be another couple of enjoyable chapters coming up later on ....


	47. Holy hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!! Thank you so much for your patience!!  
> I know it's been a very long time, but I had to go to Norway (and Iceland) for a few weeks and am quite busy with work at the moment. And then Loki wanted a kitten to play with, so I've written a few chapters on that story too (check out Loki's Kitten - if you haven't, it's very cute) ... and have been trying to catch up with the other stories too.  
> .... Seems like I have too much on my plate!
> 
> I'll be back home in a couple of weeks so then updates should become more regular again. 
> 
> This is a short chapter, but I think very sweet. :)  
> Enjoy!! and thank you for your support and love and comments and kudos 💖

“Not quite the romantic sex I expected us to have the first time.” You muttered and placed a kiss on Loki's chest.

The two of you lay on top of the covers of your bed, Loki on his back, his fingers combing through your hair, and you had your head on his chest, tracing the muscles underneath his skin. 

“Not the sweet submissive kitten, I thought I had domesticated either.” He looked at you. “Would you mind removing my collar now?”

You raised your head and quirked an eyebrow at him.

“I don't believe you're in a position to make demands,  _pet_.”

Loki tightened his grip on your hair and in a flash you were on your back, trapped underneath him. 

"Fine." He growled teasingly. "Suffer my wrath then."

He sank his teeth into the soft skin of your neck and you squealed in giggles. Loki chuckled against your skin. He nibbled along your neck before he nuzzled you and bit down again. "Hmm ... I need cookie – _now_."

You giggled.

"He still has a Hungarian accent."

"Because he is a hungry Hungarian. Extremely hungry." He licked his way up to your ear. "Insatiable hunger."

You shook with laughter and Loki pulled back to look at you. 

"Are you actually laughing at my attempt of seducing you?"

"I would never dare to laugh at your seduction skills." 

He gazed at you with those clear ocean eyes, a soft smile lingering on his lips and you felt a wave of gratitude washed over you for having him back.

You reached out your hand and gingerly touched his cheek, Loki held your gaze as he turned to kiss your palm. You knew that right now everything seemed perfect, because you were both flooded with bliss hormones, but, the truth was - it really did feel perfect. It felt perfect to be with him.

Loki regarded you with unguarded affection.

"I dare say, you put me through a roller coaster of emotions that I haven't quite experienced before." He said softly.

" _Me? I did?_ Are you serious?"

"Y _ou_  are the source of all my troubles, kitten."

"I see. So it's all my fault, yes?" You rolled your eyes, then you muttered. "Give him an inch and he takes a mile."

"You just worshipped the the God of Sass, pet, I need to live up to my reputation, don't I? I can't afford to dissapoint such an ardent devotee, can I?"

"If sass is what I get every time I worship you, I might convert to a different religion."

Loki smiled one of those beautiful smiles that showed his perfect pearl teeth. 

"Your tongue is as sharp as always, my love. It is truly worthy of my admiration."

You looked at him and lidded your eyes, then you grabbed the belt around his neck and pulled him closer.

"And your  _tongue_  is certainly worthy of  _my_  admiration, your goddess is very pleased with your worship."

Loki's pupils dilated at your words and he growled softly.

"And you call  _me_  the devil?"

"I've learnt from the best."

"Holy hell." He said and leaned forward to kiss you, but you placed a finger on his lips and gently tugged on the belt.

"Remember, you're still on a leash. _My_ leash. And it's a tight one, pet."

"May I kiss you?" Loki asked obediently.

"You're a fast learner, my dark god."

Loki growled threateningly.

"Ah ah. Behave, pet." You chided.

He gently bit the finger that still lay on his lips.

"I am  _Loki_. I don't behave. I do what I want." 

Loki still waited for you to release him or give him permission to kiss you, but you merely smiled smugly.

"You are in  _serious_  trouble, pet." He whispered.

"I certainly hope so, my impertinent god." You smiled.

"Release me." He breathed, brushing his lips against your finger and sliding the tip of his tongue along it. You moved it down his throat, grabbing the leather strap and pulling him towards you.

"Kiss me and I shall decide if you are worthy of being released." 

He pretty much growled into the kiss as his tongue plundered your mouth, and you unbuckled the belt to free him.

Loki moaned approvingly and planted kisses down your neck and along your collarbones, while one of his hands moved to cup and squeeze your breast. You arched into the touch.

Loki's other hand slid up your inner thigh to spread your legs so the that he could settle between them and the touch of his velvet hardness against your skin made you sigh, while Loki's mouth moved further down to close over one of your nipples, teasing it with his tongue.

_Oh god._

His teeth gingerly grazed over it, and he hummed when you moaned. He was incredibly tender, but the tenderness had such an intensity it was hard to bear.

Then he suddenly let go and rested his forehead between your breasts, his hips rocking gently against your inner thighs. You threaded your fingers through his soft hair and he groaned softly against your skin. 

He braced himself on his elbows and searched your eyes. One hand hooked under your knee, pulling it up to open your legs further, and holding your gaze, he slowly sank himself into your warmth. 

You held onto him, one hand in his hair, the other on his shoulder, as he moved in deliberate, deep thrusts.

His eyes were locked with yours. 

There were no words shared between you.

You did not kiss.

You merely gazed at each other as your bodies moved in a gentle rhythm, entwined in an intimate, slow dance. Beads of sweat formed on Loki's forehead and you felt heat spread through your womb, but there was not the usual desperate tension for relief, just an intense feeling of sweet oneness. It was as if your bodies melted, allowing you to connect on a deeper level.

A tear escaped the corner of your eye and trickled down into your hair.

You loved this beautiful dark god, who made love to you with intense gentleness.

You whispered his name and he bent down to touch your lips with his.

Loki gasped and after another deep thrust, you felt his body tense.

He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against yours as he moaned your name, and you wrapped your legs around him arching up to take him deeper, you let him pull you over the edge with him.

"I love you." He whispered into your ear and you tightened your hold on him.

_I love you too. I love you so much._

He nuzzled your face as the movements of his hips slowed. 

You had no idea how long you lay in his arms after that, your back against his warm chest, Loki's cheek resting against yours his arms wrapped around you. At some stage, he slid his hand down your arm towards your hand and intertwined his fingers with yours. Neither of you spoke a word for a long time.

It was you who finally broke the silence.

“Did you sleep with Angela?”

You would have to ask that question at some stage, so you might as well get it over and done with it. Loki took a deep breath.

"I did not. We shared the same bed, but we didn't have sex."

"Did you tell her about me?"

There was a long pause.

"She knows that the reason I wanted a divorce was because I wanted - because I had met someone I wanted to spend my life with." He sighed against your hair. "But I told her that I lost that person."

"Coward." The words slipped from your lips.

Loki's fingers tightened around yours.

"That - I am." He admitted. 

"Were you still going to divorce her?"

"Yes."

"I was so mad with you this morning. When I saw the two of you together. So mad that you never bothered to tell me you are still married."

He hummed against your hair, but did not say anything. 

"I wished that I would have burnt that painting of you and roasted some marshmallows over the fire instead of putting it up for sale."

Loki was quiet. 

"I felt so utterly stupid for dressing up for you. So stupid for bringing you that sketchbook. For thinking you cared. I -"

"I'm sorry." He whispered against your hair. "I'm sorry, my love."

You felt a lump in your throat.

"And I'm - I'm sorry for sleeping with Adam. But I was so empty, so lost. I needed someone to make me feel again. Make me feel good. I needed someone I felt safe with. And I always felt safe with Adam. I don't regret sleeping with him. But I'm sorry."

Loki untwined his fingers from yours and brought his hand up to your face to turn it so that he could kiss you. It was a chaste, soft kiss. 

"Don't apologise." 

"You don't - you don't mind?"

"Oh, I do. And I can't guarantee that I will not break his nose or kill him for sleeping with you, should he ever cross my path."

"He didn't know about you. I seduced him, because I wanted to sleep with him."

"Would you please stop rubbing it in?" Loki murmured and dipped his tongue into your mouth, then he pulled away a little. "I am aware it was I who pushed you into that situation.”

You took a deep breath.

"Did you really mean it? I mean, when you said that - if I didn't want you, that you would just accept that?" 

"Hm. I admit, that - was a lie." He kissed you again. "I would have not let you go without attempting to win you back.”

“Good.”

“Adam.” Loki hesitated before he continued. “Was he - what was it like to be with him?"

"Good."

"Better than -?"

You opened your eyes and turned your head to look at Loki.

"I didn't have anything to compare it with at the time, you know?"

"But you do now."

"I would have much rather held _you_ in my arms, Loki. And I'm not going to start comparing you to others, even though your ego may need to hear what an amazing lover you are."

"I just needed to hear it from your lips."

He nuzzled his face against yours.

"Loki. You are one big idiot."

"Hm. Everyone keeps telling me that."

You turned around in his arms and he pulled you against his chest.

“I just don't know how I can protect you. Considering my job and my family history, I fear there will always be someone who wishes to hurt me - and hurting you will be the easiest way to do this. And I'm – I'm afraid of that.”

“I know.”

“Did my mother told you about my family?”

“Yes.”

“I wish I could have been the one to tell you. I'm sorry I hesitated for so long.”

You shook your head and wrapped your arms around him.

“Don't be. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard this is for you.”

Loki sighed against your hair.

“It was – ” He paused. “I lost a part of myself that day I came home and found Angela sedated on the kitchen floor and the children gone.”

You nestled agaisnt his chest and hugged him tighter.

“And then I found out that it was all because of me. Well, about my father. I felt so - helpless. But – I -” You felt him swallow. Then he whispered, “I killed them.”

“No, you didn't.”

“It was all my fault.”

“NO, Loki. They died in an accident.”

You felt him shake his head.

“I found out where he lived, I did not wait for the police but I went there by myself to get my children back. When I could not find them, I lost it. I threatened him and beat him up. I didn't know that they were in his car. The whole time they had been there, in the car, in the garage. I – I could have saved them, but instead I made him panic. It was my fault that he got away and crashed the car.”

Your heart dropped and you closed your eyes. You couldn't quite cope with the amount of guilt that Loki carried and the realisation of how hard it would be to live with that. So you pressed yourself against him and held him.

“Let them go.” You whispered. “You can let them go now.”

Loki's fingers found your hair and tightened in it, pulling your head back. Without a word, he kissed you. It was a deep, rough kiss that carried a lot of pain, and grief. When your lips parted, he tucked you back against him and held you tightly.

"I don't know what I'll do if anything happens to you."

"Right now, I'm safe. I'm here with you. So just be here with me, ok?"

He pressed a kiss on the top of your head. 

"I will try."

His grip on you loosened. 

"Why don't we take a shower and then go for a walk on the beach? Have some lunch and enjoy the day?"

"That sounds very tempting." He kissed your temple. "Am I allowed to ravish you in the shower?"

"You already ravished me twice in the last hour."

"I've waited for weeks to have you. I have a lot to catch up with."

You chuckled.

"You are _allowed_ to ravish me anytime, anywhere."

"Hm. That was a very _rash_ thing to say, my love. But I am afraid it's too late to take it back."

"I've already sold my soul to the devil. I mean, how much worse can it get?"

Loki hummed and you felt him smirk against your skin as he gently pushed you over onto your back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm.... ravish me anywhere anytime ;)


	48. Owning the devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo!! Hope some of my readers are still out there since I abandoned you for so long!!!!!  
> Forgive me! :) I had the chance to take a holiday after three weeks of hard work. And where's a better place to go than to a "Loki" country like Iceland - insanely long days over there 😁 doesn't get dark until 11.30 and then it gets light at 3.30. Back in the States now. 
> 
> Hopefully the updates will come more frequently now. 
> 
> THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR PATIENCE AND I HOPE YOU'LL KEEP ENJOYING. 
> 
> And just so you know, I will not abandon a fic this popular - not without letting you know at least. :)  
> Love to you 💖💕💖💕
> 
> Chapters will be a little more smutty/sexy but there will be plot in all this, I promise. :))))

_A drop in the ocean,_  
_A change in the weather,_  
_I was praying that you and me might end up together._  
_It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,_  
_But I'm holding you closer than most,_  
_'Cause you are my heaven._

_~Ron Pope, a drop in the ocean_

 

The cold tiles that pressed against your back stood in stark contrast to the hot water cascading down your skin and Loki's warm body pressing yours against the wall behind you.

Loki was buried deep inside you, fingers digging into the underside of your thighs to hold you in place, while his open mouth lay against your neck, licking the water off your skin. You had your arms wrapped around his neck and shoulders, your eyes were closed and your entire focus devoted to feeling him. 

He had pushed his length into you with one relentless thrust and the force of the invasion, however pleasurable, left you panting and clutching onto him.

"My pet." He breathed hoarsely against your skin. "So tight. You feel so good."

His words had the desired effect. 

Your fingers tightened in his hair and you opened your legs further, tilting your pelvis up to invite him deeper. Loki chuckled against your skin.

"Such a greedy little pet. So eager to be ravished by her god." He mouthed sloppy kisses over your skin and you moaned when he started moving. 

Removing his hardness almost completely and at an infuriatingly slow pace that allowed it to graze over all the sensitive spots, only to sink himself back inside your warmth at the same slow pace.

It was slow and deliberate torture.

You whined.

"Is this not what you want, pet?" His lips were close to your ear, teeth nibbling on your skin. "Do you not want me to take you tenderly, slowly, like a good girl deserves?"

_Uh_

"... oh god ... Loki ..."

"Tell me what you want, pet." The authority in his voice elicited a pleasant shiver that rolled down your spine and brought heat to all the right places.

"I - I want you."

"How do you want me, kitten?" He pulled out of your warmth resting the tip of him at your entrance. "How? Tell me."

"Harder." you breathed. "Faster."

"Hm." 

His fingers tightened on your hips as he thrust into you with force, shoving you against the tiles. 

_God, yes._

He stilled.

You whined.

"Like this?"

_Goddamn devil._

"Yes." You mewled. Then you grabbed his hair and pulled his head back to meet his eyes. "Stop torturing me. Just fuck me, Loki. Hard and fast." His eyes darkened and a devious grin spread on his lips. You could feel him throb inside you. 

You drew him close as if to kiss him, but then bit his lower lip and pulled away. 

"Show me who I belong to, my dark god."

Loki growled and buried his teeth in your neck as he rode you just the way you needed.  And oh god, yes, you needed this. Needed him.

The roughness, the strength, the force he took you with was so incredibly arousing and overwhelming that you came screaming his name, and digging your heels into his back. Loki kept thrusting into you with force, reaching his own peak a couple of strokes later and he rode you until both of you moaned and slowed, exhausted from the exertion. 

He leaned against the wall, keeping you pinned up with the weight of his body as he chuckled softly against the skin of your neck.

"Who do you belong to, goddess?"

You laughed.

"You, my sassy god."

"Hm." He lazily licked your skin. "My beautiful pet."

Loki insisted on getting you cleaned up thoroughly, which involved lathering your body with soap, paying special attention to particular parts of your body and coaxing another orgasm from you in the process. 

He looked far too smug when you both finally dressed. 

Good god, if he kept on going like this, you would need a week of no sex to recover from his ministrations. 

Not that you were complaining. You'd just never met anyone quite so insatiable before. 

Loki got pleasure out of giving you pleasure, which meant that sex was not dependent on how often he could perform, but more so of what mood he was in. And he seemed to be in the mood _a lot_ of the time.

"What are you thinking about, love?" He smirked, as if he knew exactly what you were thinking about.

You blushed a little. 

You couldn't believe you were actually still blushing around this man. 

Loki wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into a hug, placing a kiss on top of your head.

"You are so delicious."

"Loki." You sighed bringing your arms around him. Your heart suddenly felt heavy and you whispered. "Don't hurt me again, please."

You felt him stiffen.

"I won't. I promise. I will learn to talk to you."

You nodded and he held you in his arms for a while before he let you go.

***

 

You bought lunch at a small Columbian take out store and brought the food down to the beach. For a moment you thought that Loki - being Mr Perfect - would complain about getting sand in his food, but you soon realised that he enjoyed the picnic just as much as you did.

Loki settled behind you, placing his long legs on either side of you, he rested his chin on your shoulder.

You fed him bite-size pieces of the food and he nibbled on your skin if you took too long to feed him more or dared to have a sip of your drink. After lunch the two of you sat in the sand for a while, Loki's chin on your shoulder and his arms around you, and watched the surf roll in. 

"I have to call Angela." He suddenly said. "I rushed out without an explanation, she will be worried."

"Will you tell her?"

"About us?"

You nodded. 

"I don't think that it will need much explanation. She will have figured out by now that you weren't merely my assistant." He sighed. "Once she figured that out, she will figure out that I used her in London."

Loki placed a soft kiss on your neck.

"Maybe you should let me ravish you again, because I might not survive Angela's wrath."

You nuzzled your cheek against his.

"Right here, right now?"

"Why not?" He replied innocently. 

"First you don't want to have sex with me at all, and now you seize every opportunity to get into my pants?"

"Speaking of pants." He whispered.

His hand roamed under your sweater and along the hem of your jeans, you swatted it.

"Stop, Loki. Go and call Angela."

He pressed a kiss on your cheek and rose.

You stared out onto the water.

For the first time in weeks, you felt at peace.

So many things had happened. Your life had been turned upside down more than once and your feelings for that insane man you fell in love with had been thoroughly tested.

It had been weeks since that afternoon when you had spotted Loki, Thor and Maul on the beach and you still had trouble winding your head around the fact that he was yours now.

He was yours.

Despite the chaos that Loki had conjured up in your life, he had also helped you become stronger. Be bolder and clearer about your feelings. More authentic maybe. More yourself.

Definitely more alive.

You pulled out your phone when it beeped and opened the message from Tony.

_TONY "How are you?"_

Gees, he'd been so good to you. You almost didn't have the heart to tell him you were back together with Loki.

 _YOU "Good. Thank you."_ You hesitated.  _"Loki's back."_

_TONY  Finally. Took the idiot long enough._

You giggled. Not what you had expected.

_YOU  You still want to help me with my exhibition?_

_TONY  Hell, yes_

_YOU  Thank you. I'm sorry I kissed you_

_TONY  Why? You're a good kisser_

_We're good. I'm happy you're back together with Lucifer, but I want you to know that I'll have him assassinated next time he does something stupid_

_You swallowed._

_YOU  That's not funny_

_TONY  I wasn't joking_

_YOU  Somebody actually tried that. That's why it's not funny_

There was a pause

_TONY You're serious?_

_YOU Dead serious_

_TONY  I adore your dark sense of humour_

_YOU  When are you back?_

_TONY  Day after tomorrow_

Loki settled back behind you, kissing your neck to deliberately distract you from texting. 

_YOU  I have to go now._

_TONY  Call me. Take care._

_YOU See you._

"Stark." Loki growled against your skin. 

"Tony." You said and slipped the phone into your pocket.

He huffed and nuzzled your neck with his nose.

"Jealous?" 

"Keep rubbing it in." 

"Tony's been - he's been a real good friend and I'm planning to keep him in my life, so you will have to get used to that."

Loki winced and placed his forehead on your shoulder. 

"He told me about Angela, and he wasn't going to take advantage of the situation, even after I kissed him."

You felt Loki's fingers tighten in you shirt. 

"Loki, I'm saying this so that you know you can trust him. Apart from that, you should trust me that I won't just run off with somebody."

"I just - the thought of you kissing him -"

You turned around and pressed a kiss on his lips.

"At least you didn't have to _watch_ me kissing another man." The words slipped from your tongue.

He hissed as if in pain. You felt sorry. 

"Loki. I'm sorry. I'm not saying this to hurt you, it's just that. It all - it all kinda - still hurts. I would have never kissed Tony, or slept with Adam, because all I wanted was you. _You_. And nobody else. That's why it hurts. It hurts _me_ too that I did what I did. Because I want you. And I never wanted anyone else. And I - I have forgiven you what you did, but it will take a while to forget. But I'm not - I mean, I don't want to hurt you. Rub it in. Or push you away. Or -"

He cupped your face with both hands and kissed you, his lips nudging yours apart so that his tongue could stroke along yours. He moaned softly and you leaned in to let him kiss you deeper. 

"I understand." He breathed against your lips when your lips parted. 

"Thank you."

He took a deep breath. 

"I will need to show up at the club tonight. I know that you aren't comfortable with crowds, so I could come back to your place afterwards? If you will have me?"

His fingers moved from your face down your throat. One of Loki's thumbs stroked your larynx and he kept his hand there, as he nipped on your lips, the gesture sparking a flood of heat between your legs.

"What if I come with you?" You heard yourself say.

"Not if you are uncomfortable."

"Last time I saw you there, you had two super models groping you." 

Loki chuckled.

"Who's jealous now?"

You opened your eyes and pulled away slightly. Loki tightened the grip on your throat, his gaze holding yours. 

_Straight from vulnerable to predator._

It made you melt. 

"Minx." He whispered.

"Uncanny. Sometimes I wonder if you can actually read my mind."

"If you are concerned that another woman could catch my attention, maybe you should make sure that I am thoroughly bedded before I go to the club?"

"Or maybe I should come, and you could show me the couch in - the backroom?"

He raised both eyebrows.

"Tempting." The pad of his thumb rubbed circles on your throat now. "I also have a desk in there. And a coffee table. Beautiful polished Mahagony wood. They are also worthy of showing to you too." He purred. 

You closed your eyes and licked your lips.

_Good god._

He chuckled softly.

"I actually wouldn't mind showing you off, my little goddess."

You opened your eyes.

"I'm not a possession you can show off."

"No?" He asked with a smug smile on his face. 

"We live in the age of women's liberation. Just in case you haven't noticed."

"Remind me of what that is again, _pet_?"

You slapped his arm and he pulled you closer. 

"You can't blame me for being possessive. And - as paradoxical as this may sound - I _respect_ women. Liberated or not. You are most beautiful and powerful creatures. That is why you get off on being controlled, because deep down you know that you are the one's in charge."

His clear ocean eyes shifted between yours.

"You were so insecure at first. So easily provoked. But you also had such a sharp tongue. I knew you'd have a strong will. And I wanted you to surrender to me, submit to me, but I also - I also hoped that you would make me submit - to you."

"You are the most unusual man I've ever come across."

"I take that as a compliment?"

"You should."

He smiled and pressed his lips on your cheek, then he pulled you closer so that you could nestle your head in the crook of his neck and lean against his chest. 

"Did - you -" You weren't quite sure if you really wanted to ask that question, but it had lingered in your mind from the moment he mentioned the club.

"Did I what, love?"

"Did you ever have sex with two women?" You felt the heat rise to your cheeks.

"You mean like those two in the club?"

_Couldn't he just give a straight answer?_

"M-hm."

"By sex, do you mean, did I sleep with them or have them pleasure me in other ways?"

"Uh. What?"

_Jesus Christ!?_

Loki chuckled.

You slapped his chest.

"You're disgusting, Loki."

"You were the one who asked."

"I wish I hadn't."

He kissed the top of your head.

"I adore that I can embarrass you and, yes, I have explored various ways of pleasure with various men and women. And sometimes the fantasy can be far more enticing than the actual act. ... That might be more than you wanted to hear, though. I told you that I'm not a good man, and I am certainly not an _innocent_ lover."

_Ok, that made you blush._

Men _and_ women?

"Are you shocked now?" His voice was soft, but you could tell that he wasn't vulnerable. Sex wasn't something that made Loki uncomfortable.

"Uh. Not shocked. Just - surprised." 

"Well, those escapades belong to the past now. Let me assure you that you are the only one I would like to share my bed with - that is, unless you _wish_ for company, of course."

"What the hell, Loki?"

"Now you are shocked."

You were.

You hid your face in his neck.

"I'm not sure I would want to share you, anyways. Even _if_ you asked for it."

He chuckled and trailed his fingers down your spine. You shivered.

_The Devil._

"You don't have any shame when it comes to sex."

"I don't. But then, sex can be a mere gratification of the senses, while it can also be a meaningful, almost sacred act of union. In any case, it should always be based on trust. I never had sex with someone, who didn't trust me with what I was doing. And I never submitted to anyone - until you made me."

 _Because he trusted you._ That was what he was saying _between_ the lines.

You reached for his hand and brought it to your lips. 

"I was broken and afraid. And I am sorry. You have been nothing but good for me, but it seems that I manage to sabotage myself whenever things in my life take a turn for the better." 

"Not anymore."

You kissed the palm of his hand.

"No. Not anymore." He whispered and pressed a kiss on your forehead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK you to Magykal777 for suggesting "A drop in the ocean" by Ron Pope - beautiful song!!


	49. What fresh hell is this?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New challenges arise ....
> 
> Sorry, I haven't replied to a few comments from the last chapter, but I really appreciate them and they enourage me like anything! - and I'll try and be better this time :)  
> Since chapter 47 was meant to be the original ending, it took a wee while to wrap my head around things and figure out a basic plot that hopefully answers a few questions, brings more fluff and smut and also the Avengers and some family time. ... That's a lot of promises, so I hope I can keep them all :)))) Thank you all so much for reading!!!! 
> 
> Love 💖💕

_I'm confusing as hell_  
_I'm north and south_  
_And I'll probably never have it all figured out_  
_But what I know is I wasn't meant to walk this world without you_  
_And I promise I'll try_  
_Yeah I'm gonna try to give you every little part of me_  
_Every single detail you missed with your eyes_

_~Kelly Clarkson, maybe_

 

Loki went back to the city to speak to Angela in the late afternoon and was going to send Hugh to pick you up later in the evening to take you to the club.

You kissed him goodbye and as you watched him walk down the street towards his car, realisation washed over you and hit you with full force.

Loki and you were together.

You closed the door and leaned your head against it.

Loki and you.

While the thought filled your stomach with the fluttering feeling of excitement, it also made you realise that this relationship was going to change your life. Radically. In quite unexpected ways.

Ways that wouldn't always be easy. 

It is funny how when you are in love everything seems so easy. So pink and fluffy. So perfect. 

When Loki was around you, all you wanted was him. Touch him. Talk to him. Cuddle him. Kiss him. Feel him inside you.

When you were in his arms, or he in yours, it felt as though as long as you were together, you had the courage and the strength to face _anything_. 

Your entire focus was on him.

There was nothing and nobody more important in your life. You just wanted to be there for him. 

That worried you.

You had the tendency to do that. To devote yourself entirely to something or someone and forget everything else. It was what made you a good artist.

But Loki consumed you with an intensity that you had not experienced before.

And it scared you. 

You took a deep breath. 

Good god, you finally understood why he had been so hesitant about sleeping with you, because now, that you had finally done it, you could feel how much deeper the bond between you had grown. 

How much more dependent you had become on each other.

You did not like being dependent on others. You liked to have the freedom to withdraw, to keep to yourself. And you knew that Loki preferred that too, but he had seen this coming, while you had been wearing your rose-coloured glasses. That was why _he_ had been careful. Why he had wanted you to be sure about this.

He had known that this relationship would consume him and you in both, a beautiful and also terrifying way.

He had been dead earnest when he had said that once you committed to this, he would not let you go.

But then, you knew that, as possessive as Loki was, he was willing to give you space to live your life. The question that worried you was - did you _want_ him to give you space? 

Loki was like a drug and you had developed a severe addiction.

You went into the kitchen and poured yourself a glass of water. 

 _That's what happens when you fall in love._ You told yourself.

The person you fall in love with becomes the main focus in your life. You are blindly giving things up for the other person.

But was this what you wanted?

_Jesus Christ, why were you so scared of this?_

Because Loki brought things out in you. Needs. Urges. A willingness to submit and a desire to be entirely at his mercy. 

And then he forced you to turn the table and assert yourself. 

He had said that he wanted to you to make him submit to you, hadn't he?

As sweet and tender as he was, this relationship touched subconscious needs that you weren't sure you would be able to fulfil.

You closed your eyes and bit your lip.

Even now, just thinking of him, you could feel a soft throb between your legs.

He turned you on so badly with his mix of sweet tenderness and unyielding dominance - it was almost unbearable.

You downed the glass of water. 

And then there was Loki's place in society that came with a certain amount of danger.

You weren't used to that. 

You weren't used to the fact that you found it  _enticing_. 

Good god, somebody had actually attempted to _kill_ him. This wasn't a movie. This was your life. This was your lover.

_Holy mother of Christ, what were you getting yourself into?_

It was easy to think the two of you could work this out together while you were in Loki's arms, but now, looking at it from a more sober perspective, one were you weren't intoxicated by Loki's presence, you asked yourself if it would really be that easy?

To live with the knowledge that you might be the target for anyone who longed to hurt him?

You turned on the tap and splashed some water in your face, then you braced yourself against the edge of the sink and took a deep breath.

It's ok to be scared. It was completely normal that this kind of thing would scare you.

It would be odd if it didn't.

It would be odd if this relationship didn't scare you.

Because you weren't anything like Loki. You were an _ordinary_  person.

 _An ordinary mortal,_ you thought and sniggered. Then you shook your head.

You would be able to do this somehow. 

You loved him and you _believed_ in love.  

You had friends who supported you. 

You had Thor and Tony.

You had your family.

You could do this.

And right now, you'd take a nap before you would have a long shower and dress up for you dark devilish god, to meet him in his club.

 

***

 

Loki was waiting for you at the entrance of the club, ushering you inside after a soft "You look beautiful" and a tender kiss to your temple.

The music was pumping and the two of you retreated to the quieter lounge area. After Loki kept asking you every five minutes how you were feeling or if you were alright, you finally told him to stop fussing over you and get you a drink while you escaped to the ladies' room. 

He had grinned and kissed you, making sure to slide his hand up your inner thigh, high enough to make you squirm, while his tongue stroked yours.

By the time he let you go, you were panting and flushed, and you noticed people shooting you looks, but you were relieved that he had taken the hint and dropped his overly careful behaviour. 

You were about to settle back on the couch, when you spotted a familiar face.

"Scott! Oh my god! That's such a nice surprise to see you here."

You fell around your brother's neck and hugged him tightly. He laughed softly and held you for a moment before he released you.

"I thought you lived a seclusive artist life out at that beach? What are you doing here of all places, li'l sister?"

"I'm here with a friend." You answered quickly.

You had hoped that you could introduce Loki to your brother under different circumstances, but fate had other plans it seemed. And you were now facing the same predicament that Loki had faced in Allerdale Hall. 

You weren't quite sure what to call him. 

You would have called him your lover rather than boyfriend. Boyfriend wasn't necessarily a word that harmonised with Loki, but then, lover sounded so uncommitted, and your relationship was anything but that. 

"Are we still having lunch tomorrow?" Scott asked you.

"Of course!" You smiled. 

You had been looking forward to seeing Scott ever since he called you three days ago to let you know that he was going to be in New York on business for a few days.

"How are you sis? You look better than you sounded on the phone."

"Much better, than last time we spoke. _A lot_ much better." You smiled and he grinned.

"Good. I was starting to worry."

"That's very sweet of you, Scott. I'm still getting used to having - a brother - and I'm really happy that we're back in touch."

He ruffled your hair affectionately.

"So am I. I'm happy to have my little sister back."

He meant it. You could feel it. See it in his eyes.

"So, do you usually come here when you're in New York? To the club, I mean?"

"I'm actually here on business." He glanced around. Then his eyes fell on someone behind you and he straightened up and the soft smile vanished from his face.

Loki stepped up beside you holding two drinks. He handed one to you and you thanked at him, surprised to see his face had turned into a cold, unreadable mask. 

"Hello, Scott." Loki offered, his tone clipped.

_Oh._

"Hey, Loki." Scott nodded.

_They - knew each other? Saves the introduction, I guess?_

The warmth that had been there between you and Scott a mere moment ago had evaporated and now it felt as though you could slice the very air you were breathing. The tension between Scott and Loki was one of two predators circling each other. 

"I expected you to come and see me at my office." Loki's tone was casual but you could literally feel the ice in it.

"I thought this place would be a more appropriate since it's unofficial _business_." Scott replied with a shrug.

"I would have preferred a warning." Loki stated, his tone dismissive. 

You looked from one to the other. 

_Scott was in town to see - Loki?_

"Fine. Follow me." Loki gestured towards the office in the back and started to walk that way.

He didn't touch you, only gave you a court nod, to follow. 

When he turned away, Scott took your elbow, drawing you closer to him. 

"You know Laufey's son?"

_Uh. Laufey's son??_

"Yes?"

"How did you get involved with _him_ of all people? He's dangerous, sis."

_How indeed? Kind of a long and complicated story, Scott._

"Uhm. He's - I mean, we are -"

Loki turned around and gestured for the two of you to catch up, narrowing his eyes when he noticed Scott's hand on your arm.

Your dark god held the door to his office open and let Scott enter, but when you wanted to walk past him, he pulled you close. 

"Why did he touch you? What did he want from you?" Loki hissed softly.

_Dear god. Really?_

_Your brother was worried and your lover was jealous. This was not exactly how you had expected the evening to pan out._

"He warned me against you." 

"Why - why would he do that?" A flicker of confusion ran over Loki's face and you leaned closer.

"Because, he's my _brother_ , Loki." You whispered into his ear and patted his chest.

Loki's eyes widened slightly, before they narrowed and his jaw twitched.

He let go of you and you stepped inside, the door falling shut behind you, silencing the noise of the club.

"This is business, Laufeyson. What is she doing here?" Scott said coldly, but you could sense his nervousness about the fact that Loki was about to involve you into whatever was going on.

Loki cleared his throat. 

"She is my -  _fiancée_. I had planned to spend the evening with her, and I have no secrets from her."

_Fiancee?!?!_

Scott's stared at Loki as though he'd sprouted a second head and you were sure your own jaw would have dropped open, had you not felt the urge to take a big gulp from your drink to counter the shock of Loki's words. 

"Drink?" Loki asked Scott nonchalantly. Your brother nodded, recovering his composure.

Loki's hand lightly touched your back as he guided you to the couch, before he moved to the small bar and poured your brother a drink. 

Scott's eyes were on you the entire time. 

You could literally see his mind churning. All the questions he wanted to ask you, but wouldn't do so in Loki's presence. 

It was somewhat awkward to be caught between those two. 

_They obviously weren't friends. And here you'd looked forward to introducing them to one another._

_Why had you thought that this would be easy?_

You wondered what "business" they had with each other, when the couch dipped and Loki settled beside you, placing one arm on the back rest behind you.

You tried to follow their conversation but there were too many names and companies they talked about that you'd never heard of and you also had a hard time concentrating since you were dying to know why they did not like each other, and why on earth Loki had told your brother you were his fiancee. 

Judging by Scott's reaction, he had only said it to throw your brother off. 

_What an ass. Using you like this._

But you shouldn't be surprised. When it came to business, Loki was ruthless. You just wished he would leave you out of it.

They didn't talk for long. Loki asked Scott to see him at Odinson tower the next day so that they could discuss things with Hela.

When they rose, you stood as well and walked Scott to the door together with Loki. 

"See you tomorrow?" You asked carefully. 

"Yes. See you tomorrow." Scott gave you a hug. "Take care, little sister."

You pressed a kiss on his cheek and closed the door behind him, turning back to Loki.

"Loki wh-" the flow of your words was cut off by Loki shoving you against the door, one hand on your throat, his eyes glinting dangerously.

A surprised gasp left your lips and your hands flew up to grip the arm that held you.

"Loki - what the hell?" You shrieked.

"I should be asking you the same thing." He growled. The grip on your throat was no more than a warning, but the gesture shocked you. 

"His _sister_?" He hissed. "And when would you have cared to tell me?"

"W-what? Let me go."

You pushed your hands against his chest, but he didn't budge, only glared at you.

Your shock turned into anger and you glared back at him.

"Well, you never _asked_ about my family, didn't you? Why should I have told you?"

_Damn this ever loose tongue of yours._

"Do not _mock_ me." Loki's tone was icy and it should have scared you. Instead, it elicited a disturbing array of other sensations that rushed through you. 

You bit your lip. Loki's eyes changed, his pupils dilating. 

His hold on you lightened. But only a little. 

"Explain yourself." He ordered.

_What the fuck?_

" _Explain_ myself? Let me go you - you - asshole."

He was clearly taken aback by your words but didn't let you go, his fingers even tightened a little. You searched his eyes and couldn't decipher what was going on in his mind.

_Was he really threatening you?_

_This was the man you loved for god's sake, what was wrong with him?_

Your mood changed from angry and aroused to perturbed.

"If you want to hurt me then why don't you just do it?" You said defiantly, but your eyes were brimming with tears now.

You came to the painful realisation that, whatever had aggravated his reaction, he was defensive because he didn't trust you.

Loki didn't trust you. A hot tear rolled down your cheek.

His eyes softened and, as if he suddenly realised what he was doing, his hand slipped from your neck and he stepped back.

"I'm sorry." he whispered.

You hid your face in your hands allowing your tears to flow. 

"I'm so sorry." You felt his arms gently pull you against him, coming around you in a careful embrace. 

"What the hell, Loki?" You sobbed. "Why would you turn on _me_ of all people? I _trust_ you. But you - you don't, obviously."

He held you against him, one hand sneaked into your hair, pushing your head against his shoulder. 

"I'm sorry." He repeated softly over and over again. "I'm so sorry, my love."

You cried into his shoulder and he pressed kisses on the top of your head. 

"Forgive me." he whispered. "Please, forgive me. It came as a shock that you are his sister. I feared that you could have been involved. That you could have - used me. Betrayed me."

"Involved? That I could have been involved in what?"

"The incident in London."

"What?"

"We have reasons to believe that Scott and - your father - were involved in the attempt on my life."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah, Loki!!! Pull yourself together.


	50. When you're in hell only the devil can point the way out*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow!! Chapter 50!!!
> 
> Thank you all for your patience and I hope you're still enjoying this. 💕 Thank you for your comments - I am so touched that this story is so popular!! 
> 
> Smut and more interesting revelations ahead! 
> 
>  
> 
> PS: I won't get to proof, so hopefully it's not too bad....  
> Creative imagination can sometimes be a pain when there is an abundance of story ideas (which happened to me over the past weeks, that's why updates have been slowed - too many stories on my plate - but they all give me so much joy)

_When you feel my heat_  
_Look into my eyes_  
_It’s where my demons hide_  
_Don’t get too close_  
_It’s dark inside_  
_It’s where my demons hide_

 _Your eyes, they shine so bright_  
_I want to save their light_  
_I can't escape this now_  
_Unless you show me how_

_~Imaging Dragons, where my demons hide_

 

"I can't believe you'd think that I would be able to do such a thing." You whispered, still sobbing softly.

Loki's hands carefully cupped your face and pressed gentle kisses on your cheek and mouth. 

"I'm sorry." He whispered. He laid his forehead against yours. "I would never hurt you."

You shook your head and placed your hand on his chest.

"I know. But you don't trust me."

The truth of your words stung your heart.

Loki was quiet for a while, brushing his thumbs over your cheeks and keeping his forehead against yours.

"I _want_ to trust you." He said finally. "I live in a world where people stab me in the back while they laugh in my face. When you told me that you are his sister, I - I started to doubt my own judgement. I was afraid that I had misjudged you. Up until now my only fear was that you could get hurt because of me, but this made me aware that - that a much more terrifying thought was that you could turn against me. Betray me."

He pulled away from you and stepped back a step. 

He did not look at you when he continued speaking.

"I've been tipped over the edge of sanity before and I cannot go there again. And you - you are the only person who would be able to do that to me."

_I would be safer without you._

Were the unspoken words that hung in the air. 

"You could have asked me about it, Loki."

"And you would have bewitched me with your kind words, your innocence ... your sweetness. You always do. Don't you see? I am good at telling when people lie to me or try to deceive me, but I would never be able to tell with you, because you always make me feel good when I am with you."

"And that's a bad thing?"

He brought one of his hands up and rubbed his forehead.

"It's a treacherous thing."

"It's called love."

He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Loki, I know you're -"

"It was WRONG!" He blurted out and you flinched a little. "I was wrong to suspect you. I reacted out of fear and anger - but I cannot escape who I am! I can try and change, but I will not change over night. And, frankly, I cannot promise you I ever will and if you cannot live with that then -"

He broke off. 

_Then you'll have to leave? Was that what he was going to say?_

"Is it always going to be like this, Loki? Will you push me away every time there is a challenge?" You asked softly and he looked up at you. 

With a sudden move, Loki closed the distance between you and grabbed you roughly, pulling you against him and pressing his face into the crook of your neck.

"Show me how." He whispered as his fingers tightened in your hair. "Show me how to do this."

You brought your arms around him. 

"I cannot make you trust me, if you don't."

"Give me time. I -" his voice dropped to a whisper. "I beg you."

You had known this wouldn't be easy, but you had hoped that life would give the two of you a break for a little while. You had hoped that your lover and your brother would get along, not that Loki suspected Scott to be involved in the attempt on his life.

_Jesus Christ, what were the chances?_

You had hoped that after all that you and Loki had been through, life would get easier. But it was like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire. 

"I'm scared of this too." You whispered as you ran your fingers over his back. "Scared of us."

You reached up to pry his fingers from your hair and intertwine them with yours.

"Because I know this is not going to be easy." You squeezed his fingers. "I'm scared of the fact that I won't be able to fulfil all those needs you have. I wish - I wish I could be stronger, but I'm not. I'm scared of how much I need you. And I am aware that you're scared of needing me. I want to be here for you, but I'm scared too, ok? I can't be strong for both of us. I need you as much as you need me, so please, don't push me away. I'm not working against you. I'm on your side."

You felt his lips brush your neck. 

"I want to trust you." He repeated, mouthing kisses up your throat to your chin.

His lips found yours and he nudged them open to push his tongue into your mouth. 

You knew Loki was done talking. This was how he dealt with emotions. Through touch, control, passion and sex.

So, you let him have his way.

You brought your arms around his neck and he gripped your hips and lifted you up, guiding your legs around him without breaking the kiss. 

Loki carried you over to the bar and set you down on the countertop, his hands cupping your breasts roughly before they slipped down to your hips. He waisted no time and bunched up your dress, slender fingers sliding underneath to pull your briefs down far enough to give him access to your warmth. 

He kissed you with unhidden ferocity and when his fingers found you ready he unzipped his slacks. His large hands cupped your ass, pulled you to the edge of the counter and a moment later his hardness brushed against your entrance.

Loki groaned into kiss when he entered you, pulling your hips flush against his so that he could sheath his full length inside you. 

Had your mouth not been ravished by a very aggressive tongue, you would have cried out, but you did shriek into the kiss when Loki started thrusting into you.

It was rough. It was aggressive.

It was utterly arousing.

One of his hands moved into your hair, pulling your head back, moving his mouth and tongue down your throat as he picked up the pace, pounding into you with relentless force.

The feeling of need that had erupted between your legs as soon as his lips had touched yours, quickly turned into an unbearably urgent need for release. Building up with every thrust of him. 

"God, Loki, yes. Oh god. Please. Loki. Please."

"I need you." He licked along your throat. "I need you so badly."

You put your hands flat on the counter to support yourself as you opened your legs further for him and bucked your hips up against his.

A few thrusts later, Loki sank his teeth into your neck with a lustful grunt, biting down hard. The pain of the bite seared through you, pushing you over the edge, accompanied by an embarrassing noise that left your throat.

Your bodies tensed and Loki rode out his peak with short, deep thrust, teeth staying buried in your neck and you whimpered softly. 

When he finally let you go, you collapsed backwards, bracing yourself on your elbows, while Loki's head came to a rest on your chest. 

"I love you." His voice was soft and he was out of breath.

_I love you too._

You ran your fingers through his hair.

"I don't know what to do with you." You sighed. "One moment you call me your fiancee, the next you pounce on me and accuse me of attempted murder, you fuck me like hell's broken loose - and then you finally tell me what I needed to hear all along."

He groaned softly.

"I am not very good at this, it seems."

"No, you're not." You stated, doing your best to sound cold. When Loki looked up, you were a little pleased to find a shadow of worry in his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but you interrupted him. 

"But I guess, if you plan to fuck me like this every time we run into a problem, I think I can forgive you." You smirked and Loki narrowed his eyes. " _This_ time."

His gaze changed instantly, glinting with mischief and desire. 

"I haven't even _started_ fucking you properly, little minx."

You raised an eyebrow.

"Oh?"

Loki's lips widened into a devilish and yet undeniably sweet smile. 

"You are becoming brazen and reckless, my sweet lover. I shall make sure that you get _exactly_ what you deserve."

The tone of his voice sent a chill through your very bones. 

_Oh god, yes, please._

"Little vixen." Loki chuckled darkly and pushed himself upright, slowly pulling out of you.

You gasped at the loss. He moved to the side to fetch a hand towel and cleaned you carefully, before he discarded it into the bin and pulled you off the counter and against him, so that you had to look up to meet his gaze.

His fingers brushed your cheek.

"It was the bite that pushed you over the edge. You came from the pain, didn't you?" He held your gaze, pupils dilated and his eyes almost black.

Your eyes shifted back and forth between his. You were afraid of the implication his question inferred, but you knew he was right. Nevertheless you were afraid of this.

"I don't like it when you hurt me, Loki." Was all you could answer, your voice shaking a little.

"I will only ever do so with your consent, and even then, only to give you pleasure." There was this soft husky voice that he used when he wanted to bend you to his will. 

"No, Loki." Boundaries. You needed clear boundaries.

_A clear NO would surely work with him._

"That did not sound convincing, kitten." He purred, catching your lips with his and kissing you tenderly until you moaned against his mouth.

_Maybe not ..._

"I want you to submit to me." He breathed against your lips. "Completely and unconditionally."

You felt a jolt between your thighs. An almost painful jolt of pleasure and your fingers clutched the fabric of his shirt. You tried to avert your eyes, but you couldn't. 

There was something in Loki's gaze that made you want to comply with his request.

"And if I do?"

"I will take care of you. I will never take more than you are willing to offer."

You brought your hands up his chest, unsure if you wanted to run from him or do as he asked. He brought things out in you that scared you and right now, he had a darkness in his eyes that made you wary. 

You had brought the collar from his room in England. You had kept it, even after he had broken your heart and sent you away. 

You couldn't escape this, could you?

_Good god, this man was well and truly messing you up._

"I can wait." He kissed your cheek. "Until you're ready."

"And what - if I never am?"

"You already are." He drew his lips along your cheek. "It is merely your morality holding you back. I abandoned morals a long time ago."

This was exactly what scared you. He did not seem to have any boundaries or inhibitions.

Loki took a small step forward, forcing you to take a step back, while he trailed kisses along your jaw, he slowly guided you backwards until your backside hit his desk. That's when he pressed his groin into you and you could feel his hardness.

_Good god._

"You want it." He cooed seductively, hands roaming up to your breasts. "You want to be at my mercy."

His tongue slithered along your jaw and you felt your hips bucking against him on their own accord.

"Yes." you heard yourself say. "But I don't want you to hurt me."

"I am aware." He suddenly stepped back and regarded you with lidded eyes then his gaze changed and he gave you a stern look.

"Take off the dress and turn around."

You did not even question him but pulled your dress over your head and turned around.

"Lean forward. Elbows on the desk."

_Sweet Mother of God, why did this turn you on?_

You did as he asked, placing your hands on the desk. For a moment nothing happened, then you felt him step up behind you. It thrilled you. To the core.

"Loki-"

"Hush. Do not move. Or speak."

His flat hands smoothed up your back, over your shoulders and down your arms, before they slipped down the sides to cup your lace covered breasts. His touch was electrifying and your breath hitched.

He pushed your legs apart with his and leaned over you, pressing his hips against your ass, then his fingers tugged the lace down and brushed over your bare flesh, kneading and pinching until your breath came in short bursts and you felt as though you were going to go insane from his touch.

"Please."

"Quiet." He ordered and another rush of arousal cursed through you.

His teeth sank into the small of your neck, not in a painful, but in an assertive way that made you hold still instinctively and arch you backside up against him. Loki growled and you moaned loudly in response.

You closed your eyes and your mouth fell open as he held you. One of his hands came to your throat, his fingers gliding upwards, dipping into your open mouth and you curled your tongue around them. He responded by digging his teeth deeper into your neck. You closed your lips around his digits to suck them and he groaned. 

Then he pulled away, leaving you entranced and aroused and unable to move. You could feel your heart beat frantically. You could feel your body ache for his touch.

You heard him slip his belt from his pants and a moment later, it landed on the desk in front of you. 

His fingers threaded into your hair and he pulled you upright, your back against his chest, his free hand stroking your throat.

"I want to collar you so badly, kitten." His lips were right next to your ear. "I am trying so hard to manipulate you into submitting to me and yet you resist."

He tightened his fingers in your hair and nibbled on a sensitive spot under your ear while he gently squeezed your throat.

"I want to break you." He whispered. "I want you kneeling at my feet, entirely at my mercy. I want to own you like a pet and fuck you like a whore." He sucked in a breath. "I wish for you to be my rightful mistress. And I am dying to make love to you so tenderly that you beg me to stop. I want to revere you as my sweet beloved and worship you as my Goddess. Don't you see what you are doing to me? I wish to be at once your master and your faithful slave."

HIs free hand ran down the front of your body, teasing along the hem of your briefs.

"That belt is far too tempting." He slowly drew his fingers back up your body, "Because, I want to put it around that beautiful throat of yours and hear you plead for me to take it off as I fuck you senseless on my desk."

You bit your lip and shivered, your core throbbed in desperate need. The things he said, the way he touched you -

"And you want it too, don't you? To be at my mercy." He brushed a kiss on the shell of your ear and you let out a groan. Then he let go of your hair and stepped back, you stumbled, grasping the desk for balance.

"I'm a depraved man with no morals and I am asking you to leave yours behind. But I - could _never_ force you. Or hurt you. No matter how much I desire it, do you understand?"

You nodded. And then he turned you around and pulled you into his arms, hugging you tightly.

"I am sorry for doing this to you. I told you to run. Asked you to leave me. But now - now - I cannot let you go. I will not let you go."

You brought your hands up to cup his face. 

_Beautiful god._

"It's far too late to run from you, because you've ruined me for other men." You breathed.

He chuckled softly and nipped at your lips before he buried his face in the crook of your neck . 

"I still want to fuck you." He whispered sweetly, astounding you yet again how he could switch from dangerous, dominant predator to sweet lover.

You let your hands slide down his front to undo his slacks and reached inside to stroke his already impressively hard member. You wanted him so badly after all the teasing. 

"And how - do you want me?"

"I don't care." He breathed, groaning into your ear "As long as I am inside you."

"Loki." You muttered and felt your core melt. 

You slid one of your hands between your thighs, pushed the lace of your panties aside and aligned his hardness with your entrance. He purred shamelessly as he sank himself into you. You brought your legs up around his hips and leaned back onto his desk until you were on your back, reaching behind you to hold onto the edge. 

Loki's gaze held yours as he hooked his arms under your knees and brought them over his shoulders, folding you in half, as he leaned over you, his face just above yours. 

Those glacier pools were drawing you in, even in the dim light of his office. He regarded you for a moment before he started moving, taking you in deep, fast strokes.

"Harder." You moaned.

And he fucked you hard, locking his gaze with yours, as you clung to the edge of the table panting.

Watching him above you with your legs over his shoulders, feeling his body pressing down on yours uncomfortably and the sensation of his length stroking your insides, it did not take long to push you over the edge and he smiled as he kept riding you through your orgasm. 

You brought your hand up to his cheek and he leaned into it, turning his head so that he could catch your thumb in his mouth and suck on it. You rubbed the pad of your thumb over his tongue, pushing it slightly deeper into his mouth and he moaned. 

"Come for me." You whispered and his eyes closed, sucking your finger harder, quickening his thrusts. "Come for me, Loki."

He let go of your fingers and collapsed on top of you, groaning your name and burying himself deep inside you. 

 

***

 

"Hi Scott." You leaned in and pressed a kiss on your brother's cheek. 

He was waiting or you in front of the restaurant you had arranged to meet in. 

"Hello, little sister." He smiled, but you noticed it did not reach his eyes. 

Your brother held the door to the restaurant open and followed you inside. 

After you settled at a table and ordered, you looked at him. 

"Look, Scott, about Loki -"

His expression changed from composed to indignant.

"How on earth did you get involved with him? His _fiancee_? Is this true or was he just trying to get to me?"

"Scott! He did not even know we were related until I told him."

"He knew it when he introduced you as his fiancee." Scott shook his head. "Girl, do you know what you are getting yourself into?"

You looked at him with large eyes.

"Is it true? You are engaged with this -" He caught whatever he was going to say and just muttered, "Dad's going to be pissed."

"What? Why? What is the problem you have with him?"

Scott leaned forward slightly. 

"What is our problem? He's a snake and a philanderer. Sis, I'm sorry, but he's screwing half of the women in his club, you can't be serious about _marrying_ him?"

"I - Stop! Stop, Scott. Even if you hate him, can you just have enough respect for me not to say things like this? He's _not_ screwing the women in his club - anymore."

He's screwing me in his club now. You thought, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks. 

"He's not good enough for you."

"I know that he seems like an asshole, but he's - well, he's not what it seems. You don't know him like I do."

"That's exactly what she said." He shook his head.

"What who said?"

"Hope."

"W-what do you mean?"

"He seduced Hope a couple of years ago to get some information about dad's company and our business."

"Loki - _seduced_ \- Hope?"

"She said exactly the same things. That he was different. He wasn't who we thought he was, that he loved her. He did this whole ridiculous thing of sending her flowers on end and romancing her and when he had the information he needed he dropped her like a hot coal." He looked at you to gage your reaction. "That is why we hate him. She hates him."

There was an awkward silence. 

You were not entirely sure how to handle that information.

The fact that Loki had seduced your older sister and toyed with her feelings - which was utterly ridiculous and insidious considering how cold-hearted she you knew her to be.

You felt a twinge in your heart. For the first time, you actually felt sorry for Hope. You knew what it was like to be ditched by the devil and how much it hurt. 

_Oh, yes, she would hate him, alright?_

The trouble was that she would hate _you_ even more once she found out that whatever was going on between you and Loki was real.

"Tell me that it isn't real." Scott said. "Tell me that you're not in love with him."

You raised your eyes to him and there was no need for you to speak a single word, as your feelings were clearly written all over your face. 

Scott side and pressed his fingers into the corners of his eyes. 

"He's a selfish bastard. He isn't capable of love."

You swallowed. 

Of all the women Loki had seduced, did he have to seduce your sister?

Holy Jesus, there went your naive dreams of happy family gatherings. 

"Has he hurt you?" Scott suddenly asked, sounding slightly alarmed.

"What?"

"You said that you weren't feeling well. Did he hurt you? I'll kill him if I ever find out he hurts you."

_Uh._

You stared at him.

"He - Loki almost died in London and tried to ..." leave you? Break your heart? Push you away? 

Anything you would say would surely set Scott off on another rant.

"He tried to keep me safe and refused to see me for a while. I was upset, that's why I wasn't feeling well."

"Safe? From what? From himself?" Scot scoffed.

Then he paled and you could literally see realisation dawning on his face. 

"In London? Was he - he was the friend you were seeing in hospital?"

You nodded. Scott swallowed.

_Should you ask him outright?_

_Did you attempt to kill him?_

"Did I - did I what?"

Oops. You had said it out loud.

Scott's face paled, then it flushed with anger.

"Is that what the son of a bitch told you?"

You flinched a little at his choice of words.

"Can't you see what he's trying to do? He's turning you against us!"

You shook your head.

"No, please, Scott. He's not!"

Your brother clenched his teeth. 

"First he used Hope, now he uses you! I'm not going to watch another sister suffer from this man."

"Scott. He's not. Why would he do such a thing? I mean, what would he even gain from turning me against my family?"

"Mum left her part of the company and a large part of her fortune to you - it's in her will apparently. That's the reason I'm in New York, to go through her will with Hela."

"Why Hela?"

"Because Hela and Odinson Law drafted her will."

_What?_

"If the family hates Loki, why would mum draft her will with Hela?"

"Because she trusted her. She didn't trust Loki though."

You leaned back in your chair. 

The food arrived, but somehow you did not feel like eating. 

"What- what does that mean that she left me her part of the company?"

"That you are a shareholder in dad's business now."

"Why? Why would she do that to me?"

Scott sighed. 

"She loved you. She wanted you to come back to the family, I guess."

"But what if I don't want to?"

"You can refuse, of course. That is what we have to discuss with Hela. But I understand now why Loki is trying to make you believe that he loves you. If you become a shareholder in dad's company, Loki will gain a lot of confidential information about the business. Enough to give him what he needs to bring dad down."

Bring ... ?

"Why - why would he want to bring dad down?"

"Because he thinks that dad was involved with the kidnapping of his children thirteen years ago."

_No way._

You leaned forward and rubbed your forehead. 

You shook your head. 

_This was sounding more and more like a cheap soap opera. No, no this was not happening._

"He's going to do whatever it takes to avenge his children. Even marry the daughter of the man he hates. And he will want you to agree to the will and take over mum's part of the company. Good god, this is much worse than I thought. How did he find out who you are?"

"What do you mean?"

"He must have dated you for that reason. Because of who you are."

"He did not date me. I started _working_ for him."

"He hired you? That makes sense, they always do a thorough background check on their employees."

"Loki did not hire me. Hela did."

Scott frowned.

"Hela?"

You nodded.

"Odin said that Loki doesn't even know whose daughter I am."

"Odin?"

Scott's face dropped.

"I understand now."

"Well, I don't!"

"In London - dad was at the Tate Gallery even and he met Odin there. I heard that there'd been an incident was it - Loki who got poisoned?"

You nodded.

"So they're trying to frame dad for attempted murder." He muttered.

You stared at him, attempting to collect all the information that you had been given over the past ten minutes and put it together. 

It felt oddly surreal.

Your lover had seduced your sister, your dad may be involved in the death of Loki's children, your mum had left you a company and a large sum of money, your brother thought Loki was using you to destroy your father and Odin was trying to frame your dad for murder and Scott was -

"You're a thief?"

He looked up at you, a little confused about your question.

"You said _'I'm a thief, not a murderer.'_ "

He shrugged. 

"Well, I guess you know that we're not necessarily on the right side of the law, so - you might as well know -  yes. I'm a thief. A high-class burglar."

"Uh - and - what does that mean?"

"Maybe it's better if you don't know to much. Let's just leave it there."

You took a deep breath. 

Just when you thought that life was taking a turn for the better, it seemed that life had just taken an entirely different turn. 

"What about - Hope? What does she do?"

"We are a team. Partners."

"Oh."

"So, I'm - I'm basically part of a family of criminals?" and in love with a lawyer. 

_Sweet Lord have mercy._

Scott knitted his brows. 

"I'm sorry. I know you never fitted in. That's why mum and dad tried to marry you off - into a good family. You're different, always were."

He reached forward to take your hand and squeeze it. 

"But we do love you and I will do anything to prove to you that Laufey's bastard is not good enough for you."

 

 

_*When you're in hell....." is quote from Joe Abercrombie, Half a King_


	51. Heaven's doorstep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience and kudos and comments! I know it's been a while, and my health is improving, so that's good :)
> 
> Hope you will enjoy this chapter!!!

The conversation with your brother gave you plenty to ponder over. Amongst all the things Scott had revealed to you, the fact that your family seemed to rather hostile towards Loki bothered you the most. You felt as though you had landed in the middle of some Shakespearean drama.

And quite frankly, you would have loved to run. To leave everyone and everything behind and find a place where you could lead a peaceful life without being involved in intrigues and the dramas of other people.

With a sigh you entered the elevator to Loki's penthouse and stared at your reflection in the mirror. 

Of course, there was no such place. It was a world that only existed in your head. A world that you had escaped to ever since you were a child, but no matter how often you ran away and attempted to hide, life would always catch up with you. 

Apart from that, this time, you a reason to stay. A slightly insane, unpredictable and undeniably addictive reason with pale skin, long dark eyelashes and eyes the colour of glacier water. 

No matter what Scott had told you, you trusted Loki. Most of all, you did not believe that he would never use you to harm your family.

The elevator opened and you stepped out into the elegant foyer, finding the door to the penthouse apartment wide open, so you entered and shut it behind you.

Loki had invited you over for dinner. It was the first time you would spend the night in his penthouse, the thought made your stomach flutter and churn at the same time, because as romantic as it was, this was also the place where your dark god had bedded many of his conquests - male and female. You almost expected there to be a hidden chamber with all sorts of BDSM items and the fantasy repelled you and excited you in equal measure.

_Girl, get a grip._

You stepped into a spacious living area. The place was stylish but surprisingly simple. A lounge with a polished marble floor, dark green leather couches and massive floor to ceiling windows that offered a magnificent view of the city. There were several planters with small trees, shrubs and ferns that gave the room a natural rather than sterile atmosphere.

The wall on your right was almost entirely covered in bookshelves that reached up to the ceiling, apart from a part that had been turned into a living green wall planted with ferns and orchids. In its centre, framed by green leaves was a large stone relief that served as a water feature, the soothing sound of the trickling water drew you closer, and you smiled when you noticed that the stone depicted a dancing Shiva. It was about five foot tall and carved out of sandstone with impressive detail. You could not help but gape in admiration. It was utterly beautiful.

"You are admiring the wrong god, kitten. I am going to get jealous, if you keep staring at him."

You turned and found Loki standing in the open plan kitchen, behind you, stirring a pan. His gaze was focused on the cooking, but you could make out a small smile on his lips, so you walked over, wrapped your arms around his lean body and pressed your own against his back. Loki purred.

“I've missed you, my handsome god.” You pressed against him a little more and one of his hands came to a rest on top of yours.

“You are tense.” He stated as he rubbed the back of your hand with the pad of his thumb. "How did your lunch date go?"

“It wasn't quite as much fun as I hoped it to be.”

Loki's fingers tightened over your hand. 

“What - did he tell you?” 

“Can you just kiss and ravish me first, please?”

He pushed the pan away from the flame and turned around, bringing his hands up to your face, fingers brushing your cheeks as he leaned down to kiss you.

A sweet and gentle kiss.

His tongue dipped into your mouth, languidly stroking yours and you savoured the tenderness that lay in the gesture. When he pulled away to look at you, his gaze was filled with concern. 

“What did he tell you, love?” His voice was deep and soft, like velvet, it was the kind of voice that made you want to melt and obey him without second thoughts. 

“He said that _my_ family hates you for seducing my sister, that _your_ family is trying to frame my dad for murder and that _you_ are just using me to harm my family.”

Loki's eyes rested on you for a moment, then he bent down to press another kiss on your lips.

“And why, pray tell, why would you still want me to ravish you after hearing all that?”

“Because, I trust you and I can't quite deal with all this right now and it always works for you. Sex, I mean. You use it to deal with feelings or situations you can't deal with. So, maybe I should give it a try?”

Loki chuckled softly and pulled you close.

“As much as I would love to ravish you, I don't think it works for you in the same way that it works for me. You need to _talk_ about your feelings, that is what I find so unbearably irritating about you.”

You sighed and nuzzled your face to his chest.

"Unbearably irritating, huh?"

"M-hm. In a good way."

"I can _irritate_ you in a good way?"

"No matter what you do, you always do it in a good way." He purred against your hair.

"You are just trying to make me feel good." You muttered into his chest, pressing your nose against the smooth fabric of the fine cotton shirt.

"Because I love you."

The words made you melt against him.

"You have every reason to doubt me, kitten, but you choose to trust me. So, I shall do my best to be deserving of that trust."

Your hugged him tighter. This was exactly why you loved him. 

Loki planted a kiss on top of your head.

“Let's sit down and eat and talk.” He waited until you nodded before he pulled away. 

"What are we having?" You glanced around him to get a glimpse of what was hidden in the pan he had been stirring when you walked in. 

"Carbonara and Italian antipasti. And, if you still feel the desire for me to ravish you afterwards, we will have dessert - in the bedroom." Loki's voice dropped to a low growl when he spoke the last words and you felt a throb between your thighs.

"You're the devil." You sighed.

"And proud of it." He filled two plates with pasta from the pan and sauntered through the lounge towards the open terrace doors.

You followed him outside. The terrace was not big, but your eyes widened in surprise. The view of the city was breathtaking, but the wooden deck with a small garden that Loki had created out here was utterly enchanting. In the middle of it was a table that was laid for two and decorated with a flower arrangement and flickering candles. There was a side table with the kinds of Italian treats you had come to love while traveling with Loki and he had even thought to get a bottle of the wine you had enjoyed so much at Darcy's. 

"Wow." 

"I take your inelegant uttering of rapture as an expression of approval."

Loki smirked as he settled in one of the chairs and you followed suit sitting down opposite from him, watching him open the bottle of wine.

"It's been a while since you've teased me about my language."

"Because I allowed myself to get distracted by other talents that your tongue undeniably possesses." He poured you a glass and held it out to you. You sipped on your wine and felt a smile spread on your lips. 

"This setting really reminds me of Italy and Darcy's."

"Italy was where we first shared a bed." He offered you a lopsided grin and popped a fork full of pasta into his mouth. "And you shamelessly stared at my backside." He added with a touch of amusement in his tone.

"I stared at your backside, because you decided to cover your most precious possession with a pair of crumpled jeans."

Loki exploded in laughter. 

"My most _precious_ possession? Listen to you, my brazen little minx. I remember that you turned bright red and desperately attempted to focus on my eyes."

You sniggered as you recalled quite likely the most embarrassing and exciting morning of your life.

"I really actually just hoped that you would climb back into bed and abuse me. I mean, after seeing Michelangelo's masterpiece in the flesh, my art loving soul was thoroughly overwhelmed."

Loki snorted and you realised you had not seen him laugh like this for a while. So carefree.

"Abuse you? I knew it! And I was trying to be a gentleman, I should have just followed my instincts and devoured you for breakfast."

"We would never have made it to Milano, if you had - or anywhere else for that matter."

"Probably not. Well, Darcy would have thrown us out at some stage, I guess." He chuckled and you drank in the lightness that reflected on his features. The perfect row of ivory teeth, the small dimples that appeared on his cheeks when he laughed, the colour of his eyes that seemed to lighten when he was in a good mood. 

"Is there a special reason to get treated to a delicious Italian dinner and a beautiful, good-humoured god?"

His eyes glinted with mischief.

"Maybe."

"Really? What is it?"

Loki put another fork full of pasta into his mouth pretending that he had not heard you. Judging by the way the corners of his mouth twitched upwards, he was enjoying himself and you knew that he would probably not relent and just tell you.

"A surprise?"

"Maybe."

"A good one?"

His eyebrows rose in a frown and those ocean eyes regarded you with utter innocence.

"Is your faith in me so brittle, my love?"

"To have faith in a pagan god is always be questionable."

"Pagan gods are far more interesting than other gods." He offered, a smug smile tugging on the corners of his mouth.

"Are they now?"

"They are savage. Unpredictable. Indomitable. And rumour has it that some are fiercely virile."

"Fiercely virile." You repeated with a smirk on your lips. "I guess, I'll have to test that theory."

You chuckled, twisted some pasta onto your fork and put it into your mouth. 

"Oh my god." You hummed, closing your eyes. "Loki, this is divine."

Loki's eyes narrowed in satisfaction and his lips widened into a smile as he watched you, evidently pleased with your reaction, but he refrained from saying anything. You had not realised just how good a cook Loki was. 

"It's good you're a great cook, because I'm not that good in the kitchen. And you managed to create a vegetarian carbonara that's even better than the real thing."

You grinned and put another forkful in your mouth. Loki picked up his fork and started eating. For a while you ate in comfortable and satisfied silence, enjoying the food and the relaxed atmosphere. That was until your phone went off.  You pulled it out of your bag with the intention of switching it to silent, but when you saw the name on the display you changed your mind and swiped your finger along the screen instead.

"Hi Adam."

Loki's fork dropped on the table with a clank and you quickly reached out to place your hand on his arm, squeezing it gently, your eyes searching his gaze.

_"Hey baby. Just wanted to make sure you're ok?"_

"I am. Thanks to you, I am."

_"So - it worked? Did you get him back?"_

"M-hm. I did."

_"I am happy to hear that. Really. Can't say that I'm not a little jealous though. He's a lucky man."_

"He is. A very lucky man." You said and smiled, while Loki's eyes narrowed dangerously.

_"I'm leaving New York tomorrow morning, but I would like to stay in touch, if that's fine with you."_

You had hoped that he would not merely disappear again. 

"I would like that."

You thought you heard a small sigh of relief on the other end of the line. 

_"Great. I come to New York quite a bit, so it would be nice to meet with people I feel comfortable with."_

Loki's gaze that turned more icy by the minute. 

"That would be nice, yes."

_"I'm happy we met again after all those years. I better let you go now."_

"I am happy too, Adam. Let's stay in touch."

Loki growled softly and you tightened the grip on his arm and glared at him.

_"Yes. Look forward to it. Take care, lovely."_

"Take care, Adam. And thank you again, I wouldn't have had the courage to try and get him back, if it hadn't been for you."

The ice in Loki's eyes melted a tad but he could not suppress an annoyed huff.

_"You deserve it. But if he ever pulls this kind of thing again, let him know that he's not going to get you back."_

You chuckled softly. Even with all his gentleness Adam was still adorably possessive.

"I will. Take care now. Bye, Adam."

_"Bye, baby."_

He hung up and so did you.

"What the hell --" Loki started but you lifted your hand to stop him.

"I didn't take this call to humiliate you or hurt you, Loki."

"What other reason would you have to speak to your lover in front of me?"

"Adam is _not_ my lover." You gave him a stern look, but you could see the hurt behind the cold anger, so you chose to speak in a softer tone when you continued. "The reason I took the call is, because I trust you and I want you to trust me."

"How would I trust you, if you speak to him, flirt with him, chuckle."

"How would you have felt, if I'd gotten up and walked inside to speak with him? Like I had something to hide, or was embarrassed to speak to him in front of you?"

He blinked.

"I have nothing to hide. I have nothing to say to him that I cannot say in front of you and I wanted you to know that. I know you're jealous, but if I feel that I need to keep my calls or messages to Adam a secret, then it means that you don't trust me. That is why I took the call instead of turning it down and calling him back tomorrow, at a time when you're not around."

Loki stared at you and it was impossible for you to read him. You felt a pang of conscience. Had it been too cruel to rub it into his face? To speak to the man you had slept with mere days ago would bring up a lot of guilt in Loki. And pain. You had not thought about that.

"I didn't mean to make you feel bad." You said carefully.

"You made me feel furious, not bad. I guess, your motive was entirely honourable though. I just cannot stand the thought of you and him."

"There is no me and Adam, Loki. That's what I'm trying to make clear. There is only a me and you. No one else."

He nodded and took your hand in his.

"You are cruel." He muttered, but his voice had lost its edge.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to pretend I'm not in touch with him. If I did and you found out one day, what would you do?"

"Kill him." He deadpanned.

You chuckled and shook your head, then you leaned forward.

"Kiss me, my savage Pagan god."

His eyebrow rose and his soft lips found yours. When they parted slightly, you pushed your tongue inside his mouth and languidly stroked it with yours, feeling his fingers tighten around your hand and enjoying the small moan that escaped his throat. He broke the kiss first and leaned his forehead against yours.

"I admit that your possessiveness is rather attractive."

"And your disobedience demands punishment." The words were spoken in a low growl that seemed to vibrate right through you, eliciting a tingle of pleasure. 

"Why on earth does this kind of thing turn me on?" 

"Because you crave submission." He breathed.

You shook your head. 

"No? Then tell me, my sweet girl, what would you do if I were to yank you to your feet and drag you into the bedroom. If I used my belt to tie your wrist, and force you to lie over my lap. Would you enjoy that?" His forehead was still against yours, and his hand slid to the back of your neck, fingers fisting your hair. Your breath hitched. "And what if my hand would push your dress up your thighs to find the hem of your briefs and pull them down, slowly. Exposing the soft skin of your backside to me. So pale. Untouched. My fingers would smooth over the skin of your ass while I would reprimand you. I would whisper to you all those ways that you needed to be disciplined. To be taught a lesson in obedience. so you would know who you belonged to. How you needed to be punished for disappointing your - daddy."

"Loki!" You pulled back. "Stop it."

He chuckled darkly. 

"Bad girl. You just earned yourself more punishment."

_Jesus, were you really getting turned on by his spanking phantasies? This kind of thing just did not turn you on - normally._

"It - this kind of thing doesn't turn me on." As soon as the words were out of your mouth you realised how weak your voice was. 

"Is that so?" Loki leaned back and regarded you. "Take off your briefs then and hand them to me."

"What?"

He tsked. 

"You heard me, kitten."

You squirmed in your seat, before you slid your hands under your dress and up your thighs and did as he asked. Loki took them off your hand and ran his finger over the lace before he pressed his nose into the fabric and inhaled deeply. 

_Unbearably obscenely erotic man._

"It doesn't turn you on, does it? I beg to differ. The evidence is all over this pretty piece of lace, love, it is soaked with your juices."

Was that a blush that crept on your cheeks? They felt terribly hot all of a sudden. How could this man still make you blush with his shamelessness and his way of making you want things that lay beyond your comfort zone?

You pressed your thighs together.

Loki held your gaze, then he suddenly laughed. A gentle laugh. 

"Relax, darling. I will not punish you - yet. Not tonight at least. Apart from that, it is far more enticing to hear you beg me to punish you." You narrowed your eyes. 

"I don't think that will ever happen."

"We will see."

He was far too confident for his own good. You decided it was a good time to eat more of your pasta and distract yourself from possible punishments Loki could subject you to and by the time you had finished your plate, the conversation with Scott returned to your mind and you felt ready to talk, so you pushed your plate away and looked at Loki, who had been watching you eat, while sipping on his wine. You decided to ask about the most pressing question on your mind which was also the only thing that you actually believed to be true and _not merely_ some kind of intrigue or misunderstanding. 

"Is it true what Scott said? Did you seduce Hope?"

Loki took a swig from his wine and his gaze shifted to your lips. It rested there for a while, as though he had forgotten you asked him a question. When he finally spoke, his voice was calm and soft. 

"It was one of those things that happen without being planned - and I would not call it seducing her. She chose to have an affair with me."

_An affair?_

"Scott said you seduced her to gain access to confidential information."

"Partly true. I had not intended to use her, but since she shamelessly flirted with me at a dinner party at her - your - father's house, and made sure to let me know that her husband was away on a business trip the following week, I seized the opportunity."

_That actually sounded like your sister._

"Her husband was a terribly boring man, you can't blame her." Loki added and took another sip from his wine, attempting to appear nonchalant about the fact that he had had an affair with your sister.

"I guess, he _was_. You, on the other hand, would have been terribly charming, once you knew that you could use the situation to your advantage, am I right?"

He cocked an eyebrow.

"Your impervious attitude is impressive, darling."

Well, you had all afternoon to calm your feelings and somewhat come to terms with it.

"I know that I fell in love with a man who is ruthless when it comes to using others for his own advantage."

"You aren't jealous?" He asked clearly on the careful side, but not without a challenge in his tone.

"Why? Is there a reason for me to be?"

He shook his head.

"No. But - you - aren't even appalled, at all?"

"No. Merely exasperated that of all the women in this world, you had to do my sister. It's just going to make everything so much more complicated. It's not that we ever had a good relationship, but this is going to make her hate me." You bit your lip. "Apart from that, it _does_ feel awkward that she knows what you're like in bed -"

"It was a long time ago." He fell in.

"Is it true that you - that she fell in love with you? Did you make her believe you loved her?"

His gaze turned icy at your question.

"Is that what Scott told you?"

"I need the truth, Loki. Even if you were cold-hearted enough to do it - I need to know the truth."

He nodded.

"I admit that I was drawn to her. First and foremost to her ruthlessness. But I ended it when I realised that she developed feelings. She started speaking about leaving her husband for me. I was not in love with her and I never said anything to make her believe so either."

"But did you ever tell her? That you loved her?"

Loki's eyes narrowed. 

"I might be ruthless, but I don't play with a woman's feelings. I told her that her feelings were one-sided and I never saw her again after I ended it, even though she attempted to seduce me a couple of more times."

If Hope had really been in love with him that would have seriously pissed her off. You sighed and leaned back in your chair and Loki's eyes searched yours as he continued.

"I intended to _use_ her, not to hurt her feelings. I never anticipated she would develop feelings for me in the first place. That is the truth."

Holding his gaze, you reached out and placed your hand palm up on the table in front of Loki. After a moment of hesitation he drew his fingertips down the skin of your arm and down to the palm of your hand tracing patterns on your skin. 

"What was the information you were looking for?"

His fingers wrapped around your wrist, the pad of his thumb stroking your skin. 

"Alexis Denisof, the man who abducted my children, had business relations with your father and I wanted to know if there was any connection."

"And did you find anything?"

"Only that the Grandmaster is a fearless and brilliant business man, who knows how to cover his tracks."

"Maybe there isn't a connection. Maybe he just worked for dad."

"Maybe."

"Why do you believe that dad's responsible for poisoning you?"

"We are only suspecting him, because your family has valid reasons to get rid of me."

"My family - they aren't murderers. No matter how bad you think they are, I don't think my dad or Scott would ever -"

"I know they are your family and that you will only ever try to see good in them, and I am sorry, you got dragged into this. We are only suspecting your father, because I may have overstepped the line and stolen confidential information when I worked for your mother and --"

"Wait. You - you worked for mum?"

"As her legal advisor. I have a lot of information that could harm your family and now that your mother has passed away, I have no obligation to confidentiality anymore."

"You were my mum's lawyer?"

Life still stored surprises for you.

Loki nodded.

"She mandated me to find you should she pass away and you had not yet returned to your family." He lowered his gaze to your hands and tightened his hold on you. "Is it not ironic that you found me instead?"

Ironic. Incidental. Or - maybe - _planned_ , like Scott had suggested?

No, it could not be. Loki could not have planned this. When you moved out to the beach Thor had lived there for a while. And it was Thor who had organised the job for you, because he thought that you and Loki would like each other.

_Matchmaker._

Loki had been just as annoyed as you when you ended up working together. It was impossible that he had planned this.

"I can see your mind churning. Will you share your thoughts with me?"

"Scott said that this" You gestured between him and you, "may be just one of your schemes. He suggested that you planned to get together with me."

Loki's eyes snapped up to meet your gaze. They were ablaze with anger when they did and you instantly knew that you could put your doubts to rest. 

"That bloody son o-- that is absolute _bullshit_! I never even read your damn file!" It was a rare thing to hear Loki swear. 

"I told him that Hela hired me and that you didn't know who I was at the time."

"I liked you and I wanted to keep it like that, that's the reason I never read your file. You were so beautifully honest and pure, I had no desire to know anything about your past that could spoil you." He heaved a sigh and stared down at your hand, sliding his thumb down to the centre of your palm. "And still, when I found out last night, I doubted your truthfulness, so I guess, it is only fair to suspect me of deceiving you."

"Maybe fate brought us together, after all."

"Fate and a sister who likes to meddle with people's lives. Especially her little brother's."

He withdrew his hand and rubbed his face.

"She knew who you were this whole time and never mentioned a single thing to me - not even when we opened your mother's will. What was she thinking?"

"What do you mean, when you opened my mother's will? You know about her will?"

"Of course know about it. I drafted it for her, dove."

Right, he had been her lawyer. 

"I don't get it. Scott said that mum was Hela's client. Why didn't he mention you at all?"

"Because your mother tried to hide it from your family, knowing that Hope would be hurt if she kept me as her lawyer."

"But why? Why - if you hurt my sister and stole information? Why would mum still want you?"

A thought crossed your mind and you felt the blood drain from your face and your throat tighten. 

"You didn't - did you?"

"Didn't what?" Loki's eyebrows knitted together in a frown.

"You didn't - have sex with her, did you?"

To your relief and annoyance, he burst into laughter.

"It's kind of the first thing that comes to mind when it comes to you and women - sorry." You shrugged and chewed on your lip. Loki leaned over the table pressing his thumb against it. 

"You will start bleeding if you keep doing that. It is my own fault that I have a seriously tainted reputation and you think me a slut. And I was not exactly doing my best to make you believe otherwise. But -" He paused and held your gaze. "I swear that I never slept with your mother."

You placed your fingers over his hand. 

"I don't - think you're a slut. I just - I just think you slept with a lot of women and it still surprises me that you can actually be loyal. And in a monogamous relationship."

"Define monogamous."

You must have looked shocked, because he smiled sweetly and pulled your hand to his lips. 

"I am more than satisfied to share my bed only with you, but if you ever wanted to invite anyone to share _our_ bed, I would not be adverse to the idea."

_Lord in heaven. He's doing it again. Messing with you._

Now you felt your cheeks heat up and the fact that the tip of Loki's tongue was sliding over your knuckles did not lessen the effect of either your arousal or your embarrassment. 

"You know I find women or men equally attractive." He said brazenly and bit down on your finger. "So, you could choose whatever you are comfortable with."

Loki grinned sheepishly when your mouth opened to protest, then closed. 

"What? No insults? No - Loki you have a filthy, perverted mind? Those things don't turn me on?"

"Sometimes I can't tell if you're teasing me or not."

"I _am_  teasing you." He kissed your knuckles and his smile softened. You surprised yourself when your mouth opened by itself. 

"But - I mean - _would_ you? Would you really share me?" Loki's eyes darkened when he met your gaze.

"Not without your permission, and only if you were prepared to share me too, my love." Your lip quivered at seeing those blue-green eyes burn with barely hidden desire. "I believe though, that you would never be intimate with someone you did not love, so chances are slim that we'll ever have a threesome."

Loki winked, the light returned to his eyes and you let out the breath you had been holding. 

_This man was seriously messing you up._

You cleared your throat and emptied your glass of wine. 

"I could do with a little more." You held the glass out to Loki and he filled it with a smug smile on his face. "Anyway, back to the matters at hand. My mother's will. How does my family know what's written in her will?"

"She may have told them things before she passed, but I can assure you none of them have read it, because the administration of her will can only be done in your presence. And your mother specifically asked that you would be the only one present at the time, apart from me and Hela."

"She excluded the rest of my family? Why?"

"Because she wanted to give you the chance to make a choice, without being influenced by them. Your mother did not speak much of you, but she deeply regretted having lost you. I think your running away may have changed her, and I also think that she felt an affinity with me, because she knew I had lost my children too. She asked me to help you 'clean up' the company."

"Clean it up?"

"Get rid of all the illegal things. In case you decided to become a shareholder. If you should decided against it, she left you some money and securities."

"So, becoming a shareholder and working with you to 'clean it up' - that would mean going against dad? And Scott?"

"It may. But there's no rush with all this. We can go into the office tomorrow and look through it together with Hela. You will have time to decide what to do."

"Thank you." You placed a hand on your forehead and frowned. "I will need your help with this." Your fingers ran up and down the stem of your glass.

_Had Scott made it all up? So that you would doubt Loki?_

"So, Scott lied to me to drive a wedge between us. To make you look bad."

Loki tipped your chin up so you looked at him.

"I would have done the same, if I was in his position. He hates me. I think it is rather natural, that he would make assumptions and try to use them against me. He probably only wants to protect you."

"You think so?"

"At least that is what I am hoping. I do not trust him, but for your sake, I hope he is a protective older brother."

You groaned and let your head sink on the table, resting it on your arms.

"Loki? How _bad_ is my dad? I mean, he's a criminal, right? And you - you suspect him to have slipped something in your drink -"

"He likes to manipulate others and play people out against each other. He certainly hasn't built his little empire on honest work, but to be honest, I never took him as someone who would go to as far as killing people."

 _How reassuring._  

Loki leaned over the table to pet your hair, a sweet and comforting gesture. 

"He is not as bad as you fear he is. I am sorry I blurted out that we are suspecting him, but the discovery that you were his daughter came as a shock, so acted impulsively. I made you worry more than necessary."

"Had you known I was his daughter when you first saw me, would you - would you have used me against my family?"

You raised your head to meet his gaze, and Loki's eyes narrowed as he regarded you.

"You mean, would I have made you my _lover_ in order to harm your family?"

You nodded.

"I might have, but I - I do not know. I believe I would have fallen for you one way or the other."

"Scott's been a good brother. He kept in touch with me over the years. Somehow I hoped that you guys would get along - but it's - it's all so complicated. You and Hope -"

He squeezed your hand lightly. 

"I am sorry."

He gazed at you with those deep ocean coloured eyes that you could lose yourself in and offered you a soft smile. 

"I love you, Loki." You whispered and he leaned over the table to peck your cheek. Then he regarded you for a long moment, before he pulled a silk scarf out of his pocket.

"Time for dessert, then?" There was something in his gaze that made you shiver with anticipation. A glint of mischief mingled with desire.

"Uh. O-ok?" 

He rose and stepped up behind your chair, gently bringing the silk around your head to cover your eyes.

"Italy was also the first place you allowed me to blindfold you."

The cool silk caressed your skin as he tied it behind your head and you remembered the drive to the Vatican, when Loki blindfolded you in the taxi. 

The sound of his steps grew fainter as you heard him walk back into the apartment. You waited patiently. When he reappeared, there was the sound of a container being opened and moment later something cool touched your lips.

A spoon. With ice cream.

"Open up for me, sweet."

Caramel.

You licked your lips.

"Such a good girl." Loki purred in a low voice.

Another spoonful touched your lips.

You parted them willingly. 

"Would you like more?"

You nodded.

"Tell me, kitten."

"Yes, please."

"Good girl."

As he continued feeding you, your fingers tightened around the armrests of your chair. The way he touched your lips with the spoon was incredibly sensual and combined with the whispered praise and the tip of one of his fingers occasionally wiping some ice-cream off your lips, made it the dessert an utterly sinful experience.

"Enough", he finally whispered and the spoon landed on the table with a loud clank. 

You felt his hands on your back, opening the zipper of your dress, pushing it down as he planted kisses along your shoulders.

"Rise." He ordered and you obeyed without hesitation.

The cool evening air hit your exposed skin and you shivered when he pulled the fabric down your body, and you shrieked rather _inelegantly_ when Loki swept you off your feet and carried you inside. 

"What the hell, Loki?"

"Time for me to enjoy _my_ dessert." He growled.

He ascended a short staircase and a moment later you were dumped on a bed that was covered with what felt like satin sheets. Loki's hand pushed lightly against your chest, so you lay back.

"Stay right there. Do not move. And no peeping."

You heard him leave the room but return a moment later.

"Turn over, dove."

His hands smoothed over your shoulders, traced your shoulder blades and came to the clasp of your bra, which he opened and pushed apart. The sudden cold as a spoonful of ice cream touched your back made you flinch, the tongue that followed to lick the ice cream off your skin made you shiver. You fisted the satin sheets as Loki spread more ice cream over your skin, licking and kissing his way down your back. He placed a spoonful of the cold creamy substance right on top of the crack that parted your cheeks. You groaned loudly when his tongue greedily lapped it up. His lips wandered from one cheek to the other, while deft fingers explored your inner thighs. You instinctively spread your legs and lifted your hips. 

"Greedy little minx."

Much to your consternation, Loki pulled away. 

"Loki!"

There was a soft chuckle, then he grabbed your hips and turned you over onto your back. Your bra was discarded before you knew it and a spoonful of cool, half-melted ice cream drizzled down between your breasts, followed by a warm tongue licking and sucking your skin clean. You could feel your nipples harden, as Loki's mouth slid along the swell of your breasts breasts, touching you pretty much everywhere apart from the tight buds that desperately demanded his attention.

"Loki, please."

More ice cream drizzled onto your stomach. More licking, soft moans. Teeth and kisses.

"Please!"

His mouth wandered upwards, coming to a rest between your breasts.

"Please, what?"

He lazily ran his tongue along your skin, following the curve underneath your breast.

You reached for his hair trying to pull him to where you ached for his touch, but he resisted. 

"No touching." He growled against your skin and you instantly let go.

"Then, please. Don't - torture me."

"Hm. I like it when you beg me."

You gave a disapproving groan when his mouth lifted away from your skin, followed by a hopeful moan when he pushed your legs apart to settle between them, on hand running teasingly down your side to squeeze your ass. He was still fully dressed and it took all your willpower to keep yourself from ripping his shirt of him and his pants open.

"Would you like to touch me?" his voice was low purr.

"Y-yes."

"Would you like to feel me?"

"God, yes."

"Would you like to feel me inside you?"

"Yes! Yes, I want you." 

"And what are you be prepared to do to get what you want?"

"What?" 

_Heavens, another one of his games._

As much as you loved them, you also hated them in situations like this, when you were in desperate need of him and he would taunt and tease and make you agree to all sorts of things, you would never agree to, were you in a rational frame of mind. 

_It wasn't fair._

"What would you be prepared to do?"

_Kinky man._

"I- I don't know? What - what do you have in mind?" You bit your lip.

"Chains, knives, maybe a collar ..." You whimpered at his words. "That's what I have in mind, but -" He paused, letting one finger brush over the skin of your thigh.

"But - what?"

"But that's not what I meant. What I meant is a matter of the heart." You felt his weight shift as he leaned forward, his warm breath hitting your skin of your neck, before his lips touched it.

"W-what - did you - mean then?"

He settled the weight of his body on you, pushing you back against the mattress and grinding his hardness right into your warmth. 

"I meant - how _much_ do you want me?"

The fabric of his suit brushed against your sensitive skin and your breath hitched.

"Jesus, Loki. I -"

"Would you be prepared to endure this - for the rest of your life?" He brought his mouth right above your own and nipped at your lower lip. You felt his warm breath fanning over your skin as he asked, "Would you be prepared to - marry me?"

_Uh. Had you heard this right?_

"Did you just - ask me - to -" You stammered.

"I did." 

You stilled, attempting to process what he had just said and Loki lifted his body off you enough to give you room to breathe, but not without coaxing another moan from your lips as he moved his hips.

"Does it frighten you?" He spoke the words against your lips.

You brought one of your hands up and pulled the scarf off your eyes to look at him.

"Not as much as a collar around my neck." Your eyes shifted back and forth between his. "But, I think, it might be pretty much the same thing."

Your dark god smiled and you took a moment to calm your breathing and gather yourself.

_Holy mother of god._

_He had just teased you by licking ice cream off your skin and then, when you were ready to beg him to do whatever he wanted with you, as long as he would do it thoroughly and not waist any more time, he had asked you to marry him._

_Why would you have thought that a proposal from Loki would be like a 'normal' proposal?_

"Shouldn't you be romancing me? I mean with flowers and stuff? Kneel before me and offer me a ring?"

"Is that what you want, my little mistress? For me to _kneel_ before you?" He offered you a lopsided grin and you rolled your eyes.

Loki sat back on his heels and offered you a hand to pull you upright. And that was when your gaze fell on the flowers. All your favourite ones. His bedroom was flooded with flowers. They were everywhere. 

"Oh my god." You whispered.

"I'm right here." He replied and when you turned to face him, he slipped off the bed and dropped to his knees. One hand reached into his pocket and when his fingers unfurled as he held it out to you, there, on his palm lay a beautiful, delicately wrought ring.

"Will you marry me, my beautiful wanton goddess?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YESSSS!!!!


	52. For the love of your god

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will you marry me? ... let's see ...

“Will you marry me?”

The words rang through your mind, leaving you slightly stunned. Somehow, now, that he spoke them out loud, on his knees, offering you a ring, they hit you with full effect.

Sure, Thor had told you that Loki had planned to ask you weeks ago, but the fact that Loki had never mentioned anything to you, made you assume that he was not serious about it. And even when he had called you his fiancee in front of Scott, you knew that he had done it to annoy your brother. For some reason, you never considered that he would _actually_ ask you. For real. You had conveniently pushed the possibility away, so that you would not have to think about it.

Would not have to think about what you would do or say.

_Shouldn't you be squealing and wrapping your arms around his neck right now? Telling him how much you loved him? So, why were you unable to move?_

When you did not say anything, the smile on Loki's face faltered and his gaze wavered.

"I know it has been less than 36 hours that you accepted me back" he licked his lips as if his throat had suddenly gone dry, "and I did not - I mean, I should have – I cannot assume that you have forgiven me, but I planned to ask you this a couple of weeks ago, on our flight back to New York, so I thought – but maybe – I -"

As adorable as it was to see the ever-eloquent Loki stammering, the realisation that he thought you were about to reject him, finally made you scramble to the edge of the bed, lean forward and kiss him, cupping his face with both hands. Loki drew a shuddering breath when you pulled away and pressed your forehead to his. You stayed like this for at least a minute still unsure of how to deal with this situation. 

"I am scared of this." You breathed against his lips, finally breaking the silence.

One of his hands came up to stroke over your arm, before it moved up your shoulder and slipped to the back of your neck, where he fanned his fingers and threaded them through your hair.

"I understand if you need time. It was not my intention to pressure you." His voice was unbearably soft, weak almost.

"It's not that. I'm just - I'm not very good with commitments." You hummed softly when his fingers tangled deeper in your hair. "I'm much better at hiding and running away."

"If this is what you wish", your foreheads were still touching, but Loki's eyes searched yours when he spoke. "I can quit my job and we can leave, go somewhere else - wherever you wish to go – have a new start ... just you and I - no families or problems that come with my job."

You drew away far enough to look at him properly, Loki's ocean-green eyes were deep, open and incredibly vulnerable as his gaze held yours.

_He would do that? Give up everything for you?_

"No, Loki." You heard yourself say. "As much as I wish we could do just that - it's actually not what I want.” You bit down on your bottom lip. Harder than usual. “Nobody has ever asked me to commit to anything like this before. I mean apart from my arranged marriage, that never happened ... I think I am ...  I'm afraid of messing up.”

Loki's thumb smoothed over your lips.

“Then you should know that I'm not expecting anything of you. You are perfect the way you are, so I do not think you would be able to mess this up.” He whispered.

You weren't quite convinced.

“I have some terrible habits you know nothing about.”

“I'm sure I can handle them.” He placed a chaste kiss on your cheek. “But – you do not have to commit to this, if it makes you uncomfortable.”

You shook your head again.

"It doesn't. I'm just - _terrified,_ that's all." You shook your head. "I'm sorry. It sounds like your proposal doesn't make me happy, which it does. I'm very happy. I want to be with you, I just never thought you would actually really ask me. It's all just – a little overwhelming?”

Loki cleared his throat and judging by the way his eyes glinted, he bit back a smile. At least he was not upset with your for being so difficult, but seemed rather amused by your confession. 

"I know that we have only known each other for a few weeks. And I can be impulsive and rash when I do things, but this - _us_ - is something I gave a lot of thought. You have given me so many things in such a short amount of time. Things I thought I had lost entirely. You have made me grow. Allowed me to grow. I hope I can offer the same for you. I wish to do the same for you. Offer you support in whatever you do. Watch you blossom and grow. It is not my intention to tie you down."

"I'm not good with being dependent on others. I've always been my own boss, you know."

"And I do not wish to take that away from you." He nuzzled the side of your face with his nose and the low, velvet voice that resembled a throaty purr, seemed to caress you with the words he spoke. “I love you. With or without a ring on your hand. It is merely a token I can to offer to show you that I am serious about our love, that I wish to take care of you. I wish to trust you the way you trust me. Of course, the compulsively possessive part of my being wants to own you – I want you to be mine and  _only mine_. But my love for you doesn't depend on a ring on your finger, my heart will not change. I want you in my life, so badly, that I wish to share everything I have with you. That's all.”

_That's all._

_How could he say that so_ _nonchalantly? After declaring his love for you so beautifully?_

You wrapped your arms around his neck and slipped off the bed onto his lap, pressing your body to his. “I love you, too, Loki. And I want you.”

His warm breath cascaded down your bare back and elicited a delightful shiver.

“Then accept the challenge and become my wife.”

You nodded, hugging him tighter. “Ok. I'll accept - the challenge.”

Loki's arms came around you and his cheek pressed against the side of your head.

“You never make things easy for me, do you?” He muttered and you held him more tightly, then you felt Loki's chest vibrate with a soft chuckle. “So, since that was a 'yes', may I put that ring on your finger now? Before you change your mind, sweet one?”

His chuckle was contagious and you loosened your hold on him and shuffled backwards. No emotions clouded his eyes as he looked at you, they were deep and clear, then he held your hand in his and slipped the ring on your finger.

“Mine.” He whispered, bringing your fingers to his lips. “My _farfallina_. Pippa will be delighted.” He leaned forward an placed a kiss on the tip of your nose, the tender sweetness of the gesture made your heart melt. 

_Loki's farfallina. Loki's butterfly._

When your gaze fell on the ring on your finger, you could not stop the emotions from welling up inside you. It was an intrically wrought gold ring with two minuscule butterflies, flanking an emerald that was set in the centre. One of the butterflies was decorated with a tiny sapphire, the other one with a diamond. Knowing Loki, he would have given all these small details a lot of thought.

Evidently, one of the butterflies was you. The _farfallina_  and the  _farfallone_. 

"Who - who is the sapphire?" Your eyes flicked up to his, and found his gaze rested on the ring, as he carefully traced his finger over it.

"I am the sapphire.” He smoothed his thumb over the back of your hand. “Sapphire is a stone of wisdom and knowledge, but knowledge and wisdom are worthless unless they are used with pure intent. So, the diamond represents you. It stands for purity and innocence, love, fidelity, strength of character, and faithfulness. That is what you represent to me.”

Tears welled up in your eyes.

_Gah! Of course, if he said deeply romantic and loving things like this, you would start crying._

"What about the emerald?" You sniffled.

“Emerald, also known as the 'Stone of Successful Love'. It nurtures the heart and provides healing to all levels of the being. It embodies unity, compassion and unconditional love." His eyes came up to meet yours. "It is particularly known for providing domestic bliss, contentment and loyalty – all things I wish to offer you."

_Domestic bliss, contentment and loyalty ... all things I wish to offer you?_

_H_ _ow was it possible that this man could be so incredibly romantic, thoughtful and loving? He had a ring made especially for you and he had put an astounding amount of thought into it. Of course, because everything that Loki did, he did properly. Even marriage proposals._

"You're a hopeless romantic, you know that?" You hoped you offered him the sweetest smile, "And I love it."  

He lifted your hand to his lips again, before his green-blue eyes settled on you. This time they had a sparkle in them, that was undeniably mischievous.

"Would that be sufficient romancing for the lady? Am I - allowed to ravish her now?" He purred seductively. 

When you blinked, a treacherous tear escaped your eye to roll down your cheek. You shook your head and Loki's eyes narrowed.

“I mean - yes! ... but wait – I just need to get something. Wait here.” You stammered, kissed his cheek and rose to get your bag from where you dropped it in the lounge. When you returned to the bedroom Loki was sitting on the bed, looking at you expectantly one eyebrow elegantly arched. Without a word and without meeting his eyes, you sank down on your knees in front of him and opened your bag. You pulled the collar out of your bag and looked up at him, watching his eyes widen as you offered it to him. 

"I have something for you too." You whispered. 

A myriad emotions flitted across Loki's features, before his face settled into an expression of warm affection. You placed the collar into his hand and held his gaze, chewing on your lip while you waited for him to put it around your neck.

You were ready for it - or rather willing to wear it. But your heart pounded wildly in your chest.

Your dark god regarded you for a long moment, his glacier eyes soft but his gaze steady. Then he reached out and brushed his thumb over your throat, fanning his fingers to allow them to smooth down the column of your throat. His hand lingered at the base. Glacier pool eyes studying yours intently. Then he placed the collar on the bed beside him, grabbed your upper arms and pulled you up onto his lap.

"Not tonight, goddess." He whispered as he drew you into a gentle kiss. His hands carefully cupped your face, keeping a light hold on you, as he turned both of you around and pushed you down on the bed.

"I want you." He muttered into the kiss. "I want you so badly."

You helped him unbutton his shirt and he discarded it without removing his lips from yours. HIs mouth nibbled on your neck, nipping at your skin, as he wiggled out of his pants and you sighed when his bare skin finally rubbed against yours.

“Loki.” With a moan you wound your legs around him. 

“My love.” His mouth wandered downwards, along the swell of your breast, lips teasing your nipple before his teeth grazed it gingerly. Your breath hitched and he answered it with a soft groan.

Your hands roamed down his back, your fingers digging into the muscle.

It was tender. Sweet. And yet filled with incredible intensity.

Everything Loki did was filled with intensity, whether he was sweet or gentle or angry. This was exactly what you loved about him. That he had such intensity about whatever he felt. That he was unpredictable. That he was sassy and rude, as well as sweet and tender. That he cared with all his heart, and that he hated with all his being. That he was incredibly hot when he was jealous and possessive, and that he was unbearably vulnerable in other moments. 

He felt so intensely that he made you feel.

Feel cared for and protected. Respected and loved. Sometimes he made you feel like you'd really like to slap him, and, right now, as you lay in his arms, you knew that you loved even this infuriating trait of his.

You had thought you needed someone to rely on, and that Loki was not that kind of person, when it was really your own concept of reliability that was all wrong.

You loved Loki because he _was_ realiable. You could rely on him being everything you needed - whether it was gentle and sweet or angry or sassy or even possessive. You could rely on him to put you through every emotional state possible and you could rely on the fact that he would bring you back into the safe haven of his love. You could rely on his love. You realised that, while Loki's emotions were like the stormy waves on the surface of the ocean, deep down, inside his heart, was a source of solid tranquility - and that source was love.

"Are you ok, love?" His soft voice broke through your thoughts and you opened your eyes, unaware you had even closed them. Concern was written all over his face as he looked at you, propped up on one arm, the other resting around your waist. You blinked away the blurriness of your tears, so that you could see him, and opened your mouth to say something, but your entire being was so overwhelmed with emotion that you were unable to get a word out.

_You loved him. You really loved him. For all that he was._

"Sweet one ..." His forehead furrowed in a frown.

"I love you, Loki." You choked out in a whisper.

The corners of his mouth tugged upwards and leaned down to brush his lips over your cheek. 

"I feared I had unintentionally done something to upset you."

You sniffled, then you giggled. "I think I love you even _when_ you upset me."

Loki chuckled. 

"I shall remind you of your words next time you are upset with me, my beautiful wife to be."

His last words brought on more tears, which your dark god licked away with the tip of his tongue, before he nuzzled the side of your face with his nose. 

"It wasn't so bad after all, was it?" 

"What?"

"That I asked you to be my wife."

"I guess ... I've experienced worse." You teased. Loki bit down on the shell of your ear and you gave a little shriek.

"Careful, now that you agreed to be mine, appropriate punishment shall be administered when you disrespect your god."

The sheer promise that lay in his words made you purr. 

"Ah, the little minx seems to be in favour of disciplinary methods." His hot breath flushed your skin. 

You threaded your fingers through his hair tightening your grip until he hissed and pulled his head back. You felt him grow even harder against your thigh. 

"It seems that you are not opposed to a little discipline either." You whispered and watched his pupils dilate.

You loved his games. Loved that he wanted you to be an active part in them. 

"Not if it is administered by my favourite goddess." His lips parted, green eyes resting on your face, then he dipped forward in an attempt to catch your lips, so you fisted his hair and held him back.

"You are in need of a collar much more than I am, pet." The effect your words had on him was visible in his eyes and audible in the soft moan that escaped his throat.

"Would you like that?" You asked and he growled softly "Would you like me to _collar_ you - Loki?" 

“Gods, woman, I want you.” He muttered, never taking his eyes of you. "I _need_ you. _Now_."

You let go of his hair and his lips came down on yours in a fiery kiss. You squeezed the soft curves of his ass with your hands as you parted your legs wider and brought them higher up his hips, before you slipped one of your hands between your bodies, wrapping around his hot length. Loki lifted his hips and you rubbed his tip teasingly along your warmth, drawing a deep groan from his throat.

"Stop your teasing, woman." His mouth wandered down your throat, teeth scraping over your skin as he thrust into your hand. 

You tilted your hips up and he sank his teeth into your neck as he entered you, astoundingly and infuriatingly slowly, inch by inch, groaning your name.

He moved in languid, deep strokes, taking his time, pulling out almost all the way, then sinking himself back in to the hilt, reaching a little deeper every time he moved.  Whispering sweet words of love into your ear as he coaxed you to your peak. You kept your eyes open and watched as small beads of sweat formed on his forehead. He studied your face, not taking his gaze of you and yet entirely focused on his movements.

With a groan, he pushed himself up onto his hands, taking you deeper. Your eyes fluttered shut as a wave of bliss rose up and from your core and crashed over you. Those ocean eyes were the last thing you remembered before your body tensed and arched up under him. You wrapped your arms around him. Feeling him. 

"I love you", you whispered. 

"I know", he breathed.

A moment later he tensed and found his own relief, sinking into your arms and against your chest as he whispered your name. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No cliffhanger for once - I'm stoked :)


	53. Bringer of Grief*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi there to all my lovely readers!!
> 
> The last couple of weeks I got swamped with work and my health still isn't at its best so there was no energy or time left for writing. Since I'm back in the States, on my day off, I went for a long walk on Rockaway beach (the beach where Thor and reader live) and I did treat myself to some artistic inspiration and went to see "Betrayal" on Broadway. Never seen Tom performing live and must say he truly has incredible talent and I can only encourage those of you who live in or around New York to come and see the show.  
> Thanks to a ridiculous work coincidence I even got to speak with him briefly and was impressed with his depth and (inner) beauty. He's very good at protecting himself nowadays and it felt a little sad to see that he has grown a lot more withdrawn towards his fans and the media. But - anything really to keep him happy! He's a precious soul.  
> Send him some good vibes. Lots of them. I think he needs them.
> 
>  
> 
> ... and enjoy the next chapter...  
> *"Bringer of Grief" is a rough translation of Angrboda's name.

You felt the slow pulse of Loki's heartbeat against your back, the warmth radiating off his body, which was moulded to yours, soothed you as did the weight of one long leg that was tucked between your own resting against your thighs. For a long time you merely lay there, indulging in the sensations of having him close.

Of _having_ him. Full stop.

It felt so natural. So right.

You took a long, deep breath and relaxed even more into Loki's embrace. It made him purr softly.

He lay perfectly still, apart from his fingers which slowly trailed up your arm and over the back of your hand to intertwine with yours. After another breath or two, he pressed a gentle kiss on your shoulder.

“Good morning, goddess.” He whispered, his voice rough from sleep. You could not help the smile that immediately spread on your lips.

“Good morning, my sleepy god.”

Loki purred again, louder this time, as he stretched and nestled closer to your body.

_Just like a big cat._

“My beautiful wife to be.” He breathed softly into your hair. His teeth gingerly nibbled on your skin. “Now that you agreed to be mine, I cannot wait to call you _wife_.”

You huffed a chuckle.

“You're hopelessly possessive.”

“Hmm. I am.” He pressed his face into your hair and squeezed your hand. “Because I love you.”

“I _know_.” You retorted. "Surprisingly, you didn't get frozen in carbonite after delivering that line last night." 

His chest vibrated with a chuckle.

“I couldn't help it, my _princess_. Han Solo was my childhood hero.”

“God of Mischief.” You sighed softly, then you chuckled. "Tony likes to compare you to Darth Vader."

Loki growled against your skin.

"Do you have to bring Stark into this? So early in the day?" He bit you playfully. "And on an empty stomach."

"Truth be told, he's onto something there. There are quite a few similarities between you and Anakin."

"I would never abandon you for the sake of power."

_No. But you abandoned me out of fear. To protect me for my own good._

You quickly pushed the thought from your mind. You wanted to trust him. 

As if he could read your mind, Loki squeezed your hand in a caring way. Then he leaned over your shoulder brought it to his lips and kissed it.

"I will not - abandon you again." It was whispered so softly, that you wouldn't have caught it, had his mouth not been so close to your ear. Loki retreated and gave you room to turn around and face him.

“How are you feeling today?” His eyes were deep and clear as he looked at you, and yet, the question held a tremendous amount of vulnerability.

“You mean about - becoming Mrs _Odinson_? Or just in general?” Those ocean blue pools shifted between yours as he gave a barely noticeable nod.

"The former."

“Happy. Very happy.”

A wave of relief washed over his features and he lowered his head to catch your lips in a slow, tender kiss. When your lips parted, he did not pull back, but rested his forehead against yours, his warm breath fanning your skin.

“I never thought that I would - ever -” he broke off and took a deep breath, “I would ever be able to say these words to anyone again and truly mean them. I feel happy, too. Not only that. I feel at – _peace_. It is as though I have found my way home.” You savoured the sensation of the silky strands of his hair between your fingers, as you threaded them through it. “Thank you for not abandoning me when I hurt you." The words were whispered against your lips. "For not allowing me to push you away. I hope you can forgive me one day.”

“We'll work things out together from now on.” You replied softly.

Loki nodded. You remained quiet for a long time, until he finally drew back and smiled at you.

“What would you like for breakfast?” There was a tangible tenderness in his voice, and you were once again mesmerised by those ocean green eyes and the fact that this man had the ability to feel so deeply, so tenderly and so intensely.

“You.” You breathed. "I just want you."

A soft chuckle. Loki shook his head.

“As much as I would like to ravish you. I would prefer to spend time with you today without getting distracted by your charms and my innate need to be deep inside you.”

You raised an eyebrow.

“Can you actually do that? I got the impression that pretty much everything you say and do revolves around sex.”

He narrowed his eyes at you.

“It is evident that you have an utterly false perception of me." He purposefully pressed his hips against yours, letting you feel his hardness, a grin spreading on his lips. 

"Utterly false." You affirmed with a chuckle.

“Evidently." Loki purred against your lips, before he buried his face in the crook of your neck. "That is why I would like you to get to know me in other ways.”

“And what ways are you referring to?” You wrapped a dark lock around your finger. 

“I can be … domestic. I _love_ being domestic, but of course, I would never admit that to anyone." He hummed against your skin.

"Evidently." You chuckled. "You won't start behaving all civilised and prudent as soon as we get married, will you?”

A devious smirk flitted across his face, when he lifted his head to look at you.

“Never. Especially now that I have to ease my little kitten into wearing a collar - now, that I can _domesticate_ her." He breathed and you shivered.

_How was it that his words had this kind of affect on you?_

Sweet Lord, you were pretty much swooning.

“But all in good time.” He planted a kiss on your forehead.

Then his eyes suddenly changed and you were able to pick up the emotions that flooded them, because he quickly averted his gaze. All you could make out was a flicker of pain, before you felt him withdraw.

_How could he go from grown up, seductive man to vulnerable boy in a split second?_

Your thumb brushed his cheek as you carefully cupped his face.

"What - what just happened, Loki?"

He kept his eyes lowered, not meeting yours.

"Look at me. Please?"

It took a few seconds and much to your consternation, when his gaze met yours, Loki's eyes were watery and for a moment you were unable to breathe, because your chest contracted painfully at seeing him like this. You frantically searched the words you had spoken for anything that could have brought on this change in him. 

_Had you said anything to hurt him?_

No. You were certain you hadn't. 

The trigger must have been something inside _him_. Something must have come to his conscious awareness that pained him deeply. It reminded you of those moments when Loki had been scared of you finding out about his past. Scared of losing you.

"Don't withdraw." You whispered. "Please. We're in this together, remember?" You spoke softly, tried to encourage him to open up, even though you clearly felt him withdraw further.

He closed his eyes and a tear slipped down his cheek. It worried you.

Made you uneasy. 

You wished you knew what was going on in this far too complicated mind of his. 

"Please, Loki. Talk to me." 

"Bring him back." He suddenly said and opened his eyes to look at you. His voice was strained and he was attempting to hold back the tears that were so clearly threatening to spill from his eyes. 

All you wanted in this moment was to wrap him in your arms and hold him. Tightly. So tightly that he would know you would never let him go. Never.

Maybe to comfort him just as much as yourself.

"Who?" You asked instead, holding his gaze and gently brushing your thumb over his cheek. "Bring who back?"

He swallowed.

"The hopelessly romantic man who studied fine arts and dreamed of love." He took a deep breath and his whole body shuddered. "The boy who believed in magic and trusted that only good exists in this world." 

A tear dripped onto your skin, but Loki did not blink.

"I wish to have him back." He whispered.

Then he broke.

You pulled him towards you, tightening your fingers in his hair and wrapping your arms around him as he sobbed quietly in the safety of your arms. 

 

***

 

An hour and a half later, you were on your way to Odinson Law to see Hela and discuss your mother's will. 

Hela's secretary, Hollie, informed you that she was still in a meeting with somebody and while Loki excused himself to go and use the bathroom, you settled on the couch to go through the messages on your phone. You had not checked it since last night. 

There were several missed calls from Tony. A message from Scott. And a very short message from Adam.

_Love you, baby._

You smiled.

Maybe Loki had a valid reason to feel jealous after all. Adam preferred speaking on the phone to text messages. He had actually _never_ sent you a text message before. And you knew that the two of you shared something that was much deeper than a mere friendship, but your feelings for Adam were also very different to your feelings for Loki.

The door to Hela's office opened and you looked up instinctively.

Your heart dropped. 

Angela, looking radiant and perfect, stepped through the door.

"Thanks so much, Hela. It was lovely to catch up with you."

The tall woman waved and pulled the door shut behind her. Then she turned around and that was when her gaze fell on you. The warm smile on her face vanished and her green eyes hardened. She recovered her composure quickly enough as another beautiful smile - this time beautifully _fake_ \-  appeared on her lips and she stepped towards you with an outstretched hand.You quickly tucked your phone away and rose, accepting the greeting.

"We haven't yet had the pleasure to be properly introduced." She said in a bitter-sweet voice. "Or rather, you  _failed_ to introduce yourself properly. _Twice_."

The hostility in her tone was evident and you were taken aback for a moment. 

_Bitch._

Was your first reaction. Not the most mature one, you had to admit, so you decided to apply what you had learnt from Loki. Keep your cool. Stay in control. 

Start with your name.

Don't react to the obvious hostility, because that's exactly what she wants you to do. You tried your best to sound calm and collected and forced a smile onto your lips as you told her your name.

"Loki's _assistant_." She added, holding your hand in a firm grip for much longer than necessary as if assessing you. The fire in her emerald eyes mercilessly attempting to destroy you. "Or should I say - Loki's _fiancee_? Have you finally succeeded in convincing him to marry you?"

There was no warmth in her voice.

Just spite. And poison.

You weren't actually sure _what_ you had expected should you ever come face to face with Angela, but you certainly hadn't expected her to be this hostile. Your eyebrows knitted together in a scowl and you felt your stomach twist in irritation. 

"I don't think that this is any of your business anymore." You countered coldly.

"I love him. Always have, always will." She made sure to pronounce every single word clearly. "So, _naturally_ , it is very much my business if some little trollop comes along and exposes him to danger, because she is too stupid to understand the bigger picture. If you truly loved him, you would have let him go when he asked you to, because he had a good reason."

"I do love him!" You blurted out. "And you - you have no right to speak to me like this."

Angela laughed.

"Fiery, aren't we?"

"You're just jealous."

"Maybe I am, maybe not. But I will protect Loki from people who are too callous to understand what is good for him."

"What the hell?" Your heart was pounding so loudly that you had to raise your voice.

“If I knew that he was strong enough to handle a break up, I'd ask you outright to leave him. It was your fault, after all. It was because of you that he ended up in hospital. What a heartless piece of shit are you to put him through that and still try and convince him to marry you? Can you not just take responsibility for your life and leave him be? He was doing _fine_  without you."

_What the hell was she going on about? How would it have been your fault that he ended up in hospital? It had been an attempt on his life. It had nothing to do with you._

"What exactly is your problem?" You could feel Hollie staring at the two of you, but she chose not to interfere, which may have been for the best. Angela regarded you coldly.

"I _warned_ him about you. Warned him not to get involved. To protect himself. You claim to love him, but do you really? You don't even seem to care that he almost got killed because of you!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" You wished you could stay calm, like Loki, but you couldn't. This woman was really getting to you.

"Good god, you're dense, aren't you? It wasn't an attempt on Loki's life. It was a warning."

A dry feeling of dread clasped your heart with claw-like fingers. You tried to ignore your reaction to the insults she hurled at you and instead focused on her words.

"What do you mean - what - what _warning_?"

"A warning for him not to get involved in matters he should not get involved in - would he have read your file, he would have known."

_Your file? Did this woman know everything about you? What about privacy?_

_Had Loki talked to her about you? And what about Hela? Had they been discussing your relationship with Loki while Angela was in there?_

You swallowed.

"He claims that you are unaware of all this. Of the complications it will eventually cause. I didn't believe him, but now, I can see that you truly are oblivious. Which makes matters far worse, of course."

So, they had spoken about you.

The fact that Loki had spoken to her about you hurt. Even with the awareness that she was using it to hurt you. You couldn't help it. It stabbed your heart that he had discussed things with her and not with you. Sure, she was his wife. She knew his world, while you didn't. 

She was his wife.

"Did it never occur to you that they might not have wanted to kill him? I mean, what kind of killer would try and kill someone with a drug that causes anaphylactic shock, when that very person actually carries the antidote in their pocket."

"What are you talking about?"

"Most people know that Loki is highly allergic to strawberries. If someone wanted to kill him by causing an anaphylactic shock, wouldn't they make sure that he doesn't carry his epinephrine kit?"

A valid point, which, right now, only added to your confusion.

"If they had really wanted to _kill_ him, there would have been more effective ways. No, they knew Loki would carry adrenaline on him. They knew he would survive. The coma wasn't an effect of the drug, but a random response of Loki's immune system. They hadn't planned on that happening."

"What are you trying to say?" You whispered, feeling your mouth going dry.

"They put the drug in his wine as a warning. It was a warning about his relationship with you."

You shook your head.

"That's - that's outright ridiculous."

"Is it? Do you have any idea how powerful an alliance between Odinson Law and the Grandmaster's little empire would be? There are powerful influential people, who would fear such an alliance."

You opened your mouth to say something, but found no words. That very moment, Loki walked through the door and you watched as Angela's face softened. She turned to offer him a radiant smile, which he returned.

"What a pleasant surprise to see _you_ here, Ange."

You felt your stomach churn and your heart drop. You could tell by the look on Loki's face that he was sincere. He sincerely liked - maybe even still loved her. 

"I had a cup of tea with Hela. Just like old times." The red-head smiled and you could feel her triumph as she noticed you falter.

The familiarity she shared with Hela, probably with all of Loki's family - and Loki himself - was one you would never have. Never. She had known him since they were children, you would never share the same bond. 

"Are you alright?" Loki's voice was filled with concern, but you did not have the courage to face him. You nodded, barely noticing how nauseous you felt and that you probably looked pale. 

"Yuh, I'm fine."

He was not convinced, you could tell by the way he reached for your hand and carefully wrapped his fingers around yours. Maybe he could sense that all you wanted to do right now was _run_ , and that was why he held your hand a little more tightly than necessary. 

"I decided to stay for another week or two. Maybe we could have dinner sometime?" Angela said. It was evident that the "we" only included Loki and her and you wished that you could think of some insult to hurl at her for her insolence, but somehow you couldn't. 

_Another week or two? Had she actually signed the divorce papers yet, or was she still Loki's wife? Had she -_

Your mind went blank when she placed her hand on Loki's arm and leaned forward to kiss his cheek. 

_Was this what jealousy felt like? A bitter burning that tore your insides apart?_

You pulled your hand from Loki's, muttering something about restrooms and rushed out into the hall before he could hold you back. There was a staff bathroom just down the hall and you were grateful to find it empty when you leaned over the sink and splashed cold water in your face. A flood of emotions rose inside you.

Hurt. Anger. Jealousy. Dread. And despair.

But the most painful one was doubt. 

And it wasn't even an emotion. 

What else had Loki discussed with Angela? She obviously had his trust, because he had told her things that he hadn't told you. 

Was it true that they hadn't tried to kill him and this was really about you? Or was it just Angela trying to hurt you?

Ridiculous. To think that somebody was threatening him about your relationship was ridiculous.

Nobody apart from Loki's family had know about your relationship at that time. 

Nobody had known that you were Andrew Gast's daugther - but still. There was a file about you. 

_Do you have any idea how powerful an alliance between Odinson Law and the Grandmaster's little empire would be? There are people, who would fear such an alliance._

How did Angela even know who you were? Had Loki told her?

You felt sick. 

You felt as though everyone else around you knew things that you weren't aware of. Loki had discussed you with his ex-wife, and he never mentioned anything to you.

Calm down.

You're blowing this out of proportion.

Maybe this is exactly what she wants. To make you insecure. To make you doubt Loki. 

You took a deep breath. 

This time you would not run. You would calm down and return to Hela's office. You would go through your mother's will and you would ask Loki about Angela afterwards. 

Another deep breath. 

When you returned to Hela's office, Loki was waiting next to Hollie's desk with a frown on his face.

"You look pale. We can do this another time, if there is something you wish to speak to me about." His fingers came to a rest on the small of your neck, drawing small circles on your skin. A gesture that he knew soothed you. It was likely that he had spoken to Lucy and knew that something had happened between you and Angela, but you were determined not to let it deter you from doing what you came here to do, so you shook your head at his offer.

"It's fine." You said and meant it. 

That was until you and Loki stepped into Hela's office and the Goddess of the Underworld awaited you with her arms crossed over her chest, her smoky eyes slightly narrowed. She greeted you briefly and motioned for you to sit. Her gaze fell on the ring on your finger then and her eyes snapped up to yours.

"Right. Let's address the more pressing things first." Hela took a deep breath. "Angela has refused to sign the divorce papers."


End file.
